Downloads : 
Endings and Beginnings - Book 4
Chapter 1
“Brian?” Dr. Stewart moved quickly reaching out to steady the tall brunet before he collapsed. He managed to get Brian into a chair. He knelt in front of the man. “Brian?” He asked again. Brian eyes cleared and he met the man’s concerned gaze. “What just happened?” Stewart asked taking the man’s pulse and monitoring his breathing.
“That song. That was the song.” He glanced up at Max who seemed shell shocked by Brian’s reaction. It was so similar to Justin’s on Friday.
“I don’t understand.” Dr. Stewart persisted relieved that the man’s pulse and breathing were returning to normal.
“The night of the bashing.” Brian’s eyes sought out Stewart’s, “We danced to that song. He couldn’t remember it. He tried but…..nothing.”
“It could be that his mind is healing and now feels it can let down whatever blocks it erected.” Dr. Stewart theorized. “The brain is an amazing machine. Justin was lucky to have recovered as well as he did.” He glanced back through Justin’s chart. “Very lucky.” He replied with more conviction.
“What does it mean?” Max asked causing Dr. Stewart to stare off for a long moment. He finally shook his head.
“I have no idea.” He replied.
“Could it have triggered the migraine?” Brian asked.
“Well I’m sure all of this is very stressful for Justin. I mean it’s traumatic to have memories return suddenly let alone painful frightening memories.” He paused. “You say he couldn’t put the dancing and the song together?” Dr. Stewart asked Max. Max shook his head.
“He said he’d been waking with the song for some time.” Max glanced at Brian and saw the pain in the man’s eyes. He looked away. This was not the Brian Kinney he wanted to see. “He always knew he’d had a great dream but could never remember it no matter how hard he tried. He said he’d finally just accepted he might never know. It seemed that the song with our dancing did cause the panic attack though.” Max confessed. “I’d never seen him like that.” He glanced at Brian again then back to the doctor.
“He’ll sleep for a while. I’ll send another shot home with you.” He glanced at Brian. They’d been through all this years ago. It was the standard operating procedure. “Then I want to see him no later than Tuesday in my office.” Max wanted to protest and insist that the shot and prescription be entrusted to him but in all honesty felt relieved that Brian was taking on the responsibility. It all seemed more than Max was comfortable bearing.
Brian accepted the syringe then thanked the doctor.
“When he wakes you can take him home.” Stewart paused in the door. “Brian, I want you to come with him on Tuesday.” Brian furrowed his brow. “We need to talk.” The man added before disappearing through the door.
**************************
“Where’s Brian?” Michael asked as he moved up behind Ben. Ben turned eyeing both Michael and Tyler suspiciously before answering.
“He’s in the back with Justin.” Tyler immediately began moving down the hall that Ben had indicated. Ben watched him go feeling irritated but not sure why.
“Well let’s go.” Michael huffed pulling on Ben’s arm. Ben pulled away from the other man’s persistent pull.
“No.” He replied firmly. “I’m waiting until I know that Justin is alright.”
“Isn’t Max here?” Michael asked looking around the waiting area.
“He’s back there with Justin and Brian.” Ben replied returning to the chair he had been sitting in when Michael and Tyler had appeared.
“I’m not sitting here all night pretending to give a shit about Justin.” Michael spat.
“Pretending?” Ben asked indignantly.
“You know how things are between Justin and me.” Michael replied defensively.
“Pretending?” Ben repeated again staring at the smaller man as if he’d never seen him before.
“Ben, Justin has been nothing but trouble since he showed up five years ago. He’s hurt Brian, he’s hurt me and if you don’t keep your distance he’ll hurt you too.” He crossed his arms and stood waiting for the man to accept his logic and leave.
“Justin had never done anything to hurt you.” Ben stated firmly.
“What about Rage?” Michael ranted.
“You went behind his back, after I warned you to stay out of it, and betrayed him to Brian. What the hell did you think was going to happen? What if he’d done that to you?” Ben demanded.
“He’d never have to. I’d never keep something like that from you.” Michael assured his lover.
“Really?” Ben smiled slightly realizing he’d just been handed a prime opportunity. “Then what’s going on between you, Max and Tyler?” He watched and noticed a quick moment of panic in Michael’s eyes. It didn’t matter from that moment on what the other man said, Ben knew.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about? I brought Tyler here to get Brian.” Michael’s mind was reeling as he tried to consider what Ben might have heard or seen.
“What about the phone call?” Ben asked taking a stab in the dark. Michael swallowed hard.
“I told you that it was a distributor.” He stuck to his story. It seemed the best course. Ben knew he couldn’t prove anything, but now had no doubt something was up. He nodded and seemed to accept Michael’s explanation. Michael felt a wave of relief. He would have to be more careful in the future. Looking up he noticed Tyler tearing down the hall way towards him.
