Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

Justin prepares for the rest of the weekend!

Justin wakes up at 7 am, despite his alarm being set for 7:30. He glances over next to him and sees Nathan sleeping away. He had come over Thursday afternoon. It's Saturday morning now. Nathan wore his clothes yesterday but right now they are both wearing nothing.

 

Justin can't even begin to process his feelings about the situation. He doesn't think Nathan has either. All Justin knows is that it feels good and that it's nice to have someone familiar in his bed than the one offs he's had more recently. He's not going to get his hopes up. He can't, not when Nathan still doesn't want any kids. As far as Justin knows, Nathan hasn't changed his mind on that and it's too late for Justin to change his.

 

But despite that, he's glad to have someone here. He doesn't like being alone, not when he's this sad. He hates the thought as soon as it pops into his head because Brian is alone now. He probably has friends surrounding him. Lily is awake and Gus seems to be wanting to stick close. But Brian doesn't have Eric anymore and Brian also has to be a hell of a lot sadder than Justin is.

 

He needs to get up. Do something productive. Today, he actually has to. Mason and Ezra are moving in this morning. It's probably the shittiest weekend for them to move in, with a funeral happening tomorrow. It's not like Justin - or Molly and Hunter, for that matter - are going to be up for much fun to celebrate their move into the city or whatever. Justin is dreading tomorrow. He's dreading seeing a body if they show it, he's dreading seeing everyone so fucking heartbroken, he's dreading seeing Brian. He hasn't even called him or gone to the hospital to see Lily. He almost sent a text saying, "I am so fucking sorry" but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Brian doesn't like being told sorry. And even though Justin feels so fucking sorry and so fucking guilty, how does he begin to express that, assuming Brian even wants to hear from him again?

 

Justin barely even knows how to get out of bed, let alone talk to someone who just had their life and heart shattered into pieces. Luckily, he doesn't have to think too long on it before Nathan turns over and opens his eyes.

 

"I need to get up," Justin says softly, reaching over to run his fingers through his ex's hair, "Mason and his boyfriend are moving into the apartment across from Molly's and Hunter's. They should be here in an hour or so."

 

Nathan squints, "Mason as in your brother?"

 

"I'm surprised you even know who I'm talking about."

 

"Molly's mentioned him several times," Nathan says, "Craig has too. Figured it was probably a touchy subject with you since you only told me that your dad got remarried and took in his wife's kid then left it at that."

 

"Yeah, well…" Justin starts as he sits up, "I figured I should make an effort. Considering Molly's living here and he's been a brother to her. He is her brother. Mine too, I guess. Considering he has a work study in New York. Considering…"

 

"He's gay?"

 

Justin shrugs, "I don't know. I haven't asked. Molly said he told her that he was never attracted to any guys, only girls, but then he got close with Ezra and caught feelings. So maybe he's bi or he seriously repressed some shit. Mason is afraid of how Dad's going to react so he doesn't know yet."

 

Nathan is quiet for a moment, then clears his throat, "I don't think Craig will get that upset about it."

 

Justin lets out a breath, "Nathan...Look, I know you bonded with my dad - still totally weird, by the way - but you weren't around when he found out about me and how he continued hating everything about it. Me coming out and his hatred over it tore apart our family and I am sure Mason witnessed some of the feelings my dad used to have about me, despite the fact the kid didn't know me at all. It made an impression."

 

"I can understand that," Nathan gives him, sitting up too, "And I am not saying Craig is going to be waving a bi pride flag whenever Mason does come out to him. But I don't think he will be mad at Mason. He might be really confused that both of his sons are into men but I'm more concerned that he is going to feel really guilty for Mason being so scared to tell him. It could cause Craig to have a setback."

 

"Something else to worry about," Justin sighs, "Great."

 

Nathan frowns, "I didn't mean to get you more stressed."

 

"No, I actually appreciate it. Gives me something else to focus on," Justin says honestly before he tries and fails to meet Nathan's eyes, "You're uh...You're welcome to stay. For as long as you want. But I have to make sure they get settled in and will probably end up helping them move things up stairs. Probably should offer to take them out to lunch or dinner or something, since tomorrow…"

 

Justin trails off and Nathan's eyes soften before he picks up Justin's hand and holds it between his own, "If you really want me here, I will stay. But...But it will probably be really awkward and hard for you to explain what we've been doing the last two days once anyone sees me. I don't even think we can explain it to ourselves."

 

Justin nods, glancing away to blink the stupid moisture out of his eyes so that Nathan doesn't see it. Whether he succeeds or not, Nathan doesn't give him a hint either way. He just takes his hand and leads Justin to the shower.

-------------------------

Molly doesn't mean to be a nosy bitch. But she hasn't seen her brother in two days now. So excuse her for getting concerned for Justin's emotional well-being. It isn't like the man was in the best mood when he left their apartment.

 

She and Hunter take Archimedes on a walk to get him to burn off a little energy and relieve his bladder first. Honestly, Hunter picked a ridiculously good puppy. He's only had one accident in the apartment so far and that had been in the middle of the night when both she and Hunter had been asleep. It had been right by the door too, giving her the impression that Archimedes tried to do the right thing by wanting to go outside. Maybe their timing has been good but they haven't had problems with that or any destructive behaviors. Any that Archimedes does have seems to be directed towards his toys and not the furniture, their shoes, or Katniss. She's not sure how Hunter plans on turning their happy, sweet, well behaved, brindle coated puppy into a Seth-killing machine, but she will humor him and let him think that he can for now.

