Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Chapter Twenty





“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Justin called out as soon as he came into their room and saw Brian standing up.

“I’m going from the bed to the desk over there. It’s not like I’m going to the living room by myself. Besides it’s a little stupid to get in the wheelchair, or use that damn walker for a couple of feet, don’t you think?”

Justin shook his head and went over to help Brian, only to have his hand slapped away. “You are the most stubborn man I have ever met. Don’t you remember what the doctor said? You know about not over working yourself, about taking it easy? Don’t you remember that?”

Brian sat down in the plush leather chair that had been set up in front of his desk and took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe how much just that simple walk tired him. “Justin it’s not like I’m doing anything that I won’t have to do eventually. I know the doctor said I would need help, but what am I supposed to do if I have to take a piss when you’re off somewhere else?”

“Oh I don’t know… call for help, wait? That’s why we have the radio system set up; for you to call when you need something.” Justin went to sit on the corner of the desk, running his hand through Brian’s hair. “You need a haircut.” Justin noticed feeling the longer than normal hair wet with sweat.

“What I need is some answers Justin.” Brian began as he sat back in the chair to look at Justin. “I need to know why you don’t want to have our baby, why you won’t talk to me about Lindsay? What are these paintings that people are telling me about?”

Justin placed his hand on Brian’s arm, wanting to calm his husband seeing the distress that is already being put on his system. “We’ll talk about all of it later, I promise. Once you’re well.”

“Once I’m well? Christ Justin, I may never be well. And even if I am, I might not even make it to see our next anniversary. Tell me what I need to know. What you have been hiding from me. I can’t fix it if I don’t know. What the hell can I do to make it right? What can I do to make you understand how sorry I am? I didn’t mean to make you feel like I chose Lindsay over you. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, or feel like I didn’t love you. Tell me what I can do to prove to you that you are the only thing in my life.”

Justin wasn’t sure what to say, or if he could say anything at all as he watched as Brian began to cough uncontrollably. Quickly reaching for the oxygen mask, he placed it over Brian’s mouth, as he ran his hand soothingly up and down his lover’s back. He knew why he couldn’t talk about any of those things, his answer was loud and clear before him. Brian was not physically able to handle any confrontation. “Shhh. Just breathe Navy boy. Just breathe.”

Brian leaned into Justin’s touch, trying to get the comfort that his lover was giving. “Please, Justin.” He tried to get out while trying to control his breathing and the racking coughs that were coming out of him. “I need to know. Please.” Brian looked up at Justin as tears were coming out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He hated that he was so emotional, that he didn’t have control over his own body.

“When you’re better, Brian. I promise. I did promise you that, remember. I always keep my promises. I love you, just know that. No matter what I will always love you.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian sat inside Stacy’s office waiting for her to get done with her meeting. The hearing was to start, and all Brian wanted was for it to be over with. The trial had already been going on for practically a week now, and he was sick of it. He was tired, so tired of everything. He hated what all of this was doing to Justin. He didn’t know how his husband could handle it all. Between Gus, his illness, their friends and family, this trial, and everything else, Brian knew his husband must be going crazy. He knew that Justin would not be allowed into the hearing because of the sensitive matter that was going to be discussed, but he knew that Justin would be waiting for him after each day.

“You ready?” Stacy asked Brian as she came into the room. She had been waiting on word about the lead they were following, but none had come yet. She had hoped that this wouldn’t even have reached this point.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Brian rose from the chair and reached for the walker he was now forced to use. Everyone had wanted him to still use the wheelchair, since he was still weak, but Brian had told them that he would walk in there and out of there with as much of his own free will as he could. It was bad enough that he had to have the damn oxygen tank with him that Brian refused to bend on this.

Brian knew that this would be his day on the stand. He had flat out told everyone that he would testify on his own behalf. It was what he needed to do, for himself and for Justin. He only wished that Justin could be inside the courtroom with him. As he neared the room, he saw Justin standing just outside the door. Reaching over, Brian gave his hand a small squeeze and a small smile. “See you in a couple of hours.”

