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Chapter Six
Present time May 2016
Brian slowly opened his left eye and tried to look around to figure out where he was. The last thing he remembered was going into the building with their ‘contact’, nothing else registered in his mind. All he knew now was that he wasn’t where he should be. The swelling on the right side of his face was not allowing him to get a good look at the situation. His whole body felt like it was on fire, pain emanating from different parts of his body. Worse yet, he felt cold, clammy. He knew that he had caught some virus or something in the God awful place… now was not the time for him to have it become full blown.
Brian tried to sit up, tried to figure out a way out of that place, wherever there was. He knew he had to escape. He had to. Justin was waiting for him. Justin might think he was dead. He had to get home. He had to let Justin know he was alive.
Brian collapsed back down on the ground, trying to fight the dizziness and wishing he could breathe again. Rest. Yeah that was what he needed. Rest.
Then he would get out of there and go home.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
Present time 2016
Komari sat beside her friend. Daphne was busy in the kitchen making them tea. She laid her head on his shoulder offering what comfort she could. “William told me today that he’s sending a team to find Brian. He’ll bring him back to you Justin. William’s word is law around those boys.”
“Thanks Komari, you know Brian wouldn’t want any special treatment.” Justin had to say the words even though he was screaming inside for them to hurry and find his husband. He had never in all their years together once let Brian know what these missions did to him. Endless letters and romantic dinners, countless hours making love but never, never would he let Brian know how he really felt; that there were days when he was dead inside. He fingered the book in his hand. The passages he read told him the same story and he wanted to scream and scream and scream until he couldn’t make a sound for all the secrets, all the lies that they both had been forced to endure. Instead like a good little Navy wife he sat in his chair and allowed Daphne to force-feed him cups of tea. He smiled and nodded at the appropriate times to all those who came to offer their support and he wondered. When Brian was found, when they brought him back, would he be able to smile pretty the next time his man was called on to lead a mission.
Komari knew what Justin was thinking. She picked up his hand, turned his head so that he could look at her. “If you love him, you’ll do what you have to do. You made that decision on the day you agreed to marry him. The hell that Brian is going through is no less than the hell you are going through. If he can go out again, then you will stand by him, steady and true.”
“They should give us wives fucking medals” Justin said bitterly. “We should be covered in them.”
“We stand together Justin, we’re there for each other, we hold each other up when we need to. We do it for our men and we do it for our country.”
“It fucking hurts Komari.”
“I know Justin, that’s why a lot of marriages don’t work.”
Justin looked at her, really looked at her. “I couldn’t do that to him no matter how I feel, I couldn’t hurt him like that. I’d give my life for him, he’ll never know. Never.”
“Justin, do you remember years ago when William and I hosted that little get together for the SEAL candidates after they finished the first stage. I’ll always remember the look on Brian’s face when the two of you were coming down the receiving line.”
Justin chuckled. “I was such an immature brat. How was I to know that you were Admiral Smith’s wife and that Susan was the wife of the Base Commander.” He laughed again, “Remember when I said ‘Hi Smitty, to William and then gave you a hug and Susan a hug, Brian damn near had a stroke.”
The two friends laughed together for a moment. Komari continued. “I remember the look on Brian’s face, he didn’t know whether to growl at you, apologize to William and Robert or to kiss you. But his eyes were full of love for you and in all these years that has never changed.”
~~~***~~~***~~~***
May 2011
Justin was sure he was going to break down and queen out completely. He watched Brian pack what he needed for the next eight weeks. “Are you sure you have everything, that’s not a very big bag?”
“I’m not a pretty boy like you – I don’t need three large suitcases and a trunk.” Brian replied tongue in cheek. “Actually we have a list of what we are to bring and if it isn’t on the list, it isn’t in the bag.” Brian knew what Justin was feeling, he was feeling it himself. He walked over to where Justin was sitting on the bed and threw himself down beside his husband. Pulling him close, he held him while Justin tried to get himself together and then giving up he cried quietly, drenching Brian’s chest. And Brian himself cried, though he would never admit it to anyone.
“I’m sorry Brian, I promised I wasn’t going to cry.” Justin managed to get out. “I mean it’s only eight weeks.”
“That’s right, it’ll be over before you know it. Now I want you to make sure you go back to Maryland and be with your friends. I know you’re determined to sell the house there, but you can use for the next few weeks. Daphne and Lindsay will love to see you and I’m sure the guys at your old office wouldn’t mind you stopping in.”
“Yes sir.”
