Reviewer: Bridget (Anonymous) · Date: August 14, 2009 01:35 PM · On: Needs and Wants
I am so glad you update often. I am really enjoying your story.
Author's Response: Oooh, new reviewer!! :) Thanks so much! I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far. I hope I can keep up with an update a day; that's certainly my plan.
Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment; I really appreciate hearing from readers! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 14, 2009 01:28 PM · On: Needs and Wants
*deep sigh and wiping the tears from my eyes*
That was almost painful. I could feel Brian's pain in this, but I'm so very glad it was all brought out into the light.
I think Justin likes Dr. Stevenson, I think he's greatfull to him because he made Brian realize that having emotional needs doesn't make you weak, it makes you human.
Now it's the weekend, maybe they can go to New York and get Justin's things home.
God, I love this story.
Author's Response: Thank god for you and your quick reviews!!!! I mean, all your reviews are honestly wonderful, but these are the best. They ease my worries in addition to being insightful and excellent feedback.
I also love your suggestion about both of them going to NYC. I hadn't thought about that. I think I'll use that idea (and credit you on the chapter notes)!
I needed the suggetsion because after scenes like that last one, it's a little hard to figure out exactly what comes next. It's just such a "high" moment...leaves you with no where to go. Maybe I'll skip to Saturday morning...huh. Saturday in NYC. Sunday in the Pitts with Gus. I like that. Thank you so much for the idea!!
Thanks again -- I'm so happy that you're enjoying the story!!!!!!!!!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 14, 2009 10:39 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
i was hoping that he would tell justin exactly what dr. stevenson said. i didn't think he would chicken out. it was important for justin to know why brian went back to his pain management technique. justin should be forewarned before going in for a joint session. other than that it was a good chapter.
Author's Response: I thought about that, but I felt like Brian might be worried that it would reveal too much - - that Justin might take it seriously on some level. I think Brian wants more than anything to believe that the doc is just crazy, but deep inside, I think he is concerned. And thinks that saying out loud might make it more true.
I do see your point though; it would be nice for Justin to be clued in. Don't worry though; Justin finds out soon, from the doc himself. :)
Thanks very much for your thoughts! I hope you'll like the next chapter better. :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 14, 2009 09:05 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
Yea. That switch from the restaurant to the loft threw me off a little. But no biggie. It makes more sense that the conversation happens in the loft.
I think we have seen Brian throwing Justin off Mt. Kinney way too many times. So, I actually like the change here. I mean we all know that Brian didn't really want Justin to go. At some point he has to accept that and realiizes Justin really wants to be with him. The chapter isnt too natural. I mean true that Brian's tears threw me off a little since it is OOC. But I would have to believe that anyone in therapy would act like this, as if their hearts and minds are being opened up and they felt like they lost control.
Author's Response: Yeah, the way I originally was going to write it -- before the suggestions everyone had based on the last chapter -- the restaurant would have been best. I'll go back sometime and switch how it orginally was written to fix it.
I appreciate your thoughts on Brian's character at this point. It is a tough decision for me to make as a writer. I guess what it comes back to for me is what you said -- Brian is in therapy now and is going through a lot. Also, I think he's starting to realize that he's changed. That he needs Justin more than he needs the safety of being alone and asking nothing of anyone. He gets a little teary in the next chapter, too. Not too much, I hope, and with good cause -- it's an intense chapter.
Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: August 14, 2009 09:00 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
WTH?! You update so fast I actually missed when you updated for these past two chapters, which makes me think I need to focuse more, haha. I truly enjoyed this chapter mostly because Justin was pretty raw. He has no problem speaking his mind and I definetley enjoy this factor. How do you write so damn fast?? Either way...I am so excited and I want the next '12 hours or so...' to go by really rally fast because reading your fic is better than having a book in my hand! :)
Author's Response: *laughing just a little* I didn't mean to cause any problems! I just thought people would be mad if I posted the short chapter 16 after the cliffhanger. So I decided to post it early, rather than wake up to angry/frustrated reviews.
I'm glad you liked that side of Justin. I think there'll be plenty of that in upcoming chapters...particularly as Brian starts to explore his substance use / abuse. I think those chapters are going to be difficult for them both.
Thanks so much for your compliment.... *blushes*. It's sort of funny. I almost never read fiction; only nonficton -- but I still know what you mean, even without plot. :)
If this helps any... I'll post the next chapter at about 2AM Eastern Standard Time (US). :)
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!!! :)
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 14, 2009 08:50 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
Oh this should be interesting! That group session is going to be intense I imagine. Just one little critique, Justin kept asking Brian towards the end of this chapter, 'what happened in therapy today'. The therapy was the day before if I read it correctly. Brian came home drunk, Justin didn't want to talk to him in that condition. They smoked pot, went to bed, woke up and Brian went to work. When he came home, Justin was there and that's when Justin pushed him about therapy.
Author's Response: It is a really interesting group session... some angst, big breakthrough, a little sap. :)
You're absolutely right -- I'll go back and fix that. The way I originally wrote it, it was the same day. Then I changed the time frame and didn't change the part you mentioned. Thanks so much for pointing that out!
Reviewer: Sake (Anonymous) · Date: August 14, 2009 07:47 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
I think you are doing great. Looked forward all the way home from work today hoping you would have a new chapter up!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really hope that the next chapter will usher in a good weekend for you. :)
Reviewer: Debbie (Anonymous) · Date: August 14, 2009 06:11 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
I think you are a gifted writer.
Please keep up with the story.
Debbie
Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you so much!! That's so sweet to say. :)
I LOVE having new reviewers, so thank you so much! I hope you'll love the next chapters.
Reviewer: Annjeela (Signed) · Date: August 14, 2009 05:23 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
This is really reading in character and plausible to me. I am really enjoying this story, so please keep it up.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! That's always my biggest aim. I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the chapters even more. :)
Reviewer: scrub13 (Signed) · Date: August 14, 2009 05:18 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
First of all, thanks for the compliment. I love this story and am glad that my critique is useful. Now for this chapter, just great!!!! A great blend of Brian's old habits of drinking, drugs, and pushing Justin off that infamous cliff.
But the new Brian just doesn't have it in him any more to push all that hard. He wants Justin there, Hell he needs Justin there too much to really push him with much vigor. Brian could have easily brought back a trick to the loft or physically thrown Justin out(he's done it before). But Brian is counting on the "stalker" in Justin sticking it out and forcing Brian to talk and work towards them being stronger.
Talk about manipulations, Justin got Brian to agree to a joint therapy session. Something tells me protective Justin could be a surprise to the Doc.
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 14, 2009 04:57 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
I am happy that Justin talked Brian into going to Dr. Stevenson's together... hopefully they will get something resolved... because right now Brian is an emotional wreck.....
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 14, 2009 03:00 AM · On: I Don't Wanna Face It
Shit, Brian in full pain management mode. At least he didn't go out tricking and come home in the middle of the night, freaking Justin even more out.
I'm glad Justin talked him into going back for one more session, at least that way they can get some things resolved, and hopefully Brian will agree to go back again.
Author's Response: Yeah...I kind of like your idea though. That would have been a great idea!! **wishing I would have thought of that**.
I couldn't decide how far Brian would go for this. On the one hand, of course he'd freak. But then, would he want to admit that he couldn't handle therapy?
Still...I love your idea. Maybe I should have tried that. Huh...
Thanks so much for your thoughts! The next chapter's pretty intense; up soon. :)
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 13, 2009 11:05 PM · On: You Told Him That?
Wow!!! Powerful chapter! I never considered that Brian might be having this breakdown as a subconscoius cry for Justin, (the only love he's ever known) to come back to him. Again.. Wow! I hope he doesn't freak out on Justin for this and tell him to go back to NY because now he's suspicious that in some off beat way he may have manipulated Justin into comeing home.
Great chapter. If Brian does confront Justin, it might give Justin an opportunity to set some things straight with Brian.
Now I'm really on the edge of my seat waiting for the next update! You've got some powerful insight going on here!
Author's Response: *smiles* Well, I posted one early, so I hope you'll enjoy it!
Thank you so much for your response; it's so encouraging! I hope the next chapter won't be a let-down for people!
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 13, 2009 10:51 PM · On: You Told Him That?
*speechless*
That was one powerful session. I could feel the fear underneath Brian's anger and his realization of what the Doc was pointing out to him. Frankly, I am scared too.
Author's Response: Thanks; I'm so glad to hear that I captured that feeling of Brian's during this session. I hope you'll let me know what you think of the immediate resolution (ch. 16).
I appreciate the review very much! :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 13, 2009 08:42 PM · On: You Told Him That?
Wow... I hope Dr. Stevenson didn't accidentally hit Brian's "PUSH JUSTIN BACK TO NY FOR HIS OWN GOOD"... Button... Brian needs Justin the most at this point ... but... he will never let him give up his career or anything else for him... because Brian doesn't think he... "deserves good things"... in his life...
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review....You're exactly right in your thoughts...I'm glad for these reactions!
I hope you'll enjoy the short post I just left resolving my cliffhanger. :)
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: August 13, 2009 08:12 PM · On: Gift Exchange
Is Justin becoming "too perfect" to be believable?
No! you are trying to demonstrate what true love is and especially in Brian and Justin. Brian is essentially a loner because of his massive trust issues, and Justin loves Brian so completely that Brian's pain is his pain.
Reviewer: carlou (Anonymous) · Date: August 13, 2009 07:54 PM · On: You Told Him That?
You are such a tease but your worth it.I feel when I read your story that I'm right there with them living it,the atmosphere that you create is fantastic.I hope their are many more chapters to come.
Author's Response: **Grins**. Thanks.... I just posted another quick, short intermediate chapter...maybe I'm not a very good tease if I can't prolong the waiting! :)
Thanks so much for the compliments! It seems to me like there'll be...at least 7 more chapters, I guess. :)
Thanks for reviewing!! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: August 13, 2009 05:03 PM · On: You Told Him That?
This is probably one of my favourite chapters so far (so don’t be anxious!!!). After two horrible days at work, it’s so nice to come home knowing that a lovely new chapter will posted.
Brian’s avoidance strategies and internal disagreements with Dr Stevenson are a very accurate reflection of how therapy can be. You can gear yourself up for a session, know you need to be there and yet hate how it progresses and the interpretations you’re given. In the short term it doesn’t always feel cathartic or helpful…at all.
As to the issue of manipulation…ok, confession time. I’m not a Justin fan in any way, shape or form. My personal feeling has always been that of the two Justin can actually be worse than Brian (although less conscious of the fact he’s doing it)…so while I’m not hating your version of Justin by any means (which is actually quite an achievement), not sure my thoughts on the final conversation between Brian & Dr Stevenson will be too helpful.