“I love you, Navy boy.”

“Love you too.” Brian held his head high as he stepped through the doors, ready to tell his side of the story.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“I call Lieutenant Command Brian Andrew Kinney to the stand.”

Brian made his way up to the stand, trying not to show any weakness. “Do you swear that the testimony you are about to give in this Article 32 hearing is the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

“I do.” Brian sat down in the chair and gave his name, rank, and other required information. He turned to the judge when he was asked; listening as the Judge explained to him that if he had any problems where he would need a break that he was to let them know immediately. Brian was grateful for the Judge’s acknowledgement, but hoped he never had to use that. He didn’t want to appear weak in front of the jury.

“Lieutenant Kinney, do you know Sergeant Gold?”

“We meet about two years ago. He’s my husband’s ex-lover.”

“Did you and Sergeant Gold exchange words?”

“I asked him about his group getting captured, what he knew about it. He tried to convince me that my husband and him were having an affair.” Brian explained. He knew that Stacy had told him to only answer the questions, but Brian knew that he would have to go into some explanations. He wanted the people to know where his head was at.

“Did you and Mr. Gold ever exchange more than words?”

“I never once laid a hand on him. I’m not saying that I didn’t want to. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t if someone came up to them and started talking trash about their spouse. But I always made sure that others were around when I talked to him, in case of something happening. The last thing I wanted was to get into a fist fight.” And Brian knew that what he said was true. The last thing he wanted was for him to be alone with Ethan. Even out on the fantail when he was smoking his cigarette he always had someone near by. He had covered his bases during that time. He only wished that the rest of the charges were easily dismissed as the assault one was.

“Chief South mentioned that when they had placed Mr. Gold into the locker, that you had no knowledge of that happening until after the ship had arrived in port. Is that correct?”

“Yes, they did that without my knowledge at all.” Brian still found it funny what his men did to protect him. He only wished that one day he could get that back.

“What can you tell me about Lieutenant Christopher Hobbs?”

