Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Endings and Beginnings - Book 4
Chapter 5



Still feeling a bit shell shocked, Michael entered his apartment. He found that he was suddenly immersed in a sea of boxes.


“What are you doing?” He asked feeling both frightened and confused as he noted the two boxes sitting on the dining room table and Ben’s large bag in the middle of the living area. Ben looked up from another box in the kitchen.


“Pretty obvious don’t you think?” Ben replied then returned to his task.


“You’re moving out?” Michael demanded his tone incredulous. “Why?”


“You lied to me Michael.” Ben stated firmly then moved past him placing the now packed box with the others on the dining table.


“Ben—“ Michael started but Ben whirled around raising his hand freezing the words in Michael’s throat.


“Don’t. Don’t deny it. Don’t try to justify it. Just don’t.” He moved to the bookcase where another half packed box was sitting on the floor.


“You aren’t even going to let me explain?” Michael stood surveying the room realizing all the little things that were now missing from his home. Each one had been a reminder of his lover.


“You don’t have to. I finally get it.” Ben’s voice was muffled as he worked to sort the books.


“What do you get? You aren’t letting me even try to explain. I was just trying—“


“To help your best friend right?” Ben glanced up meeting Michael dark eyes. Michael raised his eyebrows and gave a nod of concession. “So tell me was it worth it?” He continued to stare into the man.


“Was what worth it? Worth what?” Michael asked swallowing against the lump in his throat.


“Was helping your best friend worth losing your partner?” He asked softly.


“Ben, we can work this out.” Michael whined.


“I used to think that back when I believed that it was just that you loved Brian more, and well I’d always known that.” Ben paused. He stood and leaned back against the bookshelf before continuing. “Now I’m not sure if you did what you did because you love Brian so much or because you hate Justin so much more.” He shook his head then tossed the books into the box. The loud smack of the books hitting the box caused Michael to jump in shock. “I could rationalize your actions toward Brian as some warped form of overprotective compassion but what you did to Justin, after all the shit he endured this past year, well, that was nothing short of being cruel. I never thought you had it in you.” Ben’s voice sounded so hollow and defeated.


“I don’t hate Justin.” Michael replied.


“More lies.” Ben knelt and finished packing the stack of books.


“No, I’m not lying. I don’t hate Justin. I don’t think he’s right for Brian but I don’t hate him.” Michael spat defensively.


“You jeopardized his job. He has a son to support Michael. What the hell were you thinking? What if Max had gotten pissed off or just tired of the whole fiasco and fired him? What if he just decided one day that he didn’t want to play anymore so he found some feeble excuse and let him go? I won’t even go into the ethics of Brian’s situation. He’s working on Tyler’s campaign.” Ben spat.


“I wasn’t thinking about all of that.” Michael admitted softly.


“Well that’s why it’s not a good thing for any of us to play God. You have to think of all of that. You have to realize it isn’t just about getting your way or what you think is best. Who the hell do you think you are Michael? You think your life is some perfect utopia? You think you’ve managed your life perfectly? What makes you think you’d be any better at running Brian’s or Justin’s?” Ben stopped and forced himself to calm down. He knew getting upset like this was hard on him physically. He couldn’t afford to stay so angry.


“Ben?” Michael step forward. “Don’t go.”


“There’s no reason to stay.” He offered.


“Of course there is. I love you and you love me.” Michael felt the tears sting his eyes.


“How can I love you Michael? I don’t even know you. The man I fell in love with isn’t capable of hurting someone like this.” Ben placed the final box on the table. “That’s all my stuff. I’m going to have to find a place to live for now so I’ll be back later to move it.” He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. Michael rushed to him and held him in place.


“Ben, I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have ever gotten involved. I just didn’t want to see Brian get hurt again. I just didn’t want him to feel rejected and alone again.” Ben pulled out of the man’s arms.


“But it’s okay for me to feel that way.” Ben’s soft blue eyes betrayed the hurt and disappointment raging through the larger man.


“No. I never meant for it to hurt you. You have to believe me.” Michael pleaded.


“Why should I? You lied to me.” Cool steel replaced the soft blue as Ben fortified his resolve. “Michael, there is nothing noble about manipulating your friend. I’ll call before I come by.” With that he opened the door and was gone.