 

When they return to the apartment and unleash Archimedes, Hunter offers to make breakfast. While they are both good cooks, Hunter is just slightly better. She's not sure if that's because he is a few years older thus wiser on culinary matters or if it's because Michael and Ben introduced him to a wide range of cuisines due to their own differing taste buds or if it's because Hunter almost always had to cook for himself as a child. But when Hunter offers to put food on the table, she always accepts it.

 

"I'll make enough for Mason and Ezra to have when they get here. Justin too," Hunter says, opening up the fridge, before glancing over to her, "If you want to go let him know. Check on him like you've been wanting to since yesterday."

 

"It's weird, right?" Molly says, because she feels like her concerns are valid, "He stayed the night on Wednesday and then sequestered himself away in his place ever since. We haven't seen him once. He's barely answered his texts."

 

Hunter shrugs as he puts the eggs, peppers, onions, zucchini, tomatoes, and cheese on the counter, "Your brother gets in moods and hyperfocuses on his art. He might have gone up to the loft to work on some stuff."

 

"Maybe," Molly says dubiously. She just feels like there's something off with the idea. So to give herself some reassurance on her brother's welfare and make sure that Hunter was right about everything and she's just being stupid, she takes the stairs up to the fifth floor and lifts her hand to knock on the door, only for it to swing open.

 

But it isn't Justin who is standing there.

 

"Nathan?" Molly asks, lowering her fist, "What are you…"

 

Molly trails off and sees that Nathan's hair is damp. An unassuming Justin comes into view behind him and freezes at the sight of her, hair also damp.

 

Oh. Oh.

 

"You don't have to answer," Molly says, trying to wave off the situation, "I've really missed you."

 

Nathan accepts her hug and returns it, his arms wrapping around her waist, "Yeah, I've missed you too. You and Hunter settled in?"

 

"Yep," Molly confirms, stepping back, "He's making breakfast for all of us. It's why I came up. To see if Justin wanted any. You are welcome to stay and have some too."

 

She knows it's going to be a no as soon as she says it, with the look of hesitation and slight discomfort in Nathan's eyes appearing as soon as she says it. Nathan rubs the back of his neck, glances back at Justin, then shakes his head.

 

"I need to go check in with Petra," he says, and to his credit, it does sound honest, "But since you are living in Brooklyn now and my schedule isn't as screwed up, maybe we can go out and do something."

 

"Yeah, of course," Molly agrees, stepping to the side to let Nathan out into the hall, "But you have to meet my puppy before you go. My cat too, if she doesn't hide."

 

Nathan does agree to her terms and awkwardly says hi to Hunter once the two of them are inside. Any discomfort about being in his old apartment seems to dissolve when Archimedes approaches Nathan happily, demanding to be pet. And to Katniss's credit, she doesn't hide from Nathan either and even comes up to him.

 

Katniss may feel forward enough to come out of hiding, but Molly has a feeling Justin probably won't feel the same since he didn't even follow them down. So Molly takes it upon herself to walk Nathan down the street to his subway stop, Hunter only getting slightly weird about the idea of her walking back alone.

 

"It's just a few blocks away," she says in a low voice when he makes her wait so that he can go get her cell phone from the bedroom and a taser.

 

"Seriously?" Molly says once it is in her hand, zapping the air only to feel a little guilty about it when Archimedes barks at the sound, "I don't think this is nec-"

 

"After what happened to you? To Eric? It is," Hunter dismisses, then walks back towards the kitchen. She lets it go and just puts the taser in her jacket pocket.

 

"So…" Nathan starts as soon as they're outside, "What happened? To you, I mean. I know about Eric."

 

The words come out pained and Molly feels a pang of empathy for Nathan. It might not be the same level of loss that some of Eric's friends and family are feeling, but Eric had made an effort with Nathan and reached out to become his friend. And at least from what Molly has gathered, his losses had been significant and had included both of his parents by the time he was 16. She remembers going out with Nathan and Petra, back when Justin was getting work done. Nathan had gotten drunk and told her that much and that he missed his mom. When Molly asked about his dad, Nathan said he couldn't find it in him to miss the man who tortured him but then wouldn't go any further on the matter.

 

Eric had been someone worth missing. He had been kind and seemed to be down to be anyone's friend and he had been a good one to Nathan.

 

"I'm really sorry about Eric," Molly says, taking the focus off of her, "I know you were good friends with him."

 

"Yeah," Nathan says, swallowing past a lump in his throat, "I feel like I should get Lily something. Not that anything will make her feel any better."

 

"Seeing you might make her feel a little better," Molly says softly, "Justin said she had a crush on you. That she thought you were the best."

 

"She is usually excited to see me. Can't complete with Duncan though," Nathan says, smiling slightly before his expression straightens out, "So back to you-"

 

"It was Seth," Molly says, trying to get it over with.

 

Nathan frowns, "He calling you again?"

 

Molly shakes her head and just tries to be methodical about it, "He hasn't called me since he broke into Jerome's and Rubina's house. I was spending the night and he came into the guest room, cut off some of my hair, then got on top of me when I woke up. He held the scissors to my neck and I managed to throw him off of me. Probably a risky move but I would have rather bled out than go through what he wanted to do. Anyway, I tried to run and we fought. I bashed the lamp over his head. Just pissed him off more so he punched me in the face and took me to the ground. He cut open my top, cut my neck, like he was warning me, then Rubina jumped on his back and...Hey, are you okay?"

 

When Molly turns to look over at Nathan, he's staring straight ahead and the color has drained from his face. It takes him a moment to answer and Molly gives it to him because this is not the first time she's seen Nathan look like this. She doesn't know what happened to him and when she asked Justin about a year and a half ago, he told her it was too awful to talk about and that he promised not to anyway.

