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Endings and Beginnings
Chapter 12
Lindsay and Melanie headed into the GLC early the next morning to make sure that everything from the Saturday show and auction had been cleaned up and stored properly. It had been a huge success. Lindsay blushed and beamed as several board members approached her to congratulate her on the success of the show.
“I’m so glad they are taking the time to tell you what a good job you did Babe.” Mel said leaning in to kiss Lindsay.
“I’m just so glad that it was successful. I was a nervous wreck all day Friday about it. I am honestly just glad that it is over.” Lindsay closed the storage closet feeling satisfied that the clean up crew had stored everything properly.
“Lindsay!” Max Collins called. “I’m surprised to see you here so early.” He walked over. “Melanie.” He greeted and Melanie smiled.
“Well we had an early wake up call from my son’s father.” Melanie answered for her sounding a little irritated though Lindsay had no idea why. After all Brian’s invitation to take Gus for a very early breakfast gave them the chance to lay in bed making love for a couple of hours without any interruptions. She personally missed their bouts of morning sex they use to have before becoming mommies.
“I wanted to talk to you about a job.” Max turned his attention back to Lindsay.
“I already have a part time job at the college.” Lindsay explained.
“I know.” He began. “But I really need someone I can trust with the new Art School we will be launching in the next month.” He wiggled his eyebrows after dropping his news.
“We got the grant?” Lindsay gushed.
“Yes we sure did.” Max replied exuberantly. “A five year grant to offer art classes to the public. We are looking to launch with both beginner and intermediate classes in the next couple of months and then eventually add advanced classes by summer.” He beamed. It had always been his dream that the Center would have something to offer to the community as a whole to bridge the gap that always seemed to exist between their community and the straight world.
“Max!” Lindsay leaned in hugging him. She had known that this had been his dream. “This is amazing.”
“Thanks. I sort of put the cart before the horse though and have already ordered the supplies without an instructor.” He shook his head. “That’s why I need your help.”
His eyes were pleading. Lindsay wanted to help him but she couldn’t give up her position at the University. She was already vested there and they had been so cooperative about working around her decision to put Gus first. Melanie listened to the conversation watching Lindsay closely. She could tell that her partner felt conflicted. She was always trying to help others even if it meant sacrificing herself in the process. Melanie stood by the blonde determined to keep her from making such a sacrifice.
“I wish I could Max. I really do, but I just can’t.” Max nodded a worried expression crossing his face. Lindsay suddenly smiled over at Melanie then back at Max.
“What age are you starting with?” She asked still beaming.
“Well we will start with a few preschool classes this month eventually adding elementary and adult classes each month.” Lindsay nodded. “For the adults it will just be beginner stuff right now and maybe some art appreciation work.” Max raised his eyebrow. “Why?” He asked knowing that the look on her face was promising.
“What if I told you that I know a very talented young artist who is wonderful with children and might be willing to take the position?” Melanie beamed as well. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of it herself.
“I’d say give me this artist’s number.” Max laughed. “When would this person be available?” He asked.
“Well did you hear about Ethan Gold’s death?” Lindsay began. Max nodded. He had actually attended one of Gold’s concerts. He had been a huge fan.
“It was a real loss.” Max commented sadly.
“Well his partner is a very dear friend of ours. You might have heard of him, Justin Taylor.” The name was familiar but Max shook his head.
“I didn’t even realize Gold was gay.” He was shocked. He had seen the man at various events in the cultural arts section of the paper, always a woman on his arm or in the background. Max couldn’t believe that not only was the man gay but he had also had a partner.
“He is an artist. In fact the first time his work was sold was to support the GLC.” She emphasized giving him her best “we owe this kid” tone. “Anyway he is back and is looking for work. What would the position pay?”
Max considered. “What’s he like?”
“Brilliant.” Melanie stated emphatically. “1500 SAT, accepted to Dartmouth but chose instead to attend PIFA.”
“PIFA? Shit!” Max said obviously impressed. “It’s harder to get in there than MIT.” He had applied for three years running before finally deciding he would get his Fine Arts degree at Penn State.
“What do you say? You would have to pay him enough to live though. He has a son to support.” Lindsay was quick to add.
