Reviewer: perringtonsplace (Signed) · Date: July 18, 2023 06:04 PM · On: Unity

sww and now he'll help his sunshine bounce  back.   I'm enjoying this

Reviewer: perringtonsplace (Signed) · Date: July 18, 2023 06:04 PM · On: Unity

sww and now he'll help his sunshine bounce  back.   I'm enjoying this

Reviewer: perringtonsplace (Signed) · Date: July 18, 2023 05:47 PM · On: Premonition

damn.   I'm hooked.

Reviewer: Enohvee1875 (Signed) · Date: December 25, 2020 09:14 PM · On: Strength

Hi and Happy Holidays. I had to re-read this story and yes, I enjoyed it just as much as the first time.

Author's Response:

Happy New Year! I'm very gld to hear that you enjoyed this story as much as the first time. Thanks for reading and for your wonderful review :-)

Reviewer: LostCol (Signed) · Date: November 09, 2019 10:17 PM · On: Strength

Thanks so nuch for pairing up Brian and Emmett in this story. Their friendship is seriously the most underrated aspect of QAF.

Author's Response:

I agree!! I have always been fascinated by Brian and Emmett's relationship. Emmett, it seemed, was the only one of Brian's close friends who was neither enamoured not afraid of him. I think Emmett is maybe the strongest person in that group, counterintatively. It always fasinated me.... Thanks again for reading, and for your review!

Reviewer: coleamber (Signed) · Date: November 11, 2018 04:05 AM · On: Release

I alwyas hated Limdsey in the show

Author's Response:

I admit she was not my favourite character either (as you might have discerned...) I think she had some good qualities, but I thought she always clung to Brian a little too much. And I really don't get why she encouraged Justin to go to New York instead of marrying Brian. Jealousy, perhaps...?

Reviewer: Juditka (Signed) · Date: February 04, 2018 07:04 PM · On: Strength

<br />I really liked this story.<br />I've always wondered why Lindsay wanted Justin to move to New York.<br />Maybe that was the reason. I'm glad Brian and Justin got married.<br />

Author's Response:

Thanks :-) I'm very glad you enjoyed this story. I always kind of wondered if Lindsay intentionally gave just a bit of a push to go to New York. I guess this story kind of explores that possibility to the extreme, but it was an interesting plot bunny :-) Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review! 

Reviewer: Calliesky (Signed) · Date: June 28, 2017 02:27 AM · On: Strength

Another excellent story :) Love your work

Author's Response:

I'm thrilled you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: nickknack (Signed) · Date: April 04, 2016 01:23 PM · On: Strength

A very poignant story. Thank you for sharing this emotional journey.

Author's Response:

I'm very glad that you enjoyed this story :-) Thanks so much for reading and for your lovely review!

Reviewer: SunshineSally (Signed) · Date: November 11, 2015 08:12 AM · On: Reclamation

Okay, I am crying again, that was so beautiful. I don't want this to end.

Author's Response:

Glad you foudn this chapter poignant. It is maybe my favorite scene in the story ;-) Thanks again for reading and for your feedback!

Reviewer: SunshineSally (Signed) · Date: November 11, 2015 07:02 AM · On: Temptation

How does this keep on getting better and better? I guessed the snake was Lindsay and was also his problem with food, yes, Justin will help keep you safe from them, poor guy :(

I can't wait for him to go to Toronto x

Author's Response:

Glad you were able to guess some of the symbology in the dream - I guess it does seem a little trippy, but I really liked the snake imagry. Thanks again for reading, and for your review!

Reviewer: SunshineSally (Signed) · Date: November 11, 2015 06:24 AM · On: Paternity

Owen is adorable, I loved how Brian interacted with him - and that the doctor and Justin saw how much he missed having that relationship with Gus. 

Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked this chapter. Brian's seperation from Gus was a big factor in triggering his irrational need to control his life by 'controlling' his eating. I think as a father himself, Etienne understands - objectivly - some of the distress being parted from Gus causes Brian. Justin realiszes it as well, of course, but he's sees the issue from the inside. It is something that will need to be resolved before Brian can truly understand what role is eating disorder his forfilling in his life, and why it arrose. Thank you again for reading, and for taking the time to leave some feedback!

Reviewer: SunshineSally (Signed) · Date: November 11, 2015 06:04 AM · On: Trust

I hope he lets himself be looked after x

Author's Response:

He doesn't really have much of a choice at this point, but Etienne will help him through it :-)

Reviewer: SunshineSally (Signed) · Date: November 11, 2015 05:39 AM · On: Premonition

OH MY GOD!!!!! How have I not read this before????????? Brian, the poor poor guy. SOMEONE CUDDLE HIM, he needs a cuddle, and a good dinner - and Justin and HELP!

Author's Response:

I'm glad you found this story ;-) I consider it to be the best of my canon verse fics. The plot bunny for this was someone saying they couldn't see Brian with an eating disorder. To me, he was exactly the type of person who would develop an eating disorder, and so I was inspired to write this. Thanks for reading!

Reviewer: NoChaser (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2013 01:58 AM · On: Contiguity

The weight loss was only a side effect of his obsession- it was the hunger itself that had driven him, giving him the ephemeral self-satisfaction knowing that he'd been able to adhere to his stringent dietary rules. 

When I was a young mother, the lack of control in my life, along with the added stress of weight gain resulting from two pregnancies and a troubled marriage, a mentally ill mother and an extremely restrictive religious life, helped me to develop a relatively short-lived - but powerful - eating disorder. I tried to eat only "negative calorie" foods - those items I believed used more calories to digest than they inherently contained. It wasn't true, of course, and was unhealthy as hell, but in my obsession, I didn't know that. Coupling that with the insane exercise regimine I developed for myself, I lost over seventy five pounds (taking myself from a size 12 to a size 3) within the span of a year.

It was disastrous. Malnutrition, mood swings, loss of energy, loss of libido, nightmares and other sleep disruptions -- disastrous. But to this day, decades later, I can so vividly recall the satisfaction and endorphin high I received from laying in bed at night feeling the hunger roiling in my gut.

It was a validation. Control. It took me a long time to recover physically from the diet. I still struggle daily with the OCD and other demons that drove me.

I've read this story a couple of times, difficult as the subject matter is in my case. It's a marvelous story in so very many ways. The passage I've highlighted above is so powerfully evocative for me. That hunger was my worst enemy - and my only friend. It became a kind of Stockholm Syndrome situation. The hunger was my captor, one I detested. Conversely, it was also my source of solace and comfort.

God, what complicated creatures we humans are.

Thanks for dealing with this intelligently and compassionately.

Roni

PS: I accidentally deleted this comment while I was favoriting this story. This is a repost. ;)

Author's Response:

Thanks so much for your wonderful comment, and for sharing your story. I can emphasize on so many levels. As you may have guessed, I have personal experience with an eating disorder. I started displaying ED symptoms when I was a child, and they had nothing to do with wanting to be thin and everything to do with OCDs and control. I recovered from an initial episode of anorexia when I was 12, but relapsed so seriously when I was 16 that I was hospitalized for three months. Living with anorexia had been devastating, but the initial stages of recovery were a living hell. After years of treatment, I also recovered from that episode, though I was far from unscathed. The scars run very deep, and they are permanent. But I survived, and for that I am eternally grateful. One thing I've always hated has been the social stigmas attached to eating disorders. People still view anorexia as a just an exaggerated diet, rather than the most deadly mental illness known. That was one of my reasons for writing this story, as well as 'A Moment on the Lips'- to help educate people about what it means to live inside an eating disorder. At the heart of it, it's not about weight at all. It's about control. I'm glad that you were able to identify with and appreciate that aspect of this story.

 

Thanks so much for reading, and again for your thoughtful and insightful comment. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this story :-)

Reviewer: no sleep (Signed) · Date: October 02, 2012 01:23 PM · On: Strength

I'm so behind in reviewing and I feel guilty about it because you writers take the time and trouble to provide endless entertainment for people like me -- for free.

I was just discussing certain popular books with my husband and I mentioned how little a buy them these days due to such amazing stories in fanfiction. I wonder if you have published anything.

Okay, back on topic. I want to thank you for indulging me in answering my loquacious reviews and I do have a few comments and questions more in response:

 

I think he’s also recently realized how much he truly values Justin’s love, and how much it meant to him before Justin left for New York. 

I often thought about the post 513 Brian. Did he stay the same romantic deeply in love man that Justin left that night or did he go back to being the Stud of Liberty Ave. I believe the former, yet people argue that was never Brian. I say the true Brian was the one we saw at the prom. So I'm gld you pointed that out.

As far as the 'Seven Crows' poem. I grew up reading 'Grimm's Fairy Tales' almost religiously. I still read them from time to time. I willl have to revisit that one.