 

"Hey," she says more gently, reaching up to touch his arm, "Do you wanna talk? About anything? I don't mind ditching my brothers for a while. You're still my friend. I'll take the train with you."

 

Nathan shakes his head and eventually lets out a breath, "No...I uh…I'm fine. Fuck Seth. Is he finally in jail?"

 

"No," Molly says softly, "He ran off when he heard 911 on the phone."

 

"That makes sense," Nathan says, still looking almost sick, "With the cameras and doorman and everything Justin put in."

 

"It's almost off-putting, right?" Molly asks as they turn the corner, "I told Justin he is going to go broke. Some tenants might appreciate it, but a lot of people who might have applied before won't now because they don't want that kind of security since it can invade their own privacy. The background checks he's planning for the applicants none of us know are ridiculously extensive. He's going to scare everyone off."

 

"I don't think he cares that much about filling them up," Nathan says quietly, "His small paintings sell for at least $15,000 and those are usually private sales. The bigger ones vary, but I have seen him charge people he really can't stand close to a million. When his work is auctioned off for a first time sale, he makes millions per painting."

 

"He made 30 million on that one big painting last year that was auctioned off. Thirty fucking million dollars," Molly says before glancing at him, "The one of you. Can't blame whoever bought it. You are hot."

 

Nathan scoffs, "I thought I was going to pass out when I heard that. I almost did when Justin tried to give me half the money. I mean, you can't completely tell it's me but people who know me know who it is. But I'm not the only boyfriend who Justin Taylor has painted. A painting of Brian that Justin did early on came back into circulation almost a month ago. Sold for 15 million. I mean, Justin only made five percent since it was a resale - he was lucky to get that - but still. It wasn't as big as either of ours but it sold for a lot because it was an early piece. And Brian was naked in it."

 

Molly has to force herself not to comment on the fact that Nathan is keeping up with Justin's career enough to know that, just like she had to force herself not to say anything about the fact Nathan had been shacking up in his ex's apartment.

 

"He tries to give me money too," Molly says instead, scowling, "Hunter is bad enough about that with wanting me to have a debit card to one of his accounts. He's not even a millionaire. Yet. He's getting there with the projects he's getting and I don't know how I feel about it. All I know is that rich people are assholes and Justin is the richest person I know so he's also the biggest asshole I know. He was supposed to be a starving artist, what the fuck."

 

Nathan actually manages to let out a laugh, "Yeah, I remember you snapping at him when he offered to give you half of what he made for the painting of you. You didn't talk to him for a week for thinking of you as a charity case."

 

"I don't want someone just handing me four million dollars they make off of their work just because they feel sorry for me," Molly shrugs, but then smiles, "The whole thing is sort of funny though. Mom got all weird and was like, 'You made art that had my daughter in it and didn't give it to me?' Justin had to re-create his high selling work for nothing just to keep her satisfied, then made her promise not to post a picture of it anywhere because it could piss the buyer of the original off. I'm sure it will cause controversy after our lineage dies out when Justin's last descendant croaks and their storage unit is auctioned off centuries from now."

 

Molly and Nathan make their way down the steps to the station and Nathan goes to the metrocard machine, buys a new weekly pass, then turns around to face her, "...You know he doesn't feel sorry for you, right? He loves you. A lot. You could see it in that painting how much he loves you. That's why he painted it in the first place and that's why he protected the building to the extent that he did."

 

"...He loves you too," Molly says in hesitation, "He has a painting of you - or at least inspired by you - that he refuses to sell. He painted it after you guys broke up. He kept it because he loves you. And I'm guessing he asked you to stay at his place the last night or two because he loves you."

 

Nathan breathes out through his nose and looks away, "...It's complicated, Molly. We just made it a lot more complicated than it already was. I love him too, I always will. Fuck, I will probably care about his kids. Love them, even. But I can't...I can't do all of that. The family stuff. I'm not...I'm not meant for that."

 

"That's okay," Molly shrugs, "Not everyone has to have or want kids. I get it."

 

"Right," Nathan agrees, then meets her eyes again, "So I'll see you tomorrow? Are you going to the funeral?"

 

Molly shakes her head, "Hunter and Justin are. Drew called last night and asked if I'd be willing to stay with Duncan and Lily at the hospital during the visitation and the service, plus the dinner afterwards. I'll be there all day."

 

"That's not that common, is it?" Nathan asks, "To cram everything into one day? The funerals I've been to usually have the visitation the day before."

 

Molly shrugs, "Maybe Brian wanted to just get everything over with at once. One day of awfulness so that he can start working everything out in his head. Or maybe he didn't want to leave Lily more days than he had to. I don't know."

 

"Can you…" Nathan starts, rubbing the back of his neck, "Can you tell her that I said hi? Let her know I'm thinking about her? I was only a few years older when I lost my mom so…"

 

Nathan trails off then must decide not to finish the sentence because all he does is give her one last hug and go through the revolving gate.

 

She makes her way through the station and up the steps before finding herself street level once more. She gets catcalled a few times, which isn't out of the norm elsewhere. It's an everyday occurrence in New York so she is forcing herself to get used to that. It's nothing to tase anyone over and she's starting to hate that Hunter gave it to her because having it means thinking of scenarios where she might have to use it and-"

 

"Hey, sweetheart, you want a ride?"

 

Molly's hand immediately goes into her pocket at the abnormally deep voice as a van slows down to a stop next to her. She jumps back to stand her ground, only to roll her eyes once she sees who it is.

