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Chapter Thirteen
Present time - 2016
Brian rolled over onto his side, trying to catch his breath. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever be able to breath right again. He could still taste the blood every time he coughed. Sweat poured off of his body, his skin cold and clammy. Brian knew that he would only get worse, and he could only hope that he would make it out of here to at least see Justin again.
He was starting to see visions of Justin sitting beside him, telling him that everything would be all right. Brian could hear Justin telling him that he had to be strong, to hold on. Justin was telling him that he would be waiting. Brian knew that it wasn’t real, but he took comfort in the fact that Justin would be there when and if he ever made it out of there. He only wished that he would be there now. Justin could make him warm again, help take away the pain.
“Do you think he’s going to all right?” one of the other men asked the Senior Chief , looking over at the sick Commander wondering if he would make it until help arrives. “He’s talking to someone, but I can’t really understand him.”
The Senior Chief shrugged a little and looked over at the Commander. “If his fever keeps going up, we’re going to have to try something. He’s starting to hallucinate, and it he doesn’t seem to be getting any better.”
“Hopefully they will be here soon, right?”
“We can only hope. Until then let’s try and find some food and water. Maybe see if there’s something we can use to keep him warm.” The Senior Chief ordered the others. He had no idea what to do, or how to go about it, but he was willing to try. They had to try to keep them all alive so they could all make it home.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
Present time 2016
To anyone looking at Justin, he would have seemed to be asleep. But in reality as the plane flew across the continent to take him on a fast trip to Baja, Justin was wide-awake. He had a feeling deep inside that Brian needed him desperately. He couldn’t see him, but he could feel the pain his husband was feeling. He could feel the heat of his fever. So for the entire flight, since the onset of this dreadful feeling, Justin kept up a mantra in his head. Over and over, a thousand times a hundred thousand times, he kept repeating. “Hang on Navy Boy, I love you, you can do it. You can come home to me. Hang on Navy Boy.”
When the plane landed Justin wondered if anyone had even missed him. He’d be back on the next flight to Virginia, but he had to retrieve Brian’s journals first. There was an urgency involved that he couldn’t quite understand, but he knew it was important to both of them that he learn as much as he could about the man who was so strong and silent about his feelings.
Justin didn’t need to waste time with luggage; he hadn’t brought anything other than the small carry on bag that he hoped to put the journals in. Continuing his mantra he hailed a cab directing the driver to take him to his bank. When the safety deposit box was opened, Justin could only stare silently at the worn and stained leather journals that held the key to the man he loved. His hands shook slightly as he lifted them out one by one and placed them in his bag. He could almost feel Brian’s hands touching his. Shaking his head and not daring to open even one, for he knew he’d be lost in the world between the pages, Justin closed the box and once again headed for the airport. He didn’t want to be gone too long. Brian might need him.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
Present time – 2016 – in the air over the continental United States.
“It must be a sad book” the stewardess looked down and smiled sympathetically at Justin who was reading the first of the journals Brian had written.
Justin brushed the tears from his eyes and looked up at her. “Actually it’s a great book, not sad at all.”
“Do I know the author?”
“I don’t think so. He’s kind of a hero of mine, he’s my husband.” Justin smiled at her and turned back to his reading. Reliving their first year through Brian’s eyes was an amazing experience. It was a gift from the heart and something Justin would always cherish as long as he lived. He’d have to have Harry build him a special cabinet for the journals. Something out of the ordinary, like the man who wrote them.
Somehow the act of reading Brian’s gift to him calmed Justin. He no longer was walking through a thick fog. Brian had given him his heart and his innermost thoughts. It was comforting to know that somewhere out there Brian was fighting to get back to him. To know for sure that he’d never give up. The pages of these journals told him that clearer than any prediction from Mysterious Marilyn.
Justin dozed during the cab ride back to Avalon. He dozed but he never lost his grip on the handles of the bag that held his lover’s journals. When he finally walked into the big old mansion he was surprised at all the faces looking at him. The whole family was sitting in the common room and they all jumped up when he came in. “Baby, we thought, maybe you were in your studio painting.” Emmett began. “We were just wondering if we should get Harry to go and interrupt you.”
“No, I had to get something Brian left for me.” Justin’s voice was soft reflecting his tiredness. He walked into the room and gave his friend a hug.
“I’ll get you a cup of tea Sunshine.” Debbie said and hurried to the small kitchenette to put the kettle on.
“Thanks Deb.” Justin said and sat down in the chair that was always reserved for Brian. No one ever sat in it except his husband, but he wanted to feel close to the tall auburn haired man, so he indulged his bit of whimsy and sank into the down filled leather cushions. “I have something I thought you guys might like to hear. Remember that Thanksgiving when you all came to Spain. Remember I’d broken my ankle and Brian was having a major hissy about looking after me and dealing with ‘family’”
“That’s not hard to forget Justin.” Michael said. “I thought Brian was going to kill me a number of times. Especially when I went down where you fell to get your paint box for you and slipped myself.”