Michael continued to stand in the ruins of what had been his life with Ben Bruckner. He couldn’t believe how terrible the day had been. In one day he’d lost his best friend and now his partner. Sighing he slumped down onto the couch, convinced it couldn’t get any worse.


The phone began to ring somewhere in the background. He knew he wasn’t in any condition to talk so he decided to let the machine answer. The sound of his mother’s voice was both a wonderful and terrible thing.


“Michael, it’s your mother, what the hell did you do now?” She ranted. Michael’s face twisted into a small ironic grin.


‘Wrong again Novotny. It just got worse.’


*************************************


Brian noticed that the door was propped open and he made a mental note to remind Justin yet again to keep his door locked. Listening, he let the voices lead him to Stephen’s bedroom. There he found an elaborate train system set up and the two blonde’s intent on keeping them running on time.


“Bwi!” Stephen greeted him, pushing up onto his feet and heading for the other man. Justin rolled onto his back raising one eyebrow as he considered the man towering above him in the doorway.


Brian picked up Stephen while at the same time offering Justin a silent apology for what he had said earlier.


“I know.” Justin allowed, then rolled back to the trains so that he could fix a bridge that was on the verge of collapse.


“Pway.” Stephen demanded wiggling free of the man and heading back to join his father.


Brian moved along side Justin unsure of how to join this game. He hadn’t spent time with Gus playing things like this. He’d always just kicked the ball around or taken him to the park. Stephen handed Brian a blue engine. Brian looked at it then settled down onto the floor and placed it on the rail.


“That’s Paul.” Justin stated. “He’s Stephen’s favorite.” He hoped that Brian would understand the significance of his son’s gesture. Brian smiled and Justin wasn’t surprised to see that the man was fully aware of what he had just been entrusted with. “You must be very special to him.” Justin stated smiling a warm and comforting smile.


“Daddy, pway!” Stephen demanded having no patience for talking when there was a railway to manage. Brian and Justin both chuckled. The three continued with the game for another half hour until a yawn from Stephen signaled that it was nap time.


“How’s your head?” Brian asked kissing the object of his concern.


“Better.” Justin replied. “But I was hoping to catch a little more sleep once he is down.” He picked up his son and carried him into the kitchen where he gave the boy a drink of water. Stephen drank greedily then handed it back to Justin. Brian watched as the two went through what was a well worn routine.


A few moments later Justin emerged from Stephen’s room.


“Is he already asleep?” Brian asked surprised by how quickly the boy had gone down. Gus never napped that easily. Justin shook his head then whispered.


“He is listening to a tape and resting. Sometimes he sleeps, well most of the time he sleeps,” He corrected, “but sometimes he just lays down, talks to Mo and rests.” He motioned for Brian to follow him to the bedroom. Quickly stripping off his clothes Justin slid under the sheets and waited for Brian to do the same.


Brian sunk in next to the man and felt Justin shift until his head was resting on Brian’s shoulder. Brian held him wondering if this was truly about sleep or if Justin had more planned for their naptime.


“I’m beat.” Justin admitted on cue. Brian nodded into the top of Justin’s head. “I just needed to feel you against me.” The blonde replied then began drifting away.


“We have things to talk about?” Brian admitted hesitantly. Justin kissed his chest in response. It was an acknowledgement and a gesture of comfort. Brian tightened his hold on the slim body in his arms. How had he almost blown this again? How had he managed to almost lose Justin for the second time?


Brian realized as Justin kissed his chest once more that it didn’t matter that he had almost lost the blond, because for whatever reason, fate, luck or divine intervention, he hadn’t lost him. Justin was here and suddenly Brian felt like maybe the risk he had taken four years before, walking into a crowded room of teenagers, hadn’t been for nothing after all. Maybe, just maybe, they were finally back to that parking garage standing in each other’s breath, the whisper of hope and the ache of a promise filling the air around them. Brian shifted, moving even closer to the smaller man, knowing that this time things would be different. This time he knew that he’d never let Justin walk away. This time he wouldn’t turn his back. This time there would be no “Later”. This time there would only be “Now.”


