Woahhhh. This was fcking hot. Idk how you even thought of this srsly. And Brian getting possessive and jealous hehe <33333

You went into a very bold direction with this chapter. Justin made a sound Brian felt only belonged to him and he freaked out throwing the trick on his ass. The complexity of the evolving Brian grows strongly here to confusion. I'm sure many readers took issue with your writing of this chapter. Brian replaces drinking with E is no recovery. Brian accepting a trick when he really knows Justin doesn't want one had to leave a bad taste in some reader's mouth. Brian's rudeness was arguably in or OOC. Justin's submisson to a three way when he was seeking a way to make Brian happy without booze was possibly the worse choice he could have made with the circumstances. For the first time to wrote Brian as a character we don't like. Interesting...

For 36 chapters you stacked a deck of emotional cards building up Brian Kinney and in one chapter with an odd failure of a three way you blew those fucking cards all over room. You've opened such a can of worms with this chapter; I can't wait to see were you go from here.

My gut feeling is your intentionally opened a new gapping wound in Brian's mind and you have the writing skill to stitch him up again. Fuck! What a damn chapter! I give it a 12+ if I could just for the shock it caused me.

If Brian intends now to possess Jusitn totally and is growing ready for commitment; this chapter makes sense. Brian needs to realize only Justin's love can make him happy. Throwing out the trick is one way of saying to himself "enough is enough" and they are headed to a better place as a couple and he can quit E after gaining a hold on his drinking. E isn't addictive.

I look forward to your next update and I'm glad I took the time to read your story today. What an emotional ride this has been. You're a gifted writer. With better grammar you'll be exceptional. At times it was a difficult read without paragraphs and so many separate sentences of the same train of thought.

Don't fret about answering all my reviews; just answer one would be fine. Thank you for a great read.

Author's Response:

This chapter was in my mind since at least.... *thinks back*....at least Chapter 25 if not before. I think it's funny -- I thought I was being too obvious when I had Brian throw the trick out. I figured people would be annoyed that I ended the chapter when "the big moment" of monogamy was right around the corner! I guess that goes to show the advantage I have of knowing how the rest of the story goes! 

The aspect with Justin is one I will have to go into more than I originally planned. I think there were a few reasons for Justin's behavior, and Brian's reaction (well, I think Brian's reaction is simpler, but I digress). We'll see how it plays out in Chapter 39. 

I'm playing around with whether it is absolutely, unequivocally necessary for them to quit E altogether. I know it probably sounds crazy to most people, but since it really isn't proven to be addictive, and is *relatively* safe (compared to most other options), I wonder if Brian really would totally stop it. I can see him quitting the alcohol, but would he stop E altogether? Or, once the issues are addressed, would he reserve the option of the occasional hit with Justin? That's what's been on my mind... 

Your compliments and thoughts mean a great deal to me and I appreciate your taking the time to leave them! 

 

Hey sfscarlet, to answer your question what Brian was thinking, to quote Melanie, "he was thinking about the only dick that matters, his own." LOL

I really enjoyed this chapter. Maybe they should not trick for awhile and see how they go.

As for the commentor that said Brian has changed so much why would Justin still love him and that most or a lot of relationships wouldn't make it, I think that's really just oppinion. Every relationship is different. I doubt Justin is only in love with Brian's drinking and drugging and nothing else, so therefore he will still be in love with him if he no longer does that. Even if you put the addiction aside, couples that are together for a long time will change over time as they grow older and situations happen etc, but many people last because they grow together and learn to love the new parts of their partner etc. I think your doing an amazing job and I very much like where your taking Brian and Justin. I think it is in-character because your showing Brian growing as a person. Nobody stays the same forever and it's unrealistic to think Brian has to stay the same forever.

Author's Response:

:)

The issue of how they change and grow together is an interesting one. I personally think that it won't threaten their relationship because it basically it is an expansion / deepening of what they probably shared when alone together -- in brief, intimate moments. Now it's closer, deeper, more often, more mutual. Of course, some changes will be necessary (and probably won't be easy), but I think the core remains the same. 

