Chapter Six:

When they arrived back in WV, Brian parked his car in the drive and having stored all his gear in the dry and secure garage, Justin slept in the spare room in the house the first night while Brian got in a team of cleaners to go through the studio apartment and bring it up to scratch; giving them directions as to what tasks they were to carry out. Then, late the following afternoon and with Brian, Vic and Gus helping, Justin's belongings were transferred upstairs.

Vic had chuckled at Brian as the man carried up Justin's TV. “You know ... something of the old Brian Kinney seems to have emerged.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Brian, keeping his voice low and not letting Gus hearing him swear: his son was at the age when boys know all the rude words and liked to use them occasionally to see what reaction they provoked.

“The Brian Kinney that sums up a situation and acts on it ... who takes charge ... like when Lindz and Mel's wedding looked like it was falling through ... until you got everyone organized,” Vic pointed out. “Ah ... but if you recall ... I actually preferred not to be there on the day,” reminded Brian, smiling; having won tickets and deciding to go to the White Party instead.

“Then ... why are you so involved this time ... so ... hands on?” Vic asked him and he reached out and tapped the back of Brian's hand; the redness from the punches he'd landed on Burrows having now disappeared, but apparently not gone unnoticed.

Brian stopped at the top of the stairs and gave him a long look and then carried on with what he was doing and without answering him; but he heard the older man continue to chuckle as he walked away.

Something of what Vic said had hit home. Having Justin around seemed to make Brian so much more positive about things than he'd been lately; well, since the accident in fact. Making him needing to play more of an active role in what was going on around him, taking control; rather than let Vic take charge, which Brian had been more than willing to do and Vic had been happy to oblige. But maybe Brian knew he really needed to do so much more for himself: for his self-esteem and satisfaction.

Justin had taken the picture he was doing of Brian and Gus and placed it inside the closet for now, making sure that Brian didn't see it. And with the rest of his belongings in place, he looked around him. The furniture, though a few years old, was in good condition and comfortable. It was more or less open-plan, apart from the bathroom of course, with a kitchenette off the living area and a room-divider separating the bedroom. There was plenty of closet and storage space and Brian offered to have more built in if Justin needed it and after only a couple of days, the place was already beginning to feel like home.

At Brian's insistence, Justin and Vic went out and did a little shopping; just making sure Justin had enough pots, pans, cutlery, crockery and groceries in order to be self-sufficient, together with some new linen; all on Brian's account, though the man drew a line in getting that much involved. Now, if Justin had needed to go clothes shopping, then Brian just might have been tempted.

The invitation was there, of course, for Justin to eat with them at the house whenever he wanted and the young man did indeed start to have some of his meals with them. But generally, he always ate breakfast on his own; the time varying hugely, depending on how the urge to paint took him and the hour at which he got up.

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Around 9:30, Justin would go over to the house to continue the portrait of Gus; it would be finished soon and though always critical of his own work, even Justin had to admit he was pleased with it and hoped Brian would be too. And at least being on the man's property, he didn't feel disappointed that once it was finished, his dealings with Brian would be over. There was so much more about Brian he wanted to know and now, this close, he hoped to really make the man understand how seriously interested he was.

Gus was thrilled to bits that his dad's new friend would be around to keep Brian company after he went back home and would visit Justin and when neither Vic nor Brian could find the boy and he wasn't at the stables, they knew where he would be and, with Justin's encouragement, Gus had shown a little flair himself.

“I hope he's not bothering you,” stated Vic, late on Sunday afternoon.

“No ... of course not ... I love having him around,” stated Justin, genuinely, when he'd bought Gus back to the kitchen to apologize for the amount of mess Gus had on him; but it was an old tee and the boy had obviously enjoyed himself, even if he had ended up wearing more paint than he'd actually got down on the paper and Vic had taken the tee off him and sent the boy up to shower.

“His mom's an artist,” stated Vic; throwing the tee in the laundry basket.

“Is she?” asked Justin and he frowned. “Then ... why didn't she want to do Gus' picture herself?”

“She hasn't painted in a long time,” replied Vic. “Though she does manage a gallery up in Toronto ... that and the time ... she couldn't spend any longer down here ... she and Mel both work and they have a toddler ... Jenny Rebecca ... she's my nephew's daughter.”

“Your nephew?” asked Justin. “Does he live up there too?” Vic shook his head, but then looked around him; almost as if he was checking that no one could overhear him before he spoke.

“Michael? No ... he lives in Pittsburgh ... he's the one who gave Gus all those comic books you've seen him with ... he's got a store ... but he goes up to see them all the time,” Vic said softly and Justin wasn't mistaken, the man had definitely lowered his voice.

Justin scratched behind his ear; more than just a little confused. Vic had certainly seemed cautious before giving him his answer and careful not to be overheard and if Gus and Jenny Rebecca were being raised as brother and sister and Vic's nephew was the little girl's father, then he would have expected to have at least heard Michael's name mentioned in all the time he'd spent at the house. And then he remembered an earlier conversation with Vic; when the man was telling him how long he'd known Brian.

“I've known him since he was 14 ... he was best friends with my sister's kid.”

He WAS best friends with my sister's kid; they were the words Vic had used, so presumably there had been a falling out. But whatever it was, it couldn't have been that much of a rift; for Brian was more than happy to have Michael's uncle around and it was obvious there was a mutual respect and affection between the two men, but then there was something else Justin didn't understand either.

“If Brian wants to see Gus more ... why doesn't he go up to Toronto ... instead of waiting for Gus to come down during school break ... it's only what ... 90 minutes at the outside.”

“He and Mel have never seen eye to eye ... and I've often thought the real reason they moved there was that Melanie wanted to get Lindsay away from Brian ... and the bombing at Babylon was just the excuse she needed,” Vic answered him and of course omitting the reason that, after the accident, none of the family wanted anything to do with him and in any case, Brian would hardly step outside the door.

“So ... they're pretty close ... Brian and Gus' mom?”

Vic chuckled. “You could say that ... they met in college ...” and he left the words hanging; still chuckling to himself as Justin's eyes opened wide.

“Did they sleep together?” Justin asked and then immediately apologized. “I'm sorry ... I shouldn't have asked that ... it's none of my business ... and besides ...” Justin bit his lip and Vic turned to face him and raised that eyebrow.

“Well ... it's just ... Daphne wanted someone she could trust ...” and Justin could feel himself start to redden.

“And she asked you,” Vic nodded in understanding. “Please don't tell her I told you,” pleaded Justin and Vic held up his hand. “Scout's honor ... not that they'd let me in the Scouts,” and they both chuckled.

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It was almost a week since Justin had moved into the rooms above the garage and he'd hardly seen Brian in all that time and he couldn't work out why. But what he didn't know was that now having Justin this close all the time, Brian couldn't trust himself to be around him.

To think that the blond was merely no more than a matter of yards away at any one given time was driving Brian insane; he thought about him constantly and was terrified that it was only a matter of time before he gave himself away and was beginning to think it was a huge mistake offering Justin accommodation; that he should have just found him an apartment back in the city and how the fuck was he going to cope, with him living over the garage.

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Justin knew the portrait was nearly finished and something kept him working at it and he came back to the conservatory in the evening after dinner. Brian told him to come and go as he pleased and had even handed him a key to the back door, so that he could get in during the few times when no one was around; accepting how impractical it was for Justin not to have access to the house so he could work on the portrait. At least that's what he told him.

And now; just after 10:30, Justin stepped back and looked at the completed work. He sighed in relief and then smiled in satisfaction and, not realizing the time, went in search of Brian to tell him Gus' portrait was finished.

Gus had turned in a long time before and Justin found Vic in the kitchen making himself a bedtime drink after he and Rodney had been out to dinner at Debbie and Carl's. And, his sister not having laid eyes on Brian in so long, Vic was hardly surprised that Debbie brought the man into the conversation.

“So ... what was that all about ... the last minute request to look after Gus?” she'd asked him when she'd got Vic on his own and her brother grinned at her. Debbie had been burning to ask Vic what was going on, but it was Rodney who'd collected Gus and picked Vic up from the U-Haul depot when he'd returned the van and then taken them both back to WV.

“Just concerned for Gus ... that's all,” she continued and Vic nodded. “You can't help yourself ... can you?”

“Why don't you just come right out and ask me how he is ... because you still care about him ... and don't deny it,” Vic stabbed his finger at her, cutting her off as she was about to do just that, but Debbie wasn't about to admit that she did still care and she harrumphed. “I bet there was a guy involved.”

“Well ... actually ... yes ... there was ...”

“Knew it,” came Debbie back, triumphantly.

“A young man Brian was helping to get away from a guy who tried to rape him ... if you must know,” stated Vic; knowing it really wasn't his place to reveal Justin's business, but he just hated Debbie being down on Brian for no good reason. For he'd lived under Brian's roof for the past three years and he'd seen the man go through hell and back. And he'd seen too how Brian had finally been able to be a father to Gus and just how much the man was capable of giving; despite what others might think.

“Saint Brian ...”

“When the fuck are you going to let up on him?” Vic demanded, lowering his voice. “Hasn't he paid enough?”

“After what he did to Michael ...”

“Like giving him the very means that allowed him to purchase the comic book store and encourage him to go for it ... because if you remember ... if Brian hadn't given Michael that Captain Astro first edition ... he'd never have been able to raise the money,” stated Vic, alluding to the fact that auctioning the comic on Ebay had brought in the $10,000 necessary for Michael to take over the lease.

“And what about the Brian who made sure Lindz' and Mel's wedding went ahead after all ... or who got Ted off that porn website charge ... or gave up his parental rights to his son so that Gus' two mom's would get back together ... did you ever think about that Brian?” Vic demanded and Debbie didn't have an answer for him.

Vic had then returned to the house in WV, having said goodnight to Rodney as the man went off to do his relief shift at the Liberty House Hospice and, having made dinner for himself and Gus, Brian had disappeared upstairs and was nowhere to be seen and Justin sighed; that wasn't unusual lately.

“Brian's upstairs ... working out,” Vic informed him. “Why don't you go up ... I'm sure he'd want to know you've finished ... I'm dying to see it ... but I promise not to before Brian does first,” and he poured the hot milk out the pan and into his mug. “You want one?” Vic asked him, but Justin shook his head.

“In that case ... if you'll excuse me ... I have a date with Joan Crawford,” Vic informed him, smiling and heading off to bed.

Justin hesitated and thought about putting it off until the morning, but decided he couldn't wait any longer to see Brian's reaction and he made his way upstairs; there had originally been five large en-suite bedrooms in the house, but one of them had been made over to a small gym after the accident, as Brian still wanted to keep fit, but there was no way he’d wanted to go somewhere public.

Making his way down the hall, he could hear the TV on low in Vic's room; there was only one door slightly open and Justin knocked before going in, but Brian didn't hear him: he had his eyes closed, earphones in and was listening to music as he worked out on the treadmill.

Wearing only shorts and gym shoes, Brian was keeping a steady pace and breathing rhythmically. He'd obviously been working out for some time; his body glistened, with sweat trickling down between his shoulder blades. And, as he stood watching him, Justin felt himself harden and briefly closed his eyes; not knowing whether to stay or back off. But in the end he just couldn't leave or tear his eyes away.

Justin continued to watch Brian for several minutes, but suddenly, as if realizing someone was there, Brian opened his eyes and turned his head and, for what seemed like an eternity, they held each other's gaze. Eventually, Brian looked away and reaching for the controls, reduced the speed and gradually, the machine slowed down enough for him to safely step off and he took out the earphones and put the Walkman on the chair and picked up a towel; wiping his face and wondering what the younger man wanted and just how long he'd been standing there.

“Gus' portrait ... it's finished,” said Justin, trying not to look embarrassed; knowing Brian realized he'd probably been watching him for some while and the older man nodded; putting the towel around his neck. “I look forward to seeing it,” Brian stated, genuinely and he smiled; waiting for Justin to continue: he obviously had no intention of leaving.

Justin swallowed; “This is quite a set up you've got here,” and he gestured around the room; as well as the treadmill, there were weights, a Stair-master and a spinning bike.

“Well ... if you ever want to work out ...”

Justin smiled and shook his head in amazement. “What ... what is it?” Brian asked him; frowning.

“You,” Justin informed him.

“You let me use the pool ... offer me somewhere to live ... your gym ... you wouldn't think I was just hired to paint a portrait,” and now it was Brian who closed his eyes and he looked away; not wanting Justin to read them; wondering if the younger man would ever work out he was so much more than hired help and Justin blinked: Brian hadn't been quite quick enough.

“It isn't just me ... is it?” Justin asked him, suddenly feeling so sure he'd read the man right and Brian turned back to face him. After a moment, Justin turned away, but only to close the door and he moved towards the older man who was still standing, motionless, in the middle of the room.

Slowly and holding Brian's gaze, Justin reached out and pulled the towel away from Brian's neck and shoulders and dropped it on the floor. Brian's chest, though not overly muscular, was nicely defined. But it was his still slim waist; his strong legs, arms and shoulders that had caught Justin's attention the most; well, for now, anyhow. And the young man reached out for him.

Brian backed away and Justin momentarily closed his eyes; maybe he'd made a terrible mistake after all. The older man's blood was still pumping in his veins from his workout and Brian was sure his heart was pounding loud enough for the younger man to hear and it wasn't just from the exercise with Justin being this near.

How could he be this close to Justin and not want him and indeed the younger man was more sure than ever that he could read exactly what Brian was thinking and now, up on tiptoes, Justin reached up to kiss him, but Brian stepped back.

Justin ran his fingers through his hair. “I know it's not just me ... you can't stand there and tell me ... after everything you've done for me that you don't care ... that you don't have any feelings.”

But Brian was already walking out the door and making his way to his bedroom; but Justin knew; he just knew how the man felt. This time, those hazel eyes hadn't disguised the man's feelings, however much he tried.

Knowing he was risking everything; his new home and whatever tentative relationship he had with Brian, Justin followed him: closing the bedroom door behind him and Brian turned to face him.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Seeing through your bullshit,” replied Justin; determined the man would acknowledge how it really was between them and then he continued.

“You take me into your home ... practically treat me like family ... smash the fuck outta Burrows ...” and Brian looked at him in surprise.

“Don't think I didn't know what you were going to do ... the marks on your hand told me well enough afterwards.”

“You move me in ... let me spend your fucking money ... making sure I had everything I needed ... and now ... when I ... I'm just feet away from you all the time ... you act like I'm not here ... you're never around ... you don't even come to see how Gus' portrait is progressing ...”

“Will you keep your voice down ... you'll wake Gus,” Brian instructed him, but he knew how right Justin was.

“You want me ... just the way I want you,” Justin stated and he moved closer to him; this time, Brian, taken a little aback by Justin's determination didn't move away; was rooted to the spot and Justin reached out and put his hand behind Brian's head.

“Are you really telling me that you don't want me ... that you've not felt this since the first time we met ... after all ... you thought I was a trick ... you wanted me then,” and he reached up to him.

And they both knew he was right; that it was inevitable.

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The kiss they'd shared previously had been tender and gentle, but this time, Brian grabbed the blond by the back of the neck and pressed his mouth against Justin's; hard and bruising: tilting his head first one way and then the other for maximum impact; all the while undoing Justin's jeans.

Gasping for breath, Justin pulled back and grabbing the hem of his tee, brought it up over his head and threw it on the floor. Brian quickly toed off his sneakers and then pulled down his shorts and stepped out of them and pushed Justin back on the bed so that he could pull off the younger man's shoes and socks, quickly followed by jeans and underclothes and then he climbed up beside him.

Justin surveyed Brian's naked body as the man moved towards him and felt himself harden further; “Fuck me,” Justin commanded; his voice low and rasping and he reached out and grabbed the other man's hair. The desire in those eyes was undeniable; usually bright blue, they were now dark and smoldering and Brian smiled; he was more than happy to oblige. He'd been wanting and anticipating this since the first time they met and couldn't understand why he'd been holding off; why Justin had been so different. But then the more he got to know him, the more terrified Brian had become that Justin would see the real Brian Kinney and run a mile.

But he didn't give a damn about that now; that was for another time. Right now he just needed to be inside the man lying on his bed and though Justin didn't often bottom these days, on this occasion, he desperately wanted Brian to take him; needing to feel him pounding away inside and the blond rolled over onto his stomach and pulled the pillow under his chest: hugging it tightly.

Reaching quickly into the top drawer of the nightstand for condoms and lube; hands slightly shaking, Brian desperately tore open the packet with his teeth and sheathed himself and then applied lube, inserting some inside Justin; a little too roughly he knew, but Justin gasped in pleasure; wanting it that way.

Justin wanted to be fucked; hard; fast and deep and, from behind, Brian had to admit, Justin's bubble butt was glorious and he placed his hands on the younger man's buttocks and spread them. Brian knew he should try and slow down; to savor this, but Justin had other ideas and feeling Brian start to enter him, pushed himself backwards; thrusting himself onto Brian's cock and crying out in undisguised pleasure. And now it was Brian's fingers gripping Justin's hair, the other hand on his thigh as Brian leaned back and thrust his pelvis forward; his movements soon becoming faster and pushing deeper; riding him hard and Justin let out soft gasps of delight.