“I need a lift.” He announced.
“Where’s Brian?” Michael asked staring down the hallway where Tyler had just come.
“He’s with the sick boy.” He spat. “Apparently he’s the only one who can possibly handle poor pathetic little Justin so I’m heading out on my own tonight.” Michael chewed his bottom lip trying to decide how to fix the situation. Brian didn’t need to keep taking care of Justin. This was how it always seemed to work. This is how they always found their way back to one another. It had happened this way after the bashing, after Ethan’s death and now after whatever the hell had happened at dinner.
“Well I’m off.” Max came walking past the men. “Anyone need a ride?” He offered.
“Yeah.” Tyler replied. “I need to get back to Brian’s loft.”
“Wait, aren’t you staying here with Justin?” Michael stood with his back to Ben giving Max a stern glare.
“They’re releasing him once he wakes up and then Brian has the meds he will need. He’s been down this road before. It’s better that he take care of Justin than me.” Max replied fully aware of the transparency of his rationalization. He knew he was chickening out, but truly felt out of his depth with Justin at the moment.
“You are staying to see how he is?” Ben’s voice caught all three men’s attention.
“They have no idea when he might wake.” Max justified.
“Do they know what triggered it?” Ben asked standing and making his way closer to Max.
“Stress.” Max replied. “He’s apparently been remembering some things.”
“About the wreck?” Ben asked and felt Michael’s arm wrap around his waist.
“No.” Max stated softly looking at Michael and then at Ben. “About the bashing, about his prom night that he had with Brian.” Ben stood dumbfounded as did Michael.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Tyler broke the silence. Max glanced over then motioned for the door.
“I’ll tell you on the way over to Brian’s.” He offered. Ben and Michael watched as the two men made their exit.
“I think I’ll be going too.” Ted stated softly. He turned to Ben. “Michael can give you a ride home and I can just call and check on Justin with Brian.” Ted started toward the door.
“Thanks for the ride Ted.” Ben offered. Ted waved back over his shoulder.
“What exactly do you think Justin is remembering?” Michael asked. Ben cast a look down the long hall where Justin had been taken earlier.
“I don’t know.” He replied. “But it’s long past time that they dealt with this.” He started down the hallway feeling Michael pull out of his grip.
“Where are you going?” Michael asked sounding like a spoiled child.
“I’m going to tell Brian and Justin goodbye and to let them know that they can call us if they need anything.” Ben stated as he continued on his way. Michael hung back. He needed time to think. He had to find a way to sidetrack this trip down memory lane. He would think of something. He had to for Brian’s sake. Maybe it wasn’t so much that he needed to keep them out of the past but he needed to remind Brian of a different past, a more recent one when Justin had played him for a fool then humiliated him in front of every queer in Pittsburgh.
***************************
“Remembering what?” Emmett asked as he handed Stephen another squeaky toy hoping this one would buy him enough time to discuss all that had happened at the hospital with Ted.
“I don’t know.” Ted replied. “That’s all Max said.”
“Jeez.” Deb hissed taking a seat next to Vic on the couch. “Poor Sunshine.”
“Poor Brian.” Lindsay replied and received a shocking nod of agreement from everyone in the room.
“It was hell for both of them that’s for sure.” Emmett replied. “I wonder how much of what happened with Justin and Ethan had to do with that night?”
“None.” Melanie replied. “Justin left Brian because he was a conceited, self-centered prick. He was that before and after the prom.” Lindsay poked Melanie in the ribs then indicated Gus who was sitting on the floor playing with Stephen.
As if on cue the little boy looked up at his mothers and asked. “What’s a prick?” Lindsay glared at Melanie then smiled at her son.
“Mommy was just joking about Daddy. That isn’t a very nice word. Daddy isn’t that." Lindsay cooed and grew further agitated when Melanie snorted in disbelief.
“Well I’m going to call Brian’s cell and see what’s going on.” Deb replied. She headed for her wall of numbers to get the one she needed.
She heard the phone ring once before Brian’s voice snapped at her.
“He’s still sleeping. I’ll call later.” He replied then disconnected. Deb stared at the phone for a moment then hung it back up.
“Well?” Vic asked anxiously.
“He’s still sleeping and take my advice don’t call Brian, he’ll call us.” She was obviously irritated with the man but still had too many problems of her own to concern herself with Brian. She was still wondering what the hell was up with Michael. He’d seemed far to close to both Max Collins and that Tyler character. Something wasn’t right. She wasn’t sure what it was but she had every intention of finding out. Maybe Ben knew something. She would ask him the next time she saw him.
********************************
“Hey.” Brian had just returned his phone to his jacket when he heard Justin’s voice. It was hoarse and soft the way he remembered it always being during one of these hellish headaches.
