Chapter 30

Brian’s POV
LaGuardia Airport, NYC
Monday July 17th, 2006 2:15 PM

I stood at the baggage claim, impatiently waiting for my bags to appear when my telephone rang. I wasn't surprised to see Gus’ name appear on the caller ID. He wasn’t scheduled to come for his visit until the middle of August but since I'd given him his special phone, he called me at least once a day.

“Hey, Sonyboy. How's my little man today?” I answered, watching everyone else’s luggage go by on the carousel.

"Daddy!" Gus' little voice was excited and I smiled. "Is Justin with you?" he exclaimed just as my luggage came around the turn. "I wanna tell him about the picture I drew today. I used lotsa yellow!" I couldn’t help but notice that he’d started saying Justin’s name correctly and while a part of me mourned for the death of “Jussen”, I was so proud to see my boy growing and learning. It seemed that our new custody arrangement, the new open lines of communication and understanding everyone’s role in his life had done wonders for him.

I chuckled and took my luggage to a small bank of chairs. "Not yet, Gus, I just got off the plane. But we'll call you later on tonight and you can tell him all about it."

"Okay! Daddy, where's Vermont?" he asked matter-of-factly. "Is it near the big house? Will you and Justin be there too?"

"Vermont is in the US, Sonyboy. It’s a state like Pennsylvania and New York. It's not near the big house but it is closer to us than Canada. Why do you ask?"

"Cause that's where the Mommies are gonna move. How close is it to the big house? They..."

"Gus!" I heard Lindsay's voice in the background and a scuffle as she took the phone.

"Brian! Hi! I didn't realize that Gus had called you. How are you?"

"Cut the bull shit, Lindz. What's going on?" I asked dryly, leaning back in the little chair. "What's this about Vermont?"

Lindsay was quiet a moment and then she sighed. "Mel got a job. She's been working so hard, studying to take the bar here and looking for work but in the meantime something just sorta fell into her lap. Dressler and Montgomery is the firm. She met Sharon Montgomery at a conference and a week later Mel got a call. They’re going to pay for her obtain the remaining credentials to practice law in Vermont, and as soon as she does, Mel will be an attorney in their civil rights department. It’s just…perfect but it’s…in Vermont

"So I gathered," I said. Lindsay sounded apprehensive, as if she thought I'd be pissed. I can’t say I was excited to see the kids uprooted again but I understood. That kind of offer didn’t come along every day and Mel would be perfect for it. And they’d be closer.

“Don’t be angry, Brian; we planned to tell you tonight, when you and Justin are together It's just...the best situation. I mean, in Vermont we can still be a married couple. And I've already found a job at one of local galleries."

"I take it Michael doesn't know yet either?"

"No. We were going to call him after we talked to you and Justin."

"I don't think he'll give you any trouble. If anything, he'll be happier that you're closer," I said, stretching out my legs.

I could hear Lindsay smiling on the other end of the phone as she told me all about their preparations and I found myself smiling back. Gus kept interrupting, asking to speak with me and I asked Lindsay to put him back on. “You and Mel can fill us in tonight when we call back,” I said. “After Gus tells Justin about his drawing.”


Justin’s POV
Justin’s Apartment
Monday July 17th, 2006 4:30 PM

I heaved a sigh as I sat down, waiting for Brian to arrive. It had been a busy day and I’d barely made it through. Things were shaping up nicely for the show. Most of my pieces were done but there seemed to be a million details that needed taken care of. Gabriel had been a big help, as had the people at DeFranco Galleries. Peter himself had been to see me on a number of occasions to discuss the promotion and execution of the show. It was the first time since moving to New York that I’d felt respected and understood by a gallery.

But all day I’d watched the clock, waiting, my stomach doing a high wire, aerial act. I was so nervous. It was my day of reckoning, time to come clean. Brian was due at five so that gave me a little time to sit down and gather my thoughts. He knew how I felt, I’d told him on the day we went to Melanie and Lindsay’s. But I wasn’t sure he’d really comprehended it. But the time had come to make myself clear.

