Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
Author's Chapter Notes:

While two halves of two couples look towards the future, a little girl stays very much in the present.

When Justin first wakes up the following morning, his mind goes on a weird track. He thinks of Brian first. That’s been a norm for the past week, so it isn’t surprising. Then, he thinks of Eric and the thought of him makes Justin feel teary eyed and depressed, so he moves onto thinking of Lily getting out of the hospital soon. It’s a slightly better thought, but it makes him start to think of bills and paperwork and he begins to wonder if everything has been settled. Brian obviously has no money concerns when it comes to paying for Lily’s hospital bills, as well as the ones Eric left behind. Brian would probably have them on a plan he uses with Kinnetik as well. But thinking of that reminds him that he needs to get Ezra’s health insurance, life insurance, and whatever else sorted. He should probably get that settled with him today, even though he feels a sense of guilt at the thought since his family is in. Justin should probably feel guilty about leaving his own mother as well, since she stayed the night and is apparently staying with him until after New Year's, but he doesn't. He's more focused on the fact that he is going to have to educate Ezra on the plans and that’s never been his thing. Ever. He hired Iliana before hiring anyone else when he opened the gallery so that he wouldn’t have to deal with paperwork other than picking out plans that would benefit the people who work for him the best. That’s the only reason he feels like he can do this at all. If he hadn’t picked out everything he wanted for his employees, he would feel absolutely lost right now. As soon as Iliana gets back, she’s getting a raise. Sometimes he forgets he even has her on staff. She stays in her office and slips in and out often undetected, keeping things running smoothly. He doesn’t notice how much she does until she’s actually not around. If he didn’t like Ezra so much, he would probably be pissed at himself and Ezra unfairly for deciding to hire him in December and setting him up for a January 1st start date. Iliana goes to Greece for a month in December. Things are always harder in December and now Justin knows why.

 

Ezra doesn’t seem upset when he asks if they can go to the gallery to work on some paperwork for an hour or two. He weirdly seems excited when he hears the words ‘health insurance’, which is whatever because at least SOMEONE is excited. Mason doesn’t seem even the least bit fazed or uncomfortable at the thought of being left with his boyfriend’s family. That must be nice. Justin doesn’t think he’s ever been close to any of his boyfriends’ families. Some for obvious reasons. Brian’s parents both sucked and one of them has been dead for years. And Nathan’s parents are both dead, one unfortunately and one very fortunately. Out of the four, he would probably only want to meet and spend time with Nathan’s mother, Dima, since she seemed like a good (albeit broken and tragic) woman. He’d probably end up in a screaming match with Brian’s mother, before punching Brian’s father, and torturing and killing Nathan’s father.

 

Mason just makes his practically in-laws breakfast, all while Cheyenne fawns over him and claims he doesn’t have to. Ezra kisses his boyfriend goodbye, plans to meet him and his family back at the apartment before lunch so that they can go out to eat and do some touristy things around the city, and follows Justin out the door.

 

Molly tags along too, for some reason. Justin has no reason why she invited herself. She claims that Hunter is doing a bunch of pre-production shit and that he’s in hyperfocus mode but he thinks that she just wants to watch him struggle to do someone else's job.

 

“Alright,” Justin says, setting down some papers on his table in front of Ezra, all while Ezra looks at him patiently and Molly looks way too ready for him to do someone else’s job, “This is the COBRA paperwork. It deals with keeping your health insurance benefits if you would lose your position, be furloughed, need to go on extended leave, whatever. This just ensures that you and anyone on your plan can stay on as needed. We pay most of the premium for that.”

 

Ezra nods thoughtfully, “I appreciate that. But I should probably hear what the health insurance is first.”

 

“Are you just reading the papers in whatever order they came out of the printer?” Molly asks, only smiling when Justin shoots a glare at her but decides to ultimately ignore her and focus on Ezra instead.

 

“We’re under Oscar,” Justin says, sifting through papers, “We offer the Platinum. You can take the Gold, it’s a little cheaper. That being said, if you would end up in the hospital for five days under the Gold, you will end up paying a five hundred dollar copay per day for up to five days, while you just pay a one time 750 dollar copay for a multiple day stay. I pay the same percentage of the premium, regardless of what you choose. Are you wanting to put Mason on your plan or is he still on Dad’s?”