Wow, sorry this is so long!
Author's Response: :) First of all, I'm sorry work's going so poorly. I know the feeling well. I'm glad the story can give you something to look forward to in the middle of al that.
I have my issues with Justin at times, too. Not as vehemently as some do...I think maybe I forgive a lot due to his youth and the fact that he had to have some flaws. However, I definitely know what you mean on that score, though.
I'm happy to hear that you don't hate my Justin. I thought I'd just try to build up his best character traits and assume that he'd grown, too, as Brian did (though for some reason I get so angry with end-of-S5 Justin. But whatever. Growth is good.).
I just posted a sort of short "intermediate" chapter. Not sure how I feel about it, but it seemed natural writing it. The one after that, Chapter 17, goes into the manipulation issue a little. I'm looking forward to your thoughts, hopefully on 16 and 17.
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 13, 2009 01:55 PM · On: You Told Him That?
Ok, now we are getting somewhere.
I hope Dr. Stevenson can convince Brian that he needs to give Justin all the information for him to make an informed decision.
I think it might be time for Justin to come home permanently. He's had a sold out solo show, one would think he would be able to work from Pittsburgh now.
This was a great chapter, and I'm still looking forward to Dr. Stevenson and Justin meeting each other. I think the good doctor might be surprised at Justin :D
Author's Response: That's something I've been thinking about a lot -- the Dr. Stevenson / Justin dynamic. I think they'll get along well; I suspect Dr. Stevenson might want to make Justin a close ally.
They'll meet each other I think the chapter after next. :)
Thanks so much for your thoughts....it may be time for Justin to move back. I never did quite understand why he physically had to live in NYC anyhow, but that's just me.
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 13, 2009 01:09 PM · On: You Told Him That?
the ending of the chapter was amazing. doc pushed him right out the door.
as much as the doctor thought he was close to a breakthrough and kind of gotten it he also came upon on of brian's walls. better get justin there to help break it.
Author's Response: I think you're right -- the doc knew he was nearing something because Brian wouldn't answer. But I don't think he ever saw that one coming...
I'm working on that chapter now.....Thanks so very much for the fast review!!! :) Feeling much better about having posted the chapter!! :)
Reviewer: scrub13 (Signed) · Date: August 13, 2009 01:08 PM · On: You Told Him That?
Another emotion rollercoaster of a chapter. And a doozie of a cliffhanger.
The part about Brian's childhhod of loneliness was heartbreaking, but expected. The hardest part was how normal Brian seemed to think it was. It was as if Brian went into his room at 4 and came out when he was 14 and met his coach and Mikey. One could argue that Brian uses sex and tricking as a way to get the physical contact denied him by his family and that he didn't know how to ask for.
I knew the session was gonna get messy when the Doc said
But at least now you got him to come back,” I say softly.
A large part of me feels that the Doc pushed too hard on pretty shaky ground by challenging the one adult relationship Brian felt positive about. Instead of encouraging Brian to be thankful for a friend and confidant, the Doc seems to have implied that Brian created these troubles to get Justin back in the Pitts.
Brian went into instant defensive mode. The old Brian would head straight for the Baths, booze, drugs, and other assorted methods of pain management. Then he'd throw Justin off the very peak of Mt Kinney. Just to prove he doesn't need to have Justin give up anything for Brian.
Can't wait to see how the new Brian copes and how this hard push by the Doc affects Brian and Justin's relationship.
Author's Response: Oh my...you just gave me a great idea......Really you are full of great ideas... **fighting urge to go add to beginning of next chapter!!!!! No, no...stay and finish this comment...* I totally didn't realize that I had the opportunity to go into coping techniques that way. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! You just solved a problem I was having for a later chapter in how to get farther into the drugs/alcohol topic. Thank you so, so much!!
Posting this was really difficult because I know **exactly** where this leads, but the road from here to there, so to speak, is not a straight one...
Thank you so very much for your thoughts.......Anticipate a thanks in the notes for the next chapter, too. :)
Reviewer: Tiffany (Anonymous) · Date: August 13, 2009 09:25 AM · On: Gift Exchange
I've just caught up on this story and it is amazzzzzing!!!!! Justin is perfect and I want to give Brian a big hug. Can't wait for more.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm so happy that you're enjoying the story!
Reviewer: scrub13 (Signed) · Date: August 13, 2009 08:08 AM · On: Gift Exchange
Another great chapter. And they do keep getting better. I don't think this story is really all that OOC for Brian. It's in line with where Brian was after the bombing. The floods gates another poster mentioned began to open then and I think this is just a continuation of that night. Brian has unconditional love for the very first time and that's tough to accept.
His dad was probably abused as well and incapable of forming loving relationships(where Brian could have ended up had Gus and Justin not come into his life). His mom would have SAID she loved him if he'd been straight and been a dutiful Christian. But Justin loves Brian no matter what. And so does Gus Accepting those facts will be a big part in Brian's "process to recovery".
Once again my thoughts went off on a tangent while reading this. The lack of the "family" in the story seemed to highlight just how unhealthy and messed up Brian's foster family was in his life. Even with Debbie who proclaimed she "loved him like a son", he was regularly called "the asshole" and whenever anything went wrong Brian was usually guilty til proven innocent. Certainly Debbie didn't abuse Brian, but it'd be a stretch to say he had unconditional love from her or his friends.
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! You know, I've thought the same thing about Debbie. I mean, I think she pretty much does love him like a son. But when it comes right down to it, she's pretty critical of him and quick to assume the worst. In upcoming chatpers, I think the issue of Brian's expectations of how he'll be treated by others is going to be addressed and this will probably come into play then.
I doubt anything could have really replaced having a real family at home...though he would have been worse off without Deb and Mikey. Hmmm...maybe I should do something with Vic. I thought about it a while back...might work......
Thanks as always for your thoughts!!
Reviewer: Sake (Anonymous) · Date: August 13, 2009 06:25 AM · On: Gift Exchange
I don't think you have gone OOC with the sentimentality. I think you have elevated the character of both Brian and Justin to a level that the fans of these two can understand and appreciate. We all have our ideas on what we would like to see happen after the cameras stopped rolling at the end of season 5. Some of the points in your plot are so good, that I'm shocked after reading that I can't believe the people who created this show didn't think of them. But, I guess they stopped telling their story before Brian and Justin got to this point huh? Sorry for the long comment.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I would have loved to see this all planned out on screen! Your comments are far too generous!
And what did I tell you about not apologizing for long comments? ;)
Thanks so much.......
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 11:05 PM · On: Gift Exchange
I was like "WOW" when you wrote:
"All I could think about was when my father rammed Brian with his car. When Brian was there on the couch, hurt. But not really that angry. Not wanting anyone to do anything."
It was amazing that you thought to bring this up in this chapter. It must be a real brain exercise for you when you watched QAF with your pyschology background. Brian certainly has one of the most complicated personality I've seen on TV.
Yes. The Brian in this story is a little OOC. It seems that Brian is more accepting Justin's involvement than I would imagine. But for Brian to really have a future with Justin in the long run, he has to overcome this at some point. So, I view this Brian as the more matured one. I mean his behavior in 513 was a bit OOC. But yet, if you think about it, it also shows that he has grown up a little. Justin is really perfect. But I can see that if you love someone that much, you would do anything for him/her. But as you said, noone is 100% perfect. I do expect to see him showing his weakness/flaw at some point.
Author's Response: You're right, the show always keeps me on my toes. In fact, I have a few little fanfics written of Brian's POV through key episodes that sort of interpret his thoughts and actions (i.e. in 122, I consider the possibility that his scarfing was a genuine suicde attempt). I may post them someday...
I think that character complexity is the main reason I like the show, and particularly a large part of why I love Brian (but there are so many, many reasons for that!!). I hardly even watch TV most of the time...
I think you have a really good point...definitely this story could never have been like "oh, mid-Season 3" or something. That would be totally out of the question. But post-bombing Brian is a little different; that experience altered his perspective on things somewhat. And you are also right -- it is even a year post-513. So it's not as OOC as it otherwise would be.
I can't tell you how much I like that analysis of it!! :)
Justin will be making a mistake...haven't totally decided what yet...
Thank you so much for reading!
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 12, 2009 10:31 PM · On: Gift Exchange
As a writer, I know exactly how you feel. The chapters I think will get the least responses, always gets the most, and the chapters I like the most, gets the least responses! We see our own work differently.
Having said that, though I totally LOVED this chapter. It created a connection between B/J that's going to be needed for the upcoming sessions, Traumatized is still my favorite chapter to date. maybe it's because it focus's on Brian and his angst. And it was the first time Brian actually 'got' it. As in it, I mean the reasons why he needs help and has issues.
This chapter was emotional. It showed Brian opening up to Justin in a loving, non 'scary' way which totally worked. Like I said, it set them up for the angst I'm sure will come!
Great job on this story as a whole! I always look forward to your updates and I totally enjoy each and every chapter.
Author's Response: Yeah, I am always just flabbergasted by that response phenomenon. I'll be thinking "this will really get to people, I'm sure" and then no one says anything. Other parts that I don't pay much mind too cause the most responses. It is very strange.
I'm anticipating / hoping for lots of responses for chapter 15 because it's my first attempt at a cliffhanger, but we'll see how that goes tomorrow I guess!! :)
It was a big chapter -- I think once Brain realized that he was giving Justin something -- that Justin was gaining, was happy, from his sharing, it made a huge difference for Brian.
Thank you so much for your encouraging feedback!!
Reviewer: Cait (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 10:05 PM · On: Gift Exchange
I am literally obsessed with this story. Obsessed. It is amazing. I am ever refreshing midnight whispers in hopes of an update. Love!!!! This chapter was awesome, but you've had me hooked from the start. Looking forward to seeing how therapy progresses :)
Author's Response: *big smile*! I know how that is; I'm that way checking on a few fics myself. I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story so much!! The next chapter is a therapy session one. I hope you'll enjoy it.
Thank you so much for reviewing; I hope you'll review again sometime!
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 08:23 PM · On: Gift Exchange
I love this chapter.... I am thrilled that Brian took the Dr's suggestion and opened up to Justin about his nightmares... in doing that he and Justin finally expressed their deepest feelings about what they wanted and needed from each other... Brian finally realized that they are in this together... for better or worse....
Author's Response: I think you have a really good point...in a way Justin was trying to say that he needed to be the one who was this close to Brian, that he needed their relationship to be a special one in that way.
Thanks so much for your thoughts! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the chapter!
Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 07:10 PM · On: Gift Exchange
I love how trusting and open they are with each other.telling Justin his innermost fears and feelings is such a big steo for Brian but I don´t think it´s too OOC. They are so good for and with each other. I´m sure brian will heel with time and with Justin by his side.
Wonderful chapter, Sunny
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I think the trust is beginning to build to a whole new level. I am so glad that it's not too OOC. It's tough to write since I do want Brian to be "making changes" so to speak, undergo growth, but he's still Brian. So I'm glad the balance is okay for now!
Thanks again for your thoughts!
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 07:05 PM · On: Gift Exchange
“I love you, Brian. I love you. When you love someone… you want to be with them no matter what. You want to help them. You want them not to feel alone…..I want to be with you. To feel with you. I want to understand better what you’ve been through and how you feel now. I want to keep you from being alone. If I could do that,” here my voice broke with emotion, “if I could do that… I would be happy.”
....I totally teared up with Brian. Excellent chapter. Once again so heartfelt and Justin is so NOT being too perfect. He's going throug this difficult process with Brian and you've shown that. Your story is flowing so very well. I'm once again, excited for the next chapter. Oh and I agree with you...this may just be my favorite just yet as well.
Author's Response: I think that is the moment, that and the "you're giving me something" line, where Brian really understands that he is fulfilling Justin by sharing these memories. I think it's when he realizes that, and realizes that it will make Justin happy, that he knows it will be worthwhile to open up.
I'm glad you liked the chapter so much. I think the reason I liked it is because of what I was just talking about -- Brian realizing that this whole process isn't a hindrance for Justin, isn't a burden for him. When Brian realizes that he's really giving Justin a gift, and clearly Justin's giving him a gift.... *sigh*
The next chapter is one at the doc's office, to be posted around my usual time. Hope you'll like it!
Reviewer: joe (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 06:37 PM · On: Gift Exchange
he, for me it is a perfect chapter, but still believable! i love the 2 of them in this one, and i love that b can count on j in a way such a special way! no one could give him what j gives him! i love your story, keep the fantastic work coming ;)
Author's Response: Thanks so much!!! Yes, another new reviewer! :)
I think you're absolutely right when you say that no one could give Brian what Justin is. No one else in his life could do this for him, and that really shows how special that relationship is.
I'm glad it's believable, too. Sometimes I think I'm getting so unrealistic and I should be be writing something for Hallmark Movie Specials or something ;).
Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope you'll like the next chapter too.
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 12, 2009 01:16 PM · On: Gift Exchange
Shit, where do I start; I'm glad Justin is finally getting through to Brian, making him believe that he really is loved, not just in the Mikey/Lindsay way, but with no strings attached-loved.
I can only imagine how heart breaking it is for Justin to hear all the things the Kinney's did to Brian, but Brian needs to share it, needs to excorcise some demons, and this is the best way to do that.
I don't think Justin is too good to be true, I think he is very human in his hate for Jack and Joan, and he knows that he has to tread carfully with Brian at this stage.
I can't wait for the next session with the good doctor.
Author's Response: That line of Justin's where he says he finally feels like someone special -- I think it was eye-opening for them both. I don't think Justin ever really let himself think about it too much, and Brian had never thought about it at all.
I think for Justin it was a sort of double-edged sword to hear about Brian's past. It hurt a lot, but it meant so much at the same time.
The next chapter is with the doc; I hope you'll like it!
Thanks so much for the comments!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 12, 2009 01:05 PM · On: Gift Exchange
once the flood gates were opened there was no stopping and no stopping meant that he could finally trust justin with all his dirty secrets and still be loved. is it any wonder he had no nightmare that night?
Author's Response: I think you're right and I think that's what Brian wasn't anticipating -- that it would be a case where, once he told one nightmare, he'd be telling them all.
I sort of wanted to end the chapter with the "no nightmares" line but couldn't get anything to flow well when I did that. I'm glad it still caught your eye. :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 09:17 AM · On: Traumatized
Ah, first therapy session.
I think those can be tricky to write, balancing the professional persona which which the patient sees against the more immediate / personal (and usually hidden) thoughts of the therapist. We get nice glimpses of Dr Stevenson.
It will be interesting to see whether Brian does actually find it easier to have Justin in a session. I can understand why he'd think that, but in reality it's sometimes much easier to disclose secrets to a complete stranger with whom you have a formalised, regulated "relationship" and than your nearest and dearest.
Thanks for writing : )
Author's Response: It was terrible to write! I almost never have difficulties when I sit down to write; usually I have a specific line or exchange or small scene in mind and everything sort of builds itself from there.
That didn't work for this chapter at all, essentially because most first sessions are "getting to know you" which would be terribly boring for me as a writer, and you as a reader, since we know what the hell's been going on with Brian. I didn't want to have to drag everyone through recaps just for Dr. Stevenson's sake.
Even once I tried to dodge that, it still was slow going and I felt it was not offering enough to readers, or enough incentive for Brian, to think that anything really novel was going to come out of the sessions. So then Dr. Stevenson had to convince Brian that his subconscious was affected and it showed in ihs tricking...
(Sorry to go on and on, I just had to share how annoyed I was with this chapter!!!)
You have an an excellent point about whether Brian will have an easier time or not... It's hard to say. You're right, sometimes it's harder with someone close to you, but then again I guess it depends if you're comfortable enough in a setting, etc... You'll find out soon enough. :) I hope you'll like how it turns out.
Thanks for the review!! :)
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 07:42 AM · On: Traumatized
Your Doc is exactly how I imagine a psychologist to be. He's really pushy, but Brian can trust in him to push at the right moments and just listen at other times. The Docs points on Brian's tricking made me stop and go 'That makes sense...hnh.' When I think of it I also notice how IC Brian is, I mean given the circumstances, every reaction he's had is definetley how I'd imagine him reacting. As well as the minor characters.
I can't wait for your next update :) Thanks for such an awesome read, it's such an adventure reading this!
Author's Response: That's wonderful to hear because it's really difficult at times to keep Brian in character, and yet have him go through so much emotional turmoil. I'm really, really glad that it's working out. And that Dr. Stevenson's analysis of Brian's tricking.
You're more than welcome -- I'm just pleased that people are enjoying the story so much!
Incidentally, it's also quite an adventure to write! :)
Reviewer: annabelle (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 06:04 AM · On: Traumatized
This story keeps getting better, thanks for updating every day
Author's Response: Thanks!!! :) The next update will be out soon. :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 05:37 AM · On: Traumatized
This story keeps getting better and better.. I love the way Dr. Stevenson picked up so quickly on Brian's reluctance to certain questions... and found a way around it... and still got the answers he was looking for... It's like watching a game of chess..
Author's Response: I really appreciate that comparison to a chess game; thank you! I hope the upcoming sessions can also be as interesting.
Thanks so much for your comments! Glad you're still enjoying the story. :)
Reviewer: Sake (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 05:09 AM · On: Traumatized
I think you did awesome. I'm so impressed with the voice you have given the doc. I think his theory of Brian's tricking is spot on. Can't wait for the nest chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'm relieved that the doctor is well received; between that and my thinking that sessions would be too boring to read about, I was worried about this chapter. I'm so happy to see that the worry was apparently needless!
The next chapter will be out soon; looking forward to your thoughts on it!
Reviewer: Sake (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 04:55 AM · On: Partners
"I loved you...even when we weren't." This line made me cry. This chapter was very beautifully written. I'm going to let that make up for the fact that is was a short one. This is so awesome!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: First of all -- you're the author of my 100th review!! I wish I could tell you that you'd won something for that! ;)
Next, you have no idea how happy I am that you brought up that line. That one made me cry too; I'm glad I'm not the only one!!!
****blushes*** Thank you!!
I don't really think I can control the length of the chapters. I tried with this one. I kept telling it, "Come on, just a few more pages... get through to the therapist's."
And the chapter wouldn't budge. As I'm typing I look at it, and it's like, "Oh, look. The chapter's done." It's as obvious as if I were reading a book that already had the next page with a new chapter title on it. It's very odd. So I'm glad you won't hold it against me! ;) The next one's extra long anyway. Couldn't control that, either!
Thanks for your really generous comments and for mentioning that line... :) :) :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 12, 2009 03:36 AM · On: Traumatized
i think dr. stevenson hit the nail on the head. i think what brian felt as a child he more than made up for in tricks. these two are well suited as dr. and patient. even better that dr. stevenson wants to include justin. three days a week will certainly get him where he wants to be. i like the fact that he needs to talk to someone and he choose justin and also to right down his dreams. that will certainly shock both justin and dr. stevenson but i think it will do brian a world of good.
exceptional chapter.
Author's Response: I'm glad you like Dr. Stevenson. I'm hoping I can develop his personality a little more. It's funny that you mention Justin's joint sessions. I've been trying to figure out which things should be discussed in front of Justin and which only Brian, which first with Brian then with both...I'm driving myself a little crazy with it.
I hope the journaling will help; I think he might keep it a secret for a while... Maybe Justin should find it... (hmmm....ideas, ideas!)
Thanks again so much for the thoughts! :)
Reviewer: scrub13 (Signed) · Date: August 12, 2009 02:46 AM · On: Traumatized
Another great chapter that keeps me wanting more!!!! I love the emotions that Brian had during his 1st therapy session and his almost insistence that Justin was a real part of his life, plus his desire to share his recover with Justin. Their bond is strong.
While I love that Brian is in therapy, the therapist and the session felt off to me. JMO, but he had alot of opinions about Brian's life with very little input from Brian or any of Brian's family. Nothing abou Gus, who seems to have some connection to Brian's nightmares and fear. Maybe it was having part of the story from the therapist's POV, I think I wanted to stay in Brian's head and see him coming to the realization of the therapists ideas and suggestions.
Previous chapters dealt with Brian feeling unworthy of being loved and his idea that he didn't need love or rather that he couldn't be loved or love others. To be honest I always thought Brian's tricking and refusal to date was more about his deep seated fear that if he did put himself out there he would get hurt and prove yet again he wasn't worthy of love. Brian is control freak in all areas of his life from his loft, his job, his choice of friends, his habit of throwing friends off Mt Kinney, and his "rules" that he broke for Justin. Tricking is a coping mechanism at worst, but not a cause of Brian's nightmares or sudden anxiety.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this story and re-read the entire thing each time you post a new chapter. It's emotional and real. But you did ask for our opinions, hope I didn't step outside my bounds.
Author's Response: No, no! That's just what I wanted!! This was just the start of what the psychologist is going to say; mostly because I think it is probably something he's seen in promiscuious clients (at least, that's sort of how I'm imagining it). Then, as he gets to know more about Brian, he'll get into things more specific to him. And I think you're right; the tricking has lots of functions. I think there will be a whole discussion of his various "rules," particularly those regarding his tricking.