“Justin, I’m not ordering you to do this. I just want you to be happy and have something to do. You manage to get yourself into the damndest things. I still can’t believe that you’ve been hanging around with Admiral Smith’s and Captain de Cardenas’ wives.”
“We are all just Navy wives, rank doesn’t count when you’re friends.” Justin insisted. It was the argument he’d been using ever since the party.
“Well, YOU aren’t a Navy wife. You’re a Navy spouse.”
“Same thing.” Justin stuck his lip out and Brian leaned over and bit it gently.
“Justin, please just say you’ll go to Maryland so I don’t have to worry about you.”
“I have my ticket already.” Justin leaned up and kissed Brian. “Don’t worry about me. Did I tell you how proud I am to be married to you? Cause I am.” He snuggled closer.
Admiral Smith had told Justin in confidence that when Brian finished his SEAL training he’d be sent to Virginia. Justin was planning on finding them an awesome house during these eight weeks. Not that they could move there yet, but they would eventually.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
May 28, 2011
My Favorite Navy Boy – this is so weird writing an actual letter after years of writing emails – I’ve forgotten all the niceties.
Yes dear, I did leave for Maryland, no I’m not holing up in our little penthouse in the sky. At least not this week. – Gotcha – My flight was uneventful but I was picked up at the airport by Melissa, a friend of Komari’s and I’m staying with her and her husband until I decide what to do with house. Don’t start Navy Boy – the house is too lonely without you, I think I should be allowed to stay with friends. Besides, it doesn’t have much furniture there – remember it’s all in our sky palace as you insist on calling the San Diego apartment.
Daphne and I and Melissa have been exploring the countryside, it keeps us busy and it keeps me from missing you too much – (that’s a lie – I miss you dreadfully)
I’m counting the days and minutes until you and I are together. No I didn’t buy you anything yet – Daphne is keeping an eye on me – why did you have to tell her? For a Navy Boy, you are one big brat sometimes.
I’ve done some sketching and when I get settled I’ll start painting. I think I’ll find myself someone to represent me and maybe do a couple of shows. That is if the art world is ready for nude renditions in living color of my favorite model. Did I tell you he’s hot and does things with his tongue in bed that drive me wild?
Hmmm, I didn’t? Oh well, I’ll tell you about him next time.
When you are officially a SEAL and of course you will be because god knows you’re the best they’ve ever had – I was wondering – can I buy a tee shirt saying Property of this SEAL with an arrow pointing to you?
I love you madly passionately deeply and forever –
Justin
~~~***~~~***~~~***
02 June 2011
Dear Justin.
It’s been a week since I last saw you and already I miss you. I did get a letter today though, and I’m attaching it here in this journal. I wanted so much to tell you everything, to tell you what was going on right now, but I can’t.
I guess this is where it starts huh? The whole withholding information. Fuck, I wish I didn’t have to lie to you. Here I’m telling you in letters that everything is fine, that things here are going great, when in reality I want to just say fuck it and leave.
I don’t know if I can do this Justin. I don’t know if I can continue and make it through this. I don’t know if I can make it another 7 weeks without seeing you. For me, Hell week is 8 weeks long.
I hope you’re behaving yourself. I hope that Daphne’s there for you. It’s tearing me up inside wondering what you’re doing and if you’re okay. I love you, Justin, and I worry about you all the time.
I wish I could talk more, but we have to be up at 3 and if I don’t get some sleep… Fuck, I miss you. I can’t sleep without you next to me.
How sad is that.
I love you, Justin, and I miss you,
Brian
~~~***~~~***~~~
“Justin, I’m not really comfortable with doing this.” Daphne had been arguing with her friend all morning.
“I don’t care if you’re comfortable with it. I’m going to wait for Brian at our apartment in San Diego. Besides, Brian was worried that I’d be moping. I have friends there too. You can come if you want. I’ll buy your ticket.”
“I guess I could come for a week or so.” She conceded.
“Great, I’ll call and get you a ticket.” Justin gave her a quick hug. “I need to be close to him Daph, not half way around the damn country.
“It’s just that he’s going to be sooooo pissed at you.” she shook her head. “I sure don’t want to be around when he finds out.”
“He loves me, he’ll get over it.” Justin said confident in his husband’s affection. “As long as you are there for the closing on the house in Virginia, things should work out okay.”
“I still can’t believe you bought that house.” Daphne shook her head as she headed out the door. “That’s one argument I’d love to see.”
Justin grinned at her, but she was right. Brian would need lots of convincing about the house. Oh well, he had lots of time to worry about it..
Justin finished his packing. The last thing he did was to forward all his calls from the Maryland house to the phone number at the San Diego apartment. Brian was due off Hell week tomorrow and he’d told Justin he would phone him. Justin wasn’t going to take any chances on missing the phone call.