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and with a huge effort, pulled him upright and then sat the young man down on his haunches: on top of Brian's thighs and impaling him. The older man had entered him as far as was physically possible and, reaching around, Brian took the blond's cock in his hand. With Justin's back lying against his chest, Brian tried to match the strokes; bringing their throbbing, pulsating rhythm into unison and Brian knew he was close to the edge.

Leaning back against Brian, his head on the man's shoulder and taking his weight, Justin's world was a mixture of sensations. He could smell the unmistakable scent of sweat and sex, but he couldn't hear anything other than his own blood pounding in his head and he couldn't see anything; unable to focus his vision: everything in a mist of ecstasy. And all he could feel was Brian's hot body inside him; surrounding him: overtaking him completely.

Of course he'd been fucked before, but never like this; never as deep and as penetrating: as if Brian was reaching somewhere so far inside Justin that he touched his very core.

With the blond head leaning on his shoulder, Brian continued to thrust upwards; Justin moaning with every stroke, though he didn't realize he was doing so and, taking the younger man's cock and feeling its hardness, Brian slid his hand up and down the length several times before stopping; running the palm of his hand hard over the head before coming back to the root; delighting in hearing the sounds of pleasure as Justin came, sending spurts of cum onto the bedclothes.

Justin had reached around and put his hand behind Brian's head, trying to pull him forwards: as if trying to push Brian inside him even further; as if he just couldn't get enough of him: would never get enough. And just when he thought it was impossible to get any better, Brian felt Justin tighten around him and thought he might explode with pleasure as his orgasm coursed through the whole of Brian's body; making him tingle: as if an electric shock had passed through him. And he could feel the younger man's desperation; wanting him; needing him and he hated to admit it, but it felt so damn good.

Feeling the younger man shuddering against him, Brian rode his orgasm until he filled the condom and, finally letting Justin go, the younger man fell forward; experiencing the most pleasurable sensation of Brian's withdrawal, but then Justin moaned at the loss of contact; every nerve ending feeling like he was being stabbed with thousands of minute pins.

Brian collapsed down on the bed beside him; totally spent; trying to recover his breath and clear his head of the mists that were clouding his vision and to try and hear what the younger man was saying.

“I'm glad ... I'm glad we got that ... outta the way,” said Justin, fighting for breath and Brian blinked; trying to understand him as he slowly took off the condom and reached out for the trashcan nearby.

“Wha ... what did ... you say?” Brian asked him between gasps.

Smiling, Justin turned and leaned over him. “I said ... I'm glad we got that outta the way.”

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and then, with momentous effort, turned onto his side and pushed himself into a sitting position: his back now to Justin.

“So ... it was just a fuck ... after all,” Brian stated quietly; almost to himself and he shook his head and wondered why was he so surprised and how could he be so stupid to even think he might hope it would be something more.

It sounded like he was being dismissed after servicing Justin; an object of pleasure required to satisfy some acute physical need and although in the past, Brian had discharged his tricks similarly after he'd done with them, he'd never been on the receiving end before. But he'd thought this time had somehow been different, that he'd obviously misunderstood when he'd looked into the younger man's eyes and seen the longing; he thought he'd seen more than the man just wanting a quick, shallow fuck. But obviously, he’d been mistaken after all.

Suddenly, Justin realized what Brian was thinking and he quickly moved beside him, putting his hand on the man's shoulder.

“That's not what I meant,” Justin tried to reassure him and he reached around and put his hand under Brian's chin and brought him around to face him.

“You wanna know why I'm glad we got that outta the way?” Justin asked him and Brian shrugged; trying to hide the disappointment on his face.

Justin smiled. “So that next time ... we can make love,” he whispered. For although the need to be fucked by Brian had been so strong, what he really wanted from this beautiful man with hazel eyes; eyes that spoke volumes, was something a whole lot more and he moved in and covered Brian's mouth with his own, but he felt Brian hold back and Justin broke contact and looked up at him: he frowned as the older man slightly shook his head.

“I'm not sure ...” and Brian looked away; unable or unwilling to finish his sentence.

Justin didn't need Brian to explain any further; after all, he'd heard Vic say Brian had once been the stud of Liberty Avenue. He'd obviously had every man he'd ever gone after, but he was still on his own. The man fucked; he didn't know how to make love or, at least, he didn't think so.

But Bringing Brian back to face him, Justin's eyes told him everything he needed to know; that Justin might just possibly turn out to be someone he was capable of making love with; that maybe he shouldn't be afraid any longer.

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Brian's powers of recovery still functioned like a man in his twenties, but Justin gave him plenty of time to get his second wind and gently pushing the older man back down onto the bed, he started at Brian's toes and slowly, stroked, caressed and kissed his way up the man's body: Brian first lying on his stomach and then allowing Justin to roll him over; feeling sweet, tender kisses along his spine and Brian felt like he was falling: spiraling out of control.

Closing his eyes, Brian wallowed in Justin's tender strokes; could this really be happening: could he allow this to happen? Could he really let go of all those years of not allowing himself to ever feel; believing he was incapable?

After a childhood of abuse and witnessing years of a cold loveless marriage between his parents, Brian had never thought love was real; that he didn't believe in it and that it was only something straight people told themselves they were in, in order to get laid: a love based on lies that would only lead to heartache.

But Justin's ministrations were so gentle and loving and yet so unfamiliar and it would be hard not to admit he had feelings for him; as the younger man obviously had for him; he could feel it in the blond's caress: for indeed the young man had touched him and not just physically.

Brian looked back over his shoulder as Justin reached the nape of his neck; allowing their mouths to come together and then Brian took over. It felt as if he were doing this for the very first time; the first time in his entire life. For Brian had never made love with a man until Justin came along and how different it now was.

Brian felt the connection; the connection that Justin had already experienced as he allowed the blond to touch him in ways no man ever had and then Brian touched Justin; running his hands up and down the length of his body; really feeling him; kissing him: that soft skin and hair bleached even lighter by the summer sun. And when Justin smiled at him; with those huge blue eyes, Brian knew then he would never be the same again.

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Justin settled back down on the pillows; a little down from the headboard: allowing him to watch Brian, and this time when Brian reached out for condom and lube, once the packet had been opened, Justin reached out to take it and he carefully rolled it onto Brian's cock. Brian gasped and closed his eyes as Justin covered him in lube and he opened his eyes to see the young man smiling; reveling in the pleasure so apparent on Brian's face at his merest touch. It was then Brian's turn, and he covered his fingers in lube.

Justin pulled his knees into his chest, allowing Brian access to his hole and the man, gently this time, administered the cool, slippery substance. Brian leaned forward and Justin wrapped his legs around Brian's back; feeling him enter him only a little at first. But, with every thrust; this time slow and allowing both men to experience the sensations fully: Justin could feel him go deeper and deeper and Brian reached down to kiss him.

Justin tightened his grip with his thighs, willing Brian in further and he put his hands behind Brian's neck; coming up to meet him and prolonging the kiss; never wanting it to stop: never wanting to let Brian go and he ran his hand down Brian's ribs; feeling the man shudder in pleasure under his touch.

Brian took Justin's hand; their fingers entwined and he paused; the two men held each other's gaze and Justin saw the fear that Brian couldn't disguise. Justin smiled and with his free hand, reached out to stroke Brian's face and, for the first time, Brian didn't pull back as fingers gently eased their way through his beard and the younger man saw the fear slowly disappear under his caress.

And now Brian knew he was probably lost forever and leaning forward; continuing to thrust longer and harder now. And between thrusts, he kissed Justin's face and neck; smothering the young man with dozens of light, sweet kisses; kisses that were returned unconditionally.

Justin's own needs were over taking him and, reaching down between them, he took his cock in his hand; matching Brian's thrusts to his own hard tugs. But almost on the edge already, it wasn't long before Justin came; covering Brian's stomach with cum.

And for the first time, Brian heard himself whisper Justin's name and heard his own name on the younger man's lips; feeling the intense intimacy between them; intimacy never felt or even sought after before. But with Justin it seemed so natural and welcome.

Feeling his climax fast approaching, Brian leaned down to kiss Justin again; the younger man sharing his orgasm; a consummation of their feelings for each other; feelings not yet voiced but apparent all the same. And then it happened; the roaring sound that reached a crescendo before crashing around them; engulfing them. Totally anticipated and yet nothing like either of them had ever experienced with any other man. Both men reaching out to each other; discovering things about themselves they never knew. For it wasn't only Justin's body Brian had entered, it was the young man's very being and for Brian, it was awakening a part of him he didn't know existed.

After the bashing, Justin had his rebirth through his art; this was Brian's. Brought alive; for the very first time, by the beautiful blue-eyed blond whose love for him Brian couldn't now deny or ignore. And falling asleep, sated and complete; his face buried in Justin's neck, Brian knew he could never go back to how he was before.

He once may have thought he didn't know how to make love. How wrong he'd been.

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“Tell me about these,” Justin asked him quietly, the sun barely starting to shine in through the windows as he felt the ridges and Brian blinked. Justin's sensitive fingers had found the scars he'd guessed were there and were the reason why Brian hid behind his beard.

When he'd woken, Brian was alone and, for a few moments, wondered if last night had just been a beautiful dream and he closed his eyes in disappointment. And then he heard the bathroom door open and Justin; naked and pale in the watery sunlight, walked over to the bed: smiling at him. Brian's heart leapt and he tried hard not to grin like a loon as the memory of their lovemaking came flooding back: remembering every kiss, touch and lick that the two men shared, but still not fully believing it had actually happened.

Kneeling on the bed beside him, Justin leaned over and kissed Brian; “Good morning.”

“Good morning ... though it's hardly that,” came the reply and Brian realized this was the first time he'd woken up with another man that he wasn't in a hurry to have leave and Justin lay back down beside him and there was a comfortable silence; broken only by Justin's concerned words as he reached for the older man; caressing his face.

“I was in a car accident,” Brian said, eventually and he shrugged, as if trying to dismiss the incident out of hand.

“Must have been pretty bad ... was there any one else involved?” and Justin continued to run his fingers along Brian's jaw line, apparently not repulsed by what he felt there.

Brian closed his eyes; hating the thought of lying to Justin, but perhaps he could just be economical with the truth.

“My friend ... Mikey ... was with me ... we both ended up in the hospital ... but he had mostly bad bruising and a concussion.”

Justin bit his lip; Mikey. This surely had to be Michael; Vic's nephew. So maybe the accident had been the cause of the breakup of their friendship.

“Sounds like you were lucky,” offered Justin, but Brian just rolled his lips into his mouth, intent on not continuing this particular conversation; a hint that Justin picked up without any trouble. So instead, Justin went back to what he did best; after his art, of course.

And then the two men fell asleep again; not wanting to recognize the new day: neither of them really eager to bring this night to a close.

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Vic was up pretty early and put on the coffee before going into the utility room and starting off the laundry and he leaned against the washing machine. There was something he wanted to tell Brian and he wasn't sure how the man would take it.

Going back into the kitchen, he found Gus pouring out two mugs of coffee and he frowned.

“Gus ... careful ... that's hot,” warned Vic, worried the boy might burn himself and he made his way over to the counter in order to watch over him. “And why the two cups ... you know you're too young for coffee,” but the boy shook his head as he carefully placed the mugs on a tray.

“It's not for me ... it's for dad and Justin,” came the answer and Gus picked up the tray, careful not to let the mugs spill.

Vic put his hand lightly on the boy's shoulder. “And where exactly are you going with those?” Vic asked him; almost expecting the answer.

“Dad's room ...”

On getting up, Gus had gone into his dad's bedroom to wake him and there, in his father's bed, he found them. They were sound asleep; Justin lying on his side with his back to Brian and leaning into him and Brian's arm protectively around the younger man: both men totally unaware that Gus had walked in on them; a situation that apparently the boy hadn't found surprising.

“Okay,” stated Vic and he carefully took the tray out of Gus' hands. “Why don't you let me do that while you go down and give Buttons his breakfast ... I bet he's missing you.”

“I guess I could,” came the reply and complying with Vic's request, Gus let himself out of the back door and made his way to the stables. Vic sighed in relief. So, it would seem Justin spent the night with Brian. Not totally unexpected and definitely desirable as far as Vic was concerned. And though Gus had grown up seeing his two mom's together and had never been shielded from seeing two people of the same sex openly showing displays of affection, Vic wasn't sure how Brian would feel if his son just walked in on him with Justin; especially if they were occupied. Besides, this was an opportunity Vic couldn't miss out on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With the sun now fully up, they'd taken it into the bathroom; Justin's caress arousing Brian once more and the younger man teasingly withdrew, saying he was going to take a shower: Brian had followed.

Vic could hear the unmistakable sounds of sex, even over the sound of the water running and he grinned to himself as he placed the tray with the mugs of coffee on the nightstand; a little disappointed that Brian wasn't there to see his knowing look.

“Oh oh ... looks like we've been sprung,” and Justin indicated the mugs, as carrying a towel and with another wrapped around his waist, he stepped back into the bedroom and began to dry his hair.

Brian hesitated in the doorway and groaned; he'd been hoping last night wouldn't be too obvious to anyone else, or at least give him a chance to mention it first. But now it was too late and he knew Vic wouldn't let him hear the end of it; that Justin had finally got to him and that for once, he knew that for Brian it wasn't just about sex. For if it had been, last night would have happened a hell of a lot sooner.

Brian's saw Justin's smiling face as the younger man took a sip of the hot liquid and looking very much at home and Brian felt a tightness in his chest. How had he let this blond beauty get under the wire; after everything he used to tell himself; after everything he swore he believed in. That he never needed anyone; that he never fucked the same guy twice and here he'd made love with Justin all night.

Brian blinked; had he really thought they'd made love and could he be ready for this? Because if he wasn't careful, Justin was bound to think there was now a bond between them; a relationship even. And even if this was indeed the truth, admitting it to the world was a whole different ball game, for Brian wasn't even sure he could admit it to himself: would ever be able to.

Pulling on his jeans, Justin watched as Brian took off his own towel and began to dress. He was so beautiful; why the hell had he been hiding himself away all this time. But then Justin suddenly realized guiltily, that he was glad he had; otherwise someone else might have got there first and denied Justin the chance to get close to this beautiful and mysterious man.

“I can't wait for breakfast ... I'm starving ... I seem to have worked up an appetite,” grinned Justin and he slipped on his shoes: Brian hesitated.

“It's okay ... you don't have to wait for me ... why don't you go ahead ... go down without me,” instructed Brian, dismissively and he sat down on the bed to tie up the laces on his sneakers; giving him the opportunity of not having to look at Justin.

The blond swallowed. Was Brian sending him down on his own because he didn't want Vic or Gus seeing them together; as a couple? Justin sighed; he'd hoped after last night; how close they had become, that Brian would see that was exactly how they should be. Justin was more than willing to give it a go; believing that this could be the man he'd been waiting for all his life, but suddenly, he felt Brian backing off. Had they got this close only to have Brian pull away again? He surely couldn't deny what they'd shared.

But Justin watched Brian as the older man moved around the bedroom and saw the set expression on his face; like a mask that had been put in place; Brian anxious to hide his feelings. And so desperately disappointed, but deciding not to push it any further for now, Justin made his way downstairs: alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vic's grin soon disappeared as he saw first the expression on Justin's face and then the look on Brian's and Justin excused himself; saying he had stuff to do and wouldn't be staying for breakfast.

Vic watched him go out the door and looked back at Brian; unwilling to say anything in front of Gus, who'd come back from the stables and Brian reached for coffee and toast; the latter remaining uneaten on his plate as Brian fought the acid that threatened to rise up from his stomach.

“Dad ... I need some new sneakers ... can we go shopping?” Gus asked him, but Brian shook his head. “I'm gonna be busy today ... perhaps Vic can take you,” and he picked up his coffee cup and disappeared to the study: Vic watched him go.

“Gus ... when you've finished your breakfast ... go up and brush your teeth ... then I'll take you into town,” Vic informed him; his hand resting on the boy's arm and Gus tried to hide his disappointment. His dad had seemed so much happier just lately, he'd hoped he'd want to take him shopping instead of Vic; they'd never been together before; just the two of them. And, not for the first time, did Gus wonder why he never did the usual stuff other kids do with their dads.

Leaving Gus in the kitchen, Vic followed Brian into the study.

“Don't ask,” Brian instructed before Vic managed to speak and Brian sat down behind the desk and fired up the laptop, but Vic wasn't about to let this go.

“Are you going to tell me nothing happened ... I know Justin spent the night ... and so does your son.”

Brian looked at him and closed his eyes. Shit. He knew how much Gus liked Justin and was maybe even getting used to having him around and Brian sighed. Who was he trying to kid? It wasn't only Gus who enjoyed Justin's company.

"The son I'm taking shopping ... when it should be you,” Vic continued, pointedly and he turned to leave, but before walking out the door, he turned back.