They all laughed remembering Brian’s stricken face when Michael had to be hauled up the side of the cliff on a stretcher by the rescue team. He only had a bad sprain, but the fact that Justin had climbed out of the same cliff with a broken ankle stabbed Brian to the quick.
“You never let go of my paint box. I’ll always remember that.” Justin smiled. “Thanks Mikey.”
“Well you saved me when Brian threw me to the sharks, it was the least I could do.” Michael laughed. “I have to admit since I met your husband my life has been more interesting.”
“So the stories Michael tells me about Brian are true?” Ben asks quietly.
Everyone in the room laughed their agreement.
“I remember how protective he was of you Sunshine.” Debbie said. “I felt bad that I’d railed on him when I saw the love in his eyes. He reminded me of some feral cat protecting his kitten.”
“Not a comparison the grand Mr. Kinney would appreciate.” Emmett said with a laugh. I remember that time verrrry well. I stayed on until Justin’s ankle was better. I saw how Brian’s eyes would look haunted when everyone seemed to overwhelm him and then how calm he’d get when Justin would touch his hand.” Emmett looked at Justin. “He really loves you baby.”
“The love Brian and Justin share, they’ve shared in many lifetimes.” Mysterious Marilyn said. She looked at Justin, “He’s sick, but he’s alive, it’s only a matter of time.”
Justin glowed at her words. “I had a feeling he was sick. I could feel him.” He whispered.
“Vic, you aren’t saying much, do you remember that Thanksgiving?” Debbie asked.
“I’ll never forget it.” Vic’s voice rumbled. “I remember you were being a little spoiled brat.” He smiled at Justin. “I remember that Brian knew it but indulged you though it was close at times. Brian still had a lot of insecurities he needed to work out.” He looked at the journal in Justin’s hands. “Brian told me he was writing his feelings out, I see you found his books.”
“Yes, he told me about them a long time ago. He told me that when I needed them the most, to go and get them out of the safety deposit box.”
“He’s a good man, your husband.” Vic said quietly.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
26 November 2013
“Brian hurry, the plane will be here soon.” Justin called from his place in the middle of their bed. Brian looked in and glared at him.
“You should have thought of that when you were playing Tarzan on the rocks.” He grumbled. “I have a lot of shit to do to get ready for these guys and they’re your fucking friends, not mine. Tell me again why I’m involved with this up to my eyebrows.”
“Cause you love me?”
Brian rolled his eyes. “I had to get South to drive the other van. He’s got a life outside of the Navy and the Kinney crises you know.”
“Tell him I’ll make him something special for the next time you guys get called out.”
“You’d better hope it’s not in the next six weeks or you’re going to be one sorry ass gay boi all alone here in the house.”
“You wouldn’t leave me here alone.” Justin declared.
“I don’t have time to be looking for babysitters when I get a call out.”
“Brian” Justin said with his voice all but purring. “I really, really love you and I’ll make it up to you I promise.”
Brian’s anger melted under the watchful blue eyes. “Whatever, I have to go.” He mumbled but he did stop by the bed to give Justin a kiss and make sure that he had everything he’d need for the next hour or so.
Justin watched his husband leave. When the noise of the van faded in the distance he made his way off of the bed and walked carefully into the kitchen. He checked that Brian had bought the stuff on his grocery list and poured himself a glass of juice.
His ankle was killing him, but it wasn’t all that bad. He figured though he’d better play it up as much as possible. Brian wasn’t as ready to kill him when he thought Justin was in pain. Grabbing his favorite sketch book and some pencils, Justin went back to bed to wait for the arrival of the family from back home.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
“OH MY GAWD, SUNSHINE” Debbie’s high pitched voice cut through all of the other voices as the gang trouped through the door.
Brian rolled his eyes. “Hey don’t touch that bag.” He shouted at Michael. “You guys are staying at a hotel.”
“Ma said we were staying with you.” Michael continued to haul out the heavy bag. “Where is my room?”
“At the hotel.” Brian stormed into the house. “Everybody SHUT THE FUCK UP” he roared. Silence fell on the gang who were crowded around and on Justin’s bed. “Now that I have your attention.” His voice dripped sarcasm. “You can have a half hour visit with Justin and then you will be taken to your hotel.”
“Just a darn minute here Brian Kinney.” Deb began. She walked up to the outraged man and shook her finger in his face. “Sunshine has had a very traumatic experience. He needs his family around him.”
“His family dear Deb is ME. I’m his family.” Brian began.
