Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

Mikey's outta his coma and brian shares his past cancer with justin.

BEN’S POV

It had been three days and now Ben was heading down to Brian’s room. He had spoken to Michael’s doctor and it looked like Michael was waking up. That made him happy because he was going crazy but Brian was livening things up. He did the right thing and he had kept Brian’s secret. As of now no one knows that Brian has cancer. Hell to be honest I can’t believe it myself, and would you believe that it’s made him nicer. He doesn’t talk much though. He’s supposed to rest his voice and soon he’ll be meeting with a new speech professional who’ll help him adjust to his new voice and way of life. So Brian and I have been having fun playing "Pictionary" and "Scrabble" - games that don’t take much talking and I was surprised to find out that Brian can actually draw. Should’ve figured since he is an adman. Anyways it’s noon and Justin is going out for lunch and I’m going sit with Brian.

I walk around the corner to where Brian is being set up for his Chemo. A patient is allowed to have up to two people sit with him and I guess I’ll sit with him and Justin will when he returns. Across from Brian is a little girl. She’s bald and drifting off to sleep, her mother is beside her crying. The sight of that makes me annoyed. Why would a woman cry like that in front of her daughter? I turn to look at Brian and apparently it’s getting to him as well.

"Hey Justin. Sorry I’m late."

"It’s fine Ben. What did the doctor say about Michael?"

"Oh, he said that he should be coming around in a few days. How are you today, Brian?"

"Fine." was Brian’s one-word answer.

Ben looked at Justin with concern.

"Today has been sort of hard on Brian. He found out he has a new speech therapist. He’s supposed to rest his voice and try not to talk so now he’s being quiet."

"Oh well, I’ll make sure he doesn’t talk much. You go have your lunch."

"Okay. I’ll be back, Brian. I love you."

"Yeah whatever" Brian mumbled.

JENNIFER’S POV

Jennifer Taylor sat in Debbie’s kitchen as she went on and on about Brian. Each time Debbie said something hurtful she wanted to call the woman out. Maybe she could smooth things over with a lie, maybe make it a little better.

"Can you believe Jen that he pretends to be my boy’s best friend and doesn’t even come home when there’s an accident?"

"Deb, I talked to Justin and he said that Brian has been trying to get away but can’t. It’s all about his work, and you know that Brian would be here if he could. This is Michael."

"I just don’t know about him sometimes. He puts everyone on the back burner when it comes to his job. When will he realize that material things aren’t important?"

"I’m sure he’s coming to that realization right now."

"What’s with you, honey? Is there something wrong with Justin or Molly? You seem stressed?"

"I have this friend who’s sick but she doesn’t want her friends to know."

"A friend? My god, Jen. Are you okay?"

"I’m fine Deb. As I said, a friend and she doesn’t want her family to know but I think that her family knowing could be the best thing."

"What’s wrong with her?"

"She has cancer. She doesn’t want anyone to see her down when she is normally such a strong and powerful woman."

"That’s a shame. Do you want my advice on this?"

"Yes please."

"Family is important and you must do whatever you can to reunite this woman with her family. She’s sick and at a time like that is when she needs her family the most."

"Thanks Deb. Are you on your way to see Michael?"

"Yeah. In the afternoon the whole gang likes to meet and sit in his room. I guess I should give Brian the benefit of the doubt. He did arrange for Michael to have a private room."

"Okay, I guess I should be going as well."

Ben and Justin sat on either side of Brian as he got his Chemo. He hadn’t said anything in a while and they figured he just wanted to rest, but they were concerned at him staring at the woman across from them giving her death looks. Her daughter got up to go to the rest room and they were both shocked when Brian opened his mouth.

"You really need to stop that!"

"I beg your pardon, sir."

"What you’re doing to Jamie is not right."

"I wasn’t aware that you knew my daughter’s name."

"We come in here every day and get pumped with poison together. Sometimes when you go and have your lunch we talk. You shouldn’t do that in front of her."

"I’m trying but it’s hard. She has Leukemia and they say she’s not responding well. I just don’t know what I’ll do if she dies."

"She won’t die! You act as if she is already dead!"

"Brian, be quiet. You are to rest your voice."

"No, Justin. She needs to hear this."

