Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Chapter Nineteen
~~~***~~~***~~~***

My Dearest Darling Navy Boy:

(yes I’m sucking up) The Admiral promised if I got this to him by five o’clock, I mean seventeen hundred, that he’ll see that it gets sent out to you ASAP. So it’s going to be relatively short.

A few things have been made crystal clear to me and when you get back, I’ll share them with you I promise. But the main thing that is clear is that I love you with all my heart and soul and the rest of the world (you know who I mean) can be damned. Nothing and I mean nothing will come between us. Not now. Not ever. When you are back and things are settled down a bit - I mean the birth of Gus – then you and I need to spend time by ourselves – no family members of any kind – in Baja – We need to spend some time really getting to know one another again. Call it a delayed anniversary vacation or what ever you want. But we will be together ALONE.

Don’t you worry about the family and your team – they just side with me ‘cause I’m cute and blond and you are kind of a big tall old grouch. But they all love you despite your grouchy habits and they will back you up one hundred percent just like I will. I promise you that while it is unlikely I’ll ever be kissy, kissy friendly with ‘she who cannot be named’, I will be a gracious and friendly spouse should it be required. And I will love your son as if he were my own. He will be part of you so how could I not love him?

Look in your kit bag where I usually put your extra socks. I made peanut brittle this time and kahlua fudge. Tell South and Peters that I told you to share but only if they give you a big kiss for me.

I love you Navy Boy, more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow; you are my Avalon.

Forever
Justin.


~~~***~~~***~~~***

End of May 2016

Justin had gone to bed upset with the day’s events. He hadn’t heard from Brian since he’d sent his letter, but he knew that it wasn’t always possible for Brian to write back or even mail a letter. What was upsetting him was Mysterious Marilyn. For the past two days she had been avoiding him. Twice she’d turned around after coming out of her apartment when she’d seen Justin, shutting and locking her door firmly.

He’d noticed her watching him from her window off and on all day today when he was in his studio. She probably didn’t realize that his large panes of glass often acted like a mirror when they were in shadow. And now she wouldn’t answer her telephone or her door. He’d tried her eleven different times during the day. He’d have to be firm and nail her down tomorrow. It had to have something to do with Brian. He could feel the coldness deep inside that always meant Brian was in trouble. He’d called the Admiral but the Admiral wouldn’t tell him anything. Just that as far as he knew the mission was on track.

When the phone rang, Justin almost jumped out of bed, the loudness startled him. “Hello” he answered nervously. He looked at the clock. It was two o’clock in the morning.

“Lieutenant Commander Brian Kinney please.” Said a female voice.

“I’m sorry, Brian is away, this is his husband Justin Taylor-Kinney.”

“Mr. Kinney, we have your husband listed as the emergency contact for a Lindsay Peters. If your husband is unable to be here, could you please come to the General Hospital; there has been an accident involving Miss Peters.”

“What about her partner Melanie Markus, shouldn’t you be contacting her?” Justin asked. He was walking to his closet to take out something to wear as he talked on the phone.

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Miss Marcus is dead. There was a car accident involving both of them.” She paused. “I really think you should come to the hospital now Mr. Kinney.”

“What about the baby, Lindsay is almost nine months pregnant?”

“We are monitoring the baby and so far there is no fetal distress.”

“I’ll be there right away.” Justin said. He hung up the phone and headed for his car.

He arrived at the hospital and managed to find the emergency cubical that held Lindsay as they were wheeling her out. “Lindsay are you okay?” he asked keeping pace with the gurney as it was being taken down the long corridor.

“Justin, I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you and Brian. Tell Brian that I did it because I loved him, but I was wrong. Please take care of Gus. Don’t tell him what I did. Tell him I loved him from the moment he was conceived.” Her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes closed. One of the nurses pushing the gurney shoved Justin out of the way as she called orders to the others and they disappeared behind the doors to the emergency operating theater.

Justin was left alone in the hospital hallway, stunned at what had just happened. Lindsay had been covered in blood. Her head was bandaged and half of her face. He’d barely been able to understand what she was saying, her voice was so slurred. He stood there staring at the doors until someone came and led him to a waiting room. He recognized the voice that was speaking to him as the nurse on the telephone. “Perhaps you’d like to call someone to be with you.” she asked tentatively.

“What’s happening?” Justin asked. He felt like he was in some kind of underwater maze, nothing made sense.

“They are taking Miss Peters to deliver the baby. He was beginning to have distress and Miss Peters was also in distress. Her body just can’t handle supporting the child’s life at the moment.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Justin looked to the nurse for reassurance.

“I’m sorry Mr. Kinney; Miss Peters’s injuries are extensive. You’ll have to talk to the doctor about her condition.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s part of the team in with her now. I’ll let him know you are waiting so he will talk to you when he comes out of the OR.”