“By the way ... have you taken a look at Gus' portrait ... I believe it's complete.”

Brian's heart lurched and he closed his eyes. The portrait; with what had happened last night, he'd actually forgotten about it, but he waited until he heard Vic and Gus drive away before going into the conservatory.

Brian took a deep breath and slowly walked around in front of the picture and he gasped. It was wonderful; his son's likeness exactly and he closed his eyes. Justin was so talented; so beautiful and, if he wasn't mistaken, had some very genuine feelings for him and what the hell was he going to do. Because talent like this shouldn't be confined to doing portrait work and relatively inconsequential art shows. A gift like Justin's would surely take him away and could he stand that; could Brian stand allowing himself to fall in love with Justin, only to have the young man leave him, as one day he would be bound to do so. For with talent like this, the world was his for the taking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian must have stood staring at the portrait for twenty minutes; staring at it through misty eyes and knew he had to acknowledge just how good it was. He knew that eventually, Justin's talent would be spotted and he'd be given offers to go who knows where and that however much Justin was paid for this commission, it would never be enough, for the portrait's value was incalculable. But craft like this just couldn't be ignored and Brian took a deep breath before making his way to the garage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After leaving the house and going back to his rooms, Justin had lost his appetite for breakfast and had tried to paint, but couldn't settle and didn't know whether he should start packing, even though he'd only just moved in. If Brian was going to continue to push him away, what was the point of ever imagining there could be anything real between them and he didn't think he could live this close to the man and keep his feelings to himself. And then he heard the quiet knock on the door.

“Can I come in?” Brian asked him, when Justin opened the door and then stepped back. “It's your place,” he stated coldly, but Brian shook his head. “It's your home too,” the older man came back at him and Justin frowned and wondered whether that was Brian telling him that despite his reaction this morning, that he indeed wanted him to stay. But there were other words on the tip of Brian's tongue, for he had almost completed his sentence with 'for as long as you want it', but he didn't want to remind even himself that Justin's stay here might be fleeting and Brian made his way into the middle of the room and then turned to face him.

“I just looked at the portrait ... it's beautiful,” said Brian huskily and Justin thought he heard the catch in the man's voice; the one emotion Brian could never deny: the love that shone through when he was discussing anything remotely connected to his son.

“I'm glad you like it,” stated Justin and he managed a smile. “He's a great kid ... but I never really thought he'd sit through all those sessions,” and he chuckled; Brian smiled back. “That's because he likes you.”

“Maybe,” Justin agreed. “But I think it's more likely because he knew it was for you ... he loves you ... really loves you,” and then Justin knew he had to take the chance: it was all or nothing.

“And he's not the only one,” he stated quietly.

Brian closed his eyes. “Justin ... you don't know me ...”

“How can you say that ... after what we did ... how you made love to me?” the blond asked him, but Brian shook his head. “You think what we did was love?”

“I know it was,” stated Justin, emphatically, but Brian wouldn't confirm it. “All we did was fuck each other's brains out,” Brian came back at him, but Justin didn't believe him and didn't really think Brian did either.

“It was love to me ... and I think it was to you too.”

“Justin ... I ...” and Brian ran his hand through his hair and he sighed.

Crossing the floor, Justin walked up to him and was now just inches away. “Are you really going to stand there and deny it?” challenged Justin, quietly. “Can you really look me in the eye and tell me you feel absolutely nothing?” and he looked up at the older man and Brian thought he might drown in those blue eyes, but he couldn't answer him.

“Well ... I don't hear you denying it,” stated Justin. But the truth was Brian couldn't speak; for if he did, if he truly denied he felt nothing, then he would be lying and Justin knew it and Brian looked away.

“Thought so,” said Justin and he reached out and put his hand on the other man's chest. “I don't know why it is you think you can't acknowledge what we both feel ... would it really be so unbelievable ... you and me?” he asked him.

“You're a lot younger than me,” offered Brian lamely and Justin chuckled. “Is that it ... is that your excuse why we can't be together?... You'll have to do better than that,” and he looked up at him and reaching out, stroked Brian's face.

“I wish I knew why you're holding back,” said Justin softy and why it is you're so afraid thought the younger man and he frowned.

“Is it because you're this rich ... successful writer ... and I'm just ...”

“You're not JUST anything,” interrupted Brian and walking away from him. “You're incredibly talented ... and one day the world will get to see just how much.”

“Maybe ... but I'm beginning to think ...”

“Justin ... there's no maybe ... you should have more faith in yourself ... you saw the reaction you got at the art show ... it's only time.”

“And until then?”

“Until then ... you keep on doing what you're doing ... become the best you can be.”

Justin sighed and looked down and Brian moved back towards him and put his hand beneath the blond's chin and brought him up to face him. “Isn't that the best way to get back at everyone who ever bullied you ... hated you because you were gay ... Hobbs ... your father ... and be the best homosexual you can ... because if there's one thing guaranteed to piss off straight folks ... it's a successful fag.”

Justin met Brian's gaze and knew every word he said was true, but there was still something else he wanted an answer to.

“And what about us?” Justin asked him and now Brian sighed and looked away.

“Don't say there is no us ... without giving us a chance ... won't you at least do that ... what have you got to lose?”

Brian blinked; what indeed. Only his sanity, that's what. But looking at the love that just shone out of those blue eyes; that oozed from every pore, Brian could hear that little voice telling him to take that chance: to let Justin in and see what happened. Because who knows.

Because once upon a time, Brian didn't even think he'd love his son; that all had been required was for him to jerk off in a cup and that would be the end of it. But having been born, despite every fear he'd had about turning into his own father, Brian discovered that Gus had become the most precious thing in his life. What if the same could be said about Justin?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I have to make sure Brian really believes I love him ... that I'm not just coming on to him because of who he is ... that I'm taking advantage of him and what he can give me,” stated Justin as he scoured the employment pages in the local newspaper. He'd been thinking over their conversation and even though Brian was right; that he was quite a lot older, that was no reason why they couldn't make it work. But he needed an income; he couldn't just wait around and trust in fate and Justin had gone into town to catch up with Daphne and they were seated in her kitchen; a pot of coffee on the table between them.

“I'm sure he doesn't think that way,” stated his friend as she picked up her cup.

“Perhaps ... but I need to pay my own way Daph ... it isn't that he's letting me stay there rent free ... it's everything else ... power ... light ... even feeding me.”

“No ... until whatever's gonna happen happens ... I need to get a job so that I can be independent ... let Brian see I can stand on my own two feet ... that I don't have to rely on him for everything ... that I'm with him because I want to be ... not because I need him to support me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite Brian's reluctance to admit it was anything other than the sex they shared, Justin was learning. There were things that he did that Brian just couldn't ignore: like sitting on the desk so that he was in Brian's line of vision as he worked; or going around behind him and nuzzling his neck; or joining Brian when he was working out; hot bodies, exercising together: moves guaranteed to get Brian's attention and get him into bed. The sex was fantastic; that would never be an issue. But it was getting Brian to admit that Justin had got inside his head and his heart that was Justin's biggest challenge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having spent a successful day at the zoo, Brian had relented and was now far more agreeable to going out and doing things with Gus and was surprised to find that the more they did, the easier it became. And sometimes, Justin went out with them, but always making sure Brian was happy for him to do so. Justin knew how Brian cherished the time he spent with Gus and didn't want to encroach on that, but it would seem that both Kinney males liked having him around, even if Gus was a little more vocal about stating that fact. But Brian told him in other ways.

And now, with the summer holidays having gathered speed, suddenly, Lindsay was on her way back to collect Gus in good time to start the new school year. And though she'd heard very good reports about the portrait, she never expected to find the young artist installed in the rooms above the garage.

Gus talked a lot about Justin on the trip back to the house from the airport and Lindsay looked over at Brian and smiled. “Well ... I'm looking forward to meeting this young man ...” and she saw how Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and glanced out of the window; unable to look back at her.

And then Lindsay saw the portrait and she gasped. “My God ... I never realized he was this talented,” she stated and she sat down in the nearest chair as she studied it; Brian smiled. Somehow, hearing other people praise Justin's work made him swell up with pride.

“Well ... as an art teacher and gallery manager ... I'm sure Justin will appreciate any input,” offered Brian.

“You should see his other work, Lindsay ... he's incredible ... it's hard to think someone still so young can have such a gift.”

Lindsay turned to face him; never hearing Brian speak about anyone in the tone he'd just used to describe Justin and his work; a tender and gentle tone that surely gave him away. “Well ... you seem pretty taken with him,” she observed and knowing he could never successfully lie to one of his oldest friends, Brian avoided her gaze.

“Brian Kinney ... if I didn't know you better ... I'd say you'd got feelings for this young man,” and when Brian didn't confirm or deny, Lindsay continued. “Well ... he really must be something special ... I'd like to meet him for myself,” and, no time like the present, Lindsay headed for the garage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So ... Justin Taylor ... I've been hearing such good things about you,” and Lindsay entered Justin's rooms at his invitation and looked around; Justin's artwork now covering the walls.

“This is wonderful work ... Justin ... may I call you Justin?” Lindsay asked him over her shoulder as she studied first one piece and then the next.

“Sure ... and thanks ... thanks for the commission ... to do Gus' portrait.”

“No ... thank you ... I'm so glad it was you ... you've done a marvelous job ... it's beautiful.”

“Oh ... Here,” and Lindsay reached into her purse and took out the check. “I'm sorry you had to wait for it.”

“Thanks ... that's okay ... he's a great kid.”

Lindsay nodded. “He likes you too ... couldn't stop talking about you on the way back from the airport,” and Lindsay leaned against the back of the sofa.

“And I think Brian's taken quite a shine to you himself,” Lindsay grinned at him; Justin frowned. “Has he said anything?” he asked her, eagerly. “A little ... but it's more what he didn't say,” replied Lindsay and Justin smiled back; maybe he was starting to get through to him after all.

“You wouldn't mind ... would you ... only I know you're pretty close,” he asked her.

“No ... of course not ... why should I? ... I never thought it would happen ... that's all,” and then her smile disappeared as she studied him. He was a very beautiful young man and obviously passionate about his art. But when he'd asked whether Brian mentioned him, she'd seen how anxious he was to think the man might mention him to an old friend; Justin's sincerity was obvious, but did the young man know what he was letting himself in for? And could he love a man who never thought he wanted to be in love?

“You will be careful ... won't you Justin ... only Brian doesn't love easily ... in fact ...” and Lindsay paused before she continued; deciding to take Justin into her confidence.

“In fact I've never known Brian to be in love.”

“What ... never?” Justin asked her in surprise and Lindsay shook her head. “He didn't exactly have an easy childhood ... it's left him distrustful ... cynical even ... it's going to take a lot of hard work to dispel everything he's ever believed in ... and then after the accident ...” Lindsay stopped; she'd probably said too much already, but Justin was eager to know more.

“What happened? I know Brian's face is scarred ... and that his friend Michael was with him at the time ... and I think they fell out over it.”

Lindsay shook her head. “Yes ... they did and it was a very painful time ... but something that only Brian should really talk about.”

“But isn't they're anything you can tell me ... so that I know exactly what I'm dealing with ... so that I can get through to him?” and Lindsay could hear the pleading in Justin's voice and she could see in his eyes just how much he wanted to help the man he loved.

“Let's just say that everyone blamed Brian for the accident ... and he and Michael haven't spoken since.”

“But an accident is just that ... an accident,” stated Justin, unable to believe how a close friendship could be ruined by such an event but Lindsay put up her hand to stop him.

“That's all I'm prepared to say, Justin ... if you want any more you're going to have to ask Brian,” and then she smiled at him. “But I have this feeling that if anyone's ever going to reach him ... then it'll be you.”

Justin smiled and scratched behind his ear; if only Lindsay was staying longer, he might be able to learn more from her: she could be a good ally in his quest.

“How long are you here?” asked Justin; wondering if he would get a further chance to talk to her.

“We go back tomorrow afternoon ... it's going to be hard for Brian ... this time more than ever I really think he's going to miss Gus.”

“I'll do what I can,” Justin promised her and she smiled. “Yes ... I'm sure you will.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What is it with those two?” whispered Lindsay, as she poured herself a cold drink from the jug and she sat down at the patio table; Vic joined her: knowing exactly what she was referring to.

“They're in love,” stated Vic, glancing first at Brian and then over at Justin. Brian was horsing around in the pool with Gus and Justin was sitting on a lounger by the side of the pool, sketchbook and pencil in hand.

“Only Brian won't admit it,” and Vic shook his head as he poured out a drink for himself.

“Is Justin serious about him ... only with everything that Brian's been through ... I'd hate to think he might actually have feelings for him only to find out Justin's been pulling his chain all along ... just to get free board and lodgings.”

Vic shook his head. “Oh Justin's serious all right ... you only have to see how he is when Brian's around ... it's like there's nothing else in the world that matters.”

“And Brian?” asked Lindsay, as she took a sip from her glass and Vic sighed. “Brian tries to act like there's nothing going on ... but with his history ... I can't really say I blame him for being reluctant to open up ... he just needs to trust a bit more ... himself as well as Justin,” and Vic smiled.

“Gus really likes Justin too ... and that's a good sign ... I guess we just better hope that Justin sticks around ... isn't put off by Brian's refusal to admit how he really feels.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He's a really nice young man,” observed Lindsay, as she watched Justin assist Gus as the boy helped himself to lunch from the table. Gus and Brian had got out of the pool and Gus had showered first and Brian had dried him off and was now toweling himself down.

It was Gus' last day with his dad and they'd spent the early part of the morning kicking the soccer ball around the garden before going in for a swim; Justin joining them by the pool. And Lindsay hadn't been able to ignore the way the young blond watched Brian; could hardly take his eyes off him or how Brian had to give in occasionally and meet Justin's gaze and they would both smile before looking away.

“I guess,” agreed Brian and he tried to ignore the look Lindsay was giving him as she smiled. “And cute too,” she continued. “And it's very generous of you to let him live over the garage,” and Lindsay reached out to put her hand on Brian's arm.

“It's obvious how he feels about you ... and a blind man could see how much you think of him,” and she sighed.

“When are you going to allow yourself to feel anything?” she asked him. “If I'm not mistaken ... Justin loves you ... really loves you ... and you pretend as if nothing's going on ... like you don't feel anything or are too embarrassed to admit you have feelings for him.”

“Are you done?” Brian asked her and he tried to pull away, but Lindsay wasn't letting him.

“No ... I'm not,” she informed him and she pulled him around to face her; still keeping her voice low and hopefully using Brian as a shield so that no one else could see or hear what she was saying.

“God ... I never thought I'd be having this conversation with you ... telling you to reconsider every rule you've ever lived by ... but what the fuck gives you the right to be different from everyone else ... that deep down you don't need the same thing as the rest of us ... and that you're just as terrified as everyone else when it comes to it.”

“Because what have you got to lose, Brian ... other than being on your own?” she asked him.

“I have Vic,” Brian reminded her and Lindsay narrowed her eyes. “You know what I mean ... someone to share your life with ... someone to love and who loves you,” and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and looked at the ground: Lindsay had never been afraid to tell him how it was.

“And don't go giving me any of your bullshit about not believing in love or understanding why people need each other ... need to be part of a couple ... because sometimes it's nice not to just have yourself to rely on ... to know that someone will always be there for you ... no matter how tough things get ... or to have someone to share the good times,” and she took another breath before continuing.

“All being on your own means is that you're not taking any chances ... you're taking the easy way out ... sure relationships need working at ... Christ ... look at Mel and me ... it's been hard ... it sometimes still is ... but we're together because we work at it ... because we wanna be ... and it is fucking scary.”

“But I never took you to be a coward, Brian ... so go for it.”

“If you love each other ... and I believe you do ... even if you are too damn stubborn to admit it ... for Chrissakes take that chance ... you may never get another.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gus was down at the stables with Justin and saying goodbye to Buttons when Brian handed Lindsay a package.

“It's Gus' birthday in a few weeks ... give him this for me.”

“Did you actually go out for it?” asked Lindsay, hoping that Brian had overcome all his fears about being out in crowds, but he shook his head. “I bought it over the internet,” and Lindsay smiled at him: maybe it was expecting too much too soon and she took the package from him. “What is it?”

“One of those video Ipods ... I believe it's a must have.”

“Brian ... you're spoiling him ... but don't you want to give it to him yourself?”

Brian shook his head. “No ... it's okay ... I want him to open that on the day and know that I'm thinking about him,” and Lindsay smiled and reached up to kiss him on the cheek.

“If there's one thing I've never regretted, Brian Kinney ... it's asking you to be the father of my child.”

“Even after everything?” asked Brian; both of them knowing he was referring to the accident.

“Even after everything,” Lindsay confirmed and Brian chuckled. “Still ... I don't think Mel would agree with you.”