Vaguely, I heard my phone ring and reached into my pocket, smiling when I saw Daphne’s name.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Hey yourself. What time is he supposed to be there?”

“Five. Daph, I’m so nervous.” I leaned my head back against the couch, looked up at the cracked ceiling.

“Why? Justin, he loves you. One way or another, you’ll make it work.”

I breathed out. She was right of course. She was always right. I decided to change the subject.

“So, did you get the flyers?” I asked.

“I did! I’m so excited for you! Your very own art show! And just a week after Babylon reopens!"

"I know," I laughed, remembering the first time I'd gone to the club. "Remember the first time we went there?

Daphne snorted. "Our fake IDs."

"Vic gave me his. And the bouncer let me in anyway."

"You got in because your ass was amazing?"

"What do you mean - was? My ass is still amazing!"

"Well Brian certainly thought so. His face when he saw you dancing with those guys was priceless." Daphne laughed. "He never had a chance."

"He didn't make it easy."

"Nothing worth having is ever easy, Justin. You guys have been through so much and have come so far. Which is exactly why you have no reason to be nervous tonight. This is nothing. Just be honest. I guaranty he misses you just as much as you do him.”

As five grew nearer, we said our goodbyes and I promised I would come over and help her pack and party one last time before she had to leave.

“Call me as soon as you can. Tell me what happens,” she said.

"I will. Love you, Daph."

"Love you too," she said and I closed my phone and stared at it a moment, thinking about everything she’d said until my phone rang again.

Brian.

“Hey, where are you?” I answered,

“Downstairs, come on. We’ve got reservations at 5:30 and traffic is fucking crazy. How do you deal with this every day?”

I locked up and headed downstairs, wondering what was going on, my stomaching flipping again as I closed the door behind me. All weekend Brian’s voice had been tight and he’d been a little distant. I was so nervous but I’d made my decision and there was no putting it off. I had to tell him, no matter what.

When I opened the door I stumbled to a stop, my jaw dropping open as I spied the limo parked in front of my building. Brian stood by the open door, looking absolutely amazing. Black suit with a black and white striped dress shirt and matching tie, hair devilishly messy and shorter than I remembered, He took my breath away.

His lips curled into a smile when he saw me approaching hesitantly; suddenly feeling underdressed in my Navy suit.

“You look perfect,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth, eyes guarded but warm.

I let him usher me into the limo and sat waiting while he instructed the driver to continue on to our destination.

“Where exactly are we going?” I asked, imagining all the crazy places Brian could be taking me.

“Dinner,” he said with a sly smile. I narrowed my eyes but he changed the subject and before I knew it we were discussing my upcoming show. I was so excited that it was easy to let him manipulate me away from the topic at hand. He listened with a pleased light in his eyes as I talked about all the preparations Peter and Megan were making.

My stomach was full of butterflies and I was speaking too fast, talking with my hands until he grabbed one and brought my fingers to his lips.

“What’s going on, Sunshine. Why are you so animated and tense?” he asked.

I exhaled sharply, nervous, not knowing what to expect. I sighed, feeling the limo come to a stop. “Shouldn’t we go? I thought we had reservations?”

“We do. But they can wait. Tell me what’s going on.”

The silence hung between us and I could feel his pulse against my fingers as they rested in his hand. His eyebrows were raised expectantly as he waited and I sighed, giving in. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what’s important to me, about my goals and dreams…about the road I’d like to take.”

Brian’s face was unreadable as I spoke but I gripped his hand, hoping he’d see my point of view, hoping he wouldn’t argue and tell me that I was compromising. I wasn’t. I refused to. Fuck, I wanted it all.

"I'm coming home," I said resolutely. "I do my best work when I’ve been home with you. Maybe I did need to come here and learn this for myself. Maybe it was the right thing to do. But Lindsay was wrong.” I laughed and looked down at where our hands were joined. “I can paint anywhere, Brian. Yeah, maybe I needed to get my foot in the door, make a little name for myself…make some contacts. But it doesn’t really matter where I live. So, I’ve made my decision. I’m coming home.”

