Reviewer: Al (Anonymous) · Date: December 30, 2012 09:25 AM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
Wow! I was really into this story. I felt all the emotions. It was amazing how well written this story is that it brings you right into the story. I do have to admit that I did not read the last two chapters, except for the dialog.
Reviewer: Galesgal (Signed) · Date: October 12, 2011 10:50 PM · On: Heartbreaker
Poor baby
Reviewer: lily (Anonymous) · Date: May 02, 2011 02:07 AM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
You'r stories suck big time,your Brian is a pussy bottom and Brian is not a bottom!!!!
Author's Response: You're entitled to your opinion. Personally I don't understand why you'd continue to read stories that you dislike. *shrugs* Oh well. To each his own.
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: March 03, 2010 07:54 AM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
I'm away for several days and I come back to find this story completed. What a nice surprise it was too! Great story. Their emotions both before and after the reunification were so real and raw and stunning. I can't wait to see what you do next. Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!!
Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed the ending -- your description is more than I can ask for!
I just posted a new story, cancer arc, that I think will be pretty long. I look forward to seeing what you'll think of it!
Thanks so much for your support!
Reviewer: rose (Anonymous) · Date: March 02, 2010 01:42 AM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
I can´t!... I can´t loose you again!!! I loved it. great story :-)) rose
Author's Response: Aww, sorry! Well, I did just post a new story (well the first chapter) but it promises to be long! I hope you'll like it, too!
Thanks so much for the review and enthusiasm! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: March 01, 2010 08:16 PM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
What a journey for Brian…it worked really well for the last two chapters to be so physical. Referencing the hustler scene was so clever, too – it creates a wonderful link between Brian’s physical / emotional despair at the beginning of this story and reminds us of just what Justin means to him. Plus, the sex is hot : )
Loved this story immensely – thank you!!!
Author's Response: *smiles* Thanks. I definitely wanted to create that link to show what truly had been missing from the hustler scene that was now present.
Glad the sex was hot, too, but even more glad that you loved the story! :) Thank you for all the lovely feedback!
Reviewer: shimayo (Anonymous) · Date: March 01, 2010 12:43 PM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
Thank you :)
Author's Response: You're quite welcome! Thanks for the review! :)
Reviewer: rowolfluv (Anonymous) · Date: March 01, 2010 06:27 AM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
BTW, I forgot to tell you that I'm a MAJOR Zeppelin fan! I actually saw them live before their drummer died in the 70's! I recently saw Robert Plant in concert at our FOX theater in Detroit and I have to say that he is still sexy and in great voice! Thank you for turning others on to their wonderful music!
Ro
Author's Response: You have NO idea how happy I am that you mention this! *grins* I love using song lyrics (though for the next story, I'm not doing it as much, unfortunately). And Led Zeppelin is my favorite band, and so getting to use so many of their lyrics / songs made this a little extra special to me. I'm glad you enjoyed it! I can only hope it made people look (or listen!) another time to their music! :)
Reviewer: rowolfluv (Anonymous) · Date: March 01, 2010 06:01 AM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
This is the first time I've commented on your writing. Just let me say that I really enjoy your stories. I'm not a large fan of angst, but I know life isn't perfect, even for Brian and Justin! LOL
I really wish more writers would focus on the PTSD that both Brian and Justin suffer from, unlike Cowlip who barely mentioned it. That can be such a factor in people's behavior and responses to other's behavior. I like that you analyze every chapter to gage readers take on your take of the characters.
Didn't mean to get too wordy, but thanks for your intelligent and insightful writing.
Ro
Author's Response: Thank you so much for writing in! I'm sorry I'm so slow in replying to these. I had a really crazy week at work :(!
Thanks so much for your thoughts -- you are absolutely right, I think it's really important to see where readers are... without that, I could be thinking one thing about the story, and everyone else could be totally elsewhere... that would be no good...
Thanks so much for your very kind thoughts! I hope you'll like the new story I just posted -- well, I just posted the first chapter. I think it'll be a pretty long one. :)
Reviewer: feet526@aol.com (Anonymous) · Date: March 01, 2010 04:33 AM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
and a wonderful chapter it was! just loved the story; evoked so much emotion. PLEASE...another story about our boys soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm delighted you liked the story so much. I just posted a new one -- I hope you'll like it, too! :)
Reviewer: Moonshadow Woman (Signed) · Date: March 01, 2010 03:20 AM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
I waited for this to be completed before reading- it was well written and I could see
Brian's reaction to Justin's return -
Author's Response: Thanks so much. The scenes where they're actually talking are my favorite part of the story... although personally I also liked the chapter with the scripted hustler. Thematically, that was an important one. I'm delighted that you enjoyed the story! It turned out a bit differently than I thought it would and I'm relieved that it was still alright. :) Thanks for the feedback!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 11:22 PM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
Wow, this was so hot. I did catch the connection with the hustler, and no, Brian would not ever let a hustler fuck him, not in a million years.
I love how open Brian is, but seeing as he already admited how he felt, hiding the last pieces now would just be stupid, and that's one thing Brian isn't.
I really liked this story, even if I was so scared for Brian in the beginning. You did a great job :D
Author's Response: I think you're right -- he'd already done the hardest part, admitting to his emotions and his emptiness, so this was just another step...maybe even an easier one.
I'm glad it was worth all the angst at the beginning! :) Thank you so much... the story turned out sort of differently than I anticipated, I'm glad you liked it anyway!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 11:19 PM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
okay, now that i picked myself up off the floor.
wow! woman you did good. that was amazing.
Author's Response: *offers a hand to help you off the floor*
Thanks so much!! I wasn't sure about it; not used to writing the sex scenes in 3rd person. I'm glad it worked!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 10:52 PM · On: The Springtime of My Loving
Hope I enjoyed it? How can you ask that! 100% YES YES YES.
The previous chapter was HOT, but this one even HOTTER. I like toppy Justin.
Thanks for writing this beautiful story, finally together.
* hugs *
Hope to see you soon with another heartwarming, heartbreaking, lovely, HOT story
Author's Response: *laughs* Well, I'm glad! I like toppy!Justin too...which is probably very obvious at this point...
Thank you so much -- I'm glad you liked the story! :) You're too sweet!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 06:24 PM · On: Reunited
"!#%/&#&/!¤&%&#¤&%/())(/&%¤"Q#%#%/&
Damn, that was hot, woman!
Author's Response: *grins happily*
Glad you think so!!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 03:10 PM · On: Reunited
That was HOT !!
Hope you will be back with another story soon.
Author's Response: *smiles* Glad you thought so!
I will probably do a couple shorter stories, then a long one, I think...
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 03:09 PM · On: Taking a Chance On Love
Feeling tears in my eyes too, wonderful.
Hmm tender smut! * runs to the next chapter *
Author's Response: Thanks so much. *grins* Yep... :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 11:08 AM · On: Reunited
you certainly do hot sex beautifully.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 10:50 AM · On: Taking a Chance On Love
oh brian, you so deserve this.
Author's Response: He really does, doesn't he? Thanks so much for your support of the story!
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 28, 2010 09:59 AM · On: Reunited
Ah, gotta love that sex those themes :) Reading porn from you on a Sunday is becoming a tradition lol!
Although on a more “serious” note (I know, smut is still serious) I think it works really well to end the story with chapters where Brian and Justin are physically intimate, given the prostitute experimentations of the earlier chapters and the dichotomy between Brian’s physical / emotional isolation. Their verbalized reunification needs the balance of sex *nods*
Author's Response: It is getting to be a tradition, isn't it... Hmmm. Well, I guess I have a fair amount of Sunday traditions / routines already, what's one more? :)
Yes... You're so right about the...themes... Yes.... The themes. You always understand the themes, which is good, since they're buried in smut. Tender smut, as I said, but smut....! *grins*
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 28, 2010 08:59 AM · On: Taking a Chance On Love
Okay, so I should be at the office but instead here I am!
This is Brian taking a chance on love in a positive, life affirming way rather than the rubbish that was the marriage proposal in season 5. Now if only Cowlip had employed you as a writer…I like the resolution between Justin and Brian here very much.
*clears throat and widens eyes innocently* Did you mention er, porn by any chance? I think Brian will take much comfort from said physical intimacy. ‘Cause really, my only interest is thematic development and Brian’s emotional rejuvenation. It’s got nothing at all to do with the fact you write hot B/J sex *grins cheekily*
Author's Response: Well, I for one am glad you're here and not at the office! ;)
I think this really is the taking a chance moment -- in S5 he was taking a chance on trying to change himself, and that's not really love.
I wish I would've been employed as a writer there, too.... Particularly since that would presumably include getting to know Gale... getting to write outfits for Gale... getting to hear my words in his gorgeous voice... and seeing the NC-17 scenes played out! They wouldn't even have had to PAY me. At all. I'd have been like "Where do I sign? No pay? Whatever. Gale's there? I can talk to the wardrobe people? Really? And script the love scenes? Nope. No pay required. I'm fine, thank you very much... I'll just be... sitting over there.... with a paper, a pen and um, a camera.....!!!!! LOL
One more chapter coming, too, that actually does pick up on themes slightly. Which is the reason I wrote it. Yeah. The only reason I wrote it... That's... right. That sounds.... good..... LOL
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 08:25 AM · On: Taking a Chance On Love
Yeah, dangerous is a good word, if it doesn't work, Brian could spiral out of control, beyond help.
I'm so glad he is taking the chance on love, he deserves to be happy :)
I'm looking forward to the porn ;) is that going to be the end of the story?
Author's Response: I'm glad he's taking the chance, too. And this does show why it really is a chance, a risk. I wanted to emphasize that because in a way I think it is moreso for Brian than for Justin, perhaps because I think Justin is the first *and only* love Brian's ever really known...
