Reviewer: Naughty_teaspoon (Signed) · Date: May 21, 2019 10:34 AM · On: Hold On To Me
"And he is… …I don’t know how I ever could have thought I had anywhere to be but here. Anything else to do but this. Anyone to love but him. "
Yes, yes *tear up*
Reviewer: Naughty_teaspoon (Signed) · Date: May 21, 2019 10:09 AM · On: Your Voice on My Phone
"He thinks I need perfection all the time, but I don’t. What I need is beauty, and he always has that."
This line is so beautiful. My heart <3
Reviewer: Naughty_teaspoon (Signed) · Date: May 21, 2019 10:04 AM · On: Interventions
Thank God for these wonderful people in Brian and Justin life! They both need some push right now.
Reviewer: Naughty_teaspoon (Signed) · Date: May 21, 2019 09:49 AM · On: The First Minutes
That was so raw and wonderful *O* Feelings hitting at the right places.
Reviewer: chandrika (Anonymous) · Date: March 23, 2012 09:29 PM · On: The First Minutes
thank you for sharing
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: January 19, 2010 11:07 AM · On: Everything I Am
This is an interesting idea- I waited until you finished the story, even though I knew you were posting regularly- not so sure about Brian being the cutter- I would have seen Justin in that role- so a twist on the topic. Very relevant topic for today- a more common practice than people think-
from a clinican standpoint, I don't think having Brian show Justin his cutting is good, but from a story point, it definetly was appropriate.
sfscarlet
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I thought it would be an interesting topic to explore, and heavens knows Brian is dealing with enough already in Why Not With Me. I can see what you mean from a health perspective, but I'm glad it at least worked for the story (1 out of 2, right!?!). :)
Thanks for reading!! :)
Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: January 17, 2010 06:50 PM · On: Everything I Am
That was a very intense story with a difficult content but you did a wonderful job. I would like to read an epilogue. I´m happy that you´re writing here in the QAF fandom and I´m following all your stories even if I´m not commenting every time. Sorry for that.
Hugs, Sunny
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am so glad to know that you're enjoying all the stories. I don't do much on QAF outside of this, and I absolutely love all the people I've met here on MW. I hope you like the epilogue that I finally posted! :)
Hugs back,
Tiffany
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2010 09:11 PM · On: Everything I Am
*still crying*
You really kill me with your stories, do you know that??
*hugs*
But they are really awesome. Amazing. Wonderful. And I really love you for writing them...
Author's Response: Awww, well -- I'm always so happy that you love the stories, but maybe I need to write some happy fluff stories for Kitty!!!!
*hugs*
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2010 08:50 PM · On: The First Minutes
Oh.
My.
God.
*sniffs*
Have to go on reading... *runs to the second chapter*
Author's Response: *hands over Kleenex*
Reviewer: v eglogic (Anonymous) · Date: January 14, 2010 10:42 PM · On: Everything I Am
Different from your other stories but just as powerful. I loved every minute of it. Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I am thrilled that you liked this one as well! :) I'm surprised people liked it so much; it's a risk posting something so different. :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: January 14, 2010 01:44 AM · On: Everything I Am
Well, you know some of my thoughts on this series already :) But not all, so this review is really a comment on the story as a whole.
First of all, I think the style you’ve chosen fits really well. The dual points of view initially emphasize the devolution of a “relationship” into Brian and Justin as separate people with apparently separate lives. That it’s “him” and “me” with a underlying desire for an “us”. And it’s that structure which really allows us to feel the tension and longing as Brian and Justin gradually move closer to a reconciliation – because we’re grounded in their separation at a textual level. In my mind, I see Brian and Justin in this story as two tumbleweeds spinning madly in their own seemingly random and uncontrolled whirlwind just waiting for the right gust to blow them back together.
Secondly, I’m a huge fan of the pacing in this story. The snapshots into their lives and the time jumps are like a shuttering movie reel and make us think about the times in between as much as the events we’re shown. The standout “Justin” line for me was in chapter two, where he says “I like New York. It’s been a fun visit. Maybe I should write Brian a postcard and tell him that”. I don’t know, I just found that line very moving – all the uncertainty and longing summed up in three short sentences.
Finally, my vote is for an epilogue. Because while it’s true that the circumstances which gave rise to Brian’s dysfunctional behaviour may have been somewhat resolved by his reconnection with Justin, you’re absolutely correct that recovery is not a “quick fix”. I like the fact that Justin made an unequivocal statement about what is and isn’t acceptable, together with the emphasis on Brian not hurting himself. Because while in an obvious sense self-harm is physically injuring yourself, in most cases that’s not where the damage actually lies. It’s harming yourself in a different way. No matter how much Brian means it when he says that he’ll stop, at that point of heightened emotion and confrontation, it’s an addictive behaviour. An external circumstance may trigger the behaviour but in the absence of alternative coping strategies I don’t know that it’s something he’ll merely be able to stop, no matter how much he means it at the time or how much Justin wants him to.
Author's Response: It's interesting that you mentioned the effect of the varying POVs as "him" "me" and "us." At one point, I considered writing one or two sections of the story in the third person (i.e. achieving "us" in some form). Obviously I didn't choose to go with it for this story, but I think it is something worth exploring, perhaps in another story. Makes me think of the play, Roshomon... That would make an interesting style for a fic, assuming that there could be a central event that everyone described from their own perspective.