 

"We've arrived, bitch!" Ezra says from the driver's seat in his normal voice, jumping out of the van - other cars on the road be damned - to give her a huge hug, "Why's your hand in your pocket? You got something there or are you trying to hide how happy you are to see me?"

 

"I would never hide something like that," Molly says, smiling slightly, "I was just about to tase you, no big deal."

 

Ezra gives her a softer glance, like he knows - of course he knows. Maybe not everything since she hasn't told Mason everything yet. Mason is usually one to keep his mouth shut but for some reason, Ezra can get Mason talking like it's nothing. So whatever Mason knows, Ezra likely knows.

 

"Can you wait for the exchange of pleasantries for when we actually get to the building?" Mason asks, leaning over from the passenger seat, then squints at Molly, "Hey, did you get a haircut? You haven't had it that short since we were kids."

 

Yeah, she's going to hold off on telling Mason.

 

"Come on! We'll drive you the last couple of blocks," Ezra insists, leading her to the open van door and letting her in first so that she's squished between them. The short ride starts out with a side hug from Mason and leads into excited chatter from Ezra, all while Mason sneaks fond and adoring glances at his boyfriend, probably thinking he's being subtle.

 

It's sweet. It's nice to watch a couple excited about a big move and a big step in their relationship. Ezra and Mason may have already been living together, but that house had been technically rented out by Craig Taylor. Molly won't lie, part of her loves the sense of irony brought on by her father paying for Mason's and Ezra's love cottage out in the middle of the woods, despite her dad's change of heart. However, this is closer to real life and a more serious step. Ezra has graduated - a little later than his peers at close to 24 years old. Molly only knows Ezra's birthday is December 24th because Mason had texted her two months ago to ask what she thought he should get him. But Molly gets it. Ezra deserves a good, well thought out gift. Part of the reason he had graduated late was because he had taken a gap year after graduating high school to stay on the Pine Ridge Native American Reservation, which his dad's side of the family is from, so that he could care for his mentally and physically ill alcoholic uncle. He apparently had a couple of significant losses as well, which delayed his start. While in college, he couldn't take as many credits as the other people in his class could since he needed to work to support himself, yet still often got leading roles in the plays and student films he worked on anyway because that's how talented he is. Molly had witnessed that for herself when she and Hunter saw him in a play back in July. Ezra may act peppy and youthful and fun, but from Molly's understanding, the dude has already seen some shit.

 

As for Mason? He is basically finished with college too, only needing one last internship before he gets his Bachelor's. He's probably not as emotionally mature as Ezra but he's getting there because of him. Despite being afraid of what their dad is going to say or do, Mason is young and is more in love than Molly has ever seen him. He might only be 21, but Ezra is quite possibly it for him. He looks at him the way Molly finds herself looking at Hunter. She was in the same position as they were recently. Happy, in love, and excited to be moving to New York with the man of her dreams (she's never fucking telling Hunter she thought of him in those terms, but it's true).

 

And now she's going to have to put a damper on it.

 

"Wait," Molly says as Ezra finishes parallel parking the moving van (she's impressed, Mason really did pick a good guy to go bi for), "Before we go in and get started on everything, you should uh...You should know something."

 

"What happened?" Mason asks, his expression already grim, "Is it Dad?"

 

"No," Molly says quickly to bring down Mason's nerves, "As far as I know, Dad's fine. I just wanted to let you know that someone who was important to Justin and Hunter died on Tuesday. I knew him and he was a really good person. He died in the train derailment in Philadelphia-"

 

"Eric Davisson?" Mason interrupts, leaving Molly surprised until he continues, "Big shot architect? His name is all over the news."

 

"That was a lucky guess," Molly gives him.

 

"Not really a guess," Mason corrects, "Brian Kinney's name was all over the news too. That was his husband, right?"

 

"Right," Molly answers and Mason nods.

 

"Kind of hard to forget Brian's name," Mason tells her, "His name was thrown around in my marketing classes on a regular basis and it was banned from Dad's house growing up. What happened to him fucking sucks."

 

" 'Fucking sucks'. God, why am I in love with an ex-frat boy?" Ezra groans.

 

"Technically, I am still a frat boy," Mason reminds him.

 

"But not in spirit!" Ezra insists, before sitting up in his seat, "And don't give me that whole 'once a Tri-Kap always a Tri-Kap' spiel. You said it once when we were fucking and yeah, it was funny but only because-"

 

"Both of you, stop. Now," Molly cuts in, wincing of the thought of hearing any more details.

 

Ezra quiets down as he looks at Molly, "I'm really sorry about your friend. I heard about it too. Hard not to. Is his daughter doing okay?"

 

"Yes, she woke up Wednesday night briefly and has been up since Thursday morning," Molly says, running her hand down her face, "Haven't heard much else other than she should make a full recovery but had a meltdown when Brian told her about Eric."

 

Ezra nods and looks away, "...That does fucking suck."

 

Molly lets out a huff, because yeah. For once, Mason's crude way of acknowledging trauma and pain is the only thing any of them can say, "Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up. They are going to be at the service and the dinner all day tomorrow and I'm going to stay with Lily and her friend at the hospital. We won't be around, so I'm sorry about that. And you should probably know that Justin is taking it pretty hard. Brian's obviously his ex but they got really close again in the last year. He got close with Eric too. Hunter has known Eric since Brian started dating him. So if they come off as antisocial or quiet, it isn't because of either of you."

 

"I mean, it might be a little bit because of me," Mason says. He may have a point.

 

"You better try with him, like we talked about earlier," Ezra says, getting out of the van, "Dude's about to become my boss. Your brother is becoming my boss. One of the most successful artists in the world is becoming my boss. And our landlord. I need to stop thinking about it."