I hope you won't be disappointed! I thought, well, it's been 20 chapters and they've hardly touched each other, yet it's rated NC-18 and I have to be fair to all my wonderful readers, sooooo....if I have to, I have to!!! *grins*
*takes a deep breath* I think that will end the story. I know there are other places I could take it, but in my mind, it's a reunification story that is meant to give them a deeper understanding with which to restart their relationship. I guess I've never seen the story as going a lot past that, and when I try to think of how the rest would go, my mind sort of dead-ends. I will consider an epilogue, but even that has my brain slightly numb!
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 08:00 AM · On: Taking a Chance On Love
Oh wow all this and pur porn too??!! (Did I die and go to heaven and noone told me?) wonderful fic wonderful writer!! :)
Author's Response: *grins*
Well, this is a B/J fic, and I did rate it NC-18, then I've made people go 20 chapters with nary any physical contact between them! So I figure I owe quite a bit!
Well -- it's pure, but it has some underlying meaning as well, which I hope will be clear. I'll post the next chapter very soon and the one afterward fairly shortly thereafter.
Thanks so much for your kind words and enthusiasm!
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 07:52 AM · On: Enough for Me
Happy tears!! But now I'm off to read the next ep . . . can't stop! :)
Author's Response: *grins* I'm posting two more -- one very soon, the next one I guess in the morning or something. I hope you'll love them all. :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 27, 2010 08:58 PM · On: Enough for Me
I am in love with this chapter. Completely smitten. This is the moment where Justin truly has to “see” Brian as he is (not the illusionary Brian he wants or thinks Brian has the potential to become) and ask himself “is this what I want”. It’s the moment they should have had in canon, to avoid the problems and dissatisfaction that arise in season 5 when Justin returns from LA; when he says to Brian in ep. 506 “when I came back and you said the offer still stands and I put my stuff here I was hoping it meant we were finally going to be a real couple, like Michael and Ben. One day we might have things they have”.
Justin’s statement that he “knows” Brian and what to expect from him now seem genuine, rather than a slick reunification line or something which implies that Justin is willing to try and compromise what he wants with the limitations he sees Brian as representing. In turn, I think Justin’s ability to take that step is made possible by the security Brian’s words give him. The verbal articulation of Brian’s emotions are something Justin can more easily understand than purely physical demonstrations, and they give him the strength of knowing just what he means to Brian. That he’s valued as someone unique and special too. Excellent writing!
Author's Response: I am pretty much banking on the idea that, because of what they've shared here, they won't end up at that place in S5. I'm hoping that all of that would be diverted and maybe even more communication could go on as various canon events take place (though I don't plan on addressing them all in this fic).
It's kind of crazy how much Justin thinks he's missing compared to Michael and Ben. I know it probably seems / feels like a lot, but if you really made an enumerated list, how much would be there?
I like your concept of the words giving Justin comfort. I think that's so true. And so far, Brian has deliberately protected himself from physical comfort, has deprived himself of it. As you'll see, I remedy this for two chapters.... particularly in the last one....
I'm delighted that you're smitten with this chapter. It seems like the ones I'm most insecure about are the ones you end up liking best!
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: February 27, 2010 07:34 PM · On: Enough for Me
One thing that strikes me as I read this chapter. Is it possible to promise someone that "you won't lose me again" and "you will always be enough for me"? I am thinking... Justin is still fairly young. How can he be so sure? Even after Ethan, how can he be so sure? (I am thinking about all the stuff that happens in S4 and S5)
Perhaps I am just getting a bit sentimental today. I was fairly down today and thought I would go see a movie to cheer me up. Bad idea. I went to see "Up In the Air". Seeing how hurt and lonely Clooney's character was really made me wonder what makes we trust another? If by taking a chance to love and to be loved may in the end lead to hurt, what will be needed to push us to take a brave step to try?
Author's Response: It's true. It's such a risk, as I try to address in the following chapter. I guess the fact that the risk is still taken so often and by so many must mean that at some level it's worth it, though nothing ever lasts forever. :(
As for the S4 - S5 canon events. .Well -- either the communication they've shared will prevent that because now Justin knows that he is unique in Brian's life if not in a unique position in his sex life (well even there he is, but you know what I mean). And Brian now presumably will be a little more grateful and appreciative of what they have... That's my idea anyhow!
I hope you'll enjoy the next few chapters! Oh, and thanks for the heads up on the movie. I uh am quite a fan of Mr. Clooney so I was sort of planning see it, and now I'll know to be a little careful! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2010 06:51 PM · On: Enough for Me
I feel like Brian, it was good that Justin took his time to really think about it, to really see inside himself if what Brian has to offer was really enough for him.
What Justin said about wanting Brian only if he changed, meant not wanting the real Brian is true, and I hope he really feels that way.
Now I hope Brian believes him and takes him back, they still have some work cut out for them, but I think they can do it, if they do it together.
Wonderful chapter and I'm looking forward to the next one.
Author's Response: I think Justin does now feel that way -- I hope he does! He tells me he does! ;)
I don't know if I'll end up showing everything that they have to work through. The main goal, in my mind, was to get them back together with some understanding of what they mean to each other. I have also been unable to imagine Brian telling him what actually went on at the loft while he was gone. I don't know what circumstances would drag S3 Brian into admitting that...
Thanks so much for your thoughts! :) :)
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 27, 2010 04:34 PM · On: Enough for Me
I need you to keep going, still more unanswered questions in my head. Fabulous. x
Author's Response: I'm not sure if every question will be answered -- but hopefully enough will be! Thanks so much for your thoughts!!!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2010 02:36 PM · On: Enough for Me
* sighs * beautiful
Author's Response: Thank you!!!!!!!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2010 11:41 AM · On: Enough for Me
'take me as i am not how you want me to be.' that seems to be fine with justin because whether brian tricks or his doesn't, his tricks don't have his love, his heart. justin does and he always will.
Author's Response: Exactly -- Justin realized what was most important, and so did Brian! Finally!! :) Thanks so much!! :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2010 05:11 PM · On: Don't Touch Me
Clever, clever, clever writing! It is you that inspires us to think and encourage that kind of insight! Brilliant question! What will the answer be? Off to find out! :)
Author's Response: *smiles* Thanks so much! The questions reviewers have posed have been a huge help to the story. I hope I can address at least most before the story is over! Thanks so much!
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 24, 2010 05:24 PM · On: Don't Touch Me
Loving this. Justin’s question about what he means to Brian goes to the heart of what I see as his dissatisfaction and insecurity in their relationship. It’s not necessarily the lack of monogamy, but rather what he understands it mean: an absence of commitment or love. Monogamy as signifier of being valued and “in a relationship”. In turn, Brian’s statement “Don’t touch me” is such a powerful thing given his predilection for communication through physicality (alliteration must be contagious!). Can’t wait to see if Justin continues on his insightful path to reunification.
Author's Response: Hmmmm.... wow, I made you call Justin insightful!! *laughs with evil smile*
I think that Justin's question is interesting for how much it balances Brian's. He's saying, "How long will you want me?" in some sense, and Justin is saying, "Why do you want me?" i wonder....*eyes light up with a possible idea*....I wonder how much would be gained by a question reversal...... *big grin*!!
Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2010 02:25 PM · On: Don't Touch Me
Aggrrr this chapter is too short. I'm so hooked to your stories, please more.
* hugs *
Author's Response: Sorry -- just posted the next one! :)
*hugs* :)
Reviewer: shimayo (Anonymous) · Date: February 24, 2010 12:27 PM · On: Don't Touch Me
More, please, you left me on fire. :)
Author's Response: Posting as fast as I can! *dumps water on fire!* :)
Thanks for the review!
Reviewer: sara (Anonymous) · Date: February 24, 2010 11:55 AM · On: Don't Touch Me
i think that's the question that justin needs answered - and that brian needs to acknowledge as being of importance. this is a good story - I'm really enjoying it, and I hope that you update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that the question rang true -- I'm trying to post about a chapter a day, and I should be done around Friday/Saturday, I think. Thanks so much for the feedback! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2010 10:14 AM · On: Don't Touch Me
would touching brian make brian give in? to what justin or what he feels for him? i don't like seeing them so apart while there together. it is painful. if brian were to send him away while both thinking of their answers would that be better or worse?
i think the feeling that brian isn't understanding is love. he's afraid of it and what it can do.
Author's Response: I love your questions! That's exactly the sort of thing I was hoping everyone would be asking! And not that there'll be definite answers, but it makes me so happy! :) *grins*
I think you hit it on the head -- he doesn't really recognize the feeling of love, and it does seem to scare him a lot!
Thanks so much for the wonderful feedback! :)
Reviewer: Michele (Anonymous) · Date: February 24, 2010 07:20 AM · On: Heartbreaker
This is my first review ever on this site. I love your stories and anxiously await each new chapter. Story idea for you because I think you could do justice to it- Brian's cancer arc. I thought that on the show it was handled really poorly. In one episode he has cancer and then the next he's almost fully recovered. I thought that his reaction to Justin knowing and kicking him out was over the top to where they had gotten to in their relationship at that point. Any way just an idea. I hope you post another chapter soon and they really get down to what both of them want and need from each other.
Author's Response: Thank you so much -- it's an honor to get your first review! I have thought about doing a cancer arc story; if I think I can do a decent job of the medical side, I'll probably try it sometime. Thanks so much for the idea and your vote of confidence! :) Thanks so much for writing in! :)
Reviewer: templeton_ma (Anonymous) · Date: February 23, 2010 08:12 PM · On: Until You Really Know
Hi Tiffany, I am starting to read your other story now. Sorry for the slow start. Although as you said, this Brian can be a bit OOC, I sure can see the justification of it. I always wonder about the issue that you brought up. True that in S3 we saw a couple of incidents that show Brian and Justin still care deeply about each other and they want each other. But I also have this voice in the back of my head thinking Brian took Justin back too easily, especially seeing how hurt Brian was after Justin left. I love the way you interpret "I can't". Justin in this story seems a bit immature. But what can we really expect from a teenager sometimes? He needs time to grow up. And Vic. Bless him. I always find him to be one of the most insightful and caring characters in the show. Looking forward to seeing how this story will lead us.