“Maybe not ... but she doesn't know you like I do ... and I know it was hard ... you never expected ... or even wanted to be a real dad ... and I know we didn't exactly make it easy for you at times ... but you know what ... you're doing an okay job,” and she smiled at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well ... this is as far as I go,” stated Brian, as they reached the check-in desk and he handed in Gus' case and Lindsay's weekender which, after formalities, disappeared from view.

“When will I see him next?” asked Brian; Gus out of earshot watching the airplanes from the window.

“You know you can come up any time you like,” stated Lindsay, but Brian looked away: Lindsay sighed.

“Maybe Christmas ... I'm not sure ... we like to spend some time with him during the school breaks too you know,” and Brian nodded; yes, of course they did. But they had Gus the rest of the time: he just had him a few short weeks of the year.

Brian and Lindsay looked at each other as the final call went out over the loudspeaker; they'd waited until the last possible moment in order to spend as long as possible before they left, but now Gus came trotting over to his dad, who bent down and pulled the boy into his arms.

“You be ... you be good for your moms,” Brian whispered; trying to hold back the tears: the last thing he wanted to do was fall apart in front of his son and in public view.

“I will,” Gus promised him and they hugged again.

“Love you, dad,” stated Gus as he took his mom's hand and Lindsay was having problems not falling apart herself as she saw how much Brian was struggling to keep his composure.

“Love you too, son,” stated Brian and he managed a smile and ruffled the boy's hair before Lindsay squeezed Gus' hand.

“Come on Gus ... time to go,” and with one final hug and kiss, Lindsay moved away: Gus waved at him from the gate.

Brian just about made it to the parking lot before falling apart; thankful for the tinted windows of the BMW.

And, coming back to the house from the airport, Brian headed straight passed them without a word to either Vic or Justin; who both looked at each other: recognizing just how much Brian was hurting at seeing his son go off back to Toronto and not really knowing for sure when he'd see him next.

But they knew where to find Brian now; he was in the study; the room he spent most time in and where Gus' picture had been hung on the wall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian buried himself so deep into his work that if it wasn't for Vic, he probably wouldn't remember to eat and often worked into the early hours. And, as before, everything Justin was feeling came through in his art: Love, despair, hope, fear. They were all there: everything he was going through as he tried desperately to get through to Brian just how much he loved him and would always be there for him.

But sometimes, when Justin watched Brian's face as they made love it was if there was no real emotion there; that it would have mattered who he was with. Brian just needed the sex: a means of shutting himself off from what he was feeling.

“Don't take it to heart,” Vic informed Justin. “He's still hurting.” Vic had come down one evening with an attack of the munchies and was raiding the refrigerator; he'd found Justin sitting at the kitchen table and nursing a cup of coffee: Brian, at last, was asleep.

“But why won't he let me in ... let me help him instead of shutting me out?” the younger man asked him; obviously hurting himself from Brian excluding him.

“You have to understand ... Brian clams up ... shuts himself off ... when he's hurting.”

“But I love him ... he knows I do,” stated Justin and Vic nodded.

“Deep down ... yes ... he probably does ... but getting him to admit it is something else,” and Vic squeezed Justin's shoulder and leaned down to speak quietly into the younger man's ear.

“Don't give up,” and Vic smiled at him as he made his way back to bed. Justin closed his eyes before going back up to bed and climbing in beside the other man; taking him gently in his arms and so badly wanting to be there for him.

And though Brian had never been someone who'd needed to cuddle up, when he woke in the middle of the night, there was something so comforting about finding the blond's arms around him; like a shield, protecting him from the horrors and dangers of the outside world.

And so neither of them mentioned how it was they really felt. Justin for fear that Brian was still too scared to admit it and would push him away again and Brian, in case having taken that step; having put his feelings into words and opened himself up and demonstrated just how vulnerable he really was, that Justin would leave him like he feared he would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ad. in the paper had seemed ideal; 20 hours a week and days to suit, which would still leave Justin with time to paint. The salary wasn't bad and would be enough for Justin to at least start to pay his way. The guy who interviewed him seemed pretty decent enough and the reference the gallery manager had given him, along with his diploma and the samples of work he'd taken with him had impressed well enough. And, a couple of hours after he got back to the house, his cell phone rang, telling him he'd got the job and that he could start straight away.

Two days later, Justin turned up at the offices and waited at the reception desk until his new boss came along.

“Hi Justin ... good to see you again ... welcome to Kinnetik,” and the man held out his hand, which Justin took.

“Thanks Mr. Schmidt ... glad to be here,” and the other man smiled as he answered.

“We're pretty informal around here, Justin ... call me Ted ... now ... let me show you around the art department.”

- o O o -

“I'll let Dan show you the ropes ... then I'll introduce you to Billie who handles personnel and payroll ... get your details down ... make sure you get your first paycheck on time,” and Ted chuckled. He'd taken to Justin right away and the younger man's references and portfolio had been first class; he was just what they were looking for in order to help with the increased number of accounts Kinnetik was currently handling.

Ted left Justin with Dan Clark, who worked full time as Head of Kinnetik's small but busy art department and who'd been complaining about not having enough help to meet demand.

“Good to meet you again, Justin,” and he took Justin's hand: like Ted, Dan had agreed that Justin stood head and shoulders above the other applicants they'd interviewed and had been the obvious choice. Dan was only concerned that after having seen the young man's work, that they were too small and exclusive an outfit for Justin to want to stay with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin spent the morning being shown around the building and introduced to everyone as well as being taken through the art department's routine and practices. Then he spent thirty minutes with Billie Johnson; giving her his social security number and personal details she needed in order to set up his file and initiate automatic payment of his salary straight into the bank.

“You know ... I recognize a lot of these campaigns,” admitted Justin as Dan then showed him the boards from the various accounts they'd promoted in the past and Dan nodded with obvious pride. “We've got a good reputation for real down to earth advertising ... less bull and more grit ... a somewhat unique approach don't you think ...” he chuckled and Justin nodded in surprise and agreement and then Dan continued. “But that ethos has to be attributed to our founder ... Bri ...”

“Justin ... don't let Dan work you too hard now ... you're entitled to a break,” interrupted Ted as he popped his head around the door, accompanied by a taller, rather colorfully dressed companion. “He's cute ...” whispered Emmett Honeycutt into Ted's ear. “Maybe he'd like to come to lunch with us,” and he smiled at Justin. “Sweetie ... would you like to come to lunch with us?” and they saw Justin hesitate before speaking. “We all pitch in here Justin ... it's not management and everyone else,” Ted assured him, guessing why Justin seemed reluctant to answer.

Justin smiled at them both and wondered if everyone working for and associated with Kinnetik was gay, for it sure seemed like a large percentage of the staff were; from management down to the newest recruit. But then again, taking up offices in an old bathhouse wouldn't be likely by any company who wasn't particularly gay-friendly or didn't want to be associated with that community.

“Sure ... I'd love to ... if that's okay,” asked Justin, eager to fit in and he looked back at Dan. “Of course ... you're entitled to a lunch break,” answered Dan and he looked at his watch. “Shall we say be back by 1:30?” and Justin smiled as he followed behind Ted and Emmett; catching up with the taller man.

“Where are we going ... only I'm not exactly flush until I get my first paycheck,” Justin whispered: Emmett smiled and put his arm around the smaller man's shoulders. “It's my treat as it's your first day ... and there's a diner not far from here ... the food's not bad for the money ... and then there's always the entertainment ...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Liberty Diner was colorful and noisy and that was only the staff. The place was heaving as it was lunch time, but the manageress's voice could still be heard over the juke box and numerous conversations taking place.

“This isn't a fucking prize fight ... if you don't stop ringing that damn bell ... I'll shove it up your ass,” she growled at the man who'd been trying to attract her attention from the kitchen and then she turned sweetly back to the table she'd been taking orders from.

"And an extra order of fries,” Debbie jotted down and she reached out to feel the biceps of one of the young men at the table and looked at his rather well-built companion; Debbie winked. “I can see why you need to keep your strength up,” she chuckled and she tore off the order and handed it into the kitchen as she collected the meal all ready for her to deliver.

Emmett chuckled as he managed to grab a booth the occupants were just leaving. “Didn't I tell you?”

“She's pretty colorful alright,” agreed Justin as he sat down opposite him and Ted put out his hand to stop the passing waitress. “Hi Kiki ... looks like you'll never get Debbie to retire,” and he turned back to Justin. “We held a sort of retirement party for her a couple of weeks ago ... but she keeps coming back.”

“And thank goodness for that ... to be honest ... I don't know what we'd do without her ... the new manager didn't last five minutes,” she continued and Kiki tried to move away but Ted stopped her. “Can we give you our order?” Emmett rolled his eyes. “Just because you have the same thing every lunch time ... the rest of us have to make a decision,” and he handed Justin a menu. “There you go, sweetie.”

Kiki shook her head. “Well ... you'd better take a number hun ... we're running off our feet today,” and before Ted could speak further, Kiki managed to escape. But eventually, everyone having decided what they wanted to eat, Emmett managed to catch Kiki as she raced by and placed a hand on the waitress' arm and she stopped. “Kiki ... we don't have long,” and Ted looked at his watch. Kiki sighed but looked at the newbie at the table and Justin gave her a huge smile.

“Okay,” Kiki relented and getting out her order book. “How could I say no to a smile like that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, this became the general routine and Justin ate at the diner most working days and couldn't believe how friendly and welcoming everyone was there as well as at his place of work. He was also starting to get more involved than he could have hoped for in the various campaigns Kinnetik was handling and was amazed at how soon Dan began to trust his judgment.

“You've got a great eye, Justin ... for both color and form ... I can't believe you're settling for a part time job in a relatively small concern like ours.”

Justin turned away from the workbench and smiled at him. “Thanks Dan ... but this suits me just fine ... it allows me time to do what I really love ... I mean …” and Justin frowned, not meaning to be rude or thoughtless, but Dan slapped him on the back.

“So ... we're just a stop-gap are we?” and he could see how embarrassed Justin looked. “Sorry Dan ... I didn't mean to sound ungrateful ... it's just I'm trying to be an artist ... but ...”

“But you need to eat ... I understand ... and I'd love to see some more of your work some time.”

“You would?” Justin asked him and Dan nodded. “Of course ... I admire you ... you're really trying to make a living out of something you love to do.”

“I'd loved to have been a full time artist ... but I'm afraid I didn't have the talent or the determination ... but something tells me you have tons of both.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was mid-morning on one of the days that Justin didn't have to work. He'd decided to work the 20 hours over three days if he could, but on the understanding they would be pretty flexible depending on deadlines. But this way, he could have breakfast with Brian and Vic, though Vic was spending more time at Rodney's these days and then Justin would be back in time for supper. So far, Justin's movements hadn't been questioned, but that wasn't to say they'd gone unnoticed.

He'd started to work on the painting of Brian and Gus again and this morning, he'd got up with the sun; his need to paint so urgent and had left Brian in bed. Brian had noticed he'd not been around during some of the days recently, but so far had resisted asking him where he was disappearing off to.

But Justin would never guess that in actual fact, Brian had started to fear that the blond was pulling away from him or, worse still, that there was someone else. But coming down to breakfast, Brian noticed that today, Justin's car was still parked out front so he must be up in his own rooms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“If I make lunch today ... are you gonna eat it?” asked Vic as he took Brian's mid-morning coffee into the study. “Hmm?” came the rather absentminded reply.

“Lunch ... are you gonna eat it?” In the weeks after Gus had returned to Toronto, Brian had gradually started to come out of his depression at the boy leaving, but he still didn't eat very much and Vic had noticed that Brian looked like he'd lost weight again.

“I'll ask Justin if he'd like to join us,” stated Vic as he left the room, having not gotten a definite answer, but he hoped that the chance to eat with the younger man might entice Brian to the table. And Vic knew full well that the fact that Brian and Justin slept together didn't automatically mean that they actually conversed and any chance for talking, Vic was trying to encourage.

“He is here then?” asked Brian before he had a chance to stop himself and Vic looked back around the door. “Sure ... he's here,” and he resisted a smile. “I'll call you when lunch is ready.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“If I ask you .... will you tell me?” inquired Vic as he finished laying the table. He'd called across to Justin and asked him if he'd like to have lunch and the younger man had followed on a little later.

“Ask me what?” Justin came back at him. “Where it is you've been going off to ... or is it a secret.”

“It's no secret ... it's just no big deal ... that's all,” and Justin retrieved the jug of homemade lemonade from the fridge, but he couldn't ignore the stare the older man was giving him.

“I've got a job ... it's only part time ... but it'll mean I can start to pay my way.”

“Does Brian know?”

“Does Brian know what?” came the voice from the doorway and both men turned to face him.

Justin blinked and scratched behind his ear; a certain indication that something was up and Vic picked up the signs. “If you'll excuse me ... we've run out of ... of potato salad and a few other things,” and neither Brian nor Justin questioned the man as Vic made his excuses and left.

“Strange time to go shopping ... with lunch ready,” observed Justin and Brian nodded. “Especially as Vic always makes his own potato salad,” and both men looked at each other and smiled; knowing exactly why Vic had left them alone.

“So ... what was it you were going to tell me?” asked Brian eventually and almost dreading the younger man's answer. Justin reached into his back pocket for something he'd made out just before coming over. He'd already planned on having this conversation with Brian today, but he'd hoped it would be on his terms and that Brian wouldn't take it the wrong way.

“Here ... towards my keep,” and hesitating, Brian reached out and then took the check from Justin's hand and looked at it. “You can't afford this.”

“I've got a job ... it's only a few hours a week ... but at least I've got some money coming in,” explained Justin.

“Keep it,” stated Brian and he held out the check, but Justin shook his head.

“No ... I have to do this ... and I know it's not enough ... and that it won't cover everything ... but I need to make a contribution,” and Justin took a deep breath, wondering if he were about to overplay his hand.

“It's either that … or I try and find somewhere I can afford ... share somewhere maybe ... if I have to,” and Justin sighed and closed the distance between them.

“Let me do this.”

“You don't have to.”

“I know I don't ... but I want to,” Justin told him. “I want to prove to you as well as for my own satisfaction ... that I can do things for myself,” and then he frowned.

“Do you want me to be dependent on you ... is that it?” Justin asked him and Brian shook his head. “No ... of course not ... you're right to want to do things for yourself and not rely on anyone else,” and Brian looked him in the eye and smiled. In actual fact, he couldn't be more proud that Justin wanted to show he could be his own man. And even if this was a small beginning, he could see how important it was to Justin to prove himself in Brian's eyes as well as his own, and Brian smiled before reaching out and bringing the younger man in for a kiss.

So, Justin wanted to demonstrate his independence and the relief that Brian felt that this was all it was and not that the younger man had found someone else he'd wanted to be with. Not that he could have blamed him: Brian wasn't exactly vocal in allowing Justin to know just how much he meant to him.

It didn't even occur to Brian to ask Justin who he was working for and Justin didn't volunteer any further information; the two men just accepting Justin's right to do what he felt he needed to. And the fact that lunch didn't appear to have been touched by the time Vic arrived back, hoping he'd given the two men time enough to sort out something that otherwise could turn out to be a problem between them, had left the older man chuckling to himself. Especially when he realized that, in actual fact, the strawberries and cream he'd intended as dessert had indeed disappeared from the refrigerator. But there were no signs of them having been eaten in the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Happy birthday, Gus.”

“Thanks, dad ... and thanks for the Ipod ... it's really neat.” Brian sighed with relief; thankful that he'd managed to get Gus the perfect gift.

“Mom and Mamma bought me a new bike ... uncle Vic sent me some money and I got a new video game from grandma Debbie.” Brian smiled as he heard the excitement in his son's voice and then Gus went quiet for a moment.

“When am I gonna see you?” his son asked him eventually and Brian swallowed. “I'm not sure.”

“Why don't you come up ... mom would love to see you ... and so would I.”

“I'm pretty busy at the moment.”

“Oh,” and Brian couldn't help but hear the obvious disappointment in Gus' voice. “But I'll call you in a couple of days and we can chat again then,” Brian added quickly. “Okay,” Gus answered; a little happier now.

“How's Justin?” was his next question and Brian smiled. He was so pleased Gus and Justin got on well and that Gus even thought to inquire about him. “He's fine ... I'll tell him you asked after him,” answered Brian.

“Maybe he could call me too?” queried Gus, anxious to keep as much in touch with his dad and the people around him as he could.

Then, after Gus asked about Buttons and Brian told him how much the pony was missing him but that they were looking after him and making sure he wouldn't get lonely, their conversation came to a close and Brian sighed with a mixture of still missing his son, but also of relief and a little satisfaction.

After the first couple of weeks, when Brian didn't think he could even hear Gus' voice without breaking down, he'd begun to call his son several times a week and was so glad he had. It was great to hear his voice and for the boy to tell him how his week was going and what he was doing at school. At least this way, Brian could feel like he was still part of Gus' life, even if it was at a distance.