 

If you ask Molly, Justin isn't all that impressive. She loves him and she knows he's extremely talented, but his life has been a hot mess on and off. She doesn't see the awe most other people seem to find. Maybe it's because she isn't a creative type, but she feels like Hunter would agree with her. Mason seems to, the way he's looking at Ezra, slightly annoyed. Until last April, Molly would have assumed Mason's reaction was because he's not much of a creative type either. He's into demographics, consumerism, and finances, which is true. He's good at that kind of stuff and has gotten a lot of things accomplished in securing grants and funds for businesses and causes despite not being a college graduate yet. But when she spoke to Ezra for the first time over the phone - after Mason had passed out drunk on his 21st birthday, emotional over the first and - as far as Molly knows - only real fight he has ever had with his boyfriend - she found out that Mason is a writer and apparently very good at it. She actually KNOWS how good he is now, considering he won an award under a pseudonym. She bought the magazine that short story was published in, then toyed with whether it would make Mason uncomfortable if she called him up and told him how much she loved it. Most of the news regarding her brother and his talent comes from Ezra. She knows about The New Yorker contacting him and requesting some of his work too. Ezra had told her, gushing about it with pride, all while she felt hurt that Mason had never said a word and hid his interest in writing as well as his talent from everyone - apparently for several years. So while Molly might not get the awe some people have for Justin, Mason might get it, now that she thinks about it. Maybe Mason isn't showing it because he's jealous Ezra is talking about another guy. Maybe it's because Mason barely knows Justin at all.

 

They'll get to know each other. She really wants that to happen. And maybe with Ezra around, Mason will be more open and willing to share more of himself with all of them. Ezra seems to ground Mason and get him to open up in a way she has never seen from her younger brother. And Ezra is the type of person who can make a friend within seconds. She's not worried about Ezra and Justin not getting along. Ezra could be a good person to get Mason and Justin to bond in a way she has never accomplished.

 

"Do you want to see the place first?" Molly asks, shaking herself out of her thoughts just as her phone vibrates in her non-taser wielding pocket. Hunter.

 

"Not kidnapped or dead in a back alley," she says quickly, then hangs up before he can get anything out.

 

"I want to know what the fuck Seth did. And why you or Dad didn't say shit to me about it," Mason blurts out, as if her response to Hunter triggered him. As soon as she opens her mouth, Mason talks over her, "I don't give a fuck if I was finishing up the semester. I literally don't care how logical your reasons are for not saying a word-"

 

"Hey, remember whatever happened affected her the most. I know you're upset, I get it," Ezra says gently, then steps back up into the truck to say something that Molly can't hear. All she sees is Ezra putting a hand on Mason's cheek and Mason settles down after that, as if Ezra just worked some sort of soothing magic on him.

 

Yeah. She approves of him and she likes him. A lot. Mason really did pick a good guy.

 

"We're talking about it tonight," Mason says, after getting out of the van.

 

"Fine," Molly says, leading the way, "Let me get a hold of Justin. See if he will meet us at the door."

-----------------------

It's awkward, but not as awkward as previous gatherings involving Mason have been.

 

Ezra being there actually helps a lot. When Justin meets them in front of their apartment, spare keys in hand, Ezra is friendly and personable in his greeting and he gets along with him easily when they all eat breakfast together, then unload the truck only to go back out and grab some hand-me-down furniture from Hunter's and Molly's storage unit. Hunter had been super on point in his description of Ezra. Enthusiastic and sweet like Emmett, projecting and outspoken like Debbie, all with a commanding and charismatic presence like Brian.

 

He's also really fucking hot like Brian. It's the only thing Hunter hadn't warned him about. Justin can see why Mason might have gone gay for him. While Justin has never been convinced that one person can change someone else's sexuality, he had witnessed Brian seduce supposedly straight guys into bottoming like it was nothing. He's sure Ezra's relationship with Mason is more loving and complex than that. From what Justin's heard, they're monogamous and have been for a while. But he can also see a likely ability that Ezra has: to awaken something in people and make them suddenly want him.

 

Not that Justin does, because that would be rude as Mason's...whatever and inappropriate as Ezra's boss. He just sees why Mason would be willing to abandon his original comfort zone and be down for a relationship with Ezra. Going by his employment paperwork, Ezra is even a few months younger than Nathan and Nathan had been a huge change from his 'same age or older' norm, despite being one of the most significant lovers in his life. Justin just sees the appeal and he would rather focus on that (and occasionally check him out) than what he's been thinking about all morning. Checking out guys is so much more preferable than what's going on in his mind. Checking out guys is a norm and he wants the clusterfuck of grief and guilt going on in his mind to stop-

 

"He's super hot, right?" Molly says to him quietly, as if she had been reading at least some of his thoughts, "When I first saw pictures of him, I was in shock, even more so when I met him in person. But it definitely made sense as to why Mason abandoned his straightness. I mean, look at the way he carries himself. All confident and secure but too sweet to be cocky, plus his cheekbones and his jaw line and his eyes and his body -"

 

"Molly Taylor, I can hear every thirsty word coming out of your mouth," Ezra says as soon as he finishes situating the couch before turning around to face her, "And I love it. All three Taylor siblings, wanting a piece of this? It's my dream. You're all my type. I am not opposed to letting you have a slice to satisfy your curiosities."

 

Ezra lets himself drop on the couch as soon as Mason walks in with an end table before looking at his boyfriend, "But alas, while I can give you my body, could I truly give you my heart? I think not, for this man who stands above me owns it."