I fell silent and looked at Brian’s stoic face. He pushed his tongue into his cheek and shook his head, laughter suddenly bubbling up in his chest. I frowned, wondering just what the fuck was so funny. His lips were rolled in and his eyes shone with emotion. Brian opened the door and beckoned me to follow him.

“Where the fuck are we?” I asked, scrambling out of the limo.

“Come on, we don’t want to miss our reservation,” he said, nodding thanks to the driver before tugging on my hand, whisking me away and into the door of a nearby building. The lights were low in the abandoned lobby but Brian found his way unerringly.

“Is this some kind of underground sex club? Brian, did you even fucking hear what I said?” I hissed and he laughed.

“It could be and yes, I heard you loud and clear,” he said, turning around to press me to the wall, his thigh sliding between mine. Brian’s lips hovered and I could feel his breath and the rub of his thigh against my growing erection.

What the fuck?

With a little growl he took my lips, demanding entrance. Pushing past my angry resistance, he sucked my lips and fucked my mouth open with his tongue. My body responded as it always did, answering his call, moaning into his kiss until dimly, I heard a little bell above my head.

Brian pulled back and I chased his lips. He chuckled and tugged my hand. “Come on, Sunshine. All the way to the top.”

He pulled me into an elevator; the lights brighter, revealing the elegant, brushed copper and black, art deco styling. It was clean and simple with just a touch of extravagance. My heart was beating fast and Brian’s face revealed nothing. I was angry and confused but I trusted Brian. So I glared at him but held my tongue.

When the elevator doors opened, it was onto what appeared to be an empty office space, one wall lined with enormous windows. And in front the windows, was a table set for dinner, complete with candles and wine.

The view was unbelievable; the sunlight came through the windows and lit the room so beautifully. Dinner had already been served, and it was still steaming hot.

“Brian, what IS this?” I asked, turning to him, frustration beating at my chest.

"No," Brian said softly, his hand warm in mine.

"What do you mean no?" I asked.

"I mean no."

I started to talk but Brian interrupted. "Only you would announce your intentions to return to Pittsburgh two seconds before I'm about to reveal that Kinnetik is expanding to New York...to this very office."

I opened my mouth to speak but closed it and stared, speechless.

"I've always wanted to conquer New York. It was always in the plan. And I just thought it was time." Brian shrugged and turned to me, pulled me into his arms. But he hesitated when he tried to speak and looked away. His voice was a low and raw when he finally said “So…now you don't have to compromise your dreams.”

I stared open mouthed, shaking my head and laughing, feeling the butterflies in my stomach flip and take wing. "You have no fucking clue what I mean do you?" I asked. "I said I want to go home, Brian. But you...you're my home, my muse. Haven’t you been fucking listening? You're my everything. And I want to be where you are. I want it all and I’m not fucking compromising shit to have it. I want to storm the art world, I want to work for you creatively at Kinnetik, and most of all…" I grabbed his face and forced him to look me in the eye. “Most of all, I want you…in my life…every fucking, god damned day.”

Brian searched my eyes, frowning; he touched my face and cocked his head to the side, eyebrows knitted together. But he couldn't quite suppress the smile that threatened. “You want it all?”

“Everything.”

"You want to work for me at Kinnetik?"

I nodded, looking into his eyes. “Yeah, I do. You suggested once that I could freelance. If you don’t have a position for me…maybe I could…”

“How about with me?" Brian said and I frowned in confusion.

"The paperwork is already drawn up…It's up to you how involved you'd like to be. But I’ve already named you as a partner in Kinnetik." Brian said softly, eyes smiling when my mouth dropped open.

"I was thinking...if you accepted the offer....you and I would cater to a small fleet of elite accounts – me as the Account Manager and you as a creative design consultant. We’d hire managers to oversee the offices – Ted in Pittsburgh, someone new here. But it’s yours…if you want it." He paused and glanced out the window, breathing deeply as he turned back to me. "Or not, it's your call. It's your life. But I thought that arrangement would give you everything you need - the time to have the best of both worlds."