I have to say I agree with you, as I said, about the reason Brian doesn't have relationships (til Justin). I guess...I guess I'm saying that maybe "no relationships" is a separate issue from "tricking" in and of itself. I think you have a really good point that I hadn't considered regarding his treatment of friends. That's an area I will be thinking about now... I think it really does boil down to control in a lot of ways, and fear.
I am definitely planning to go into his "issues with love" in more detail later; I promise.
It's my least favorite chapter, too. I hated writing the whole beginning, which never happens to me. Then it got so long, and I felt like if the psychologist didn't say something interesting, it would really be a let down for everyone (myself included). That, and it did seem like Brian needed something to prove to him that the problem was more pervasive than he was acknowledging.
Someday I may change this chapter. I tried to do that for a while but couldn't make it into anything I liked any better.
Thank you so much for your thoughts!! Yuo've given me some good ideas and things to follow up on. That's exactly what I was hoping for. Thanks so much!
I'm so pleased that you like the story so much. I hope you'll like the next chapter better; I know I do! :)
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 12, 2009 01:27 AM · On: Traumatized
Loving this doc. He sees that Brian views the world, and 'definitions' used in the world differently. Like Love, 'tramatized', etc. Very sharp for the doc to pick up on that. Another doc would have just argued that Brian was tramatized, instead this doc asked a very poignant question..."What do you think the word tramatized means?"
Brian is starting to understand that everything he is today, all his habits, were created out of a need to escape his past abuse. He 'was' the victim, now he's the 'victor'. He uses tricking as a means of control in his life, and his resistance to committement because to him, committment means being vulnerable, and in his mind, when your vulnerable, you get hurt and abused.
Excellent chapter. I can't wait to see more of these sessions, and see how Justin gets involved.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you like Dr. Stevenson and some of his techniques. I have to say, it seems that people like him more than I was really expecting. Maybe I will write more explicit therapy scenes; I'd been thinking of summarizing them because I thought I'd be boring everyone to tears.
I think you're absolutely right in what Dr. Stevenson wanted Brian to realize -- that his life has been formed by that abuse in a multitude of ways. I have several more things that Dr. Stevenson is going to be discussing with him,which will soon include those commitment issues. In fact, one scene I have in mind involves a joint session with Justin about Brian's whole "it's your call where you want to be" and letting him go to NY thing. It's a pretty emotional scene, but it won't be in the story for a while (spoilers..!) :). The issue of vulnerability is an interesting one; I'll have to think more on where this fits in sequentially in his "revelations" about himself / guided by Dr. Stevenson.
Thanks so much for the comments!
Reviewer: busysol (Anonymous) · Date: August 12, 2009 01:01 AM · On: Traumatized
I'm really enjoying this story. I work in the mental health care field, so it's nice to see an author dealing with Brian's issues in such a realistic manner. I'm a voratious reader of ALL kinds of B/J fiction and I like a good romance as much as the next guy; but in the real world, when some one is as messed up as Brian, love alone rarely saves the day- so thanks for the great story and the rapid posting!
Author's Response: Yippee, a new reviewer!! :) That's practically my favorite thing these days.
I'm glad you feel that it's realistic. That's really my biggest goal; I'm afraid of simplifying anything too much or minimizing the amount of effort that it takes, from both Brian and Justin. I hope you'll let me know if I'm ever doing / saying anything in the story that strikes you as false or insensitive because I don't ever want to do that.
Thanks so much for reviewing! I hope you'll like the upcoming chapters as much. I don't anticipate any slowing in the posting; I try to stay 1-3 chapters ahead of what I post so I can change things according to readers responses but also have some foresight, so to speak. :) :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 11, 2009 10:04 PM · On: Traumatized
Wow. I felt like I was sitting in a lecture watching Dr Stevenson demostrating how therapy should be done. I learned so much from reading this. And I love the way when he explained to Brian how his past actually affect his behavior. That tricking thing... you nailed it. I hope with the great doctor's help, Brian will finally see how his tricking affect him and his relationship with Justin. In fact, Justin is really a saint for putting up with Brian because not only he loves Brian but he actually understands Brian.
I wish I could have a Dr Stevenson to talk to :-)
Author's Response: Maybe now is the time to confess that I have some psychology training, though not enough formally to be in Dr. Stevenson's position. I'm glad that the therapy session went well; I think Dr. Stevenson wanted to make sure Brian knew that the problem was far wider than simply the flashbacks, that his past was affecting more than just his sleep.
Justin really is pretty wonderful. Sometimes I wonder if he's unrealistically wonderful in this story; I'm going to make a point of having him do something a little bit wrong / imperfect, just to avoid that. Nothing too major though. In an upcoming chapter, Justin talks more about what he's getting out of the arrangement, too, which I think is important.
I want Dr. Stevenson, too. Maybe we can timeshare him. ;)
Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Reviewer: Moonshadow Woman (Signed) · Date: August 11, 2009 08:16 PM · On: Traumatized
good chapter - I think you nailed it with Dr. Stevenson - erb
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so pleased that you like Dr. Stevenson. And even more pleased that you broke your no works-in-progress rule for me. :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 11, 2009 06:45 PM · On: Traumatized
I loved it, the whole thing. There could be a lot of merrit in the tricking theory, I've always thought that he was seeking validation in other men.
I hope you write more of these sessions, I'd love to read one where Justin is with him.
Just one little thing, when the doctor wants to summarize you shift POV without indicating that you do :) It's just a little confusing the first couple of sentences.
Author's Response: I'm happy that the tricking theory seems viable. Dr. Stevenson will definitely have a lot more to say, but that's a start. I like the idea of validation...might have to steal that... :)
I'm surprised at how much people liked reading the session; I think one reason that this whole chapter was so difficult for me to write was because I thought it would seem tedious to readers. But I guess it isn't, which is a huge relief to me.
I'm working out right now which discussions / issues will be dealt with in Brian-only and in joint therapy sessions. I'm glad you like the idea of Justin being there; I hope I can make it work well. There's a scene I'm imagining for a joint session that will be pretty intense, I think.
Thanks so much -- I'll go back and fix that in the fic. I sometimes don't type in the POV switches til the chapter is done, so I'm not surprised I missed one. Thanks for letting me know. :)
Thanks very much for your support!
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: August 11, 2009 04:21 PM · On: Traumatized
Wow what a wonderful chapter, I loved listening in on the therapy session. You have weaved a wonderful thought of Brian in this story, this summing up sentaence was fantastic.
“As a child you didn’t seem to make people happy. Now you do. As a child, you were vulnerable; now you’re the dominant one. As a child, you didn’t feel wanted; now you’re in demand.”
Looking forward to the next chapter
Author's Response: Thanks!! As another reviewer pointed out, Dr. Stevenson got there pretty fast. I'm relying pretty heavily on the idea that he knows Brian's "type" (in a superficial sense at least). I am so happy that people are enjoying the therapy sessions. I was honestly getting freaked out that they would be so boring I would lose all my readers!! What a relief that it seems that's not going to happen!
The next chapter will be up soon! Thank you very much for your thoughts on this one!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 11, 2009 09:19 AM · On: Partners
taking the first step in the right direction. justin needs to push and brian needs to allow it. all for the good of "them."
i loved this chapter.
Author's Response: I like the idea of how much they are fighting together for their existence as "them." That is such a poetic and accurate way to think of it. Thanks for the comment!! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 11, 2009 08:57 AM · On: You Better Know
having kept that bottled up all those years, no wonder he's in the state he's in. justin has to get through to him. brian needs to believe in the love justin has in him. the faith he has in them together.
Author's Response: Hi! Just noticed that I missed this review back when it was left! I'm sorry about that!
I love your phrase "faith he has in them together." That captures it so perfectly!! :)
Thanks so much and I'm sorry for the late, late reply!
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 10, 2009 10:45 PM · On: Partners
"I think we need professional solutions" Perfect. Justin knew exactly what to say to Brian. I'm so glad he agreed to get help. How sad it is that Brian truly doesn't know what love is. Oh, he feels it, but he can't describe it, or probably trust it. I cant' wait to see how the session with the psychologist goes.
Amazing chapter. So well written and poignant.
Author's Response: I definitely feel like that was a big breakthrough for Justin -- to undertand that some of Brian's actions aren't exactly what they appear on the surface. His past experiences have left gaps in his understandings of a lot of seemingly simple things -- like what love is really supposed to look like.
I'm so happy that you enjoyed the chapter! I'll be posting the next one with him at the psychologist's for the first time, soon. I look forward to your thoughts on it. :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 10, 2009 09:06 PM · On: Partners
"But Brian is Brian is Brian"... Justin knows exactly what that means... which is why he is doing whatever he possibly can to show Brian his love and devotion... which includes seeking "professional solutions" for his problem...I think this chapter is the perfect starting point to get Brian headed off in that direction...
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I am trying my best to keep Brian in character; he's not going to become suddenly this emotionally gushy person. And Justin is doing absolutely everything he can... and I hope I'm making this clear in the fic -- he's getting a lot out of it, too.
I hope you'll like the next chapter!
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: August 10, 2009 07:55 PM · On: Partners
So reading this story is an interesting experience for me. Why? Because I've been through this scenario before except my bestfriend was my "justin" so to speak. I love this story because your words are so on target with the emotional needs of each character. I'm very excited to read Brain's journey. I'm not one for WIPs but there are times when reading a fic as it comes out is much more fun..this is one of those occurences. Thank you so much for writing this because I've never read a fic that truly went into Brian's emotional issues from his childhood AND that involved Justin as well as their whole 'cwazy' family. Thank you so much. :) Btw..I love your Gus he is damn adorale.
Author's Response: This is always the very best thing I could hear -- that I'm doing this experience some justice to the real life kind. My number one concern is always that I will cheapen the emotions, the struggles and so on. Especially as I'm starting the chapters in which Brian finally lands in therapy, I worry that I will simplify it too much, or in some way misjudge/underestimate how difficult it really is for him.
That said, please, please, please let me know if you ever feel like I'm doing that at all in this fic. Seriously. Just tell me, because I never want to do that.
I am so happy to hear that you are enjoying the story. I'm touched that you're breaking your "no WIP" policy, because I really need the reviews to get through the story!! :)
You're so welcome for the story -- in fact, a huge thank you for reviewing! It means a lot to me and I hope you'll consider reviewing again sometime! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: August 10, 2009 06:57 PM · On: Partners
I didn’t think find this chapter too similar to the last – the tone was noticeably different and B / J seem to be occupying more of the same emotional space. Variations on a theme, in a good way.