Justin sat down abruptly on a hard leather covered bench. He looked at the pictures on the wall, his eyes seeing nothing as he waited to hear what was happening. Sometime during the next hour he phoned his mother. She must have called the others, because soon the entire family, including Daphne was in the waiting room with him.

~~~***~~~***~~~***

“Sir,” Peters asked trying to wake his leader before the plane landed in Virginia. He had strict orders to make sure Brian got the letter from Justin, and Mike wasn’t going to let the Admiral and Justin down again.

Brian slowly opened his eyes, wanting only to close them again and sleep. “Wha?”

“The Admiral wanted me to give this to you. I thought you might want it.”

Brian carefully took the letter from Peters’s hand and sat up a little so he could rest against the propped up pillow leaning against the wall. Squinting his good eye enough so he could read the words written by his lover, Brian felt a lump start to form in his throat. He wasn’t sure what he could expect, not sure what he had thought Justin would be telling him. The last thing Justin had heard from him was the letter he had written and sent while he was drunk. Going back over the day the letter was written, Brian knew that things would be okay. They would make things work, and they would be together.

Laying back down on the small bed below him, Brian held the letter close to his heart. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but with any luck, Justin was waiting for him. They had survived, and would make it out of this, together.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Present day – June 2016- Bethesda Naval Hospital

Admiral Smith was standing outside the room as the doctor looked Brian over. He wanted to have something to give Justin when he went to inform the young man that Brian was back and safe. He wanted to warn Justin if anything was wrong, so that the man could steel himself for what he will see. The last thing he wanted was to cause Justin any more pain. He knew about the problems the two men had been having the past year, and with the recent death of the mother of Brian’s child, and the caring for said child, the Admiral knew that Justin was hanging on by a thread. The last thing he needed was a shock to his system if things didn’t work out.

When the doctor came out, the two men went into a small room just down the hall, ready to discuss the condition of the young Lieutenant Commander. “He’s resting now. I want to keep him under for as long as I can to try and keep him as comfortable as possible.” The doctor sat down in his chair behind his desk and began to look over his notes. “I will tell you, sir, it’s not good. We’re still running tests, and from the information that the team gathered from the camp that man in there was being held at… it isn’t entirely promising. He does however have a lot going for him, so we’re hopeful he’ll come out of this with flying colors.”

“Just knock the shit off and tell me what’s wrong with him. I would like to tell his family that he’s safe and sound.” Admiral Smith stated, willing to use any means necessary to get this doctor to tell him straight out what was wrong.

“It seems that the Commander had been injected with a test drug, a biological agent. The paperwork that the team picked up from the base indicates that it’s very deadly. It attacks the respiratory system of the victim, severely weakening not only his lungs, but his immune system, and puts a strain on his heart.” The doctor looked down at the notes that he had written. “However, I do believe that since he is in such good physical health, he will get through this. It will take a year at most however, for him to be able to return to the SEALs … if ever. Time will tell how much damage had been done to his lungs.”

“What else?” The Admiral asked, wanting to hear it all. He listened as the doctor explained to him the other luckily slight injuries, and what the treatment would be. Satisfied that he now knew enough to go see Justin, the Admiral stood. “I would like to have a bed placed in the Commander’s room.”

“Sir, we can’t do that. Any family members are required to stay in the Fisher house. It’s set up for family members whose loved ones are here. It’s against protocol for anyone to stay in the room with the patient.” The doctor tried to reason with the Admiral, but knowing full well that it was an argument he would lose. Everyone knew that one phone call would have the CNO there and ordering them to do as the Admiral wanted.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Daphne came rushing into the room, completely out of breath, causing Justin to pause in his work. He hadn’t been able to leave his studio for days, waiting for some word about his husband. His life since the day Brian had gone missing had been filed with reading Brian’s journals and painting. The one he spent the most time with was Gus, and luckily he was such a good baby. Justin believed that Gus knew what was going on, and was waiting for his daddy to come home to him too.

Fear suddenly shot through Justin’s system as he tried to make out what Daphne was saying. Finally deciding that he didn’t have time, he rushed out of the room where the obvious problem was coming from. When he saw Admiral Smith standing there in the middle of the common room, Justin collapsed. He knew right away, Brian was home, he was safe.

~~~***~~~***~~~





Justin walked through the halls of the hospital straight to the room the Admiral had told him Brian was staying in. During the nearly three hour drive it took to get from Avalon to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Justin heard all about what Brian would be going through during the next 5-6 months at least. “He will need to have an oxygen tank handy in case he has an attack. Since his lungs are weak, the doctor informed me that heat, humidity will affect his breathing. Plus, he will need to keep not completely stress free, but have things as calm as he can. The doctor was smart enough to know that being completely stress free would be impossible.”