"You act as if she’s already dead. She told me that you used to come and you would talk about the future and things that you’d do when she was better but you’ve stopped doing that now. She says you think she’s going to die. She cries because you cry. She’s given up because you’ve given up!"

"Brian, is it? I know that you feel that you have the right to comment because you’re going through something similar but you have no idea what’s going on so maybe you should just keep your mouth shut!"

"I do know what’s she’s going through! When I was twelve I was her!"

"Brian, keep your voice down! What?"

"Justin when I was twelve I was in the yard with my dad and he hit me. Not that he hadn’t hit me before. He hit me all the time. That’s what abusive bastards do but this was different. He hadn’t hit me very hard and my nose began to bleed. I had already prepared myself for the next blow but he did something that he had never done before."

"What Brian?" asked Justin.

"He hugged me and he was so scared. The next thing I know we were off to the hospital and this was something I never expected. I mean there were so many bruises on my body that had been put there by his fists that I thought he’d be scared that DCF would take me away but he wasn’t and that’s when I was diagnosed with Leukemia."

"What? This is the second time, Brian? Why didn’t you tell me?"

"Because I didn’t want to see that look on your face but that’s not the point. The point I’m making is that Jamie is a little girl and her mom has given up on her. My dad gave up on me and he gave me the best year of my life. He loved me for the first time in his life, but I didn’t know he wanted me dead.

"What are you talking about, Brian?"

"Justin, I’m trying to talk to Jamie’s mom and it’s getting sort of hard so could you just be quiet."

"Anyway, I stopped responding to treatment. I wanted to die because I had a shitty father who liked to beat me. But he changed. He was loving and caring and did things for me he’d never done. That made me want to get better for him and it made me do whatever the doctors asked of me. Jamie has given up. Why should she try to get better for a mother who doesn’t want her? Get over yourself and be a parent, damn it!"

"But look at yourself, it came back."

"Right. It came back twenty years later. I’m successful at my job. I have a partner who loves me and a son. I’ve had a life and I’m going to beat this again for them. I-I-…."

"Brian. It’s okay. Just stop and breathe. Take it easy. Lie back and close your mouth."

"I’m sorry Ms?"

"It’s Pamela, Pamela Mulligan and you know I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m sorry I upset your father."

Justin couldn’t help but laugh. Obviously the woman assumed that he was the son and Ben was the partner.

"It’s quite alright, but Brian’s not my father he’s my lover. Our son is about two years old."

"Oh I’m sorry. You just look so young."

"Thank you, and I am but not young enough to have him as my father."

"He seems to have drifted off. He does that a lot."

"Yeah, it’s a side effect from the chemo. It makes him tired but at least he’s not in pain."

"His voice is strange. Where did he have the cancer?"

"In the throat. They rebuilt his vocal chords. His new voice will be unique but I don’t care if he can’t talk. I’ll still love him."

Ben could see the love that Justin had for Brian as he sat there and stroked his hair and adjusted the blanket that he just put over him. Brian lay there with his mouth open and you could hear the wheeze of his deviated septum. He was at peace. It reminded him of Michael and he decided to go back down and see him.

HUNTER’S POV

Hunter stood outside the room of the man called Ander. It bothered him how much he looked like Ben. He asked around and they said that he had cancer. His name wasn’t Bruckner though, but that meant absolutely nothing, really. He wanted to know, he needed answers. He held the copy of today’s paper in his hand, took a deep breath and entered the room.

"Here’s the paper. They told me you like to read the sports page."

"Thanks, you’re very kind."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure kid, you can ask me anything?"

"Are you Benjamin Bruckner’s dad?"

Ander couldn’t believe that the kid had said Ben’s name. He didn’t appear to know him in any way. He looked at the kid closely and there was no family resemblance so how in the hell did he know who Ben was. Maybe he could get this kid to bring him Ben since it didn’t seem like Peta was going too.

"Yeah kid, Ben’s my son. How do you know him?"

"Well I guess you can say that he’s kind of my dad."