“That’s okay Brian, Deb said she didn’t mind sharing the green room with Vic. There are twin beds in it and Emmett and Michael will have the blue room. And Marilyn said she much prefers to use the lounge by the pool. It’ll allow her the chance to study the stars from this hemisphere.” Justin looked up at his husband and batted his eyes.
“Fine, I’ll take the hotel rooms. Let me know when you guys leave.” Brian was about to turn and stomp off when he caught a glimpse of Justin’s blue eyes filling with tears. “Fuck” he said and headed for the bathroom slamming the door behind him.
Justin smiled a watery smile at everyone. “Brian will be okay, he just doesn’t take surprises well.”
“I never noticed honey.” Emmett said with a smile. “Brian is behaving rather well. So far he hasn’t pulled out his gun.”
~~~***~~~***~~~***
26 November 2013
Justin,
My dear, sweet, loving husband. How I just want to strangle you. Not only do you go against what I told you NOT to do, you break your ankle. So that means no fun for Justin… that means that I have to put up with all the shit from our ‘family’ because of this. Do you have ANY idea how much Deb wants to kill me right now for not taking care of you? She fucking wants to drag you back to the states, and force you to get a damn separation. She’s on a warpath, and I’m the one in her sights. Thank-you so much, Justin.
So I just got them all back here to the villa, since heaven for fucking bid I try to take them to their hotel. Ohhh not when Justin is hurt. No that would be the end of the world. Of course they all want to stay here because it’s a proven fact that I can’t take care of you, so someone has to do it, and it might as well be them. I am seriously thinking of just going to the hotel and staying there… better yet, I’ll go and stay in the BOQ this weekend.
When do they leave?
Here’s the deal, Justin. When I tell you that you shouldn’t do something, do you think that I’m doing that for my own good? Do you think that I’m just blowing smoke up your ass? I’m not. There is a reason why I do and say these sort of things. What would have happened if I was not around… or if which in this case, someone hadn’t come along to help you? What would have happened then?
But do you listen to me? No, of course not. Christ Justin, do you really think that I’m telling you this to limit what you can do?
Now, back to what happened today… day one of the Thanksgiving from hell. And I thought that Holidays at the Kinney residence was bad, I am already beginning to think that this will be a thousand times worse.
The moment I parked outside the small terminal, I could see the smile on Chief South’s face, and all I wanted to do was slap the shit out of him. He only did it for you, he likes you. Hell everyone likes you. I’m the evil piece of shit, and you’re the angel. You know damn well that no one in the unit will even look cross-eyed at you because of the damn fudge.
Emmett came up to me, and immediately looked for you. Of course he asked, and I had to tell him that you were at the house with a broken ankle. That’s when Deb started in. What did I do to you? What type of person would let his husband, the man that I’m supposed to love, go out in such dangerous conditions? If you had told Deb that I was the reason for world hunger and AIDS, she would have believed you.
So for the whole 30 minutes to the villa all I fucking heard what how horrible I was, how evil I was. I can’t tell you how many times today she had slapped me upside the head.
You think I’m kidding? I’m not. It was the longest 30 minutes of my life. You’re so lucky I love you, pretty blond boy. I’m not kidding. And I’m not exaggerating either. I have never lied to you, never been one for exaggeration. What I wouldn’t do to hear what the others think of today.
And there you are, laying in bed acting all hurt. When all you’re doing is soaking up the attention. You want them to hate me, or at least get me off of my game. See I know where you’re coming from on this. You had the Admiral call me cause you knew I’d be angry. You had Chief around because you knew he could calm me down (some). Now you’re using our ‘friends’ to get out of trouble. If they turn their attention on me, then I won’t remember that I’m mad at you. That you will be punished for not listening to me, and for putting me through this.
See I do know you at least in part. You are trying to get everyone worried about you, and siding them against me. I hope you know what you’re doing. I hope you can fix this mess, no you had BETTER fix this mess the moment you are better.
You had scared the shit out of me, Justin. You did. When the Admiral had called, I knew something was wrong. I thought you were fucking dying or dead already and I had failed you. I thought I had let you down.
So what does the drama princess in you do? You are playing this up. Don’t think that I don’t realize it. You know damn well that I hate seeing you in pain, and you’re making it worse than it really is. So while you’re getting me to do your beck and call, you have everyone else ready to kill me.
Thanks a hell of a lot.
My Avalon, my death. If I survive this week, then there will be hell to pay, my lovely Pretty Blond Boy.
Brian
~~~***~~~***~~~***
27 November 2013
Justin,
Let me change one thing in what I wrote yesterday. It’s not if I survive, it’s if I let YOU survive. You little shit. How in the world did you convince Emmett that I just HAD to have that painting, and that was why you were out there? How in the world did you convince them all that you ‘didn’t really think that it would be dangerous, or slippery cause we had been out there many times’.
