This was just he cutest little Science Fiction story! Please write more.

Author's Response:

thank you - I just might do that

Good Halloween fic.

I loved this first chapter. I thought it was Justin.

I loved this little story. I don't know how I missed it before.

 Yes, I think he's learned his lesson...never tease a horny 20 year old with the possiblity of a quickie in the bathroom. Hey, I'm twenty!

Gotta love Justin in this!!!!

Amazing job of deciphering why Justin left Brian for Ethan and the emotions involved on both sides. This was very well done. I don't know why this didn' t get more reviews.

Author's Response:

Thank you. A long while back, there was a technical issue with MW and many fics got lost. Moonshadow was still running this site at the time and her son was able to find everyone's stories and we were able to re-post them, but all of the reviews were gone. So there are quite a few older stories on this site with a small amount of reviews, not because people missed reading the fic, but because the reviews were deleted.

The two them drove me crazy. Both of them feared getting hurt.

Author's Response:

yes! it's a tug-o-war for both of these stubborn men! Thanks for the comment :)

That was painful. I can see why Justin was so vunerable with Ethan. He just needed someone to help dull the pain. Where's Daphne when you need her?

Still not communicating. It felt like watch the episode when Justin returned the bracelet.

"And all I’d be able to create would be empty shells..."

I'm always sleep deprivated by Suinday but Ihave to spend time with the kid and hubby, so I watched TV with him. I read this to prevent myself from going insane (the cartoons kids watch theses days).

Anyway, I was mesmerized by the romantic and heartwarming flow of this story. I hated the way the show ended. This story was a beautiful way of rectifying it. 

It made so much sense for Justin to be with Brian to become an an artist. All through the show, Brian was his muse -- his impetus to create the art he did. Why would he separate from it? He was on the right path to begin with. 

And I loved the phoenix symbolism.

Perfect as always.

Sandra:)

Cute, cute Cute!

I just happened to run across this. Loved it!

I have always enjoyed this story, and it's even better reading it the second time around.

Such a beautiful street!

Definitely deserved the ribbon for this chapter alone!

OK! The Michael thing was sweet.

I've read many death fics and it s rare that suicide is involved. I always felt tat one would never survive long without the other, but so many have Brian hanging on t life for Gus or Justin continuing on with out him. This was a weirdly pleasant one.

Author's Response:

Somehow he removed the uterus from the female and implanted it into specimen B.

It is so rare to read a explanaton for Mpreg. I like this one.

Okay, I had to stop while I was cooking fried cabbage for dinner (got to get the kid to eat more vegetables). I was disapointed that Justin would go along with that viper. I thought he wanted Brian to father the child anyway. And what about surrogates? Did he feel that that viper was fit to mother another child? All I could feel was this Justin was naivete to nth degree. He had seen what Brian had gone through. AAARGH! It's like watching an accident happening.

Here's my question: What was the motive for this story. What compelled you to write it this way? Just curious. Of course the story itself is excellent, but I often wonder why authors write certain stories, what the motivation was. As you can tell, this story has me in a emotional tailspin.

Hugs,

Sandra:)

“But I want to always remember our part in conceiving this baby, Brian; through passion and love and sincerity.”

My little rays of Sunshine. My little rays of truth.

I'm beginning to see things more clearly now. These children are treated as a blessing and part of Justin's and Brian's family from the moment of pre-conception. I am a little confused about the truth part, though.

This was beautiful! Justin and Brian both had utopia although I know Brian would have wanted Gus in the mix. Jusitn had come full circle form Atavism. He not only had the love of his life as his husband, he had his career in the art world and  his children to raise and full time. Now here's my question:

I was shocked when I read this the first time. Why would Lindsay give up full custody or allow them to raise the the twins full time. Is it because she saw too much of Justin in the girls and did not feel a connection? Or were they too much to handle with two other children; or where the children superfluous for her since she still had the trump card -- Gus? Just curious.