Brian lay in the quiet room listening to the soft voice of Stephen having a deep conversation with his Elmo, and the rhythmic breathing of the warm body lying in his arms. He found himself relaxing further into the mattress feeling something he hadn’t allowed him to feel very often in his life. He felt happy. He felt overwhelmingly happy. It seemed odd given the painful conversation he’d had with Michael earlier in the day, but he couldn’t deny it. He felt more than just happy. He knew what was causing him to feel so euphoric. He knew it beyond a shadow of any doubt. He thought about a sunshine smile and a special blue train and he accept it. He was loved.


**************************


“So he was there?” Ted’s voice sounded slightly panicked.


“Oh yeah he was there alright and just as cocky an asshole as ever.” Em noted as he reached for another of Vic’s cookies. “I think the chocolate ones would work better without the nuts. So many people are allergic to nuts.” He offered his opinion to Vic who nodded in agreement.


“So you turned down the job?” Ted repeated what he already knew to be true. He was slightly concerned with this turn of events since he was serving as Em and Vic unofficial accountant.


“It was the right thing to do.” Vic stated absently. “I think I will put nuts in the butter cream drops.” He replied. “They need them for the added texture.” Em considered the man’s words then agreed.


“So did you tell Justin yet?” Ted asked growing weary of the ongoing cookie debates. Both men looked up at him for the first time.


“No.” They stated in unison.


“Why not? If I were him I’d want to know.” Ted offered, outraged that either man would consider keeping such important news from the blond. The other two men sighed and looked at one another.


“He’s right.” Vic replied hesitantly. Em nodded.


“Yeah, but who’s going to do it?” He asked.


“You.” Vic replied. “It will be easier coming from you.”


“It would be easier coming from Brian but who’s going to tell Brian.” Emmett grimaced at the very idea of telling the tall brunet that Hobbs was back in town.


“He already hates me. I’ll tell him.” Ted stated firmly. “What’s the worst thing he could do to me?”


“Hit you?” Vic offered.


“Brian would never hit me.” Ted stated though he sounded more confident than he felt.


“Oh really?” Emmett quipped.


“Yeah.” Ted replied maintaining his bravado.


“Why is that?” Vic asked curiously.


“I’m not worth it.” He sighed. Em laughed and reached for his friend. “Oh Teddy if only he knew. You are so worth it. Trust me. I’d hit you.” Em continued until Ted was laughing as well.


“I’ll hit you right now if you want me to.” Vic teased. Ted shook his head then moved to give the business partners more room to plan their event.


“I think I’ll take that as my cue to leave this little love fest before you two get more demonstrative.” He joked.


“Are you going to tell him now?” Vic asked.


“Nah. He had a rough night with Justin last night. I think I’ll give it a day or two.” Someone knocked at the door so Ted moved to answer it. He watched both men accept his reasoning then turn back to their culinary task.


He was surprised to find Ben standing on their front porch.


Ted stood back and ushered the larger man into their humble home. Ben’s gaze met Vic’s. He quickly looked away.


“Ben?” Vic greeted him suddenly aware that something was terribly wrong. He looked as though he had just lost his best friend. It was then that he stood and moved toward the other man.


“I’m needing a place to stay.” Ben confessed his mouth seeming to linger over the last word drawing it out far longer than he should have. He was looking at Ted but very much aware of Vic moving up beside him.


“For you and Michael?” Emmett asked from the table where he and Vic had been working. Ben grimaced for a moment before shaking his head.


“Just for me.” He stated firmly glancing momentarily at Vic before continuing. “Michael and I are no longer going to be seeing each other.” He swallowed and it was obvious that he was struggling.


“What happened?” Vic asked laying his hand on the bigger man’s shoulder. “No, let me guess.” He paused giving Ben a sympathetic look. “Brian?”


“It wasn’t Brian’s fault. He didn’t ask for Michael to manipulate a client into keeping him busy while Michael worked to set up Max with Justin.” Ben tried to sound objective as possible but his anger was still very evident.


“No.” Emmett gasped. “You’re kidding.” He demanded. This was too much even for Michael.


“I’m afraid so.”


“Do Brian and Justin—“ Ted began mentally pushing back the date he had tentatively selected to speak to Brian about Hobbs.


