I just started reading your story today, and I'm really enjoying it. I like the fact that you are telling the story through Gus' point of view ... and in that instance I think Brian would be talking more because he loves Gus and wants him to understand.

Poor Gus.  All those feelings and nobody is explaining things to him or asking him how he's feeling.  I can not believe how mean Melanie is acting.  Thank goodness Debbie got into the act.  On the other hand I can understand how scary it must have been for Gus.  I'm kind of disappointed in Brian and Justin, they could at least explain to Gus what's going on.  Thank goodness Ben is around to help.  Love the pizza time with Uncle Ted & Blake.

Author's Response:

While I was writing this chapter  I thought that Gus has had too many stressors not to have an outburst. As a little kid my tantrums were much bigger over much smaller things. As for your comments about Brian and Justin, one thing I  think that is often overlooked in fics like mine is that things are actually moving reasonably quickly. So far this fic only covers a few months. In that short time the characters have had to deal with the fact that one of them has had a rapidly emerging alcohol problem, the separation of a marriage, Justin's homecoming, and legal and emotional issues. I think adults sometimes focus so much on protecting kids from one another that they don't notice the kid's emotional state until something happens. That's why it's really great when parents have a support system and  kids can turn to other adults for help and explanations. It takes a village to raise a child.

 Please keep reading and reviewing!!!

Interesting.  I think the story should continue as it is getting good.  However, moving ahead a few years, making  Gus a little older could be interesting.  As children age they start to see the shortcomning in their parents.  Right now the boy sees his world as right and wrong.  It would be interesting to see him live with Justin and Brian. 

Author's Response:

I've have been unable to get a review to update. This is a test

Author's Response:

Your test was successful!! Thank you for making the effort to review, I know fanfiction sites can be a bit confusing to navigate, I'm still working on that myself. Please review future chapters I would love to know what you think of the story.

Wonderful, strong chapter. Love this story and really looking forward to the next chapter. Keep writing ;-)

That must have been a harrowing chapter to write because you have portrayed a frightened Gus perfectly. I look forward to the next chapter

Author's Response:

Great chapter. I hope Gus tells Brian everything Lindsey said to him. Hopefully Gus will be staying with Justin and Brian for a little while until Lindsey gets her act together or loses Gus permenantly. The way she spoke to him is inexcusible, and hitting him because he told her about Justin, well she should not be around Gus until she sobers up.  Look forward to the next chapter. 

 

Author's Response:

Thank you for reviewing the chapter. Custody of Gus will be a huge bone of contention in future chapters. Everyone is going to react to Lindsay's behavior in different ways creating fertile ground for more drama. I'm going to need some time to map out that drama, but please be patient and keep reading and reviewing, thanks!!!

oh my gosh, I soo love your story! I love the way Gus's mind works and of course a protective Brian! Please continnue writing it, A series would be totally awesome. 

My Compliments also on your writing style, it really draws me in, great balance between inner monologue and description of detail that a kid normaly wouldnt pick up.

 

PLEASE Continue.

Good writing, good story, nice handling of Gus' feelings

I just love Gus. He's so cute.

I'm so sad for the way Lindsay is taking and I reaaly hope someone will notice her problem with alcohol before it's too late. Because Brian will never forgive her. I don't think he will accept to risk Gus' life with an alcoholic after what he has endured with his parents.

If Lindsay wasn't so happy about Justin's visit, how will she react when they will tell her he's here for good ? But it doesn't matter, Brian, Justin, Gus and me are happy that Sunshine is back.

Author's Response:

Thank you for reading and reviewing!! Please do the same for the next chapter.

Yes, I think most people think that having some Sunshine in the mix is a good thing :)

What is wrong with Lindsay?  She doesn't seem happy that Justin is coming back.   I don't see her helping the situation with Gus any.  I hope that Brian notices that all is not well with Gus' Mommy and manages to straighten her out. Natalie is the best!!!

Love the way you get into Gus' head and tell this story from his point of view. 

Author's Response:

Thank you for reading and reviewing!! Please do the same for the next chapter. Things with Lindsey will heat up fast. Yeah, Natalie is pretty cool. I had a tutor like her once but I was too immature to appreciate her at the time. Natalie is kind of my belated thank you to my old tutor. Thanks again for letting me know what you think!!