Brian froze not knowing what to say. This was definitely something that had not been covered before and he had no idea what to make of this line of questioning. He would have to pull Stacy off to the side first chance he got and question her.

~~~***~~~***~~~




“Hey sweetie, can I buy you a drink?” Emmett had sidled up to Lieutenant Chris Hobbs. He resisted looked for Mike. He knew he’d be close by.

“I’m waiting for a friend.” Chris said but he turned and looked at Emmett who was looked especially fetching that night in tight black leather pants and a see through yellow shirt.

“It wouldn’t be that nasty piece of work Ethan Gold now would it?” Emmett asked. “Cause honey I’m telling you that boy is just no good.”

“How do you know Ethan?”

“Why he’s my landlord’s ex and I had a bit of a run in with him myself.” Emmett drank deeply of his Cosmopolitan. “I heard, now this is just between you and me, but I heard that he’s got something on someone he’s been seeing. That wouldn’t be you would it. Because I heard that he’s planning a tiny bit of blackmail. It wouldn’t be the first time. He’s been blackmailing my landlord for years.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Chris said. He looked around to see if anyone had noticed his loud voice. No one was paying them any attention.

“Oh I don’t want to gossip, it’s sooooo rude you know. But that Ethan Gold has already ordered one kick ass violin. My boyfriend works in the music store and Ethan told him that he was coming into some big money and to put the order through.”

“Ethan wouldn’t do that.” Chris said. “He loves me.”

“Apparently Ethan ‘loves’ lots of guys, but if you’re okay with that, who am I to argue.” Emmett took another drink. “But don’t worry honey, my best friend does my landlord’s hair and he told me that Lieutenant Commander Kinney’s lawyer has signed documents from three witnesses about some kind of double cross. The real culprit is some Lieutenant in the Quartermaster’s office; I didn’t catch the name.”

Just then Ethan walked into the bar. Spying Emmett talking to his boyfriend, he bristled. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I’m having a drink and yourself?” Emmett replied.

“Aren’t you the guy who was with Justin in the commissary?” Ethan began.

“Why as a matter of fact I am. That was sooooo naughty of you to be touching my dick and in a public place like that. I’m sure the guy you were with wasn’t too happy either.”

“I wasn’t with anyone.”

“Hey baby.” Mike came up and put his arm around Ethan. “Tell daddy about all this money you’re coming into. Who is this schmuck you’re going to run a little of the black on?”

“What” Ethan began to splutter.

“I know, I know I’m supposed to pretend we don’t know each other, but when the music store called to tell me about your violin I just knew you were close to screwing this guy. Come on over here and tell daddy all about it.” Mike began to steer Ethan away from Emmett and Chris Hobbs.

Chris looked into his drink. “I can’t believe this. I just can’t believe this.” He took a drink and signaled for another.

“Now honey, there are other fish in the sea. You don’t need him. It was only a matter of time before he’d turn on you.” Emmett patted Chris’ hand.

“You don’t understand. I’ve done things for him. I’ve put my career on the line for him. He can’t just leave me.”

“There isn’t anything that you’ve done that can’t be undone.” Emmett cautioned. “But you know the rule sweetie; whoever gets to the authorities first gets a ‘get of jail’ ticket.”

“I haven’t done anything wrong.” Chris was belligerent. “It’s not my fault that Kinney is up on charges. He should have stayed out of it. But oh no, he had to see my sister over there and the next thing you know he puts two and two together. He was never supposed to get out of there. Who knew he was some kind of Houdini.” Chris signaled for another drink.

“Well you couldn’t have known that Kinney fellow would be there, now could you?” Emmett asked.

“Well, yeah, I knew he’d be there. I saw his order.” Chris admitted. “Who in hell did you think told Kamal where the SEALs were landing? I mean the guy is good, but not that good.” He chuckled and Emmett put another drink in front of him.

“Fucking SEALs. H thought he was god almighty with his fancy boyfriend and his fancy car and bum fucking the Admiral so he could walk into the SEALS. I could’ve been a SEAL but I didn’t want to be bothered.” He downed his drink. “I guess I showed him didn’t I. I told Kamal he could do what he wanted with him. That he was a disposable commodity. Then the asshole has to come back and bring those POW’s with him. Now they think he’s some kind of fucking hero. Well I guess I fixed that didn’t I?”

“My, my, my you are the talkative little bunny when you’ve been drinking.” Emmett drawled. He scratched his belly where the adhesive of the microphone was itching. “Come along Chris, you want to talk to the nice Sergeant over there. See that tall dark and handsome one?”

Chris looked around confused. “What?”

“Now honey, we have an appointment with the nice Sergeant.” Emmett led Chris Hobbs over to the two MP’s who were waiting. Justin was in the surveillance van outside and if Chief South hadn’t restrained him, Chris Hobbs would have been one sorry assed Lieutenant.


~~~***~~~***~~~

“We went to the academy together.” Brian stated not entirely sure where this is going, but deciding that he had to go along with it for now.

“Were the two of you friends?”

“No. I had sex with him once in my first year there, but I realized that it had been a mistake.”

“Did he resent you for that?”

“Objection, your honor. Commander Kinney cannot state whether or not someone resented him.” The Government’s attorney stated.

“Sustained.”

“Did the two of you have any problems at the academy?”

“Yes, we often had some run-ins.”

“Physical encounters?”

“Mostly words. Occasionally we would shove each other, but nothing too drastic.” Brian answered. He remembered some of the ‘finer’ encounters between himself and Hobbs and his gang. Chris had made his academy years hell, but he had survived and moved on from there. He didn’t think of those years often anymore.

“Did you see Lieutenant Hobbs at all in the years since graduating from the Academy?”