~~~***~~~***~~~
“Shit Justin, no wonder Brian was pissed about the apartment.” She stood in the vast living area and looked around. “Oh my gawd, you can see the whole world from here.” Daphne ran to the window. “You must be able to paint all day.”
“It’s the best light I’ve had in a long time to paint by.” Justin picked up the phone for the tenth time to make sure it was still working. Brian hadn’t called yet. “Daph, use your cell and call the Maryland number and see if it forwards here.” He asked.
“Justin it did the last three times. I’m not doing it again.” Daphne looked at him and shook her head.
When the phone did ring, Justin was caught by surprise. He was in the bedroom changing. “Hey, if it isn’t my Navy Boy hang up.” He said into the phone.
“Hey pretty boy, how are things in Maryland?” Brian’s voice sounded rough and exhausted.
“Who cares,” Justin said. “I’m talking to the man I love. Did you miss me?” he asked shyly.
“Every second of every minute of every hour.”
“Me too.” Justin brushed away an emotional tear. “Are you okay?” he had been so worried about what Brian was going through. He’d watched two videos about it and he couldn’t get them out of his mind.
“I’m fine. I’m a tough old Irishman, it was a piece of cake.” Brian could tell Justin was worried. “You aren’t crying are you baby?”
“No, allergies, Daphne insists on wearing some kind of cheap perfume.”
“I heard that” Daphne shouted.
“So Daphne is there with you. That’s nice. I don’t want you sitting around brooding.”
“That’s your job; you’re the brooder in this relationship. They should call you Angel Kinney.” Justin teased while he hastily tried to wipe the tears away that were flowing faster and faster.
“I can’t talk long, this is only a touch base with the wife kind of phone call.” Brian sighed. He wiped his own eyes on the back of his hand. “Fuck Justin, you feel so close to me. I can almost smell you.”
Justin giggled, if Brian only knew. “You know what they say; I’m just a phone call away. Hey Navy Boy, what ‘cha wearing?”
Brian laughed; Justin always knew how to make him smile. “Only a smile for you pretty boy.”
“Me too” Justin sighed. “I love you Brian, more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow. Don’t forget that. I love you and I’m proud of you.”
“Justin,” his name a caress on Brian’s lips, “you are my life. Later” he hung up the phone.
Justin stared at the phone receiver in his hand not believing Brian was gone. He placed it carefully down and then turned to the pillow wrapped in Brian’s workout tee and cried for the man he missed more than life itself.
~~~***~~~***~~~
Brian sat on his rack, re-reading Justin’s letter. He hated lying to Justin, but he knew that his lover/husband didn’t need to hear what was going on here. He couldn’t really bear what was going on. Yeah, all Justin had to do was rent a movie about SEAL training and he would get an idea, but those movies didn’t tell everything. Brian could feel his muscles protesting as he placed the letter into his journal and hid both under his rack. The last thing he needed was for anyone to find them. These were private, and for Justin’s eyes only.
Brian could say one thing about Justin though, the boy could write. The letters came almost every day, and each one was at least 5 pages in length. Hearing the stories of the latest adventures of Justin and Daphne, or what the sunset looked like over the Atlantic, always brought a smile to Brian’s face. It was almost like being there. Almost.
Brian missed Justin terribly, and he wanted to leave this place. Each time the thought of quitting came into his mind however; Brian would look down at his bracelet and know that Justin was there with him. That Justin believed in him, and Brian wasn’t going to let him down. He couldn’t. Justin wanted Brian to have this, and he was proud of Brian’s accomplishments.
Brian lay back in his rack and stared at the ceiling. His mind began to drift toward the people he has had in his life. His parents had never once had anything good to say about him. His father never wanted him, and made it his life’s work to make sure Brian knew it every day. His mother… she was too engrossed in the Church to even notice that Brian was around.
Every time he would bring home his grades or some award he would have won, it never made a dent in the Kinney resolve. He never received even a ‘good job, Sonny boy’ from his old man. Not once.
That’s why being with Justin was like having his childhood back, or his first childhood. Justin had given him everything he could ever had imagined. That’s why he kept trying to tell Justin to not spend money on him… the most important things Justin always gave him without any thought. The love, the passion, the praise, the look of pride in his lover’s eyes. Those were the most important things for Brian, not the material things.