It was such a relief not to have to keep track of whether it was Monday, Wednesday or Friday in the story, or think of a day-by-day account to get through every moment of time until the next "moment" in the story. I could really get used to this!!!
That line of Justin's was a poignant one for me because it showed a) the way his denial was swept up with nostalgia and longing, and b) it showed so well how this coping mechanism was keeping them apart. If he wants to pretend his visiting, he can hardly talk to Brian without shattering that illusion. Sending a postcard would reveal too much about how much he did miss Brian... So it highlights Justin's plight in that way. I usually don't like it when I "write for" Justin very much, but this actually made some sense I think.
I definitely am going to do an epilogue. I agree that this moment was as good as it could be as a starting point. I love that you chose the word "confrontation" -- that is precisely as I thought of it. It's a confrontation on many fronts -- confronting each other with the realities of their silence, of their growth apart, a confrontation with their own emotions and finally Justin's confrontation of Brian with the idea that this was not normalized as he wished to pretend. And moreover, Justin's confronting Brian's fear of being rejected. The drama of that moment might be enough to get him started, but it will take a great deal of work and substance to sustain a commitment to his own wellness. I hope I can capture it in an epilogue!
Thanks so much for your thoughts on the story! (do I say this too much?!)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 07:01 AM · On: Everything I Am
I think an epilogue would be great.... to see how well Brian handles this problem as time goes on...
Author's Response: Yeah -- I will definitely be doing an epilogue; it seems to be popular demand. I'm going to do a little research and make sure that my thinking about it is on the right track first, then I'll write and post. I hope everyone will enjoy it.
Thanks so much as always for your thoughts and support!
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 06:52 AM · On: Save My Soul Tonight
OMG.... I am confused and upset..... why would Justin need to see Brian cut himself... to know what he was feeling at the time????? couldn't Brian have just explained what was going through his mind.. without actually doing it ?? how could Justin sit there and and watch the man he loves..hurt himself.. so that he could understand how it felt??? Why is it so important that Justin understands Brian's thoughts and feelings at the time he cuts himself??? It's more important that he help Brian get through whatever pain he is feeling and make sure it doesn't happen again....
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 05:47 AM · On: Hold On To Me
I don't understand how two extremely intelligent, loving and caring men.. can be sooooo STUPID.... they put each other through 6 months of unnecessary torture and pain... because they can't ...COMMUNICATE.... Justin wanted to be in the Pitts.... Brian wanted him home.... but..they never said a word!!!!! and now Brian is making it seem as if what he did to himself was nothing... as if he gave himself a bad haircut... I think both of them need therapy.... where is Dr. Stevenson when you need him .. lol..
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 05:15 AM · On: Your Voice on My Phone
Hurray... they finally spoke to each other..... I am thrilled that Justin is going home...but... how will he react to the cuts.... I don't think any ointment is going to "erase" the scars Brian has...
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 05:08 AM · On: Interventions
Thank God for Ted..... I am glad that he stood his ground with Brian.... Ted knows exactly how it feels...because he went through something like it himself.... I am still shocked that Brian would resort to such destructive behavior......
Reviewer: shimayo (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 02:56 AM · On: Everything I Am
Hi, Tiffany,
Just to tell you I loved this story and an epilogue will be warmly appreciated! Also to send you a bunch of sunny thoughts from the other side of the world. Thank for sharing.
Author's Response: Hi! I can use lots of sunny thoughts, so thanks so much -- actually probably I need that more than anything so they are very, very much appreciated! :) I'm delighted that you liked the story and rest assured an epilogue will be posted soon.
Tiffany
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 12:46 AM · On: Problems
This is sooo sad and pathetic at the same time... Justin is doing what he "thinks" Brian wants and expects not what he actually wants to do and Brian.. I don't know what Brian is trying to do... I never thought of him as someone that would actually do damage to himself.... I mean besides the drinking, drugs and tricking.... actually cutting or maiming himself....I can't picture that... I always thought his looks and appearance were extremely important to him..
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 12:27 AM · On: Coping
OMG.... why does it always have to be all or nothing for them??? why can't they leave and still stay in touch like normal people ??? I think I answered my own question..... their not normal.... lol....
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 12:16 AM · On: Denial
Things are very clear.... they are both acting as if everything is alright... when nothing could be more wrong....
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: January 13, 2010 12:09 AM · On: The First Minutes
I waited till this was finished to read it..... Wow.... I could see it as something Justin would do... try to convince himself he was just "visiting" NY... I guess Brian could have been in that much pain... he usually hid it..especially from himself....
Author's Response: I think Brian was really surprised at how hurt he was... I think he just didn't let himself really think about it so much, and then suddenly Justin was really gone and it all seemed so sudden to him, and so painful.
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 10:17 PM · On: Everything I Am
--Knowing this… that I have him here unconditionally, that he really loves me… it’s an incredible feeling. And within this safety I think we can get through anything together. So when he tells me he needs me to promise that I won’t cut myself any more, I can. --
Thats all Brian needed to know, he will always have Justins love. *sigh*
An epiloge, please!