I was floored. I didn’t know what to say. Brian was handing me freedom on a silver platter. I could work with him, contribute to the business he'd built from the ground up, as well as pursue my own career as an artist. And the best part was we could divide our time between New York and Pittsburgh or hell....anywhere.

Brian's eyes were dark as they looked into mine, searching. "I want you to to have everything you've ever wanted, Justin. And if this is what you want, I want it too. But if it isn’t..."

"But it is. It's my dream too." I cupped his face in my hands. "To work with you, side by side, being creative and helping to build Kinnetik…all the while having the time to focus on my work too. I told you...I can paint anywhere but I only feel whole...I only feel at home with you."

Brian smiled as I kissed his cheek. "You stupid, stupid man," I whispered, feeling his arms come around me. "How long have you been working on this? How long have you been keeping this from me?"

He sighed and pressed his lips to my temple. "Awhile," he answered.

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

Brian pulled back and looked away, not meeting my eyes. "I want you to find your own way. I didn't want you to make decisions about your life because of me."

I laughed and grabbed his chin, ignoring the look of annoyance as I forced him to look at me. "Asshole. When are you going to learn that you are my life?"

Brian's eyes softened and he dropped his forehead to mine.

"Why are you telling me now then? Why all this," I asked, indicating our dinner.

I felt him draw a breath and hold it a beat. "Because I need you," he said, his breath soft against my cheek. “And I needed you to know that.”

Brian's admission hung between us as I struggled to process it. I had faith in our love, in the life we were building. But I never expected to hear him admit to needing me, to revealing just how vulnerable he is. And that's when I understood the problem, why he'd been so secretive and distant about his plans.

"I need you too. Do you think that makes me weak?" I asked, my voice firm but soft.

"You're one of the strongest people I know," Bran said.

"And you're one of the strongest people I know. Brian. There's a difference between needing someone and being needy.”

I watched his lips quirk and he nodded slightly in contemplation before smiling impishly down at me. “So, what do you say then?” he asked. “Wanna be my partner?”

I laughed and kissed him softly, gently sucking his lip. He leaned into me, his hands on the small of my back, holding me close as I pulled away. I looked up into his smiling eyes. “In every possible sense of the word, Brian,” I whispered.


Brian's POV
Kinnetik – NYC
Monday July 17th, 2006 6:35 PM

Dinner was done and Justin was smiling radiantly at me over the candles. "I can't believe they finally got together," he said, shaking his head. "I have to call Emmett.”

“I’d wait until tomorrow; Emmett moved back into his apartment today and they have big plans tonight…something about remembering condoms this time.” I said, rolling my eyes.

"This time?" Justin raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Well...whatever, it's good to know that Britin still has the magic touch."

I met his heated gaze across the table was reminded of our promise. It was so close...only weeks until our doctor appointments and I couldn't get it off of my mind.

"This was delicious," Justin said, his voice husky and soft. He slowly licked his spoon, eyes intent on mine. "Where are your magic little elves?"

I chuckled and put down my napkin. "Gone, I'm to call them when we're done."

He raised an eyebrow and quirked his perfect mouth mischievously. "So we're all alone then?"

"All alone," confirmed, watching silently as Justin stood up and removed his jacket.

"Then I think it's only right that we take the time and celebrate our new partnership. Don't you, Mr. Kinney?" he asked, coming closer, removing his tie. "Christen the new office...Kinnetik - New York City."

"It is quite a colossal achievement." I pushed my chair back from the table and he wasted no time climbing onto my lap.

My hands found his hips so easily – they belonged there. Justin leaned down to kiss me, tugging gently at my lower lip. The face of the nameless trick flashed briefly before my eyes, quickly erased by the warmth in Justin's touch, the trust in his eyes. I'd do anything to make sure that look never faded. So I opened for him and told him everything he needed to know in my kiss.


Nathan's POV
Emmett’s Apartment, Pittsburgh, PA
Monday July 17th, 2006 7:20 PM


I'd never really been a jaded man. I'd never lost my faith in the existence of love. But at the same time, I didn't really spend my time pining after it. I was happy with my life, content with my place in the world. But that's not to say that I wasn't aware of that missing piece inside me.