He knew of course that Justin wouldn’t understand that part of him. Giving the gifts were what made Justin happy. Justin thought they made him happy, but the only thing that made Brian happy was seeing the childish look on his husband’s face. He loved seeing Justin’s eyes light up whenever he would give Brian a gift. He would see the love that Justin was sending. Each gift to Justin was a way to show his love for Brian, so Brian knew he would always accept them. If it made Justin happy, then it made Brian happy.
It had been a long two weeks. Brian was thinking ahead, wondering where he would go after all was said and done. Would he be stationed with a team on the west coast, the east, or overseas? Brian hoped for the east coast, that way Justin could be by his friends. Justin would need the support group while Brian was away on missions.
Twenty men had already dropped out of his class, saying they couldn’t cut it. Brian knew that it was hard work, hell lifting a 150 pound bag over your shoulders and running through mud was not fun. And let’s not forget the huge tree trunk they had to carry up hills. But Brian knew that things would only get worse. Their training had just begun, and hell week hadn’t even arrived.
He missed Justin’s touch, though. That was what Brian missed the most as he lay down in bed each night. Justin always had a way of making all the pain and stiffness go away. Justin would always make the day just slip away. Brian couldn’t wait until he was back with his love again.
‘Only 6 more weeks.’ Brian stated. ‘Forty-two days and a wake up.’
~~~***~~~***~~~
In San Diego 2011 – the penthouse
“Komari, you are doing great.” Justin stood back and admired his friend’s efforts. The two easels stood side by side. “At this rate you’ll be giving me a run for my money.” He teased. He loved to see her smile.
“Justin I don’t know what I would have done without you for these weeks. With William being away and everything, I think I would have gone crazy.”
“So you were glad when I didn’t stay in Maryland?” he asked with a smile.
“I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I got that email from the office of the Chief of Naval Operations telling me you were on your way home.”
“I hope Brian understands.” Justin looked gloomy for a moment. He was beginning to have second thoughts on returning.
“Brian loves you. I bet just knowing you are waiting for him helps him through these days. I know when William comes home we have a real good time.”
“Ewwwh, hetero sex, more than I want to know” Justin said with a laugh. “But I didn’t exactly tell him I was here when he called after Hell week. He was pretty insistent that I stay in Maryland with my old friends. He just doesn’t understand, I have you and Susan here and Daphne did come and visit for a week.”
“That’s the one tiny problem with having an officer for a husband. I see you’re finding that out. They are under the delusion that they can order their home around like they do their men.” Komari laughed. “That is just unrealistic. I think William married me thinking he’d finally won. I’d be the dutiful Japanese wife.” She giggled. “Boy was he in for a surprise. Believe me our first two years were verrrrrry interesting.
~~~***~~~***~~~
June 2011
Excerpt from a letter to Brian
My Darling Navy Boy- I do believe this is Hell week for you. I want you to know that I am with you every second. I’ve bought crystals for healing thoughts, I’ve spent hours meditating trying to be there on some astral plain for you. But most of all I’ve painted you. I’ve painted you the way you looked when you walked in the restaurant. I’ve painted you when you saw me after your car broke down and your eyes lit up when I came into view and I melted completely inside. I’ve painted so many faces of my Navy Boy, I know every inch of you by heart and I never tire of putting them down on canvas or paper – you are my everything.
Daphne and my friends who watch me sketch endless drawings of your fingers, or your lips or your eyes, say I’m obsessed. And I admit, maybe I am. But it helps me when you are away. It brings me just that little bit closer to you.
It could be worse, I could become addicted to country music – those songs are always good for missing someone.
~~~***~~~***~~~
Brian lay back in the mud, wanting to close his eyes, wanting to get some sleep, but knowing that if he did close his eyes it would be over. He would be done. It was the third-day of hell week, and Brian was seriously beginning to think that he had made a huge mistake in wanting to be a SEAL. He wasn’t cut out for this type of thing, at least not without sleep.
They had been awoken three days ago just two hours after lights out by the sounds of gun fire. Of course we all fucking jumped right out of the racks. Dressed in full battle gear, they began the week off with a 10 mile run. We were divided into groups, each group having to perform the same drills, the same activities as the others. Brian knew that it was to promote teamwork, but it’s hard to work as a team as some members of your team drop out.
Having to lift a 600 pound log over their heads, Brian worked to get his team together so it would be easy on everyone. Everyone was a different height, so the shorter guys didn’t have to work as hard. That changed when they had to try and do sit-ups with the damn thing on their chests of course, but Brian was grateful for his team. Everyone was trying their hardest to make it easier on everyone else.