Thank's so much for the wonderful and amazing story!
Author's Response: *smiles*
It was definitely huge for Brian -- that he trusted someone with his emotions, and Justin was able to handle it, and not look away or turn away from him in any way. He was still there... it was a great moment for him.
I'm delighted that you enjoyed the story so much and I will have an epilogue coming soon!! :)
Tiffany
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 03:30 PM · On: Everything I Am
Epilogue please I loved the fic thank you
Author's Response: *grins*
Okay, one epilogue coming soon! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!! :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 03:10 PM · On: Everything I Am
Hi Iread the story and I think it was brilliant! You handled a difficult subject with sensitivity and understanding! Loved it!! Can't wait to see what you write next! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much; you're far too generous! I really appreciate your thoughtful comments throughout. I'll have more stories soon, probably mostly short ones until "Why Not With Me" is done. I hope you'll enjoy them all just as much as this one. :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 02:50 PM · On: Everything I Am
Interested in a epilogue!? YES YES YES. I need more, you write wonderful.
* hugs *
Author's Response: *grins* Okay! I get the point!! :) I'll do an epilogue soon! So glad you enjoyed this one as well!
*hugs back! *!! :)
Reviewer: BigPaw (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 10:11 AM · On: Everything I Am
I'm sure you can guess I'm all for an epilogue. This was such a great story, the wonderful plot and style of writing blended so well. I know this might sound a little too picky but I really get turned off by reading a story with too many errors, this was flawless. I will wait on pins and needles for the next story.
Lori
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I am so thrilled that people enjoyed this story so much; it seemed to go so fast to me! Thanks so very much for your kind words...
I must really be an incurable perfectionist, because while I blush at it being called "flawless" I think I've found 10 errors in the final two chapters alone!!!! You're too kind! *grins*
I'll have more stories soon; probably short ones until the day comes when I finish "Why Not With Me;" hopefully I'll find a new "big one" to write by then. I'm fortunate to have such wonderfully supportive reviewers like yourself!
Oh, and I'll have an epilogue up soon. :)
TIffany
Reviewer: grandmapam (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 09:50 AM · On: Everything I Am
I had a student who cut..and yes, it is a long path. This was an elementary student..and the mom had no idea it was as serious as it is. I hope you do write an epilogue showing him getting prof. help for this. It took an act of God to get it for my student...nice that Brian has Justin and a lot of resources!
I enjoy your writing a lot..always nice to have stories with good plots, great grammar and sentence structure! Keep it up!! Pam
Author's Response: I've had a student with similar issues (first grade....). It is so hard to get help; it takes forever, and a tremendous amount of paperwork, and twice the amount of luck (and time, unfortunately).
Thanks so much for your compliments! Wow! I'm so glad you like the stories so much! I'll have more stories soon, and of course the big one. :) I hope you'll keep reading! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 09:25 AM · On: Everything I Am
Yay, fluff to end the heart ache. You even managed to almost mend it. I think an epilogue would do the trick ;)
Not to put pressure on you or anything *tries to look innocent and failing misserably*
Author's Response: Yep, a little fluff is good! *smiles* I'll do the epilogue soon, I promise! :) Can't leave hearts only partially mended! :)
Reviewer: Brit (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 09:20 AM · On: Everything I Am
Hi I read your story! =) and I have to say it was very good... I haven't been on here in months and I have to say becasue of you I'm going to be checking out and reading more stories!!! Thanks for helping me to remember why I always loved this fandom xoxo
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I am so glad to hear that, and really flattered. I hope you'll find lots of stories that you'll enjoy!! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 09:04 AM · On: Everything I Am
"I used to hide so much from him. How much I cared about him, the guilt I felt after the bashing, the very fact that I loved him, that I wanted him to choose me over Ian… that I had cancer… that I really did want him with me through all of that… I never told him that I worried he would never return from California. And I never tried to keep him with me even when he came back. I hid all my heartache, all my pain and loneliness from him. Well, from everyone. Maybe I didn’t trust that he would love me if he saw it all… if he saw all the imperfection and the very depths of me. And I guess I feared that if he did know everything… if he knew all of me… that he might leave."'
i hope that while he was thinking this, he was speaking out loud. that's everything he's always wanted to hear.
wonderful ending,
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! That part -- I hope Justin did hear it, one way or another... I think this was such a huge moment for Brian to be totally "open' for a while and see that he would come through the other side, and Justin would be there with him. Thanks so much for your reviews!!
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2010 08:44 AM · On: Everything I Am
Amazing. Just amazing! :)
And yes, clearly recovering from cutting behavior is not as easy as saying "I'll stop" - just like not doing drugs/drinking is not quite as easy as just saying "No." But sometimes it's enough to see them start down the path without seeing the journey itself.
That being said, I'd personally love to see an epilogue if only because I enjoy your writing so much! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much. Definitely it would be a long, long road ahead for them both. I will do the epilogue soon; I hope I can do the journey some justice. :) Thanks again as always for your support.