Brian thought back, trying to remember when he had seen the other officer. “Yes, he was on the Eisenhower while I was on my way back Stateside. He ran into me, we exchanged words, nothing really interesting.”

“What was said during your talk?”

“He was amazed that I had made SEALs, and I could tell he wasn’t pleased with it. He went on to say that I must have fuc… had sex with the right people to be there and wondered who he had to see to get promoted like me.”

Brian remembered that the conversation had taken a much darker turn, with Hobbs cursing everything that Brian was. Hobbs had threatened him at one point… well more like warned him that he had better watch his back. At the time Brian hadn’t thought much of it, but thinking back on it now he began to wonder what Hobbs had meant.

When the call for lunch came, Brian walked out of the courtroom following Stacy through the doors. “I need to talk to you about Hobbs. I think I remember something that might help.” Stacy agreed and led them back to her office. Brian stopped in the hall and looked around for his husband. “Where is Justin?’


~~~***~~~***~~~
Back in the courtroom after lunch, Brian tried to keep calm. When he had asked Stacy where Justin was she had been unable, or unwilling to give him a solid answer. All Brian knew was that his husband was no where to be found, and if Brian knew Justin, he was into trouble. Taking a deep breath to calm himself after a slight attack during lunch, Brian sat up straight on the stand waiting to start.

“Commander, on the night of May 21 of this year, tell us what happened.”

“My team was told to search this building. We were looking for some POW’s, trying to bring them home. WE believed that this guy, Kamal had them so we went to check out some of his hideouts. Our contact had informed us the best possible location of where the POWs were.” Brian remembered seeing behind one of the buildings a familiar figure… one he had only seen once or twice years before. He couldn’t remember the face anymore, but he knew that it had to be important. “I saw someone behind of the buildings. I remember going over there, and … I don’t remember what happened next. Everything is fuzzy.”

“Do you remember who you saw behind the building?”

“I remember I knew them. I had seen them before, but… the face isn’t coming to me now.” Brian started to feel trapped. He was trying to remember who it was he had seen, cause he knew that the final pieces of the puzzle would fall into place if he could just remember who it was he saw.

Before Brian could answer however, the courtroom doors opened and three figures came walking in. Brian looked up to see Justin walking straight to the table where Stacy was, with the Admiral and Chief South right behind him. Words were exchanged, and something was handed over. “Your honor, may I ask for a brief recess. Some new information pertaining to this case has just arrived.”

“We’ll take a 15 minute break. You better not be stalling, Lieutenant.”

“No, your honor.” When the court broke, Stacy quickly pulled the prosecuting attorney out of the room, leaving everyone else behind.

Brian slowly got up from his spot and made his way over to Justin. “Want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“We know who set you up, Brian. We got it all on tape.” Justin told his husband, helping Brian to sit down.

Brian glanced at the three men, waiting for some sort of explanation. He had no idea what was going on, and it was starting to piss him off. What was Justin thinking? Brian knew that Justin had to have something to do with this mess, but what it was he wasn’t sure. “It was Hobbs. Well Hobbs and Ethan.”

“What?!” Brian was pissed. He knew that the two men didn’t like him, but he wasn’t sure what he did to piss them off that much. “Did they say why?”

Chief South leaned against the bar and crossed his arms. “It seems that you recognized someone who you should not have.”

“Yeah, I just said that on the stand. But for the life of me I can’t remember who it was.”

“It was Hobbs’ sister. Evidentily they have been working with Kamal for years.” South continued to explain.

Finally all the pieces fell into place and Brian remembered those final moments of freedom. He remembered walking over to Ms. Hobbs and confronting her. He had told her that he was going to take her in for questioning. It wasn’t until Brian began to turn around with his hand on her arm that he realized his mistake. She had pulled free from his grasp, and felt something on his neck. That was when everything went black. “She’s the one who injected me.” Brian stated. “With the test virus. She was working for Kamal the whole time.”

“It appears so.”

“So where does Ethan fit into this quaint family affair?” Brian asked looking up at Justin.

“Ethan and Chris were lovers.” Brian finally laughed. It all made perfect sense, in a sick sort of way. He had been played for years, and he never knew it. “It’s over, Bri. It’s all over.” He heard Justin say.

Feeling Justin’s hand on his arm, Brian gave him a small smile. “Once the judge says it’s over, then it is. Thank-you.” He knew now that no matter what, when he needed them, his friends would watch his back. He hadn’t been sure about that before he was captured, but now he knew beyond a shadow of doubt that they would always watch out for him.