If they didn’t think that it was my fault before, it’s starting to look that way now. Thanks. And here I thought you loved me. Christ!
If I get one more look of death from Deb, I swear that I am taking it out of your hide! I think the only ones who are for me are Marilyn and Ben! Vic is just laughing his ass off. Thanks hun. I love you too.
So as Vic is laughing his ass off, I’m sitting here trying to keep sane. Thank God, I had a break today. I can tell you that I honestly couldn’t get to the base fast enough, and thankfully there was a huge mess to clean up before the 4 day weekend so that I had to stay late! I love the Navy at times!
And what do I come back too? A house once again full of people, and of course they are all waiting on you hand and foot. You are soaking it up, using them as protection from me. Do you even realize that all this is doing is making your punishment harsher?
Ohhh when I get my hands on you boy… You will get better one day, Justin. And let me tell you, when you do, you’re mine. They won’t always be here, they won’t always be there to hide behind. You’re ass will be mine, and I’ll make it so red you won’t sit down for a MONTH!
I love you, Justin. Don’t ever doubt that. But the damn emotional
rollercoaster you have me on these past couple of days is going to be the
death of me. It really is.
So I’ll play this little game… I’ll be the good Husband, but let me tell you
this.
Because of this… you can forget Italy for Christmas. So there!
Love you, my Avalon
Brian
~~~***~~~***~~~***
28 November 2013
Thanksgiving day… as I am hereby dubbing the ‘DAY FROM HELL’ Freddy Kruger has nothing on this damn day here at this house. They haven’t left, Justin. The rooms we are paying for aren’t even being used! That’s it… I’m gone. I’m out of here just as soon as dinner is over with. You can get all the sympathy you want, but I would rather be in the middle of the enemy lines getting tortured with gas, whatever than deal with this.
Well I survived dinner. Okay, now in case you have forgotten let me paint a picture for you on how today was. Let me tell you that I wasn’t joking about the day from hell.
First off, there you were sitting on the couch with your leg propped up. That’s fine, I agree with that. But did you have to have Emmett practically hold your damn drink. I mean it’s your ankle not your arm! Of course that was in between helping Deb and Vic in the kitchen cause heaven forbid, you even try to stand up!
Thank God for Vic though. He has been a lifesaver for me. I don’t know if I could ever repay him for everything he has given me today. I think for the first time in my life, I have felt like I’ve had a father. Well that’s not entirely true, since Admiral Smith is like a father to me as well, but Vic is different, he’s not my superior officer. He’s not my commander. He’s my friend.
And you better be thanking him too, Justin. Cause he just may help save your sorry ass. ‘My ankle hurts, can you please…’
Christ! You know how to play people like a little fiddle don’t you.
I love you from now until the end, Justin. But do we have to make the end so soon? I thought you would want me around… not swimming in the ocean with the sharks. Thanks a lot. Leave me to the wolves as you go upstairs to ‘rest’ before dinner.
Brat.
Avalon… HA! I know it’s supposed to be a burial place as well, but why now?
Love you always, even though you drive me up the wall.
Brian.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
Brian walked down the hall secretly placing bags back into the van outside. He had hoped that they would get over their little notion to stay here with them and go to the nice hotel just inside the town. One could dream couldn’t they?
He could only shake his head at his husband’s antics. Justin knew how to play everyone. He knew what he was doing and it was working. Brian hadn’t had a moment alone with Justin since the gang had walked through the door. “If they don’t go, then Justin’s on his own… I’m fucking out of here.” Brian stated as he threw yet another bag back into the van.
“Somehow, I don’t think that will stop Debbie.” A voice came from behind Brian. “I don’t think we’ve been officially introduced, I’m Ben. Ben Bruckner. I’m Michael’s…. well.”
“So you’re the one that Justin’s been telling me about from the letters. Welcome to the wacky fucked up family. Hell, if you can get in more than me… more power to you. Just tell me your secret to winning Deb over, okay. I’ve been trying for months.” Brian stated as he sat down on the ledge of the van door.
Ben sat down next to Brian and looked out at the night sky. “Yeah, well. If I ever get into it, you’ll be the first to know.”
“So I take it Debbie isn’t too pleased with you dating Michael huh?” Brian said shaking his head. “That woman has some rose colored glasses on, that’s for sure… either that or her wig is too damn tight.”
“She’s only looking out for her son. I can understand that, and respect that even. I just hope that one day she realizes that I would never hurt Michael. I would never put him through what I’m going through. I can see where she’s coming from… no mother wants their child to date someone who’s positive.”
“No mother wants their child to be hurt at all. Well except mine, but I like to think I was an exception. I can see it, but it doesn’t mean that it’s right.” Brian told Ben. “If you care about Michael, and if you watch out for him, make sure he’s loved and cared for… who is she to say that it’s wrong? Michael’s happy right?”