“What else?” Justin asked as if he was in a daze. Hearing about drugs, and experiments, respiratory problems and stress on the heart, was causing Justin to need to see Brian. He had to see for himself that Brian was alive and well. Everything sounded so serious that they were making it out that Brian was already dead, or dying. That was something that Justin could not accept.

“He does have a cracked cheek bone on the right side of his face, so his eye is swollen shut right now, and I’m sure that for a while he will talk a little funny, but there was no injury to his nose or eye, which is a good sign. All he’ll need for that is ice, aspirin, and soft foods for a while.” The Admiral explained. “The only other injuries are some cuts on his back and arms, which will heal in no time. None of them needed stitches.”

“So the worst is his lungs. Will he be able to return to the SEALs?” Justin asked. He hated the thought that Brian might not be able to return to something he loved, especially now that Justin knew what it meant to his husband.

“The doctors are very optimistic. They said that after the first six months, Brian’s lungs should be well enough for him to start a light training exercise program. Six months after that, he should be able to take the physical test and return to active duty.”

“Good. Good.” Justin looked out the window, counting the minutes until he could see his love. He needed to know that Brian would be okay. He needed to let Brian know that he was there, and that he loved him. All that mattered was getting to the hospital.


~~~***~~~***~~~

Justin stood outside of Brian’s hospital room watching through the window as a team of doctors stood around his bed and talked to each other, ignoring the man who lay in the bed with his eyes shut. Justin could see that someone had put Brian’s ring and bracelet on and he smiled. He bet it was South who had done that. He’d know more than any one else how much it would mean to Brian. Brian clutched something in one hand. He couldn’t tell what it was but it appeared to be a piece of paper. Finally they all began to leave.

When the room cleared Justin walked in. “Hey Navy Boy, the things you’ll do to get some attention.” Justin went over and kissed Brian’s forehead and then smoothed back his sweaty hair.

“Justin” the word was slurred. “Pretty boy is it really you?” Brian was finally able to open one eye. He tried to smile but it was too painful. “Fuck” he said clearly.

“Not now dear, I have a headache.” Justin joked.

“Asshole.” Brian pulled Justin close with his surprisingly strong grip of his right hand. He began to wheeze, unable to catch his breath. Justin quickly put the oxygen mask over his face like he’d been instructed should Brian be in distress.

“Breathe Navy Boy, calm down and breathe.”

Brian took a few deep breaths of the medicated oxygen and then removed the mask. “Stuff stinks.”

“You’re no rose yourself.” Justin smiled. He climbed up on the hospital bed. To hell with what anyone thought and cradled Brian to him. “I love you Lieutenant Commander Kinney. And when you get back in shape I’m sooooo going to kick your ass for scaring me like this.”

“Sorry for my letter. Was drunk and stupid.” Brian clutched Justin’s letter to him. “Did you write this one before you got mine?” he had to ask. Maybe Justin had changed his mind about what he’d read.

“No I wrote it after I got yours.” Justin kissed Brian’s neck. “Rest now Brian, we can talk later.”

“Need to know. Do you really still love me?” Brian knew he sounded weak and pitiful, he hated it, but he needed to hear the words.

“I love you more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow.” Justin repeated the familiar words. “You are my life, you are my Avalon.” He kissed his husband again, careful of his bad cheek.

“Even if I’m a selfish son of a bitch?”

“Even if you are the biggest, baddest bastard on the Eastern Seaboard.” Justin assured him. “Now be a good Navy Boy and shut up or I’ll have them give you a shot of something. You need your rest.”

“What if I can never make love to you again. I can’t breathe good enough to even pump my dick off.” Brian looked and sounded heartbroken at the thought.

“Why in hell would you even be trying to pump your dick in the condition you’re in?” Justin asked mystified.

“I wanted to see if it still worked.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “It will still work; all of you still works. I have it on good authority that you will be back to normal sooner than you think. You can even start a mild exercise program in a few months and you can requalify for the SEALS within a year. That’s not bad.”

“I don’t think I will.”

“Don’t think you will what?”

“Be a SEAL again.”

“Of course you will. I married a SEAL and damn it I expect to have a SEAL until he retires many, many years from now.”

“I can’t keep doing this to you.” Brian’s words might have been slurred but his meaning was clear.

“Look Navy Boy, I refuse to discuss this now. You just got back from where ever the fuck you were. You’re a tad broken and damned if I’m going to let you give up on the SEALs now.” Justin looked over and glared at Brian. “I am going to lie here in your bed and hold you close and count my blessings that you are in my arms. And you are going to be a nice husband and shut your eyes, turn off your brain and go to sleep.”

“I love you Justin.” Brian whispered before giving in and falling asleep. Justin held Brian close. He had to concentrate on not hurting him, though he wanted to hold on tight. Tomorrow he would have to tell Brian about Lindsay and Mel. He would call his mother and get her to bring Gus to the hospital. Brian had to see his son and move forward from Lindsay’s death and onto the new life that he was responsible for. It was something Justin knew he would need to do.

Justin stayed watch over Brian the entire night. He was awake and observed every time someone came in to check on his husband. He refused to move off of Brian’s bed and in his sleep; Brian refused to let Justin go as well. His breathing was raspy and labored, but he was breathing on his own and that was a good sign.

The next morning while Brian was being examined by the doctors and being interrogated by the Admiral and two other officers, Justin made the phone call to his mother to have Gus brought to Brian. He knew his husband needed to be as stress free as possible, but he also knew that Brian wouldn’t accept any kind of explanations as to where Lindsay or Gus was. He needed the truth and then he needed to move on.