“A son? You mean he and Gold?” Lindsay merely nodded watching as Max tried to digest this new information. “Well if he would be willing to have the teaching responsibilities combined with the Program Director’s then I would say he would be making close to 40.” He nodded. “We have 20 set aside for instructional salaries and 20 for administrative. Then once the program takes off perhaps he could cut back on the classes?” He offered. “The two jobs together though will mean a lot of hours.” He warned.
“Well all you can do is ask. It would be up to him but I think he would be interested especially if you offered free quality care for his child.” Melanie stated. Lindsay smiled and nodded thinking of how happy Gus had always been at the GLC’s daycare.
“He could see his son during the day.” Max offered.
“That will be a huge selling point.” Lindsay said. “He’s basically put his career on hold for the last two years in order to be a full time parent to Stephen.” Max nodded. He had to admire the man for that. He was still trying to place the name.
“His name is so familiar.” He said. Lindsay and Melanie exchanged a quick look each wondering if they should tell him where he probably knew it from. Melanie gave Lindsay a slight nod.
“The prom bashing.” Lindsay said and Max’s eyes lit up.
“Oh.” He said thoughtfully. The entire gay community had been outraged by the incident not to mention the lack of punishment that had befallen his attacker. Community service he thought disgusted all over again.
“Do you want his number?” Lindsay asked. Max nodded. He remembered a few things about the victim of that crime. He had been young, smart and brave. He hadn’t realized he had been an artist as well. Justin Taylor if he was as good as these women claimed he would be perfect for the job. Glancing down at the number in his hand he hoped that perhaps all his problems had just been solved.
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Brian and Gus sat laughing at the sight of Justin who was struggling to get the whipped cream off of Stephen’s forehead. The boy had gone face first into this blueberry pancakes when he had decided that his Father wasn’t feeding him fast enough. Stephen joined in their laughter as Justin smiled and shook his head reaching for yet another napkin.
“He’s wearing more than he ate.” Justin said turning to Brian.
“Was it good Stephen?” Brian asked.
The little boy hopped in his seat. “Um um um” He chanted reaching for his Daddy.
“Dad I have to go.” Gus announced. Brian saw Justin smile over at him as he rose to take his son to the bathroom.
“We’ll finish this up and get the check.” Justin smiled over at Stephen. “Won’t we Whipped Cream Kid?” Stephen just smiled and reached for his sipping cup wanting more milk.
“Don’t pay. This is my treat.” Brian stated over his shoulder. Justin ignored him as he signaled for the waitress. Brian had been paying for everything. It was time he changed that trend.
Justin watched as Brian disappeared into the back. He sighed immediately began talking to his son. “Why did I kiss him last night?” He asked. Stephen stared at his Dad not understanding but enjoying the attention. “It’s too soon.” Justin continued. He’d laid awake most of the night thinking about it.
He’d warned himself over and over not to lean on Brian. He knew he was putting the older man in a dangerous place. There was too much history and unresolved feelings on his part. He didn’t want Brian to think he was a tease or just leading him on. He’d acted without thinking and now he knew it was too soon. How could he explain this to Brain without damaging their renewed friendship? At the same time he felt a load of guilt over the fact that he had wanted to kiss Brian. He’d thought of being with Brian off and on ever since he’d walked out of the man’s life years ago. He’d never gotten over his feelings for Brian. Ethan had known. He hadn’t liked it, but he’d accepted it.
The waitress arrived and he handed the waitress a twenty.
“Do you need any change?” She asked sweetly.
“No.” He said, “But can I get a wet rag to get him cleaned up?” He asked. She nodded and returned a moment later. By the time Brian and Gus returned Stephen was completely cream free and ready to greet the rest of the day.
“Why don’t we head over the Deb and Vic’s?” Brian suggested. “You never got to see them last night.” Justin nodded. He felt his face flush. He’d freaked only moments after the kiss and then asked if they could just pick up Stephen and call it a night. He glanced up and noticed Brian’s gaze.
“Can we talk for a minute?” Justin asked softly. Brian nodded settling back down into the booth. He knew what Justin wanted to talk about and was relieved that he wasn’t going to just continue to act as though it hadn’t happened. Justin glanced at Gus wondering if he should do this in front of the boy or not. He wasn’t sure how Brian was going to take what he had to say.