Now the issue of Michael and Lindsay being thr exceptions -- I may go with Lindsay because that is a valid point that Brian did know he was gay. It seemed as though he was willing to change for her. That was momentous when you think about it.  

As far as Michael -- Brian looked upon him as the little brother he never had, plus Brian was a chemistry geek. He could relate somewhat on the geek level although it was said that Michael was not as intelligent or did as well in school. I do believe Brian would have slept with Michael had he pushed the issue. I also believe he did not pursue other men on a romantic level because or for Michael's benefit. Was he in love with Michael -- no.

I still believe Brian needed Lindsay and Michael to stay in love with him. He was an atention whore becuse he was so deprived of it (love) growing up. I still think he thought his sexual attraction was all he could offer. In all his bravado, I still saw an insecure little boy who just wanted to be loved.

I go by the moniker sandraj60 on LJ. I do forget that have more than one alias. Yes, I was first one I think to review  your story on TQL. Of course, I didn't know it at the time.

Side note: It drives me crazy that youy can't edit once you hit that submit button. Please overlook errors. My typing  and spelling is for... well you get the picture, LOL.

Hugs,

Sandra:)

 

Author's Response:

I thought you might be SandraJ60 *g*, although I didn’t want to guess in case I was wrong. I usually recognize a reviewing style, but I’m sorry I didn’t pick up on it this time – maybe just because it was out of context. I didn’t know you were here on MW too, but I’m glad you are ;-) I agree that there is a lot of really great fanfiction out there and I’m thrilled that it’s finally getting a little bit of ‘official’ recognition as a legitimate genre of fiction. What I love about writing and publishing fanfic online is the reader interaction. I’m happy to offer it for free as long as I always get credit as the author and as long as people give me feedback from time-to-time.

As for the end of 513, I didn’t believe for a second that Brian would go back to being the Stud of Liberty Avenue after Justin left. No way. His relationship with Justin and everything they went through changed him permanently. Besides that, I don’t believe The Stud of Liberty Ave was Brian’s default – it was one of his more impressive acts and it served him well. But it’s not who he actually was. Plus, New York and Pittsburgh aren’t that far away, for crying out loud! It’s not like Justin went to study art in the Falkland Islands or something. There is absolutely no reason why their relationship couldn’t have work. I’m not being ridiculously romantic here – it just seems way, way more likely that this would be the eventual outcome.

But back to the story: I forgot the address what you said about Brian needing Lindsay and Michael to love him. Yes, absolutely. In this story, Brian admitted to Etienne that he needed Justin to ‘need’ him as an assurance that he (Justin) would always come back. In the case of Lindsay and Michael, I think he needed them to adore him. I think it was almost a safely blanket for him. No matter what else happened in his life, he could always fall back on that. Brian is such a complex character. In some ways he’s very confident and self-assured, but in other ways he seems to need these little reassurances that he won’t be abandoned. I love him for all of these little complexities and nuances :-)

It’s been so great to hear your thoughts on this story. I can’t tell you – again – how much I’ve enjoyed discussing it with you. It’s such a treat to get to do this ;-)

*hugs* 

P.S. – Seriously, don’t worry about your spelling. I am the world’s worst speller, so it would be super hypocritical of me to a) notice and to b) say anything *g* 

Author's Response:

I thought you might be SandraJ60 *g*, although I didn’t want to guess in case I was wrong. I usually recognize a reviewing style, but I’m sorry I didn’t pick up on it this time – maybe just because it was out of context. I didn’t know you were here on MW too, but I’m glad you are ;-) I agree that there is a lot of really great fanfiction out there and I’m thrilled that it’s finally getting a little bit of ‘official’ recognition as a legitimate genre of fiction. What I love about writing and publishing fanfic online is the reader interaction. I’m happy to offer it for free as long as I always get credit as the author and as long as people give me feedback from time-to-time.

As for the end of 513, I didn’t believe for a second that Brian would go back to being the Stud of Liberty Avenue after Justin left. No way. His relationship with Justin and everything they went through changed him permanently. Besides that, I don’t believe The Stud of Liberty Ave was Brian’s default – it was one of his more impressive acts and it served him well. But it’s not who he actually was. Plus, New York and Pittsburgh aren’t that far away, for crying out loud! It’s not like Justin went to study art in the Falkland Islands or something. There is absolutely no reason why their relationship couldn’t have work. I’m not being ridiculously romantic here – it just seems way, way more likely that this would be the eventual outcome.

But back to the story: I forgot the address what you said about Brian needing Lindsay and Michael to love him. Yes, absolutely. In this story, Brian admitted to Etienne that he needed Justin to ‘need’ him as an assurance that he (Justin) would always come back. In the case of Lindsay and Michael, I think he needed them to adore him. I think it was almost a safely blanket for him. No matter what else happened in his life, he could always fall back on that. Brian is such a complex character. In some ways he’s very confident and self-assured, but in other ways he seems to need these little reassurances that he won’t be abandoned. I love him for all of these little complexities and nuances :-)

It’s been so great to hear your thoughts on this story. I can’t tell you – again – how much I’ve enjoyed discussing it with you. It’s such a treat to get to do this ;-)

*hugs* 

P.S. – Seriously, don’t worry about your spelling. I am the world’s worst speller, so it would be super hypocritical of me to a) notice and to b) say anything *g* 

Reviewer: no sleep (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2012 08:37 AM · On: Strength

You didn’t think I was not going to review the absolute best chapter of the story did you? :)

 Show-and-tell? That was definitely out of character for Brian. 

The subject of the abandoned wedding was obviously still weighing heavily on Brian’s mind, and Etienne made a mental note to bring it up later.

“An old English poem called ‘ The Seven Crows’

That inscription on the ring and the poem that it symbolized was beautiful. Brian’s true romantic side had come to light again. You were very clever in using the poem to emphasize the two of them and their journey. I’m curious as to how you came to that and if you had this poem in mind from the beginning. Also, it seemed that Brian had changed. He was willing to show his softer side or maybe he needed someone to be more supportive of his willingness to change and of his marriage?

It was a shame that Brian still felt guilty about the aborted wedding. He was still suffering the ramifications of Lindsay’s actions.

“If Justin permanently takes my name, people will know this isn’t a joke or a passing whim.”

Etienne was shocked despite himself.

Here it seemed that Etienne had become more of a friend than physician. He had become incensed that Brian’s friends would be so callous with his feelings about his marriage to Justin. Brian needed a strong support system and his friends were failing him. I loved that line about “the fuckability warranty” expiring, though, LOL.

 They were right – I was a fucking hypocritical bastard. 

That’s true, but they could have joked all they wanted to and then have been sincere and empathetic enough to wish him well.

It was so liberating to just be.”

That said so much about how much Brian had been suffering and how much he needed Justin.

That talk Etienne had with Brian about his prognosis was very poignant. I was shocked because I thought Brian was cured or well on his way to be. I had no idea the illness was a lifelong process of recovery or that is stayed like a dormant virus that could attack at will or when a person is vulnerable. It was heartbreaking and I thought Brian was going to break under that revelation. It was the brilliance of Etienne character to use the analogy of the dog rolling over to explain the significance of Brian relying on Justin. I loved this line:

“Trust Justin, Brian. Trust him with your vulnerability and he’ll trust in your strengths.

I’m happy you didn’t end the story with the last chapter because this one tied everything together nicely. I loved that you ended it similarly to the way you began, only this time things were on a positive note.

A story that would turn a crow – their seventh crow - into a dove.

BEAUTIFUL!!!

After reading this chapter again, I feel that a sequence would be nice, because I would love to see more of Etienne, but this ended perfectly. Now, some other thoughts:

You mentioned in one of the reviews that Brian was Lindsay’s first love. I had never contemplated that. I thought it was more of a Justin/Daphne experimental thing in college, that neither one felt anything more than deep friendship for each other. And although Lindsay did have sex with another man later, Brian never experimented again. I always thought it was applied that Lindsay was Bi, especially, after that affair with Sam.

I had to really review what I remembered of Brian’s character as it pertained to Lindsay. He seemed to know that Lindsay had certain feelings for him, just like Michael, and reveled in them. He kept flirting with them to keep them adoring and wanting him, much like he did the gay population of Liberty Avenue. It was if his sexuality was the only thing he had to offer. It was no wonder Lindsay held on to those dreams much like Michael,  who always thought they would end up together as old queens in Florida. This does not excuse Lindsay’s behavior, but I can see a bigger picture now. There is so much of Brian that could feel a psychiatrist or psychologist shelf.

Let me know what you think.