By day three, Brian was starting to see things. They had only gotten an hour sleep since hell week started, and despite the fact that they had been fed, he still felt like he was ready to die. He had found himself tripping over rocks during the 4 mile run, but luckily still made it in the required 32 minutes. A fellow trainee, Peters, and Brian had held each other up, motivating each other throughout the week thus far. Where one was weak the other was strong.
Brian had come to rely heavily on a small group of five. They had worked well together, always making each other work, succeed, and survive. He only hoped that they would all survive this, cause Brian wasn’t sure that he would be able to get through the rest of the training without them. They were a team, no matter what anyone said, and Brian was thankful that they were there.
Brian did have to help Christenson during the 2-mile swim when he got caught in the heavy undertow of the bay. He could hear the yelling coming from the instructors, telling them that they wouldn’t make it, to just ring the bell and leave. They weren’t cut out to be SEALs, they were nothing. But no one in Brian’s group listened to the cries. Each one of them took the words and turned it into motivation to continue.
He could remember South yell at them that no one in his group was a worthless piece of shit, that they were going to prove those assholes wrong and make their life a living hell from that moment on. And that became their little motto. They were all determined to make it past this week so that they could throw it back in their instructor’s faces that they were NOT beaten down.
Brian had been designated the leader of his group since he was the only officer. Although he didn’t know the first thing about leading a team, well except from the leadership classes at the academy, Brian lead them through every test that the instructors threw at him. He had help, of course. The other five in his group took some of the responsibility unto themselves. They were all willing to do as Brian asked, no questions asked.
Brian couldn’t ask for a more willing and able group of guys. He only wished that wherever they were stationed, they would be together. They worked well together, it would be a shame to split them up.
By the last day, day 5 and a half, the men were all told that they would be taking their final test. At midnight they had all taken the mile and a half swim in the bay, and the 2000 meter pool swim. All they had left was the 4-mile run, obstacle course, and another 2 mile swim. Brian only hoped he didn’t fall asleep and drown. With only 4 hours of sleep that week, Brian wanted to find a rack and sleep for a month.
When the testing was finally over, Brian fell on top of his rack, and looked at the bracelet that had remained on his wrist the entire week. It was the real reason he had for not giving up when he had wanted too. His team brought him through the physical part of it, and kept him strong, kept him going. They knew his trigger, and they had played it. They all had known about Justin and the mysterious bracelet, and everyone in his unit had kept him going with reminding him that he was doing it for Justin, he was surviving for that reason. Brian knew that he was also surviving so that his men didn’t lose hope, cause he knew that if one of them had fallen, the rest would have also.
Over three fourths of the beginning class had dropped out by the end of the week. Only 32 remained. Brian wondered how many would make it the remainder weeks. Brian pulled his pillow over his head, and dreamt of a certain blond in Maryland.
~~~***~~~***~~~
Brian pulled the Stingray into the parking lot and grabbed his bag out of the trunk of the car. As much as he wanted to just go upstairs and rest, Brian knew he had a plane to catch in three hours and he had to get to Justin. The blond was planning something, and Brian wanted to find out what.
Justin’s letters appeared to be missing things, from what Brian could tell. He didn’t blame Justin for not telling him everything since he himself was withholding information from his husband, but it was different with Justin. Justin was supposed to be the one to share everything, Justin was the one who was supposed to be open. When Justin got quiet, or didn’t tell Brian everything, the man knew his husband was up to no good.
“He better not have gone over board with the damn gifts and shit. I’ll tan his hide so hard he won’t sit down for a fucking month.” Brian said with a smile as he pressed the button to the top floor. His sky-palace. His home.
Brian had to admit to himself that he loved the place. It was more than anything he could have wanted, or dreamed of having. Justin had thought of everything when he had picked the place out, and Brian could tell that the blond had him in mind. Everything fit his current life-style perfectly. Justin knew him entirely too well.
With a small smile playing on his lips, Brian thought about what he wanted to do with his husband the moment he saw him. The flight couldn’t be in Maryland quick enough for his liking. He pulled his keys out of his cammies and slid it into the lock. Once inside he threw his bag on the couch and headed directly toward the bedroom to pack a quick suitcase. He wanted to be out of there in the next 20 minutes so he would have enough time to check in.
Brian’s plans however were halted as he walked past Justin’s small studio. Spotting the blond sitting there looking at him, Brian immediately felt his blood begin to boil. “What the FUCK are you doing here?”
“Hi, honey. I missed you?” Justin quietly said with a nervous smile on his face. “Aren’t you glad to see me?”
“You’re supposed to be in Maryland… where by the way I was just heading to the airport to get on a plane to. So once again I ask… what the fuck are you doing here? This sure as HELL isn’t Maryland.”