 

"Why are you talking like Shakespeare?" Mason asks, looking down at the other man strangely while Hunter carries in a microwave.

 

Ezra sits up like he's offended, "That's barely Shakespeare. You KNOW how I feel about him, Mason, so you don't get to be frustrated about the rant I am about to go on now. Shakespeare? He is completely overrated. There, I said it! You can quote me unless I ever get cast in Shakespeare in the Park, then it's deny, deny, deny. But since that isn't happening at the moment, I feel comfortable around all of you enough to say that my boyfriend has wounded me with his words by comparing me to works that mainly encompass typical, suffering white man, Elizabethan era bullshit...no offense to any of you."

 

"None taken," Justin snorts.

 

"You're exhausting," Mason says as he takes the spot where Ezra's head just was, causing Ezra to lie back down and use Mason's lap as a pillow as their fingers intertwine and they talk to each other at too low of a level for Justin to hear. Even though there are a few more things to be done, they give them a few moments to relax and be coupley. If they can have a happy and relatively carefree day today, then Justin wants it for them, even though Justin definitely can't. He's never been the type to want everyone to suffer with him. He's hoping their happiness can rub off on him - or at least continue to distract him. But it might not work that way, considering the way the whole tone of the room changes once Mason's phone starts ringing.

 

"It's Dad," Mason mutters, causing everyone in the room to stare at him, waiting, "What am I supposed to say to him?"

 

"What you would normally say?" Molly suggests, then sighs when the phone stops ringing, "Mason, seriously. If you aren't ready to tell him about you and Ezra, fine. But you can't start ghosting him until you are ready. He knows you moved up here with him, that roommates for young people aren't uncommon at all, especially here. Just let him know you are almost done getting your stuff in and that you and Ezra are getting settled."

 

"Yeah, dude," Hunter says as he comes over to stand next to Molly, "He's not going to ask if you're balls deep in him or anything."

 

"Ew, Hunter!" Molly exclaims, like the hypocrite that she is, considering she has over shared with Justin on her sex life with Hunter too many fucking times in the last month to count.

 

"Actually," Ezra says, sitting up again, "We believe in equal opportunity. But much more often than not? It's the other way arou-"

 

Mason slaps his hand over Ezra's mouth before he can finish his sentence and makes him lie back down.

 

"If it means anything..." Justin starts, all while Molly perks up and looks at Justin encouragingly, as if she's dying for them to bond. It makes him want to say something even less, but whatever, "If it means anything, I don't think he's going to get all that upset. He comes to see me pretty often now and was really sorry about how things went down. Besides, he will probably approve of Ezra a lot more than he ever did of Brian…"

 

He hates thinking of Brian. He hates saying his name. Even if it's about the Brian from before, it's still a grief-stricken and heartbroken Brian that pops up in his head.

 

"...The age gap didn't help," Justin says, moving on after swallowing past a lump in his throat, "He may have had a career that Dad would have approved of, but the timing and the circumstances made it hard and a lot of ignorance and hate built up because of it. He might have reacted a little differently if it was someone closer to my age. Maybe it would have been the same back then, but I don't know. I just don't think he would ever distance himself from one of his kids ever again, especially after what the guilt did to his mental health. You shouldn't tell him this second, obviously. Wait until things settle down and you're in more of a routine and less stressed. But uh...But we can be there when you do want to tell him. We can back you and Ezra up, if that's something you feel like you need."

 

Mason stares at him for a moment, then nods silently. Everyone else in the room is silent too, waiting for one of them to speak first.

 

"I should call him back, I guess," Mason says, unlocking his phone, "Let him know we got here okay. You're right, on not saying anything about Ezra and me over the phone right now, but just in case there's something going on with him or the call gets…I'm just going to take it in the bedroom."

 

The living room gets a lot quieter after Mason leaves the room, as if no one really knows what to say. But Ezra, almost predictably, is the first one to break it. However, he sounds more serious than Justin has heard him as of yet.

 

"Thank you for saying that," Ezra says quietly from the couch, causing all eyes to turn to him, "Madison came up to help us pack. Insisted on it. She's been sort of desperate to see him since Mason has been keeping his distance after she left your dad and got with some other guy. When he goes down to Pittsburgh, he stays with Craig and Madison is lucky to get a lunch out of him. But uh...he told her. She didn't take it very well."

 

"Oh no," Molly says under her breath, then speaks up, "What did she say?"

 

"It…" Ezra says, then looks away, "It could have gone worse. She didn't disown him or give him an ultimatum. But she thinks he's confused. She sort of insinuated she thought he was having a nervous breakdown from being so busy with school, so that's sort of insulting."

 

"That's pretty fucking insulting," Hunter agrees, "Did she say anything about you?"

 

"Well, she's liked me for the longest time," Ezra says, "She thought I was a positive influence on Mason and could get him to broaden his horizons. And I think that's right. I have successfully done that, in the last way Madison was expecting. She's not my biggest fan right now, I'm sure. She thinks I seduced Mason when he was emotionally vulnerable and craving a male figure in his life due to the divorce and 'Mason lacking a biological connection to Craig'. I'm two years older than him. I doubt I am going to satisfy any daddy issues he has. Anyway, I told her that I'm in love with him and it didn't seem to get her to take our relationship more seriously. She was talking about coming up to New York for Christmas, even though we really don't want to do much. I guess Katie, Mason's aunt, is coming to spend the holidays in Pittsburgh. Mason's uncles too. She thought it might be good for them all to take a trip up to see Mason but I don't know if she's going to do that now."