 

Thanks so much for your thoughts!! :) You were quite right about the tricking! ;)

 

I am glad that Brian is really making an attempt to stop drinking..... Although I think they need to revise the rules a little.... Brian and Justin are only supposed to trick when the other is around...but... If Brian doesn't like to see or hear Justin's reaction to anyone else... how are they going to follow that rule??? 

Author's Response:

You're quite right, as I'm sure you've seen in Chapter 38. I had this chapter planned from several chapters before they made the "new rules," in the back of my mind knowing what I wanted that would "break" Brian into monogamy. I guess it was surprising to everyone else, but I saw it a mile off! (of course, I better, right?! ;)) .

 

Thanks!! :)

In response to Rach:  You're right that in the show Brian often is seen getting 'off' in the backroom of Babylon then dumping the trick without getting him off.    Which is in total contrast to his image of 'Stud", don't you think?  I mean on one hand, you have Ben telling Michael how Brian went above and beyond to get Ben off after he got off.  To me, that was more in character with the Brian they 'wanted' us to see.  How did he get his rep for being the best fuck if men weren't getting off? It never rang true in the show for me, and it didn't ring true here.   Brian's legendary status was for being the best fuck, going all night, etc.  Giving guys mind blowing orgasms.   And I don't think he ever kicked a trick out of his lof in the show after getting off.  He kicked them out before sex started, or before either got off, but never after only he got off.  

In this chapter, Brian is portrayed as a selfish, immature prick.  And I don't like him. But I can understand his confusion, and behavior. A lot is going on with him internally.  coping with past child abuse, his present addiction to drugs and alcohol, and his feelings for Justin. And, imo, he's acting out and not in a good way.  He's very much ooc these days.   I wonder, when the old Brian is gone, replaced with the new and improved, will Justin still love him?  If this is a realistic portrayal of people who go through heavy addiction and recovery, then it should be noted that many relationships don't  make it through such changes.   Justin and Brian's relationship will suffer (or should) because of the transition Brian is going through.  All that defined him before, sex, drugs, power, etc., is being chipped away. Then, who is he???  Who will he be? And how will Justin view that person?  Lets not forget a lot of Brian's character traits stemmed from his need for absolute control.  It's what attracts people to him. His self assuranc, true a manufactured self cockiness, but still, people are drawn to that. As was Justin.  I'm wondering how Justin will feel when Brian is no longer 'in' control.  When he has to fight, day by day, for control to simply not take a drink, or do drugs, or fuck someone else.  When he slips, (95% of all people in recovery have mulitple relapses)  When Justin realizes that Brian's recovery is a life long process, and he now has to live with the disease.  

Anyway, just some deep thoughts on my part.  I do love the story, but I forget it's just fantasy at times. My bad,  True addiction and relationship to do not play out like this.

Author's Response:

I've been thinking about the idea of how Justin will respond to the "new" Brian. It's interesting to consider, because on the one hand, it's a big change. There will have to be adjustments made. I don't think it will be dramatic enough to threaten their relationship though; I prefer to think that Justin sees more of the "softer side of Brian" in private moments even through the show. It's more of a matter of depth and consistency of this type of interaction. Of course, as I said, changes will happen, but I'm hoping that the core has been there in some form, and is just transformed in part now.

 

Thanks for your thoughts! They are invaluable to me and the story. :)

I'm proud of Brian for taking control of his drinking. I'm proud of Justin for being such a good partner. And I'm proud of you for writing this beautiful, emotional story. And this one was also HOT. I think Brian wasn't out of character with kicking out the trick.

Author's Response:

Awww, you are too sweet! I am happy that this chapter was enjoyed by some and that his efforts toward understanding his alcoholism weren't lost with the rest of the chapter! Thanks so much for your thoughts (and I'm glad you liked the threesome, too. ;).  :)

i'm glad brian's taking control or trying to take control of his drinking.

the sex was so hot, but i do feel sorry for the trick. so close yet so far away. brian doesn't share his toys well. good for him.

Author's Response:

Glad the scene was hot! :)  I feel a tiny bit sorry for Auburn Hair, but you know, it was still an experience to remember. ;) 

Thanks as always for the support! 