Subject change -- back to this story:

This was by far the best chapter of this story. I tried not to write a novel when I was reviewing but I sometimes get a little involved with a subject or a storyt and don’t know when to stop, LOL. I hope I didn’t drive you crazy. I’m looking forward to my favorite series – the Lark Series. In the meantime, I’m doing a Sapphire marathon in between projects I’m working on and laundry.

Take care and thanks again for a wonderful journey,

Sandra:)

 

 

 

Author's Response:

Wow! Thanks so much for this amazing comment, Sandra! a86; I had to give it a day to sit down a digest it (*g*). 

I’m so thrilled that this was your favorite chapter. I’m never totally sure how many people who read this chapter see it as distilling the essence of Brian in this story, which was kind of what I had intended. You’re right in that this Brian does seem like a gentler, more sensitive Brian than we’re used to in canon. However, it’s really because of what he’s been through with the eating disorder and with Lindsay. He’s still a little bit fragile, and he’s still not really sure what path his recovery is going to take. I think he’s also recently realized how much he truly values Justin’s love, and how much it meant to him before Justin left for New York. He had to learn the hard way that Justin was such an integral part of his happiness and existence, but that lesson learnt, he’s willing to embrace and cherish what he knows now to be the most important parts of his life.

I’m really glad you liked the ‘Seven Crows’ poem and the symbolism there. The poem itself is one that I liked when I was a kid. The version I grew up with was obviously a little bit different from the one that Brian and Justin chose for their rings, but I always really liked the ‘seven for a story that’s never been told’ idea. It was actually the unusual symbology of a crow – in some cultures seen as a creature imparting cunning and wisdom – was another reason I used this poem. Weddings are usually all about flowers (golden gardenias!) and love birds and ‘delicate’ things. Having a crow as a symbol just seemed more right for Brian and Justin. Plus, I just really like crows – they’re super smart as far as birds go :-)

 

I always see Etienne as being very professional in his relationship with his clients, but I’m sure he would have felt some kind of emotion on the inside. It’s clear that he doesn’t like Lindsay, although he was always careful never to impart that information to let Brian. But you’re right.  I think Etienne does like Brian and he does feel for him. I think he might even admire him. The two men do have some things in common: they’re both in early middle age, they’re both fathers, and I think they have some of the same personality traits. 

I know some people don’t like the realities of Brian’s prognosis at the end of the story. I knew from the moment I started this story that it wouldn’t end with Brian ‘getting better’ because, as I mentioned before, I wanted this story to be a realistic portrayal of orthorexia. That’s another myth I wanted to tackle – eating disorders don’t stop after the victim gains weight or stops restricting. Those steps in recovery only treat the symptoms, they don’t treat the cause. Even in the most ideal situations, recovery takes years, and for many people it’s a lifelong struggle. I know many readers would hate saying this but, because of Brian’s innate controlling and perfectionist tendencies, I can see his recovery taking up to a decade.  That doesn’t mean he couldn’t be totally happy and live a normal life, but those obsessive tendencies would always be at the back of his mind. And that’s why he needs Justin for support, to help find healthy ways of dealing with them and to make sure they never ‘take over’ again.

As for Lindsay, writing this gave me a whole lot of insight into Brian’s relationship with her. It is such an odd relationship when you think about it. I would say that the two of them probably were ‘sweethearts’, but more in an emotional sense. Brian obviously knew he was gay in college, but I think he made an exception for Lindsay. Maybe that was why she was so important to him – she was an exception. Michael was kind of an exception, too – I’ve often thought that he was an odd choice for Brian’s best friend. He was kind of dorky and isn’t the kind of ‘cool’ person you might expect Brian to hang out with. But Brian loved him, and I don’t think it was just because they were gay. Was Michael was an ‘exception’ to Brian’s rule, too?

The whole issue of Gus is interesting, too. As you pointed out in an earlier comment, Melanie hated Brian. Lindsay must have had to fight tooth and nail with Melanie to get her to agree. But Lindsay would have no other. Was afraid of losing Brian as they grew out of the ‘Peter Pan and Wendy’ stage of their life? Maybe. I agree that it’s interesting!

You haven’t driven me nuts with your comments at all! In fact, I’m really glad you feel like you could keep going on and on *g* I don’t often get to have such in-depth discussions with people and it’s such a thrill to meet someone who is so interesting in discussion it :-) So thank you so much! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

P.S. - Out of curiosity: If you’re reading ‘the Lark Series’, you must be on LJ or TQL. Do you go by a different username there? 

 

Reviewer: no sleep (Signed) · Date: September 30, 2012 03:32 AM · On: Release

 I would hate for anything to come between us… But I also think what she did to you was unforgivable.

You go, Emmett! I loved that Emmett was in tuned with his emotions and feelings.

“You think I’d just stand by and let her take you down?”

Emmett was also just as brave as Brian. They do make a good couple.

 Lindsay just does something to me…

Now here I was queasy.  I remember reading Nightvision55’s “The Great Divide”.  It was one of the first anti-Lindsay stories I’ve read and loved it, but it touched on something. Lindsay theorized Brian’s love for Justin was just transference of his love for her because of their similarities. Could that be it? Too many times it was alluded to in the series that Lindsay would be the woman he would have had a relationship with if he was straight (or was it that first scene with her and Gus).

He had just confessed to her what he couldn’t bear to even confess to himself and she had brushed it off as a whim. An attention-seeking maneuver, a game.

Lindsay wreaked havoc in Brian’s life and just traipsed along with her life without any consideration for Brian, secure and happy that she had separated him from Justin just so she could continue her fantasy. She was so self-centered that she ignored the physical trauma Brian’s body had gone through with starvation. I could understand Emmett’s shock over Brian forgiving her so readily and hugging the viper.

 I trusted you then and I really thought you cared about Justin. You made me believe that he really wanted to go to New York, even though you knew he didn’t. By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late. Justin was gone, and…”

And that was also the crux of the matter. She hurt Justin too. She also separated Gus from his father and to make Brian give up his parental rights was cruel and unconscionable.

It was a lie. He knew it would be years before he would find the grace to forgive her entirely. But still, he needed the truth and this was the only way he knew how to get it.

It seemed to me that Brian did forgive her. I think he was still in denial and there is the matter of Gus.

Author's Response:

I'm glad that we seem to be on the same page as far as Lindsay is concerned - at least in the context of this story. Although I was never a real Lindsay fan during the whole series (she always seemed a bit two-dimensional to me), it wasn't until season five that I really began to dislike her. To this day, I still can't figure out how she thought it was all right to encourage Justin to leave Brian AND to take Gus away from him at the same time. The only explanation I can think of was that she was so clueless she didn't think of the implications or - and this is obviously my option - she had an agenda. It's really interesting what Nightvison55 suggested about Lindsay seeing Brian's love for Justin as displaced love for her. I've always thought the Lindsay never really embraced being gay the same way Brian did. In fact, after her affair with Sam, I'm inclined to think she was actually bisexual, which would explain her continued obsession with Brian. She needed Melanie to fulfill some of her needs, but Brian to fulfill others. I guess that would have been fine had she not been so manipulative in getting what she wanted, or not recognizing the consequences when she did. 

In the context of this story, Emmett and Justin see and understand Lindsay's motives, which is why they are both angry. Brain, on the other hand, has an additional diminution to think about: Gus. The reason he forgave Lindsay is because he loves her though Gus. Gus is the one thing they share on such an intimate level that I don't think Brian can see past that. And, as you've suggested, Lindsay knows and uses that as leverage. But I think she still does love Brian in her own warped kind of way. He was really her first love.

Thanks again for reading and for sharing your insight! It's all very interesting :-)

Reviewer: no sleep (Signed) · Date: September 30, 2012 02:56 AM · On: Temptation

Temptation wrapped her powerful, slender body gently around Brian’s... 

The monkey experiment was scary enough as it and the snake dream...

That Brian had nightmares about Lindsay should have been a wake up call and think even before Etienne spelled things out for him, he would have sought answers eventually, just not as soon as he did.

“If I did something unexpected and maybe a little stupid that needs to be done for us...

I was so mad at Brian. Justin needed resolution for this too. Brian still had too strong of a desire to protect Justin or was it for Lindsay's protection too?

I finished reading this story the day at the court house, but I still had so much to think about. I could not not review. Loved the imagery in this chapter!

Author's Response:

Im so glad you liked the imagery in this chapter :-) I've always been really interested in dreams and their bizarre, 'unreal' depictions of what id going on in the dreamer's subconscious. Brian's dream here was certainly significant and it said something powerful about how he was actually feeling about the whole Lindsay situation.

"Brian still had too strong of a desire to protect Justin or was it for Lindsay's protection too?"