Ben shrugged a little. “I like to think he is.”
“Then Deb has no fucking say in anything. She should be thrilled that Michael found someone like you. Positive or not. Of course, mothers have to protect their own. They will forever believe that no one is good enough for their child, cause no one can love their child like they do. It’s a fact of life.” Brian went on to explain. “I may not have had a mother who gave a shit about me, and frankly I think she would want to never see me again, but I have seen my friend’s mothers. It’s all the same. If the person the child is with is not good enough, they will always be on the outside looking in. Deb sees Justin as her child, so of course I’m forever out here… looking in. It’s within my reach, but just slips right through my fingers.”
“I know what you mean. I guess us outsiders need to stick together huh?”
“I guess so.” Brian stated as he took a deep breath. “But let’s hope that one day, Deb will see what you mean to Michael. Let’s hope that she will see that you will never hurt him, that you will care for him the same… if not more than she would.”
Ben gave Brian a small smile. “Let’s hope she sees the same about you. Since Justin’s own mother isn’t around to give you approval, let’s hope that Deb will. It can be like Justin’s own mom saying yes.”
“I’m not holding my breath.” Brian said shaking his head. “Now, how pissed do you think Deb will be if I just shove everyone into the van and take you guys to the hotel?”
“Don’t see that happening.”
“Thought not.”
“Just give her this… it will look good to her if you show that you’re okay with this… if you do what’s right for Justin. Even if it’s just in her eyes.” Ben said speaking from experience. He had learned a lot from his short time being with Michael.
“Good, plan. I think I’ll just pack a bag for me and leave. I’m in hell.”
“I’ll be right behind you. How many rooms did you get?’ Ben asked with a smile as the two men walked back into the villa.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
Thanksgiving Day 2013 – Vic
I must say that our little princess is pulling no punches these past couple of days. He has us all bowing to him, doing his bidding. I don’t think sis or the others realize that he’s just using us. Oh that’s not to say that he doesn’t want us here, or that he’s happy to have us. I know he is. It’s just that as I look across the room and see Brian sitting at his desk scribbling away in that book, Justin is using us as protection against his husband.
He knows us so well.
“Em, why don’t you leave Justin alone to relax and come in here and help us out.” Vic stated wanting to get Emmett out of the line of fire so to speak. If Em was caught in the death glares that Brian is sending their way, he would burst into flames. I must admit, if I was Brian I would be upset too. I know the kid, I know he is upset on many levels. He just hasn’t had time to get everything right in his mind.
Luckily Deb is leaving Brian alone for once. She has been on him like there’s no tomorrow. I love my sis, but she’s making him feel even worse… and honestly, making things worse for Justin. I wonder if Princess even realizes it? Anyway, sis is busy, putting the finishing touches on the bird as I see the coast is clear. As Brian heads out to sit by the pool, I make my way out there with him. “He only wants attention, you know. This will all blow over once we leave.” I tell Brian.
“Yeah, and once you leave his ass is mine.” Brian tells me as he looks out over the Spanish landscape, lighting his cigarette. I can see that this is getting to him. In the times I have seen Brian, he tried to make sure he didn’t smoke around Justin. It was his one rule to himself. “I don’t know, Vic. I don’t know how to deal with this shit. I try to keep him safe, try to get him to understand but he just purposely goes against everything I tell him not to do. Now look where we are.”
I can see the pain in his eyes, and know that this was tearing him apart inside. No matter what anyone thinks, what anyone else believes, Brian would never want any harm to come to Justin. He would give his life for that boy upstairs. I wish I could make Deb and the others see that, but Brian’s good at hiding what he’s feeling. I have seen the looks in his eyes, the hidden pain of a past he can’t talk about. I know he suffers. Then I can also see the light that Justin brings into his life. Without Justin, I don’t know where Brian would be. “You know he only does that to get attention. I guess he hit his rebellious age a little too late.” I tell him. I think that there is truth in that. I have heard stories about Justin’s childhood. I can guess he never had much of a chance to rebel against parents who weren’t even there.
“But does he have to rebel against me?” Brian asked shaking his head. I watch as he pulls out a blunt and lights it. Yet another thing I know he doesn’t do often. “When I got the call… I couldn’t fucking breathe. I thought I had lost him. I actually had my hand on my gun ready to end it. Then there he was sitting in that hospital bed. I lost it, just fucking lost it.”
“No one can blame you for that, Brian. No one.” I tell him as I lay my hand on his shoulder. “I know how much Justin means to you. I can’t even begin to imagine what those few minutes must have felt like.”