Justin stood from his stool, took a towel from his small tray beside his easel, and shrugged. “I got lonely? I wanted to be here when you got home, like a Navy Wife… Spouse is supposed to?” Justin’s answers came out as questions, not sure if he could read his husband’s mood. He knew that Brian appeared upset, but Justin didn’t think he would be this upset. It completely threw his plans for a loop.
“Dammit Justin! WE agreed.” Brian just shook his head and stormed out onto the terrace. He couldn’t be around Justin at that moment. Justin was acting like it wasn’t a big deal, but Brian knew it was. He hated the thought that Justin had been there in their home, albeit temporary home, alone. That’s why Brian had been so adamant about Justin being in Maryland. He didn’t want to think that Justin didn’t have anyone around, that he was sitting there in their home waiting… like a good Navy wife. “Fuck!” He cursed as he ran his hand through his hair. “For once I wish you would listen to me. Just once! Christ! Is that too much to fucking ask?” Brian asked when he heard the door open behind him.
Justin tried to touch Brian’s arm, but felt the stinging of tears as his husband pulled away. “Brian…”
“Just tell me the truth Justin. How long have you been here? How long have you been staying in this place, when I’ve been under the impression that you have been at a ‘friend’s house’ in Maryland? And don’t lie to me, Justin… I want the truth.”
Justin leaned against the railing and wrapped his arms around him. He hated that Brian was upset, that wasn’t his plan. Daphne had tried to warn him, tried to convince him to come back to Maryland before Brian got out, but he didn’t listen. “I just wanted to be near you!” Justin cried, feeling the tears fall down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away and looked at Brian. “I couldn’t be that far away from you. It hurt too much. I had to come back; I had to be here in case you needed me.”
“I needed to know that you were in Maryland. Where we agreed you would be!”
“I couldn’t!” Justin yelled back. “Please don’t be mad. I just couldn’t do it.”
Brian leaned back against the wall and raised an eyebrow at his husband. “You haven’t answered my question, Justin. When did you get here? How long have you been in this apartment and not in Maryland?”
“sincehellweekiforwardedthephonessoiwouldn’tmissyourcall.” Justin mumbled.
“What? You have been here since Hell Week?! Oh when I get my hands on Daphne, I’m going to kill her!” Brian ran his hand through his hair, and stared at his husband. “So you lied to me is that it? I distinctly remember asking you how it was in Maryland in that phone call and you were here the whole time? What other surprises should I expect? What other things have you lied to me about?”
”I didn’t lie, I only withheld information.” Justin tried to explain. “I know that there will be times that you can’t tell me things, and I’m okay with that. Why can’t I have my own secrets, too?”
“Because, it’s my job to lie, and I don’t do it because I want to. You on the other hand…” Brian took a deep breath trying to calm his anger. He didn’t want to be angry with Justin, he didn’t. Hell he could even understand it, in part. It was just that he expected more from Justin. He had hoped that things wouldn’t have turned out this way. “Is this what our marriage will be about from now on? Lies? What’s the fucking point in even continuing this if there’s no trust, when I can’t trust what you’re telling me is the truth.” Brian looked out at the ocean, watching the waves crash against the rocks. “There’s a huge difference between me lying to you in things relating to what I do, and you lying to me. I can’t tell you things, Justin. Not because I don’t want to, I have to. Do you think I like keeping things from you? Do you?”
“No. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know if I can look at you right now. I’m going out, and when I get back, we’re going to have to sit down and have a nice long talk about honesty. Cause I tell you, Justin. This marriage won’t work unless we can trust each other when it comes to us. I will never lie to you if it relates to us. I will never lie to you if it has something to do with you and me. I expect the same thing from you.” Brian turned to head back into the penthouse and toward the door.
Justin quickly ran after Brian. He knew that he couldn’t let Brian walk out that door. He wouldn’t survive it if they left things the way there were at that moment if Brian left, even for a second. “Please. Don’t go.”
“Justin…”
“Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I promise you, I will never lie to you if it relates to the two of us, if it concerns us I will tell you. I can’t lose you, Brian, I love you. Please don’t leave me.” Justin begged as the tears were flowing down his face.
Brian reached out and ran his hand against Justin’s cheek wiping away the tears. “It will take time, Justin. I need to know that I can trust you. I can’t go out on missions and not know where you are. Don’t do that to me. What type of SEAL would I be if I’m supposed to be concentrated on the mission and I can’t because I don’t know where you are? Please, don’t do that to me.”
Justin fell into Brian, wrapping his arms around the other man to prevent him from walking out the door. If Brian left, then so would Justin. “I promise… I promise.” Justin whispered against Brian’s chest.