 I wanted a weed...

I love the analogy. I had to get away from the anorexic stories for a while and decided to explore this Justin cancer fic. I must have read this some time ago and don't know if I reviewed it at that time. I was such a lurker, initially, LOL.

I have just finished reading Between the Crosses again and found myself looking for Lionheart in this fic. This is a different Justin born of different circumstances. I find it interesting that you started this fic at the point of after Justin has left Ethan. It makes Brian's involvement all the more special. Justin's anxiety is twofold because of his guilt over leaving Brian and then having cancer. Angst galore.

Great story. I enjoyed reading it again.

I'm in the middle of this lovely story and I'm anxious to read more. It's nice to find such a gem. Your Justin is strong and independent, just the way I like him.

I wish you would continue this story. I like it.

Author's Response:

Thank you. I hope to one day as well. I had attempted to write this, but then my mind hit a wall... there was so much I wanted to write, but I had no idea how I wanted to story to finish and the more I thought about it, the more twists and turns my ideas started to take and I couldn't decide on anything anymore! So I put it on hold, and one day I hope to return to it soon! Now that Of Monsters and Men is in my head, maybe once that is completed I'll feel more comfortable finishing this one.

The whole painting and the concept of it were ingenius. I liked the interpretation of Brian and Mel's relationship.

"Although it had been almost a year since Gus and Brian had spent any time together..."

Was the reason for the painting was to get Brian to be abel to see Gus again?

"Sometimes it’s a delicate balancing act Between our dreams and reality To find happiness."

I don't know it Justin beleieved that Michael would really understand the note, but it was beautiful.

“You know Michael, Justin must think you’re pretty special."

It looks like Justin wanted Michael to know that he felt no ill will for him and perhaps he did think he was special with a special place in his life.

“Something’s wrong with Justin.”

It does sound that Michael was feeling guilty or that perhaps he was hoping?

"At that moment Brian threw up his hands and knew that all sanity was missing from the Novotny family."

Brian's reaction to everyone was hilarious.

Ben was always a pushover for Michael.

I'm really busy right now, but I listen to this story in between running around. This has been one of my favorite chapters.

Excellent story!!!

"‘It’s only time isn’t good enough, Brian"

I alwas thought that was lame. :)

‘Broken wings,’ he thought, ‘but unbroken soul.’

The tough love of Brian was a beautiful thing to behold.

I was surprised that Justin wanted his mother called. I knew that he needed Brian.

Author's Response:

Thanks Sandra *hugs* Yes, there is an awful lot of tough love in the story...

"But he didn’t have a fucking choice. He hated not having the choice to control his own life."

I really woke up from a much needed nap so I'm still behind in getting my reviews done but I am determined.

I can see Justin or anyone geting to a breaking point in the treatment. It does seem as if he was forced to eat or else anf treated like a petulant child who wounldn't eat there vegetables. I don't see how anyone could get through such a treatment without a good support system.

I can see Justin worried about cum calories. That was funny.

Oh, your new userpics ARE AESOME! You always had gorgeous ones but you know I love the Lark series.

Author's Response:

Thanks Sandra :-) I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get back to these - after the holidays, I'm really behind in replying to all my comments *sigh* As far as the treatment goes... well, I'm on the fence about whether or not this is really the best way to treat anorexia. I certainly have some reservations and even some bitterness about it myself. But this is the way the illness is treated for very serious cases, and it does require an awful lot of self-will and a lot of support. The part about the cum was meant to be a bit humorous, but it is also kind of sad that Justin was so far gone that little tiny things like this continued to haunt him. There was no escaping his obsession, not even with Brian...

"And soaring above it all, he was aware of their powerful, unbreakable, infinite connection."

I'm glad I read this again. You don't get the full effect of this with the mechanical voice of a e-reader.
This was intense.Their love making could not have been like the first time.

I trying to convey my thoughts here but my virus is making me a little woozy, so bear with me, LOL.