~~~***~~~***~~~
The Aftermath

Brian stood at attention beside Stacy as the charges as read were dismissed. He could feel Justin’s eyes on him and he didn’t know whether to kiss him when he was dismissed or spank him for putting himself in danger. When he thought of what Emmett and Peters had done as well, he felt his control slip. He had made some good friends since he’d met Justin.

When it was all over Justin ran over to him and hugged him. Brian let himself sink into his husband’s arms, more tired than he wanted to admit to himself or anyone around them.

“Hey Navy Boy, you coming home with me?” Justin asked.

“That I am.” Brian leaned heavily on Justin as the two of them made their way out of the courtroom.

“Stacy, you’re expected to come over to the house too.” Justin called.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Stacy said with a smile.

“Justin tell me you aren’t throwing a party.” Brian said through gritted teeth. “I can’t take a lot of people around me right now. I just want to go home and sleep.”

“Brian, there are a lot of friends out there who have been working day and night to get the goods on Chris Hobbs and Ethan. It’s the least we can do to let them come over. Emmett is looking after everything and it will be in the common room not in our apartment.”

“I’m sorry Justin.” Brian began.

“Brian, don’t. Now that this is over we have to talk. I made you some promises and I’m going to honor them. But for the next couple of hours I’m going to sit beside you on the sofa in the common room. Gus will be in his basket and we’ll smile and make nice with all the people who made today possible.”

“You’re a tough man Justin Taylor-Kinney” Brian smiled down at his husband. He knew when to retreat.

At the house the party was already underway. Brian and Justin arrived at the same time as the Admiral and Komari. They all walked into the house together. True to his word, Justin had a place reserved for Brian and him to sit down. Jennifer and Harry were playing with Gus nearby and Debbie was busy setting the long table with buffet items she and Vic and Emmett had prepared. They knew Brian was innocent and had fully expected to have this victory party. Even Michael and Ben were there though it was a week day and both of them worked.

All the members of Brian’s team and their wives slowly found their way to Brian and Justin to offer their continued support and congratulations. Justin watched the time carefully. He only allowed Brian one hour with all the celebrations and then he insisted that they go to their own quiet apartment. Jennifer and Harry were keeping Gus at their place overnight. They figured the two men could use some time to themselves.

“I feel like some kind of weak little fag.” Brian grumbled as Justin helped him to their apartment.

“It’ll pass Brian; you’re already ten times stronger than when you first came home. It won’t be long and you’ll be rushing out the door on some mission just like always.”

“I have to talk to you about that Justin.” Brian began.

“Not now. Tonight is just for you and me.” Justin had led him to the bed. “I’m going to make you a warm bath. It’ll help clear your lungs.”

“Will you join me?” Brian still hated to be parted from Justin. He barely tolerated the necessary times that they had to be apart. He didn’t know if he’d ever have the fortitude to return to duty. He didn’t want to put Justin through the hell he’d been through ever again.

“I could be persuaded.” Justin admitted.