Reviewer: BigPaw (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 03:15 AM · On: Save My Soul Tonight
I thought this chapter was perfect. It was not too much for me, I felt it was the only way to go, it was the way to go with the way the story was building. I am crushed to thing we only have one chapter left. Any chance the word count is over one billion? This has been one amazing ride. Thank you so much for a great escape from my life.
Lori
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I felt it was the only way to go, too. I mean, I love the idea of Justin stopping him, but foremost in my mind was that Justin had to see everything, for better or worse.
I'm sorry; the last chapter's a short one. This is my first "mid-length" fic. In some ways I would like to extend it, but I think I'd be repeating a *lot* of things I've already written in another story of mine, thereby boring probably myself and a lot of readers.
I really appreciate your comments though. It means so much to know that the story is appreciated and enjoyed. It has been a great escape for me, too. I have a few other stories that I'll write soon (a few one shots, and I'm trying to come up with another long one) so I hope you'll keep an eye out for that.
Hope you'll also like the last chapter!
Tiffany
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 12, 2010 12:51 AM · On: Save My Soul Tonight
Wow… I would'nt have thought, Justin would go thus far and let Brian cut himself . That was very hard for both of them and for me too. I was breathless for a moment, but now I look forward and want them happy together. Yeah...I'm addicted to happy endings. *sigh*
Author's Response: Yeah... my focus really was on them sharing that, and having Brian's emotions fully seen, and the truth totally known. It never even occurred to me that Justin might stop him.
It was tough to write -- the end is happy (though subdued). I hope you'll enjoy it! :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2010 07:54 PM · On: Save My Soul Tonight
WOW!! Amazing! I didn't think it was too graphic as it would have seemed to diminish the importance of the act if you had not written it like that! Still reeling - no wonder your heart is pounding I think mine is too! Look forward to the next (happy!) ep! Soon please! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! I am really glad to hear that it was seen that way. I do want to take the subject matter seriously, and I'm already worried that I've minimized recovery. I had to at least do it some justice.
I know I have to post a warning to a chapter whenever my stomach's in knots writing it (as it was for this and a few chapters of another story of mine, Why Not With Me). I just posted the next one / last one. I hope you'll enjoy it! Thanks so much for your comments and support!!
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2010 06:50 PM · On: Save My Soul Tonight
It's always darkest just before dawn...
Painful and brutal but necessary in order for Justin (& your readers) to truly begin to understand Brian's reasons for cutting. You've done an excellent job at handling a painfully private and intense coping mechanism with grace and compassion.
Author's Response: *******can't find words enough to say thanks ***********
Your words are more than I could have hoped for -- to know that I tried to portray the truth in a sensitive way.... Thanks so, so, so much.....
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2010 06:06 PM · On: In Sunlight
Great chapter Justin demanding answers from brian and them realising how much easier it is when they are together.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I don't know how I missed this review earlier, but I just found it. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and hope you'll like the epilogue, just posted. :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2010 12:00 PM · On: Save My Soul Tonight
so painful for both of them. brian feeling guilty just isn't right. he told justin it would be good for him, but justin is the one whom made the final decision. brian can't shoulder all the blame. there really shouldn't be any blame. one thing they did learn from all this is that they HAVE to talk.
fantastic chapter.
Author's Response: Yeah -- if this doesn't drill into them the importance of communication, I don't know what will!!!!
Thanks so much! I'm delighted that you liked the chapter!!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2010 08:11 AM · On: Save My Soul Tonight
This was intense. I'm not sure I agree with Justin that this was the only way, at least I had hoped that he would stop Brian before he actually cut. He could have just listened to what he had to say and then stopped his hand.
Maybe I just don't want to see Brian hurt :)
I'm looking forward to the final and happy chapter.
Author's Response: That's true; I didn't think of that. I was very focused on Justin seeing the whole thing, and on the idea that Brian had to be entirely exposed, as harsh as it was. Probably that would've been a good idea, though (wish I woul have thought of it!).
Yep, I promise a happy chapter!!
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 09, 2010 09:18 PM · On: In Sunlight
I agree, seeing Brian in tears is one of the fastest ways to center/refocus Justin's emotions/thoughts because Brian so infrequently shows that level of emotion/vulnerability.
Enjoy the weekend! :D
Author's Response: Exactly what I was thinking -- that sight would surely stop him in his tracks, emotionally and otherwise. I"m glad because although his anger is justified, Brian also needs a little quiet at this point. :)
The weekend has been okay but rather boring. Hope yours is going well!
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 09, 2010 07:39 PM · On: In Sunlight
I can imagine Justin feels like hit by a bus because of Brians answer. But Brian should explain it. And so does Justin because of his "visiting" NY.
--“I’m only happy when I’m here, living with you,” he says into the peace of the loft.-- *sigh* Me too!
Author's Response: You're right -- Brian has a lot of explaining to do... really, tehy both do. Maybe 6 months worth of explaining! :) That should teach them something. Thanks so much for the review!