 

Ezra sits up at the mere mention of Mason, as if bringing him into the conversation makes this process one hundred times more important, “He’s still on Craig’s, technically, but I think he would be out of network here. He was on Dartmouth's while we lived in New Hampshire - so was I - but their network was super small. I can put Mason on my plan even though we’re not married?”

 

Justin nods, “I made sure to choose somewhere that allows domestic partners. You’ve been living with him for over a year and have proof of that. There should be no issue. It will cost more per month to have him on there, but I pay ninety five percent of the premium for employees and ninety percent for their dependents.”

 

Molly sputters, “Justin, that’s insane. Do you even make money off of this place or not?”

 

Justin shrugs, “Surprisingly, yes. Or at least my employees do. Like I’ve told you, I didn’t open this place for me. Any excess money that doesn't go into salaries, paying the artists, upkeep, whatever, goes towards bonuses for the staff. If you are that concerned about what I spend on health insurance premiums, we can usually take care of the prices I spend on them per month within a few sales, sometimes only one sale if we are headlining a big name. When I put my own work in here, we are set on that front for at least a year.”

 

“Ah, there’s that big head,” Molly says knowingly, then rolls her eyes, “Rich people suck.”

 

“Hunter made at least a quarter mil this year, you’re a hypocrite,” Ezra says, waving her off as he fully focuses on Justin, “So I can add Mason to my plan? How is the deductible? What about mental health services? I meant it when I said Mason should continue seeing a therapist. He is doing so much better - he’s more confident and at peace with himself than I have ever seen him - but late fall to mid spring were really rough times for him. I can’t get into it, it’s his business, but there are multiple kinds of trauma he needs to continue to sort through and it’s not only about him coming out to his family. There’s other stuff. And I have trauma too. I would go if that gets him to go, if we can afford the copay for two people. So what’s the copay?”

 

“...You know, you could have just asked that question,” Justin says, then looks through the cost breakdown, “It’s a ten dollar copay for outpatient services when it comes to in network therapists and doctors and a 750 dollar copay if a psychiatric hospital stay would be needed."

 

Ezra sits back in his seat, looking satisfied, “Good. He’ll have no excuse to say no now. Unfortunately, neither will I. Oh well.”

 

But Molly looks agitated, “You have referred to trauma Mason has gone through multiple times but you will not say a word about any of it. Why?”

 

Ezra lets out a groan, “It’s not my trauma to divulge, Molly. I shouldn’t have betrayed his trust as much as I did by telling you he had trauma at all, but I felt like it was important that you knew that since he was such a mess on his visit back home. He had been going through stuff even before Caleb outed him to the whole frat. I feel like if he hadn’t had stuff dredged up about something entirely different in the fall and getting outed was the only problem, he wouldn’t have been nearly as upset about everything. Maybe at the thought of his parents catching wind of it, but that’s it. What you saw in April was a build up of a lot of things, things he has been working really hard on since then and needs to continue to work on. I hope that by doing so, he will talk to you about what happened to him before and I hope that he will talk more about it to me than he already has.”

 

Justin doesn’t have anything to say to that. Molly doesn’t either, although it looks like she wants to argue.

 

“Anyway, what happens if I die?” Ezra asks, changing gears completely, “What if I trip off the subway platform and fall onto the third rail? What if I have an undetected heart condition and Mason finds me in our bed completely unrevivable?”

 

“We would put Mason on suicide watch,” Molly says seriously, glancing at Justin, “No, I’m serious. He could NOT be left alone. I may not know Mason as well as Ezra does, but I know him a lot better than you do. He was sobbing in a fucking nightclub drunk out of his mind after he had one fight with him, convinced he would lose him forever. He wouldn’t be able to handle Ezra dying. At all.”

 

Molly turns to Ezra and tilts her head, “Especially since he has past traumas you are taking to the grave. I won’t begin to know where to sort through those.”

 

“I’m ignoring you,” Ezra decides, then turns to Justin, “And that’s not what I was talking about anyway. I was talking about what would happen to his insurance if I die.”