And when Brian told Justin how Gus was asking after him, Justin too was more than pleased to call the youngster, which became a regular occurrence: it looked like Gus was becoming a part of both their lives.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright ... I'll talk to him,” Vic promised and he put down the phone and he sighed. He'd been seeing Rodney now for nearly two years; the other man a little younger than Vic and he wanted them to move in together. Vic knew he shouldn't hesitate too much longer. He wasn't getting any younger after all and Rodney was getting a little impatient.

Vic leaned against the counter and rubbed the back of his neck, wondering how he was going to break it to Brian. He knew how much the man had grown to depend on him, but in the last month or so, there were definite signs of improvement. Since Gus' last visit and having Justin around, Brian seemed to becoming much more independent and confident in coping with every day occurrences than he was after the accident and, hopefully, this might be the final push needed to persuade him he could manage without him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin was sure he wasn't imagining it and that Brian really was becoming more relaxed and now, instead of shutting himself away in the study all the time, he would sometimes take his laptop into the conservatory or, even out onto the patio. The weather was still quite warm for early fall and, because the pool was heated, for the moment, they could still go for a daily swim.

Justin found that he was really enjoying his work at Kinnetik and had been able to sit in on a few of the presentations. His opinion had both been sought after and was respected and less than two months after he'd started, Ted made him an offer.

“You know Justin ... the way things have been ... we've been way understaffed for a long time now ... if you ever want to increase your hours ... I think we could renegotiate your contract.” Ted had popped his head around the door and finding Justin on his own, took the opportunity to run his idea by the younger man, but Justin shook his head.

“Thanks Ted ... that's good to know ... but ... I have to be honest ... I don't really see that this is the direction I want to go in ... full time,” replied Justin and Ted nodded. “Well ... thank you for your honesty.”

“I've been hearing great things and I've seen your work for myself ... so I hope we don't lose you too soon.” Justin smiled at him. “Thanks ... I don't think there's any danger of that just yet,” he chuckled and Ted returned the smile and made to leave and then he hesitated.

“Oh ... by the way ... that Howard's Haulage campaign you've been working on ... we're gonna have to check out the copyright on the slogan ... it seems something like the one we thought of using might have been used before ... so don't go any further with it.”

“I've been meaning to run it by legal … but I haven't had the time.”

“Do you want me to see if there's a problem?” offered Justin. “Then I'll know whether I can carry on or not.” Ted smiled his appreciation; Justin was always eager to please and take the weight off.

“Thanks ... I'd appreciate it ... see Josh.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joshua Morgan had been with Kinnetik just a couple of months longer than Justin, He was tall, blond and well-built and he would have been a natural football player and though they'd smiled as they'd passed each other in the building a few times, they'd not actually had a conversation: Justin knocked on the open door.

“Josh?” “That's me,” came the reply and with a big smile, the man got up from behind the desk and held out his hand and Justin introduced himself. “I don't think I was in the office when you started,” observed the larger man and he sat on the edge of his desk as Justin took a chair. “What can I help you with?” he asked him.

After passing on the query Ted had over the wording of the proposed slogan for the haulage campaign, Justin left Josh sorting it out and went back to work. Then, just before lunch, Josh came by to see him.

“There's no problem, Justin ... the boards can go ahead,” he smiled at him.

“Wow ... that was quick ... thanks, Josh.”

“My pleasure,” came the reply and the other man stopped in the doorway, looking like he was about to ask him something.

“Look ... I'm still pretty new in town ... I was wondering ... if you ever want to go out for a beer ...” “Thanks Josh ... but I'm sort of seeing someone,” Justin answered him and Josh held up his hand. “Sorry Justin ... I didn't make myself clear ... I'm not gay ... I just thought you might like to go for a drink ... as colleagues or friends.”

“Oh,” came back Justin, a little embarrassed at his mistake and Josh grinned. “It's okay ... working in this place ... you're not the first guy who thought I was hitting on him.”

“It doesn't bother you ... working here I mean?”

“Only I think the fags outnumber the straights 2 to 1,” Justin chuckled.

“No ... I don't have a problem with it,” answered Josh and he smiled back.

“Don't tell me ... your brother's gay?” asked Justin, but Josh shook his head.

“An uncle ... cousin?” but Josh only shrugged. “I guess I just know exactly who I am.”

“Jeez ... I wish there were more people like you ... who didn't feel threatened by us,” observed Justin sincerely, recalling painfully just how few people did indeed have Josh's acceptance of others for who they were and Justin bit his lip: Josh seemed like one really nice guy.

“So ... does that mean you're unattached ... girlfriend-wise that is?” asked Justin and Josh frowned at him. “Why? ... No … don't tell me ... you have a bachelor sister,” and then the man chuckled.

“No ... not a sister ... but I do have a very good friend you might get along with ...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“A date? ... A double-date?” queried Daphne, horrified at the prospect, when Justin called her up and she could hear the smile in his voice.

“Hardly ... can you imagine Brian being in on that?” and Daphne grinned down the phone. She'd been up to the house a few times and taken up the invitation to use the pool and had enjoyed Brian's company. But picturing the man out on a normal date was something she just couldn't quite imagine.

“I just thought that maybe ... you could drop by the office ... over lunch,” Justin continued.

“But he knows you're setting him up,” protested Daphne, exasperated at her friend's attempt at playing Cupid. “He's a cool guy ... I've told him all about you and he'd like to meet you,” informed Justin. “And I know you'll like him,” he insisted and, in the end, Daphne relented.

“Okay ... I'll drop by to see you ... if Josh is there and we start talking ... we'll see,” and reluctantly, Daphne agreed to stop by the offices on her next day off, once Justin had made sure Josh would be there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the weeks that Justin had been going to the diner, he'd been introduced to Debbie Novotny, but Justin never would have connected her to Vic until the man walked in this particular lunch time.

“Hi, Sis.”

Justin had been sitting in a booth with other members of staff from Kinnetik and looked up at the sound of the familiar voice as Vic sat down on a stool at the counter and Debbie leaned across the counter and they kissed.

“You wanna order?” Debbie asked him, but Vic shook his head. “In a little while ... I'm waiting for Rodney ... we're going linen shopping this afternoon.”

“Linen shopping? ... Don't tell me Rodney's going to make an honest man out of you?” she chuckled.

Justin listened to the easy banter between them. So, this was Vic's sister and, presumably, Michael's mother.

Going up to pay his bill, Justin stood beside Vic and the man glanced up at him; Justin smiled and was about to speak when the look on Vic's face told him to keep his mouth shut and Vic quickly looked over at his sister, who was taking another order.

“Justin ... what the hell are you doing here?” Vic whispered. “I work just around the corner,” Justin answered him, frowning. “Why ... what's the problem?”

“Careful Vic ... I'll tell Rodney you've got yourself a new cutie,” chuckled Debbie, who, unobserved by both Vic and Justin, had come back behind the counter and seen her brother and a young blond deep in conversation.

Justin blinked, but taking his cue from the silent Vic, only asked to pay his bill. “See you, Debbie,” he called out to her as he left.

“He's a real sweetie ... do you know him?” Debbie asked Vic. “I've seen him around,” Vic answered her. He hated lying to his sister, but he wanted to avoid her going off on one, if she found out that Justin was so close to Brian.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After work, Justin got back to the house to find Brian in the study and had hoped to entice the man away from his desk. Kissing the back of his neck and sending tingles down Brian's spine, the older man groaned.

“I have to get this finished ... they've moved things up a little ... the deadline's tighter than it was.”

“That's not the only thing that's tight,” whispered Justin in his ear and Brian closed his eyes as he willed his body not to react like it was threatening to.

“Give me a couple of hours.”

“I might not be so interested by then,” threatened Justin and he grinned at him; having worked his way around in front of Brian. He sat on the corner of the desk and, leaning forward, started to slide his hand up the inside of Brian's thigh. The older man grabbed Justin's wrist before it went any higher and passed the point of no return.

“An hour ... give me an hour,” and now Justin groaned. “Well ... don't be surprised if I haven't started without you,” he teased and he leaned forward, just letting his lips brush Brian's and then he withdrew and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Damn. He had to get this part finished real quick.

Going out to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator, Justin was in the process of making himself a sandwich when Vic came in the back door and Justin grinned at him.

“You and Rodney get all that new linen you went looking for ... and what was that all about at the diner?”

“Shh ... where's Brian?” asked Vic, quietly and worried that the man might have overheard. “He's in the study,” Justin answered him and watched, confused, as Vic crossed the floor and closed the kitchen door. “I didn't want you letting on you knew Brian in front of Debbie ... she hasn't forgiven him for the accident.”

“This accident gets more mysterious every time I hear about it,” frowned Justin. “I can't understand what all the fuss is about ... accidents happen,” and Justin took a bite out of his sandwich. “I wish you'd tell Debbie that,” frowned Vic, still keeping his voice low.

“Is that all?” asked Justin, for it seemed to him that there was something else on Vic's mind.

“Well ... actually ... no.”

“Rodney's asked me to move in.”

“Vic ... that's great news ... I'm so pleased for you,” and Justin hugged him; still clutching his sandwich and careful not to drip mayonnaise all over the man's shirt.

“Will you keep it down,” Vic urged him and he saw Justin's expression fall. “Sorry, Justin ... thanks for your good wishes ... but I haven't said anything to Brian yet ... and I'm still not sure how I'm going to.”

“Why ... what's the problem?”

“Let's just say things were pretty rough after the accident ... Brian started to depend on me for a lot of things ... I'm not sure how he'd handle it if I just said I was leaving.”

Justin sighed in frustration. “Why does everyone keep saying 'let's just say'? Lindsay said the same thing.“

“Why won't anyone tell me what really happened ... what went on with the accident?”

“I think it's something you'd best leave alone,” stated Vic. “You can't change what happened ... so why not just think about the future instead.”

“Is that what you're doing ... thinking about the future?” asked Justin and Vic sighed. “Well ... I guess if nothing else ... the accident did teach me that life is pretty fragile and none of us ever know,” and then he stopped himself and saw how Justin was studying the floor.

“Sorry, Justin ... I guess I don't have to tell you how tenuous our hold on life is,” and Justin looked up and smiled weakly. “Which is exactly why you should move in with Rodney ... if that's what you want,” he assured the older man.

“And as for Brian ... I'm here now and … well ... maybe if it were just him and me ...”

“Brian would start to think of you as a couple?” asked Vic, but Justin shrugged. “I don't know Vic ... sometimes I think I know what's going on in Brian's head ... that I know how he feels about me ... other times I haven't gotta fucking clue.”

“But maybe you need the chance to find out?” shrugged Vic. Maybe this was make or break time; for Vic to move in with Rodney, allowing Brian and Justin to be on their own and function as a couple, and see how Brian coped. How they both did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As it happened, Daphne took one look at Josh and suddenly found she spoke a whole new language: gibberish and in the end she groaned in embarrassment. Josh smiled. “It's okay ... I'm a little nervous too,” he admitted and they both laughed.

“Do you wanna have lunch?” Josh asked her and Justin couldn't miss the beam on his friend's face; on both their faces. “Sure ... I'd love to,” agreed Daph and chatting about where they might go, they left the building, apparently both of them entirely forgetting that Justin was even there.

Josh was smitten straight away and there was something about blonds that always caught Daphne's eye and it didn't get past her that in many ways, Josh was so much like Justin. But unlike Justin, at least Josh was definitely boyfriend material.

Suddenly, Justin realized he'd been left on his own and he had to chuckle to himself and decided he'd probably pop down to the diner and get a take-out: there didn't seem to be many people around in the office today and so he might as well get on with his work.

As it turned out, there were always going to be people at the diner he knew, but he'd never expected one of them to be his mother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That's the last of the flyer's, Debbie ... do you need any more volunteers ... I don't mind helping out.” Debbie smiled at her. “Jen ... we can always use all the help we can get.”

The next PFLAG family potluck lunch had been arranged for the following Saturday at the Gay and Lesbian Center and Jennifer had been out spreading the word and helping to raise funds.

“Mom?”

The look of pure shock on Justin's face as he found his mom at the Liberty Diner was met by the expression of equal surprise on Jennifer's.

“Hello, dear,” and she reached out and put her hand on Justin's arm as she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

“He your kid?” asked Debbie and Jennifer nodded. “He certainly is,” and you could hear the pride in her voice, but Justin started to redden. Debbie pointed a finger at him. “Then why haven't we seen you at any of the PFLAG get togethers?”

“I've been pretty busy,” offered Justin lamely.

“Too busy to support your community?” shot back Debbie and then the bell on the door rang as it was opened. “Speaking of absent sons ... and where the hell have you been these past weeks?” and Debbie's annoyance was now directed at the man in his late thirties who'd just come in the door.

“Hi, mom,” replied Michael and he reached over the counter to kiss her. “And it's not like we haven't talked on the phone at least three times a day,” he whispered to her, but Debbie wasn't having any of it. “Just because you're off giving those lectures on gay comic book heroes ... you don't have time to come and see your mother?” and Michael shrugged; he knew there was no way he was going to win that one.

“Kids huh?” stated Debbie and she shook her head and Jennifer smiled at Justin. “So ... how's the job going?” “It's going good ... thanks, mom.” Since having dinner that time and clearing the air between them, Justin and his mom spoke regularly on the phone and she was relieved to hear he was starting to earn a living. She was so proud of his talent as an artist, but feared how he was going to support himself; only wishing she could help out more herself.

“And that guy you're seeing ... you are still seeing him aren't you? Oh excuse me ...”

Justin thanked the gods as his mom's cell phone rang, preventing him from having to answer her question, bearing in mind the conversation he'd had earlier with Vic.

“That's okay, Katie ... just ring Mr. Martinez back and tell him the papers were sent off yesterday ... no ... the seller won't drop the asking price any more ... I thought I'd made myself clear over that.”

“What? ... Good heavens ... I hadn't realized that was the time ... I'm on my way,” and Jennifer closed down her cell and put it back in her purse. “I’ve got to run Debbie ... I'll call you later about helping out on Saturday,” and she turned to Justin. “Let's have lunch ... I want to hear all about that man of yours ... in fact ... when am I going to meet him?” she asked and Justin leaned in to kiss her.

“I'll call you.” “Soon ... make it soon,” urged his mom and Justin nodded, but couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief, as his mom walked out the door, that he hadn't been questioned any further about Brian in front of Debbie and Michael.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian couldn't help noticing that Vic had something on his mind. Having known the man since he was 14 and having shared the same house for over three years, Brian felt he'd got to know him pretty well. But Vic had been unusually quiet for the past few days, which wasn't like him unless he was worried or unsettled about something.

Vic then announced that Rodney would be coming to dinner. Not unusual in itself, but just in the way that Vic said it, Brian had nodded and knew in his heart what was coming. He owed Vic so much and though the Brian Kinney of old would never have admitted it, Brian knew that without Vic's support since the accident, he had no idea how he might have ended up and he didn't want the man to suffer any longer.

“When are you leaving?” Brian asked Vic quietly. Vic was putting the roast into the oven and Brian was leaning against the counter and Vic looked up at him in surprise.

“Did you think I wouldn't guess?”

“I know how close you and Rodney are,” continued Brian. “It was only a matter of time until you wanted to be together.”

Vic closed his eyes and gave a huge sigh of relief. How typical of the old Brian to come right out and say it: to cut to the chase and save Vic any more anxiety.

“I wouldn't leave before you're ready for me to,” Vic assured him and then he frowned. “But it's going to have to be closer to the Pitts ... there's no way we can afford to live out here.” Brian nodded in understanding. “You do what you have to ... don't worry about me ... I can look after myself,” and he saw Vic automatically raise an eyebrow and Brian approached him and put a hand on Vic's shoulder.

“Despite popular opinion ... I am a grown man ... I know how to dress and feed myself ... and I can do the laundry ... if I'm forced to ... or get in a service,” he admitted as an afterthought.

“That sounds more like it,” answered Vic and both men grinned. And then suddenly, Brian pulled the older man in and they hugged and Brian held on. He didn't want to admit it, least of all to Vic and make the man feel guilty for leaving, but he sure was going to miss him like hell.

“Well ... I hope you've got the Champagne on ice,” stated Brian and when Vic shook his head, Brian went in search of a bottle to put in the refrigerator. But mostly he wanted to put a little distance between Vic and himself for a few minutes, in order to get himself together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“To Vic and Rodney,” announced Brian, who had stood and made the toast during dinner and all four of them clinked glasses. But Justin thought he could hear the slight tremor in the man's voice and when Brian sat back down, Justin took his hand under the table and squeezed it.

“I'll be here,” he whispered in reassurance and Brian tried to smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well ... the first thing we have to do is look for a house ... my place really isn't big enough for us to live in permanently,” announced Rodney as everyone took the dirty dishes into the kitchen.

For the first time in over three years, Brian had insisted they eat dinner in the dining room instead of the kitchen and the table had looked wonderful with the china and glassware, so rarely used.

“And that's not going to be easy ... I have some savings ... but property prices have gone sky-high in the last few years ... we could end up in a tent in the back garden,” Vic chuckled.

“Not a good idea with winter coming on ... and your arthritis,” reminded Rodney. “Hey ... I'm not that decrepit,” and Vic flicked him with the dishtowel.