PS. I just received news. They want to do a 3rd interview. I really need to make sure I don't mess this one up.
Author's Response: Trying to capture Justin in this story has been a challenge, because in some ways I started to see his whole approach to Brian in the office as rather immature. Coming in as though going back would be simple for them both and all -- I don't know. I understand not wanting to make a scene of it, that doing so might turn Brian off, but still, it shows little concern for Brian's other possibly feelings. As you say, he's still quite young and has lots of growing up to do. I really loved writing Vic, although it was challenging in some ways. He is a great character and has a lot to offer Brian, I think.
I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! I'm glad to have you along. Congratulations on the third interview! Wow, even if you don't get that job, at least you know things are going in a positive direction and you're quite competitive! Best of luck!! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 23, 2010 05:25 PM · On: Until You Really Know
So many things to love about this chapter! I think Brian’s question of “how long” sums up the issue perfectly. There is a definite pattern to their canon relationship where Justin commits before gradually becoming dissatisfied and leaving…again…and again. Which is not to say he’s disingenuous about what he wants at the time (or in this chapter, as Brian notes). But I think Justin romanticizes being with Brian in much the same way he did with Ethan; it’s all beautiful and exciting until reality kicks back in and the day-to-day grind of what it means to be with Brian reasserts itself. Because honestly, it’s not like a non-relationship with Brian would be a walk in the park; turning it into a fairytale adventure isn’t going to help matters much. Taking the time and space to truly think about what Brian is and what he isn’t can only be a good thing.
Now that said: I’m on the fence about whether Brian giving Justin that space is really all about wanting what’s best for Justin. I think it also speaks to Brian’s fear and confusion about emotional connections and not wanting to feel anything at all. It’s very clear that Justin’s presence forces Brian to feel, whether those emotions are positive or not. So I wonder how much of Brian is continuing to adopt the “pre-Justin” promiscuous persona because it’s safer than trying to change or acknowledging to Justin that he in some ways he already has.
Author's Response: I think that was a huge moment -- that finally cut to what he was really thinking about. How long until this happens to me again, he's thinking!
It's about what's best for Justin in this sense, as I see it. Brian does want what's best for Justin, and moreover, if he's not that person, then he'll be terribly hurt again. That's the part Brian does not want to say...
That's an interesting idea about how Brian might be reverting in some sense as denial of the changes he has undergone. I get the feeling personally that it's true in a way: Brian has changed in that he wants a relationship. Whether he wants a *monogamous* relationship is another matter, as yet unresolved, I think.
Thanks so much, as always, for your insights! :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2010 05:12 PM · On: Until You Really Know
But I wanna know now !! hihi.
I love this story, thanks for writing * hugs *
Author's Response: *smiles* I'm posting as fast as I can!! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2010 03:26 PM · On: Until You Really Know
Wow, Brian finally said the one thing that might get Justin to understand how deeply he feels, that he wants Justin to be happy and that he's afraid he'll never be the one to do that for him.
I think Justin has to think really long and hard if it's going to be enough for him; if Brian is going to be enough for him, without monogamy.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter of this, and Justin's answer.
Author's Response: I think it's true -- he does want Justin to be happy and that's part of the issue. The other part is that if he isn't that person, Justin will leave him again, and that's something he doesn't think he can handle again at all. Thanks so much for your feedback!!!
Reviewer: TrinTiff (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2010 09:14 AM · On: Until You Really Know
Wow, I just found this story! I really like it! I think in this chap. Justin is starting to understand how much Brian actially loves him; and how much it's hurting Brian to accept this about himself, that he might not ever be able to stop tricking for Justin.
God, it all so beautifully heartbreaking! Are you SURE they'll be back together? Otherwise I don't think I will be able to stand it! :-D
Hugs, Cindy
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear you're liking this story, too. Brian is struggling through so much -- he does think that Justin will end up unhappy and leaving again. And he doesn't think he can handle that again.
Yes, there'll be a chapter where they're getting back together! :)
Hugs back!,
Tiffany
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2010 07:58 AM · On: Until You Really Know
brian thinks he's doing justin a favor but what about himself? what does he want. haven't heard that yet. what does brian kinney want? what will make him happy?
Author's Response: It's true -- it's so hard for him to say what he wants. Eventually hopefully he get there! :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2010 09:45 PM · On: Past the Doorway
I kept wanting to give fb about Justin's voice and Brian's reaction etc but I just couldn't help but read on! Then I thought how amazing - this is all basically happening inside their heads and hearts and yet it is totally riveting reading! True brilliance - no flashy sex scenes, no action-packed scenes just gut wrenching emotions laid out for us! BTW I do think it runs true to their characters or else it would not be so gripping as we wouldn't believe the reactions! Fantastic fic! Love it and crave more!! (Oh yeah and this has to be fixed!!! LOL!) :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! It means a lot to know that the story is interesting for its plot (which is quite bland at first glance). Thank you so much! I'm behind on the reviews but getting caught up. A chapter a day has gone okay -- at this rate, I expect to be done around Friday / Saturday. :) I really appreciate the feedback! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 22, 2010 07:58 PM · On: Past the Doorway
I very much like Justin’s thought’s that he’s meeting Brian for the first time or meeting an entirely different Brian. It’s true in the sense that the realisations Brian reached as a consequence of his prostitute experiments have changed him. Yet at the same time, it’s arguable that the more emotional aspects of Brian were present before Justin left as well. Just not expressed in a form Justin could (or would) understand. I think that’s a large part of Brian’s inability to say “yes”. It’s not necessarily the “I don’t believe in love or romance” mantra but more that he showed Justin affection in the only way he knew how, and simply doesn’t have anything left to “say” or that he believes Justin will hear.
So both Brian and Justin are right: “something” did happen while they were apart but at the same time nothing has changed. The hesitation Brian shows in allowing Justin into the loft is also really nice. It’s clear from the earlier chapters that Brian has begun thinking about Justin’s presence in the loft in a very domestic way. It represents companionship and closeness rather than just sex…so it must be quite challenging to have him in the loft again. Justin’s own discomfort indicates he’s aware of that tension on some level, even if he still doesn’t understand why.
Author's Response: I was thinking about it as a different Brian in the sense that Brian had been more direct about something he wanted / didn't want... Like he was expressing something essential about himself for the first time, and it was deeply unfamiliar. This makes sense with what you've said because it was those experiences that lead him to finally being able to come out and refuse Justin's offer....
I agree -- I see it that way too. He's not saying, "I can't take you back because that's a romantic gesture" or whatever. He's assuming that he'll be left again because he hasn't changed (maybe he's realized more about himself and how things have truly been for some time) but what he can give, and the way he can give it, have not changed. So he thinks Justin'll leave again, and he does not think that loss is something he would survive a second time.
As you say -- what has changed is a very delicate subject. Even if emotions haven't changed, awareness of them has.... And yes -- Justin is quite uncomfortable, and surprised to be such. It's important that he feels this way, I think, because it contradicts Brian's "lies" in some sense (as many of his visitors just let circumstances silently prove Brian's claims wrong in previous chapters).
Thanks as always!!!!!!
:)
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 22, 2010 06:28 AM · On: Past the Doorway
yahh! Finally talking, lets hope they have both learnt to listen. Justin needs to know how his descision to leave almost destroyed Brian, but will Brians pride let him tell him.
Can't wait to see how you feel this will play out.
Author's Response: It's been such a difficult balance between what Brian "needs to say" and what he would actually say in the show. Now, i think some of his experiences in the story sort of would suggest either that a) he's sort of worn down at this point, pride-wise, or b) he'd be more hardened than ever! So yeah -- it hasn't been an easy balance at all... I hope it ends up alright! Thanks for y our thoughts!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2010 02:08 AM · On: Past the Doorway
Wow, finally they are getting somewhere.
I feel for Brian, it has to be painful to have to do it all again; it was tough enought the first time.
Maybe Brian will believe or at least begin to have a little hope that Justin might want the same things that he does; at least enough to talk to him about it.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter and Brian's reaction :)
Author's Response: It's a wonder how often they do want a lot of the same things, but still manage to "miss" each other. I think you're right that in some ways, this is the first step to finally getting a little closer to each other in that sense. Thanks so much! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2010 12:38 AM · On: Past the Doorway
brian has to take a stand. either he wants him or he doesn't but either way he has to be honest. let justin know exactly what he did to him and how he felt. even if he doesn't take justin back he owes himself that much.
Author's Response: I think you're right -- he should eventually say what actually transpired while Justin was with Ethan. It's so hard for him to communicate, but it would definitely help so much. Thanks for your thoughts on the story! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 21, 2010 07:16 PM · On: You'll Have To Hear It
First of all, I thought your Daphne (and her interactions with Justin) were perfectly IC. She always had that super-excited, bouncy quality she shows in this chapter. The shifts in emotion Justin undergoes flow really well too; from confusion and loss to excitement and back to the quietness of Vic and Debbie’s house. I wanted to cheer when Debbie says “good for him”…seriously. In canon Debbie always struck me as much more sympathetic to Justin’s needs than Brian’s; I get that she was influenced by a concern for Michael but at the same time…having your replacement mother choose someone she’s known for a relatively short time over you, when she’s known you since the age of 14, has to hurt.