“Well?” Brian asked waiting for Justin to speak.
“I.” Justin began then sighed as he struggled with an impatient Stephen. “I don’t know where to start.” He admitted. “I don’t want you to think I was leading you on or something. I wanted to--- you know---kiss you. I wanted to.” He looked down trying to gather his thoughts. “It’s just that it’s too soon.” He looked up. “I mean geez what does that say about me right? I mean two weeks and I’m kissing you.” He shook his head knowing his voice was about to fail him as he once again fought a battle with his emotions.
“Justin.” Brian waited until two blue eyes met his. “I understand. You’re going through a lot. I am as much to blame as you. I wanted it as much as you did.” Justin swallowed then looked down again. Brian furrowed his brow. “Is there something else?” He asked steeling himself for what Justin had to say.
“This is nice you know? This whatever it is that we have started here. We kinda had it backwards before you know? I mean sex then friendship. I’m not sure that some of what went wrong wasn’t due to how it all started. Then there was the guilt and my own insecurities. I just need a friend right now. I crossed a line last night and I shouldn’t have. It’s hard because I have all these old feelings that I never really let go of and now you’re here and it’s just so easy to not deal with the rest of it.” Justin shook his head again in frustration this time. “But I have to. I have to deal with the rest of it.” He sighed again then took a deep breath. “I’m not making any sense am I?”
“You are and your aren’t.” Brian stated softly reaching for Justin’s hand. “I have all those same unresolved feelings and I’m having a hell of a time trying to keep them where they need to stay until you get past everything you have to deal with.” Brian reached into his pocket and handed his son a dime.
“The “H” word is only a nickel.” Gus informed him.
“Put the rest on credit. I’ll need it. Trust me.” He turned back to the confused expression on the blonde’s face.
“Swear jar.” Brian rolled his eyes. Justin had to laugh at that. Brian joined him.
“Brian Kinney and swear jar one of these things just doesn’t belong here…” Justin began to sing.
“I know. I know. I’m sure I’ll be broke by the end of the year at this rate.” Brian shrugged. “And stop singing Sesame Street songs, you’ll ruin my reputation.” Justin nodded. Justin reached for Brian’s hand and held it in his own. Both men watched their fingers as they inter twined.
“Let’s just go slow.” Justin stated. “Let’s get the friendship right and then see if the feelings follow.” Brian nodded. He was glad to know that Justin still had those feelings and still held out the hope that there would be a future for them.
“Deal.” Brian agreed. “And we’ll just forget about the kiss?”
“I don’t think I can. I don’t really think I want to.” Justin held Brian’s gaze. “It was a good kiss.” He smiled.
“Well we never really had any problems in that department did we?” Brian was asking. He thought he knew but needed confirmation from the blonde.
Justin shook his head giving him a wicked look that was so familiar Brian felt it to the soles of his feet. He’d missed that look. He’d missed it for three long years and even though he knew it would be awhile before he saw it again, he was determined that he would see it again.
“Can we go now?” Gus asked consumed by boredom. He would never understand how grown ups could sit and just talk forever.
“Let’s go see Deb and Vic.” Brian announced. Gus followed his Dad out of the booth. Once Justin was standing, Brian reached for Stephen. Justin gratefully surrendered his son as they headed out the door.
They were almost to Deb and Vic’s when Justin’s cell phone rang.
“Hello?” He answered.
Brian looked over wondering if Jennifer was checking up on them.
“Yes. Yes.” Justin paused. Brian was trying to ask him who it was but Justin refused to answer. “I really haven’t had much experience with that. No, but I’m sure I could. Yes.” Brian rolled his eyes wondering if telemarketers were getting ballsy enough to call on cell phones.
“When? Tomorrow would be great. Yes well Yes I look forward to meeting you in person as well. 10 o’clock. Yes. That will be fine. Thank you Mr. Collins. Ok Max. Ok. You too. Bye.” He hung up and stared at his phone for a moment.
“Who was that?” Brian asked changing lanes.
“Max Collins. He is the Director of the GLC.” Justin placed his phone back into his pocket.