“In any case ... I thought you had your love to keep you warm,” grinned Brian, tilting his head to one side and Vic threw the dishtowel at him.

“I'm sure you'll find somewhere ... as long as you're together ... that's the main thing,” observed Justin and he and Brian looked on as Vic put his arm around Rodney's waist and the two men kissed.

Brian tapped Justin on the shoulder and motioned him outside, allowing the men to be on their own.

“You just wanna get out of the washing up,” grinned Justin as he followed Brian out into the hall, but Brian turned around and put his hand behind Justin's neck and pulled him in for a long kiss.

“Don't tell me all this romance is catching?” quipped Justin, only half-joking.

“Don't push your luck,” came back Brian, but even he had to admit how beautiful the relationship between Vic and Rodney looked: one to be envied. And Justin thought that's exactly what he saw in Brian's eyes as the man brought him in for a second kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It's getting a little chilly out there,” frowned Vic as he came in the back door, rubbing his hands together. It was his turn to feed Buttons, turn him out into the paddock for the day and then clean out his stall and there was already a sign of frost on the ground overnight.

“Any luck on the house front?” asked Justin over breakfast and Vic sighed. “We did view a really nice house ... but it needs quite a lot of work and I'm not sure we could manage that without me finding a full time job ... and that's not going to be easy at my age,” and Vic helped himself to toast and scrambled egg.

“Oh ... by the way ... there's new folk on the next property ... I met their little girl ... she was talking to Buttons over the fence ... seems like she's got a pony too.”

“Her mom came along ... a really nice lady ... she asked who rode and when I said Gus only got down here during school breaks ... she offered to help exercise Buttons along with Muffin ... that's the daughter's pony ... do you think Gus would mind?”

Brian shrugged. “I'm not sure ... I'll call him and ask.”

“Why don't you tell us a little bit more about the house.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Justin ... it's Cynthia's birthday tomorrow and we're all going out for a drink after work ... wanna come with us?” asked Ted, popping his head around the art department door. “Sure ... thanks ... where we going?”

Ted grinned. “She doesn't know it yet ... but we're going to get her along to Woody's.”

“They're going to lay on some food for us ... and it's a strip night ... then the guys might go on to Babylon.”

“But she's straight,” stated Justin, a little bemused.

“And what ... she's not going to enjoy seeing the guys get their gear off?” asked Ted. “Just because she can't touch doesn't mean to say she can't look ... anyhow ... Debbie will be there to keep her company,” and Ted winked at him; obviously, they were intended on a little light-hearted leg-pulling.

“Sure ... count me in.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following morning as Justin was off to work, he remembered the invitation to join Cynthia's birthday bash.

“Vic ... don't worry about dinner for me tonight ... there's a birthday at work ... they've asked me if I'd like to go out for a drink afterwards.”

“Okay ... thanks Justin ... I'm out myself ... but I'll leave a little something for you in the refrigerator ... in case you get the munchies when you get home.”

Brian was in the hallway and heard Justin call out to Vic.

“So ... you're obviously fitting in well ... if they're asking you to socialize,” observed Brian and he halted Justin's progress by putting his arm around the younger man's waist.

“Going somewhere special?”

“Just Woody's ... and then Babylon.”

“Hmm ... should I be jealous?”

Justin grinned. “It's actually for one of the bosses ... and it's a woman,” and Justin frowned.

“It’s her birthday … so I guess I should get her some flowers or something on the way in to work.”

“Uh huh ... trying to get in the boss' good books ... and score a few brownie points,” grinned Brian, but Justin shook his head. “No ... she's not like that ... she works you hard ... but she's nice ... and doesn't have favorites.”

“Okay ... you go ahead,” and Brian sighed.

“Just think of me here ... on my own ... in a cold, lonely bed ...”

Justin grinned and reached up to kiss him. “You could always come with me ... I'm sure no one would mind,” but Brian shook his head. A few years ago, he could handle a evening's drinking at Woody's and then dancing at Babylon until 4:00 in the morning, with a couple of excursions to the back room to keep things interesting. But that was another life-time ago. He was a different person then.

“No ... you go ahead ... I've got plenty of work I can be doing anyway,” and Brian opened the door for him and then he called out. “Justin ... if you're drinking ... get a cab home.”

“Okay,” answered the younger man as he made his way to his car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi Justin ... do you know Ben?” asked Michael Novotny as he and a well-built, taller man joined the group already at Woody's. Ben smiled and held out his hand and Justin took it. Going into the diner regularly, Justin had seen Michael a few times now and Michael, Ted and Emmett were obviously good friends and Michael had occasionally joined them for lunch. But despite the warning from Vic, it felt strange for Justin not to be able to mention Brian when he knew how close he and Michael had once been.

“Is the birthday girl here yet?” Ben asked, looking around and Justin shook his head. “Ted and Debbie are bringing her ... they're hoping that as Debbie's with them, Cyn won't guess where they're headed.”

“I wouldn't bet on it,” chuckled Michael. “I met my mom in this place more times than I care to admit.”

“Wow,” answered Justin. “You're lucky ... there aren't many moms who are at home in a gay bar like that.” Michael frowned; he could remember a friend saying something like that to him almost 10 years ago.

“There she is ...”

The cheer went up and Cynthia, a little embarrassed, but secretly pleased that so many people had gone to so much trouble to celebrate her birthday with her, reddened a little as she was cajoled through the door by Ted and Debbie.

“Something tells me this was a big mistake,” sighed Cynthia as a very large drink was placed in her hand and the music started. “You speak for yourself, hun,” chuckled Debbie and she settled Cynthia and herself into the seats with the best view as the muscular and already scantily-clad guy jumped up on the stage to start his act.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The place seemed strangely empty. After Justin had moved into the rooms above the garage, though in fact he never slept there now, Brian hadn't spent an evening on his own in the house since the accident. But Vic was spending more time away now and he sighed. Brian knew Vic needed to move out and be with Rodney and that he shouldn't stay just out of loyalty: he'd done more for him that Brian could ever have expected. The man deserved a life of his own, but Brian still wasn't sure how he would cope, especially if it was just him and Justin.

Brian had never actually asked Justin to move in and a good many of Justin's clothes and possessions were still in his own rooms, but when he wasn't working or painting, the younger man now spent all his time at the house and Brian was beginning to realize just how right that seemed: a natural progression of their relationship. For indeed that was how Brian was starting to think; that maybe, just maybe, he'd take a chance at a relationship with Justin. And the bed did seem big and lonely without him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just after midnight, Justin was a little surprised to find the light on the nightstand still on as he quietly opened the bedroom door. He'd contemplated just going up to his own rooms and not disturbing Brian, but when he got back to the house, he could see a light still on in Brian's bedroom window. The man looked up at him.

“You're back early.”

Brian was in bed, but he had the laptop with him.

“Are you working ... or ...” and Justin started to shed his clothes at the bottom of the bed.

“Or are you logged on to some porn site?” he chuckled.

“Don't kid yourself ... I wasn't missing you that much,” smiled Brian in return, but Justin could see the mischief in the man's eyes. “Hmm ...” and slipping into bed beside him, Justin looked over Brian's shoulder. “Oh ... you are still working.”

“Don't sound so surprised ... I have a deadline,” Brian informed him, but he closed his eyes as Justin's hand started to stroke his thigh. Damn. He was hoping to get this finished tonight, but obviously the blond had other ideas.

“You have a good time?” asked Brian, trying to stall for little time and then he looked around at him. “I thought you were going on to Babylon?” Justin shook his head. “I went with the guys ... but then I realized there was nobody there I was interested in,” and now Justin's hand went higher.

“Ted and Emmett stayed though,” and now his hand found its destination and Brian gasped. “I think you better hit Save,” Justin suggested, seriously and then he grinned. Brian groaned. He‘d obviously get no more work done tonight and, as suggested, he saved the material he'd been working on and Justin took the laptop out of his hands and carefully put it down on the floor. That was when Brian suddenly realized what Justin had said.

“Ted and Emmett?” and he grabbed Justin's wrist: surely there couldn't be that many pairs of friends with those names.

“Justin ... where exactly is it you're working? ... I don't think you ever told me.” Justin frowned. “You know ... I don't think I ever did,” and he leaned forward and kissed Brian's neck before answering; his words punctuated with kisses as he moved down the older man's body.

“It's an advertising agency ... Kinnetik ... been in business now ... for about four ... maybe five years ... it's a great outfit ... real ballsy stuff ... you know,” and Brian nodded; he knew alright. But his mouth was dry and his heart was pounding fit to burst and it wasn't just because of what Justin was doing to him.

“You like it there?” he managed to say eventually and Justin looked up and nodded. But he was as confused as hell as to why Brian seemed insistent on talking: usually words weren't necessary.

“Yeah ... they're a great bunch ... Ted and Cynthia ... that's whose birthday it was ... they run the place between them,” and Justin slid under the bedclothes, determined Brian wouldn't be capable of conversing shortly, but Brian pushed back the duvet, for despite the temptation, he wanted to carry on with this particular conversation.

“Were there many people there?” Brian asked, wondering if any more of the old gang had been in attendance; like Michael or Debbie. But he never got his question answered. Justin's mouth was otherwise occupied.

Licking and teasing the end of Brian's shaft with his tongue, Justin quickly found the sensitive area underneath. Encircling the base with his hands, the blond began his strokes; taking him further into his mouth and Brian groaned. Taking a breath, but still holding him with his hands, Justin looked up and made eye contact and he smiled before resuming his sucking and licking; moving his head back and forth, exploring and tasting: bringing Brian ever closer to orgasm.

Brian tried to think, but was now lost in a haze of pleasure; his thoughts whirling around his head. Shit. Justin was working at Kinnetik. Of all the places he could have got a job, he was employed at the very company he'd set up and, on paper, was still CEO of. And if Ted and Emmett were at Cynthia's birthday party, then there was a good chance that Michael, Ben and even Debbie had been too. But very soon, all coherent thinking became impossible.

Now turned on as much as Brian, Justin rotated his tongue and varied his speed; slowing down and speeding up again; knowing from Brian's moans just how good it was feeling.

Justin took him down as far as he could and, as the younger man swallowed, his throat constricted. Brian arched his back as he came and Justin swallowed willingly and eagerly.

His task completed, Justin sighed and crawled up the man's body; moving sleepily into Brian. But once recovered and listening to the blond's gentle breathing, Brian was wide awake, wondering how much longer he'd be able to keep the circumstances of the accident from Justin. Because if he was mixing with the Kinnetik and Liberty Avenue crowd, it wouldn't be very long before somebody got to tell him and he could think of a few people at least who would actually find pleasure in dishing the dirt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having lain awake for hours, Brian fell asleep shortly before dawn; that hour of the day now getting later and later. But once awake, the short conversation of the previous night came flooding back. He'd spent so long re-living that damned accident and then when Justin came along, he’d started to think that was a period of his life he could finally put behind him. But now Brian knew it couldn't be long until Justin found out and that maybe he should get to him first.

With a heavy heart, Brian showered and dressed and then made his way downstairs to find that Justin had already left for work. Going into the kitchen, Brian found a message from Vic to say he was running some errands and wouldn't be back today as he planned to spend the night at Rodney's.

“Dinner's in the freezer,” said the note and Brian sighed. Vic had to be one of the best friends anyone could ever have and Brian picked up the information sheet that had been left on the counter.

It could be a very nice house, but it obviously required a fair amount of work, which inevitably would turn out to be quite expensive. But it was in a very nice area and taking the opportunity while he was unlikely to be disturbed, Brian picked up the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Though the name was obviously familiar, Brian never made any connection until he opened the door to the still attractive blonde around fifty. Brian didn't really want to go to the Realtor, but when he'd called and inquired about the property they had on their list and said where he himself lived, there was no hesitation; the Realtor was quite happy to come to him.

Jennifer Taylor had all the information with her. She remembered Vic and Rodney viewing the house and thought the older of the two men had seemed familiar, but she'd been in a hurry and didn't have a lot of time for chit chat. She knew how taken they were with it, but had realized that with all the work needed, it was probably out of their price range. An independent survey had been carried out and structurally, the property was basically sound, but it required updating and decorating to taste. It was also ready for immediate possession and Brian had no hesitation: it was the least he could do.

Jennifer took down the details and then remembered, of course, seeing Vic at the diner one time. But still she had a feeling she knew him from elsewhere. With the bells still ringing in her head, Jennifer shook hands with Brian; leaving the man to arrange a bankers check for speedy payment.

It wasn't until a couple of days later when payment went through and she was able to notify Brian that the sale was confirmed that all the pieces started to fall together at last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jennifer wanted another chance to meet and hand delivered the paperwork instead of having it couriered over to Brian Kinney: the man her son was involved with. Of course she knew the name, though he wasn't quite how she'd pictured him and it wasn't just because of his association with Justin. She'd handled the sale of the loft three years before and though it had been Brian's name on the deed, it had been Vic who'd arranged the sale. And, as she was leaving, she saw her son's car draw up onto the driveway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Justin.”

“Mom ... what are you doing here?” asked Justin as he got out of the car and just coming back after his day at Kinnetik.

“You've saved me a phone call ... we need to talk,” his mother informed him and confused about her obvious anxiety, Justin took her up to his rooms over the garage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What the hell are you saying?” Justin asked her, running a hand through his hair.

“That you're mixed up with a man whose reputation is ... shall we say ... more than just a little unsavory,” and Jennifer paced the floor of Justin's living room.

“I thought I knew the name ... and then I realized I handled the sale of his loft in Pittsburgh a few years ago ... and I heard some pretty hair-raising stories I can tell you.”

“What sort of stories?” asked Justin, confused and bewildered.

“Well for a start ... that he might as well have had a revolving door fitted ... he must have had more visitors to that loft than Disney World ... every man I showed around the place ... and there was a lot of interest ... said he'd been there before.”

“So what?” asked Justin in Brian's defense.

“He's a sexual predator, Justin ... he had a different guy every day ... or should that be every night.” Justin shook his head; wanting his mother to be wrong.

“He uses them ... chews them up and spits them out ... he installed you in here ... and I can only guess what he expects in return ... until he gets bored with you ... and moves onto the next ...”

“That is out of line,” and even though it was his mother, Justin's voice was increasing in volume.

“And then there was his excessive drinking and drug taking ...”

“You have got no idea what Brian's like ... or how I ended up here ...” and he stopped, for Justin was still a little reluctant to inform his mom about Burrow's attack on him; he knew how much it would freak her out.

Though Vic had said how Brian had his pick, Justin hadn't thought he meant like this; that Brian had exploited guys, fucked them and then moved on without a thought for their feelings. He had to have been better than that, surely. But who was he going to try and convince, her or himself?

“If you must know ... I went after him ... not the other way around,” Justin stated, wanting his mother to think he had at least some control; some credence in his relationship with Brian and Jennifer harrumphed. She was determined to think the worst and then suddenly, Justin realized something.

“What brought you out here in any case?” he asked her. “That's confidential ... Brian ... Mr. Kinney actually engaged me in a professional capacity ... that's when I made the connection.”

“He's selling the house?” asked Justin, shocked, but Jennifer shook her head. “No ... buying one actually ... but that has no bearing on his relationship with you ...”

“Hold on.” Justin's mind was working overtime. “Brian is buying a house?” and Justin briefly closed his eyes.

“And I bet I know whose name is on the deed ... Vic Grassi ... am I right?”

“So?” asked Jennifer.

“Well ... shouldn't that tell you the sort of man Brian is ... at least now?”

“Who gives a fuck what he was like a few years ago?” demanded Justin, ignoring his mother’s obvious disappointment at his language towards her. But Justin's heart ached in his chest; trying to make excuses for the man he thought he knew.

“Vic wants to move in with his boyfriend ... they saw a house but knew they couldn't afford it ... so Brian's buying it for them.”

“Paying off one of his conquests?” asked Jennifer and Justin shook his head. “No ... it was never anything like that between them ... but Vic was a good friend when Brian needed one ... this is his way of saying thank you,” and Justin sighed and closed the distance between them.

“I hear what you're saying about Brian ... but that's all in the past ... that's not how he is with me,” stated Justin, willing his mother to believe him. “And yes ... I don't always understand him ... but I know he'd never deliberately hurt me,” and Justin took a deep breath; hoping his words were true.

“I love him, mom ... and I think he loves me ... can't you be happy for me?”

Jennifer briefly closed her eyes and then sighed. “I want to be ... but this man ... he's going to hurt you.”

Justin shook his head. “Something tells me Brian's the one who's suffered ... more hurt than he's letting on ... but I plan to change all that.”

Jennifer looked in her son's eyes and frowned. She could see by the expression on Justin's face how desperate he was for her to believe him. Maybe he was in love with Brian and that the man had feelings for him and Jennifer reached out and took Justin's hand.

“I hope he knows just how lucky he is ... having someone like you falling in love with him ... but if he ever hurts you ...” Justin shook his head; desperately holding on to his hopes for his and Brian's relationship.