That's an interesting point. I think it's actually a little bit of both - Brian wanting to protect Justin from his own pain and anxiety, but also him wanting to protect Lindsay. At the heart of the issue, Brian is afraid that Justin will try and stop him from doing what he needs to do in order to achieve closure on what's troubling him. That is, he's afraid that Justin would stop him from seeing Lindsay, or prevent him from saying what he needs to say. Again, Brian is still very controlling. He wants to find resolution by himself.

I'm really glad you did take the time to think the story over, and I'm so grateful to you for taking the time to come back and share your insight with me. It gives me a lot to think about, too :-)

Reviewer: no sleep (Signed) · Date: September 30, 2012 02:17 AM · On: Paternity

Etienne had the idea that Brian possessed strong personal morals that were manifest in cryptic ways only Justin could decipher. He wondered what Justin would tell him about Brian, and about what Brian had not told him about Justin.

I would love a sequel with more of Etienne involved. He was such a personable and interesting character. I could see the similarities between him and Brian had there been different circumstances.

On what had once been plain while plaster was now painted a magnificent mosaic of violets, maroons, lavenders, and mauves.

I wondered why Justin painted the house. It also seemed as if Brian was proud of Justin and wanted to show him off.

...he saw a word tattooed in black ink onto the inside of Brian’s middle finger.

What was the word and what was the meaning of it?

Author's Response:

Yay! More of your wonderful comments :-) I was so hoping I would hear from you again *g*

I'm so thrilled that you like Etienne. He was really the first substantial original character I'd written into a fanfiction and I was amazed how well he fleshed himself out. I guess he's partially based on a mosaic of people I know, but he's also my interoperation of a really good psychologist - someone who is intelligent and intuitive, and who knows which directions to go in without being intrusive. I've toyed with the idea of writing a sequel for a while now - I'm so glad to hear that you'd be interested in it if I did ;-)

As for the painting of Britin on the cast, I think Justin was trying to bring Brian back to the hope that they'd once had - and, significantly, could have again - for the fututre. In this story anyway, Brian has always been very proud of Justin. he knew he is incredibly talented, which was one of the reasons he agreed to 'let' Justin got to New York. I guess it's kind of natural that he;d want to show him off a little *g*

The tattoo I was referring to was the 'RESIST' tattoo Brian (and I guess Gale Harold) had on the inside of his middle finger. You only really see it really well once, in the sex scene in episode 205 (or 204... I'd have to go back and check). Anyway, in this story, I figured that Brian had gotten the tattoo as a symbol of his 'no apologies, no regrets, fuck 'em all' mentality. The idea that the world couldn't change who he was, and that he would resist anyone that did.

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and your comments :-) I appreciate it so much!

Reviewer: no sleep (Signed) · Date: September 27, 2012 07:26 AM · On: Trust

I sat in that cold Criminal Court building across from the Cook County jail so totally immersed in this story that I forgot to be afraid of where I was. And then I felt a little guilt for doing so. Nevertheless, I found myself reading some pages over again savoring the story as it unfolded.

If the doctor had been sixty and balding, and the walls of his office tiled with a superfluity of psychology degrees, Brian would've found it easier to feel contempt for the man.

Etienne smiled slightly, indicating that he was not only unfazed by Brian’s tetchiness…

 

Leave to Brian to be bias with aesthetics. You did a wonderful introduction of this character. He seemed real from the very first sentence and perfect for what Brian needed.

 

It was also a subconscious acknowledgment of an enormous sacrifice.

That seemed to be Brian’s MO. He seemed to always think he had to sacrifice to make his friends happy.

 

There was only really one thing I knew I could count on for certain, and I ended up staking my life on it.”

I found this most intriguing, your juxtaposition that had Brian depending on Justin always coming back to him no matter what and how he selfishly needed that. That he felt the only way Justin would stay or return was because of need. That he wasn’t worth Justin staying with him otherwise. I loved this. I had never read anything like this before.

…the reason we broke off the engagement- was my realization that I couldn’t live with someone who gave up his life and called it ‘love’, just to be with me.”

 

“Who suggested that- going to New York?” 

In his mind, the complicated pieces of Brian’s puzzle were all falling into place.

It was complicated, and Etienne was sure he’d only seen the tip of the iceberg.

 

This Etienne was brilliant. He was able to see things from an outsider point of view which shed light on an issue or discrepancy Brian could not see. I felt the same way about Lindsay after watching that last episode. She didn’t give any consideration to Brian’s feelings about losing his son and or the man he proposed to marry.

I don’t usually read about eating disorders because most of the stories (other fandom) I have read have been more about the disease and less about the characters.   Your story does an excellent job of being about a person with the disorder, not the other way around.  I also guess I have my own bias because food was too much of a valued commodity in my youth to think about depriving myself or anyone else. As I read more about it not being about the food but about control it becomes more interesting.

Another thing, I have read ravings and had done so myself about some of the old authors that no longer write for the fandom, but there are writers such as yourself who deserve just as much if not more praise. I should have heard of this story before now. Thank goodness it’s a feature story this month. I would have missed one of the best written stories out there, bar none.

God, I love this story!

Author's Response:

Thank you for this wonderful comment! It's not all that often that I get to hear such insight from a reader and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it :-) I'm glad this story gave you something to read and to think about during your jury duty. 

I'm so thrilled that you liked this chapter in particular. Thinking it through and then the act of writing it gave me a lot of insight into Brian's character. I love writing Brian above all other characters because he's so complex, with so mnay layers. Even in canon, it was only when monumental things happen to him - like when Justin was bashed or when he got cancer - that we got to see a tiny bit of his interior, vulnerable side. And even then, we didn't really get to see enough of it. In Brian's need to always be in control (or 'on top'), he had to make many personal sacrifices. It's interesting because outwardly he holds onto the 'selfish bastard' persona, while on the inside he's quite to opposite. Through Etienne, I find I was able to draw these things about of Brian's character and make them meaningful in the context of the story. I'm so glad that you found them interesting and believable too.

As for Lindsay, I know I'm not very nice to her in this story (and have been occasionally criticized for it). But I really do think that she was a catalyst for Brian and Justin not marrying and for Justin going off to New York. I could never figure out why she would have done that. She was supposed to have loved Brian. In struggling with this question for this story, I came up with a theory of my own, which comes out later in the story. But yeah - I was never really a huge Lindsay fan...

As for eating disorders fic, this is actually my second one. I've written another one where Justin has anorexia called "A Moment on the Lips". I started writing them because, in part, I was frustrated about the myths and misconceptions that surround eating disorders. I wanted to try and inform people in the best way I could with the most impact factor - in fanfiction. Eating disorders are not a 'fad' or a disease you can catch, but a serious mental illness just like schizophrenia or being biploar. They can happen to anyone, from any race, gender, age, ethnic or cultural background. And 95% of the time, they are not about food - they are basically powerful OCDs that involve eating and exercise. They can be absolutely devastating to both the victim and the victim's loved ones, and it can take decades to recover. And they kill - anorexia nervosa has a 10% mortality rate. But I digress. In writing my two eating disorder fics, I really did want to do exactly as you said - illustrate and educate about the human side and the human struggle, and the long, long road to recovery.

As for what you said about the 'old authors' - that is praise indeed! I started writing fanfiction in 2007, so I missed the 'glory days' of the QaF fandom. I have often been so frustrated by the fact that, no matter how good, original, unique, or well-written a story by a 'new writer' is, they can never seemingly compare with "The Greats". It seems that some people are not willing to branch out and embrace the new and creative stories which are being written all the time. That's why I think the Monthly Feature here is such a good idea. It's too bad more sites don't do it. I'm always so thrilled when people find my stories, and I'm sure all the other new authors feel would feel the same.

Thanks again for taking the time to leave your wonderful and insightful review. I really enjoyed reading it and I'm so grateful for your thoughts and feedback :-)

 

Reviewer: no sleep (Signed) · Date: September 26, 2012 08:23 AM · On: Premonition

I usually stay away from eating disoder stories otherwise I would have read this long ago. I was looking for a complete story to read for jury duty and decided to give this a try. I should have known. This first chapter was reviting and mesmerizing. I won't get much sleep tonight because I must finish this.

Author's Response:

LOL ;-) I'm glad you're hooked!

I'm quite interested to hear that you stay away from stories about eating disorders - in the QaF fandom, there aren't that many stories out there that deal with them. (In fact, to my knowledge, I've written about 75% of the ones that do). Some people have told me that they don't read them because it hits too close to home for them, which I totally understand. I try and make mine as brutally honest and accurate as possible (based on my own personal experience incidentally), which I guess gets a little too angsty for some. Anyway, I'm rambling. Suffice to say, I'm so glad that you're reading this now and I'm glad you find the story captivating! 