"Love was the most powerful weapon and the most protective shield."

Maybe if Justin had never left Brian behind for New York the anorexia never would have happened? Brian was such an integral part of him.

Hmm, I always thougth Brian did love Justin that very first night, hence the juggling and hand stands. But you also pointed out that "This time, Brian believed in love."

Loved this chapter!

Author's Response:

I'm so glad you loved this chapter, and that you found the love making was intense and meaningful. So *not* like the first time... I think you're right in that Justin may never have developed the illness had he never left New York. It is true that most people who have or have had anorexia are predisposed to it, by virtue of their past, their genetics or the personalities. Bit it typically needs a trigger. Justin's trigger would have been leaving Brian - any big, life change can be a significant trigger. It's interesting what you say about Brian's handstands and juggling being a sign that he loved Justin. I've never thought of it that way before - I always just assumed his antics were because he was high. Huh. Interesting idea...

Okay, not Europe, but New york. Time to eat breakfast, LOL.

GOOD STORY, and painfully true!

For that instant of eternity, there was no sound, no sensation, no movement. And then-

Justin 

His heart seized; contracting within his chest, a hard, merciless weight crushing it painfully, fear threatening to squeeze out the elixir that kept it beating.

This started with a strong intensity that did not abate until Brian held Justin in his arms. The episode it referenced did not evoke the same tension and fear I had while reading this short fic. Initially, I wasn’t sure what incident was occurring. I was caught up in the moment of Brian’s emotional turmoil. When I realized it was the bombing, his ongoing prayers and pleas were all the things I could have imagined him thinking during that time. They had wasted so much time with pettiness (Brian). Justin had lived through the bashing; it was their second chance but Brian was too afraid to take it and continued to push Justin away at every turn.

I thought that episode was wasted on focusing on Michael’s injuries. Terrible, I know, but I could have cared less. Brian had just said those three little momentous words and they were overshadowed, as usual, with Michael drama. For a short while, I thought Brian was going to profess his love for Michael too.  After reading this story, I decided to look at the episode again, but this time I can look at it with a whole new perspective and perhaps enjoy it for what it’s worth.

Time stopped again as the sheer, staggering, gut-wrenching relief broke over Brian so powerfully it took all his strength just to cling onto the edges of reality.

He had his arms wrapped tightly all the way around the warm, solid, living Justin, crushing him hard against his chest, against his heart.

The hourglass wobbled, tilted, and finally fell silently onto its side. And slowly, ever so slowly, it began to right itself again the other way up. Resetting the clock.

I could quote every line because each one was just as poignant and beautiful as the previous. I can’t pick a favorite.

Thanks Sapphire,

Hugs,

Sandra:)

Perfect!

I haven't read this yet, but it looks so promising. It's going on my list that's getting longer by the minute. I was looking for J/E stories that didn't end with Ethan cheating or strong anti Ethan. Or maybe I speaking too soon. We shall see, LOL.

Author's Response:

Well, I can't promise anything. LOL Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope you like the story. :) Moni

Beautiful!

"I project confidence, arrogance, and sex. With the exception of Gus, I use sex on everyone I interact with."

Interesting.

"Justin’s blushed deepened. He buried his face in Brian's chest."

Cute! I love these characters. :)

Author's Response:

I'm so happy you are enjoying this incarnation of Brian and Justin :-)

I loved this story.  Thank you for writing it.

Tat as a very stupid thing for Daphne to do. That was not the place or her place.

Good story.

Justin leaned down and touched his lips to Brian’s, and Brian felt every second of every day they had loved each other, every moment that had shared, every word they had exchanged. 

ASTOUNDING! 

I was near tears reading this chapter. How could I have not read this before? You have a beautiful way with words.

I sat in that cold Criminal Court building across from the Cook County jail so totally immersed in this story that I forgot to be afraid of where I was. And then I felt a little guilt for doing so. Nevertheless, I found myself reading some pages over again savoring the story as it unfolded.

