Reviewer: Naughty_teaspoon (Signed) · Date: May 18, 2019 10:08 AM · On: It Will Be Forever

Wonderful. They are slowly making progress and I love it. Justin is amazing. He has always been the most mature person Brian knows. Even when he was still a brat he was too mature for his age. No wonder they fit so well. They just complete each other. 

Reviewer: JTSecrets (Signed) · Date: October 25, 2009 03:09 AM · On: It Will Be Forever

Brian wants to be happy but he won't have complete happiness until he commits to Justin totally. He's evolving slowing and has so much to learn. If Brian tries to trick again at this point I'd be surprised.

Author's Response:

You're dead on right and insightful on this, as you know by now from Chapter 38! :)

Reviewer: judi (Anonymous) · Date: September 03, 2009 02:53 AM · On: It Will Be Forever

I feel like I'm learning something from the way you're analyzing this whole situation.  Thanks.

 

Author's Response:

Judi, 

I'm sorry my reply is taking so long! I'm so happy to hear that you're enjoying the story and that is the best compliment, because it means it's at least somewhat believable  and thought-provoking. So thank you!! :)

I hope you'll like the rest of the story as well!

Reviewer: Suse (Anonymous) · Date: September 01, 2009 08:40 AM · On: It Will Be Forever

The progression that Brian is making in realizing why he tricks and his willingness to explore those feelings comes across clearly. It makes far more sense than for him to just want to jump into monogamy after the number of years he's been tricking. The tenderness he shows Justin makes your breath catch.

Author's Response:

I'm really glad that this makes sense because it's sort of a tight rope -- you're totally right, quitting cold turkey seems really unlikely at best and unrealistic, regardless of Brian's intent (though not impossible, I think). Yet, I did want him to be making some changes. It really is wonderful to hear that it's going along well.

Of course, I'm also extremely happy that the tenderness is the overriding emotion of the scene, because above it all I think is his desire not to hurt Justin, and only to see Justin happy.

Thanks so much for your feedback; it's so encouraging and lets me know what is "getting through" to readers! :) Hope you'll enjoy the next chapters as well!

Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: September 01, 2009 04:46 AM · On: It Will Be Forever

For Gina Marie: I always enjoy your reviews too : )

 

Mas = “Making a Scene” by buckeye5 on LJ. I can’t rec it enough – and I think Indigo556 is even more obsessed with it than me *laughs* It’s BDSM with Brian as the submissive and is seriously one of the best fics I’ve ever read. I think the first couple of chapters are open but you’ll need to be friended to read the rest. Honestly, run don’t walk to read it because it’s just that good.

Author's Response:

It would be *impossible* to be more obsessed with that story than I am. Impossible. Totally, utterly impossible. Passages of that story go through my head -- unbidded. I'm going to have to write something here on Midnight Whispers about the extent to which Why Not With Me is sort of...I don't know. Like a way to explain my obsession with MaS.

Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: September 01, 2009 02:37 AM · On: It Will Be Forever

*sighs*

Sooooo beautiful... I really love it! Especially the end of this chapter of course! ;-)

Author's Response:

*smiles happily* Thank you!! :)

Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 31, 2009 09:32 PM · On: It Will Be Forever

Ok. Just got off from work. I suddenly remembered there was a QAF scene where Mel askd Brian how many tricks he did on average when Brian asked Mel to defend the sexual harrassment case for him. If I remember correctly, he said 20-30 tricks a month? And he has tricked for 20 years.. So, we are talking about 4800 to 7200 tricks in total (!!)

Author's Response:

You're totally right. I figured I was low in guessing, but I never thought I was *that* low.