Finally, Vic’s statement that “you have to hear it from him” is such a complex idea given Brian’s struggle to verbalise his feelings. In as much as Justin says believes he knows what to expect from Brian, that he “gets what he is”, I wonder if he’ll truly be able to “hear” what Brian tries to tell him. Understanding the difference between “can’t” and “won’t” is certainly like a step in the right direction. Very much looking forward to the next chapter :) :)
Author's Response: I am really excited that Justin's emotions seemed natural in that scene -- it felt a little rushed, but for the sake of the story, necessary to move the plot along, so I'm glad it fit in with the rest.
I'm glad Debbie stuck up for him too -- too bad Brian wasn't there to hear it. Plus it had the added "shock value" for Justin to open his eyes a little...
I know -- "hearing it" from Brian involves the central difficulty they're in: Brian talking and Justin listening. But as you say, slow progress is being made. Baby steps! :) I'm really looking forward to seeing what you think of their dialog in the next chapter. :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 21, 2010 06:44 PM · On: I Can't
I love the way Brian and Justin variously use the way “can’t” in this chapter. Brian can’t take Justin back and Justin can’t let Brian go – can’t implying that they’re each incapable of anything else. There’s something both tragic and beautiful in that image; it seems to go to the heart of their canon relationship really, the endless dance they do with and around each other. Both pushing at each other just as hard and the words getting squashed somewhere the middle between them.
Author's Response: As usual, you have an excellent point. After receiving your reviews -- trying to get myself back into "Heartbreaker headspace" (or to wade back into the Heartbreaker river...), I re-read the whole story. And this point of yours stuck with me, particularly in this chapter. The contrasts between "can't" "won't" "don't" "wouldn't" "couldn't" is sort of what the whole story seems to be hinging upon, in a way. The next chapter sees this dance continue...
:) Thanks so much for the marvelous insight and theme-finding! :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 02:23 AM · On: You'll Have To Hear It
agrrrr and now I've to wait patiently ... hurry up ... * grins *
Author's Response: *grins* Okay, I hurried! *grins* I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter, and I promise the chapters will come quickly now. :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 02:13 AM · On: I Can't
this was heartbreaking for the both of them
Author's Response: It definitely was... I think this is the most correctly-titled story I've ever written! Thanks for reading! :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 02:04 AM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
NO !! pfff
* goes quickly to the next chapter *
Author's Response: *smiles*
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: February 18, 2010 01:26 AM · On: You'll Have To Hear It
Daphne was definately herself no worries there. I'm so glad that Brian is reflecting on himself and growing in your version of their reunification but as much as I love that I'm looking forward even more to Justin doing the same. I always felt that Justin's growth in that area on the show was greatly lacking. Looking forward to the next installment.
Author's Response: Both Brian and Justin will have a lot of growing up to do, if they can ever communicate well enough with each other to say what needs to be said! (and they will, eventually). I agree that Justin often seems not to grow but rather to be sort of stuck in certain patterns on the show. Of course, maybe that's reflective of some people in real life, but it's not that satisfying to watch!
I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2010 08:15 PM · On: You'll Have To Hear It
Well, you wrote Daphne just right, she is a very bubbly girl and bouncing up and down is very IC for her :)
I'm gadl Justin went to Deb's for help, it might get him thinking and pushing Brian a little more. If he wants answers and he really wants a real relationship with Brian he'll have to change his attitude.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: You're so right -- it is his attitude that needs some change, because it seems like he doesn't even take the topic seriously at this point. But he definitely will be soon. Thanks so much for the feedback about Daphne -- it's always a little challenging to write for a new character and I'm happy that it worked out!
The next chapter is finally posted; it took a while because of finishing Why Not With Me, but now I'm back to this!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2010 12:54 PM · On: You'll Have To Hear It
i don't know how will justin be able handle the fact that brian fell into such downward spiral of desperation without feeling so guilty that evenything from here on out would be built on that.
i'm glad debbie didn't let him off the hook.
daphne loved brian as much as she hated the fiddler and i think she should have been proud of him for turning justin down. i'm sure she could imagine how badly brian was hurt.
anxiously waiting the next chapter to see what happens.
Author's Response: You have good point about Daphne; definitely she might've said more.
It will be interesting to see how Justin reacts if / when he learns what has been going on with Brian while he's been away...
Thanks so much for the feedback; I finally posted the next chapter! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2010 10:36 AM · On: I Can't
ok i know where brian is coming from and it seems justin is missing it. he was thinking of what ethan did to him not what he did to brian and how it made brian feel. he thought it would be so easy for him to just waltz back into brian's life. time to face reality.
what i don't understand, which is strange for me because i always want brian and justin together, but if as you say they still have alot of talking to do myu question is why. shouldn't brian's no mean no?
Author's Response: That's an interesting question. Maybe his no could mean no... If I wasn't a little scared of the backlash of such an ending, I guess I could have stopped there! *grins* Actually, honestly, I like that idea in many ways -- but I want to get into their arguments a little, too!
No, seriously, you're right. He could just say, "no" and that's it. For the purposes of this story, though, Justin is going to fight for him, and try to figure out why Brian would be turning him down, and try to get Brian back. Justin doesn't ever seem to give up easily, and in this case, we need his persistence. Unfortunately, as you say, he is presently rather clueless about just what he did to Brian. Brian is going to have to learn to do something to indicate this, and then they'll finally be communicating with one another.
Now I sort of regret not ending it with his "no"! *sighs* *regrets trying to get them back toward canon*
But I hope I can make the journey worthwhile anyway. Regardless of outcome, Brian deserves to have his feelings known and Justin needs to learn a little about the consequences of his actions. And they definitely will get there!
Thanks so much for your thoughts!! I do like your idea a lot!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 05:34 AM · On: I Can't
I see you are still missing the point....oh well
Author's Response: I guess I am. I thought the point was that you don't like my characterizations of Brian and Justin, and apparently you feel they are too effeminate, that I don't write them as men.
Which is fine, that's a legitimate concern and criticism.
Reviewer: linda (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 05:26 AM · On: I Can't
justin has to work harder, hopefully things will work out just don't take 15 more chapters for it to happen pleeeeease. i think you write justin just fine.
Author's Response: He will work harder -- both of them will! I'm glad Justin turned out alright!
I don't know how long it'll take... at least five more chapters, minimally. Minimally... Sorry about that... !
Thanks for sticking with it!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2010 05:04 AM · On: I Can't
I can just feel how hard it is for Brian to turn him down, but he really does feel that he is nothing more than a fall back plan for the man he loves to insanity, litterally.
I'm glad Justin isn't going to give up, but mostly for Brian's sake, he needs love in his life, and the only one he will ever let in that far is Justin, even if it did hurt the first time around.
My fondest hope is that Justin goes home and really think about what he wants and why Brian might have turned him down.
I'm so looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: *grins*
You must be psychic, because I'm writing the next chapter right now and Justin is sitting at Daphne's having a little chat. *grins again*
It was definitely killing Brian to turn Justin away, but at this point he thinks a) he'll end up hurt again (and maybe not survive the heartbreak) and b) that he really will not be making Justin happy in the long run anyway. So he did it, but it hurt...
I'll post the next chapter fairly soon. :) Thanks so much for your support and feedback about the story! :)
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 17, 2010 04:53 AM · On: I Can't
I'm not trying to be mean but that really suck....try to feel and become one with the person you are writing about at that moment, also a lot of women writers think they know how men think the same with men writer and most of the time they off base. Gay men are still men and they think like men the same with women. Think about it??????????
Author's Response: I'm sorry that the characterization seems off to you. It seems like a common problem you've had with authors who write for the opposite gender, which must be pretty frustrating (or at least, you seem frustrated about it now). Perhaps you would enjoy other stories better than mine, which is understandable. I hope you can find some you like (maybe you should stick to those who write for their gender?).
Anyway, thanks for your thoughts!
Reviewer: Anwamane13 (Anonymous) · Date: February 16, 2010 10:14 AM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
I loved this chapter. As much as I always wanted to see Brian and Justin together, IMO, Brian took Justin back too easily and they never discussed anything. That was so wrong, and because of their lack of dialogue, Justin left him again and again. Now in this chapter, Brian just said what I wanted him to say: No. For them to be together, Justin and Brian talk and realize what they mean to each other.
Great Chapter!
Author's Response: Exactly! That is precisely what I am trying to remedy. They have a lot of talking (and learning how to talk) before they'll get there, but eventually they will. Thanks so much for your thoughts and I'm delighted that you enjoyed this interpretation. :)
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 15, 2010 10:05 PM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
Glad The Fiddlers gone. Strangely glad that Brian has said no.
Now maybe Justin will finally realise that Brian had invested everything he had into their non-relationship, and wake up to how much he hurt him.
Author's Response: That is definitely on the agenda... Once they can begin communicating, it's imperative that Brian can communicate to Justin what that break up meant for him. And Justin is going to have to decide seriously whether what he wants/needs/expects has changed or if it has not... and prove it, somehow!
Thanks so much for your supportive comments! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 15, 2010 07:08 PM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
I am in love with this chapter!
The use and interpretation of canon dialogue is so, so good and the flat “no” at the end is just… *sighs happily* I have such a love / hate relationship with the reunification arc. On the one hand, the final scene in 308 is probably one of the best scenes of the entire series (which is saying a lot!) but on the other, I share a lot of your / Brian’s reservations about the fact that nothing has been really been resolved. The doubts Brian has in this chapter also seem justified given season 5 and the fact that what Justin wants (romance, marriage etc) doesn’t actually seem to change despite his assurances that he “knows what to expect” from Brian in the future. It feels like there’s a pattern through the series of Justin committing, only to become dissatisfied and passive-aggressive as the reality of Brian’s worldview and its limitations reassert themselves. So for me, Brian drawing a line and saying “no” can only strengthen their relationship in the long run. Rather than simply leaving it up to Justin about “where he wants to be”, Brian is actually telling Justin what he wants and setting boundaries. In a weird way it shows that he cares about Justin more than if he just allowed himself to be carried along and remain apparently unaffected by Justin’s decisions. I also think that, deep down, Justin wants Brian to be engaged in their relationship in just that way, in the same way he is / will be. Although Justin probably doesn’t see it quite that way at the moment!!