~~~***~~~***~~~
Justin saw his mother from the corner of his eye. “Hey Navy Boy, I’ve to leave you for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” Brian asked. He didn’t want Justin to leave.

“Just outside the door. I’ll be right back, there’s someone you have to meet.”

“I don’t want to see anyone.”

“Tough” Justin kissed Brian on the nose. “Be a good boy and wait for me.”

“Where in hell do you think I’m going to go?” Brian griped and he glared at the oxygen tank next to his bed.

“That’s my boy, always positive and uplifting.” Justin teased as he slipped out of the room.

“Justin, have you told him yet?” His mother asked.

“No, I’m going to give him Gus to hold and I’m going to tell him. Can you wait here, I think he’ll want some privacy.”

“I’ll wait. Gus just has his bottle and a little nap.” She smiled fondly at her grandchild.

“We won’t be long.” Justin walked back inside with Gus in his arms.

“Brian I’d like to introduce you to your son.” Justin placed Gus in Brian’s arms. “He’s three days old and he has the same eyes as you.”

Brain looked at Justin and then back at Gus. “Lindsay, something has happened to Lindsay.” His voice was low and stricken with pain.

“Lindsay and Melanie were in a car accident. A drunk driver hit them head on. Melanie died instantly and Linds, well she didn’t make it through the birth. She was just too badly injured. I stayed with her as long as I could. She lived long enough to see Gus and to tell him that she loved him.” Justin watched his husband carefully for signs of stress. He could see Brian’s breathing becoming more and more ragged as he held his son, his eyes never leaving the boy’s face. Once tear escaped from his swollen eye. Justin handed him the oxygen mask and helped him breath into it.

“Gus, he’s okay?” Brian asked.

“He was born by C section, and yes he’s fine. He’s better than fine. Mom has been watching him while I’m here at the hospital. I had him before that.”

“You know about babies?”

“Gus and I are learning together.” Justin admitted. “He promised he won’t tell when I screw things up.”

“You won’t, you never do.”

“Do you want me to leave you alone for a few minutes? Leave you with Gus?”

“No, don’t leave me. I learned that lesson well. Whatever we have to face, good or bad, we have to do it together.” Brian reached out and took Justin’s hand in his. “Stay with Gus and I.”