Ok, first let me say that the sex was SOOOO fucking hot! Having said that, I'm sorry, but I have a lot of issues with this chapter.  Taking E?  What is the difference between alcohol and E?  They are both drugs.  I can't see any improvement there other then they only got a 'little' high.  Like only 'smoking' a little.  It just didn't sit well with me.  I'm not sure where Brian is going with his recovery.  You can't just 'wean' off of alcohol and drugs. Either you make a commitment to stop, or you don't.  I can understand his decision not  to drink at work.  fine. Is he deciding now not to drink when he goes out?  And if that's the case, isn't taking E defeating the intent of him wanting to stop? What exactly is he stopping? I'm not getting it sorry.  One drug traded for another. 

And kicking the trick out? Without so much as a reach around? So fucking unfair.  Whatever Brian's issue, that was a selfish prick thing to do. That trick served them well and got nothing for his efforts. It made Brian look petty to me.  If he got jealous, he should have quickly got the trick off then threw him out.  Then go in the chair and discuss it what happened with Justin. What he did was very ooc, and not in a good way.

Sorry hon, I love this story, you know that, but this chapter just felt very off to me.  Not liking Brian at all right now.  I hope you fix this, though I don't know how.  When writing other characters, it's important to give them a personality, even if it's just a glimpse.  If you expected me not to 'feel' anything for the trick, you could have written him unlikeable, but you didn't. He was very likeable.  He was very accomindating. And he was treated like shit.   Like I said, imo, you displayed Brian in a very poor light in this chapter.  

Author's Response:

I think you have a lot of good points. I think the drug / alcohol issue is one that is unclear to Brian at this point, and that's why I made it that way for the chapter. I think he's trying to get things worked out, but it's not a smooth path and not instant recovery or understanding of the issue. He's trying to deal with the issue as he sees it, and he hasn't given really any thought to drug use at all. The way I imagined it, he was focused on trying to imagine his life without alcohol -- almost preparing himself to not drink. He's not pushing himself farther than that, yet. 

Furthermore, in my view, Brian quitting everything cold turkey at the suggestion that he could soon become an alcoholic isn't totally in character either, and isn't terribly realistic. I don't want it to seem like an easy thing -- just quit when you realize it's dangerous! -- when it isn't. It's something that people struggle with through a lifetime, and I don't want to minimize that, either. No one is perfect, and a story isn't that interesting if characters glide through or have no flaws. Besides, he hasn't made a commitment to stop -- yet. He's trying to decide if he can, in the same way he won't commit to Justin until he knows it's forever.

 

Though I love Brian, there were times when I felt he was unfair even in the show -- or at least inconsiderate and flawed.

Now, as for the trick. I did consider having Brian get him off; I sort of had an ending in my head that went that way. But when I wrote it, it didn't have the effect that I wanted. What I wanted was something big, an out-of-character type of response because I wanted to show what I feel is a big change in Brian -- that he realizes in a "real" (not theoretical, not "I promise someday") way that he wants Justin to himself. He finally really "gets" that in a deeply visceral way, in the physical way that he communicates in. His mind was there before, and his heart was in a way. But I guess what I was aiming for was a reaction that would show the depth of his feeling -- that it would be striking to him in a way that would cause a more extreme reaction. 

 

In doing so, I realize I didn't put Brian in the best light, but again I was trying to demonstrate something about the depth of his feeling that I didn't think I could capture with just a description. 

Maybe there was another way to do it, but to me, this hit at several of his biggest "issues" as a character -- monogamy and his physical way of relating to things and people, as well as pushing the idea of the new rules farther. 

I'm glad, though surprised, that the trick was likable -- I wasn't aiming for that so much as anonymity. I guess I saw him more as a sort of catalyst than a character, though perhaps I didn't make that clear either.

Anyway, thanks for reading and for your thoughts. I'm sorry you disliked the chapter and the choices made within it. I do see your points, and I hope that you can see my reasons for the choices made at least. 

They'll be discussing these issues extensively in the next chapter. I hope you'll keep reading.