“What did he want?” Brian was really curious now.
“To interview me for a job at the Center.” Brian looked over his eyebrows raised in surprise.
“Lindsay suggested me. He said that they have received a grant and will be starting art classes in the next few weeks and need a Program Director/Instructor.” Justin felt hopeful and anxious all at the same time.
“Gus went to their daycare. “ Brian offered. “You liked it there didn’t you Sonny Boy?” He called into the backseat.
“What?” Gus asked. He had been playing with Stephen not listening to his father.
“You liked that GLC daycare.” Brian stated.
“Oh yeah. It was fun. I loved my teacher. She would always let us finger paint and not get mad when it got on the tables.” He turned his attention back to Stephen.
“What do you think?” Brian asked hoping that this would be a good thing for Justin.
“I don’t know. It sorta scares me. I’ve never taught before. What if I can’t do it? “ He worried for a moment. “I mean teaching is a gift.”
“Bullshit.” Brian quipped. “Being able to draw is a gift. Teaching is a skill that you can learn.” He pulled up in front of Deb’s house.
“I need to get my resume run off. “ Justin stated.
“We’ll do that as soon as we finish up here ok?” Justin nodded. Brian placed his hand on his shoulder to calm him. “It will be ok Justin. It’s just an interview. It’s just art classes. It’s only a bunch of kids whose parents want them to make a mess at the center and not in their kitchen ok?” Justin smiled raising his hand to cover Brian’s. Brian returned the smile. It was amazing how good Justin’s hand felt.
“You guys getting out of the car or are we suppose to climb in to have a visit?” Deb asked yelling through the closed window. Justin opened his door and was enveloped into a hug.
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Rachel was growing more and more concerned that she hadn’t heard from Justin. She didn’t want to seem pushy but didn’t think the courtesy of a call was too much to expect. Dialing the Taylor’s number she waited as she listened to it ringing.
“Hello.” Shit she thought it’s Molly again.
“Hi Molly, it’s Rachel again.” She heard Molly gasp.
“Oh no I forgot to tell anyone that you called. I’m sorry Rachel.” She muttered sincerely. Rachel felt a wave of relief. At least Justin wasn’t avoiding her on purpose. He had no idea she had called. They had never been close before so there was no reason for her to expect him to call and check on her after the funeral. After all it wasn’t like she had asked Molly to have him call her.
“Well that’s ok sweetheart. Can I speak him now?” She asked patiently.
“He’s not here.” Molly offered.
“Oh.” Rachel replied looking down at her watch. It was a little after nine on Sunday.
“He and Stephen went to breakfast with Brian and Gus.” Molly explained. Rachel felt her body stiffen at the sound of the other man’s name.
“Did you say Brian?” She asked.
“Yeah. Brian Kinney. He and Justin use to date. They’re just friends now. His son Gus and Stephen are friends.” Rachel was quiet for a moment. Ethan had spoken to her about Brian Kinney. He had always feared that Justin would go back to his old lover. She remembered Ethan’s desperation to hang on to Justin. He had been certain that Kinney ever tried to get Justin back that the blonde would have left the musician in a heartbeat. She felt a slow rage building within her.
“I’ll tell Justin that you called.” Molly offered. “I promise I won’t forget this time.” She added to reassure Rachel.
“Does he have a cell phone?” Rachel asked.
“Justin? Yeah do you want his number?” She asked.
“If you don’t mind.” Rachel replied sweetly keeping her temper in check.
“Sure. Hold on.” She heard Molly set the phone down. A moment later she returned.
“Do you have a pen?” Rachel grabbed the one by her bed.
“Go ahead.” As she scribbled the number down she wondered where Justin and her son were now. What the hell did he think he was doing? Ethan had been dead what? Two weeks? And he was already back with this Kinney guy?
“Thanks sweetie. Tell your mother hello.” Rachel didn’t wait for a response she just hung up. She immediately dialed the other number.
Justin was sitting on Deb’s couch looking at pictures of the gang at Christmas. They were all laughing and making fun of the gifts that they had received. He smiled as he pointed to Ted and looked up at Brian.