When the bath was made and Brian had taken his medication. Justin helped him into the vast deep tub. It was a luxury they both enjoyed. Settling back against his husband, Justin felt it was almost like old times, except for the fact that Brian was much thinner than he had been before. But that could be fixed.

~~~***~~~***~~~




“The case is over, then? You’re back on inactive duty?” Brian’s shrink asked as he sat in the chair in front of him. He had hated coming to these things, but knew that it had been required since he had been held captive.

“It’s over. They arrested Hobbs and Gold, and I’m home free.”

“How does that make you feel? How does that make you feel about being held?”

“I learned some things that make me understand it more. I hate it.” Brian leaned back in the chair and ran his hand through his hair. “I hate what it did. I hate that because of some stupid little thing… seeing someone, and a case of envy maybe… did this. I hate what it did to Justin, what it did to me.”

The doctor glanced at Brian with his pencil in his hand. “How does that make you feel? What about Justin? You told me before that it changed how you felt about the Navy and about your husband, but you never told me how.”

“Justin is strong, don’t get me wrong. But I look at what this did to him, what my leaving to go on these missions do to him, and I can’t stand it. Do you know he has a fucking room full of paintings that he’s done?” Brian asked shaking his head. He still couldn’t believe the pain he had seen coming from some of those canvases. He could feel every emotion that Justin had been feeling. He could feel the love, and the worry, and the fear. He felt Justin’s pain every time he went on a mission. “I can’t do that to him anymore. I don’t know how he’s survived.”

“So you plan on leaving the Navy? Leaving the SEALs?”

“Don’t get me wrong, doc. I love the Navy. I love what I do as a SEAL. Do I want to quit? No, I don’t. I think I can do more good as a SEAL than I could on the outside world. I’ve thought about it. I have no idea what I would do out there. But I owe it to us to give him that. I’ll survive, as long as he’s happy. If I can do that for him, then I will.”

“Don’t you think that is putting a lot of pressure on him? Making him choose?”

“I think he needs to think about it. We have a child now, MY child. Gus needs to be considered. Do I put Justin through having to care for my child while I’m away? And what if something like this happens again? Why should I put Justin through that?”

“I think you need to sit and talk this over with Justin. Have him know how you feel about it all. Don’t just quit because of him. Give him the choice.”

“I will. If he says quit, then I’m done. I won’t keep doing this to him.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

“What have you got there?” Justin asked. He had Gus on his hip and was heading to the baby’s room to put him down for a nap.

“Stacy brought these around. They’re the forms for a medical discharge.”

“A medical discharge from what?” Justin looked at Brian.

“From the Navy.”

Justin walked over to Brian. He looked at him hard. “Stand up.” Brian stood up. “Now come with me to the studio.”

Mystified Brian followed him. When they got to the studio, what Brian saw was a room full of crates. “These are my MI paintings, the ones I showed you. They are crated up to be shown and sold at Komari’s brothers Gallery in Soho. I don’t have to attend any of the gallery functions. That’s part of the agreement.” He handed Gus to Brian. “This is Gus, remember him. He’s who I have to keep me sane while you are gone on a mission.” Justin stared at Brian. “I’m doing what I have always dreamed of. I have a career, a child and a husband who loves me. There is no way in hell I’m going to allow you to sacrifice your career that you love in some misguided attempt to make things right for me.”

“But Justin’ Brian began.

“Brian Andrew Kinney, you are my husband and you are a Navy SEAL. I’d suggest you concentrate on getting back into shape so that the testing for active duty doesn’t kill you.”
Justin put his head on Brian’s shoulder while his hand caressed the fuzzy head of the baby. “Gus and I will always be here waiting Brian. For now, we both are your Avalon.”

“Justin, you have already sacrificed so much of your life to be with me. You have given up so much. Hell, Daphne has been on my ass because of what you’ve given up to be with me. You don’t have to do that. I can stay home, with Gus, and you can have the life that being with me denied you.” Brian tried to reason with Justin. The last thing he wanted was Justin to give up any more if his life for him. He didn’t think he could stand it.