“Okay, I believe you.” Brian told Justin as he pulled the blond’s face up so he could look him in the eyes. “I believe you. But you still need to be punished,” He said with a small smile trying to ease some of the tension that had filled the room. “I have a unused plane ticket that I’m going to take out of your hide. Are you ready for your punishment, blond boy?”
Brian got the response he wanted when he saw the smile begin to appear on Justin’s face. “Yes, sir.” Justin replied.
Brian quickly leaned down to lightly kiss Justin on the lips. “I do love you, but you sure as hell will give me a heart attack one day.” Brian quickly picked Justin up and threw his husband over his shoulder. It was time to get his money’s worth, and Justin would be paying over and over for his little white lie. Brian figured at least two days worth of serious bed time was in order. He had 8 weeks to make up for… why not start now?
~~***~~~***~~~
Justin lay with his head on Brian’s shoulder, glancing up at his husband with a small, satisfied smile on his face. “I miss you, I missed this.”
“You’re just a little sex fiend is all you are.” Brian replied lightly pinching Justin’s ass.
“Ow. What was that for?” Justin asked, leaning up on his elbow so he could look down at Brian.
“You’re still being punished, young man.”
”Why you…”
Brian laughed as he pulled Justin down on top of him. “You love it and you know it.”
Justin placed his head on top of Brian’s chest and let out a deep breath. “I love you. Everyhting I do is for you.” He lifted his head up off of Brian’s chest to look at his lover. Running his fingers through Brian’s hair he smiled. “You’re buff. The SEALs are good for you. You’re a little too thin, but we can work on that.”
“Why thank-you. I’m glad I have your seal of approval.” Brian laughed. “I missed you too Justin. More than you will ever know.”
“So what’s next? What’s the next part of this whole training thing?” Justin asked interested in what Brian would have to go through. “You will get to live off base for that part right?”
“Yes, dear, I get to come home to you every night. Just remember the rules, and everything will be fine.” Brian stated as he rolled Justin off of him. “I have to use the head.”
“I’ll give you head.” Justin purposely pretended to not understand. It didn’t come out the way he wanted it too as he laughed at the look on Brian’s face. “I couldn’t resist!” He waited until Brian returned and both leaned back against the headboard of the bed, taking light sips of wine. “Soooooo, what’s next?”
“Well first off is 8 weeks of diving. Basically when I’m done there I can honestly say that if we ever go on a cruise and there’s a bomb on the hull, I’ll be able to disarm it.” Brian stated with a smile and a raised eye-brow. He wanted to share things with Justin. Despite the fact that Brian couldn’t share the details, he would find a way to share the basics with his husband. He now knew first hand how tough it was going to be. Lies would destroy them, and Brian wouldn’t let that happen.
“Cool! Diving? And you learn how to what… disarm a bomb underwater? That can’t be easy.” Justin couldn’t keep the awe out of his voice. He had a basic idea on what Brian would learn from articles on the web, but to actually hear about it brought it all to life. It was like he really didn’t believe what he had been reading before.
“Yep, that’s basically it. I’ll find out how hard it is. They won’t let me leave that part of training until I can do it perfectly. Then it’s off to jump school. We get to play with the Army and Marines. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane and what not. Not really my idea of fun, but…”
”Diving and parachuting? I’ve always wanted to learn. Do you think I can do that? Could you teach me?” Justin asked letting his enthusiasm show. He wanted to learn, wanted to share that with his husband. He never had the chance to follow through with those dreams, and now Justin could see them in his sights.
”Fuck no! You are not going to learn. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? I will not have you get hurt because of some stupid stunt. What if your shute doesn’t open, or your tank runs out… no way. No.” Brian was shaking his head. He couldn’t let Justin do those things… he could get hurt. Brian had no choice, Justin did. And Brian’s choice was to make sure Justin stayed safe. “You are not to try it. Do you understand me? No.”
Justin didn’t reply just let Brian think what he wanted. He was going to learn, and Brian would just have to deal with it. As Komari said… living with an officer is hard work. But Brian couldn’t order him around. If he wanted to learn, he would. Brian would never know.
“Justin, out with it.” They were laying in bed, tangled in the bed covers and each other. All Brian’s intentions of punishing Justin had disappeared when he placed the first kiss on his husband’s lips and looked into the watery blue eyes that were filled with love and trust. They had made love so many times, Brian lost count. Justin had insisted that Brian eat more than just a high protein snack and they’d eaten in bed in between lovemaking
Brian felt compete, his belly was full, his ass ached pleasantly, and his cock all but glowed. But the blond in his arms was thinking and that Brian had learned, was never a good thing.