We forget how much children see and hear  and how our values start early framing our kids values. Gus is gradually building his self esteem from Brian and reconising Lindsay's way of dealing with life greta fic thank you hugs Chris

Author's Response:

Hi,

It's taken me so long to reply because I was able to be able to use voice-activated software in order to details reply that I could otherwise.

Thank you for your review and your hug, I really appreciate both :-)

Yes, I definitely think that kids or just people who are sensitive to others tends to notice a lot. It is very true that right now Gus is stuck between two very different styles of parenting. I hope you enjoy the next chapter as well.

*BIG Justin bare hug*

~ Meg

i love the chapter update soon  thanku   kim

Author's Response:

Hi,

Thank you for reading and for sending me the lovely review!!
It's taken me so long to reply because I wanted  to be able to use voice-activated software in order to write without worrying about spelling or time constraints.
I appreciate your  faithful reading and reviewing, thank you!! I am working on the next chapter and I hope to have it posted soon.

~Meg

 

Hi, Meg!  Had an little extra time to finally get caught up on your unique story.  I think you are doing an excellent job of tellng the story from Gus's point of view.  At times there are some words used in his thoughts that he probably would never know (such as 'reinforcement' and diagraph'), but that does not detract from the delightful tale that you are weaving.

I have always adored the relationship between Gus and his father and wished they had highlighted that even more in the show; the transformation on Brian's face whenever he was around his son was a sight to behold, so your effort to portray Brian here as a caring, nurturning father is no doubt one of the reasons why I am enjoying your story.

I really like the way you describe things from Gus's point of view, such as his tutor's nose ring, the learning 'cube' at the library and the chairs there, along with the struggles between his moms among other things.  That extra attention to detail makes the story come much more alive and to me makes it more enjoyable to the reader.  It helps to transport them into the story, which is what I strive to do as well in my own stories.

One thing - if you get a chance, I would go back and try to space out Ch. 8 - I had an extremely hard time keeping my place while I was reading because of it begin spaced together.  I noticed you did not do that in Ch. 9 and that made it so much easier to read and enjoy.:)

And one last note - I have seen Justin mentioned here and there - and loved the idea of naming the bear after him - and I saw one note about him in Pittsburgh.   But I really miss seeing him in the actual story.  Is he going to show up at some point?  To a diehard B & J fan like me, I really miss the interaction between Gus, his dad, AND Justin.  I hope he will make an appearance eventually.

I will be looking forward to seeing where you take your lovely story.:)~Kimberly

Author's Response:

Hi

Thank you for reading my story and for sending me the lovely review!!It's taken me so long to reply because I wanted to be able to usevoice-activated software in order to write a more detailed reply thanI could otherwise.
I am grateful for your attention and appreciation for detail. You mentioned accurately that words like reinforcement' and diagraph are not words a five-year-old typically knows. In that particular part of the chapter I was trying to have Gus repeat what  the tutor says. In the future chapters I think I will use dialogue in similar future  situations.
As for seeing Gus,Brian, and Justin, I strongly suggest you read and review the next chapter :-)
I am truly touched by the fact that you wish to continue reading mystory. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to and read my work.

~Meg

Thanks for another fine chapter. 

 

I did enjoy the interaction between Jake and Gus.  The

language and thoughts are so real.

 

Also, great idea having Gus read the Tortoise and the Hare. Very clever.

 

My one criticism is that it would be easier on the eyes if

you were to leave one blank line between paragraphs. 

After you upload your story, you can then edit it.

 

Anyway, thanks for the chapter.  It will be interesting to

see how Gus adjusts to his new location and school.

 

Thanks again,

DavidR

Author's Response:

I'm so glad you liked the chapter !!

Thank you for the heads up about the following, I will try to fix it in next chapter. Please let me know if I succeed, thanks. I'm still getting used to the writing and the site 's home chapters are a little rough around the edges.

Thank you for reading and reviewing!!!

~ Megawords19

You did it again.  A great chapter.  I hope that Gus adjusts to the move quickly and his new school is going to have the right learning tools he needs to help him.