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 09, 2010 06:25 PM · On: In Sunlight
This was wonderful! Brought tears to my eyes! I am glad you chose this subject too. Once I would never have read it for that reason though! I once discovered one of my kids had been 'cutting'; in a way it was good cos we could get the help needed but for all those out there who think cutting doesn't 'hurt' try to imagine how the people who love you feel, how badly they think of themsleves as they consider they are at least partially at fault and thye have let their precious child down in some terrible way! There are often more victims than we can imagine when we are in such extremis, so please get help if you are like this! (OK off my soapbox now!) Loved this fic! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I think you're absolutely right in your point -- so many people can be hurt in a situation like this, and it's definitely something they will have to work through together. It won't be easy...
I'm glad you liked the chapter so much, and I'm glad to hear that you were able to get them the help they needed.
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 09, 2010 06:11 PM · On: Hold On To Me
Fantastic! The tension . . . the sex . . . the reveal . . . all perfect! Loving it! :)
Author's Response: Oh, thanks!! I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter!!! :) :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: January 09, 2010 02:48 PM · On: In Sunlight
Your stories are amazing * hugs *
Author's Response: Thanks so much!!! You're so sweet!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 09, 2010 01:34 PM · On: In Sunlight
i wanted brian to explain but he never did. the cutting wasn't only about justin being happy it was about the deep sorrow and loneliness brian was feeling. justin has to know that. brian has to tell him.
Author's Response: Don't worry, he explains soon.... the next chapter is pretty intense in that....
Thanks as always for the review!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 09, 2010 10:51 AM · On: In Sunlight
Jesus, fuck. I'm not sure how to read this without you totally breaking my heart; I hope you mend it before this is over.
They are both hurting so badly and dealing with it in equally bad ways. Justin's denial and suppressing of his artistic desires are not much better than Brian's cutting. Even if they are less dangerous and vissible.
I'm so glad they talked, even if it wasn't very long or very thorough, hopefully that will right itself now that the can has been opened.
Hurry up and post the next chapter, please.
Author's Response: Okay, now, the next chapter is really, really intense and probably you will feel even more heartbroken. I'm taking a break from writing it now because it's... intense. But it'll end well. I promise. I'm posting the next one tonight... I feel bad for being so heart breaking!
Reviewer: BigPaw (Anonymous) · Date: January 09, 2010 09:48 AM · On: In Sunlight
This is a wonderful story, I love the emotion in Brian it just jumps right out in the words. I really like the songs you are using, they really help set the mood for each chapter. You know how to make a well crafted story that works on many levels. I've been reading these stories for many years, I used to read everything that showed up, now I'm much for oh shall we say fussy...I will keep my eyes open for anything my you from now on. I can't wait to see how it all works out.
Thanks for a story!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! What a wonderful compliment! I'm so happy that you like the lyrics. As for the emotion, I'm glad it's coming through. Thanks so much for your kind words!!
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 09, 2010 06:19 AM · On: Hold On To Me
Hot reunion sex I enjoyed it! *blush*
I'm so glad Justin saw the scars and of course he is angry. Now they will have to talk and put their feelings on the table.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the reunion scene! They sure do have a lot of talking to do after 6 months of silence (silly boys!). Thanks so much for reviewing!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2010 02:53 PM · On: Hold On To Me
no words ... just beautiful
Author's Response: Thanks so much!!!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2010 10:36 AM · On: Hold On To Me
From the top:
The sex was hot, but also very tender, perfect!
I'm glad Justin saw the scars, he deserves to know what's been going on. Now Brian just has to know what's been going on with Justin; that way they can fix it together.
I hope Brian tells him where the freaking razor blade is so he can throw it to hell!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Writing the scar-finding scene was interesting, I'm glad it turned out because balancing that "reunion tenderness" with that reveal was rough. :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2010 09:31 AM · On: Hold On To Me
why does brian seem to think that justin wouldn't mind? justin's pissed and i don't blame him. now it's time to get down to the nitty gritty and talk. really talk. is justin home for good or just visiting?
Author's Response: Yeah, they have a lot of things to talk through, don't they!? I guess that's what 6 months of not talking will get them! I think Brian has gotten to the point as sort of seeing it as "normal" and also wants to minimize his own dysfunctional way of dealing with his pain. (Don't worry, Justin won't go back.)
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2010 09:09 AM · On: Hold On To Me
This song is one of my all time favorites and I have often thought about B&J when I hear it! :)
I think you have killed me! The first part turned me into a puddle of happy goo; the last was simultaneously thrilling (because I love it when Justin gets all furious/protective re: Brian) and painful because I know they'll have to deal with this before the *real* complete reunion takes place.
Author's Response: Oh no! I don't want to kill you! I need nice, thoughtful reviewers! *grins*
I am very happy with your reaction to the chapter though; cruel or not, that's exactly the reaction I was aiming for! Thanks!!
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 08, 2010 04:06 AM · On: Your Voice on My Phone
I am so proud of Brian for admitting to Justin on the phone that he is missing him.
And soon they are finally in the same city and hopefully in each others arms.
The song fits the chapter.
Author's Response: That's true -- he did finally say some words that Justin needs to know. I've been so delighted that the song choices have worked!! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 07, 2010 12:01 PM · On: Your Voice on My Phone
i want to hug them so badly. ted and ben too. i can't wait for the the reunion.