“I was thinking about what you said, about how when you are out on a mission you don’t want to be worried about what I’m up to.”
“Yes, Justin, it’s important that I know you’re safe.”
“I’m going to make a promise to you right now. I don’t ever break my promises and this isn’t some kind of trick. I promise you that when you go on any missions away from where ever we may be living, I will stay put until you return. I’ll keep busy with friends and my art, but I won’t do anything that would make me less safe than when you are with me. I can’t promise you not to surprise you with stuff, but I’ll keep my surprises to the times your feet are in the United States and we are together.”
Brian thought for a moment. “That sounds fair. I can live with that.”
“One other thing.”
“I knew there would be a catch.” Brian sighed.
“It isn’t a catch.” Justin hesitated for a moment. “If there ever comes a day when you can’t come back to me, I’ll wait for you at our home in Baja for you to return.”
“I might not come back Justin, you know that happens sometimes.” Brian was serious.
“I’ll wait for you at our home in Baja if it takes the rest of my life Brian. I’ll never stop waiting for you to find me. Never.”
Brian realized then just how much Justin loved and trusted him. He felt bad for telling Justin that he couldn’t trust the blond because it wasn’t true, he could trust him. Oh not about spending money and wanting to surprise him. But he could trust him with his life and that was the most important thing of all.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
13 July 2001
Justin,
Why do I get the feeling that once again you are keeping something from me? I don’t know if I can explain it, but some of the questions you ask… I don’t know. It seems like you already know the answer to them. Are you doing what I had asked you not to?
Christ, Justin. I wonder if the day will ever come when you will actually listen to me. Then again, maybe I don’t want that day to come. I love your spirit, and you definitely make my life interesting. A living hell most of the time, but interesting none the less.
Of course if you think that I will ever admit to you any of this shit… you’re wrong. I will fight you tooth and nail about this shit. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, Justin. I know I have to try and accept your choices, but I don’t know if I can.
One of the guys yesterday was hurt. Something got caught on his line, and he almost suffocated to death down there. It’s shit like that that makes me pray that you are doing what I asked of you. You don’t understand the dangers. You don’t see what I see every damn day. That’s why I tell you not to do things. I know the bad side of things, I know what CAN happen.
But you won’t listen. Of course not. Little defiant shit.
But you’re my shit, and I guess I’m stuck with you.
What did I do to deserve you?
Since I know you’re doing something you shouldn’t, I just hope and pray that you’re being careful. I can’t lose you. I’m the one who’s in a dangerous job, not you. A Navy Spouse is not supposed to get you killed! Don’t make me bury you. Please!
I love you, even when you piss me off. Just please heed my words, and know that I’m only saying this because I love you, and I want you around for a long, LONG time.
My Avalon,
Brian
~~~***~~~***~~~***
July 2011
“Justin, William assures me this is one of the better diving schools.” Komari and Justin were standing in front of a disreputable looking building. “Ace Diving School” hand lettered on a board nailed to the front of the building.
“I don’t know Komari; it looks kind of creepy to me. He does understand that we are going to be underwater doesn’t he?”
She giggled. “Of course, he said he would teach us himself if he had the time, but this school is run by an old Navy buddy of his.” She looked at Justin and giggled again. He looked like a terrified child. “Justin we don’t have to learn to dive.”
“You don’t Komari, but I’m going to learn. I want to be able to do stuff with Brian. And I want to understand what he does. I know this isn’t going to be SEAL training or anything, but I want to be able to hold my own with him.”
“I think it’s a great idea Justin, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself. William was downright frisky when he found out I was going to learn to dive.”
Justin rolled his eyes at her words. “Brian will probably just be pissed. He thinks I’m some kind of delicate ‘artiste’ he emphasized the word in the French manner. “Come on, it’s now or never.” He grabbed her hand and they headed inside.
Three weeks later the two of them met at the pier. They were going to have their final lesson. Justin had amazed himself at how much he enjoyed diving. It opened up a whole new world for him to paint and record.
Komari began to giggle when she saw Justin and their instructor, Jeff Davis, burst out laughing. “What are you supposed to be, some kind of tropical fish” he finally sputtered.
Justin looked down at his new wet suit and air tanks. Everything was in fluorescent shades of greens, pinks, yellows, and blues alternating every now and then with black. “Let me tell you Jeff, there is no way any one is going to lose me under the water.” Justin said with conviction. “And that includes Brian if I ever get the nerve to tell him I can dive.”
~~~***~~~***~~~***
End of Chapter 6