“I thought he’d like another dildo.” Brian said dryly. “I mean you can’t have too many pink dildos.” Deb covered Gus’ ears but realized that the boy was busy with Stephen and hadn’t even heard his father.
Justin’s cell phone rang. Brian rolled his eyes. “Did you put that number on a bathroom wall somewhere?” He asked. Justin swatted him in the arm as he answered.
“Hello?”
“Oh hi.” He sounded happy but suddenly his face fell. Brian looked to Deb and Vic. They too had noticed the sudden shift in Justin’s expression.
“No it’s not like that. How could you think that? You’re not being fair.” Brian watched as Justin tried to listen to whoever it was that was obviously attacking him over the phone. “I would not. I don’t care what he said. I don’t believe you. Well he was wrong. I don’t know why he would say that. Rachel? Rachel? Listen---“ He was obviously getting an ear full from whoever this Rachel was. Justin stood and moved away from the living room. Brian wasn’t sure if it was to have more privacy or to spare his son. Stephen had noticed the change in his Father’s voice and was now looking up at him with concern. When Justin spoke again his voice was a mixture of anger and misery.
“Well I wouldn’t. I can’t believe you would think that little of me. You have no right---“ He paused turning back to Brian a look of pure terror seizing his face.
“You won’t do that. Rachel don’t even threaten that. Please Rachel. I know. Well I know that. Why would you do that? Rachel? Rachel?” He pulled the phone away from his mouth and stared at it as if it were a lifeline someone had just cut.
“What is it Sunshine?” Deb asked stepping over the kids to get to him.
“That was Rachel, Ethan’s sister. Molly told her I was with you.” He gestured to Brian. “She just went nuts. Ethan had told her about us and had suggested some pretty insulting things. Anyway she said if—“ He paused willing his emotions back under control and his body to stop trembling. “She said that—“ He began again. Brian rose and moved to take him into his arms. Justin moved them all out of hearing range of the children. He started once more.
“She said if jumping back into your bed was how I chose to honor Ethan’s memory that she would have no choice but to take Stephen away from me.” His eyes filled with tears. “Why would she think that of me? I loved him. I can’t believe she would think that we were—“ He collapsed against Brian. Brian felt his own rage at the woman’s accusations. He grabbed up Justin’s cell phone before he could object and punched the redial number.
“Brian don’t.” Justin warned. Brian ignored him moving away.
“Yeah is this Rachel Gold?” He asked. “Good well this is Brian Kinney. Just wanted to call and put your little mind at ease. I’m sure that you’ll be happy to know that Justin has been totally gutted by the loss of your brother. He is absolutely fucking out of his mind with grief, but since that sorry sack of shit didn’t have any life insurance or even have the courtesy to make out a will, Justin doesn’t have the luxury of sitting around for a few weeks in sack cloth and ashes. He has a son to support. Which by the way, Stephen is his top priority. Maybe if you were a little less concerned about your brother’s memory and a little more concerned about the son he left behind, you would realize that Justin needs support right now not false accusations and threats. He doesn’t need some bitch calling and accusing him of unthinkable things during the worst days of his whole fucking life.” Brian paused. It was obvious that Rachel had a few choice words of her own. Deb watched as Brian clenched his jaw tighter. Whatever the woman as saying it wasn’t good.
“Brian.” Justin calmly but firmly reached for the phone. “Stop.” Brian moved away from the man determined to get his point across.
“Why would you do that?” He asked incredulously.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” He yelled.
“Brian.” Justin stated louder demanding that he return his phone.
“How dare you even think that? Do you even know him?”
“Hell no not that it’s any of your business.” Brian spat.
“Yeah well I will send you pictures when that happens. 8x10 glossies ok with you?”
“Oh well after all he was a Saint wasn’t he? Saint Ethan of the let me blow you order.”
“Brian shut the fuck up and give me the phone!” Justin demanded harshly meeting the man’s hazel eyes.
“Well we will. Don’t you worry about that.” He hung up. He handed the phone back to a furious Justin.
“What did she say?” Vic asked. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. He lifted his gaze to meet Justin’s blazing baby blues.
“She said that you had better get a lawyer.”
“Great. Thanks for your help.” Justin sighed wondering what else could possibly go wrong next.
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