“I will be with you forever Brian.”

~~~***~~~***~~~




“Hey sexy, you look like shit.” Lieutenant Jacobs stated as she walked into the room behind Justin. “I had heard what happened, it’s good to see you up and around.”

“Relatively speaking. Justin won’t fucking let me out of this damn wheelchair, and I can’t do a damn thing.” He said with a small smile on his lips as he looked over at his husband. “The Admiral told me that you had information for me regarding this bogus charge against me.” When Brian had talked to the Admiral he had found out that charges were being brought, what they were he didn’t know, but he was dying to find out. He didn’t think it could be too bad, hell he knew that whatever it was had to be false. He didn’t do anything wrong so whatever trumped up charges they had should easily be dismissed.

Stacy sat down in a chair across from Brian and pulled some documents out of her briefcase. “It’s not good, TP. Not good at all.”

Brian grabbed the papers and started reading them. “Christ! Twelve charges? What the fuck!?” Brian felt Justin lean into him, looking over his shoulder. “Well at least only 6 of them are punishable by death.”

“What is this? I don’t understand… how can they even bring these against Brian? I mean Espionage?” Justin exclaimed. He couldn’t understand what was going on, all he knew was that none of the charges he saw in front of them were his husband at all. Not at all the man he knew.

“Let’s see, conspiracy, Solicitation, sedition… okay they are basically saying that I tried to get others to join me in going against the U.S.?” Brian shook his head not believing what he was reading at all. “Misbehavior before the enemy… endangering my unit? Christ I’m a SEAL. We deal with danger every damn day.”

Justin glanced at the other stuff, and felt dread and fear enter his body. “Improper Use of Countersign, Aiding the Enemy and Espionage? It says here that you aided the enemy in giving information on troop movements and locations of troops willingly and with the full intent of causing injury to the United States? That’s bullshit.”

“I know that, but we have to prove it.” Jacobs said. She had known that the charges brought against Brian were bad, and that the man she knew would be upset, but it was her job to let him know the full range of what was about to happen. “The accusation states that during your time as a SEAL you gave information to the enemy, such as troop movement, intelligence and so forth, which caused great damage to the U.S. and its interest. Furthermore, they also state that you had solicited other members of your unit and other people to assist you, used extortion even, which in turn caused the death of one Matthew Stevenson, and others. That’s where the Manslaughter charge comes in.”

“Fuck! I didn’t cause Matt’s death. Anyone on my team can tell you that.” Brian ran his hand through his hair, feeling the weight of the situation surround him. “Assault? Where does that come in? Did I hit someone that I shouldn’t have while I was trying to fucking extort them?”

“All the charges were brought up by an unknown source… all but that one. One…” she began as she looked through the documents she had just received that morning. “Sergeant Ethan Gold.”

“What!?” Justin yelled. He couldn’t believe that Ethan would stoop that low. Then again it fit right into the personality of his ex. “That bastard. Brian never touched him.”

“Right now it’s Brian’s word against his.”

“Well the only one I might see is the last one… Conduct unbecoming. Fuck.” Brian leaned back trying to calm his racing heart, and slow his breathing. In all the excitement he could feel his lungs constrict, blocking the flow of air throughout his body. He felt Justin place the small oxygen mask over his mouth and nose as he began to run soothing circles across his back. He could hear Justin telling him to breathe, that everything would be alright, allowing him to slowly bring his breathing back to normal. “Thanks.” He whispered to his husband, thankful that Justin was there.

“What are his chances?” Justin asked wanting to get this over with so he could get Brian into bed, and needing to know what he could do to make this right. He already knew he would have to have a little talk with Ethan, the rest he would have to do some digging. Someone was out to get Brian, and Justin was determined to find out who it is.

“If we can find out who did it, find out why they lied on the reports… we might have a chance. But the problem is if we don’t find the person, no one knows what happened while you were held, Brian. No one else was in the room. It will be only your word. I’m sorry, I wish I could give you better news.” Stacy felt bad that she couldn’t give them a better chance, some hope that this would turn out right. She knew that Brian was innocent, but proving it would be hard. “Do you have any enemies? Anyone who would do this?”

Brian let out a small laugh and leaned back into Justin’s touch. “I’d say that in the last 6 years… somewhere between 20 and 50. Maybe more. And that’s military personnel.”

Justin was shocked at the numbers. He couldn’t imagine Brian making that many enemies… not the type who could do something like this. Yes he knew his husband could be a grouch and a down-right ass hole, but not to the extent of someone wanting to have him dead.

”Come up with a list, and I’ll start looking into them. We have three weeks to come up with something. I tried to get it moved back because of your injury, but I was overruled.” Stacy started to pack up the papers and kissed Brian on the top of his head. “We’ll get through this. I haven’t’ lost a case yet, and I don’t plan on starting now.”

“Thanks, Stac.” Brian watched as his friend walked out of the room. “I think I need to lie down. I need to think about who could do this, and frankly right now… my mind is a complete mess.”

“Well figure this out, Brian. We’ll get through this. I promise.”

Brian placed his hand on top of Justin’s and smiled up at his lover. “I know.”

“I love you, Brian. Always and forever.”


~~~***~~~***~~~
“Please William, you know that Brian won’t leave the area. He’s too ill and Justin has the new baby, he needs to be home with Gus. Can’t you have Brian released in Justin’s care?”

“Komari, as much as I’d like to, I can’t go against regulations. These are serious charges that have been put forth. I know that they’re bogus and damn it so does everyone on the team, but if Brian is released anywhere, it will be to the Brig.”

“He isn’t well enough and you know it.” Komari argued. “Why not just put him on house arrest. You can have the MP’s watch his house or hell, station them as a guard at his apartment.”

“Komari, you said hell.” The Admiral chuckled. “I guess you are serious about this.” He thought for a moment. “I’m going to stick my neck out on this one. I’ll have Brian brought home and placed under house arrest. He’d have to be guarded whether he is in the hospital or home, so having the guards at the house shouldn’t be that bad. But you’d better make sure Justin understands that Brian is to stay put. I don’t want my head chopped off if he should take it in his head to disappear.”