No wonder when he got syphillis Justin was like "it's a wonder it didn't happen sooner"! :)

Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: August 31, 2009 05:45 PM · On: It Will Be Forever

Yay…an unexpected update! *big grin*

 

I completely agree with the idea that a lack of emotional / physical stability in the Kinney household would manifest in the need for order and clearly defined “rules” in the adult Brian. For me, it seems that Brian genuinely struggles with identifying both his own feelings and those of other people. Hence his uncertainty about how Justin would respond to the tricking and difficulty in explaining what triggered it. In the absence of any noticeable correlation between an event and the emotional response it triggers, how does a child learn to properly identify emotions or develop appropriate responses as an adult? The following sentence captures that disjunction perfectly: “Just…every moment was like… being on the edge of a cliff. You never knew what was going to happen. You might try to do something good, or funny and you’d end up just…beaten for it. And yet…things like violence, or drinking, or abuse…nothing”.

 

A lot of classic “Brianisms” amake sense in that context - his canon assertions that there are two types of straight people, that he believes in fucking not love because love is based on lies, that marriage is for straight people, you don’t fuck friends etc. At their core those statements are all examples of oppositional, rule-based thinking. For me, they operate not necessarily as a denial of emotion (which he clearly does experience) but as examples of the framework Brian has been forced to try and cobble together on his own in an attempt to understand and navigate his feelings and relationships with other people. Perhaps also another self-comforting behaviour, in that the rules offer safety and reassurance when it seems that everyone else is talking in a language he can’t understand. Although as Dr Stevenson noted, progress is definitely being made!

 

The discussion of those issues between Brian and Dr Stevenson was just…*sighs* I really, really loved this chapter. Ps. did you read the new MaS chapter yet? Fantastic as always. Now I have two great updates to keep me occupied : ) : )

Author's Response:

First things first -- yes I *DID* catch the MaS posting. At like 3AM. Was practically squealing with excietment! Seriously. *takes deep calming breath thinking about it*.

There are psych studies about relationship formation and insecure/secure formation of relationships based on parental involvement. These were in the back of my mind for this (and other, earlier) chapters. I'm glad this makes sense to everyone. His insecurity and anxiety in these situations is extremely important in the story, as I see it.

You're totally right -- Brian could basically be creating rules for himself. It is quite true that he does. I agree that he's trying to make a framework for himself to understand what's going on and the world as he has known it.

I'm very glad you liked the chapter so much!!!!! **big smiles back!**

Reviewer: wh8208 (Anonymous) · Date: August 31, 2009 02:41 PM · On: It Will Be Forever

I am totally surpirised!! update!!! Thanks for your work.

I am really enjoying this story alot. This chapter made me smile with tear in my eyes. I love how Brian is trying and talking about him and his emotions with Justin. It amazes me. Also I love how Justin is trying to understand Brian.

I just love this couple!!!

Author's Response:

I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you so much for reviewing I was a little nervous about this chapter; that people would forget.

I love B/J in this, too. It's terribly mushy, but *shrugs shoulders*. :)

Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 31, 2009 12:02 PM · On: It Will Be Forever

I was so happy to see an update! I know you're busy, so thank you!  Loved this chapter. It was very honest.  Tricking is habit to Bria, and it's totally understandable that he needs rules.  all addicts do. Brian's developed an addiction to drugs, sex and alcohol.  Controling that addiction will take rules, and self disipline. Kind of a like a 12  step program.  Once the 'urge' is recognized and controlled, he'll slowly start losing it.   I loved the last line .  He understands healing is a process.  Many years went into creating the beautiful mess that he is, it will take some time to eliminate the mess, and just be beautiful. 

Author's Response:

I'm so glad you liked the chapter! I was a little nervous since I hadn't posted in what seems (to me) like forever! I hadn't thought about the rules as much from the perspective of addiction; I think that's a very good point. I was thinking mostly of his early years and the impact of his household on him in that way and creating a very deeply felt need for order and predictability. There are so many layers to Brian's psyche! :)

I loved the last line, too. As soon as I wrote it, I knew the chapter was over. Brian just wanted Justin to know where his heart was, and where the rest of him was trying to catch up to, so to speak. :)

I also love your description about him just being beautiful. :) *loves Brian's nickname!*

Thanks so much for the quick review; it's so good to post again. The next chapter will probably be ready...late this week or about this time next week. It has a lot of Gus. :)