Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

Author's Notes:  This chapter contains information regarding the symptoms of PTSD, which are quoted directly from the website, Mayo Clinic.com

"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world." -Brandi Snyder

 

Brian had been right.  Justin found it much easier to talk to a stranger.  It helped when the doctor had assured him that whatever was said in the office would stay in the office, so he didn't feel judged or inhibited.  In fact, he was able to relate the entire incident in New York without any hysterics. 

When the doctor informed Justin that he was fairly certain he was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, he actually felt relieved.  At least he wasn't losing his mind.  Brian's psychologist friend also gave him hope that this condition was temporary.  Now that he had a label to go with the symptoms he was experiencing, it felt somewhat liberating. 

The decision to share information with Brian was an easy one to make.  Brian needed to know that he was suffering from something real.  His therapist had also stressed that he needed to select one person to confide in, so they would know what to do in case he had another disturbing episode, especially if it was in public.  Since he presently lived and worked with Brian, he appeared to be the logical choice. 

Justin elected not to be in the room when the doctor spoke to Brian, because he wasn't sure he could handle it.  He'd find out soon enough what Brian's reaction was to the news, because the door to the office was creeping open. 

Brian emerged first, and then the doctor followed close behind him.  Upon concluding their conversation, the therapist turned to address a seated Justin.

"So, will I see you next week?"

"Sure doctor.  Thank you for everything." 

"No need to thank me.  I'm just doing my job.  If you or Brian have any questions before then, remember, you can give me a call."

"Thanks doc, we appreciate that," Brian responded with sincerity.  Then he faced Justin, "Ready to go?"

"Uh, yeah."

Brian had several unanswered questions running through his mind, but he kept them to himself for the time being.  A solemn Justin sat beside him, totally lost in his own thoughts.  Brian didn't know if that was a good or bad thing that the lad was in such a pensive mood.

As they rode the elevator up to the loft, Justin still seemed to be contemplating something.  Once Brian unlocked the door, the blond took refuge in his temporary home, making himself comfortable on the couch.  He kicked his off his shoes, laid his head on the armrest, and stretched the rest of his body out on the sofa. 

"Are you okay?" Brian inquired, slightly thrown by Justin's odd behavior.

"Hmmm...oh, um yeah."

"You spent an awful lot of time in the good doc's office."

Silence.

"I just want you to know Justin that I'm willing to help you in any way that I can."

"Thanks."  The blond was curt because he didn't really feel like talking.  He just wanted to be left alone.

"You're just a chatterbox tonight aren't you?" Brian quipped, not really meaning anything by the statement.  However, Justin's one word answers were beginning to irk him a little.

All of a sudden, Justin shot straight up to his feet, standing rigidly with his fists clenched. 

"Fuck off Brian.  I don't need you fucking hassling me." 

Brian had tried to be patient with the kid, but now he was pissed with his attitude.   He let Justin have it.  "I'm trying here, you ungrateful shit.  I brought you to the doc to get you some help.  I'm the one who took you in and gave you a place to stay."

Brian realized he had said too much.  His comments only served to inflame the already incensed young man.

"Well, like I said before, you don't have to do anything for me.  I'm not your fucking responsibility!"

With that last heated statement hurled out there, Justin raced over to get his backpack and bounded for the door.  Brian immediately covered the short distance between them to block him.

"Get the fuck out of my way Brian." 

Justin tried unsuccessfully to shove past him.  Brian knew he had to get the kid to stay.  He had to reason with him.

"Listen to me Justin." 

He gripped the blond by the shoulders, but Justin struggled to wrestle free.   

"Will you calm the fuck down a minute?" 

Justin stopped and glared at Brian, his beautiful face contorted with rage.  He was angry at the older man, but it was more than that.  He didn't really understand why he felt like punching something.

"I apologize if I offended you.  I didn't mean to get you upset.  Can you sit down...please?"

Justin took a moment to consider his request, but then complied by leaning against the arm of the couch.  Brian had used the word please, and Brian Kinney hardly ever used that word.

"What are you so angry about?" Brian quizzed, truly interested in an answer.  He'd never seen Justin like this before, and it concerned him.

Justin exhaled an unsteady breath.  Shaking his head he threw his hands up and admitted, "I don't know."

"If you don't feel like talking, next time all you have to do is tell me, okay?" 

"Alright.  I guess I could do that."  A small smirk escaped Justin's lips.

"I have to be honest with you Sunshine.  There's still some things I'd like to know about what happened back in New York.  I won't pressure you right now, but think it about it.  If I'm going to help you through this, I need to know everything."

Justin offered, "You really don't need to do this.  I'm going to continue with the counseling if that's what you're worried about."

"I know I don't have to do it, but maybe I want to do it.  Did you ever stop to think about that?" 

The thought had never even crossed Justin's mind that Brian would want to go through this ordeal with him. 

"Why would you want to do that?"

Brian took a deep breath before replying.  "Because I want to help.  Because we're friends.  Because...I care about what happens to you."

Justin relished every word coming out of Brian's gorgeous mouth.  He especially delighted at the man's last unexpected confession. 

"Thank you for being such a good friend to me," the blond blushed, feeling guilty for his earlier irrational outburst.

"No problemo senor."

Justin beamed back with a sunshine smile.  He felt a glimmer of hope that perhaps someday he could have something more than just a friendship with Brian.

"If you don't mind, I'm kinda tired," Justin announced.  He was more emotionally drained than anything else.  "I think I'll go to bed now."

Brian watched thoughtfully as Justin retired to the bedroom.  He sat at the counter in the kitchen for a bit, drinking a bottle of Evian.  Pulling out the information sheet the doc had handed him today, he reviewed the list of possible symptoms of PTSD with his weary eyes. 

  • Flashbacks, or reliving the traumatic event for minutes or even days at a time
  • Shame or guilt
  • Upsetting dreams about the traumatic event
  • Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
  • Feeling emotionally numb
  • Irritability or anger
  • Poor relationships
  • Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much
  • Hopelessness about the future
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Memory problems
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Being easily startled or frightened
  • Not enjoying activities you once enjoyed
  • Hearing or seeing things that aren't there

"Christ," he muttered to himself.  Justin certainly was exhibiting a lot of these symptoms.  He then recalled that the doc had also warned him that things could get worse before they got better.  Since Justin was now talking about the event that caused the trauma, it was bound to unleash pent up emotions, and Brian was the one who would bear the brunt of it. 

'Was he really willing to deal with all of this bullshit?'  But what was the alternative, let the kid go through this alone?  Brian knew he had to be there for Justin, and he realized, yes, he actually wanted to be there for him.  The kid had already gotten under his skin, and there was no turning back now.

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