“William I am surprised you even said that. Brian Kinney is an honorable man and he would never run out on you and you know it.” The Admiral put his arms around his wife. “I know, I know, I’m just worried about him. I have every contact I’ve ever made out there trying to find out who has accused him of such nonsense. And if I ever get my hands on that little weasel Gold, well let’s just say it won’t be the violin he’ll be playing. I hope he knows the harp.”

~~~***~~~***~~~
“Justin I am not fucking going to be guarded at my own home.” Brian looked stubbornly away from his partner who was holding his clothing and trying to convince Brian to get dressed.

“I’m going to tell you this only once more Navy Boy. You are going to put on this uniform and get your ass in the wheelchair. I am going to wheel you down to the hospital entrance where you will be transported in a Navy vehicle guarded by two rather handsome MP’s. You will fucking shut up about it. Apparently I have two babies to take care of and frankly, Gus is a lot less bother.” Justin was standing at the side of the bed, hands on hips now and glaring at Brian.

“What happened to ‘poor Brian, he’s been through hell and back’” Brian asked.

“News flash, you are a Navy Seal, suck it up and get on with your life.”

“And how am I supposed to do that. I can’t even fuck my husband.” Brian grumbled as he began to put on his uniform. He had to move slowly or he lost all control of his breathing and needed to use the ever present oxygen.

“You AREN’T still griping about that are you?” Justin said with a laugh. “Your dick isn’t going to fall off if you don’t fuck for a few weeks.”

Brian glared at him.

Relenting Justin went over and began to do the shirt buttons up on Brian’s uniform. “Once we get home Navy Boy and in our own bed. I’ll make sure you know that your dick still works.” He kissed Brian on the nose. “Now sit down while I tie up your boots.”

“I can do my own boots up.” Brian bent over and soon realized he couldn’t breathe in that position. After he’d turned blue and accepted the oxygen mask again,. Justin squatted down and did up the highly polished boots. “Thank you “ Brian whispered. It was as close to an apology as Justin was going to get.

“Asshole” Justin said and smacked Brian gently on the ass before he sat in the wheel chair. He kissed the top of his husband’s head to take the sting out of his name calling.
“You know Brian, I love you and I believe in you. This will pass eventually. All of our friends and family believe in you and it really will be easier for me if you and Gus are together with me under one roof. He needs me there now and you need me. It’s killing me needing to be in two places at the same time.” He sighed. “Komari had to do a lot of talking to convince the Admiral to go against regulations and release you to my care. So let’s show her and the Admiral that we appreciate it.”

~~~***~~~***~~~
Brian lay awake in his own bed, propped up on pillows so that he could breathe easier. Justin had just gotten up for the second time during the night to tend to Gus. He didn’t know how the blond was able to make it through the day with as little sleep as he got.

It was the third day at home and Brian had to admit it was nicer being in his own bed in his own home than under the never ending watchful eye at the VA hospital. He felt guilty that he’d kept Justin there as long as he had, but he couldn’t stand being out of contact with Justin. It was almost as if he’d begin to panic if he couldn’t hear him or see him.

Brian listened on the baby monitor. Justin was talking to Gus as he changed him and fed him another bottle. You could hear the love in his husband’s voice. It was always there no matter how many times he had to tend to the baby. He talked almost constantly to Brian’s son when he was with him. He told him about how the day was going, about his daddy and how he was doing. Brian could hear him kiss the baby and then he could hear the soft creak of the wooden rockers. Justin was feeding Gus and singing a soft soothing nonsense word lullaby that appeared to be something he’d made up.