Author's Response: I'd always liked 308 as it was...and I wrote "Taking Him Back," to try to dig into that scene. Then, when I started this story, things started to change. Writing so much about Brian's pain and his loss suddenly made 308 seem rather ludicrous... Your characterization of Brian as passive is so apt. He encourages Justin to "grow some balls" in 308, yet he himself does not really stand up for himself much...
Not that being with Justin isn't in his best interest... but protecting himself from a repeat of the "Ian fiasco" is necessary. For his own sake, he has to learn to be cautious and assertive... Drawing a line, as you suggest, does involve him in their relationship in a way he never has been before, and that step is going to take some getting used to for him. Expressing himself, his fears, needs and so on is not easy, but at least this is a start. And I love the idea that it will give them some degree of guidance and care.
Thanks so much (as always) for the thoughtful ideas ane reviews!:)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 15, 2010 06:40 PM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
Wow, that was unexpected. I wonder how Justin is going to react to that little 'no'. I'm betting not well. I hope he realizes why Brian says no, and fights, really fights for what he wants, and accepts what Brian can give him.
This was a great chapter and I'm so happy to see the fiddler finally gone!
Author's Response: I'm perversely glad that it was unexpected; I was wondering if I could hang on to readers after a plot twist like that.
Justin doesn't know what to do -- as you'll see in Ch. 13. Things between them escalate for a few chapters as they eventually begin to communicate and the issues you mention can come to the table.
I'm glad Ethan's gone, too. I don't like writing for him much at all -- I don't feel like I know where to go with his character at all, so one scene was plenty for me!
Thanks so much for your support! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 15, 2010 06:27 PM · On: Our Separate Ways
Well, you know my thoughts about whether this chapter was IC and consistent with canon or not :) :) The use of present tense works really well. I think it gives Brian’s reaction on seeing Justin & Ethan a sense of immediacy and makes it quite visceral. In fact there’s a nice play between the characters’ physical and psychological interactions in this chapter generally. For example the line “nothing in his reaction betrays the sharpness of his pain”. Now while that most likely refers to Brian’s emotional response, given that it follows straight on from having coffee spilt on him it could also potentially reference physical pain. And the dynamic between Brian’s physical / psychological pain takes us back to the wider themes of the story. The other part I adored was the emphasis on hands. It recalls the episode where Justin returns Brian’s bracelet but also, of course, Brian touching Justin’s hand after the bashing and their history together. I don’t know, maybe I’m just strange (!) but there seems something very “canon” and intimate about Brian and Justin touching each other’s hands. Which makes the final scene between Justin and Ethan, with both of their hands resting on the coffee cup together and Ethan’s other hand on Justin’s leg, seem all the worse….loved this chapter :)
Reviewer: Shimayo (Anonymous) · Date: February 15, 2010 04:09 PM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
Luckily you warned that they will end up together because at certain moments I wonder if Justin loves Ethan more than he loves Brian. But all the "swing" you took in your story made it very interesting, intriguing and so thrilling!
Next chapter will be more intense, I guess?
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I think "thrilling" and "intriguing" are two of the nicest comments / compliments I've ever gotten! *blushes*
The next several chapters are more intense -- I suppose it sort of builds up as Justin pushes Brian to communicate and he learns to talk and push for answers of his own. I hope you'll enjoy the journey!
Thanks again!!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 15, 2010 01:47 PM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
Sorry but it does not make sense… if using the exact wording that was in the show but in your story changing one word that you think should have been said than why use the same phrase come up with something more original that’s what is call creating. You own style. As for team brain he’s a whore he fuck a kid and just because he never lie did no apology or regret he also never respected team Justin, and brain is the mature one??????
Author's Response: The idea was this: the first time in the office, Brian basically does say no. So I wanted to consider why he might have said no that time, and what feelings he might have had during their second meeting that night. The original part was supposed to be in interpretation and in the prior eleven chapters, in which I wanted to look at what went on behind Brian's closed doors at the loft. And *if* that part happened, and he was that hurt by Justin's actions, I felt that it might make sense that he would need more than just a couple lines from Justin to dive back into the whole thing again.
Believe me when I say that both of them have their issues to work through in upcoming chapters -- things that they have to explain to each other and improve on so their relationship can be stronger and more open. There are many things that Brian has done that contributed to their breaking up that are unresolved, and Justin essentially has to substantiate the claims he makes in the office - - that he really does know what to expect from Brian and what Brian wants from him. And for that to happen, Brian will have to do a better job of communicating those things. It is definitely a two-way street.
Now, that said, you are entitled to your opinion. If you don't want to see how any of that will happen, then don't keep reading. If you would like a more traditional interpretation of the episode, maybe you'd prefer my other story, "Taking Him Back," although I will warn you that it also includes a substantial amount of direct quotes from the show as well.
Thanks so much though for sharing your thoughts and opinions. I respect your view and thank you for reading. :)
Reviewer: sara (Anonymous) · Date: February 15, 2010 09:04 AM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
ugh! great chapter. i think that once justin realizes that he's really hurt brian, things will work out. but for justin to realize that, he'll have to change his perception of brian - probs not that easy to do/for him to believe that brian really does love, etc. can't wait for the next chapter, hope to see more of why not w/ me soon, too!
Author's Response: Thanks! That's very much the type of things they'll both have to start actually talking about. I will have both chapters up pretty soon -- thanks so much for your enthusiasm! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 15, 2010 08:25 AM · On: Your Time is Gonna Come
i always felt that brian gave in too easily. so yay for that no.
Author's Response: Yep...the more and more I thought of it, I realized that maybe Brian should have been more cautious, especially considering the pain he'd been through, the lack of evidence that anything substantial had changed between them, and the fact that Justin seemed to think it could all be simple.
I'm really glad that Brian's answer makes some sense! Thank you so much for the feedback! :)
Reviewer: rznbloodrose (Anonymous) · Date: February 14, 2010 08:25 PM · On: Our Separate Ways
ok beside the fact ethan would stacked his claim on justin and said rude comments to brian, you got brian behaviour completly, I hope this does not cause a set back! what are your plans for this story? is it long or short ?
Author's Response: I LOVE your question!! That is like my favorite question I've ever been asked because it answers things yet is still so open-ended!
The answer is --
1) it's taking longer than expected
2) I'm thinking around 10 -15 more chapters of varying lengths
3) Goals/Plans: B/J will talk about what happened between them and what they need, respectively, and they will end up closer for their communication and learning about each other. :)
Thanks so, so much for your comments! I hope you're still enjoying the story! :)
Reviewer: rznbloodrose (Anonymous) · Date: February 14, 2010 08:16 PM · On: Fine Again
wow all through this chapter I kept thinking that is happened, I mean if they focoused on brian or was an inner dialouge for brian at the time, that is totally it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! That is such a wonderful compliment; I'm glad the story "rings true" in that way. Thanks so much for the feedback and support!
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 14, 2010 08:10 PM · On: Our Separate Ways
" For a moment he sees something -- a sort of amber-colored loneliness. "
Justin still seems to be able to access the Brain Kinney Handbook...lets hope he starts to read a little further.
Yeah Ethan seems in character a smarmy, smug bastard. Is that a little harsh for a Sunday?
Author's Response: Justin knows something, that's for sure, but he's not tuned in enough to really know what. And I'm hoping that eventually they can even have some verbal communication *gasp!* to supplement that! :)
And no, not too harsh for Sunday. That's pretty much the characterization I was aiming for! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 14, 2010 05:41 PM · On: Our Separate Ways
God, Brian is hurting so badly, and not just from the hot latte.
I hope Justin realizes that Brian is hurting, and that can only mean that he does love Justin.
I think it was IC, Justin always looked uncomfortable when Ethan became overly lovey dovey when even Brian was around.
Author's Response: So true -- the latte scene is quite symbolic of their larger problems. Eventually they'll get to that point of Justin realizing that Brian does love him, and that he actually hurt him by leaving, but it's going to be a very angsty road. I'm thrilled that the Ethan scene was IC -- never written for him before.
Thanks so much for your wonderful support! Hope you like the next chapter! :)
Reviewer: linda (Anonymous) · Date: February 14, 2010 04:00 PM · On: Our Separate Ways
poor brian!! he needs to concede he's not getting any younger and needs to show his vunerable self to his boy. hopefully they will get together soon too much angst. i like some sappy and happy, but you do a good job piecing the pieces together. waiting patiently for happier days.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your support!! Eventually we'll get to sappy and happy, I promise! And it'll be a much deeper level of happiness for all the angst they'll get through between now and then!
Thanks again and I hope you like the next chapter!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 14, 2010 03:56 PM · On: Our Separate Ways
I love the story xD
and you're writing is amazing
but i don't like the fact that Justin is happy with ethan:@
please post another chapter soon
Jill <<33
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!
I understand about Ethan -- I didn't particularly like it either, but it's true to canon and there must have been something there if he left Brian over it. (God knows I wouldn't have! :) ). :)
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 14, 2010 02:29 PM · On: Our Separate Ways
So sad for Brian...still hate Ethan. I hope Justin starts being able to read Brian again.
Author's Response: Well -- my main goal for them at this point is communication - - and I think Justin's intuition will prove helpful there. I hope you'll enjoy the story! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 14, 2010 12:39 PM · On: Our Separate Ways
no comment.
Author's Response: That's an understandable reaction; I know I've dragged everyone through a lot emotionally in this fic, and it's moving soon from sorrow to angst. They do end up together -- and eventually closer than ever -- for their pain, though.