If the doctor had been sixty and balding, and the walls of his office tiled with a superfluity of psychology degrees, Brian would've found it easier to feel contempt for the man.

Etienne smiled slightly, indicating that he was not only unfazed by Brian’s tetchiness…

Leave to Brian to be bias with aesthetics. You did a wonderful introduction of this character. He seemed real from the very first sentence and perfect for what Brian needed.

It was also a subconscious acknowledgment of an enormous sacrifice.

That seemed to be Brian’s MO. He seemed to always think he had to sacrifice to make his friends happy.

There was only really one thing I knew I could count on for certain, and I ended up staking my life on it.”

I found this most intriguing, your juxtaposition that had Brian depending on Justin always coming back to him no matter what and how he selfishly needed that. That he felt the only way Justin would stay or return was because of need. That he wasn’t worth Justin staying with him otherwise. I loved this. I had never read anything like this before.

…the reason we broke off the engagement- was my realization that I couldn’t live with someone who gave up his life and called it ‘love’, just to be with me.”

“Who suggested that- going to New York?” 

In his mind, the complicated pieces of Brian’s puzzle were all falling into place.

It was complicated, and Etienne was sure he’d only seen the tip of the iceberg.

This Etienne was brilliant. He was able to see things from an outsider point of view which shed light on an issue or discrepancy Brian could not see. I felt the same way about Lindsay after watching that last episode. She didn’t give any consideration to Brian’s feelings about losing his son and or the man he proposed to marry.

I don’t usually read about eating disorders because most of the stories (other fandom) I have read have been more about the disease and less about the characters.   Your story does an excellent job of being about a person with the disorder, not the other way around.  I also guess I have my own bias because food was too much of a valued commodity in my youth to think about depriving myself or anyone else. As I read more about it not being about the food but about control it becomes more interesting.

Another thing, I have read ravings and had done so myself about some of the old authors that no longer write for the fandom, but there are writers such as yourself who deserve just as much if not more praise. I should have heard of this story before now. Thank goodness it’s a feature story this month. I would have missed one of the best written stories out there, bar none.

God, I love this story!

Etienne had the idea that Brian possessed strong personal morals that were manifest in cryptic ways only Justin could decipher. He wondered what Justin would tell him about Brian, and about what Brian had not told him about Justin.

I would love a sequel with more of Etienne involved. He was such a personable and interesting character. I could see the similarities between him and Brian had there been different circumstances.

On what had once been plain while plaster was now painted a magnificent mosaic of violets, maroons, lavenders, and mauves.

I wondered why Justin painted the house. It also seemed as if Brian was proud of Justin and wanted to show him off.

...he saw a word tattooed in black ink onto the inside of Brian’s middle finger.

What was the word and what was the meaning of it?

Temptation wrapped her powerful, slender body gently around Brian’s... 

The monkey experiment was scary enough as it and the snake dream...

That Brian had nightmares about Lindsay should have been a wake up call and think even before Etienne spelled things out for him, he would have sought answers eventually, just not as soon as he did.

“If I did something unexpected and maybe a little stupid that needs to be done for us...

I was so mad at Brian. Justin needed resolution for this too. Brian still had too strong of a desire to protect Justin or was it for Lindsay's protection too?

I finished reading this story the day at the court house, but I still had so much to think about. I could not not review. Loved the imagery in this chapter!

 I would hate for anything to come between us… But I also think what she did to you was unforgivable.

You go, Emmett! I loved that Emmett was in tuned with his emotions and feelings.

“You think I’d just stand by and let her take you down?”

Emmett was also just as brave as Brian. They do make a good couple.