“Hey.” He swallowed hard then moved brushing the hair off of Justin’s forehead. “Sorry if the phone woke you. It was Deb.” He replied.
“Is Stephen okay?” He asked covering his eyes with his forearm.
“Yeah, how’s the head?” He asked softly remembering how sensitive Justin was to any noise during one of these bouts.
“Better.” Justin sighed keeping his eyes closed and covered.
“Dr. Stewart was here. He gave me another shot you can have later and a refill on your meds. He said once you check out with the nurse you can go home.” Brian stated his voice falling over Justin like a warm blanket. He felt tired and his head still pounded though now it seemed slightly muffled.
“I don’t think I can manage Stephen-“ Justin began but Brian stopped him.
“Stephen is parked with Vic and Deb tonight. I’m taking you home and staying with you.” His voice sounded further away. Justin felt like he was floating somewhere and wondered if Brian were floating somewhere else. When he opened his eyes again the nurse was shining a bright light into them.
“Shit.” He slammed his lids shut then pushed the light away. Brian gritted his teeth. He would never understand hospital release procedures. They were finally green lighted and Brian helped Justin to his feet. A wheel chair appeared with an enthusiastic orderly propped up behind it. Justin was seated as Brian hurried ahead to pull the corvette up to the ER door.
With a little help Brian managed to get a groggy Justin in the car.
“You’re not going to throw up again are you?” He asked eyeing the man warily. Justin’s mouth curled up in the corners just enough to let Brian know that his concerned amused the blond. He shook his head slightly then settled further into the seat.
Brian slowly pulled away from the hospital.
“Do you have any meds at home?” He asked softly knowing that if Justin didn’t he would need to get the prescription filled on their way back to Justin’s house. Justin nodded slightly and Brian relaxed a bit concentrating on getting Justin home and in bed.
**************************
He sat in his car parked on the darkened street. He continued to stare at the house three down and to the right. It was a normal little house. It was nothing special. It certainly wasn’t anything like the houses he had lived in. It was too small and nondescript.
He sipped on his now luke warm coffee wondering how late the man would be out. He thought he had his routine down by now. He’d been watching him now for four months. It had all started one day when he’d spotted him on the street downtown. He’d been rushing somewhere. He hadn’t noticed that he was being followed. People are so oblivious. You had to hit them over the head to get their attention. He chuckled at that, but realized it was more out of discomfort than real humor.
That day the man had led him to the place where he worked. From there it had been easy. Such a small, unimportant life and yet he wasn’t able to escape this man’s pull. He had no idea what compelled him to sit night after night waiting and watching. He didn’t dwell on those thoughts. They made him worry about his sanity. He knew he wasn’t crazy. He was far too successful to be crazy.
He noticed headlights in this rear view mirror and scrunched down in the seat until the car passed. He watched as Kinney’s vette pulled into the drive way behind Justin’s beetle. He watched as Kinney helped the smaller man into the house. He was obviously drunk. The blond was weaving back and forth. It was ridiculous. Kinney managed to get him into the house.
He waited until they had shut the door before he turned the engine over and quietly pulled away from the curb. That was all he had wanted, all that he had needed. Just a glimpse, it was all that it took to calm him and help him breathe again. It was like soothing music to the savage beast lulling him out of his need to control and conquer. Now he could head back to his house, live his life for a few days until the need grew once more, then he’d be forced to come back for yet another glimpse.
******
It took some doing but Brian managed to get Justin into the house and into his bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress watching the blond sleep. It had been weeks since they’d been together. He thought about what Justin had told him earlier. He was starting to remember. He wondered how long Justin had been walking around with that song in his head? Max had stated that he’d been waking from time to time singing it after an amazing dream. Brian wondered if in that dream Justin had been reliving that dance.
Brian had dreamed of that dance for years. He still did when things were stressful especially in the spring. Brian realized suddenly that in a couple of weeks it would be his birthday and the anniversary of the best and worst night of his life. Maybe that was why all of this was happening. Justin moaned then shifted further under the covers. Brian reached up and stroked the side of Justin’s face wishing he could take away all the effects of the bashing with a wave of his hand. It wasn’t fair that Justin still endured constant reminders of that night. He should be allowed to put it behind him once and for all. Chris Hobbs surely had.
Brian started to rise then felt a hand on his arm.
“Don’t go.” Justin whispered. “Hold me.” Brian slowly undressed and crawled under the blanket spooning the man’s lean body.
“It’s okay Justin. Just relax.” He whispered against his neck. Justin felt the warm air against his skin and Brian’s hands now tracing small circles on his stomach. He did as he had been instructed and relaxed deeper into Brian’s arms.
“Thanks for tonight.” Justin mumbled then drifted off never hearing Brian’s reply.
