Reviewer: Naughty_teaspoon (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2019 06:27 AM · On: Scarves
Oh no. This was so painful *sobs *And when Brian said about the suicide attempts I was shocked :(((
Reviewer: SunshineSally (Signed) · Date: May 11, 2015 05:21 AM · On: Scarves
I hope we hear about when he tried this before, was he young, who found him and what not. MY GOD, GIRL - you are killing me with how awesome this is. I NEED TO GO TO SLEEEEEP lol
Reviewer: Heidi (Anonymous) · Date: March 09, 2010 06:46 AM · On: Scarves
Is that really what you thought about the scarfing scene in the show? Or is this something you just wrote for this story to give it drama? I am very curious about your answer.
Author's Response: That is how I felt about the scarfing scene, because of how I felt about the events going on at that time... Not that I don't see / understand other interpretations, but I do favor this interpretation.
Reviewer: turtlegirl922 (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 04:08 PM · On: Scarves
Ack...crying again...need more kleenex. Think Dr. Stevenson will give me some of his?
This is really powerful stuff...and beautifully written. Seriously.
Author's Response: Dr. Stevenson always shares his kleenex and his bottled water...!! *hands over some*
Thank you so much -- I genuinely appreciate the feedback! :)
Reviewer: JTSecrets (Signed) · Date: October 24, 2009 10:37 PM · On: Scarves
To my knowledge of canon Brian's sucidial attempt was a day or days before the prom. I've watched the DVDs like a dozen times too. Michael's party was at night so it would conflict with the prom night. This was a great chapter anyway.
Author's Response: You're probably right; I was relying mostly on how I'd been thinking of it, not going back enough to the tapes. It's fortunate that it didn't ruin the chapter.
Reviewer: Kitty_Ballou (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 06:23 PM · On: Scarves
I can't say anything! I am still speechless... Great chapter anyway!! *hugs* But... Poor Brian... *sniff*
Reviewer: Gina Marie (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2009 11:10 AM · On: Scarves
I alway's viewed Brian's 'scarfing' incident as a suicide attempt, you explained that beautifully here. Considering his self abusive habits, it's not surprise it wasn't his first attempt.
Great chapter. I'm loving these sessions, and what they reveal.
Author's Response: I'm so pleased that you're happy with this interpretation of 122. I am going to have Brian discuss it further with Dr. Stevenson in Chapter 22, probably in a session with Justin (*spoiler!*).
You'll learn a little more about a previous attempt in the next chapter, which I am just about to post. Hope you'll like it!
Reviewer: Avampiregirl (Anonymous) · Date: August 18, 2009 09:45 AM · On: Scarves
Great story! Can't wait until the next chapter.
Author's Response: Yea!!! New reviewer!!!
I'm so happy to hear that you are enjoying the story! I'm just about to post the next chapter; I hope you'll enjoy it.
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review; it makes my day so much better!
Reviewer: Sake (Anonymous) · Date: August 18, 2009 08:53 AM · On: Scarves
Brilliant! So emotional. I think this is a very understnadable interpretation of 122. I can't wait to see the Mikey side.
Author's Response: *Smiles* I'm so glad that this interpretation is a believable, plausible one. I was worried about that, because I know many seem to take it as clearly just a part of Brian's sex-crazed-ness.
The Mikey side looks like it'll be coming in Chapter 22-23. I think it'll start with Dr. Stevenson and Justin, then Justin will take something into his own hands.... *spoiler*!
Thank you so much for your thoughts and continual support; it helps so much to keep the momentum of the story going!
Reviewer: Suse (Anonymous) · Date: August 18, 2009 08:38 AM · On: Scarves
I love the idea of the upset chair. So much easier for Brian to be wrapped in a cocoon when having to tell his most deepest secrets. I think the chapter giving us his point of view from that day would be great. It was always ambiguous whether he was really trying to kill himself or just aiming for that perfect, elusive orgasm. I do have a small problem with the nickname, it is almost too much but that is just my own little opinion. I understand the reasoning behind it, I just can't wrap my head around it. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: I'm so glad that you brought up the chair! It seemed like just the right thing for Brian, and I could really imagine Justin thinking back and jumping into buying one based on his childhood memories.
I'm going to go into the topic of that day with Dr. Stevenson in a couple of chapters (I mean, Brian is!), and I think I'll post my "take" on it at another time, outside of this story.
*blushes* I admit I wonder about the nickname, too. But I couldn't resist, and neither could Justin. I mean, everyone else has a nickname of sorts -- Honeycutt, Theodore, Sunshine, the Professor, Mikey -- Brian needed something other than Asshole.... But...as I said, I know Brian would fight it more. I just couldn't help myself on that one. :)
Reviewer: carlou (Anonymous) · Date: August 18, 2009 04:49 AM · On: Scarves
There is true beauty and love behind the layers of your story as in the painting.