If I was looking for a way to describe the relationship between this chapter and the last, I’d say the emotions / interactions in the last chapter were like surf hitting the beach and, in this chapter, like the sea once you move past the breakers – large swell which is deeper and has it’s own risks, though the surface appears less chaotic. Different manifestations of the same water. **pretty sure I sound like a pretentious idiot here, but hopefully it makes some kind of sense to you**
Author's Response: No worries!! I think that makes perfect sense. I think it a lesson that bears repeating for Brian, so he gets to really understand it. I really like your observation about them sharing emotional space more, too. That's a great concept. In a couple chapters, they're very much together for a while (a little spoiler, anyone? ;).
Thank you so much for the insightful metaphor, too! :) :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 10, 2009 05:12 PM · On: Partners
It was not too similar to the last one. I think it's great that Justin can 'breathe through it' when Brian frustrates him with his questions.
I'm so glad he convinced him to get some professional solutions, I like that he can frase it in a way that can make Brian accept it.
Author's Response: Yeah, Justin had to think of something that wouldn't seem too needy to Brian's ears. And yeah, Justin definitely is trying to learn some of his own coping techniques so he doesn't take out his anger toward Jack and Joanie at Brian... Thanks so much for the review!
Reviewer: ColorLet23 (Signed) · Date: August 10, 2009 01:17 AM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
*tear *tear Love it!!! *tear *tear
Author's Response: I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story!!
Thanks so much for reviewing!
Reviewer: Sake (Anonymous) · Date: August 09, 2009 10:19 PM · On: You Better Know
I don't mind the ansgt so much when Brian and Justin on on the same side of it. (for the most part!) Your doing a great job, I wish you had the next 10 chapters done!!!
Author's Response: I wish I had the next 10 chapters done, too!!!!! The story is mostly "done" in my head, with main "events" holding up the fort in a timeline. What still remains is putting it all on paper, when I usually end up with lots of surprises that just write themselves into the mix. :)
I don't anticipate a lot of Brian v. Justin angst in this story. Someday I might try my hand at that, but it'll be a while! :)
Thanks so much for the encouragement and thec comments!
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 09, 2009 10:06 PM · On: You Better Know
OMG.... I can't find the words to describe how I feel about Joan..... for her to do what she did to Brian ... then use her religious beliefs as an excuse for doing it !!! If Joan was alive during the Salem Witch trials ... she would have been first in line with a box of matches....
Author's Response: I know!! I'm worried I might end up writing a chapter in which Justin runs into her on the street and.... lets out some of his anger! A better case for the Pink Posse, perhaps? ;) I don't want Justin in any trouble though, so...
Thanks so much for your thoughts! :)
Reviewer: scrub13 (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 05:14 PM · On: You Better Know
God, that was intense and wonderfully written. I had to read it three times before I could let it go and write this. Brian isn't opposed to love, he just doesn't think he can have it, The lines that stood out for me was how he felt Justin said he loved Brian just cause he was expected to and that he hoped Justin wasn't mad at him. So like a child wanting love, but expecting it to be yanked away at any moment.
To be honest I've always wondered how Brian survived his early childhood, before he met Michael and Deb. Where did the young Brian turn to survive his parents? Did he retreat into a fantasy world or was there more to his relationship with Claire than we know now? He couldn't have made it to 14 if he didn't have some coping mechanism.
Author's Response: I really want to thank you for your comment about coping mechanisms. That's something I haven't really thought about explicitly, but I imagine you're right. In a certain way, this is being addressed in chapter 13, but... you have really iven me something to consider -- he probably must have done something in the early years to get by. I will definitely be giving this a lot of thought in the next few days! Thank you so much for that suggestion -- I sincerely appreciate it.
The lines you picked were ones I wasn't even sure I would include -- I couldn't tell if the meaning would be clear. But I guess it was, because that is very much the sentiment I was aiming for! (That is such a thrill for me...finding out that the story went where it was supposed to, so to speak!). These issues are looked again in the next chapter; I hope you'll enjoy it.
If that isn't the best compliment...that you reread the chapter 3 times...**blushes speechlessly**. I'm honored.
I hope you'll like the next one as much!
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: August 09, 2009 05:13 PM · On: You Better Know
Wow.
That is beautiful and angsty as hell (in addition to being a sucker for vulnerable Brian I’m also a complete angst junkie, so the two together…*sighs*…*very happy reader*…)
The following sentences from Brian’s POV just sum up everything really:
“Of course that’s what Justin would say. He pretty much has to say that’
and
“I have no idea what he’s so upset about. I hope he’s not mad at me. God, I hope he’s not mad at me”
When you stop and think about it, that’s pretty heartbreaking – to be in a place like that…
Honestly, at this point I’m a bit in awe at the speed your updates while keeping the writing so strong…great writing! More please : )
Author's Response: I'm really excited that you mention those particular sentences!!! I was thinking of deleting them; I thought they might be confusing. I knew what I meant by them, but I was worried that it wouldn't be clear to those not living in my head! Now I am so glad that I left them in!!
Thanks so much for the generous compliment about my writing. I am really lucky in that writing is very natural for me. Once I know where a chapter is going and I write the first few lines, it is typically very fast. Of course, chapter 13 that I'm writing now has been something of an exception to that. But it's coming along.
The biggest thing though is that I'm off for the summer because I'm a teacher -- so I have some time on my hands. :)
Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm so pleased that I left those lines in! :)
Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: August 09, 2009 04:25 PM · On: You Better Know
Now we know how important Love is to Brian. He needs love like the air to breathe. But not any love he needs Justin´s love. The love of a man and that´s the main problem. It´s a sin to love another man so God won´t love him. If god doesn´t love him nobody else will. So what´s the solution? Should he stop being gay so that love will love him finally? Should he pretend to be someone he isn´t? To plant such thoughts in your child´s mind has nothing to do with being christian or religious or even with God himself it´s plain diabolical. But how can he interrupt this vicious circle? I guess that´s where Justin´s desperation roots in. He knows how important it is for Brian to accept his love. But on the other hand he knows that it´s easier said than done so he starts yelling. He hopes that if says it only loud and often enough that Brian will believe him and everything will be right. But it´s not a problem of hearing. Justin´s message is heard by Brian´s ears and his heart but not by his mind.I can understand why Justin started yelling but I´m afraid it isn´t the solution. Holding him and reassuring him that he´s there to help him is a start. I guess they will nees professional help soon.
Sorry for writing so much I got carried away,Sunny
Author's Response: First of all, don't ever apologize for a long comment!!! I ***love**** comments / reviews! (That's probably obvious, considering how shamelessly I beg for them in the chapter notes.)
You really bring out some interesting aspects of Brian's/Justin's dilemma. Justin is starting to realize how Brian honestly just doesn't know anything about functioning relationships and has almost no experience with people caring about him and loving him. Justin is absolutely determined to change that. I don't know how Brian interprets the yelled speech at the end. I am sure, though, that he is starting to understand (not consciously though) that Justin is willing to fight for him.
I totally agree that the best sort of care for Brian at this point is the tender kind -- the holding and so on. Unfortunately, this is what Brian is most uncomfortable with. I think it'll get easier for Brian to accept affection soon.......
Thanks so much for your thoughts and analysis; you bring up many great considerations! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 04:09 PM · On: You Better Know
I like that Justin gets so spitting mad at Brian's parents about this. It shows Brian that he means it when hs says they were wrong.
It's good that he had some kind of break through, he needed to. I hope he accepts that he needs help and go see the psychologist.
Great chapter.
Author's Response: I think you're right about Brian's reaction to Justin's tirade. I think Brian is starting to see the depth of Justin's commitment and that he does mean it. The core of this issue comes in a couple chapters, so it's not quite resolved yet.
The break was definitely a long time coming; I think I'll have to follow up on it more than I have in upcomnig chapters.
Thanks so much as always for your perceptive comments! :)
Reviewer: Pastrychef4 (Anonymous) · Date: August 09, 2009 12:51 PM · On: You Better Know
OMG, this absolutely killed me! Talk about heart-wrenching! The layers of damage inflicted upon Brian by those jackals claiming to be his parents is staggering. How will he ever manage to overcome such trauma? Guess I will have to keep reading, huh? :D
Excellent chapters! Can't wait for the next update!
Author's Response: I know...I have it all mapped out, rest assured. You will definitely have to keep reading!! It's actually been slowing me down a little -- trying to figure out how to show his healing, which would obviously take a long time in RL, but not drag out every moment of it in a fic, because I don't want to bore you all to tears. So I'm working on it... Though I'm hoping one less-than-totally-angsty chapter might be welcome soon. :)
I also have to guard against blaming too much on Jack and Joanie and making it unrealistic in that way. That's hard to avoid though.
Thanks so much for your comments! The next chapter will be up late today (in my time zone ;).
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 12:07 PM · On: You Better Know
Oh my, so heartwrenching! And beautifully written! Justin's 'wrong' tirade was dead on perfect! Justin just needs to keep pealing away the layers of hurt from Brian with love and reason. For Brian 'is' the 'believe' painting. As a whole, beautiful, but layered with pain, so much pain....
I can't tell you how much I'm loving this story, and the quick updates. I've been so bad with updating my story lately, (life being so fucking intense lately). You're story is so inspiring, I look forward to each and every chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! Justin is definitely putting up the fight in favor of true love at this piont. I think Justin gets a lot from the experience, too; from finally getting to do something to demonstrate his love for Brian.
I am really lucky because I am a teacher and have the summer off. That's one thing that enables the quick updating at the moment -- without that I'd probably be slower. :)
I really appreciate your comments and am very glad that you're enjoying the story! :)
Reviewer: Sake (Anonymous) · Date: August 09, 2009 04:27 AM · On: About Me
This is a wonderful story. I don't think I've evern read one with this angle before. I look forward to seeing new chapters every day. My favorite on going story right now. You are doing a great job, keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! Oooh, a new reviewer! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. The idea of Brian's past has always been fascinating to me, and the further and further I get into this fic (and planning it), the more possible connections that relate to his adult behavior / life. It's an interesting jourey and I'd like to say thanks for coming along!
I appreciate the encouragement very much. Hearing from readers makes such a huge difference to me and I appreciate your taking the time.
I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter; it'll be out in a few hours. (I have to post them when I go to bed, or I sit up looking for reviews every 20 minutes! ;) ).
-Tiffany
Reviewer: scrub13 (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 03:50 AM · On: About Me
This just keeps getting better and more intense with each chapter. You have really captured the connection that made Brian and Justin so wonderful together. And we can all use a little PWP from time to time. I'm dreading the next few chapters cause I know they'll be painful, but can't wait for them at the same time. I have faith in your direction.