The day I met Emmett had been an awakening for me. Seeing him there in the booth at the diner, his eyes so sad, I wanted nothing more than to make him smile. Somehow I knew that a frown was not at home on his face. And when finally the frown was chased away I'd felt it - a longing I almost didn't want to acknowledge. The overwhelming desire to finally fill the missing piece inside my heart was suddenly like an ache, a throbbing need that grew with each passing second.

The circumstances surrounding our friendship had forced me to bury that feeling, ignore it. But when our lips had finally touched, when he'd come apart beneath me in the hot summer sun, the desire had flamed to life, consuming me. I didn't question it, I didn't second guess myself. It just was. And there was no turning back.

Emmett loved with his whole heart but his heart had been broken so many times, I was afraid that he would be hesitant to give it away so soon. As usual, he amazed me. When I looked into his eyes I saw nothing but trust. And that made me love him all the more.

We moved him back into his apartment on Monday. Although he was uncomfortable at first, he quickly worked to chase away the dark shadows that lingered. Rearranging the furniture, new locks on the doors and a few new accessories that we picked up on the way home and Emmett was smiling again, hands resting triumphantly on his hips as he surveyed his work.

"I missed my apartment," he said and I put my arms around him from behind.

"I know, the lap of luxury is so tiresome," I teased and he laughed. I loved to hear his laughter.

"No, I loved it at Britin but...there's just something about your own space, you know?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "There is. But..." I kissed Emmett's cheek and walked over to the new throw pillow he'd picked up. "Do you think there's enough leopard in the living room?" I loved him, but Emmett's personal style was a constant source of amusement for me.

He pulled a face and took the pillow from my hands, cocking a saucy hip as he tossed it back on the couch. "No...I had to order the matching curtains because they were out of stock."

I bit down the laughter that bubbled in my stomach when he poked my chest and continued. "And if you don't want to find yourself sleeping out here in the wilds of the living room," Emmett's fingers trailed down my chest and stomach to curl around the hardening bulge in my jeans. "Instead of in the nice, cozy, queen sized bed...complete with your very own queen...you'll stop picking on my leopard print."

I kissed Emmett's lips and shrugged. "Well...when you put it that way."

He grinned and I couldn't help but grin back. Gently he rubbed me, eyes flirty and dark. "We should get ready," he whispered. "Aren't you supposed to go on the date and then come home and fuck?"

"Mmm hmm," I confirmed, leaning down to kiss him, taste his wicked smirk.

After a moment he pulled back and we were both a little breathless. "Huh...problem," Emmett laughed, leaning his head against my chest in frustration.

"What?"

"No condoms. We forgot to grab some on the way into town."

I groaned and pressed a kiss to his head. "Go get ready," I said, looking at my watch. "Pick you up in an hour?"

Emmett nodded. "Yeah," he sighed. "And for the sake of all that is holy, stop at the store on the way."

The look on his face was priceless and I laughed, cupping his cheek and kissing him. "You'll be okay?"

He nodded, flashing a grateful smile. "Yeah...I'll be okay."


Emmett's POV
Emmett’s Apartment, Pittsburgh, PA
Monday July 17th, 2006 7:40 PM


There's nothing like sinking into a hot bath. It's like therapy without the weird little couch. I sighed and wiggled my toes in the bubbles, letting the hot water soak away my apprehension. It felt so good to be home, so good to just…feel again. I couldn’t remember the last time my stomach hadn’t been knots.

Closing my eyes, I leaned back in the tub, breathing deeply; Nathan’s smiling face flitting around in the back of my mind. My knight in shining armor, he’d saved me in more ways than one. He’d saved my life and if it hadn’t been for his quiet presence in my life, the strong support and comfort he’d given me, I wasn’t sure I could have come that far. But he’d been through hell with me and somewhere in all that chaos, love had bloomed.

I winced, a pang of unease hitting my chest when I remembered how it had begun for me. I’d been so scared. And Brian had tried to warn me.