“I kept seeing it all, you know. Everything that he had done, against my better judgment, and I lost it. I wanted to hit him,” Brian told me and the look in his eyes tore at my soul. He was in so much pain, sooo much pain at just the thought of hitting Justin. “I’m not Jack Kinney. I can’t be him. I don’t ever want to be him, but I could see it, you know. I had a moment of clarity, a moment when I was him I guess. I wanted to reach out and just hit him so hard.”
“You are not him, Brian. You would never touch Justin, hurt Justin like that.” I tell him, and I mean it.
“But I wanted to… that’s almost worse.” Brian leaned back against the wall, it was like he needed it to stay straight, to keep from falling. “Actually what’s worse is if I don’t return from a mission. I know how much these kill him inside. I know that every time he wants to make me not go, but he doesn’t. I know that if I don’t make it back, if something happens to me it will destroy him.”
“I don’t think so. I think he will live… for the both of you. Because he loves you.” I tell him.
“If he knew what I did on those missions, would he think the same of me as he does now?” Brian threw his butt down on the ground and turned toward me. “I write these journals… I don’t know why but I guess it’s my way of getting it all out. I started them for him to read, but now I’m not sure if I want him to. I don’t know if I can stand to see the hatred in his eyes.”
I watch as Brian shakes his head and heads back into the villa before I can even reply. I wish that there was something I could say to him to make him understand that Justin loves him, but that’s something I know they will have to work out for themselves. I hope I’m around to see the day that they realize it.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
November 31, 2013
“Okay, here is the damn deal, and since none of you have listened to me this entire week you will finally do so. If not, then I will be more than happy to use this tranquilizer gun, shoot you, and make you follow through, is that understood?” Brian told us as he stood there like he was just some fucking king on his damn high horse. I don’t know what his damn deal has been this week, but Sunshine has been hurt, and it doesn’t seem like he cares.
“Now you just wait a damn minute here, Mister. If you think that I’m going to trust you to take care of Justin you’ve got another thing coming.” I can’t believe that he thinks he can order us around like we’re some peon in his unit. Well if he thinks he can boss me around he’s in for one hell of a talking to.
I can feel Vic’s hand on my arm, and I know that he’s going to try to defend this jerk. I’m not blind; I’ve seen them talking these past couple of days. I think Vic’s one of the only ones who has… well him and Ben. Ben I can understand since he’s new and all, he doesn’t know Brian. But I expected more from Vic. “Sis, calm down and hear him out.”
“He’s my husband and I can take care of him perfectly well, thank-you very much!”
“Like hell you can. Just look at him.” Yeah, he can take care of Justin. The poor boy is laid up, hurting. Where was his husband then? I mean Michael could have been seriously hurt; I can only imagine what could have happened to poor Sunshine. “How do your men come back alive if you can’t even take care of your husband?”
“Debbie,” Emmett gasps. He seems shocked that I would say something like that, and in reality I guess I am too. I mean, I like the kid. I do. I just don’t think he’s good enough for Sunshine. I think the kid deserves better than having his husband leave every couple of days. I see the pain that Justin goes through every single time, and it just tears me up.
I watch as Brian’s eyes cloud over, but it’s gone in an instant. I never have talked to Brian all that much, he’s always seemed really distant to me, but in that moment I could see that there are some serious issues there. “My men come back alive because of who they are, and what we give each other. They, unlike my husband listen to me. They listen to me when I tell them that they shouldn’t do something because it might get them hurt or killed. I will NOT have you tell me how I should treat MY husband and MY relationship. If you don’t butt the fuck out, I will make sure that you are out of our home faster than you can spit.”
And for some reason I believe him. So I shut up… for once. But I can tell you this isn’t over. If I see that he’s treating Justin badly I will confront him on it. I will, I owe it to Justin for everything he’s done for me and Michael… and Vic. I don’t know Brian Kinney from shit… not as well as I know Justin anyway. I need to stand by my boys and until Brian proves himself to me, he’s on my hit list.
“Now, here’s the way it will be. You will ALL get on that plane tomorrow. No arguments, no complaints. You will go back to Virginia and leave me and Justin the fuck alone until we come back. The ONLY one who will be allowed to stay is Emmett so that someone can keep an eye on my wayward Blond if and when I’m not around. Do I make myself clear?”
”Yes, sir.” I hear Emmett state, and I wonder what is going on with those two. That’s something I will have to keep my eye on.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
“Brian, come to bed.” Justin’s voice was soft and filled with worry. Brian turned at the sound of his husband’s voice. He’d been sitting by the pool staring into the water. Tomorrow they were all leaving. Debbie and Vic were off for a week in Italy, Michael and Ben and Marilyn were heading to Virginia and Emmett had agreed to stay and lend a hand with Justin.
“What are you doing out here pretty boy?” Brian picked him up ignoring the clatter of Justin’s crutches as they fell to the tiled patio.