“Max confessed everything to them first thing this morning.” Ben replied.


“Here have a seat?” Ted ushered Ben in to the living room. Ben resisted for a moment.


“I really have to find a place—“


“You can stay here. We have room.” Emmett announced. “We can use Teddy’s car and go pick up your things whenever you’re ready.” He hated working against Michael knowing how devastated his friend would be losing Ben like this, but at the same time Emmett couldn’t help but see that Michael had brought all of it on himself.


“You know Deb’s going to offer as well.” Vic added sitting down next to Ben on the couch.


“That’s very kind.” Ben acquiesced. “But I really don’t think that would be a good idea. It will be hard enough that I’m here with his friends.” He openly admitted.


“You know, I can see your point.” Ted stated nervously. Em stared at him pointedly.


“What point?” Em asked sounding confused.


“Ben’s point about Michael needing us as well and perhaps his staying here would damage our friendship.” Ted replied sounding more defensive with each word. Emmett nodded then gave Ben a tight smile.


“Would you excuse us for a moment?” He rose then glanced at Ted. “I need to speak to you in the kitchen.” Ted offered an apologetic smile to Ben before following his friend.


Once they were out of ear shot Emmett turned to address the other man. “What is that all about?” He demanded.


“What?” Ted asked innocently.


“I can see Ben’s point blah blah blah.” Emmett mocked.


“Well I can.” Ted defended his words, finding Emmett’s impersonation insulting.


“Well you know what I see?” Emmett asked glaring down at this friend. “I see one man who needs a place to stay who happens to be positive and another man with an empty guest room too pissed in his pants scared to let him.” Emmett waited for Ted to deny it. When he didn’t Emmett pressed on. “Ben is more than aware of how people get infected. He would never do anything to expose us. We have to trust him.” Ted nodded nervously.


“I just—“


“You’re scared.” Emmett stated. Ted nodded again. “Then ask him. Ask him what he does to keep from exposing others. Ask him the risks. He’d much rather you be honest about your concern then make this about choosing sides. He’s our friend Teddy. Talk to him.” Ted nodded hating to admit that Emmett had made a good point. Turning he headed back into the living room feeling like a silly scolded child.


“Everything okay?” Vic asked staring past Ted to Emmett who merely smiled.


“I’m not worried about Michael.” Ted admitted taking his seat once more. “I’m worried about Em and I.” He glanced up feeling ashamed.


“Oh.” Ben immediately understood. “Well I can find—“


“No.” Ted stopped him. “I just need for you to explain to me how it is that we can live side by side without risking infection.”


“Not planning on fucking Ben now are you Ted?” Vic asked feeling angry at the prejudice that was present even among the gay community.


“No.” Ted replied.


“I understand your concern. It’s a scary disease, but I know how to keep people around me safe. I’ve read all the literature. I know all the ways people can get infected and I am absolutely determined that I won’t infect another person.” Ben stated firmly. “I would never risk either of you.” Ted nodded feeling ashamed.


“I’m sorry.”


“No, don’t be.” Ben stood. “So does this mean that I can stay?”


“Of course you can.” Ted stood and extended his hand. “I might have a few questions.” He offered.


“I’ll be happy to answer all of them, but first can we get my things?” He asked.


“I’ll go with you.” Emmett moved to get his coat.


“I have to call Michael. I said I would give him a heads up.” Ben headed for the closest phone.


“Guess I’ll head to the Diner. I’m sure Deb knows about this by now. I’m sure her head’s popping off her shoulders about now.” Vic stood and gathered up his papers.


Ted walked Vic to the door. “I’m sorry about that.”


“Don’t be sorry Ted.” Vic replied softly. “It’s part of the disease. People get scared. Trust me, Ben and I are use to it.” He gave a weary smile then left.


“Ready to go?” Ted asked as Ben hung up. He nodded. He was trying to put up a brave front but it was obvious to both men that he was struggling to hold it together.


“It’s his loss Ben.” Ted replied.


“It’s a loss for both of us.” Ben corrected as they headed out to gather the remnants of the life he’d spent three years building with a partner he now knew he couldn’t trust.
You must login (register) to review.