“Anything for you, Justin. I’d do anything for you.” Brian held the smaller man against him, his mind going back to the sound of their song being sung off key by Max Collins. He had mentioned that Justin woke with the song but had never remembered where he had heard it. He tightened his hold and buried his face in the soft blond hair trying to hold back the memories of that same hair sticky and stiff with blood.
Justin remembered all of that now. He remembered the pain. Brian had hoped that he would never know that part of it, but somehow Justin knowing of his desperation made it easier to bear. He felt those old feelings of helplessness strangle him once more. He’d come so close to losing him that night. Then again less than a year later Justin had walked out by choice. All over some stupid fucking words that Brian had already given him in that dirty dark parking garage as he lay on that red stained concrete slab.
Justin shifted and buried himself further into Brian’s arms. Brian had missed this feeling. He had missed how right it felt to hold the younger man, to hear his steady breathing, to smell the sandalwood scent of his soap. Brian knew that tonight was but a respite. Tomorrow the sun would rise ushering in reality. They would go back to their separate lives joined forever by the memory of that night but separated by their own human frailties.
Somewhere in the midst of his thoughts Brian drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
*************************************
Max shuffled aimlessly around his apartment looking for any task that would keep him busy. He’d taken Tyler by Brian’s then headed straight home. Now he was desperately searching for anything that would distract him from thinking about Justin and all the other thoughts connected to the man.
“I can’t believe I let Novotny talk me into this.” He hissed as he reached for some cleaner and began wiping down the mirror in the bathroom. “I should have known better. How will I ever explain it?” He sighed leaning down on the bathroom counter. He’d let his need to have Justin out weigh his integrity.
He thought about Tyler. The man had been completely unfeeling where Justin and the bashing were concerned. He kept asking the same stupid question.
‘That was four years ago. Why is Brian still so hung up on him?’
“Because he loved him you stupid prick.” Max had wanted to yell back but instead he’d merely shrugged then motioned for the man to get out of his car. Brian did love Justin. It had been obvious when he’d realized what song Justin had been humming.
Max found himself accepting all that the revelation meant. Justin was remembering. Justin wanted to remember. Brian needed Justin to remember. It was as if the two men were putting a puzzle together and now they had both finally found the missing piece.
Max sighed deeply accepting that the night that should have marked the beginning of his new place in Justin’s life had instead turned out to be the end. Even if he could find the ability to fuck Brian over, he couldn’t hurt Justin that way.
Now he just had to decide once and for all if he was going to confront Michael. At the very least Justin and Brian had a right to know what was going on. Max put the cleaner away. There wasn’t enough bleach in the world to rid him of the dirty feeling he had over the way he had conducted himself the last few weeks.
Looking up in the sparkling mirror he was surprised that he even recognized himself. This wasn’t like him. He wasn’t usually the devious sort. He’d never wanted anyone more than he wanted Justin Taylor. As he continued to stare at his reflection Max smiled realizing that there was someone he wanted more than Justin. He wanted himself. He wanted the old Max back.
As he headed for bed he vowed to get him back tomorrow. It would all start bright and early with a couple of calls and a heart felt confession.
*******************************
Ben lay in bed mulling over the events of the day. He felt Michael roll over again jarring the bed. He was very restless for some reason. Ben had to wonder if it was the man’s guilty conscience. Sometimes Michael acted like a child.
At first Ben had been attracted to that. He’d found the innocence and naiveté endearing. Now though he just wished Michael could get past the tantrums and pouts. The way he felt toward Justin was completely unjustified. Ben had been patient the first time around, but had made it clear a few months ago that Michael needed to butt out of their business.
Ben had always been aware that Michael had feelings for Brian. They’d even discussed it early on in their relationship, but Michael had assured Ben that he had wanted to be with him. He knew Brian wasn’t right for him and wanted to start a life with the professor. Ben found himself filled with doubt. Maybe he was just some consolation prize. He’d never really considered this fact. Why hadn’t he seen it before? Maybe he had just felt so fortunate that someone was willing to look past his HIV and love him that he had settled for something less than he wanted. He glanced over and suddenly felt as though perhaps he didn’t even know the man lying beside him.
Surely Michael wasn’t capable of scheming to keep Brian and Justin apart. He was Brian’s best friend. He should want the man to be happy. Justin seemed to make Brian happier than Ben had ever seen him. There was something nagging him as he continued to piece together all that happened at Deb’s.
Ben considered the looks he had noticed between Michael and Max. Ben sighed and shook his head. He wondered if perhaps he was just imagining things. He found himself time and time again hearing the conversation he’d overheard on the phone coupled with the image of the look Michael and Max had exchanged.
Ben rolled on his side and stared into the troubled face of his lover.
“What have you done?” He whispered. Deep in sleep, Michael didn’t respond. Ben hadn’t expected him to, but tomorrow that was going to change. He’d find his answers one way or the other.