“If ever you need a place to go ... you will call ... won't you?” she pleaded with him; looking directly into Justin's eyes and he smiled. “I will ... but you don't have to worry about me,” and Jennifer hugged her son before he walked her down to her car.

Brian was standing by the window. He'd seen Justin greet her and the likeness was so obvious that Jennifer Taylor just had to be his mother. But the dark expression on her face as they made their way together up to Justin's rooms worried him: just like the expression on Justin's face did now.

“Everything okay?” Brian asked Justin as the younger man came in the back door and he let out a huge sigh as he saw Justin's hesitation.

“Out with it ... I saw you talking to your mother.” Brian's heart was beating hard; he knew he wouldn't like this conversation and he saw Justin take a deep breath. Now Brian was scared shitless.

“Mom says she handled the sale of your loft a few years back.” Brian raised an eyebrow; all he'd done at the time was sign on the dotted line. It had been Vic who'd arranged everything. “Could be,” he answered. “I didn't exactly have a total grip on reality back then,” and Justin frowned.

“She said she'd heard some stories about you.” Brian nodded. “And they're probably all true.”

“What ... that you had more guys than uncle Sam ... that you used and abused them ... and that you drank like a fish and took drugs ...”

“Guilty as charged.”

Justin's heart was in his mouth. So those stories were true, but how on earth had Brian gone from party boy to recluse in such a short space of time? It had to have something to do with that damned accident.

But another thought crept into Justin's head; could he ever trust that the old Brian Kinney would never make a come-back? And though he couldn't care less how many guys Brian had slept with, could he too be cast aside without a second thought like all the rest? Would Brian tire of him eventually?

“I don't understand ... it's like you're two different people,” and Justin moved forward and put his hand on Brian's arm. “It's the accident ... isn't it? Something happened ...” and Justin could see by Brian's expression how worried and concerned he was to have it brought up and Brian closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“It was my fault ... I was driving when the car left the road and hit a tree.” Justin frowned. “But it sounds like you came off the worst ... Michael seems fine.”

“You've met Michael?” asked Brian and then he answered his own question. “Of course you have ... if you've been working at Kinnetik and know Ted and Emmett ... then you're bound to have met up with Mikey ... at the diner?” Justin nodded. “Then you met Debbie too?”

“Then I'm surprised they haven't already poisoned you against me ... and that you're even still here,” and Brian pulled away.

“Vic says ...” “Vic's been talking to you about the accident?” asked Brian turning back; angry and hurt that it would be discussed behind his back. “Only vaguely ... and only when I asked him.”

“He just said that Debbie hadn't forgiven you and that it was something best left alone.”

“But accidents happen all the time,” pointed out Justin. “What the fuck was so different about this one?”

“Why don't you go and ask them?” came back Brian and leaving Justin standing in the middle of the kitchen, Brian pulled down the shutters; suddenly feeling so very tired.

So what if he didn't get to tell Justin himself, he'd only hear the other version anyway; the version backed up by medical evidence. The evidence that clearly stated, however much Brian protested himself, that he was as high as a kite at the wheel of a car and nearly killed not only himself, but also his best friend: but only he had the scars to prove it.

So many people would shrug it off and not give a damn and, in fact, the old Brian probably would have. But this Brian was surprised to find that he cared; that he actually cared what the younger man thought of him and that their relationship could be over before it barely began.

- o O o -

Justin watched him leave. It wasn't just being reminded about the accident that was obviously making Brian angry and upset. Justin realized it was his references to Brian's past with other men. But then Justin asked himself, how important was it really? Surely, he should be more concerned with being the man in Brian's future; if he'd still have him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Allowing him a little time to cool off, Justin returned to his own rooms and took out the half-finished painting of Brian and Gus. It was coming along well and he studied it.

Brian was so confusing and Justin wondered whether Brian actually understood himself; the man was so full of contradictions. Even after he heard about Brian's past; how he'd discarded guys so easily: the way Brian was with him, from the outset, Justin was certain had been so different.

He'd told Brian he'd seen through his bullshit; that the man had said one thing when his eyes and body language were saying something totally different. And that just having his past brought up and made an issue had made Brian defensive and that he should go and tell him it didn't matter. That it should never have mattered in the first place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Going back into the house, Justin headed for the study; that's where Brian was bound to be, but instead, he found the room empty. He called out, but there was no answer and unable to find Brian inside, Justin headed out to the stables, where he found him leaning over the paddock railing talking quietly to Buttons. The man he didn't hear him approach.

“Brian ...” and he saw Brian blink. “You still here?” came the curt reply and slowly, Justin moved up to him and put a hand on Brian's arm, but the man pulled away and folded his arms on the top rail. Justin sighed.

“Why should I give a shit how many guys you slept with in the past?”

“You forgot the bit about using and abusing,” stated Brian coldly and without looking at him. “But you're right ... it's none of your fucking business how I used to live my life ... it still isn't.”

“I know ... I have absolutely no right to criticize you or condemn you ... but just tell me something ... I'm curious ... were you happy?”

Without being able to stop himself Brian sighed and then he closed his eyes and rested his chin on his forearms. Had he been happy? What sort of fucking question was that? At the time, he thought he was. Happy to screw anything that moved and never the same man twice; conducting his life with no apologies and no regrets and being accountable to no-one but himself. But, if he were genuinely honest with himself, he'd surely acknowledge just how empty and hollow an existence that actually was and that he'd spent too many years telling himself that's what he wanted.

Justin knew Brian well enough to realize that he wasn't going to admit, there and then, he hadn't been happy; learning that Brian would rather say nothing than actually lie. And, when the man didn't answer him, Justin moved closer again and put his hand on Brian's shoulder and this time, Brian didn't move away.

“None of it matters any more,” stated Justin, quietly. “The past is just that ... we've both been through stuff we'd rather not ... and we've come out the other side.”

“Maybe we're both different people now ... I'm sure I am,” and Justin sighed. “I love you, Brian Kinney ... and I think ... no ... I'm damn sure ... that you love me too,” and he saw Brian roll his lips into his mouth. Justin smiled.

“I know how hard this is for you ... but maybe ... in time ... you'll know that you can trust me ... and that no matter what ... I'll always be here,” and then Justin momentarily closed his eyes and he swallowed.

“And if it means you still need other guys ... that's okay too ... it won't mean a thing ... it won't change anything between us ... who you are ... just as long as you come home to me.”

Now it was Brian who closed his eyes. The only guys he'd seen in the years between the accident and Justin coming along were paid tricks; guys who'd told him how great he was and then took the money. And slowly, Brian opened his eyes and turned to face him.

Justin's beautiful blue eyes were now misty and Brian knew how much it took for the younger man to say he didn't care if Brian wanted to sleep with other men; that he could endure it if it made Brian happy and if it kept him coming back to him, if that’s what it took for him to still be the man he was.

Brian realized that for the first time in his life, he now knew for sure what he did want. He wanted Justin; someone who it seemed would love him unconditionally. Someone who would never put ties on him, but who would constantly challenge his thinking; stretch him and keep him alive.

And, because Justin had told him tried to reassure him that he wouldn't expect him to give up other men and change for him, that was precisely the reason why Brian knew he could: that he wouldn't need anyone else.

And though he couldn't go that extra mile and say the words just yet, Brian's eyes, hands and mouth said it for him as he drew Justin into his arms and kissed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Brian Kinney? God's gift to gay PA? Jeez hun ... are you sure it's THE Brian Kinney that Justin is mixed up with?”

“Could there be another?” asked Jennifer as she took a sip of her tea and Debbie chuckled. “No ... I doubt it.”

They were seated in Debbie's kitchen. Despite Justin's attempt to placate her, Jennifer still had grave misgivings over his relationship with Kinney and had sought the advice from the mother of another gay son.

“What do you think I should do?” Jennifer asked her and Debbie shrugged. “You've probably done all you can ... and that's let him know you'll be there to pick up the pieces.”

“Then you think he's going to hurt my son?” asked Jennifer and she sighed.

Debbie shrugged. “All I can say is that the Brian Kinney I knew fucked 'em ... if you'll excuse my French ... and then moved on ... no apologies and no regrets.”

“Everybody wanted him, but no one could have him ... so what's different about Justin?” Jennifer shrugged. “Justin says he thinks Brian loves him.”

Debbie snorted. “I'm afraid to say that I don't think Brian actually knows the meaning of the word ... except I'm hearing that he is a good dad to Gus,” she admitted, begrudgingly. “But I guess it's hardly surprising ... given Brian's upbringing,” and Debbie saw Jennifer's quizzical look.

“Jack Kinney ... Brian's dad ... was a little too handy with his fists ... if you catch my drift.”

“Brian grew up thinking he was unloved ... and it's true to say that Joanie ... his mom ... spent more time down at the church than she did caring for her family,” and Debbie couldn't resist smiling at the memory of a tall, skinny kid she used to know.

“I've known Brian since he was 14 ... and I doubt he's changed that much ... plenty of times he ended up on my doorstep 'cos things were rough at home ... I'd patch him up ... feed him and put him to bed.”

“His dad actually used to beat him up?” asked Jennifer, horrified, as most mothers would be, that this was allowed to happen and Debbie nodded. “But he was a strange kid ... never talked about his dad hitting him ... he just used to show up ... the bruises spoke for themselves ... I guess that's what made him how he is.”

“A user ... someone who doesn't care about other people's feelings,” stated Jennifer and she groaned. “Why oh why would Justin fall in love with someone like that?” she asked and Debbie smiled.

“Because he's Brian Kinney ... charming ... successful ... rich and quite a looker ... though since the accident I see he's grown a beard.”

“Accident?” asked Jennifer and Debbie nodded. “I used to think of myself as Brian's second mom ... though in actual fact ... I was probably his only mom.”

“But he caused an accident that could have killed my own son.” “How?” asked Jennifer, even more afraid about the man Justin was in love with.

“Well ... the authorities think that Michael was driving at the time ... but he wasn't ... Brian was.”

“They'd been to some party or other ... and Brian had insisted on driving back ... the car left the road.”

“Michael had a bad concussion ... broken ribs and it could have been a whole lot worse.”

“Turns out Brian had enough chemicals in his system ...”

“He was on drugs?” interrupted Jennifer, seeking confirmation of her worst fears and Debbie nodded.

“Michael could have been killed ... they both could ... and Brian was happy to let Michael take the rap.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin made him promise that he wouldn't be mad with Vic; that the man had only given out the vaguest of details and only when Justin had asked him directly and Brian smiled. “I promise,” he told him almost disbelieving his fortune: that someone like Justin, who cared so much about other people, would care for him.

And with things looking to be back on track with Justin, even though his words of commitment still wouldn't come, Brian felt they'd moved onto another level, but it was so strange. Would he ever be capable of being part of a couple? Taking someone else's wants and needs into account 24/7?

He'd thought about it years ago, before the accident, but hadn't been taken seriously. But Justin was so different; so willing to give. He made it easy. His love was so tangible, that Brian could feel it; taste it almost. It totally engulfed him. Encompassing but never smothering; giving him room to breathe and be himself, though Brian was beginning to wonder exactly what sort of man he now was.

Was he still the man who didn't believe in love? Who didn't believe in happy endings? How could he say that any more when Justin's love was so real and beginning to make him feel so complete? And all those doubts Justin had about Brian's previous life had seemingly been put away and out of mind with Justin concentrating on being the last man in Brian's life and not dwelling on his past.

And as for Justin, he knew they had a long way to go before Brian accepted they were a couple, but he had no doubts that in time he would get through to the man. He had faith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was one of the days when Justin was working and Brian had gone into the garage to fetch the car as Buttons was running out of feed. It was a nice crisp fall afternoon and it was only a short drive to the wholesalers, which was normally pretty quiet at this point in the day and something Brian didn't mind doing himself. But something cold and wet hit him on the shoulder and he looked up to discover that water was coming through the ceiling: there was obviously a burst pipe or something up in the rooms above.

Shit. The water was coming from Justin's rooms: room‘s containing the younger man‘s artwork and rushing back into the house, Brian collected the spare key before heading back out to the garage.

The leak was from under the sink in the kitchen, but thankfully hadn't yet spread to the living area, where some of Justin's artwork was sitting on the floor, though it must have been happening now for a little while and phoning Vic, Brian got from him the number of the plumber they normally used and put in a call.

The guy was busy, but offering him three times the normal going rate got him there within the hour. The carpet was pulled back and sink dismantled, allowing the offending joint to be identified and repaired. The job itself wasn't particularly difficult, but it would take a few days for everything to dry out and there was going to be a bit of plastering needed to the garage ceiling. But it was while Brian was making sure there was no other damage to the accommodation that he came across something just so beautiful, it made his heart miss a beat and his mouth go dry.

In the corner of the living room and under a dust sheet was a picture that Justin was obviously working on and unable to resist, Brian carefully pulled back the cloth to take a look. It was the portrait of Brian and Gus.

It wasn't quite finished, but even Brian could see the love that passed between father and son and he rolled his lips into his mouth and stared at the painting in awe. Justin's talent for bringing out the emotions of his subjects were incredible; you could stretch out your hand and almost touch it, it was so real.

Brian sighed. Justin's talents were going to waste. He really should get better exposure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin groaned when he walked into the diner during his lunch break a few days later to eat and collect the take out that Ted had asked him to get and saw his mother sitting in a booth talking to Debbie. Jennifer spotted him right away: almost like she'd been looking out for him.

“Justin ... I hope you're not thinking of walking out on me.” But in actual fact, that thought had crossed his mind. They'd barely spoken since she'd come to the house and he was sure she would still be trying to talk him out of his relationship with Brian and then Vic walked in behind him and patted his shoulder in greeting as he passed him by; an action that didn't get past Debbie.

“What's this all about, Sis ... it sounded urgent,” asked Vic and he slid into the booth beside her.

“It is ... we have to stop Justin making the biggest mistake of his life ... and I also want to know why you didn't tell me about it,” Debbie stated and Vic frowned as he looked up at the young man, standing at the end of the table, before addressing her.

“I didn't tell you because it's none of your damn business,” stated Vic. It wasn't often that his sister made him this mad, but she had such a bee in her bonnet about Brian these days.

“Is that what you brought me down here for ... so you could put the boot into Brian?” asked Vic, shaking his head. Ignoring him completely, Debbie aimed her question directly at Justin.

“Has Brian ever told you anything about the accident?” she asked him. “Well ... only that he was with Michael and that they both ended up in the hospital ... and I know that everyone seems to blame Brian,” answered the young man, a little nervously.

“Debbie,” said Vic firmly and obviously warning her off. “Don't you think it's up to Brian? ... It is his business after all.”

“But he's sleeping with my son ... and I think Justin has every right to know exactly what sort of man Brian Kinney is,” stated Jennifer and Justin frowned. Why did it seem that everyone was so intent on bad-mouthing Brian all the time. Though he knew who he should really be talking to about the accident, Justin closed his eyes and sighed and then slid into the booth beside his mother; perhaps if he just heard her out that would be the end of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vic tried his best to counter Debbie's arguments against Brian by pointing out things that Brian had done for his friends in the past; things that both Justin and Jennifer had to admit, they thought were pretty amazing and Vic didn't even know yet about the house. That was something that Justin knew he couldn't bring up as it should be between Brian and Vic only and, thankfully, it would seem his mother hadn't compromised her professional integrity by mentioning it either.

But certain things just couldn't be denied: Brian's drinking and drug taking and his history with guys and the fact that the evidence showed that he was on drugs at the time of the accident.

“Brian nearly killed my son ... and then he let Michael take the rap for something he did,” stated Debbie firmly and Vic had sighed and sat back in his seat; he didn't have any argument to offer in Brian's defense this time.

“If you don't believe me ... ask Michael,” was Debbie's parting shot and Justin had looked around the group. “All right ... I will,” he stated and forgetting lunch and getting the address for the comic book store from Debbie, Justin set off; never giving going back to work that afternoon a second thought. He had to get this cleared up once and for all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello, Justin ... what brings you here? I didn't realize you were into comics,” stated Michael as Justin entered the store.

“I'm not ... not really,” stated the younger man and he absentmindedly picked up a Superman comic from the shelf and then he put it back without really looking at it.

Michael studied him. “Okay ... what's on your mind?” he asked him and Justin looked at him before replying.

“Brian Kinney ... you were his friend?” asked Justin and he saw the man blink and then frown. “Brian ... what about him? I haven't seen him in years,” stated Michael, coming around the counter and he took a stack of comics from a box and put them on the shelf.

“We're ... we're together,” Justin answered him.

Michael chuckled as he tidied his stock. “What do you mean ... like a couple?”

“Well ... maybe ... maybe not a real couple ... not yet ... but we will be,” Justin stated, though the odd nagging doubt had started to creep back in. Michael shook his head as he turned back to face him. “No way ... the Brian Kinney I know would never become part of a couple.”

“Why? Why is that so difficult to believe?” asked Justin, exasperated at everyone's opinion of Brian as a perpetual bachelor.