Justin came up behind Brian to wrap his arms around his husband, and look down at Gus. “What are you doing listening to other people, Navy boy? It will only get us in trouble. No one else knows us, and what we really want except us. Other people mean well, they do. But what’s important is what we want and what we need. I want you to be a SEAL, I want to be here waiting for you. That’s what I want. You NEED to be a SEAL. That’s who you are. To hell with other’s think they know. They don’t know us. I have my art, and I do have a life. I will be selling my paintings, doing what I love, with the man I love. It’s that simple.”

“But what happens the next time something comes up, another problem between us arises, or I have to leave on a mission. What then? What happens the next time I don’t come home? The next time, Justin I might not return.” Brian tried to explain to Justin. He wanted his husband to understand… fully understand what it would mean if he returned to active duty.

Justin walked around Brian and placed his hand on Brian’s cheek. “I will survive. I love you, and I will be here for you, just like we promised each other. I will work on my art, and care for Gus. That’s who I am. I won’t change. I love you and I will until my dying day and beyond. Nothing and no one will ever change that. Besides if you don’t go back, I won’t have anything to paint. Then where would I be?”

“I don’t know, Justin. I really don’t. I can’t stand seeing you in pain.”

“And I can’t stand seeing you be something that you’re not. You are a SEAL, and I am your husband. If you don’t go back, you won’t be the man I know and love. My art will suffer, and we’ll both be complete and total messes.” Justin added with a smile, trying to bring Brian out of this serious mood he was in. “Brian, don’t listen to what anyone else says. Listen to me. I want you to work your ass off, get back on duty and be the best damn Navy SEAL you can be. If you don’t, then I won’t send these paintings. I will never sell a painting. It’s that simple.”

“You’re trying to blackmail me, Mr. Taylor-Kinney?” Brian asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Whatever works, Lieutenant Commander Kinney. Whatever works. So what do you say? Do we say to hell with everyone else and go on with our lives? Do you go back and have me someday become a famous artist? Or do we both suffer the rest of our lives, old, miserable, and completely not the men we once were?”

Brian wrapped his arm around Justin, pulling him to his side and looked down at his son. “Your other daddy drives a hard bargain doesn’t he, Gus? Let’s hope you don’t try to pull the same shit on me when you’re older.” Looking at Justin, Brian leaned in and lightly kissed his husband on the lips. “You have a deal, Pretty boy. You win. Now can we get Daphne off my ass? Get her to maybe like me?”

“She adores you, Brian.”

“Yeah, only as far as she can throw me. She’s a rude little shit, and mouthy, and of course I can do no right. She thinks I’m the worst thing ever.” Brian pouted. “Thank god she doesn’t realize that we haven’t made love since I got back. Hell she’d kick my ass for that, sickness or no.”

“You know… you are getting better. We could always see if your parts are working right.” Justin smiled, running his hand down Brian’s chest. “I’m sure mom would be more than willing to watch Gus for a little while.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

January 2020

My Darling Navy Boy:

I can’t believe that I’m once again starting another year and another journal. I have to admit your journal for last year had me in stitches in places. Your take on Gus during your month’s leave was priceless.

I hated to see you go yesterday morning. By now you and the guys should have found my fudge and Peters’s birthday card. Emmett has been driving me crazy as usual. We need to get that man a hobby to work at when his man is away.

Gus began swimming lessons today. He says he’s going to be a SEAL like his daddy, but I think he’s thinking the barking - ball on the nose kind of seal. I wonder what he thinks you do.

Yes I sold the big canvas from your last long mission. You don’t even want to know what I got for it. Let’s just say it will pay for a lot of paint, tons of paint.

Daphne is pleased that she’s reached her third trimester. She finally broke it to me we are having twins. So look out when they come. I hope the Admiral wasn’t kidding when he said he would grant you some paternity leave. Gus is all excited about having two little sisters and Daphne is all excited to be an auntie. She will be moving to New York after the babies arrive. Her new job begins six weeks after their scheduled birth. So everything should work out fine.

I miss you so much already. It just never gets any easier does it Navy Boy. But I have the family and I have Gus. The only thing missing is you, but I’m keeping my heart and my bed open for when you come home to me.

I love you
You are Forever My Avalon
Justin
~~~***~~~***~~~