“I was looking for my Navy Boy. I miss him.” Justin snuggled in tight to Brian; he pulled the other man’s head down for a kiss.”
“Sorry about the cigarette” Brian mumbled before succumbing to Justin’s tender mouth.
“You taste good.” Justin purred. “I love you Brian. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you about the rocks. I really didn’t think about it when I saw the seals down near the shore. I was going to do a quick sketch that’s all. It was only when I caught my ankle that your words came rushing into my brain.”
“You know I only try to keep you safe don’t you Justin?” Brian nuzzled Justin’s hair, soaking up the smell of his man mixed with shampoo.
“I wish I could keep you safe.” Justin said quietly. “I know how you feel about me. I feel the same way about you.”
“I know.” Brian smoothed back Justin’s hair from his forehead.
“Come to bed please.” Justin asked.
“I’ll be in in a minute. Keep my side warm.” Brian kissed Justin’s forehead and then tenderly kissed his lips. “Give me one more minute.”
“Only one.” Justin stood up. Brian handed him the crutches and watched Justin make his way inside.
As Justin tried to work his way past where Mysterious Marilyn was sleeping, he heard her say. “Soon you will find what you’ve always been missing. It was torn from you many years ago, but will return tenfold.”
“Nite Marilyn” Justin said quietly. He was used to his friend’s cryptic messages. Sometimes they took days for him to decipher them. Usually well after what ever the message was about was long gone.
~~~***~~~***~~~***
The week after Thanksgiving 2013
“Please Emmett, it’s okay, Brian won’t get mad. I just want to see if I can find something for him for Christmas. Something small for his stocking.”
“How sweet, you two have stockings at Christmas. I remember I had one every year when I was growing up in Hazelhurst. We didn’t have much else other than that at Christmas, it was always so special.” He looked at Justin. “Brian did say that you weren’t to go anywhere. He has just barely started talking to me.” Emmett all but stuttered. There was no way he wanted to incur Brian’s wrath a second time. His little jealous tiff during Thanksgiving was enough thank you very much.
“We’ll just drive to the next village. I’ve never been there. I’m sure there’s a coffee shop or something and there might even be some quaint little shops. Did you know that there is a legend that maybe one of the Kings of Atlantis was here at one time?”
“No I didn’t know that.” Emmett was intrigued. “Well maybe if we didn’t stay out all day and if we just sat in an outdoor café. It’s not like you were walking or anything. You can handle the crutches fine for short distances.” Emmett was trying to rationalize the outing.
“And I could add to my collection of Spanish sketches” Justin said. “Thanks Emmett, why don’t we go there for lunch and maybe stay for an hour or so and then come home. What can it hurt?”
'Me if Brian finds out’ Emmett thought. ‘he’ll have my ass back in Virginia before I can even say hey.’
Emmett called for a taxi while Justin washed his face and gathered up his sketch book and pencils.
The whole taxi ride to the village Emmett kept glancing back and out the rear window as if expecting Brian to swoop down out of the sky and grab them. He finally relaxed when the driver pulled up to the wide open café. Justin had been chattering away the whole time with the driver practicing his Spanish. The two of them had spent a lot of time laughing so Emmett wasn’t surprised to learn the driver would pick them back up in two hours to take them home.
“Emmett, let’s check out that shop across the square before lunch.” Justin indicated a cheerfully painted building. “It looks like an art gallery.”
“Oh, honey, you don’t need to look at pictures. You make marvelous ones of your own.” Emmett didn’t want Justin to do anything more than sit at a table and wait for the taxi to return them to the safety of the villa. But before he could stop him, Justin was across the village square heading in the direction of the shop window.
Justin stood looking in at the one painting that was on display. It was a rather large watercolor of a small child, a baby even, maybe six months old sitting naked on the sea shore, the froth of the waves licking his toes, sunlight glinting off of his almost white fluff that was his hair. The baby, it had to be a boy, Justin thought was smiling a wide and toothy grin at someone up over his bare shoulder. In his little hand was a seashell. His eyes were as blue as the Mediterranean water he was playing in.
“Do you like the picture?” A soft voice asked.
Justin turned to smile at the woman who had spoken. “It’s beautiful. You’ve captured the very essence of the child.” He looked at her in alarm. “I’m sorry, is something wrong?” he asked.
Her pale face looked at him as if she’d seen a ghost. She started to back away slipping through the doors of her shop and shutting them tight behind her.
Emmett had caught up with Justin by now. “What was that all about?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Justin looked through the glass hoping he would catch a glimpse of the woman. He walked to the door and tried it. It was locked. “It’s funny, didn’t she look kind of familiar to you?” he asked his friend.
“She did, but I didn’t really get a good look at her.” Emmett rattled the door handle. “I think the store is closed.”