Author's Response: Yeah, poor Ben had no idea what he was getting into, and confronting Brian about something like this is not an enviable position. :)
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 07, 2010 09:00 AM · On: Your Voice on My Phone
I can see where you might have been concerned about the parallel calls - they are both quite stubborn, neither really wanted to admit that they were wrong. But without that we would have missed this line which I think summarized quite clearly what B&J have gone through over the years in their relationship:
Why couldn’t it be that we were both in the same place at the same time for a while? Maybe not even forever but -- couldn’t we just want the same things for a little while?
They HAVEN'T been at the same place at the same time -at least emotionally- until this point, until they had both gone beyond their prideful stubborness and admited that they actually *want* to be with each other. Well, admitted to themselves (and Ben & Ted) at this point. But it's a start! :)
Author's Response: It's so true -- they so rarely seem to be together in that way, where they are feeling or wanting the same thing (unless it's during sex, but I digress!). Hopefully they'll end up together that way more as time goes on! Thanks so much for reviewing!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 07, 2010 07:24 AM · On: Your Voice on My Phone
Thank god they talked. I'm so glad Justin is going home, now we just have to convince him to stay there ;)
I hope he doesn't find anything to remove the scars with; I want Justin to see them and to see that things have been misserable for Brian without him there.
I'm looking forward to the reunion!
Author's Response: I probably should have followed up with the scar removal issue -- though the main idea was that he didn't want Justin to know what he'd done. And as you say, it's so important for Justin to see how miserable he's been!
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 09:47 PM · On: Interventions
Your muse is steering you right - if it feels right it usually is!! this is fantastic! So what will happen when Justin gets there> Will Brian try to deflect with his usual wall?
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the encouragement! I am feeling a lot better about the story with everyone's kind words! You'll have to see what happens, and right now I'm re-reading the final chapters with regard to your last question. I hope you'll like the next chapters as well!
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 09:44 PM · On: Problems
Great song again! So very sad! he has to cut himself to give himself permission to cry and Justin is miserable too! sniff, sniff, bloody allergies! :(
Author's Response: *hands over....allergy medication....!!! LOL!* I can't tell you how happy I am to see that the songs are working well with the story. I actually found the songs, then wrote the chapters so I'm glad this worked. :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 09:40 PM · On: Coping
RAZOR BLADE EEEEEEEK!!!! That was a bolt from the blue but you set it up perfectly! Hopefully though you will also perfect DO SOMETHING!! Yes that is me yellin clear from Australia! Damn this is too good not to read . . . but . . . RAZOR BLADE!!???? sniff sniff, drags feet to go read more but ready to hide eyes if it gets worse!! :(
Author's Response: *smiles shyly* Yeah...sorry to throw that in there with no warning!
Awww, sorry about that. Don't worry, this one isn't graphic. *thinks: should I write a more graphic story? *rubs hands together* *
It doesn't ever get as graphic as Why Not With Me, and even that's not very graphic...not really, anyway.
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 09:36 PM · On: Denial
Liked this ep too! Poor Brian he just seems to be trying to fill in his very empty life! At least Justin is taking advantage and exploring and learning! Off to read more! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I definitely think both of them are trying to keep moving, keep busy and then maybe not be as miserable, but that can only last so long.
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 09:23 PM · On: The First Minutes
Totally believable and the lyrics fit perfectly with the feel of the piece! You make Brian's anger/sorrow and Justin's desperation/sorrow almost palpable! Can't wait to read more! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! I am really excited that you like the story so much. You are way too kind!
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 09:07 PM · On: The First Minutes
Just had to pop in to say everytime I see this title I leave my computer humming the song :)
Author's Response: **laughs** That's really funny! I actually think I know the titles of the next several stories I'll post (I've been thinking about this listening to music on the train on my way home from work), and all of them may be song titles. So yeah, I don't mean to be cruel but -- get used to it! ;) ! Seriously though, I really appreciate your support of my stories!
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 06, 2010 08:55 PM · On: Interventions
Thank God for Ben and Ted, they finally knock some sense in Brians and Justins stupid and stubborn heads.
They are both so scared because they think they will disappoint the other, but love and good friends will find a way.
Your choice of songs is great, Commercial for Levi, by Placebo is another favorit song of mine.
Author's Response: That's exactly it -- they both feel basically the same way (though I sort of see Brian as more desperate because he handles emotion worse, etc.).
I'm really, really excited that you like the song choices!! I hope you'll like the next ones as well. :)
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 06, 2010 08:20 PM · On: Problems
I'm still sad but keep on hoping they will find a way to come together again without feeling guilty,or as a loser or as a lesbian.
Author's Response: *smiles* Don't worry, they'll end up together, and they'll work through the guilt. Thanks so much for the reviews. :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 08:07 PM · On: Interventions
Whew, deep breath.
This was so hard to read, I feel so bad for them at the same time as I want to smack them upside their heads. They really are fucking stupid aren't they?
I hope Justin's visit home will be more permanent than he had anticipated. I hope they realize that neither of them are happy with the way things are at the moment.
Author's Response: Yep, they're pretty stupid alright! I wanted to reach through the keyboard and smack them, too. You'll soon have all your questions answered. Thanks so much for reviewing, as always!!!!!!!!!!!