Thanks so much for reading and for yor wonderful review :-)

Reviewer: yvonnereid (Signed) · Date: September 07, 2012 09:01 PM · On: Trust

Your an amazing writer Emily ~ Yvonne xx

Author's Response:

Thanks Yvonne *hugs* I'm so glad you're enjoying this story :-D

Reviewer: 7wildwaysup (Signed) · Date: September 04, 2012 10:09 PM · On: Unity

I'm loving this story, even if it is a little sad... ~ Kathleen

Author's Response:

Thanks Kathleen! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. It is a little sad, but you know me - I love my angst ;) Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review. It means a lot *hugs*

Reviewer: Peaches (Signed) · Date: September 04, 2012 02:59 AM · On: Strength

What a story! I have never seem a QAF story with this plot and it was a great read. Thank you for sharing it I found it here.

Author's Response:

Thanks Peaches :-) I'm so thrilled that you enjoyed this story. I guess eating disorders are a little niche I've carved out for myself in QaF fic - I wrote another one about Justin with anorexia called 'A Moment on the Lips'. EDs seem to have a way of laying a person bear and the recovery is long, but it's always easier with the support of loved ones. Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful comment. It means a lot and I appreciate it so much :-)

Reviewer: Peaches (Signed) · Date: September 03, 2012 10:33 PM · On: Premonition

Monthly featured stories is a very cool idea. The writing is incredible.

Author's Response:

Monthy features are a great idea, and it's such a thrill and an honour as an author to have a story featured :-)

Reviewer: Tagsit (Anonymous) · Date: September 03, 2012 10:19 PM · On: Strength

Just reread this. Still good! Thanks. TAG

Author's Response:

Thanks Tag ;-) I'm thrilled that you still think it's still good *g* Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful comment. It means a lot :-)

Reviewer: NoChaser (Signed) · Date: September 03, 2012 12:19 PM · On: Premonition

Well, well, well deserved honor. This is one of my absolute favorite stories. Congratulations!

Think I'll be reading it again...

Roni

Author's Response:

Thanks Roni! I'm so thrilled that you love this story, and it's such an honour to have it featured. It's one of my favorite stories too, of all the stories I've written - it gave me a lot of insight into Brian's character. Thanks so much for reading, and for your lovely comment. I'm so happy that you've enjoyed this fic :-D

Reviewer: Sophie (Anonymous) · Date: July 14, 2012 02:14 AM · On: Strength

just finished reading this fic, definitely one of my all-time favourites. So well wrote, and the plot line was different - in a good way. I loved it! Plus, the poem used in the last chapter is really inspiration, i guess. not sure how to describe it. Your adaptation of the poem is so much nicer than the original:-) 

Author's Response:

Thanks Sophie! I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, and I'm honoured that you would count it among your favorites. The plot is a bit unusual, I agree, but I really wanted to explore the idea of Brian having an eating disorder. In canon, the fact that he had 'rules' about food (i.e., no cards about seven, making up ice cream calories on the stairmaster) that I don't think it's out of the rheum of possibilities. The concept of a strong Justin taking care of Brian (rather than vise versa) really intrigued me, too. I'm thrilled that you liked the Seven Crows poem at the end, too. It just seemed so appropriate :-)

Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review. It means a lot and I appreciate it so much *hugs*

 

Reviewer: Tagsit (Anonymous) · Date: May 30, 2012 10:23 PM · On: Betrayal

So sweet! TAG

Author's Response:

I'm glad you enjoyed it ;-) Thanks so much for reading, and for your wonderful comment!

Reviewer: Galesgal (Signed) · Date: June 05, 2011 07:48 AM · On: Premonition

That was wow.   I read this a long time ago.   Lad that its finished.   Poor Brian.   On to the next.

Author's Response:

Thanks - I'm really glad you enjoyed this! I admit it took much longer than it should have to be completed, but we got there in the end :-) Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review. It really means a lot :-D

Reviewer: Jessikaa (Signed) · Date: October 23, 2010 10:23 PM · On: Strength

Well... I don't have the words to express how much this story touch me. It feels almost impossible that such problems are probably common and maybe even all around us, people we know that are going through such difficulties with their world and dealing with it through a thing as simple, but also as important, as food, and we're so blinded by our own lives that we don't see it. But I do know how much possible this is now... Thank you for this story!

Author's Response:

Thank you for reading!! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this story and that it touched you. I feel like there are so many stereotypes surrounding eating disorders that it just doesn't occur to a lot of people that anyone - anyone - can be affected by them. Eating disorders in men are less common than in woman, but they do occur and they are becoming more common. And again, because of stereotypes, it's more difficult for men to firstly reach out and secondly accept help. It was hard enough to do as a young woman. I'm glad that this story may have helped enlighten some things :-) Again, I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: twiinklestar (Anonymous) · Date: March 16, 2010 02:49 AM · On: Reclamation

Now that was amazing. You chose the perfect moment for Brian to propose. I'd say it was the best moment of his life: he was having the best orgasm while being proposed to and loved by Brian Kinney. Hehe. Good work! I still can't find myself to blame Lindsay though.

~twiinklestar

Author's Response:

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed that little bit of romance at the end of the chapter. It was definitely a good moment for Justin, that's for sure :-) I don't mind of you can't bring yourself to blame Lindsay - I respect your point of view and I know you have valid reasons for believing what you believe. This was just my take on the post-513 events, but it's by no means that right one or the only one. You've shown that you respected my opinion of what happened by continuing to read even if you don't agree with it. That means a lot to me - Thank you :-)

Reviewer: twiinklestar (Anonymous) · Date: March 15, 2010 04:06 PM · On: Epiphany

I love the joke you made about the mounty apologizing and then reciting his apology in French. As a Canadian, I thought it was pretty funny. xP I think the fact that French is supposed to be our second language is halarious. The percentage of people that actually speak French -those that don't live in Quebec- is more than likely, very miniscule. I know that as soon as I hit ninth grade, I was thrilled to get out of the stupid language; err.. no offense if you are French or speak French. I just don't understand how certain objects are masculine and feminine and how every word is different depending on who it's coming from ore who it's referring to. Seems like a collosal waste of time to me. ANYWAY, I've somewhat regained faith in this story because Brian still admits to loving Lindsay very much. I'm hoping that they will not end their friendship because I love their friendship. I think it's sweet. Now, I'm not going to read the next chapter right now becuase it's already 2AM and I'm extremely tired so, good night/good morning. I'll read the rest when I wake up later today.

~twiinklestar

Author's Response:

LOL! I actually live in Quebec, so I'm always surrounded by bilingual people :-) I grew up in western Canada though, and only had high school French when I moved here. And continental French to boot, which I quickly leaned was not the same as Quebecois. I'm still trying to get my head around it, even after almost two years here. I totally agree that the masculine and feminine thing is totally confusing. I never know when to use 'une' or 'un', but it's embarrassing when one mixes them up...

Anyway, I'm glad you haven't lost hope in this story yet - I'm really happy that you're sticking with it. I do really think Lindsay and Brian are good friends, and I agree they have a special relationship. I never wanted Brian to end up hating Lindsay, but I just kind of felt Lindsay had to explain something to him... I know you don't agree with me and I respect that. Once again, I'm really glad you've taken the time to share your opinion. Thanks!

Reviewer: twiinklestar (Anonymous) · Date: March 15, 2010 03:23 PM · On: Betrayal

Okay, so I can't help but laugh about the whole Lindsay thing. I still find it unbelievable to put her to blame, although, I guess I see where you're coming from... But I don't think she did it on purpose. Oh, and then I read the reviews for this chapter to see if anyone agreed with me, but it seems my search was in vain. Everyone wanted Lindsay to "get what was coming to her." XP Each comment was truly a blow to the gut. Ah well. I still like the story. It's extremely cute.

Off to the next chapter,

~twiinklestar

PS: I think you should tag a Lindsay-bashing, just for other people - albeit, there are obviously few who share my passion for Lindsay's character - who come into the story with high opinions of her.

Author's Response:

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts :-) I do really appreciate your thoughts and I respect your point of view. Lindsay is a strong female character with strong values, and I think that was her merit. However, I personally can't understand why she did what she did at the end of season 5. Why did she take Gus away from Brian when she knew it would break his heart? Why did she encourage Justin to go to New York when he was just about to marry Brian? For me, it just doesn't add up. But my opinion is certainly not the only opinion, of course. I totally understand and respect the idea that Lindsay just wanted what was best for her son and for Justin as an artist. I'm really glad you spoke up here - I just wish I'd heard from you while I was still writing this story. It might have changed my outlook... Anyway, it's wonderful to hear from you now, regardless :-) Once again, thank you so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts!