Author's Response: Aww, that's such a sweet thing to say. I am amazed that anyone would think the story gets better with every chapter. I'll readily agree to the "more intense" aspect, though.
After reading your comment and Sunny's, both of which describe trusting me to get us through the angst, I will admit I got a little...worried. So I went and wrote out a really general outline of the fic wihch safely gets Brian entirely out of psychological trauma. (Thank god, right!?) An odd thing happened after that -- certain quotes came to my mind. Things Brian needs to say or have told to him. Those are what's anchoring the story at this point. So I hope it's all safe now.
I appreciate your vote of confidence, and now that I have things more planned I feel like I can live up to it! :)
Thanks so much for the comments! Hang in there...the next couple are the roughest yet. (Maybe I'm trying to build suspense or something, I guess!).
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: August 09, 2009 01:00 AM · On: About Me
Another great chapter.
And while I think this is more than just porn without plot, let's face it - when it comes to qaf fic pwp is canon : )
Author's Response: **big smile** I can't argue with that! :) I hadn't thought about it that way. I'll have to consider adding some truly gratuitous sex...wouldn't want to venture too far out of canon! :) !!
Thanks for the comment!!
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 10:35 PM · On: About Me
Justin is trying to get Brian totally relaxed, and totally trusting him so that he'll open up. Oh God I hope he does! My heart aches for Brian! Great update!
Author's Response: *Smiles; sighs* Brian will...it's taking a little longer than I anticipated, but the next couple of chapters are pretty intense in what they reveal about Brian's knowledge (or lack their of) of relationships and love. I hope you'll enjoy them -- one will be posted soon!
Thanks so much for reviewing!! :)
Reviewer: Moonshadow Woman (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 09:36 PM · On: About Me
yet another wonderful chapter
Author's Response: Thanks so much! When I checked my reviews today I was really surprised at how many people have commented on it already! :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 08, 2009 09:28 PM · On: About Me
Great chapter.... this is like the calm before the storm... I could see Brian trusting and loving Justin enough to let him take complete control .... I also see myself runnning out to buy some Sweet-tarts or Smartees.. lol.. can't wait to see what happens next......
Author's Response: That's a really perceptive comment -- the calm before the storm. I have to say, this story really takes its own direction. I pretty much thought I knew what came after this chapter. I sat down and two different chapters wrote themselves! More angsty and in a different way than I'd really imagined them... I look forward to seeing what you will think of them.
re: the candy. I don't know. That wrote itself, too! And I have to go to the grocery store, too! ;)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 09:19 PM · On: About Me
as hot as it was it was also tender and sweet. brian is definitely in the right hands now.
Author's Response: :) Thank you! :) I'm glad I could make Justin's homecoming worth it; I know it's been a long wait for readers and Brian! ;)
Thanks for commenting!
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 08, 2009 09:11 PM · On: About Me
I don't think Brian was too OOC. I can imagine that at some point in the future after 513, Brian would be more open to Justin, giving Justin more ways to be his equal. Justin is so gentle in this chapter. Very loving. Well done! :-)
Author's Response: That is such a relief to hear. The chapter wrote itself and I sat there going, "Uh, but this is Brian..." but I couldn't seem to make myself change it; it felt right in some fundamental way. It's great to hear that it seems so from the readers' side of things, too.
Thanks so much!! :)
Reviewer: Annjeela (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 05:43 PM · On: About Me
Really hot scene. I like a story that knows when to switch - lighten it up a bit, because real life is like that. Things swing from serious to touching to hilarious without too much warning. Well written
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad that the emotion switch worked well in your view; as a writer that is one of the few things that I second guess in my own writing. Usually I just go with what I have, but then those switches always make me wonder if I'm being realistic, etc. etc. So I really appreciate your vote of confidence on that one, especially!
Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: August 08, 2009 05:36 PM · On: About Me
You´re right that wasn´t porn without a plot. That was making love. That was Justin taking care of the man he loves with all his heart. Justin knows exactly what brian needs to relax.But more than that Justin wanted to assure Brian that he really loves him and that he´s there to help him. It was a very emotional chapter and there was nothing ooc in it. I can imagine brian that way. Now I´m a bit worried about the angst in the next chapter but I now you´ll do the right thing. I´ll be definately there to read it in fact I hope you´ll post it soon.
Thanks for writing this story, Sunny
Author's Response: *bites lip in response to the happiness caused by your analysis of the sex scene...* That's just what I was hoping to evoke... :) :) :) :) :)
So far I'm done with the next two chapters and honestly, they have been the most emotinal to write and are very angsty.I appreciate your confidence that I'll handle them well... I hope so. I will post the next one probably late today. I'm glad you're in the story for the long haul!
Thanks so much for commenting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 04:30 PM · On: About Me
Ok, I'll just go take a cold shower.
That was great, wouldn't we all just love to be Brian in that scene? ;)
Author's Response: ;) *ponders whether she wants to be Brian or Justin in that scene...can't decide...*
I'm glad you enjoyed my foray into remembering why this is rated NC-18! :)
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 11:07 AM · On: Magic Show
I just caught up with this story and wow.... I'm torn over it. My heart goes out to Brian. I really think he needs to see that shrink. I hope he opens up to Justin. This story is so emotional. Great job.
Author's Response: Thanks!! I'm so touched that you're enjoying the story and are in tune with Brian's struggle. Sometimes I feel like the emotionality is only just starting... Thanks so much for commenting; I hope you'll enjoy the future chapters, too!
Reviewer: carlou (Anonymous) · Date: August 08, 2009 04:32 AM · On: Magic Show
This story keeps getting better and better.I just love to see the vunerable side of Brian,it's about time he lets himself be taken care of.I would love for him to finally accept the fact that he deserves to be loved and not be afraid.
Beautiful work.
Author's Response: Your thoughts are exactly like mine -- I promise Brian will get there. That's exactly, exactly the sentiment I was hoping to evoke with this chapter -- a look at the insecurities in Brian's character. You have *no* idea how happy I am right now to read your comment and know that this is what got through!!!! :) :) :) :)
I do promise he'll get there... my biggest concern is to get him there while keeping him true to his essential character. I hope I can manage this, without cheapening his growth or simplifying the process to the point of demeaning it...
Thank you so much for the sweet comment; it means so much to me!!
Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: August 08, 2009 03:12 AM · On: Magic Show
Wow, that was intense. You really understand it to write strong emotions. I could feel Justin´s need to be with Brian and his wanting to help him. And I have the urgent need to take brian inmy arms to tell him that he ca trust Justin with his feeling, that he´s worth it and everything will get better in time. That´s a wonderful story and I´m waiting for the next chapter.
Hugs, Sunny
Author's Response: Awww!! Thank you!! This is such a gratifying comment because this is exactly what I was aiming for as a writer! I have the same feeling toward Brian; I channeled it through Justin in the next chapter. I'll have it posted really soon, I promise. ;)
I can't tell you how much I appreciate the comments -- knowing this was your response helps me feel like I really am on track with the story. Thank you!!
Tiffany
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 07, 2009 11:10 PM · On: Magic Show
I am so glad that Ben was concerned enough to call Justin.... and now comes the hard part .... Brian has to be able to finally tell Justin about his past... and Justin has to make sure that Brian comes out of it in one piece..
Author's Response: Oooh, you just gave me a great idea!! Rather, a great quote to use later in the story from one of my favorite books. I never would have thought about it until I read your comment about Justin making sure that Brian comes out of it in one piece... it's so true. That's the other side of what Justin wants -- and what they both want -- the closeness of knowing, but then the responsibility of having that trust...
Thanks so much, especially for the quote idea! I'll be using it in an upcoming chapter. :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 07, 2009 10:01 PM · On: Magic Show
great direction. This is definitely on of the best story about Brian's confrontation with his past. I love it.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! What a good compliment! *blushes*
I've thought a lot about how Brian's past might have made him into who we see, and I've really been enjoying trying to explore those issues in this fic. Unfortunately, it seeems like there'll be a lot more to deal with... and Justin has to convince him to see the psychologist yet. I'm so glad you've continued to enjoy the story! Thank you so much for commenting again! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 05:30 PM · On: Magic Show
Oh fuck, I feel so bad for Brian, but he really should know Justin better than that.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: That's an interesting point; I think usually he would be more confident in Justin's feelings/support. I think it's the nightmares and flashbacks that have him so insecure at this point.
I'll have another chapter posted soon; it's lighter and NC-18 (figure everyone could use a break; especially Brian!!).
Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 01:17 PM · On: Magic Show
i can't wait for justin to get there. help is on the way brian. just hang on a little bit longer. he'll love you more.
Author's Response: Don't worry -- Justin walks in the door in on the very first line of the next chapter. :)
I just finished a chapter in which the subject of Justin's love is the central topic...You're prophetic ;).
Brian's doubts really are sad...
Thanks as always for the comments. I know I say it all the time, but it does make this all worthwhile when people comment! And you give such a good emotional gauge! :) :) :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 06, 2009 08:43 PM · On: Standards of Manhood
Great chapter.... I could just picture Brian walking into someplace like Pizza Palace.. no wonder the poor man got a headache just from looking at the cars in the parking lot... as for Brian and Mel .. I think you got that conversation just right.. she is always finding fault with him because she is extremely jealous of Brian's affection towards Lindsay and Gus...
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! I know, even JR was amazed to see Brian at Pizza Palace. :) I'm so glad that the Brian/Mel interaction was on target; I was surprised at how jealous she actually was by the time I finished the chapter!
Thanks so much for commenting; it means a lot to have such faithful readers. :) :)
Reviewer: KMD (Anonymous) · Date: August 06, 2009 09:17 AM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
So far, I am loving this story. I eagerly await more chapters. I would like to read more scenes between Brian and Debbie. I've always loved the interaction between those two. She was such a strong influence on Brian during his teenage years. Thank you for sharing your story.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love the Brian/Debbie dynamic, too. So far in this story, they are in "Sunday Breakfast With Gus," and "Bearing Gifts." I am planning to have more of the two of them coming up for sure. I think you have an important point about the influence of Debbie on Brian when he was growing up -- that is going to play a very big role in future chatpers.
I really appreciate the comment and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the story!
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 06, 2009 08:07 AM · On: Bearing Gifts
Wow.... Jack and Joan are something else... it's a wonder Brian is as normal as he is growing up with them as parents.... as usual Justin made his day even from long distance....