 Lindsay just does something to me…

Now here I was queasy.  I remember reading Nightvision55’s “The Great Divide”.  It was one of the first anti-Lindsay stories I’ve read and loved it, but it touched on something. Lindsay theorized Brian’s love for Justin was just transference of his love for her because of their similarities. Could that be it? Too many times it was alluded to in the series that Lindsay would be the woman he would have had a relationship with if he was straight (or was it that first scene with her and Gus).

He had just confessed to her what he couldn’t bear to even confess to himself and she had brushed it off as a whim. An attention-seeking maneuver, a game.

Lindsay wreaked havoc in Brian’s life and just traipsed along with her life without any consideration for Brian, secure and happy that she had separated him from Justin just so she could continue her fantasy. She was so self-centered that she ignored the physical trauma Brian’s body had gone through with starvation. I could understand Emmett’s shock over Brian forgiving her so readily and hugging the viper.

 I trusted you then and I really thought you cared about Justin. You made me believe that he really wanted to go to New York, even though you knew he didn’t. By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late. Justin was gone, and…”

And that was also the crux of the matter. She hurt Justin too. She also separated Gus from his father and to make Brian give up his parental rights was cruel and unconscionable.

It was a lie. He knew it would be years before he would find the grace to forgive her entirely. But still, he needed the truth and this was the only way he knew how to get it.

It seemed to me that Brian did forgive her. I think he was still in denial and there is the matter of Gus.

You didn’t think I was not going to review the absolute best chapter of the story did you? :)

 Show-and-tell? That was definitely out of character for Brian. 

The subject of the abandoned wedding was obviously still weighing heavily on Brian’s mind, and Etienne made a mental note to bring it up later.

“An old English poem called ‘ The Seven Crows’

That inscription on the ring and the poem that it symbolized was beautiful. Brian’s true romantic side had come to light again. You were very clever in using the poem to emphasize the two of them and their journey. I’m curious as to how you came to that and if you had this poem in mind from the beginning. Also, it seemed that Brian had changed. He was willing to show his softer side or maybe he needed someone to be more supportive of his willingness to change and of his marriage?

It was a shame that Brian still felt guilty about the aborted wedding. He was still suffering the ramifications of Lindsay’s actions.

“If Justin permanently takes my name, people will know this isn’t a joke or a passing whim.”

Etienne was shocked despite himself.

Here it seemed that Etienne had become more of a friend than physician. He had become incensed that Brian’s friends would be so callous with his feelings about his marriage to Justin. Brian needed a strong support system and his friends were failing him. I loved that line about “the fuckability warranty” expiring, though, LOL.

 They were right – I was a fucking hypocritical bastard. 

That’s true, but they could have joked all they wanted to and then have been sincere and empathetic enough to wish him well.

It was so liberating to just be.”

That said so much about how much Brian had been suffering and how much he needed Justin.

That talk Etienne had with Brian about his prognosis was very poignant. I was shocked because I thought Brian was cured or well on his way to be. I had no idea the illness was a lifelong process of recovery or that is stayed like a dormant virus that could attack at will or when a person is vulnerable. It was heartbreaking and I thought Brian was going to break under that revelation. It was the brilliance of Etienne character to use the analogy of the dog rolling over to explain the significance of Brian relying on Justin. I loved this line:

“Trust Justin, Brian. Trust him with your vulnerability and he’ll trust in your strengths.

I’m happy you didn’t end the story with the last chapter because this one tied everything together nicely. I loved that you ended it similarly to the way you began, only this time things were on a positive note.

A story that would turn a crow – their seventh crow - into a dove.

BEAUTIFUL!!!

After reading this chapter again, I feel that a sequence would be nice, because I would love to see more of Etienne, but this ended perfectly. Now, some other thoughts:

You mentioned in one of the reviews that Brian was Lindsay’s first love. I had never contemplated that. I thought it was more of a Justin/Daphne experimental thing in college, that neither one felt anything more than deep friendship for each other. And although Lindsay did have sex with another man later, Brian never experimented again. I always thought it was applied that Lindsay was Bi, especially, after that affair with Sam.