Brian wished he could do something to lighten Justin’s load. Justin never seemed to flag. He made sure Brian was comfortable and tended to Gus. He’d put an extra bassinette in their room so that Brian could watch his son sleep during the day. Which is mostly what Gus did. He even bathed the boy in Brian’s room so that Brian could be part of Gus’ daily care. While he watched his tireless husband, Brian vowed to make it better for him someday. He would leave the Navy when all this nonsense was over. He’d seek a medical discharge. There had to be something he could do out in the civilian world to earn a living. It wasn’t fair to Justin or to Gus to have a father who would disappear for weeks on end and may or may not come back in once piece or at all.

~~~***~~~***~~~
“Daphne, it’s Brian.” Brian spoke slowly into the phone to conserve his breath.

“Hey Brian.” Daphne felt she should apologize for the way she acted the last time they had spoken. “I’m sorry about going off on you.”

“Daphne, don’t worry about it. I should have figured it out on my own.” Brian paused for breath. “I was wondering, has Justin spoken to you anymore about having a baby?”

“You mean one for the two of you?”

“Yes”

“Brian, it’s not likely that will happen. He’s given up on that dream. He gave up on it when Lindsay became pregnant with Gus. You have to have known that.”

“Why did he give up on his dream?” Brian was puzzled.

“You’ll have to ask Justin that Brian. I’ve already said enough.”

“But you’d still do it wouldn’t you?” Brian asked.

“If it was what Justin wanted. Yes I guess I would still do it. But Brian, don’t push him on this. He is still hurting about you and Lindsay despite anything he might say. He really felt that you had chosen her over him so, he’s kind of gun shy about the whole baby thing. I even offered to have one with just him as the sperm donor, but he said only if I wanted one someday, that he would donate, but that the child would be mine.”

“Lindsay’s fucking dead and he still has issues with her?” Brian’s voice rose. He could feel himself becoming angry though he wasn’t sure why.

“Brian, calm down. I shouldn’t have talked to you about this.”

“Brian you left him for a woman. Maybe not in body, but emotionally. A woman who stole what was his and a woman who lied to you constantly, keeping you emotionally tied to her. I’m sorry if this hurts you. I know Lindsay was your friend. That isn’t something you get over quickly. And don’t bother getting pissed about what I said. I can guarantee you Justin will never discuss it with you, just like he doesn’t discuss his paintings that he does when you’re gone. You don’t have to worry. He has treated Gus as his own child from the moment he was born. He’ll be a great father for the child. Don’t ever doubt him on that.”

“What are you talking about, I mean about Lindsay?” Brian hesitated. “Daphne I need to know everything and you’re right, Justin won’t talk to me about her now that she’s dead.”

“Brian, I’m Justin’s friend, I have been for a long time, since we were five years old. But I would never do to him what Lindsay did to you. She wanted a child for her and Melanie and she wanted your child. She and Melanie had no intention of letting you be part of Gus’s life. She told Justin that. She also had an almost ‘perfect pregnancy’ though she didn’t tell you that. She was doing her best to keep you and Justin apart. I don’t know why that was her agenda, but I do know all the little tricks she pulled to keep you apart. Keeping you away on Justin’s birthday was only part of it.” Daphne sighed. “But to Justin, that is all over and done with. He doesn’t discuss it with me at all and I don’t expect he ever will. You might ask him about his abstract paintings though. The ones he does when you’re away or when he’s upset or bothered. He has a whole room filled with them in his studio.”

“Daphne, you’ve given me a lot to think about. I am going to try and get Justin to talk but if he won’t at least I know what was happening.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Hey Navy Boy, why are you sitting here in the dark?” Justin breezed into the living room carrying Gus. “Your son wanted to visit with his daddy.” Justin plunked Gus on Brian’s knee.

“Justin, I might drop him.” Brian said. He looked at the small face of his son. Gus returned the look and then smiled. “He smiled at me.” Brian looked at Justin in wonder.
“I didn’t know babies could smile like that.”

“Babies do lots of neat things.” Justin said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Justin don’t leave me alone with him.” Brian said his voice filled with panic.

“Why not, do you have sudden urge to toss him on the floor?” Justin asked as he left the room.

“Your other daddy is a big pain in the ass.” Brian said to Gus.

“I heard that.” Justin smirked, he’d returned with the camera. Not giving Brian a chance to object, Justin began to snap some pictures. “I need one of you and Gus for my office desk.” Justin explained.

“One, not ten.” Brian grumbled. “Can’t you wait for my face to heal?”

“Nope.” Justin sat down beside Brian on the sofa. “He’s kind of cute isn’t he?” he nodded toward Gus who was on Brian’s knee watching them from his vantage point.

“What about having Daphne help us make a sister for him?” Brian ventured.

“Oh I think Gus will like being an only child. He’ll get all the good toys and things at Christmas, won’t you Gus?” Justin made a face at the baby who responded with a smile.

“But you wanted a baby. A baby with both of us as her parents.”

“I have a baby. I have Gus and I have you. That’s more than enough for me to handle.” Justin smiled up at Brian not at all unhappy with his lot in life. Though Brian was beginning to think that his husband had more of a poker face than he’d ever suspected.