Author's Response: I kept thinking of that psychologist Brian talks to at the Baths after Justin's bashing when he says, "For someone who has enough disorders to merit your own classification in the Diagnostic and Statistical manual, you are one of the most well-adjusted and high-functioning bastards I know." :)
It really is amazing the strength, drive and honesty that Brian has, given what he has gone through. We'll see even more of it in future chapters, as the flashbacks continue for a while (sadly for Brian).
Thanks so much for commenting; it's very helpful to have readers' responses before posting the next chapter. :)
Reviewer: judi (Anonymous) · Date: August 06, 2009 05:50 AM · On: Standards of Manhood
This story is a great idea! I'm looking forward to Brian actually doing something about what's going on with him. I think you did the pizza place just fine. I'm ready to read more!
Author's Response: I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! Justin is going to come soon, and convince Brian that seeing a psychologist is necessary.It will be nice for him to be proactive and get through some healing. I hope you'll enjoy the future chapters, too. I'll have the next chapter posted soon. Thanks very much for commenting!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: August 05, 2009 11:21 PM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
Good to see that Brian and Gus together, I always love to see them together, Gus make Brian so human, and in your finfic, Justin is ok, I still can said I love him, but he is ok. And as you said that oneday you will write a finfic which is Brian with someone other than Justin, and he will be happy, I will keep that in my mind and look forward for it. And Mel, why can she see that how important that Brian in Gus' life, if she love Gus, if she can put the kid's benefit before her feeling, she will know what is right thing she need to do, beside, I think Brian also do a lot thing to her, as Brian not like her very much, of course he did not do that for Mel, he did them for Linz and Gus, but the most reason he did so much is Brian love Linz and Gus so much. So in my opinion, if Mel love Linz and Gus, why her behavior never show that. All she did is from her side, is what about her, but if you love someone, you definitely can stand at his side, think for his sake, you can put his benefit, he feeling before you, that is what we call love. And that is always Brian do for the people he care, that is why I love him so much. Love is not embody what you said, is not that you said I love you, that is not love, as my side, love is embody what you do, is embody that you care someone enough that you care someone's feeling, someone's benefit, you put them before you own one, that is I call for love, but of course Justin and other people can not see that, and that is why the way the treat Brian. And why did I ask you write a finfic that Brian to be a man who understand him, love him, know him, and care him, of course other than Justin, because I never think that he know Brian very well.
And will you see some MPREG finfic, because sometime, I will see some, but I can not endure a point is, after Justin lied to Brian, cheated on him, he can back to Brian so easy, even need Brian ask him to back just because he pregnancy Brian's kid, I do not think so. The things he did is happn, it can not be turn back, the hurt he make is create, what make the MPREG writer think that pregnancy can bring back everything, and cover the hurt, it never work, the hurt will always in your mind and heart, today he could come back because he love his kid, but how about five year, ten years, kids can not make a man stay forever. I must said that I did not like this idea very much.
And I want to said that, your are a kindly people, I see that you reply every review, and kindly and nice to them, I love that, look forward for more moment that Brian and Gus together.
Author's Response: I'm glad that you kept reading even though Brian/Justin are not your favorite couple. I'm even happier that you think Justin is okay in this story. There's lots more coming up in which he will be a HUGE help to Brian and they'll probably end up going through some of their issues / feelings together, including discussing those times when Brian hurt Justin and when Justin hurt Brian. I'm hoping that they can get to a place of understanding what they have meant to each other and made each other feel, both good and bad.
By the end of it all, I am sure their relationship will be far stronger. It's true that they cannot undo what they've done to each other; the past is past. However, I think it will be important for them to understand the effect that their actions have had on the other person.
I think you are right that Brian believes in love that does not place any demands on people, that does not imply ownership. I think that is sort of the core of his argument with Mel in this chapter.
There'll be more Brian/Gus...not for a couple chapters, but it's coming. :)
You're right - I will always repy to reviews. I love reviews so much and the only real way to show it is by replying, so there it is. :)
Yep, someday I'll try to write Brian with someone else...I better start thinking of ideas for that now because it'll have to be a pretty complicated fic I think!
Thanks so much for your comments, Flora. I love how strongly you feel about this and how much you want Brian to be in good hands. I hope he'll end up with as much support as he needs / desreves by the end of my fic. :)
Reviewer: ergenie (Anonymous) · Date: August 05, 2009 01:43 PM · On: Bearing Gifts
I wld like just to say that I simply adore this fic of yours.... sigh... the whole thing that Brian is going through, just so break my heart. I cried reading about his past, especially as he recalls his parents reactions when he got into Carnegie. That's so sad..... I love the way you write.... its incredible and am looking forward for more updates. Thank you...cheers....
Author's Response: Aww, thanks so much Ergenie! It means a lot to me to know that my writing has this effect. I'm touched that you like the story so much.
There'll be lots more sad memories for Brian in the next chapters. I do hope you will enjoy them and let me know what you think.
Thanks so much for commenting and for the really sweet compliments! It really does help so much to have that support from readers. :)
Reviewer: Pastrychef4 (Anonymous) · Date: August 05, 2009 08:08 AM · On: Bearing Gifts
Simply wonderful! You've done a fantastic job of describing the hopelessness and despair of living in the Kinney household. Poor Brian - he suffered terribly! Glad that he has Justin's support.
Great chapter! Looking forward to the next update!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad that those descriptions are coming through the way I wanted them to. I think it's important that the flashbacks are vivid so readers know what he's going through and Brian will surely minimize it when he's telling about it. The psychologist has his work cut out for him with this case I think.
So glad you're enjoying it and thank you for reviewing. :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 05, 2009 03:52 AM · On: Bearing Gifts
poor brian is so lonely. only justin can make it better. please bring him home for at least a visit.
i enjoyed this chapter alot.
Author's Response: Don't worry...Brian just has to get through the week and Emmett's visit. Justin will be there by the end of Saturday (four more days for Brian) and he'll be staying for more than a few days! :) I figure by the time Justin gets there, the readers should be as happy to see him as Brian will be. ;)
Glad you liked the chapter! Thanks as always for the comments!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 04, 2009 11:51 PM · On: Bearing Gifts
That was wonderful. It was good that it was Ben that found him, Brian was right, the others would have made a big deal out of it.
It's good that Justin can help, even from that far away.
Author's Response: Yeah, I think Ben's definitely the most level-headed person; I figured Brian might need that after his flashback. :)
Thanks for commenting! :)
Reviewer: Pastrychef4 (Anonymous) · Date: August 04, 2009 09:36 AM · On: The Best Laid Plans
Great chapter! Definitely looking forward to the next update!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I was worried people would not like this chapter; not a lot of action comparatively. The next one gets pretty angsty; it'll be up soon. I hope you'll like it.
Thanks again for commenting!
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 04, 2009 07:10 AM · On: The Best Laid Plans
Great chapter... I am glad you continued this story... It's a good thing Brian kept the Dr.'s card..because it sounds like he is having nightmares without realizing it.....
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing this chapter! Yeah, Brian is going to go through an even harder time in the next chapter. It's gonna be a really tough week for him. He will definitely be needing that business card by the end of it.
I really appreciate your sharing your thoughts about the story. :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 03, 2009 09:55 PM · On: The Best Laid Plans
i liked the conversations, but why the night terror? get him to the doc and get justin home.
Author's Response: Hi -
Thanks for your thoughts. I'm pleased that the conversations went well. I know it's sort of going slow in terms of the doc and Justin; the way I see it, Brian is not going to easily admit that he has a problem. It's going to take a while before he'll even want to admit to Justin that this problem is intensifying. He had a pretty hard time saying it in person, but admitting that he needs someone with him is going to take a lot more.
That said, in the next chapters the rest of the characters will start to see that something's going on with Brian, and I think one of them is going to make sure Justin knows that it's getting worse. Justin should be there by the next Monday. Until then, he'll be trying to help by phone.
I hope you'll stay tuned!
Thanks as always for the comments! :)
Reviewer: Jayce (Anonymous) · Date: August 03, 2009 09:27 PM · On: The Best Laid Plans
I just wanted to say how glad I am you decided to continue this story. I'm really anxious to see Brian get to the root of his nightmares and more of his relationship with Gus. As for the being your first attempt at some of the characters, I'd say the conversations with them were spot-on, as are your Brian & Justin. I can almost hear their voices saying these things. Great job!!
Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much! Brian's nightmares and flashbacks are going to be plaguing him for a couple more chapters, so it'll be pretty angsty. One upcoming chapter will have Gus, too. :)
I am so happy that the characters rang true. In the next chapter, I attempt Hunter and Ben for the first time, so I've got my fingers crossed!! :)
Thanks so much for commenting!! I ***love*** hearing from readers and appreciate the time it takes to comment. I hope you'll like the following chapters, too.
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 03, 2009 07:10 PM · On: The Best Laid Plans
That's so Emmett, I love him :D
Poor Brian, another night terror. He has to work on those. Oh, and Justin needs to get his ass home, pronto, to help him!
Great chapter.
Author's Response: I know, I'm really looking forward to Emmett's chapter!!! I'm a little worried, I don't know quite where he's going to take Brian; they're quite a pair together. :)
Yeah, Justin is going to have a hard time deciphering Brian by phone, because it's going to be a little while before Brian caves and admits what's going on. The rest of the gang is going to see bits of Brian's ordeal thuogh and make sure Justin gets over there...
Thanks **so** much for commenting!! The next chapter will be up soon; I hope you'll like it.
Reviewer: Tiffany (Anonymous) · Date: August 03, 2009 02:43 AM · On: Inside Pockets
I think you should continue its a very beautifully written story thus far.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the compliment. I'm glad you like it so far. Thanks for commenting; it's encouraging to see readers' responses! :)
Reviewer: lori r (Anonymous) · Date: August 03, 2009 02:40 AM · On: Believe
this is a very perceptive depiction of the b/j dynamic but my highest kudos to your writing skills. excellent grammar, punctuation and that most elusive skill, rhythm...
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! First, I'm glad the b/j dynamic is right. Thanks also for the compliment on my writing -- I'm really touched. :) I hope you'll like future chapters / stories, too. Thanks for commenting; it definitely is encouraging to find out what readers think. :)
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 03, 2009 01:01 AM · On: Inside Pockets
Great chapter.... I don't think you should end it here.. I would love to see what else happens between them and see them together with Gus... Thanks..
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your support! I love the idea of a chapter with Brian, Justin and Gus. As it looks now, there'll be one in the near future. All suggestions always welcome! Thanks again!!!!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 11:20 PM · On: Inside Pockets
this was an amazing chapter. justin just knows what to say and what brian needs to hear.
do i want this to end here? no. there could possibly be more with the doc.