Thanks for reading and sharing your reactions; I do value them! :)
Reviewer: judi (Anonymous) · Date: February 14, 2010 02:38 AM · On: The Only One
I think you've got the pain down very well. I am hoping for some light sometime soon!
Author's Response: Well -- there will be, that I can promise. There will be some honest communication soon -- I'm one who considers that "light" in some sense -- but it's still an angsty journey ahead. The B/J relationship will come out stronger for it, though, so I hope you'll hang in there! :)
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 14, 2010 01:24 AM · On: Fine Again
Hope to see the update with Justin soon, because monday I'm going on a short holiday ( 5 days without beautiful stories of Brian and Justin).
* hugs *
Author's Response: Well...Umm... You'll see Justin in the next chapter, but I'm sure it's not what you're looking for! This one will take a while before we get to the sweet B/J ness... Though it is coming, I promise! It'll be an angsty journey. :)
I hope you'll enjoy your vacation!! Maybe by the time you get back we'll be at the sweetness and you won't have to wait for updates! :)
*hugs back*
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 13, 2010 08:03 PM · On: Fine Again
The last line of this chapter is brilliant, in my opinion. It sums up where Brian is at in such a concise and beautiful way. It’s concerning that Brian sees the solution to his problems as re-embracing his emotional barriers and life before Justin. It may keep him safer for the moment but it’s not really a long term solution….or if it is, that’s even sadder. There’s clearly comfort and stability to be found in a familiar routine, but this time round the routine is coloured by Brian’s experiences with Justin. He recognizes that it’s not enough any more, and that he’s not the same person, but is at a loss to know how else to move on. There’s no frame of reference about what else to move on to…not when his self-identity is made up of being beautiful and desirable, drinking and tricking. Brian’s ongoing mantra that he just wants to forget and regress to his pre-Justin existence is such a fragile and illusionary barrier between Brian and his underlying despair. Emmett’s comment about Brian “finding love again” is also quite shocking in some ways, because it doesn’t seem that Brian himself thinks about Justin in terms of “love” (although obviously it’s what he felt).
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I think Brian is trying to return to the familiar and it certainly will no longer be enough. Brian, however, I think believes that it will be enough *eventually*, that the pain will fade... He doesn't want to believe that there is an unchanging part of himself that wants love, and wants Justin...
I LOVE your characterization of Brian not having any frame of reference. This is a theme I have long wanted to explore -- maybe devote a fic or two to -- and it definitely comes into play here. He just does not know what else to do. How to find another "boyfriend" is, to Brian, out of the question. Much less how to deal with love, and the loss of love. He is so clueless now... so at a loss (a bad pun for Justin's loss but...) as to what to do.
I struggled with that comment of Emmett's, but ultimately it felt "so Emmett." That Emmett would call it like he saw it, and optimistically think that Brian could find it again, or at least would want to cheer Brian by saying so. :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 13, 2010 06:36 PM · On: A Friend
I agree that Vic is an excellent choice for the role of White Knight – possibly the only person in Brian’s life with the necessary understanding, restraint and discretion. It’s a lucky thing indeed that Debbie didn’t pick up the phone. Brian may have resorted to throwing himself of a building just to escape her!! I thought you did a good job at writing Vic as well. The way he silently supports and takes care of Brian upon arriving at the loft is lovely and very touching. There’s a sense of care and acceptance, which I think is something Brian very much needed; that he may not be enough for Justin or even Gus, but there’s still someone who’s willing to just accept Brian for who and what he is without the complicating factor of physical attraction or expectations of “Brian f***ing Kinney”. While Gus may be a motivating factor for Brian seeking help, and can offer unconditional love, I imagine there's still the complicating pressure of trying to work out how to be a good parent and having someone depend on you. In contrast Vic isn't dependent on Brian and doesn't really need anything in return.
That Brian trusts Vic enough to let him see his physical and emotional fragility also says a lot about their relationship and Brian’s trust in it. While it’s good to see Brian reaching some sort of equilibrium, I like the fact that he doesn’t immediately bounce back. You do a great job in exploring the complexity of Brian’s problems and showing that there’s no quick fix. It’s concerning though that Brian thinks about “moving on” in terms of forgetting and not wanting to feel anything; as is his acknowledgment that without that he “couldn’t be here”. It feels like a place of calm in the storm…but with the wind still howling outside.
Author's Response: I loved writing Vic and that scene. I agree that the Vic is able to help without the same complicating factors that others bring into the picture, and yet he still obviously cares about Brian, and has the added bonus of knowing something of Brian's past.
Writing the wordless scenes with Vic, I kept wondering if I was being OOC or not, especially with regard to the degree of vulnerability Brian was showing. Ultimately I kept it (though I changed one thing as I felt it was OOC) because of the extremely delicate state Brian was in.
In some ways, there is a quieting at this point of the story... *grins rather evilly* :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 13, 2010 05:53 PM · On: Something to Someone
It’s interesting that what makes Brian try to work past the darkness is an image of Gus: both because it raises another relationship which Brian feels he fails at (the one between father and son) but has the possibility of sustaining and because it’s an “image”. Despite the absence of physical comforting, the idea of Gus is enough to prompt a re-evaluation. Maybe that’s a step in the right direction for Brian – a recognition and reminder that emotional affection and connection are also real and that just because he’s lost Justin, doesn’t mean that there’s no-one who cares. I think it’s also a wake-up call in the sense that Brian doesn’t want to give Gus the same feeling of rejection and abandonment that he’s experienced by Justin “leaving”.
Author's Response: I like your analysis of the importance of the "image"ness of Gus. And yes -- I agree that Brian is very motivated by not wanting Gus to experience loss, as he is now due to Justin's leaving. And I think you're right that it's a step forward -- because Gus cares, and Gus is something he might feel he can still mold and change at some level. Or at least that he can still experience...
Thanks so much for your amazing analysis! *smiles contentedly*
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 13, 2010 05:37 PM · On: Gone
I like the plot structure of this chapter and the last very much, it’s reminiscent of the way things went in the show. In ep. 219 Brian clearly realizes that Justin is slipping further away and, rather than saying anything, follows him to the shower and silently tries to demonstrate “I want you to stay” through sex. Similarly, when Brian “snaps” after Michael tries to confront him about Justin's relationship with Ethan, he does so by ravishing Justin. In this story you have Brian secretly trying to find the embodiment of “Justin” through prostitutes, to keep Justin physically present, before snapping and having to face the reality that he’s gone in every way that truly counts.
I also really love the line “those days when he was living on the edge of having and losing, when he was watching it all slip away”. It must seem to Brian that he’s at that place again, only now it’s Brian himself who’s about to fall away over the edge – because there’s no way of physically dealing with the emotional pain other than alcohol and vomiting. The tricks don’t work. It’s interesting that Brian hasn’t done the one thing which may actually make things better: speak to Justin or try to actually get him back. That said, I think it’s very IC behaviour for Brian and if it was a viable option (in Brian’s mind) then he would have responded differently to Justin’s affair with Ethan in the first place. If Brian didn’t think he was enough the first time round, it must seem like there’s even less to offer Justin now.
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 13, 2010 05:13 PM · On: Fine Again
Lots of trying not much success! how terribly sad! Poor Brian! More please soon! You have to make him all better!! please!! :(
Author's Response: I will, I promise! But it won't be easy -- he'll end up better for it and closer to Justin than before, but not before lots of hard work.
Thanks so much for your involvement of the story! :)
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 13, 2010 05:07 PM · On: Fine Again
" He was drinking a lot, but he was trying to control it. He was fucking a lot, and he was trying to enjoy it. He was feeling a lot, and he was trying like hell to stop it" only Brian would say that this was doing OK. Building new walls just to keep the emptyness and hurt in....someone needs to save him.
Author's Response: It's true -- Brian wants to be okay, and he figures maybe he's ok because he's trying to go back in time, but now it's an emptier place. Help will be on the way for his many ills, but it's a long road. Thanks so much for your feedback! :)
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 13, 2010 10:54 AM · On: Fine Again
i don't like him like this, he doesn't like him like this, and i can't wait for justin to show up.
Author's Response: It's a long journey, but Justin will eventually help and they'll end up together -- but only after some issues have been dealt with. Thanks so much for your thoughts! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 13, 2010 10:35 AM · On: No Words
Okay, so you can probably guess that this chapter pushes all my buttons in a big way! Brian’s attempt to understand and express Justin’s loss (and by definition his own spiraling emptiness) through an objective cataloguing of their sexual interactions works for me on every level. On the surface it would seem that by trying to recreate Justin and their sexual dynamic, Brian is avoiding the emotional vulnerability and isolation he expressed to Ted and Debbie. That’s he’s in denial about what Justin meant to him. But I don’t think that’s true. Rather, I see Brian’s behaviour as an increasingly desperate attempt to understand why he feels so isolated and lost in the only language he has available. The prostitutes are a necessity because Brian has “no words”. The fact that Brian feels more empty at the end of this chapter, despite (or because of) the perfectly scripted trick is understandable. At this point he’s done just about everything he can think of to understand and comfort himself. The trick followed the script, did everything perfectly and it still wasn’t enough; Justin and what he represents is still missing.
Also underwriting this chapter (and previous ones) are tensions between Brian’s need for control (versus his increasingly uncontrolled use of drugs and alcohol) and a sense of worth and reassurance derived from money and material possessions (versus emotional clarity and connection which he doesn’t understand and can’t buy or control). I see the tricks as conflating all of those tensions. They’re essentially living objects which Brian buys, positions and manipulates in an attempt to feel loved, cared for and secure; “Justin” has become the repository and signifer of all those emotions. And it all falls apart with the realisation that “Justin” is distinct from his physicality. That must be a very difficult thing for Brian to accept or understand….lovelovelove this :) :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 13, 2010 09:33 AM · On: Fine Again
God, he just reeks of loneliness and quiet despair, and not one of his so called friends sees it; that's really sad.