Warm water, bubbles, music in my ears, Brian’s face had been so frightening but I couldn’t believe what he’d been saying. All I’d heard was that he’d been having Calvin investigated. Who did that? Thick, blinding pain in my head and then small flashes of comforting hands, red lights, vague memories I couldn’t quite grasp. Fear in my chest, I could feel it, the panic, and the stark desolate emptiness. Alone, until I heard his voice, not the soft rumbling comfort of Nathan’s voice. No. It was Adam I heard in my bath as I sang along with the music in my ears – clueless. Adam’s breath on my cheek as I screamed.

“Emmett, Emmett!” Vaguely I heard him as I flailed in the tub; eyes wide open but not seeing until someone gripped my arms and squeezed hard. I blinked and Nathan’s face swam into focus.

“Nathan! Oh my God! I gasped, drawing my knees up to my chest, shivering in the chilled water.

“Come on, out of the tub.” Nathan’s voice was firm and I focused on it, standing and stepping into the towel he wrapped around my body. “It’s all right, Baby. You fell asleep and were having a nightmare. That’s all.”

I nodded dumbly, until he grasped my chin and made me look him in the eye. “I’m right here, Em. And Adam is dead.”

I let out a breath and let him hug me, reality sinking back in. “I know, I know, I know,” I repeated, gripping his shoulders. Strong, muscled, I breathed in and he smelled like my Nathan, felt like my Nathan. I shivered again and Nathan pulled me forward, out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. Suddenly, I was in my robe and on the bed, Nathan’s strong arms around me.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed, leaning into him.

“Don’t you ever apologize, Emmett. Never apologize for what he did.”


Brian’s POV
Justin’s Apartment, New York, NY
Monday July 17th, 2006 8:55 PM

“He’s sleeping now,” Nathan’s voice was tired and I felt his pain. My chest tightened, remembering Justin’s nightmares, the starkness of his eyes when he’d woken up in a cold sweat.

“You did the right thing,” I said, taking a drag of my cigarette, eyes skimming the line of Justin’s sleeping form beneath the sheet. We’d come home from dinner, neither of us wanting to share with a crowded dance floor.

Nathan sighed. “Thanks, Brian. I didn’t know who else to call. I knew that you’d…”

“It’s all right.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt your night with Justin.”

I smiled in the darkness. Stubbing out the cigarette and lighting another I shook my head. “He’s asleep.”

Nathan was silent a moment and I could tell he was starting to relax. “Just be there for him. Take him out when he wakes up; get him a drink and something to eat. Make sure he puts on something hot. Get him back into his life. Maybe suggest he talk to someone this week? It seems to be helping Justin. In fact, tell him to call Justin.”

I never thought I’d be suggesting psychiatric care to anyone, but it was true. Justin was finally regaining his memories; he was finally coming to grips with everything that had happened.

“I’ll do that. I know he was talking to someone in the hospital but I think it was just temporary. He’s stirring, Brian. I should go. Thanks again. And say hi to Justin for me, okay?”

I closed my phone and blew smoke rings into the dark. Justin was sleeping peacefully, fucked out and sated. I smiled and let myself remember the feel of his fingers on my skin, the taste of his tongue. The way his breath had hitched as I pushed inside him. It never got old.

One last puff and I crawled into bed, fitting my body against his, finding that spot where everything seemed to mesh. He stirred and sighed contentedly before falling still. The night, my grand reveal hadn’t gone exactly as I’d imagined. I smirked into Justin’s shoulder thinking about the face he’d pulled when I told him no.

But as usual, Justin had proven he was every bit the man I needed in my life. He'd made me feel like an ass, like I should have known better than to keep all of those feelings and plans away from him. And then he’d shown me exactly why.

I curled my fingers over his hip, skin soft, smelling of sex and his familiar cologne. I couldn’t sleep, equal parts excitement and fear burning in my veins. My mind was churning – ideas and doubts fighting for supremacy. But I closed my eyes and listened, our breaths soon falling into step. In that – in him, I had no doubts.