 

"Well...Madison can be a bitch," Molly says, then clarifies, "She's not terrible. She's not. She went to a lot of my ice skating tournaments and took me shopping when I would stay with Dad. She took a lot of time decorating my room at the house. She even gave Dad gifts for me and Hunter so that he could bring them up for Thanksgiving. She cares a lot. But she also cares a lot about image and how people view her, probably stemming from the fact she had Mason when she was in high school and got discriminated against because of it. She got kicked out by her super religious parents when she got pregnant, she and Mason lived in a shelter on and off for years, there was a really abusive boyfriend she had when Mason was young. It was a lot. She only had a small studio when she met Dad, but that was more than she had ever had on her own. There are reasons as to why Madison is the way that she is. A lot of it comes from having to survive the way that she did for so long and due to the trauma from that. She really does love Mason a lot. I can't see her disowning him over this. I can't say the same about her brothers - they're fucking assholes. But her sister, Katie, is a good person. She's sort of wild and only a few years older than me. When Madison's mom passed, she and Dad took Katie in for about a year until Katie finished high school. I still talk to her. I'll...I can call her and see if she's interested in coming to New York sometime soon, if not for the holidays. I won't out Mason to her, but I can tell her that he's missing her or something. It would give Mason someone else in the family who backs him besides me...and Justin and Hunter.

 

Justin doesn't know how he feels being included as a family member in the know, he really doesn't. But he meant it when he said he was going to try to get closer to Mason - for Molly's sake but also for Mason's and maybe even his dad's - so he keeps his mouth shut and lets Molly be right.

 

Anyway, Katie will accept Mason in a heartbeat," Molly continues, "Madison...she'll probably need some time, but she loves Mason too much to just drop him. She is essentially a hardened person who just wants things to be perfect and easy - for herself but also for him. There are a lot of control issues there. Plus, with the views her parents had on gay people when she was growing up and seeing how gay people have been treated, she is probably very concerned for his safety and frustrated with him because she didn't see this coming."

 

"I think that's part of it too," Ezra says, nodding, "I mean, Mason has never been interested in a specific guy until me, let alone in a relationship with one. It's not like she found out he was just curious and had a one night stand with a guy or something. It blindsided her. She still agreed not to tell Craig or anyone else and I think she was telling the truth on that. It just...her reaction just didn't help. I think she will come around once the shock wears off and she sees we are still together but Mason isn't perceiving it that way right now."

 

"Of course he's not," Molly says, "He didn't even tell me that he told her and we've talked almost every day the last few weeks."

 

"Sounds like you both will have a lot to talk about," Ezra says, "Mason's coming out experience with his mother, whatever that Seth fucker did-"

 

"Oh, you haven't told them what he did?" Hunter interrupts, giving Molly a pointed look, "Molly, they need to fucking know."

 

But before Molly can get more than a frustrated groan out, Mason comes out of the bedroom and back into the living room, causing the room to quiet down once more. Mason looks around at each of them, as if he's scrutinizing what conversations he missed.

 

"None of you are being subtle in your silence. I know you were gossiping," Mason says, letting out a huff before going over to sit down in Molly's old oversized swivel chair. One pout from Ezra has him going back over to the couch.

 

"Because we care about you. Sort of," Molly gives him before her approach softens, "Everything go okay with Dad?"

 

Mason nods, "No big conversations about me. Just that we got moved in and that he was going to try to visit in a few days for Christmas. Said he could get a hotel room. I told him Mom and her family might come up, even though they probably won't now. He didn't seem to mind. He still talks to Mom, I guess, but still. I didn't know how to tell him we weren't doing anything this year. Didn't have it in me. I don't think he wants to be alone."

 

"Well…" Molly starts, then comes over to sit down in the swivel chair, "If he gets a hotel room, I doubt he will catch on. Dad's gaydar sucks. He didn't even suspect Justin was gay until he came out and that's just ridiculous."

 

"I am not that obvious," Justin says right before Hunter snorts out his sip of water at his claim.

 

"Speaking of," Mason says, meeting Justin's eyes, "Dad wanted me to tell you that he was sorry to hear about Eric. And that he's keeping Brian and their kid in his thoughts."

 

The whole room falls silent once more, but this time out of pure shock. Dad extending his condolences should make Justin feel better. It should make him feel like he doesn't have to tiptoe around the fact that Brian is (was? had been?) his friend whenever his father is in New York. That maybe they can be in the same room as Brian one day and not make Justin want to sink through the floor and cease to exist.

 

But it doesn't accomplish any of those things. It just makes him think about Brian and thinking about Brian makes him feel depressed.

-------------------------

"But I w-want you to stay h-here!"

 

Brian lets out a breath as his daughter continues to wail and cling onto his jacket with the one good arm she has. Her having emotional breakdowns over small shit the last few days has been common. She threw her soup across the room when she didn't like it. She screamed and kicked the nurse with her good leg when he wanted to wheel her away for an MRI to check on her concussion. She told Brian to shut up when he told her she couldn't throw things or kick people because she was upset. On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, she had horrible nightmares that she refused to talk about. Brian hates thinking it, hates thinking that he just wants to get away from her, but she is fucking exhausting and has been on and off since she woke up. He is happy she is alive and she's going to heal. It's the only fucking thing he can be happy about right now. But that sliver of happiness is tainted because Lily isn't Lily. It's like parts of her have died with Eric - Brian's favorite parts - and have left him with some trauma infested shell of a daughter.

 

He's a horrible human being for feeling that way. He already knows that. He's a selfish one too. But he just wants to sleep on something that isn't a cot or a recliner, even though he already knows he isn't going to sleep much tonight at all.