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 07:48 PM · On: Interventions
I love Ben and Ted; I think they would be the perfect people to talk some sense into our boys- both because they've experienced issues themselves and would notice the warning signs and because they're the most level-headed of the group and therefore more likely to be listened to/believed.
I reallyed enjoyed the chapter just the way it is, but I'm curious what your alternate thoughts were (if you don't mind, that is)?
Hope you're having a great week- how are your clesses/students doing after the Christmas break?
Author's Response: I loved writing Ted's line, "it's me you're talking to, not Michael. I know what a problem looks like." They were the clear favorites to approach B/J.
My alternative thoughts were about this chapter and chapter 6 (just posted). Basically I felt like I was being cheesy and a wimp by doing the "parallel calls" thing rather than deciding which one of them would cave and call first.
I'm also rethinking a later part of the story because I think I have Brian being unrealistically verbal and emotionally articulate to be IC (or consistent with the story). So we'll see how it turns out.
Thanks so much; the week has not gone well, but I think I expected it to be worse, so... that's pretty pathetic, isn't it? Oh well!
Thanks for the reviews! I'm so happy that you like this story, too!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 03:54 PM · On: Interventions
* sniffs *
Glad Ted and Ben are there for them.
Author's Response: *Gives kleenex*. They are. And soon they'll be together! :) thanks so much!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 12:07 PM · On: Interventions
the entire chapter makes me want to cry,
i'm glad it was ted who went to talk to brian. he knows how to handle him.
justin always liked ben so it only made sense that he would listen.
Author's Response: Ben and Ted definitely seemed like the best people to send. I hope you'll be cheered soon! Thanks so much for a review!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 08:45 AM · On: Problems
OK, at least now they realize that they miss the other one; that things are decidedly not fine. I'm looking froward to the intervention, would just have wished it had happened sooner.
Great chapter, looking forward to the next.
Author's Response: Yep -- there really is no way they can maintain the denial. It just hurts too much... It seemed cruel to keep Interventions much longer, so I just posted it. I hope you enjoy it!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 08:13 AM · On: Problems
get them on the phone together. get michael over to the loft to check for himself and catch brian. do something, anything to get them back where they belong. please.
Author's Response: Okay, okay! I just posted chapter 5, "Interventions" because it seemed cruel to keep all my wonderful, caring reviewers waiting like this! :)
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 06, 2010 04:24 AM · On: Coping
Why are both so stubborn and fight their feelings for each other where they should nevertheless be together.
Someone should strike both heads against each other, to knock sense into them.
*sigh* I so love this song by Blue October!
Author's Response: *grins* Well, in Chapter 5 they don't actually hit them on the head, but some sense is knocked into them, fortunately. I think each of them feels like they shouldn't be feeling as bad as they do; like the "it's only time" theory was supposed to make them not miserable somehow.
I'm thrilled that you like the song. I do to, and it seemed so right for the chapter. This story has been amazingly song-driven. :) Thanks for your thoughts!
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 06, 2010 04:04 AM · On: Denial
I'm still very sad because of both the boys. They need each other and should'nt deny it.
Author's Response: Don't worry, they'll learn...albeit obviously the hard way. I think they both sort of thought this would be manageable, temporary, like something they've done before, and they are learning that it's not...
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I love reader feedback! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 10:57 PM · On: Coping
The lump in my throat just grew. I really wish one of them would get the fuck over themselves and call. They are bot misserable and desperately trying to deny it.
See, I knew that Brian would start hurting himself, that damn glass cut in the first chapter was too much of a temptation for him.
Get them talking. please, this is killing me.
Oh, just to let you know. I sent off the next chapter of 'Moon and Master' to my beta last night :)
Author's Response: *smiles excitedly thinking about Moon and Master!*
I just posted chapter 4, and don't worry the one after that is called "Interventions," so there will be some improvement. And the pace of the story soon changes (which I don't know if I handle well, but I guess we'll see).
Thanks so much again for your thoughts! Sorry for the torture!
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 09:04 PM · On: Coping
I think the pacing of this story is working quite well, actually. A series of vignettes looking into how they handle the different stages of their lives apart (and hopefully together!) - like the difference between a video and a scrapbook. They both can tell the same story, just in a different way. :)
And I don't know if I've commented on this before, but I love how you begin each section with song lyrics. It really helps to set the mood for the chapter, for me anyway. :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much! This story has me so doubtful because it's so different from Why Not With Me. It's so much more single-issue focused and with the short chapters and then the time skipping... It's all very weird new territory for me. I'm glad you like it. Great analogy to a scrapbook! It does slow down very soon and rest assured they do end up together.
I'm so happy that you mentioned the lyrics. I feel like my stories (or chapters) are all getting increasingly lyrics-driven, or lyrics-focused, this story more than any. I am delighted that the lyrics are working for you. I have a playlist on my iPod of all the songs for this fic and when I reread before posting I listen to it to "reset" my mood to the story.
Thanks so much as always for your lovely comments!
Reviewer: linda (Anonymous) · Date: January 05, 2010 07:13 PM · On: Coping
i love stories that take a while to germinate.