I really don't think he wants to go back to the way things were before Justin came into his life, I think he wants things to go back to the way they were before he was out of it again.
I'm so looking forward to the next chapter and Justin's appearance.
Author's Response: I think Brian just wants to go back to some time when he wasn't hurting or putting himself at risk... he wants safety. I think maybe at this point, he sees his time with Justin as a risk. That much is clear now -- now that he took the risk and lost. I think he wants to get away from that vulnerability, but deep inside he does probably really want Justin (of course).
I hope you'll like the next chapter... It's Justin, but it's pre-308 IC (I hope it is, anyway). They'll be together by the end, though! :) Thanks so very much for your support!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 13, 2010 03:31 AM · On: A Friend
i love their relationship. vic was the father he wanted and needed.
Author's Response: I always wanted to explore their relationship more and this was my first attempt; I'm really glad that it turned out okay! Thanks for the feedback! :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 09:06 PM · On: A Friend
I think Vic is 'just right' he had that caring anf kind air about him in the series and I get that some feeling about him in this fic! So Brian is starting to learn how to deal with the big hole Justin left in his life! So how is Justin going? Is he missing Brian too? More please soon! :)
Author's Response: I am excited that the characterization of Vic came out fairly IC; I wasn't too confident in it.
I haven't decided how much we'll know about what Justin is up to... maybe not until Justin tells Brian! :) But I think it's safe to say he does miss Brian. We'll find out more later. For now, i want us to know what Brian knows and not much more. :)
Thanks so much for your thoughts!! :)
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 12, 2010 08:52 PM · On: A Friend
Thank God for Vic!
Still deeply concerned for Brian but I at least feel that I can breath between updates this time.
Author's Response: I'm still concerned too, but he is trying hard to move on. Thanks so much for your thoughts and involvement in the story! :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 08:34 PM · On: Something to Someone
Sniff, sniff, sniff! not crying!! Well not much!! :(
Author's Response: Awww! *hands over the Kleenex* Thanks for caring about the story! :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 08:33 PM · On: Gone
Boy is this living up to its title! Soo sad it is heartbreaking! I am sure I can hear poor Brian's heart shattering! :(
Reviewer: linda (Anonymous) · Date: February 12, 2010 08:29 PM · On: A Friend
glad for vic sometimes he is forgotten in all the angst with the boys. good job but we want justin and brian reconsiled pretty soon pleeeease.
Author's Response: I'm glad Vic was a popular choice; once I thought of him I realized that it would make a good match for what Brian needed.
They'll be reconciled, but I can't promise that it'll be soon! Hang n there!i
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 07:27 PM · On: No Words
It did add - we got the feeling that if he remembered all the things Justin did in such excruciating detail, then it was obvious that eventually he will have to have the 'real thing' there is no substitute! Off to read the next ep . . . lucky meee! :)
Author's Response: An excellent point -- he remembers well -- he was paying attention -- and nothing else will ever be the same! Only the original... :) Thanks so much for the review!!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 03:42 PM · On: A Friend
Vic is such a good friend, love him. You did great. No need to be nervous.
* hugs *
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 01:58 PM · On: A Friend
Vic was the perfect choice, but for some stupid reason I hadn't thought of him. He's level headed and strong enough to do what needs to be done, and he would never betray Brian's confidence.
Brian was a lot more open with Vic than I think he'd be willing to be with any of the others. I'm so glad he's off the ledge; even if I do think he's still a little too close to it for comfort.
It's a good thing that he sees Gus as much as he does, it reminds him that he does have something to live for, even if it hurts like hell.
I'm so looking forward to what he witnesses with Justin and Ethan, I hope it's something good, as in good for Brian, not good for Ethan ;D
Author's Response: It's not stupid -- I almost didn't think of it, either! But when I did, I really liked the idea. I'm glad that he seems like a wise choice. There's going to be some rough times before good things happen for B/J, but they will. This one definitely lives up to the title. :)
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 12, 2010 11:19 AM · On: Something to Someone
really like this story - it's dark, but convincing. and yes, i think that Brian's reaction to his son is realistic - in this setting, probably one of the only things that would motivate him to help himself.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm especially glad that it seems like a convincing story even though it is quite dark. And I'm very happy that the Gus part worked; I wasn't sure it would seem right for readers. Thanks so much for your thoughts! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 10:52 AM · On: Something to Someone
Whew, I have to admit I was relieved when he woke up and saw Gus' face on his phone. I'm glad it was enough of a wake-up call for him to realize that he needs help; I just hope he asks the right person, someone who actually wants to really help him, and for the right reasons!
I'm looking forward to the next chapters.
Yes, his feelings for Gus was totally realistic!
Author's Response: Yes, person choice was key... And I'm glad that his reaction to Gus was realistic; I really wasn't sure if it would be, especially since I didn't have Gus in the story earlier. Thanks as always so much for your thoughts!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 10:49 AM · On: Gone
Ok, I'm officially scared shitless for Brian. Off to read the next chapter. I promise to give a more thorough comment after the next one.
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 12, 2010 10:44 AM · On: Something to Someone
i sure as hell he's calling for help.
i don't like him thinking that gus might be better off without him.
Author's Response: It is a pretty low moment for him -- it's so hard for him to think of himself in any positive light at this point.
Thanks so much for the review!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 12, 2010 10:04 AM · On: Something to Someone
Owwwww is it Justin........
Author's Response: Not yet, sorry!! But eventually! :)
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: February 12, 2010 12:34 AM · On: Gone
Beautifully written as always. Truly heartbreaking but I'm a sucker for angst. Can't wait for the ray of Sunshine we all know will eventually come. Hehe sorry but could help but post the pun.
Reviewer: meme (Anonymous) · Date: February 11, 2010 10:32 PM · On: Gone
where ever justin is I hope he can feel something is wrong and go to brian loft.
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 11, 2010 07:11 PM · On: Heartbreaker
Noooo!
I am so glad you have said there will be light at the end of the tunnel in a few chapters, definately need that flickering hope.
But all this angst I'm feeling shows how well you're writing it. x
Author's Response: Yeah, eventually things will be better! Some improvements in communication, though! :)
Thanks so much for your kind words and feedback!!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 11, 2010 12:41 PM · On: Gone
"Soon afterward he began to think hazily he should call someone." JUSTIN!
Reviewer: sjmpets3 (Signed) · Date: February 11, 2010 08:23 AM · On: No Words
this is such a heart wrenching story. i hope he gets his sunshine back.
Author's Response: He will, but it's a long road... with twists and bumps in the road... I hope you'll like the next chapter... it's sad for a few more chapters, and then things change for him (finally). Thanks so very much for your support of the story! :)
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 11, 2010 06:26 AM · On: Heartbreaker
Did cry this time. You have completely nailed Brian. I can't decide if I need to shake him or hug him. I just know someone needs to help him before the bleakness completely consumes him. Thank you this fic is fantastic! x
Author's Response: I know... the next chapter is even more intense, and it's a little while before things stabilize for him.... He does get help soon, though, I promise, and I'll post the chapters pretty quickly. Thanks so much for your thoughts; it helps so much to have the feedback and support of wonderful reviewers who care about the story! :)
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 11, 2010 06:04 AM · On: No Words
This makes me want to cry...so much lonliness and self-loathing comes through in your story. I hope Brian has a break through soon. Or that one of his "family" does what they are so good at (and for once correctly) confronts him and maybe lets him know how Justin is doing and let it slip to Justin that Brian is a mess. Regardless looking forward to the next Chapter
Author's Response: That's an interesting idea -- how others might in some way intervene between B/J. I'll have to see what I can do about that... I think you're quite right about the self-loathing... I hadn't directly thought of it that way, but you're very right... I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter, just posted. :)
Reviewer: veglogic (Anonymous) · Date: February 11, 2010 04:38 AM · On: No Words
I think the thing that stayed with me after I finished this chapter was how Brian felt more empty that he ever had before. I wonder if this is because he misses Justin more or if by sharing those intimate moments and actions with someone other that Justin if he now regrets those actions. I can't wait for more on this story even if it is a sad one. Great job!
Author's Response: That's a very interesting point. I think it could be both. I think he regrets it because it made him have more vivid memories of Justin, plus it was then empty, a failure. He realizes it was something aside from the literal physical actions (which felt good, but didn't fulfill him as I think he expected they would). But you're probably right -- he probably regrets at some level that he's shared so much of himself with someone.
The next chapter is just posted and may be the saddest yet. Things turn around soon though. :) Thanks so much for your thoughts; I love reading them! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 11, 2010 01:13 AM · On: No Words
This scene is both sad and desperate; I can't figure out if I want Justin to one day find out what has been going on, or if I want to spare him that pain.
The fact that Brian sits all alone reliving his time with Justin just kills me. I can just imagine his agony.
I'm sure you will put an end to his suffering at some point, but I'm begging you; don't let it be too long before Justin and he are together again, please.
Author's Response: Things will start to change for Brian soon... but the road to them getting back together again is not a simple one, and I have one chapter in mind which I'm sure will throw a sharp curve in that path... (*apologizes for the evil spoiler!*)
I haven't decided yet whether Justin will find out or not... I was almost tempted to have him walk into this scene, like when the prostitute was licking Brian's inner elbows. Imagine what Justin would have thought and felt then!
I think this was Brian's last-ditch effort to capture what he's missing. The enxt chapter will be posted pretty soon and it hopefully shows a shift in Brian's thinking.