Peta sat at her desk thinking about her life. Everything was different now. Her son was madly in love with a man who was now in a coma. She had been thinking of so many ways to break them up when she should have been pushing them together. It was true what they said, Ander was so right. She was being a fool. How could she deny her son the man he loved? How could she make it seem like what he wanted was so wrong? How could she be that kind of mother? She made a note to Max Abrams in Brian’s chart and left her office to find her son and tell him about his father.

MICHAEL’S POV

Michael felt the bed under him before anything else came to mind. He remembered that he was in the car with Justin and then he had told him that Brian had cancer. That car had come out of nowhere and then…..

"Ben?"

Ben couldn’t believe his eyes. He looked up and his Michael was looking right back at him.

"Michael baby, I’m here. How do you feel?"

"A little numb but fine. Is Justin okay?"

"He’s fine. He broke his arm but you protected him from flying through the windshield."

"That’s good."

"I’m going to get the doctor, okay. You’ve been sleeping a couple of days."

"I’m just gonna rest my eyes."

Ben didn’t know what to say. A part of him didn’t want Michael to go back to sleep but he had already drifted off. He needed to tell someone about the change in his condition but had he really woken up? He moved closer and whispered.

"Michael?"

"Hmm?"

"Nothing. You rest I’m gonna go and get the doctor."

BRIAN’S POV

Brian woke with a start. The nightmares were becoming a bitch! This time he was at his own funeral and no one was there - only Justin who sat in a pew and cried by himself while everyone else carried on with their lives because Brian wouldn’t let him tell anyone. Then when it was over Justin went home alone and killed himself in the shower. He must have been breathing pretty hard ‘cause he felt a familiar hand around his shoulders.

"Claire?"

"Yeah it’s me. Do you want me to turn on the light?"

"No!"

Claire had to make a note that her brother enjoyed sitting in the dark a lot now, and that wasn’t good. He was becoming depressed but he was good at hiding it from Justin, but not from her. She knew him too damn well.

"You’ve slept through a lot of excitement."

"What?"

"Michael Novotny woke up."

Brian didn’t think that she could see it but she did. He smiled but then he grabbed his throat remembering that Justin had told him. He was going to be afraid to go see him even though there was no place he’d rather be. She was tired of the games her brother played and he’d be going home soon and it was time his "family" knew. He needed them.

"He won’t care you know."

"Fuck off!"

"You know I would if I actually thought that was what you wanted." She said climbing in bed with Brian.

"Where’s Jus?" Brian said. He hated that sometimes his voice still betrayed him.

"He went to get the two of you some dinner. You slept a lot today. You didn’t even wake when they brought you back to your room or moved you to the bed."

"Tired of being here."

"You’ll be leaving in the next couple of days, and then Max will be coming by to help you with your speech."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So things are looking up. Are you going to go down and see Michael?"

"No!"

"Come on Brian, you should and you know you want to."

"Can’t let him see me like ‘dis"

"You let him see the things that daddy…." Claire trailed off.

"That was different."

"Exactly but he won’t mind. He knows now."

"Leave me alone!"

"Fine, but I’ll be back in an hour to help you get dressed for the night. When he brings the food tonight, try and eat it."

"I’ll see you later. I love you."

"Yeah me too."

Debbie knew she must’ve kissed Michael over a hundred times by now. She was just happy that her boy was awake. She was thrilled that there was nothing physically wrong with him besides the ribs and a couple of bumps. They were going to keep him a couple of more days and then he would be going home. Debbie had already told him that she would be moving in with him and Ben for a while until he got back on his feet. He didn’t need her but he didn’t dare tell her that.

"Ma, I need to talk to you a second about Brian."

"I don’t want to talk about that little asshole. He got you this nice room but does he show his face? No! I remember the many times I patched him up after his dad laid it on him good, but does he come see my boy in the hospital? No, he doesn’t even call."

"Ma there’s something you should----"

"Don’t you dare try and make excuses for him!" Debbie screamed cutting off Michael’s thoughts.

"Now it’s late. You get some rest and I’m going to go home but I’ll be back first thing in the morning."

"Okay." Michael said. He knew when he was beaten.