Good work
Author's Response: *has no idea how to respond to such a touching compliment*......................................
Thank you so much! That is just so, so sweet and kind and... *will not get teary. will not get teary....sniffle*
:) Thank you. :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2009 02:17 AM · On: Scarves
i think it was a good interpitation of that episode. who can really say it that's what the writers had meant or if it was only that he wanted to try scarfing and get the orgasim of his life. true though he wasn't happy with his life at that time.
this was a powerful chapter. justin finding out things that he never knew let alone imagined. very difficult for him to take in. the one thing that must be said was that brian never attempted suicide again that we know of.
thank you for putting the email address and phone number at the end of the chapter.
Author's Response: I've always felt that he was deeply unhappy about lots of things at that time -- his birthday, Mikey moving, Justin's prom possibly, and even his concerns that he expressed about his birthday were basically mocked everyone. Anyway, I'm glad this interetation seems possible -- Brian's going to be talking about it to Dr. Stevenson shortly.
You're absolutely right that we never again see any attempt... *confession time* However, I am going to take a little artistic license and put one in between episodes in the next chapter. I hope this won't distrub or anger people too much.
I feel terrible for Justin...it gets worse before it will get better, unfortunately. But it will get better!
Thanks for mentioning the resources; I felt it was the very least I could do for anyone who found themselves feeling as Brian did...
Thank you so much for your thoughts and views on these topics; I love hearing how others view the show and it helps me write better. Thanks so much!
Reviewer: BluvsJ (Anonymous) · Date: August 17, 2009 09:08 PM · On: Scarves
OMG... I think this was completely accurate for 122... It never made sense to me that Brian's "Scarfing" incident was so he could have the "best orgasm of his life".. especially when he always talked about going out in "a blaze of glory ".. I felt so bad for Justin when he blamed himself for never realizing all Brian's attempts at suicide... were screams for help....
Author's Response: I think you're right -- the whole reasons for the scarfing incident never made any sense to me at all... I'm going to try to go into this more in upcoming chapters, because it really is sad that it wasn't taken seriously by Mikey... apparently not even seriously enough to have told anyone out of concern.
Justin is in a pretty bad place.... it'll get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. :)
Thanks so much for your responses and thoughts! They encourage me to go ahead into Chapter 21. :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: August 17, 2009 08:22 PM · On: Scarves
This just flat out works for me and reflects so many of my thoughts about 122. It's beautiful - a tortured, fractured kind of beauty. Definitely angst driven wish fulfillment!
Things that I especially liked? First of all, the disclosure of previous suicide attempts and Dr Stevenson’s response. That was handled so well. Secondly, the fact that entry into this issue started in the previous chapter with the question of what Brian does when alone. I think you mentioned the other day about the “aloneness” aspect of 122 distinguishing it from other typically Brian behaviour and making suicide a valid interpretation? Anyway, I’m in complete agreement with that.
The concept of being “alone” is a repeating theme through the chapters as a whole, really. From Brian’s aloneness as a child to the nightmares in the earlier chapters while alone in the loft and why *now” is different from *then*…the fact that Justin’s return and their closer emotional connection erodes that aloness…that he can only tell Justin when they are squashed up together in a chair and not physically separate. All of that establishes a thematic connection to the scarfing / suicidal ideation, so that raising it in therapy now fits the narrative and doesn’t feel clunky or like a separate issue.
Thank you so, so much for writing this (in case you missed it, I liked it more than a bit). I’d love to see Brian’s POV on that day too, whether as part of this fic or as a one-shot some other time.
Ok, I’ll just be quiet now.
Author's Response: *big smile* I'm so glad that you like the way 122 has played out so far. There's more in the next couple of chapters, so I suspect all your angst-related needs will be well met by the time we get to Chapter 23ish. :)
I'm glad that Dr. Stevenson's handling everything okay, because he's got a road ahead of him yet to get Brian...in a better place with all of this.
You're very insightful on the "aloneness" topic. That is one of Brian's traits that is most striking to me, and also that resonates most with me. I think it plays a huge role in his suicide attempts, as well as his recovery, and even his relationship with Justin.... Sometimes I think about all the days before Justin -- how all those little things like them having dinner together at the loft, or eating ice cream together, or whatever -- were probably the first time Brian ever really had *that* kind of easy togetherness, at home.