Thanks so much for your feedback and support! :)
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 10, 2010 05:55 PM · On: Having Someone Over
The first thing that jumped out at me from this chapter was the last line of the song lyrics: “Well I’ve got to get you, baby, please come home”. The idea that underlying all of Brian’s actions is a silent statement of “please come home” is just so sad (although at the same time I love the angst!!). So that probably influenced my reading of this chapter – I started thinking about it in terms of what “home” means to Brian. That train of thought was also reinforced by the presence of Debbie, the “adoptive mother”. First of all, I quite liked Debbie and thought you did a good job with her. Sometimes she makes me want to throw things, but here she’s blunt and pushy in a positive way. Her dialogue especially seemed IC to me. Before reading your end notes, my main thought was: wow, imagine if the closest thing you have to a mother is someone who checks up to make sure you haven’t choked on your own vomit before leaving again! Not that I think Debbie would have gotten too far had she tried to confront Brian in a more personal or aggressive way. But it certainly emphasized that Brian’s loft isn’t a “home” and again, the domestic / everyday absences from his life. That the Family is not actually a family. The image of Debbie pulling vomit stained sheets off the bed was especially poignant…in her own way, I think Debbie’s “intervention” matches that action. Her conversation with Brian is an attempt to pull off the emotional covers and get him to think about the pain / loneliness he’s trying to paper over with drugs, alcohol and attitude.
Author's Response: Yeah...Debbie will do something more, though I don't know how much. I think she was caught by surprise at Brian's vulnerability at the end of the chapter. In his own way, Brian is trying to reach out -- telling Ted, "no one ever really ate with me before," and telling Debbie "it's nice to have someone over." It's not much, and for most people it would be hardly be a noteworthy emotional confession, but for Brian it definitely is... it's the best he can do to try to in some way express the feelings that he is tormented with.
I think Brian is trying to get Justin back, at an abstract level, and definitely wants him to come home.... I'm glad the lyrics caught your eye... It's been a sort of special aspect to this story that I can use lyrics from one of my favorite bands. *smiles*
Reviewer: Minoloushe (Anonymous) · Date: February 10, 2010 05:23 PM · On: The Only One
In some ways it's sad to think that the closest Brian has come to feeling wanted “for himself” is Justin. It’s true that Justin probably sees Brian in a clearer way than most of the other people in his life. Yet at the same time season one and two Justin had a healthy dose of idol worship for Brian; it was a combination of teenage rebellion, excitement and romanticism combined with moments of true connection and insight. So part of me feels that Brian is projecting onto what their relationship actually *was* with what it could have been or what it meant / represented to him.
Now having said all of that, how much more painful would it feel if the one person who truly “saw” you decided that it wasn’t worth the effort and left? Heartbreaking indeed! It’s also clear from the attempts made by Ben, Michael and now Ted just how isolated he is from the ordinary, everyday aspects of companionship and love (although I’m not sure how much Michael’s discussion can be counted as an “attempt”!).It’s a destructive loop really. Brian pushes away his “friends” because they don’t understand him and part of the reason they don’t understand him arises from Brian’s determination to keep everyone at a distance.
I’m really liking the structure of this story too. The first chapter where Brian is alone with imitation Justin, and then each of the successive chapters with a member of the family; those interactions should make Brian seem more connected and instead they remind us of just why Justin is missed. The fact that Justin’s only presence is through tricks (whether engaging in sex or manipulated domestic rituals) emphasise his absence and Brian’s emptiness. The fact that there’s simply no-one else to carry out those “ordinary” rituals with him. In a strange way the connection Brian has with his friends seems just as illusionary as his connection with the prostitutes, despite their well meaning efforts.
Author's Response: I see what you mean about Brian confusing what Justin was for him with what their relationship was as a whole... I think what truly stands out for Brian is that Justin is there through essentially mundane activities... Brian sees himself as being desirable because of what he offers others sexually, or monetarily, or in terms of social status. Justin challenges this image of himself in simple ways, like making dinner for Brian (that jambalaya again), watching TV with him, etc. Essentially, this shows Brian that he offers more, that he is more than what others usually take from him... Those were moments that Brian never imagined could be shared with someone... he never imagined "easy closeness" in that way,.. I hope that makes sense... That is how I imagine what Justin "saw" and in some ways, what he rejected, perhaps.... *thinks on this*...
I'm glad that the structure is working for you. I have struggled a little with the timing of some of the chapters, in terms of which events should go in which order. I'm hoping I don't screw it all up! Especially Ch. 5,6, and 7...
I think it's interesting to consider how the domestic moments with his visitors all fail -- sexual and domestic alike...
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 08, 2010 03:07 AM · On: Heartbreaker
You really are pulling the heartstrings with this one. I just wanted to cry!
Let's hope that Deb was a little wake up call.
Author's Response: *hands over Kleenex*
I hope it will be a wake-up call, too. I'm just not sure Brian knows what to do to change things at this point... we'll have to see!
Thanks so much for the review and the feedback! I genuinely do appreciate it!! :)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 07, 2010 10:09 PM · On: Having Someone Over
Once more you totally nailed it! The interaction with Deb was perfect - as usual with Brian and Deb it is often what is not said and what is done that has the most impact. Deb observing the extent of his pain and problems would have had an impact on Brian just as this showed! Still fabulous! More please soon! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm thrilled that I could capture their dynamic. I always found it interesting -- their relationship was almost delicate when it was just the two of them, and that's something I really like to try to portray in stories. I'm glad this one worked for you and seemed IC. Thanks so much for your support and enthusiasm!! :)
Reviewer: rznbloodrose (Anonymous) · Date: February 07, 2010 07:07 PM · On: Having Someone Over
I don't like Deb very much, but it's good for brian to have someone to take care of him, I hope he doesn't harm himself, and where is Justin in all of this?
more please:)!
Author's Response: You have a good question -- where is Justin? I'm not sure how much we'll see him until we see him with Brian in this story. I'll have to think more on this topic, though. He will appear in the next couple of chapters, though.
Thanks so much for the review!
Reviewer: Marny (Signed) · Date: February 07, 2010 02:30 PM · On: Having Someone Over
heartbreaking beautiful * sniffs *
Author's Response: Thank you! *hands over Kleenex*!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 07, 2010 12:03 PM · On: Having Someone Over
great chapter. I think that Deb's reaction is really true to form - so good work.
Author's Response: Thank you so much -- I'm glad she was in character. She's fun to write for, especially with Brian. I really enjoy trying to capture the softer side of their relationship. :) Thanks for the feedback!!
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 07, 2010 10:00 AM · On: Having Someone Over
Thank god for Deb, she might just be the only person who can get through to him, besides Justin of course.
I love that he opened up to her, even if it was just a little, now he just needs to take her advice.
I love this story, even if it is breaking my heart ;)
Author's Response: I'm toying with how much he will heed the advice. I think he may want to, but I don't really think he knows how. We'll have to see what happens!
It's funny, the title was really meant to refer to Justin's leaving Brian broken-hearted, but instead it's describing the story's effect! :) Glad you love it anyway!!
Thanks as always for your support! :)
Reviewer: edom (Signed) · Date: February 07, 2010 09:52 AM · On: The Only One
God, he is so lonely it's coming off him in waves. I'm glad Ted asked him, preasured him a little, I just hope he doesn't tell the others, but just try to be there for Brian.
The last part has me so worried about him, he is spiralling out of control!
Author's Response: Hmmm, I hadn't thought of that.... *rubs hands together*... What WILL Ted decide to do.... Hmmmm..... *grins evilly*
Maybe it's sadomasochistic of me, but I'm glad it had you worried -- I'm trying to show the escalation of his problems, so I'm glad it had this effect.
Thanks so much for the reviews!!
Reviewer: linda (Anonymous) · Date: February 07, 2010 09:07 AM · On: Having Someone Over
BRING JUS BACCCCCCK. PLEASE BEFORE OUR BOY SELF-DESTRUCTS!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Don't worry, he'll come back. What he'll come back to is the real question.... *grins evilly*
Thanks so much for the review!
Reviewer: rznbloodrose (Anonymous) · Date: February 07, 2010 03:49 AM · On: The Only One
this fic is a real heartbreaker, you got me weeping for brian, he is like the best thing I have known, please don't turn him into those bad drunks that are pethatic!!! more please^_^
Author's Response: Well -- he's going to be struggling for a while, but I promise it'll end well! I'm happy to hear that you're enjoying the story and are involved with the plot. I hope you'll like the next chapter as well! :) (just posted)
Reviewer: dphysh (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2010 08:25 PM · On: The Only One
Yeah makes total sense and with this fresh even more raw hurt maybe he would half confide in ted . . . poor Brian! Sniff!! Fantasstic fic! More please soon! :(
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad that the emotional impact of the chapter is clear; it was a rather personal one to write. Thanks so much for the comments! I hope you'll like the next chapter as well!! :)
Reviewer: cherub68 (Anonymous) · Date: February 06, 2010 05:47 PM · On: Heartbreaker
This didn't feel like OOC, as the words still seem to have to be ripped out of Brian.
Also the sentiment is correct, he has lost more than a first love!
Author's Response: Oh, good! I'm really glad that this came through to readers. The more I thought about Brian's loss, the deeper and wider it seemed to get. I'm so glad that this made sense! Thanks very much for the feedback!
Reviewer: not occ (Anonymous) · Date: February 06, 2010 02:56 PM · On: The Only One
THis i indeed a great chapter - and not necessarily occ. Keep going!
Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm so happy that it didn't come off as too ooc! I felt like it was close, and I don't like getting too OOC, so this is great feedback ;).
I hope you'll like the next chapter, too. Thanks so much for the review!!!
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: February 06, 2010 02:17 PM · On: The Only One
really enjoying this story...seeing this view of brian is interesting. hope you update this and wnwm soon! love your work, as usual.
Author's Response: I'm glad you're liking the story!! I actually was about two paragraphs from done with the next WNWM chapter and I spilled coffee on the computer!! So now I'm on the little netbook until I can get the computer fixed. I'll be retyping it, which I hate to do. I'll try to do that tomorrow. :)
Thanks so much for the review!
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