“Brian Kinney? ... Are you kidding me? Mr. I-don't-believe-in-love-and-never-fuck-the-same-guy-twice?”

“Are you sure we're talking about the same Brian Kinney?” asked Michael.

“Brian Kinney ... the screen-writer ... lives out in West Virginia,” stated Justin, though he was sure Michael knew exactly who he was talking about.

“And founder and CEO of Kinnetik Advertising ... not that he's put in an appearance for years.”

“What?” asked Justin, feeling like he'd been hit by a sledgehammer.

“Well ... you should know ... aren't you working there ... with Ted?”

And suddenly, Brian's words came back to Justin; something he hadn't realized the significance of at the time. ‘You've met Michael ... of course you have ... if you've been working at Kinnetik and know Ted and Emmett ..’ and Justin closed his eyes.

“Kinnetik is Brian's company,” said Justin quietly, making a statement rather than asking a question.

“Sure,” replied Michael. “Kinney ... Kinnetik ... don't tell me you never made the connection? I'm surprised Brian didn't tell you,” but Justin shook his head. No, he hadn't made the connection and Brian had made no mention that Kinnetik was his brainchild. So maybe there were other things Brian hadn't told him either.

“Tell me about the accident,” asked Justin; his heart heavy and dreading what was to come.

“Oh ... so you know about that?

“Mostly from what other people have told me ... and that isn't much ... but I need to know.” Justin had thought the accident was just a part of Brian's past that could be forgotten, but now he realized it must have been a turning point for the man and something so serious it had completely changed his life around.

Michael looked at him and could see how confused and bewildered Justin looked. He always seemed like a decent guy and if he did genuinely believe himself to be in a relationship with Brian, then perhaps he ought to know what happened and going over to the front door, Michael put the sign round to read 'CLOSED'. “There ... we won't get disturbed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael put on some coffee and he and Justin sat on the chairs at the back of the shop.

“We were up state at a comic book convention,” explained Michael. “I was giving a talk on gay comic book heroes and asked Brian to go with me,” and he handed Justin a mug and sat down beside him.

“Brian didn't want to go with me to start with … and bitched all the way there.”

“It was cold ... it was a long journey and he wouldn't let me share the driving ... though I did offer ... but I just think he didn't want anyone else getting their hands on his baby,” and he took a sip of his own drink and saw Justin raise an eyebrow.

“Brian had this ‘vette ... a classic,” explained Michael. “And no one else dared breathe on it,” and Justin smiled weakly as Michael continued.

“He got drunk the first night at dinner and I had to put him to bed ... and then he was late coming down to hear me give my speech.”

“'Course he didn't stay long ... he caught the eye of this cute guy and disappeared out to the men's room,” smirked Michael at the recollection and Justin looked down into his coffee mug.

“Turns out the guy he fucked was in a similar line of business ... and he asked Brian if he'd like to go to a party at one of his client's houses out of town ... I think Brian was hoping to drum up some contacts for Kinnetik as well as getting laid.”

“Anyhow ... I didn't wanna go ... I was already with Ben ... I didn't need to score ... but Brian insisted ... just like old times,” and Justin heard the obvious sarcasm in Michael's voice.

“What do you mean?” he asked, looking up at him.

“We had this system worked out ... well ... it worked out for Brian any how,” revealed Michael.

“And that is he'd spend the evening partying and then when it came time to get home ... I always drove him ... he generally wasn't capable,” and Michael took another swallow of his drink.

“So ... anyhow ... we get to the party and like a good little boy ... Michael sticks to Pepsi ... while Brian gets taken away by the host.”

“I found Brian a little while later ... three guys with him ... all of them having the time of their lives ... leaving me to wait for when he was ready to leave.”

“Then ... when he was finally ready to go ... telling me he'd fucked everyone worth having ... he nearly got into a fight with a guy who just bumped into him ... I had to stop him from following the guy.”

“And when we get back to the car ... I tried to get his keys off him and get him to let me drive, but he wouldn't let me ... he said he was okay,” and Michael snorted. “Sure he was okay ... a mile down the road and he winds down the window ... it was fucking freezing ... but he must have been starting to overheat or something.”

“And then the ‘vette swerved and so I asked him if he was okay ... but he didn't answer me ... and when the vette swerved again I was terrified ... I yelled at him ... and asked him what he was on.”

“He looked like he was about to pass out ... so I tried grabbing the wheel ... but it was too late ... the car hit the curb and then a tree ... fucking amazing we both weren't killed.”

“I think I might have passed out ... just for a moment ... and when I came to ... Brian looked pretty bad.”

“I knew he must have been on something ... the road was clear ... and the conditions were good ...there was no reason at all why he should lose control otherwise.”

“Anyhow ... my ribs were killing me ... but I managed to get around to the other side of the car and yank the door open ... I then got him into the passenger seat and got behind the wheel ... so that it looked like I was driving ... and that's how the emergency services found us.”

“I knew that once they checked Brian out ... there was bound to be something that would show up in his system ... he could lose his license ... his business ... maybe even go to jail ... but if they thought it was me driving ... it would just go down as an accident.”

“And he never said anything ... he just let you take the blame?” asked Justin and Michael shrugged.

Justin sighed. “Was he always such a ... a ...”

“Selfish asshole?” offered Michael and Justin closed his eyes. So, it seemed like those stories about how Brian used guys; even his best friend, were true. Even when it sounded like that friend could have saved his life, if not his reputation, his business and maybe even his freedom.

“Pretty much,” came back the reply.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Brian noticed a difference in Justin's attitude towards him over the next few days, he didn't mention it, but he certainly felt it.

Slowly, it felt like Justin was moving away when Brian reached for him: not obviously, but just managing to avoid his touch and his kisses. And the man couldn't work out why or whether he was just imagining it. And then when Justin said he had some painting he wanted to do and didn't come to bed that night, Brian knew for sure it wasn't his imagination.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin sat staring at the painting of Brian and Gus for what must have been hours. How could he ever think he was in love with this man; a man who'd used guys and even a friend so callously in order to escape punishment? It made him feel like he wanted to throw up.

It looked like Brian had deliberately allowed his friend to take responsibility for the accident in order to escape possible criminal charges for something he was accountable for: deliberately getting behind the wheel of a car when he was high on god knows what and almost killing his best friend. No wonder his family and friends didn't want anything to do with him, except for Vic, something that Justin didn't now understand having got to know just how honest and straightforward that man was.

At least Hobbs had been given some sort of penance by the law, even if it had only been community service for the assault that almost killed Justin. An act that could so easily have left him like a vegetable; suffering months of depression and nightmares and leaving a hurt that had never completely gone away. It had almost taken from him the very thing that made him who he was: his art. But an assault which had sentenced him to a lifetime of headaches and not a little self-doubt. And then Justin frowned to himself as he remembered the doubts he'd voiced and that Brian had tried to dissuade him from when he told him he should have faith in himself.

Justin groaned. Who the fuck was the real Brian Kinney? The selfish, dishonest asshole he'd once been or the man that Justin now thought he was? Could Brian really have changed?

He knew he couldn't face him tonight and Justin suddenly didn't even have the energy to try. He couldn't look at Brian and see the hurt as the man wondered what it was he'd done and with his place now all dried out, Justin went to bed in his own rooms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neither man slept much that night; both pacing their respective bedrooms and both so alone and lonely for each other. Brian was so confused and wondering why, after finally starting to open himself up, that Justin was pulling way from him and Justin knowing he had to face Brian with the truth and that if he was as dishonest as it would appear, that there could be no place for Brian in his life. And, just around daybreak, Justin looked out the rear window of his living room to see the light on in the kitchen in the house: Brian was up and there was no time like the present.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian was showered and dressed and watching the sunrise from the kitchen window when he heard Justin let himself in through the back door and he turned to face him and then indicated the coffee pot.

“Do you want some?” he asked him and before Justin had a chance to answer, Brian reached up into the cupboard for another mug. Justin sighed.

“Aren't you gonna ask me why I didn't come back last night?” he asked him, but Brian merely shrugged and then handed him his coffee.

“I guess you'll tell me in your own time,” came the answer and Justin closed his eyes. “Don't you care ... care enough to even ask me ... show the slightest interest?”

“Would you give a shit if I did?” answered Brian and now Justin stared at him. “Yes ... I would ... anything that gives me any indication that you have feelings too,” but Brian looked away; still unable to tell him how he really felt and how scared he now was.

Justin looked down into his coffee mug before speaking. “I went to see Michael yesterday,” he stated eventually and looking up, he saw Brian close his eyes. “He told me about the accident.”

“Good ol' Mikey ... always could rely on him to tell it like it was,” stated Brian and Justin wasn't sure, but he thought he heard the faintest note of sarcasm in his voice and then Brian sighed.

“And I guess if you didn't come to our bedroom last night ... you've already made up your mind about it,” and without looking at Justin, Brian turned around and walked from the room and out into the hallway.

“Brian.”

Justin put down his mug and followed him. His heart had leaped into his mouth as he heard Brian refer to 'our bedroom'. Was the man trying to tell him that he thought they were together? A couple maybe?

“Don't you want to tell me your side?” asked Justin, desperate to find a reason why they should still be together.

“What the fuck for? You've already cast me as the bad guy ... I wouldn't want to disappoint you,” and Brian turned back to face him.

“You're not going to hear me beg for forgiveness, Justin ... I'm not going to throw myself at your feet and plead for mercy.”

“I wouldn't want you to,” stated Justin firmly. “But an explanation might be good ... it just doesn't sound like the Brian Kinney I thought I knew,” and now Brian stared at him and then turned away again and moved into the living room, where he crossed the floor to stand in front of the fireplace.

“I'm not the Brian Kinney you think you know ... fuck ... I'm not even the Brian Kinney I thought I knew any more,” chuckled the man, mostly to himself and he sighed and turned his back on Justin: unable to face him. “The stories you heard ... the drinking ... the drug taking ... the guys ... all true.”

“Why ... why did you live like that ... you practically admitted you weren't happy,” stated Justin, trying to understand the man. “I didn't know any different,” answered Brian, truthfully.

“I never thought I needed any one man ... someone special in my life.”

“I didn't believe in love,” and Brian shook his head and closed his eyes.

“What about now ... do you believe in love now?” challenged Justin and he went to stand alongside him. The younger man was so close and Brian so wanted to reach out and touch him, but he couldn't: he could only sigh.

Justin's heart went out to this man who struggled so much to reveal his feelings and who was scared of facing him in case Justin saw the fear in his eyes. Fear of admitting that maybe, deep down, he longed to love and be loved like anyone else. For Brian had started to accept that Justin loved him, only for the young man to pull away when faced with the truth of his actions.

Having started this, Justin needed to know how it would end; whether he could find some mitigating circumstances in Brian's actions that would keep him hanging on to a thread of hope for their relationship.

“And the accident ... is it true you were out of your skull on drugs ... and let Michael take the blame?”

“Is that what he told you?” asked Brian, looking at him and he frowned. “I suppose that is what happened.”

“Well ... wasn't it?” asked Justin and Brian shrugged. “When I woke up in the hospital ... Michael was there ... saying he was glad he hadn't killed me ... I didn't understand what he was saying to start with ... I was so sure I'd been driving.”

“But then I realized what he was doing ... that he was taking the blame ... saying it was him who'd been driving when the accident happened ... not me.”

“Then when I heard the results of my blood test ... I realized why.”

“Then ... you didn't ask him to lie for you?” frowned Justin, trying to make sense of it all and Brian shook his head. “But the time I realized what he'd done it was too late ... I couldn't say anything,” and he saw Justin's questioning look.

“Not only would Michael get into trouble for making a false report ... he and Ben were trying to adopt their foster-kid, Hunter ... I don't think the courts would have looked very favorably on Michael lying to the authorities ... do you?” Brian asked him and Justin frowned again.

“But what about the drugs ... you were high?”

“Would you believe me if I told you otherwise?” asked Brian looking away and Justin took him by the elbow and swung the man around to face him properly. “I've known you long enough to realize you would rather say nothing than lie to me ... so ... what are you saying ... that you weren't high?”

Brian sighed. “I had one drink ... nothing else ... I said it at the time and I'm saying it now,” and Justin shrugged and turned away. “Now you don't believe me?” asked Brian and the younger man turned back and searched his face: looking for the truth. Or was Brian lying even to him?

Brian saw the doubt in Justin's eyes and his heart sank. If only he could make him understand.

“Michael was my best friend ... since we were 14,” stated Brian. “He was always there for me ... we were there for each other ... do you really think I would have put his life at risk if I didn't think I should drive?”

“Well ...” stated Justin, slowly, his mind working overtime. “What ... what is it?” asked Brian, seeing the younger man's frown and Justin scratched behind his ear.

“Michael did say you used to have this system worked out ...” and he looked up at Brian. “He said that you would usually spend the evening partying … and then when it came time to get home ... that Michael always drove you ... because usually you weren't capable.”

Brian smiled. “I'm ashamed to say that's true.”

“Well ... then why didn't you let Michael drive you back that night?” asked Justin. “Unless it was because you truly believed you were capable,” and Justin looked up at Brian and saw the glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Then ... you believe me?” asked Brian, his heart pounding and he held Justin's gaze; proud hazel-eyes telling Justin this was the truth as Brian believed it to be.

Brian could hear his own heart beat; like the ticking of a clock and it seemed like hours before Justin finally replied. The younger man smiled.

“I believe you,” and he saw Brian swallow and now those hazel eyes flecked with gold misted over. “I believe that's what you truly believe ... that you had one drink and nothing else ... and that's what really matters,” he reassured him quietly and feeling a huge weight lifting from his heart, Brian reached for him and held him; Justin on tiptoes, enabling him to rest his chin on Brian's shoulder as they clung to each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin took Brian's hand and led him upstairs; they had a night to catch up on and he never wanted to be parted from Brian again.

And this time more than any other, Justin felt Brian give of himself totally. How could he not?

Brian hardly dared hope that Justin would believe him. But when he told him he did and he could see it in the blond's eyes, how could he ever doubt Justin's love again?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why didn't you tell me about Kinnetik?” Justin asked him and Brian smiled. “I couldn't believe you didn't make the connection,” he chuckled and Justin returned his smile and Brian sighed.

“It was just easier not to ... it meant I didn't have to give any explanation why I wasn't there any more ... it doesn't sound like anyone's missed me,” he snorted.

“Don't sell yourself short ... the company has a brilliant reputation ... You were obviously a damn good influence ... Cynthia and Ted are doing a great job.”

“Well ... Ted always did want to be me,” Brian chuckled and Justin grinned at the first self-praise he'd heard Brian utter and then saw the man's expression fall and only guessing what was going on in the man's head: that he'd worked so damned hard establishing Kinnetik and now didn't take any of the credit.

Justin frowned. There were still a few things he didn't understand. “After the accident ... why did you shut yourself away ... practically admitting you were at fault?” asked Justin, sitting naked alongside him on the bed and Brian shrugged. “Everyone had already made their minds up ... I was drugged-up and Michael lied to save my ass ... either way I was fucked.”

“It was either I'd nearly killed Michael ... or I spoke out and probably cost Michael and Ben their chance to adopt Hunter ... they would have hated me either way.”

“But this way ... Michael got to adopt Hunter,” stated Justin. “The stupid asshole ...”

Brian shrugged. “He thought he was protecting me ... when instead he ...” “He ruined your fucking life,” offered Justin, but Brian shook his head. “I think I was probably doing a good job at that all by myself ... to be honest ... I had probably driven home loads of times when I shouldn't have ... I'm lucky it didn't happen before,” and Justin saw Brian's eyes cloud over and heard his voice shake.

“When I think of all the heavy nights I had ... and then had Gus with me in the car the next day ... that shit could still have been in my system ... it could have been Gus I'd put at risk ... I could have killed my son.”

“So instead you shut yourself away ... from everyone … and became some hermit?” asked Justin. “What the fuck was that for?”

“My punishment ... for all the times I'd been so fucking stupid ... and to try and make sense of it all.”

“I had to believe what the medical reports said at the time of the accident ... that despite the fact I was so sure I'd only had one drink and had taken nothing else ... that there was so much shit in my system ... it had to be true ... how could I deny it?”

“Besides,” and Brian's fingers went automatically to the scars along his jawline and he looked down.

“What?” frowned Justin.

Silently, Brian got up off the bed and padded over to the dresser, where he picked up the photograph of himself holding baby Gus.

“Who would want me?” and Brian stood looking at the beautiful man he'd once been.

Justin slid off the bed and crossed the floor to join him and he put his hand on Brian's arm. “Are you kidding me? You just want to hear me say how hot you are ... right?” and Justin saw Brian blink in puzzlement.

“You really think you're not?” Justin asked him in amazement, but the accident and scarring obviously had dented Brian's pride and self-esteem immeasurably and he turned Brian around to face him.

“Brian Kinney ... you have got to be the hottest guy I have ever known,” Justin reassured him, quietly and, despite all the doubts he'd had, Brian knew Justin meant it.

To be continued.