I just love the way you write as Gus, you keep so true to him.  I'm so glad he has his bears.  Have you ever heard of Reading with dogs, children feel comfortable reading to dogs as they never notice a mistake and are willing to listen without judgement.  

I am totally in love with this story.  What a wonderful idea and you have such talent!  Hugs and Best Wishes for a Merry Christmas.

Author's Response:

I just love this story and was so glad to see an update today.

I am glad that you xplained why Mel is not going aftet Gus.

I am also glad that Gus learning problem did not just disappear but is still being worked on.

I love the writing and the relationship between Gus and Brian. I am so looking forward to reading more

 

Author's Response:

What a nice turn of events.  Lets hope this helps Gus.  

 

I really enjoy your style of writing.  You are doing an excellent job of making Gus tell the story.  A+

Lori

Just like Mel to pack it in when things get tough...hello let's move to Canada because it's safer?!! She is a coward.  And honestly  a kid with an LD as minor as Gus' seems to be will be out of the Special Ed reading class in a year or 2 max.  I hope this means Gus and Lindsey (if she must) will be moving home at some point. Gus needs his dad! And his Justin.

Well...want is going on now? Hopefully the next chapter will tell us more.

This is such a wonderful story.  Your way of making showing us what a child might experience with a learning disability is touching my heart.  The emotions you put into your story just leap right out and grab me.  I can't wait to see what happen next.

Lori

i'm so happy that brian is being there for gus. them making 'justin bear' was so adorable.

wtf? after everything that gus is going through the girls are moving? are they coming back to the pitts? i don't understand that at all.

good job with this chapter. now he'll get the help he needs.

wonderful story told from a kids side, happy Brian took the time to show up and go to arrange the new school"treating" for Gus!

Another great chapter.  I hope Brian can make those bad mommies see reason.  Good thing Gus has such a wonderful daddy.

Lori

:)  Love Gus. He is so cute.  The girls need to get their act together and be there together for Gus.

Author's Response:

Thank you for review!! Please keep reading.

Megawords19

Good chapter, the kind of testing they would do for Gus would be done in the doctor's office-so he was less nervous.  As for Linds and Mel, well they need to get over themselves and help Gus. Brian seems to be doing a great job from a distance, Gus needs to spend some time with his daddy I think.  Anyway great approach to the kids POV.

Author's Response:

Thank you for reviewing, it means a lot!! I'm glad you liked the chapter and Gus' POV. When I got tested as a little kid it was in both hospitals and doctor's offices. Your right I was pretty nervous in those white rooms. My recollections of getting tested are hazy at best. General practices have probably change since then, I was tested many years ago. As for the moms, I agree about the fighting I felt that they should get over themselves during the show. As for the crying though, I am willing to give them a pass. My parents and family were pretty upset when they got the news but they have always been my biggest supporters.

A Great Emotional Gus Story!  Can’t Wait To Read How It Turns Out!

Another good chapter sending us forward from the perspective of Gus in this drama our favorite little boy and what he is dealing with. Thank you for postiing new chapters so quickly. I hoped you would do that.

I placed the photo of Gus up as a banner to use until you might get a better one. Feel free to replace it someday. Only an admin can get into your story's editors and change something or add something, for example I corrected the extra spacing in the chapters for you. We do that often for our writers. It's not your fault, the tinyMCE editors cause it to happen.

Wow. This story is heartbreaking. I am sure I am going to cry my heart out, get upset and angry at one point, but I am going to be here with you the whole ride. You have an amazing story here. I love how it's all through Gus' point of view as well. It's different, but great so far. Keep up the amazing work. Welcome to MW :o)

I thought that the library was magic just like Gus when I was little. Great job!

Oh, poor Gus! I just wanted to hug the little guy. You gave him a very convincing, very compelling voice.

Poor Gus...Hope Brian can help him!

Lindsay differentiates Gus from JR. She clearly prefers "her" son than "Melanie's" daughter.

I agree with Melanie. Why did Lindsay made Melanie come bring JR home if all she had to do was borrow a book at the library ? It takes what, 10 minutes ? Melanie does all she can do to make it work but Lindsay doesn't help her much. Even Gus see the manipulative side of his mommy. It's sad.