Peta was tired and all she wanted to do was crawl in her bed and order some take-out and wait for Ben to get there so she could tell him about Ander. She was so thrilled that Michael had woken up for two reasons. The first was obvious. He needed to because her son needed him and secondly it prolonged the relationship she knew was going to end as soon as she told her son the truth about his father. Then she would have to make a call to Eric and tell him as well. Eric was busy so maybe she wouldn’t be able to contact him for a couple of months. It felt good that she might still be able to hang on to the relationship with at least one of her children for a while. She walked into the apartment and came face to face with a very angry-looking Hunter.

"Jesus! Hunter you scared me."

"I met someone very interesting at the hospice today."

Peta could feel her heart rate go up.

"Really who?"

"I guess you could call him my grandfather which is funny because Ben told me his dad was dead."

"Hunter. You didn’t tell him, did you!" she screamed.

"Of course not, he’s been worried about Michael. I didn’t want to give him the shock of his life. You have to because things are not looking good for Ander."

"What happened?"

"He was put in the hospital earlier. Do you have any idea what time Ben’s coming home? I’m starved."

"Oh sweetie, no one called you?"

"No, what? Did something happen to Michael?"

"Yeah he’s awake."

Brian opened his eyes and was shocked when he saw the sun was coming up. He had been sleeping a lot lately and that bothered him. His body was losing that tone that he was used to. Mind you, he was still bulky but none of that mattered when he felt like shit. He ran his hand through his hair. It was really short but it was still there. He hadn’t had so little hair since he was about seven but at least it was enough to run your fingers through. He yawned to himself and then he felt a familiar hand in his. He couldn’t help but smile.

"Hi."

"Good morning, handsome. How do you feel? Are you ready to spend a whole day with me?"

"Fine. Justin’s gone to class?"

"Yeah. He tried to stick around because he didn’t see you last night but he was going to be late and he knew you’d hate that."

"Time?"

"It’s almost eight, so what do you want to do before your chemo?"

"Help me to see Michael?"

"Of course. Let’s get you dressed."

Ben had meant to go home. His mother had said that there was something that she had wanted to talk to him about but he couldn’t just go home while Michael was awake. He knew he had spent the whole night staring at him. Right now he was sound asleep but he was in bed with him. He really loved the huge bed that Brian made sure Michael had, and the staff were so nice and didn’t say anything when they came in and saw he was in bed with his lover. Wow, money can really make people keep their mouths shut or maybe just maybe they didn’t care that they were together. Right on cue those eyes opened.

"Good morning."

"Good morning yourself:"

"Ben, did you sleep here all night?"

"Yeah, I kept getting up to leave but I just couldn’t."

"Well, I need you to go now and get some rest."

"Michael, are you crazy? I can’t just leave you now."

"You can and you will. Now get out of here. Besides ma and god knows who else will be here soon, so go."

"Okay but I’ll be back for lunch and I’ll bring you something that’s edible instead of hospital food."

"Good, and will you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Find Brian. Tell him I don’t care."

"I will. I love you, don’t you know that?"

"Of course and I you."

 

Jennifer was so proud of Brian. He never asked for help but he knew that she was right behind him if he needed it. He did allow her to help him dress. He was in the hospital and dressed to the nines. He wore a very large, hooded, designer sweat suit if you took the trouble to look at the label. It was extra large. He had taken to wearing baggier clothes. Even though he was sick he was still gorgeous. He reminded her a lot of Ben. He put the hood over his head and walked slowly into Michael’s room.

Michael saw the door to his room opening and was shocked to see who stood before him. It was Brian and he was…. well he looked the same but he was larger and he looked better for it. He could see the scar and feel the nervousness in him. His face was softer and chubbier like when they were in school. He could feel the tears but he knew now was not the time.

"Hey Mikey."

"Don’t ‘hey’ me. What took you so long? I was in a coma."

Brian was so happy that Michael didn’t say anything about his appearance.

"Well I have cancer so I’ve got an excuse."

Brian couldn’t help it he brushed his hand against Michael’s cheek and he smiled. He was his Mikey and he was fine. He was shocked when Michael slid over to make room for him.

"Are you sure?"

"Get your ass here before you collapse."

Brian knew he had about two hours before he had Chemo so he slid in bed with Michael. He whispered words of comfort to Michael, more to comfort himself than Michael and before he knew it he had drifted off to sleep yet again. He was happy. He was with his Mikey.

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