February 2020

Justin,

Let’s see, where to start? Today I have been thinking back on all the years we have been together and for the life of me I still am amazed that we’re here. Almost 9 long years. Fuck! It amazed me. You have stuck beside me through everything. Kept me on the right path. You wouldn’t accept anything other than what you knew I could give. I love you for that. I may not say it enough, but I do.

I think back to our ‘dark time’ and I can’t believe we came out of it. Gus, is beautiful, smart, caring, and the best damn son I could ever hope for. He might look like me, but damn he’s you through and through. Yeah, you say he’s just like me but I can see you in him. I think he is our child. My looks and your attitude. The world better watch out.

It’s strange, really. Here I am, still a SEAL, Full Commander, and a father of soon to be THREE. I never would have dreamed that this would be my life when I was growing up. I never thought I would be married for 9 years that’s for damn sure. I didn’t think anyone could put up with me for that long. Of course if ‘mom’ has her way we will be re-newing our vows on our anniversary. She keeps hinting that it would be a good thing since she wasn’t there the first time, and it would be right especially with the children. She can play me just as well as you can.

I had often wondered the first couple years we were together what you would think about this shit I write in these books. I never thought of course you would ever see them. Hell, now every year you get a new one to add to your bookshelf in your studio. Yours for me… well let’s just say that they are hidden away where only the two of us could ever find them.

I don’t know if you know, but Mike is getting ready to propose to Emmett. Christ, those two are almost sick. I am grateful that they both however have found someone to love, and care for. Emmett will need you in the coming years, as you need him. You can help him understand what it’s like to be married to a SEAL Have I ever told you what a good friend you are? You are. They are lucky to have you, as you are them.

Now…let’s see. Oh yes, Daphne. That had been a long hard road. I’m thrilled that you finally felt like you could follow through with OUR dreams. Yes, Justin they were OUR dreams. I wanted a child with you… that was our child. Gus, as much as he is like the both of us, he isn’t fully our child. You have accepted him as yours, and care and love him like he is, but he isn’t. He will never know, but it’s true. The truth is buried deep in both of our hearts. His coming into our lives will always be a scar, torn deep into our hearts. But we’ve moved past that, thankfully and can open ourselves to him fully. He will never know what his conception almost did to us.

Now we have two daughters on the way. What am I going to do with a daughter let alone two daughters? I don’t know the first thing about women, Lindsay proved that to me. But I will do my best, love them like no other. They are ours and I will love them like I do Gus. Our children.

Of course you do know that when Daphne is in labor, you will have to handle that alone. Sorry, my Pretty Boy, but I’m not braving that one. She’s just getting over her dislike of me, and we can actually be civil to one another. But she’s already started on the whole ‘it’s my fault she’s in this position’ shit. It doesn’t matter that youre DNA is there too. It was MY sperm. Christ, there is no pleasing that woman.

Next week is your big show. Well another one, but I think that this one will be the best yet. Do I say that every time? Yes, and I’m right. Your art just keeps getting better and better. You are my famous artist. My lover, my husband. This time is different cause you’re showing some of your mom’s things… sorry OUR mom’s art in the show too. And one that Gus did. My son is an artist. I guess it makes sense since his mother was, and he spends all his free time with you in your studio. My kid’s just like you. I know you say he’s just like me, but I don’t see it Justin, I just don’t. Think one of our daughters will take after me?

Wait don’t answer that… it’s just too scary to even think about.

Well I think I better finish getting everything ready. Tonight will be my gift to you, my present. Tonight is my way of saying thank-you for putting up with me, for making me follow my dreams and for sticking beside me.

I love you, Justin Taylor-Kinney with all my heart and soul.

You ARE my Avalon from now until the end of time.

Your Husband, Brian

~~~***~~~***~~~

The End

TBC?
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