*thinking...I have another one of my little fic/drabbles, never posted, where Deb talks to Justin about this topic, after Justin sets up "the rules." Hmm...**
Thank you for your wonderfully thoughtful comments and your support! I hope you'll like the next couple on 122, too. :)
Reviewer: MissMoe (Anonymous) · Date: August 17, 2009 06:42 PM · On: Scarves
*sniff* Just break my heart why don't ya? Darn you and your excellent writing skills. The emotions just pour off the screen. That was a really good (and sad) chapter. I really feel for Justin. Justin and Brian are so emotionally raw. To me the interpretatoin of 122 is very well played, if there was a chapter with his POV, it would be interesting, but not really necessary. All the elements were mentioned and you're even going to delve deeper.This event was a definite pivitol moment in Brian's life because it showed that he is just human, despite what Mikey may say, and that he just hides his insecurities better than most. However, your last line :“Because of you, Justin, my whole world has changed.”, that totally made me smile. Great chapter. I can't wait for your next update. :)
Author's Response: *hands over the Kleenex stolen from Dr. Stevenson's office*. I know, this chapter was sad to write, too. I think the next two will be similarly angsty... I know -- poor Justin!! Things will get better for them, but not for a while yet.
I'm glad that this rendering of 122 seems plausible to you. That scene is so heartbreaking for me... I could never understand at all how Mikey would believe the whole "scarfing for the best orgasm of my life" story. Anyway, I won't go into it all now because it'll be in the next couple chapters.
You make an excellent point -- this is an admittance of weakness by Brian. That is probably part of the reason it's such a difficult topic for him. I will keep that in mind for when Brian is discussing the other attempts.
As for the last line: I had to throw something in there that was the sliver lining on the many, many clouds of this chapter! I'm glad you liked it! :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: August 17, 2009 04:21 PM · On: Scarves
Hmm... I never thought of linking the scarfing with Justin's bashing in that way. I mean the possibility of Brian thinking if he did die from scarfing, then Justin wouldn't have been bashed. That's deep. But it makes sense. I felt like I was watching a horror/suspense movie when the Dr asked Brian about any other previous attempts. I was like "Oh My God..." when I read his reponse "Serious or half-assed?” And I like the Doc's reaction to it. Felt like I just had another great psychology lecture. It really makes sense.
I think this chapter itself has given us a great interpretation of 122. But I would love to read your chapter about Brian's POV on that day.
Mikey. I am not anti-Mikey. But I always thought that Mikey has been a good childhood friend and exactly what Brian needed when they were teenagers. But he lacks the maturity, strength, and intelligence to handle the adult Brian. Justin is the only one in the show that can handle Brian, in my opinion. Ben may be second with similar quality. Deb is a close second but she can get over-dramatic sometimes.
Author's Response: The link with the scarf came to me really suddenly -- it wasn't anything I'd thought a lot about, but as soon as I thought it, it seemed to click into place. I'm glad it seems reasonable, given the somewhat unplanned way I threw it in!
I was sort of hoping for the horror movie effect for that scene....*smiles shyly* so I guess I succeeded. I think to Justin, it is like a horror movie playing out in front of his eyes.
I haven't studied the subject of suicide extensively, and I hoped that Dr. Stevenson's response would be one that cut to the core of the many issues surrounding that topic... thanks very much for your feedback on it.
I feel pretty much the way you do about Mikey I think. I think Mikey did his best, but just doesn't have the right maturity to deal with Brian at that point. I also agree that Ben and Debbie would be better choices... It's sort of interesting that Ben is one of the very few people that Brian's fucked who is actually still in his life.... Anyway, that said, Mikey is in many ways lacking, and has his share of bad character traits.
Thanks very much for your thoughts and reflections on this chapter!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2009 12:59 PM · On: Scarves
I have to just breathe for a second before commenting on this one.
Ok, I'm breathing. This was very emotional. I actually think Michael failed Brian miserably in this, the whole 'you are Brain Kinney for fuck's sake' speach was so much hero worship that it made me sick. He might have saved Brian, but that was more a lucky fluke than anything else (I don't like Michael much, did you know that ;)
I know Brian is difficult to talk to, but he should have tried, should have tried to find out what made him do it, In stead he just went off on him and tried to stroke his ego.
I think the rant is over for now.
I hope they can both get over their guilt about this. Justin for not noticing, and Brian for surviving to 'get Justin bashed'. Those are his thoughts, NOT mine.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter, and no, I don't need to look back at that scene, it's painful enough without. I'd read if you post it, of course, but I don't need it.
As usual, I love this story.
Author's Response: I had to take a few breathers to write it, too...
I think you have many good points on Michael. I personally think Mikey did his best, but he just wasn't...mature enough himself to be what Brian needed at that moment.
The issues of guilt for both of them will possibly get worse before getting better, the way I see it. But maybe not; the chapter's not written yet.
Thanks so much for the comment! I hope you'll like how I handle the "Mikey" part. It'll be either the next chapter or the one after.
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: August 17, 2009 12:13 PM · On: Scarves
Amazing! Have I mentioned how much LOVE this story? I get so causght up in your writng I forget it isn't "real".
Author's Response: *Grins* I'm glad!! That's exactly how this story gets written too -- my forgetting that it isn't real. :) Thanks for loving the story and writing to tell me so! :)
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