It was then that Brian realized that something had died inside his husband. Some spark had disappeared and he wasn’t sure when it had happened, but he suspected it was during the months when Lindsay was pregnant with Gus. He didn’t know what he was going to do about it, but he had to do something to show Justin that he loved him and that he was sorry for being fooled.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“We need to get everything straight, here.” Stacy stated as she sat down at the small desk Justin had set up in their bedroom. It had appeared to Stacy that Justin wanted to make sure that Brian had everything he needed while he was resting. Of course with Justin it almost meant strict bed rest, but it didn’t seem to bother Brian too much. Of course she knew he went out and wheeled around in the chair, and he had started working with the walker that he would have to use next, but Brian tried to do that when Justin wasn’t around. Brian was trying to do things on his own to lesson the load on Justin. Stacy would love to be around when Justin caught Brian out of bed when he was supposed to be resting. That would be a fight she would pay to see.

Brian leaned back against the pillows, pen and paper in hand, trying to remember everything that happened. “I don’t know how many times I can say this. I don’t fucking remember a lot about when I was being held. I was fucking out of it!”

“Will you calm down before Justin comes tearing in here and ripping me a new one for letting you get worked up?” Stacy asked as she saw Brian start to have a slight problem breathing. She reached over and placed the oxygen mask in Brian’s hand and just stared at him, letting him know that he had better listen to her. “Now, do you feel better?”

Brain set the mask beside him on the bed and shook his head. “I won’t feel better until this shit is over with. I want to move on with my life… and what it’s doing to Justin… I can’t do this to him, Stac. I can’t.”

Stacy got up and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Brian. “Justin wants to do this. He’s doing this because he loves you… why I don’t know. So live with it. We’ll deal with this, and then you work on getting better so you can go back to being a SEAL.”

“I’m not going back.”

“Why the fuck not?” Stacy was shocked. This was the first she was hearing about Brian not returning to active duty.

“I said I’m not going back. It’s too much, Stac. Justin doesn’t need to deal with that shit. I thought it before, but now I know.” Brian looked over and saw the question in her eyes. “Let’s just say that everyone opened my eyes to some things before I left on the last mission. And I’ve thought about it and they’re right.”

“And you’re listening to them because?”

“Can we just get this over with? I don’t want to talk about it right now… we have other things to get through.” Brian picked up the paper and started to once again to review the list of charges that were being brought against him. He was trying to make a list of rebuttals for every one. “So in less than two weeks, I’m going to be standing in front of the judge… well as much as I can stand anyway.”

Stacy caught the change of topics and knew that before all was said and done, she would have to have a serious talk with her friend. “It will be an Article 32 hearing. What that is, is basically a Grand Jury in civil courts. They will hear testimony and review evidence to see if there is enough to take you to court martial.”

“So I can go through this shit again? Fuck why don’t they just kill me now and get it over with?” Brian cursed. He felt his chest constrict, making it hard for him to breathe. “Fuck,” he rasped as he placed the mask once again over his face. Brian couldn’t see how in the world he could get through one trial let alone two. It would kill him. “Can’t I just request to by-pass this and only have one? I can’t do this shit twice.”

“They have already decided. Trust me, I’ve been trying to get them to move it back a couple of weeks, but they won’t.”

“Fine.” Brian closed his eyes willing the pain to go away, only opening them again when he felt he could breathe normally once more. “So we know that the Ethan thing should be easy to get rid of… it’s just all the other shit that will be a pain.”

“Unless we can find out who called in the information, and if we can get them to admit that they were false then … well it won’t be easy.” Stacy looked over at Brian, hating what this was doing to her friend. The both knew that the ‘charges’ were brought up on the eve of the would-be announcement of Brian being put in for the Medal of Honor. They had a motive, but no suspect. They all knew that it was someone who didn’t like Brian, but no idea who could hate him enough to try to get him sentenced to death. “We’re working on it, Brian. We’ll get this cleared up.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Just make sure that you update my will. Keep Justin and Gus, and any other kids safe. You might want to take out anything about pensions and benefits. When… sorry if I get convicted then those won’t be available.” Brian told her as he went back to making his list. Defeat in every fiber of his being.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“Justin is Brian near you?” Justin thought it was an odd question for Stacy to ask.

“No, he’s having a nap, but don’t tell him I told you. He doesn’t ‘do’ naps.”

Stacy laughed. “You do have your hands full don’t you pretty boy?”

“Gawd Stacy not you with the pretty boy.”

“Sorry, I’m just so used to Brian referring to you as that, it just slipped out.”

“Tell me he doesn’t call me that at the base.” Justin was mortified.

“I don’t think so, only when he’s talking to me.” Stacy assured him. “Justin I have to ask you something. You have every right to refuse my request. It could be dangerous and you know if Brian thought I’d put you in danger, my life would be worthless.”

“What do you want Stacy?”

“The thing is, I’ve heard rumors that directly involve Brian’s case. I can’t go through the regular channels because a rumor is just that, hearsay. But we only have less than a week. I need to get something positive to help Brian out of this mess.”

“Stacy, what do you want me to do?” Justin didn’t hesitate.

“It’s a long shot Justin, but it’s the only one we have.”

~~~***~~~***~~~
End of Chapter Nineteen

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