I had to really review what I remembered of Brian’s character as it pertained to Lindsay. He seemed to know that Lindsay had certain feelings for him, just like Michael, and reveled in them. He kept flirting with them to keep them adoring and wanting him, much like he did the gay population of Liberty Avenue. It was if his sexuality was the only thing he had to offer. It was no wonder Lindsay held on to those dreams much like Michael,  who always thought they would end up together as old queens in Florida. This does not excuse Lindsay’s behavior, but I can see a bigger picture now. There is so much of Brian that could feel a psychiatrist or psychologist shelf.

Let me know what you think.

Subject change -- back to this story:

This was by far the best chapter of this story. I tried not to write a novel when I was reviewing but I sometimes get a little involved with a subject or a storyt and don’t know when to stop, LOL. I hope I didn’t drive you crazy. I’m looking forward to my favorite series – the Lark Series. In the meantime, I’m doing a Sapphire marathon in between projects I’m working on and laundry.

Take care and thanks again for a wonderful journey,

Sandra:)

I'm so behind in reviewing and I feel guilty about it because you writers take the time and trouble to provide endless entertainment for people like me -- for free.

I was just discussing certain popular books with my husband and I mentioned how little a buy them these days due to such amazing stories in fanfiction. I wonder if you have published anything.

Okay, back on topic. I want to thank you for indulging me in answering my loquacious reviews and I do have a few comments and questions more in response:

I think he’s also recently realized how much he truly values Justin’s love, and how much it meant to him before Justin left for New York. 

I often thought about the post 513 Brian. Did he stay the same romantic deeply in love man that Justin left that night or did he go back to being the Stud of Liberty Ave. I believe the former, yet people argue that was never Brian. I say the true Brian was the one we saw at the prom. So I'm gld you pointed that out.

As far as the 'Seven Crows' poem. I grew up reading 'Grimm's Fairy Tales' almost religiously. I still read them from time to time. I willl have to revisit that one.

Now the issue of Michael and Lindsay being thr exceptions -- I may go with Lindsay because that is a valid point that Brian did know he was gay. It seemed as though he was willing to change for her. That was momentous when you think about it.  

As far as Michael -- Brian looked upon him as the little brother he never had, plus Brian was a chemistry geek. He could relate somewhat on the geek level although it was said that Michael was not as intelligent or did as well in school. I do believe Brian would have slept with Michael had he pushed the issue. I also believe he did not pursue other men on a romantic level because or for Michael's benefit. Was he in love with Michael -- no.

I still believe Brian needed Lindsay and Michael to stay in love with him. He was an atention whore becuse he was so deprived of it (love) growing up. I still think he thought his sexual attraction was all he could offer. In all his bravado, I still saw an insecure little boy who just wanted to be loved.

I go by the moniker sandraj60 on LJ. I do forget that have more than one alias. Yes, I was first one I think to review  your story on TQL. Of course, I didn't know it at the time.

Side note: It drives me crazy that youy can't edit once you hit that submit button. Please overlook errors. My typing  and spelling is for... well you get the picture, LOL.

Hugs,

Sandra:)

That was beautiful.

Author's Response:

Thank you!

Excellent beginning to a story and so well written. I cannot believe this one has not gotten a blue ribbon.

HEART RENDERING!

I somehow found this by accident and skimmed throught it. It looks like an amazing story.

"Truth be told, he's been my teacher.."

This Brian is compassionate and honest with himself. I always felt they both learned from each other.

I've forgotten how well this was written, but I'm a little ambivalent about the ending. I couldn't see the relationship working from here.

Way to go, Brian!

This was a very amusing and cleverly written chapter.  i can't wait for the update!

HAWT!

That cruise sounded perfect. The naked nelly queen Brian was hilarious.

Glorious. I didn't expect them to follow through with the bungee jump.

The image of the three nudes together sounds beautiful.

Liam could probably give Brian a run for his money.