P.S. - There s no 'anti-Lindsay tag in the MW categories. If there was, I would have tagged this story as such. I'm not trying to hide anything ;-)

Reviewer: monie91 (Anonymous) · Date: February 16, 2010 06:11 PM · On: Strength

i really liked this story. it really touches a base with everybody, because everyone has gone through something similar in their lives. you did a really good job of it, and probably helped many people with this story. nice work. 

Author's Response:

Thanks :-) I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. I think it is true that most people go through difficult periods of stress and depression at some point in their lives, for different reasons. Although everyone has different underlying issues, I think the main way of coping is the same: hang in there and stick with the people you love and trust. I really do hope that I have managed to help someone with this story, or at least helped people to understand eating disorders a little bit better. 

Thanks so much for reading, and for your wonderful comment. I means a lot and I really appreciate it :-)

Reviewer: Jackie (Anonymous) · Date: February 09, 2010 01:17 PM · On: Strength

I’m a sad to see this story end, but it ended wonderfully. While there were things that might be unresolved I think that Brian not letting others have control over him is a huge step. Having Justin by his side is going to be helpful. Justin isn’t going to easily forgive and will protect Brian. He will also hep Brian emotionally. I like the ‘Seven Crows’ poem it’s interesting. Wonderful work on this story. Thank you so much for sharing it.

Author's Response:

Thanks Jackie :-) I'm so glad you liked the ending. I know it wasn't quite a 'happily ever after', but it was on the way there. To take Brian to the end of his journey would take another couple of stories, and a considerable portion of my lifetime. But the victory for Brian isn't in the end point - it's in the recovery. It's in beleiving in himself, and learning that love means showing your weakness. I did leave a few loose ends as far as Justin's anger towards Lindsay, and the issue of Gus, which I might address in an epilouge sometime. But in the mean time, Brian will always have Justin to protect him :-) I'm really glad you liked the Seven Crows reference. I like it, too :-)

Thanks so much for reading, and for all your wonderful and insightful comments. They really mean a lot :-)

Reviewer: Annemieke (Anonymous) · Date: February 07, 2010 04:08 PM · On: Premonition

Wow what a great story!! I loved reading it!!

Author's Response:

 I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful comment. It means a lot :-)

Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: February 07, 2010 08:12 AM · On: Strength

I realize you can't dot every i and cross every t...but... I think down the road an epilogue would be nice... just to see how Brian worked out his eating problem and if Lindsay at least realized what she did was wrong...and allowed Gus a bigger part in Brian and Justin lives to make up for it .... Just a thought ..lol....  Thanks for a great fic....     

Author's Response:

Thanks ;-) Yeah, I agree with you. I had actually thought of adding something about Justin asking Lindsay to be the witness at their wedding so that he could make her 'sign Brian over to him'. Then I thought maybe that was a little too out of character for Justin. I'm pretty sure Justin will be furious with Lindsay for some considerable time in the future, though, and - in retaliation, if nothing else — will fight tooth and nail for Brian's parental rights. This was the kind of thing I was thinking of basing the epilogue on. Thanks for your thoughts on this :-) You've given something to think about...

Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: February 06, 2010 09:04 AM · On: Strength

I loved this fic and that Brian is starting the long road to recovery... but... I feel as if there still are many unresolved issues.... about Brians relationship with Gus and especially the fact that... neither Brian or Justin actually spoke to Lindsay about how she almost destroyed Brian life !!!!!  I think she was let off too easy.....  

Author's Response:

LOL ;-) I knew there would be someone who wasn't going to let me off so easy. I'm really glad you pointed this out though. Thanks :-) Yes, you're right. There are unresolved issues that I didn't deal with in this story, namely Justin's feeling towards Lindsay and the issue with Gus. Brian came to term with how he felt about Lindsay in the tenth chapter, which ended with Temptation the snake sliding away through the grass. That was what Brian needed in his recovery - that emotional release from Lindsay - and Brian's recovery was at the core of the story. Like Brian's recovery itself, the issue with Gus will also take a long time to sort out, but I wanted to give the impression that it would be done, now Brian had confronted Lindsay. Justin, on the other hand, will likely never trust Lindsay again. I have toyed with the idea of tying up some of these loose ends in an epilouge, but I haven't quite decided yet. I'm sort of holding out to see what other people think. But thank you again for poitning these things out :-)

Thanks so much for reading, and for your insightful comment. It means a lot! 

Reviewer: patheticgal (Anonymous) · Date: February 06, 2010 05:44 AM · On: Strength

i just not only enjoyed reading it, i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks for another wonderful, inspiring love story of brian and justin..........

Author's Response:

I'm so glad you've loved it :-) Knowing that means a lot to me. I'm thrilled that you've enjoyed this story. Thanks so much for reading, and for all your wonderful comments. I really appreciate it so much :-)

Reviewer: manuela (Anonymous) · Date: February 06, 2010 03:58 AM · On: Strength

I'm really happy you finished this story, I've been following it since the beginning and I loved it. This last chapter was great. I love the way Brian kept touching his ring and what he said about wanting his marriage with Justin being taken seriously. I loved the poem and the meaning you gave it to it in relation to the BJ relationship in this story.

I hope you're going to keep writing QAF fics because you're really good.

Thanks for this beautiful story.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. I really can't tell you how much I appreciate it :-) I'm thrilled that you've enjoyed this story, and I'm glad you liked the ending. I like that particular poem about the seven crows because no one really knows where it came from - you can give it whatever meaning you want, as Brian did. Anyway, again, I'm so glad you've enjoyed this tale. I have a feeing I'll be writing QaF fics as long as there are people out there to enjoy them :-) Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful comment. It means a lot :-)

Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: November 11, 2009 01:43 AM · On: Reclamation

Oh, what a wonderful chapter. I so enjoyed reading it. You´re a very talented author and I´m a bit sad to see this story coming to its end. I hope we will see more from you in the future.

Hugs, Sunny

Author's Response:

Thanks Sunny :-D I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter, and are still enjoying the story. I'm a bit sad to see it coming to an end as well, but this is the way I had planned it. I hope you liked the ending :-) Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review. I really appreciate it. *hugs*

Reviewer: mandagrammy (Signed) · Date: November 09, 2009 04:40 AM · On: Reclamation

Magnificent my dear Sapphire....truly mangnificent!  That last part is the best example of the difference between a sexual scene and a lovemaking scene.  It was filled with everything that real love entails...all the pain, pleasure, emotional connection, and ultimate reward that one experiences when they truly love someone.  It took my breath away and I re-read it several times to appreciate it even more. 

Your skilled exchange between Justin and Emmett made me feel as if I was in both rooms watching as they talked out their feelings with one another.  Bravo.  Not only was it wonderfully written but it was exactly as I would have expected from those two men.  I will so so sorry to see this story end, but I look forward to more of Etienne.  He is a rich character that I truly enjoyed listening to.

Thank you so much for the wonderful read.  I have to laugh because I too have noticed that there isn't as much activity going on as of late, but as long as we can continue to entertain those who love our boys so much then it is worth all the time and effort.  I hope to see much more from you in the future.

Great big hugs, Grammy

 

Author's Response:

Thanks Grammy. *HUGS* I'm so happy that you enjoyed this chapter. Coming from a writer as wonderful as yourself, that means a lot :-) I'm so glad the scene at the end meant something specail for you. Call me a ridiculous romantic, but tender and intimate love scenes between Brian and Justin stir something in me. To me, their love at times like this is almost perfect (like Emmett thought, 'powerful, eternal and unconditional'). *Sigh* Yes, like I said, call me a ridiculous romantic :-) I'm glad you liked the converstaion between Emmett and Justin, as well. Emmett was in an interesting situation here; torn between warning Justin about what he would find when he returned to Pittsburgh and respecting Brian's need to tell Justin himself. Of all of Brian and Justin's freinds, I somethimes think the Emmett was the only one who wasn't partial to opne of them. In any case, it worked out in the end, for better or worse. I'm glad you thought it was IC, too :-) It has been a bit quiet around here as of late. I haven't heard from quiet a few people I usually do. Hum. *Shrugs* Oh well, as long as we still love it, I guess that's the important thing :-) Thanks again for reading and for all of your wonderful and insightful comments. *Hugs*

Reviewer: calisurferchic (Anonymous) · Date: November 08, 2009 02:33 PM · On: Reclamation

that was so beautiful.

Author's Response:

 I'm so glad you thought so :-) Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review!