Author's Response: Oooh, I'm so glad you liked it!!!! The psychologist will definitely be back; he'll be busy with Brian... :)
Thanks so much for all your comments!!
Reviewer: carlou (Anonymous) · Date: August 02, 2009 08:50 PM · On: Inside Pockets
You captured exactly how I imagine their relationship to be,not just one of them dominating but both working to make what they have special.
Good work
Author's Response: Wow, what a great comment! THank you so much! I hope I can keep it this way in future chapters. Let me know if I get off course! :)
Thanks for the support!!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 05:47 PM · On: Inside Pockets
That was heart breaking.
I think you should continue with this.
Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much! I'm glad the story is meaningful that way -- thanks for the feedback! :) !
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 05:37 PM · On: Believe
Wow, that was so hot!
Author's Response: *blushes* Thanks! I couldn't get it quite the way I wanted to, but I guess it came out alright! Thanks for the feedback!!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 05:06 PM · On: Diners Past, Passengers Present
Poor Brian. A night terror in public.
Author's Response: Yeah, it's probably best that he didn't hear any more about it and doesn't recall much...!!
Thanks for the comment! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 04:57 PM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
That was great. I love Brian with Gus.
Author's Response: I do, too.That started as a paragraph and I liked how it was going so much it just kept going. In future chapters I'll try to include more Gus!
Thanks for commenting! :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 04:00 PM · On: Inside Pockets
no .. please don't end the story, it's beautiful
Author's Response: Thanks for the compliment! It seems like the story will continue; thanks for your support!! :)
Reviewer: hunny (Anonymous) · Date: August 02, 2009 03:24 PM · On: Inside Pockets
it so should NOT be the end of the story. it sounds fantastic and i want more please please
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the feedback!! I'm glad you like it so much! It seems like it will continue. :)
Reviewer: Sunny (Anonymous) · Date: August 02, 2009 02:50 PM · On: Inside Pockets
I think you should continue. That is an interesting story and you have a wonderful way with words. I guess there´s a lot more about Brian and his issues that need to be discussed and worked out before he can move on.
Author's Response: Yeah, Brian and the psychologist will have lots of things to go through (with Justin's help). I'm glad you're interested in this part of the story; I was hoping people would be interested in that arc.
Thanks for the compliment and for commenting!!
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 02, 2009 02:30 PM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
I also would like this story to continue too. I love every bit of it so far. And it would be great to see how Brian's nightmare, his relationship with Gus & Justin, etc will become as he finally decides to deal with the issue. The shrink on the plane sounds like someone very nice, caring and intelligent, and can be a true help to Brian.
Author's Response: Thanks so much!!! You bring up an interesting point -- the effect that seeing a psychologist will have on Brian's relationships. I will definitely have to be careful about that in future chatpers. I'm happy that you think the psychologist seems like a good character, since it seems I'll have to develop him a lot further.
Thanks very much for reading and commenting!
Reviewer: Shelly (Anonymous) · Date: August 02, 2009 02:02 PM · On: Inside Pockets
I think you should definitely continue (if your hearts in it of course) because you're a fantastic writer and the story is really interesting. I'm a big fan!
Author's Response: Shelly,
Thank you so much for your kind comments! I'm touched that you like my writing, and that you find the story interesting. My heart is in the subject; I just felt like this was a potential stopping point, and I think if I go past here it'll be a while before another possible stopping point comes up (in other words, it's now or never! :) ). That said, I have ideas for it that I would like to follow up on, and if pople think it makes sense to go on, then I probably will explore them in this story.
Again -- thanks for your thoughts! I get so excited with reviews, you have no idea! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 01:47 AM · On: Believe
i think brian should take him home, let him paint there where he's the happiest. things will work out where they matter. brian can always see the meaning in justin's paintings but just doesn't see himself.
Author's Response: Thanks for the suggestion about taking Justin back to Pittsburgh. As I wrote in the comments, I wasn't expecting Justin's part in this to end up as it did. I don't know quite how things will turn out, except of course that Brian and Justin will be together. Maybe I should be really adventurous and consider some other cities, not Pittsburgh or NYC. I mean, they never go to Topeka, or Cheyenne, Wyoming, or anywhere! ;) Just kidding!
I'm glad that Brian's reading of Justin's painting seemed realistic to you. In the next chapter, Justin will be helping Brian to "see himself" as you put it. I hope you'll like it.
Thanks so much for the continued comments; I hope you can tell I really do appreciate it!
Reviewer: Flora (Anonymous) · Date: August 01, 2009 09:51 PM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
I do not know how do you think about Justin, but as my thought, I do not like him very much. And I never think that Brian must be with him, I always believe that Brian deserve happy, he is a very good man, as you write, I believe that Gus love him from all his heart, and Michael and Lindsay love him too. I always do not understand why everyone think that he must be with Justin, I never think Justin is suited to be with him, of course I do not like him with Michael, because I do not like Michael at all. If let me said, I like Brian with a man, really love him, always stay with him, stand by his side, support him, understand him, loyalty to him, affection to him, I can not forgive Justin do that thing to Brian on season two, and I of course totally disagree that every one accuse it is Brian's fault, Brian never ask him to do that, he is a adult, he do whatever he want to do, and of course has accept that, so what happen to him in season three, it is none of Brian's business, even, I think Brian let him back is a wrong decision, look what he do to Brian on season five, Brian never owe him anything, in fact, Brian do so many thing for him, and he never be greatful to that, he always said is Brian never do enough for him, and I want to ask, if Brian is so not good to him, why every time he run back to Brian, if he not to do that, I will be very greatful to see that, so I always to see a finfic Brian would have be happy with a good man, not Justin, a man always loytaly to him, affection to him, love him by heart, understand him support him,and stand by his side.
Author's Response: Flora,
I respect how you feel about Justin. I can see how you could feel that way and see Justin as unappreciative at times; Brian does do a lot for him, as you said. And I agree with you totally about the kind of love that Brian deserves.
That said, I'll be honest. Brian and Justin will end up together at the end of this fanfic. While I do see where you're coming from, I think Justin offers Brian a lot in the relationship and has the strength of character to get through to Brian, despite his faults (hey, no one is perfect! :) ).
In this story, I am going to try to make it clear how committed they are to each other now. I hope you will see that, especially starting in the next chapter. Justin is going to be very supportive of Brian as Brian tries to work through some of his childhood issues. Justin will be pushing Brian to grow as a person and I can assure you that Justin will be exceptionally loyal, affectionate and supportive. In the next chapter, which I'll post in the next day or so, Justin tries to clarify some of Brian's feelings for him because Brian has a hard time understanding his emotions. I hope you will read the fic anyway, and see what you think of Justin and his relationship in it. Remember that this is post 513, and I'm trying to assure that they have both learned a lot and grown from their respective mistakes in the past.
Someday I might write a fanfic in which Brian is with someone other than Justin, but I don't know when. That seems to me like quite a challenge; to develop that relationship and probably create my own original character. I think it would be interesting, though, and I will definitely keep it in mind.
Thank you very much for your thoughts and comments! I will keep in mind what you said as I continue the story. Stay tuned for Chapter 4; I hope you'll let me know what you think of that one, too. :)
Reviewer: mikki (Anonymous) · Date: August 01, 2009 05:18 PM · On: Believe
Hi, it's really good! I normally never leave reviews.
Please continue!!!
Author's Response: Mikki,
I know where you're coming from -- up until a couple weeks ago, I never left comments on fanfics. Then I found a couple that I loved so much I thought, "Well, I have to say something!" Then I started posting this story, and now I try to comment all the time because I realize what it means to me as an author and I want to try to give that support to the writers I'm reading.
So -- thank you so much for letting me know that you like it and want it to continue! It is great to know that the story is read and enjoyed. I have one more chapter done, and after that one I'm hoping that people will comment to say whether the story should go on or not, because I feel like it could be an appropriate ending, or it could go on with Brian dealing with childhood issues in a much longer story.
I'll have that chapter up in a day or two. Thank you again for commenting!! It has definitely brightened my day. :)
Reviewer: Flora (Anonymous) · Date: August 01, 2009 12:34 AM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
love chapter one, Brian is one of the best parent you can ever know, the way he treat gus, love to see them together, could you write more that Brian and Gus together, love them very much.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the way I wrote Brian. I pretty much made him into what I would love to see in terms of parenting.
If the story goes past chapter 4, I promise more Brian/Gus scenes! Thanks so much for the suggestion and the comments! I hope you'll let me know what you think of future chapters. :)
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: July 31, 2009 06:36 PM · On: Diners Past, Passengers Present
Vastly different chapter but intriguing I am eager to read chapter 3
Author's Response: Thanks for commenting -- I'm glad you're intrigued!
Chapter 3 is again quite different from the other two. I'm hoping it'll still be realistic and in character. I'll probably have it posted late today; I hope you'll like it. :)
Reviewer: bksbracelet (Anonymous) · Date: July 31, 2009 06:21 PM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
Beautiful I loved the way Brian and Gus got to revel in each other's love, they are like flower buds gradully opening to the sun. Gus growing and building self esteem knowing he is loved. Brian basking in the simple enjoyment that is Gus and experiencing what childhood should be. Deb's reassurance to them both of what wonderful people they are.
Author's Response: What a great metaphor for their relationship! That's just how I thought of it -- Brian wanting to give Gus what he didn't have. Thanks for your response to the chapter!
Reviewer: Diana (Anonymous) · Date: July 31, 2009 04:07 PM · On: Diners Past, Passengers Present
WOW,
the story is very emotional. For me at least. Even I shed a few tears during reading the first chapter.
Please go on with it. I think it's amazing.
And i really love the way Brian speaks with his son and explains everything.
It's like every father should handle their child. ;o)))
Author's Response: Hi,
I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. That's the impact I was going for and the one I had writing it. I couldn't keep myself from making Brian the father I'd fall in love with watching in the restaurant. :)
I'll be curious to see what you think of the third chapter, which I'll probably post later today. I'm worried about Brian being in character for that one, but I'm hoping it's just this side of him I tried to develop with Gus.
Thanks very much for reviewing; it means a lot to me that you like the story and to know that the story's doing what I hoped it might. :)
Reviewer: inkedkelt (Anonymous) · Date: July 31, 2009 09:34 AM · On: Sunday Breakfast With Gus
Beautiful! Perfect! I can't wait to read the next chapters!
Author's Response: Yippee! I'm so glad you liked it! I'll post the second chapter now, since I'm so glad! I hope you'll like the next one, too. It's angsty, quite different, so I look forward to seeing what you think of it. :)Thanks again for commenting!!!!!!!!!
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