I'm sure Brian would take better care of Gus even if Justin isn't there to support him. He would deal between his son and his career without making Gus feel like he's a burden.

The best moments are between Gus and his father. I love them.

Author's Response:

z88;

Hi,

Thank you for your review!!

Please keep reading and reviewing!!

Chapter 3 will be up later today.

I hope you have a great day!!

--Megawords19

I love this story from Gus's perspective. You have to enter the mind of a small boy to feel his emotions and see his thought processes, and how he views the world is unique and real. I will be looking forward to your future chapters hopefully not too long from now.

This story as the same feel to me as "For the Love of Kai".  That story was a learning experience for me and I think this one will be the same.  Don't worry about the small mistakes that might slip through, the story content is what counts.  Looking forward to your updates.

That´s a great beginning. Heartbreaking story and quite real life issue! I wonder why the mothers can´t be supportive if need be. Please go on with this tory, the Gus perspektive is wonderful. Thanks for writing!!

 

Author's Response:

Hi,

Thank you so much for your review, it means a lot this!! I will try to write one more time this week, but it depends on what happens in RL.

I hope you have a great day!!

Megawords19

definitely would like to read more! Continue soon!

Author's Response:

Hi,

Thank you so much for your review, it means a lot this!! I will try to write one more time this week, but it depends on what happens in RL.

I hope you have a great day!!

Megawords19

Well done! A great first chapter from the perspective of a sad little boy. . .

Keep going - it'll be interesting to see the story develop and for you to show your writing skills.

Author's Response:

Hi,

thank you so much for taking the time to review, it means a lot!! I really glad you liked this chapter. Please continue to read and review.

I hope you have a great day!!

Owww. Poor Gus. Let me begin by admitting my deep dislike for Lindsey and Mel, although often its Lindsey I don't like-she was a simppering twat most of the time unless she was manipulating someone for her own good.   I really hope Brian pushes to get Gus some help, soon, the younger he is when he gets reading intervention the better off he'll be. Of course I always want Brian to come in, knock the munchers heads together and take Gus home with him.  

Great start!

 

Author's Response:

Hi,

Thank you for taking the time to review, it means a lot!!
I'm really glad you like Gus. I hope you continue to enjoy and review the story.

 I hope you have a good day!!

Megawords19

 

Oooooooooooooooooooh,please update soon.

I really love your story.

*hug

Author's Response:

Hi,

Thank you for taking the time to review, it means a lot!! *Bearhug back * I love hugs!!
I will trying to write again soon. Thank you for your support.

I hope you have a good day!!

Megawords19

I wanted to yank that damn Max kid and beat him to an inch of his life! Children can be so damn cruel to each other. You have the beginning here of an outstanding story that any girl, mother, or father would be deeply moved to read. When our children hurt we hurt too. And you are never happier than your saddest child. Please update often. I promise to review each chapter to inspire you to go forward. Don't have any doubt if you can write.

Author's Response:

Hi,

Thank you for taking the time to review, it means a lot!!
Your feelings were especially touching. I'm glad Gus and I starting out with such wonderful reader support. Thank you for your commitment to review I won't hold you to it. But every review is greatly appreciated. I hope the future chapters will not disappoint. I hope you have a good day!!

Megawords19

This is a very cute and touching story. I beta'd for you and only found a few minor things to repair. I'll try to beta for you again when I see you post a new chapter if I'm available.

I think you have captured the mind and challenges of a 5 year old boy perfectly and it touched my heart to read this. For your information I have a brother with a severe learning disability and today he's a multi-millionaire and the pride of our family. He couldn't read - but damn he sure knew how to count money.

Thank you for publishing your first story with Whispers. We are very proud to have you with our family of writers. Know that our best authors once started out just like you did today.

Bob, JTSecrets - Senior Admin

Author's Response:

Hi,

Thank you so much for being my first reviewer and such a thoughtful one at that!! I also want to thank you for looking over my story and for giving me such an amazing shout out and adorable banner, I love it!!

Your brother sounds amazing!!

I know I am using in lot of exclamation points, but your review has made me so excited!! I hope you enjoy the future chapters.

Megawords19