Author's Response: I'm glad to hear that, because posting short chapters and a different style of story is making me nervous / doubtful of the whole story. So I'm very happy to hear that!! Thanks so much for reading and for the encouragement. :)
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 06:31 PM · On: Coping
Oh dear time is starting to take its toll, Justin is using Brian's pain mangement strategy of fucking nameless tricks just so he can feel. Brian oh dear cutting himself to feel another sort of pain. :)Chris
Author's Response: Hi!
Yep... as time goes by and things haven't changed, I think it really hits them both more and more, that if they want things to be different they will have to do or say so at some point. .
So glad you're enjoying the story!
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 05:34 PM · On: The First Minutes
Wow intense start Justin wallowing in sadness that is numbing and Brian hurting in anger and pain. Interesting two different forms of grief :)chris
Author's Response: Yeah, it was sort of funny how it worked out; later in the story they have different points of doing the same things at different times, or saying similar things... I hope I manage to keep everyone in character! :) Thanks so much for reviewing!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 05:27 PM · On: The First Minutes
wowww wonderful beginning and so believable
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Glad you're enjoying this story as well!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 12:10 PM · On: Coping
he's taken to cutting to dull the pain. justin's taken to screwing just to relive his happiness. this is going to get sad.
Author's Response: Don't worry; I try not to wallow in it too much (unlike some other story I write, where I wallow around forever! ;) ).
Thanks for your thoughts!! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 08:26 AM · On: Denial
they're seperating. losing each other. very sad even if they're somewhat happy.
Author's Response: They're happy as long as their delusional...that can't last too long though. :) Thanks so much for the review. :)
Reviewer: linda (Anonymous) · Date: January 05, 2010 08:26 AM · On: Denial
interesting waiting for more
Author's Response: Thanks so much for sticking with the story! :)
Reviewer: HalfTime1030 (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 08:26 AM · On: Denial
Ah, yes - the lovely state of Denial, I hear it's lovely this time of year :)
Hopefully our boys won't move there permenantly though :)
Author's Response: Yeah, they stay a while until the constance of their misery is too strong to be denied. Glad you're enjoying the story!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2010 07:30 AM · On: Denial
You just broke my heart, hurry up and mend it, please.
This was absloutely heart wrenching. I so hope they get back to each other soon, they need each other, even if they are in denial at the moment.
I found two errors, first, it's Liberty AVENUE, not Boulevard :) and then this:
No on o
*ne coming at you with baseball bats.
Other than that it's wonderful, except the whole broken heart thing ;)
Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry! To break the heart of one of my most loyal and thoughtful reviewers! Oh no! And before the next chapter of Moon and Master! *considers how soon she could post Ch. 3... then realizes that Ch. 3 probably won't be a mending one!*
Seriously though, I'm glad I can capture emotion in so few words; definitely unfamiliar territory for me!
Thanks -- I think I fixed it on an earlier version on the computer, and didn't save, because those errors sound suspiciously familiar to me!
Reviewer: Meggi (Anonymous) · Date: January 05, 2010 04:09 AM · On: The First Minutes
I'm angry too,because of Justins leaving Brian again.
Justin is a stupid little twat and I so hope,he is coming to his fucking senses and goes back to Brian.
Brian is dealing with a new kind of pain managment and now I'm sad. *sigh*
Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Yeah... Brian's feelings are so understandable. I hope you'll let me know what you think of the following chapters as well. :)
Reviewer: linda (Anonymous) · Date: January 04, 2010 06:52 PM · On: The First Minutes
waiting for more
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I hope you'll like the next chapters as well. Thank you so much for writing in!
Reviewer: Carlina (Anonymous) · Date: January 04, 2010 12:07 PM · On: The First Minutes
I love this so far, very intense. Hope more comes soon. Great work.
Hugs,
Carina
Author's Response: Thank you so much! The first chapter is intense, the next ones are a little different in modd, but the intensity returns! I hope you'll let me know what you think of the next chapters. Thanks so much for the kind words!
Hugs back!
Tiffany
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: January 04, 2010 09:04 AM · On: The First Minutes
i love brian's reaction to justin's leaving. so honest. of course justin's leaving angered him. he thought his life was finally settled.
justin lying to himself just to get through the leaving, so painful.
i want more, but honestly i can't wait for saturday.
Author's Response: Writing Brian's reaction that way seemed very natural and I'm glad to see that people seem to like it. Yeah, Justin deals in a different way, but they're both pretty hurt.
*smiles* I'm sorry to make you wait for WNWM! Depending on how things go, I might have it done before Saturday. But Saturday for sure. :) Thanks so much for the comments; I hope you like the next chapter as well.
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: January 04, 2010 07:56 AM · On: The First Minutes
This was so very sad, but also very believable. i can totally see Justin trying so hard to not tell the driver to turn back and convincing himself that this is not a permanent thing.
Brian is hurting, and he doesn't have healthy ways to cope with hurt like that, I'm afraid he's going to spiral down into some heavy abuse, or maybe even hurt himself more.
Wonderful start.
Love the song by the way.
Author's Response: Thanks so much; I'm not too sure about this story. I like it, I guess, but when I re-read it it's hard to tell if it comes through the way I saw it. Maybe I'm just not used to sipping time in stories, or to writing short chapters. :) I'm glad you like the song and thanks for the encouragement! :)
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