Justin and Emmett made their way back to the café, both of them silent for differing reasons. They ordered their lunch and Emmett sat back to people watch. It was one of his favorite things to do. Justin on the other hand couldn’t take his eyes off of the small store on the other side of the square. He had the nagging thought that somehow he knew the woman who had spoken to him, though for the life of him he couldn’t figure out how he knew.
When the waiter came with their lunches Justin asked. “The lady who owns the shop across the street, the one with the painting, can you tell me about her?”
“You mean Miss Taylor?” he asked. “She’s lived here longer than I have and I’m twenty five. I think my mom said she moved here about twenty eight or twenty nine years ago.” He looked across at the store. “She kind of keeps to herself, mom said that her brother came here once looking for her, but she wouldn’t talk to him. She had my Uncle who is the village policeman throw him out of the village.” He looked thoughtful. “That had to have been about twelve years ago.”
“She isn’t married?” Justin asked.
“No, she never married. She’s pretty good looking too. I mean for her age and everything. She’s an artist. She paints the same picture that’s in the window a lot. Tourists love it and buy it all the time. I think my mom even has a small one.” He laughed, “Don’t get me wrong, Miss Taylor isn’t weird or anything. She paints lots of other stuff; it’s just that this one is her favorite. She told me once that if she paints him often enough, maybe the baby will magically appear. He was her kid. Someone took him from her, she hardly ever talks about him, but she paints him a lot.”
When the waiter left Emmett leaned over, “Isn’t it strange that her name is Taylor too and you are both artists? If I didn’t know better I’d swear Mysterious Marilyn was lurking around here.”
~~~***~~~***~~~***
“Brian,” Justin was lying in Brian’s arms. Despite the heavy cast, Brian had made love to him for hours and now they were both content to fall asleep. Or at least Brian was content.
“Hmmm”
“I have to tell you something.”
“What”
“I went to the next village today with Emmett for lunch”
“Did you have a nice lunch?”
“It was okay.”
“Good.” Brian smiled and kissed Justin’s forehead. Emmett had already confessed to him about the trip earlier. But Brian was happy that Justin needed to tell him.
“Something weird happened.”
Now Emmett hadn’t told him this part. Brian was suddenly alert. “What?”
“I saw this lady, she has a store, sort of an art gallery and her name is Jennifer Taylor.”
“So she has the same name as you and has an art gallery.” Brian relaxed.
“When you were a kid, did you ever imagine that you really weren’t part of the family you were living with. That maybe you were adopted or something and that somewhere your real parents were looking for you?”
“I did think of things like that once of twice.” Brian rolled so that he could put both arms around Justin. “But Justin, you know who your parents are or were. This woman isn’t some long lost relative. It’s a coincidence that your last name is the same as hers.”
“But it would have explained a lot if my parents weren’t really my parents. I mean they didn’t love me or anything.”
“They left you all of their money.”
“That isn’t love, that’s just a convenient way to make a will. He probably needed it for business purposes.”
“Cynical blond brat.” Brian chuckled. “Let’s slow the wheels down for now and get some sleep.”
“Okay, but will you still love me if I turn out to have a fairy princess for a mother?”
“You are a fairy princess” Brian teased. “And I still love you.”
~~~***~~~***~~~***
09 December 2013
Justin,
Well we finally have peace and quiet, and have for a week. It’s strange thinking that the ‘family’ has been gone for a week already. It was good having them here, but for you only. I don’t think they will ever accept me fully, but at least you have them. I just wish that they would accept me as part of your life, and make things easier on you. Cause, Justin, I know that it’s hard on you when they badmouth me. I know it.
I try, I really do. I try to be the man they think I need to be, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t know how.
For me, it’s almost like I am home. The bitching, the words… fuck I’m almost right back in the Kinney Household. Only this time Jack isn’t around to beat the shit out of me. It’s only the words this time, but I can say it doesn’t hurt any less. Not for me, though. I’m used to it. It’s what it does to you. I can see it, even if they don’t.
I wish I could be that man for you Justin. I wish I could be everything you deserve, everything you want. Is it enough that I wish it? That I do want what’s best for you, even if it wouldn’t be me? Granted I’ll never leave you, I can’t. Until the day you say it’s over, I’m there. As long as you’ll have me, I will stand beside you. I’ll try. I’ll try to show you that I love you, but if that isn’t enough… if you can’t believe that I love you, or can’t give you what you need then I’ll let you go.
For you, I’ll do it. I won’t tell you what will happen if it doesn’t work, but know I will go on in the way I have been. I will do what I have to do to survive.
Let’s hope that day never comes, but if it does… I’ll do what’s right for you. What you want.
I love you Justin, My Avalon
Brian
~~~***~~~***~~~***
End of Chapter Thirteen