 

"It's one night," Brian says softly, trying to come off more paternal than he feels as he kneels down, "Hey, shhhh. I just need to get some rest before tomorrow, okay? I'll be back tomorrow evening. Duncan and Molly are going to be here in the morning. That should be fun for you-"

 

"I don't w-want you to leave me!" Lily wails, her breath hiccupping with her cries.

 

Brian closes his eyes, "Honey, it's just one night. Jess is going to stay with you tonight so you won't be alone-"

 

"I HATE YOU!!!"

 

The words leave him in shock and he tries to work past them, he does.

 

He just can't.

 

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he rasps out, reaching out to pat her knee just as Jess walks in, "I'm making you more upset. I'll...I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

 

Brian stands up at full height and walks out of the room before he can think too much on it. He doesn't say another word to Lily. He doesn't even say anything to Jess. He just tries to block out Lily's hysterical and inconsolable crying that's echoing down the hall. Most of what she says is no longer understandable to Brian's ears. The only word that he can make out clearly is 'Papa'.

 

It makes him want to fucking drop dead. He prays for a brain aneurysm all the way to the car. Maybe if his prayers are answered, he can convince whatever higher power there might be to let him and Eric switch places. There's still time. Eric isn't getting cremated until Monday. He can have his body back and Brian's body can burn until it's ash.

 

He doesn't know if it's Lily's harsh words to him or the fact that his ideal death wish can never happen, but as soon as he closes the car door, he's screaming and hitting the steering wheel until his skin on his knuckles starts to break. It doesn't make things better but it doesn't make things any worse either. It lets his emotions leak out a little, just enough so he won't explode. It is only when his head is resting against the wheel and he's breathing heavily that he feels safe enough to drive. But before he can bring himself to pull on the gear shift, his phone rings.

 

Emmett. Again.

 

"Yeah?" Brian says as soon as he accepts the call, sounding hoarser than he'd like.

 

"Hey, baby," Emmett says, trying to sound nonchalant as though he's just calling to chat about how their days are going, "Just checking in, seeing if you need anything."

 

"I'm fine," Brian says and leaves it at that.

 

"Well, um…" Emmett starts, clearing his throat, "I'm in the city. Just picking some things up for the dinner tomorrow. I was going to swing by and drop some stuff off. Maybe keep you and Gus company for a while."

 

Brian closes his eyes, "You can leave the stuff with Gus. I'm not home right now."

 

"Okay, sure," Emmett says, "You with Lily?"

 

"Not anymore," Brian says darkly then blurts out, "She fucking hates me."

 

"What?" Emmett says, sounding alarmed and confused, "Brian, I'm not sure where you got that idea but you know that isn't true. She adores you, baby."

 

"Not anymore."

 

"Is this about how she's been acting the last couple of days?" Emmett presses, "Because if it is, you know that she's not going to act like that forever. She's hurting right now, in more ways than one. She's going to need a lot of time, attention, and support. But whatever happened to make you think she hates you isn't because she actually has any negative feelings about you."

 

"The exact words came out of her mouth. Pretty hard to interpret them as her feeling anything else."

 

Emmett is already talking over him, "No, no, no. She may have said it but she doesn't mean it. Plenty of kids have said they hated their parents, whether it was to their faces or not. She would have never said that if she weren't hurting, both physically and emotionally. And she's four years old. If we can barely handle what's happening in our hearts and our heads, she definitely can't. We just got to be patient with her, baby. We can't take the things she's saying or doing to heart. We just need to help her through those moments while she's getting better."

 

"Hmmm," Brian tries to acknowledge. He doesn't know what else to say.

 

"Why don't I stick around and meet you back at the house?" Emmett suggests, "You can tell me what happened if you want. Maybe we can brainstorm on how to help her feel a little better."

 

Brian lets out a humorless laugh, "Nothing is going to make her feel better. Nothing except getting Eric back and that's never going to fucking happen, is it? I pulled the plug, I fucking killed him, I should know that he's gone for good."

 

Emmett's silence on the line is suddenly deafening and Brian thinks about just hanging up before Emmett must sense that he's tempted and speaks up.

 

"....Brian, honey, why don't you meet me at your house? You're scaring me. We can talk. About whatever you want. Or not. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I think you should come straight home."

 

Brian sniffles at the sound of the word. Home. Home. It doesn't fucking feel like a home. Home is where his family is supposed to be. Gus is at the house, but Lily is in the hospital and Eric is lying in some coffin rental at the funeral home. His family is fucking shattered and unrecognizable to him now. Eric is not supposed to be dead. Lily is not supposed to act like a completely different child the majority of the time. Gus isn't supposed to feel like he has to take care of his father.

 

Brian did this. He caused this, caused his house to not feel like his home anymore, caused Eric to die, broke his daughter. He deserves to be dead. It's what he wants. Not as badly as he wants Eric alive and with him again but death is actually attainable. He could end it all immediately if he had the guts.

 

But he can't say that.

 

"I don't want to go there," Brian says instead, "I don't want to be in that house right now."

 

"Okay," Emmett says placatingly, although his voice sounds too shaky to be pulled off as calm, "Okay, why don't you meet me at my place then? You can stay the night. I'll go pack you a bag, get your suit, pick up Gus, then meet you in Hoboken."

 

Brian doesn't want that either but the idea of going to Emmett's doesn't make him feel sick like going back to the house does.

 

"Alright," Brian says quietly. He hangs up before Emmett can say anything else.

Chapter End Notes:

Thanks for reading! Mason was introduced in LAX<==> PIT so I wanted to give his (in person) introduction here, as well as Ezra's. Next chapter is the funeral :/  Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!

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