Author's Response:

 I'm so glad you thought so :-) Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: November 07, 2009 04:26 PM · On: Reclamation

Lovely update, thanks .. * makes happy dance * yes one more chapter

* hugs *

Author's Response:

Thanks Marny! I'm really glad you enjoyed this. *Hugs back* Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review! It's always great to hear from you :-)

Reviewer: kinneydu (Anonymous) · Date: November 07, 2009 03:42 AM · On: Reclamation

God, I love this story.  I am really looking forward to the final chapter.  You have done the characters so well, no OOC at all.  After reading this story, I can so see Brian acting like that.  And I am glad Lindsay was forced to face her manipulations.

Author's Response:

Thanks :-) I'm so happy that you're enjoying this story! It was vindicating to see Lindsay get her comeuppance, although it will be a long while before Brian is able to come to terms with it. His has, however, grasped the most important outcome of that interaction with Lindsay - he's now free to love Justin. He knew that which was why he asked Justin to marry him. I'm glad you see can this as being IC for Brian ;-) I hope you'll enjoyed the final chapter. Thanks so much for reading, and for your wonderful review!

Author's Response:

Thanks :-) I'm so happy that you're enjoying this story! It was vindicating to see Lindsay get her comeuppance, although it will be a long while before Brian is able to come to terms with it. His has, however, grasped the most important outcome of that interaction with Lindsay - he's now free to love Justin. He knew that which was why he asked Justin to marry him. I'm glad you see can this as being IC for Brian ;-) I hope you'll enjoyed the final chapter. Thanks so much for reading, and for your wonderful review!

Reviewer: Kat (Signed) · Date: November 06, 2009 04:21 PM · On: Reclamation

i knew Justin would be pissed about what happened and that Brian went to confront Lindsay without him.

LOVE that Brian asked Justin to marry him again and of course that Justin said yes!! The snake is finally banished.

Author's Response:

Thanks Kat ;-) Justin is really angry, but more because of what Lindsay said than because Brian went to confront her alone. I think what upset Justin about the fact that Brian went without him was that Brian would rather protect him (Justin) than protect himself. I think that's something he and Justin will have to work out, because it is a bit of a trust issue, but it's one that is innate to Brian personality. But yeah, now that they're engaged they can work these things out... ;-) Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review. *hugs*

Reviewer: cattabella (Anonymous) · Date: October 12, 2009 09:16 AM · On: Epiphany

I am always delighted to see you've updated. Firstly because I love this particular story, but also because of the overall quality of your work. Writing should be a intelligent and artful creation, and yours definately is.

Author's Response:

Thanks ;-) Knowing you appreciate the writing itself as well as the story means a lot. For me, writing is very much an artful and intelligent creation, and one that I obviously enjoy immensely :-) Thank you so much for reading, and for your wonderful comment. It really means a lot ;-)

Reviewer: mandagrammy (Signed) · Date: October 11, 2009 07:15 AM · On: Release

Have no fear, Sapphire, because enjoy is not enough of a word to describe how much I liked this chapter.  I have to admit that I had a tiny fear that you would exaggerate Lindsay to the point of being evil.  That wouldn't have been right in my own eyes, but instead you made her human and fallible which is totally believable.  I respect that a great deal.  Emmett was beyond an angel in this chapter, which is exactly how I think of him all the time.  He is truly the man with a heart of gold.  I had the biggest grin on my face when he called Brian 'baby'.  Soooooo Emmett!  You are obviously writing a 'labor of love' here because it shows in every word.  Bravo once again, my dear.  I looke forward eagerly to the final chapter, although I will be sorry to see it end.  Thank you for giving me such a great read again.  Big hugs, Grammy 

Author's Response:

Thanks Grammy ;-) I don't think Lindsay is innately evil, nor do I believe she even considered the possibilities that her actions might affect Brian so negatively. She is naive- I always thought that about her, and her desire for a 'real' family was always very strong. I also think she was probably bisexual - she had that affair with Sam once, but I always sort of felt she was having a continuous one-sided affair with Brian as well. It was a culmination of this view of the world and her near hero-worship of Brian (believing he could never be harmed) that lead to her actions. It was very wrong of her, but Brian I think sort of understood her motives. That was why he didn't end up hating her, although learning to forgive might be considerably more difficult. I'm really glad you liked Emmett in this chapter, too. I was afraid at first that 'baby' might be too much, so I'm glad you think it wasn't ;-) Thanks again for reading, and for your wonderful insightful review. I really, really appreciate it. *hugs*

Reviewer: SS (Anonymous) · Date: October 09, 2009 07:30 AM · On: Premonition

FINALLY, A NEW CHAPTER!!!!!! This was GREAT!!!!! I do wish MEL was there to hear everything though. NOW LIDS HAS TO DEAL WITH JUSTIN!!!!! I KNOW HE WON'T FALL FOR LIDS TRICKS OR HOLD BACK!!!!! KEEP UP THE WORK!!!!!

Author's Response:

LOL :-D Thanks! I love the enthusiasm of all your capital letters ;-) Yes, it's true that Brian still loves Lindsay, but Justin will be a whole new ball game. Justin has been very protective of Brian all through his recovery and he won't be happy to know that the reason Brian had to suffer so much was because Lindsay couldn't let him go. He won't be so forgiving... Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful and enthusiastic review ;-)

Author's Response:

LOL :-D Thanks! I love the enthusiasm of all your capital letters ;-) Yes, it's true that Brian still loves Lindsay, but Justin will be a whole new ball game. Justin has been very protective of Brian all through his recovery and he won't be happy to know that the reason Brian had to suffer so much was because Lindsay couldn't let him go. He won't be so forgiving... Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful and enthusiastic review ;-)

Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: October 08, 2009 11:48 PM · On: Release

OMG....  Don't tell me after the hell that BITCH Lindsay has done to Brian he is going to FORGIVE her at the drop of a hat????  She tore him to pieces because she "Loves" him and she gets off without a scratch!!!! I hope you will make her suffer in some way for what she did.... I love this story...but... I would love to make a Snake Skin purse out of Lindsay's hide...

Author's Response:

LOL! 'Snake skin purse'... I like that ;-) Well, as far as Brian forgiving Lindsay, he hasn't really. He just said that so she'd tell him the truth. What he did say was that he still loved her. You have to remember that Lindsay is still the mother of his child, and they share Gus between them. Also, although Brian's reasons are complicated, I think he does understand, deep down, that Lindsay never intended to hurt him. What she did was cruel and stupid and selfish, but he never wanted him to get hurt. She just thought he was indestructible. Justin, on the other hand, might not be so easy to forgive... Thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate your insightful and honest comments ;-)

Reviewer: alys (Anonymous) · Date: October 08, 2009 11:51 AM · On: Premonition

great chapter. loved the coversation btwn em and brian, em was always loyal to brian and a real friend.  linds is always kinda scary, a les wanting to marry her gay friend..... head spinner

can't wait for the next chapter

Author's Response:

Thanks Alys ;-) I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter, especially the parts with Brain and Emmett. Emmett is a really great friend, and he's totally loyal. Brian was lucky to have had him. And yeah, I guess Lindsay is a bit of a headcase ;-) Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review! ;-)

Reviewer: meme (Anonymous) · Date: October 08, 2009 08:35 AM · On: Release

Let him go…. she should have never done what she did to them in the first place (in the name of love) that not real love and she has to face Justin as well. It’s good that he forgave her for his pace of mind but she not a friend.

Author's Response:

What Lindsay did to Brian was wrong, and she should not have done it. But I think what Brian understands is that she didn't do it on purpose, and that's why he forgave her. Brian knows that he's been her knight in shining armor for so long (even thought she held the cards), that him becoming seriously ill as a direct result of her actions didn't occur to her. She thought he was indestructible. I think maybe a small part of him still values that, even though he know it shouldn't. And you're right- Lindsay now also has Justin to contest with. He might not be nearly as understanding... Anyway, thanks so much for reading and for your insightful review! I really appreciate it:-)

Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: October 08, 2009 05:05 AM · On: Release

this was an opening for him but i feel nothing is going to change on lindsay end. i wish to hell that mel was there to hear it all. i can't believe that she more or less told him that because she couldn't have her dream fulfilled, it was easier to punish him. and he forgave her! i'm as shocked as emmett.

maybe this is the first step, a giant step of getting on the right track.

now this thing with the au pair and private for school gus, nice to let him know. what a bitch she really is.

Author's Response:

I think LIndsay is selfish, but in a very childish and native way. She honestly didn't think Brian would fall apart when she sent Justin to New York and took Gus away- she didn't think of it. To her, Brian was indestructible. When she was faced with the reality the he loved someone else enough to dedicate his life the him. She panicked. She did the first thing that came into her mind without thinking of how it would affect him. It was a cruel and selfish thing to do, but Brian forgave her because he understood how childish h=she really was inside. He fell in love with that innocence...even though it turned into something so destructive. But you're right- it is a big step. For both of them. Lindsay will have to let Brian go, and because it was he who asked her, she might just do it... Anyway, thanks so much for reading, as always, and for your wonderful review! 

Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: September 17, 2009 07:57 PM · On: Epiphany

i think having emmett as his back up is perfect. there is a strength in him that no one even knows. not the best of friends quite yet, but always there for the important things. emmett didn't like brian's thoughts of him and his adoring public but emmett learned that what brian said was true. it may have hurt to hear it, but the truth always hurts.

i'm curious how brian will react after the confrontation. that will be one intense chapter for sure. looking forward to it.

Author's Response:

Thanks ;-) I actually think Brian and Emmett are really good for each other, because they're so different. And Emmett is not afraid to tell Brian what he thinks- he's not afraid to be honest, and that's something the Brian values. It's true that they're not friends in the same way the Brian and Michael or Ted and Emmett are friends, but i still think they have a pretty special relationship. It's mutual which, for Brian, is a bit out of the ordinary... Anyway, I really hope you'll like the next chapter! Thanks so much for reading, and for your wonderful review! 

Reviewer: B/Jfanatic (Anonymous) · Date: September 09, 2009 09:14 AM · On: Epiphany

You really write the most brilliant, well-written stories on here and this one is no exception, it is one of your best! I could totally see Brian having this disorder, he was very controlling and obsessive on the show; all you've been describing about his behavior rings true. Very heartbreaking and realistic reading what he and Justin are going thru. I love how you've taken his dysfunctional Lindsay relationship to a whole new level.  Their relationship always struck me as odd, as she seemed almost more possessive and manipulative than even Mikey! The problem being she is more intelligent and subtle  and went under most folks' radars, but then  in Season 5 she was like a Lucretia Borgia to me, very evil and toxic... she even looked rather demonic at times! I do like the way you've neatly fitted canon into your storyline, very believable and a fascinating tale thusfar. Hope to read more soon!

Author's Response:

Wow, what a wonderful compliment! Thank you! I'm so happy that you're enjoying this story, and that you're finding it both believable and in character. Particularly in the first season, Brian was a bit weird about food and exercise, and he continued that theme throughout the series. Although he didn't have an eating disorder then, per se, his perfectionistic personality and his need for control could certainly have led to one, if there was a trigger. In this story, that trigger was, of course, Justin and Gus leaving. As both events were (in my mind, anyway) orchestrated to some extent to Lindsay, this was the arch I chose to peruse. I thought at first I might be painting Lindsay blacker than she really was, but the more I think about- the more subtle possession and manipulation I see- the more it makes sense to me. I'm really glad that you see eye to eye with me on that one ;-) I really hope you like where it goes from here! Thanks so much for reading, and for your amazing review. Your interest and insights keep me inspired ;-D

Reviewer: mandagrammy (Signed) · Date: September 09, 2009 03:53 AM · On: Epiphany

My dear Sapphire, I eagerly and patiently await the next chapter.  Believe me, it is more than worthy of a wait no matter how short or long that is.  Your story recap was a very thoughtful gesture.  Thank you so much for thinking of it, although I must admit that I never forget where this story is.  It is that memorable. 

Now on to this chapter.  I must tell you that I am thrilled to death over your inclusion of Emmett in this chapter.  Everything about it was so totally the real Brian and Emmett relationship in tone and feel.  Their exchanges fit them like a second skin.  I loved the scene with the truckers, and Brian's final reaction to their bullying is indeed what the old Brian would have done in defiance of those twits.  I also loved that brief flashback which was a perfect gap filler for Season 5.  Now I am dying to read the confrontation with Lindsay.  I never disliked her the way so many of the fans have, but your explanation of how she was similar to the Mother in King Solomon's story was excellent and a point well taken.  Bravo again.  You have truly entertained me as I knew you would.  Big huge hugs, Grammy

 

Author's Response:

Thanks Grammy. *Hugs back* I'm glad you're finding this story so memorable, and that you feel it's worth the wait for the updates. That makes me feel better ;-) Anyway, I'm really glad you like Emmett in this chapter. I've always loved Emmett because he has a different kind of relationship with Brian and he does to any of the rest of the gang. They're close, but they don't like to appear close, if that makes any sense. I also think that Emmett has a different relationship to Justin than he does to Brian, which has always intrigued me. On top of that, he's just a great character. And as for Lindsay- I personally have never liked her because she was always made a show of loving Brian, but then at the end of the series, she took the two things from him that mean the most in the world: Justin and Gus. One explanation- and certainly it's not the only one- is the one I've given in this story. That Lindsay had a 'if I can't have him, no one can' kind of mentality... Anyway, I hope you like where it goes from here, when Brian confronts her...

Thanks so much for reading, and for your amazing reviews. I just adore them, and they mean so much to me. Thank you. *Hugs*

Reviewer: alys (Anonymous) · Date: September 08, 2009 08:53 PM · On: Epiphany

great chapter, happy to see more. loved brian's kissing emmie lou, quite an empifany ;-)

Author's Response:

LOL ;-) Thanks Alys. 'Emmie Lou'...I love it! I love Emmett, too. He's awesome ;-) I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks so much for reading, as always, and for all your wonderful reviews ;-D

Reviewer: Kat (Signed) · Date: September 08, 2009 03:15 PM · On: Epiphany

I'm glad that Brian asked Emmett to go to Toronto with him.

This was such an insightful line "She had cut him into pieces; had preferred to see him divided him up instead of seeing him whole with anyone else." That makes what she did even more disturbing and beyond bitchy. I hope the next chapter is the confrontation.  

Author's Response:

LOL ;-) The next chapter will be the confrontation, I promise. It was going to be in this chapter, but then I thought of putting the flashback in, and that made the chapter quite long enough as it was. Anyway, fireworks for next time ;-) I'm glad you liked that line. For the Lindsay in this story, it's very true. She did the same thing with JR (metaphorically, of course), at least to begin with. I don't think it has so much to do with being a bitch (that is, deliberately malicious)  as just being very controlling. Subtly though. Lindsay always struck me as someone who was passive aggressive. We'll see how well that holds up in the next chapter... Thanks so much for reading, and for your much loved comment. I really appreciate it ;-)

Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: August 16, 2009 02:52 PM · On: Temptation

Love this story so much, hope to see an update soon

Author's Response:

Thanks Marny :-) I'm glad you're enjoying it! The next update is coming- chapter 8 is important and I want to make sure I get it right, so I don't want to rush it. But I promise it'll be up soon. Thanks again for reading, and for your wonderful comment!

Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 06, 2009 09:43 PM · On: Temptation

 

I hate snakes.. so it makes perfect sense to portray Lindsay as a snake in Brian's nightmare and in his life... I just hope that in his weak condition confronting Lindsay in Toronto while Justin is away won't make Brian's recovery impossible......

Author's Response:

Traits typically assigned to snakes -slyness, subtly, deceptiveness- all seem to apply to Lindsay (at least in this story). Brian will have to be very careful when he confronts her, because she could so easily twist his words- but he feels it's necessary for his recovery... Anyway, thanks so much for reading, and for your wonderful review. I really appreciate it!

Reviewer: cattabella (Anonymous) · Date: August 06, 2009 11:38 AM · On: Temptation

That was some amazing dream symbolism. Please update soon I am eager to see how the confrontation goes..

Author's Response:

Thanks ;-) I'm very glad that you liked the symbolism in the dream. I hope you'll like where this story goes from here. It shouldn't be too long before the next chapter ;-) Thanks so much for reading, and for your wonderful review! 

Reviewer: mandagrammy (Signed) · Date: August 06, 2009 02:11 AM · On: Temptation

Truly amazing work Sapphire, and I enjoyed every moment of it.  Again, you have a way of describing a scene that makes it absolutely real...breathing life into every moment.  The dream sequence was flawless and I want to thank you personally for your interpretation.  I agree that there could be more than one interpretation but I felt very similarly to you, although not exact.  Certainly close enough to get your excellent point.  That is why your stories intrigue me.  Thye tell more than just a story, they teach life lessons.  Thank you again for a wonderful read.  I look forward to that risky visit to Canada.  It should be an eye opener in more ways than one, I imagine.  Hugs, Grammy

Author's Response:

Hi Grammy :-) Thanks so much for your wonderful review. I can't tell you hoe much I appreciate getting them. *hugs* I hesitated about putting the dream explanation in at the end. One of the beauties of figurative writing is that every reader has their own interpretation. But I thought that the analogies in this case may be a little but abstract, so i though I might provide some guidelines. I'm glad you were able to form your own interpretation, but still got the 'point' of the dream, as it were. I'm very glad you find this story so intriguing. I hope you'll like where it goes from here... Thanks again for reading, and for your wonderful comment!