 

Justin tries to think of all of the rules pertaining to that and grabs the COBRA papers again, “If you sign up with COBRA, it lets him stay on for eighteen months after your death. Usually, he would need to pay the whole premium in that case but I wouldn’t do that to him.”

 

“Yes, we promise you that Mason will be taken care of when you kick the bucket,” Molly says, then grabs the life insurance policy, “You should probably leave any life insurance money to your parents though.”

 

Ezra looks through the life insurance papers and hums, “I can name more than one beneficiary. Mom, Dad, and Mason can split it three ways. Mason would probably hand his portion over but I want to take care of him. I love him so much, Molly, you don’t understand.”

 

Justin watches the younger man across from him dramatically throw himself back in the seat and feels amused by the sight, “You seem even more lovesick than you seemed yesterday.”

 

Ezra meets his eyes and nods, “It’s because I am. I am even more in love with Mason than I was yesterday, and I didn’t think that was possible. He brought my family in. He even got my grandma to convince herself to take a bus halfway across the country. She’s going to be here tonight. Sort of a bitch, by the way, but just act like she’s cute until you actually believe it and you’ll start to like her. But Mason just...he saved up for months to fly my mom, dad, and uncle out here. I haven’t seen my uncle this happy in years. I think the change of scenery is really helping him. Mason loves my family like I do and they love him and it’s more than I ever could have asked for. Plus, the thank you sex last night was the BEST.”

 

“Ugh,” Molly mutters, shuddering.

 

“Thanks for giving them the spare apartment,” Ezra says, beaming, before looking at Molly with a glint in his eye, “I had Mason moaning. I’m surprised you didn’t hear-”

 

“Stop,” Molly says abruptly, “Can’t you go on and on about your hypothetical death again and act like you are just concerned for your husband in case the worst does happen? A much better conversation.”

 

“He’s not my husband,” Ezra says, shifting in his seat, “Yet. I want him to be one day. If things get settled with his parents soon like we plan on, then I want to propose to him after he graduates. Next July, probably. We were talking about a trip in July. I’ll probably do it then. I have to think of something super romantic though-”

 

“Woah, wait,” Molly says, giving Ezra a triple take, “You want to propose to Mason? In seven months?”

 

Ezra nods, smiling pleasantly, “I’ve been sitting on the idea for a while. I’ve talked to Deirdre and Hallie about it but that’s it. I’m feeling much more sure of it now that he told Madison about us. He blindsided me with that one. He just said it while we were moving boxes, like he couldn’t keep it in anymore. He decided last night that he’s telling Craig after the dinner. And he didn’t say it in a way that was pondering. He was very decisive about it and said that Craig can just deal if he doesn’t like it and that he’ll get private loans for his last semester or drop out if the worst happens. I don’t think the worst is going to happen and I am not going to let him drop out especially when he only has one class left that isn't even a class, but yeah. I don’t know if I am supposed to get an engagement ring for him though. Do guys get other guys engagement rings? I feel like if I get him one, then I need to get myself one and he’ll get pissy because he didn’t get to pick mine out-”

 

Molly sighs, “You do realize that you’re only turning 24, right? And Mason will only be 22 when this planned engagement is going to take place-”

 

“Always the voice of reason, I love that about you,” Ezra says, still grinning.

 

“You also know that you’re working on your acting career and already have accolades,” Molly continues, “You’re phenomenal and you’re gorgeous. You also have a movie coming out in January. You might make it big like that. What about all of the beautiful actors and actresses who you might work with? Are you sure you want to commit that seriously so young?”

 

“Yes,” Ezra nods, not even hesitating, “I think that if Mason says yes, we would have a longer engagement anyway. We would want time to save up for a beautiful wedding and honeymoon. It wouldn’t be because I wouldn’t want to marry him right then and there though. I don’t care about other people. Like, at all. Not romantically or sexually, at least. Why have sex with someone else when I have Mason? Why even fantasize about anyone when I have him? If you would have told me pre-Mason that I would be talking like this, I wouldn’t believe you at all. I’d probably be too busy trying to seduce you and would find your supposed fortunes quirky or eccentric, but also charming. But Mason’s demisexual ways rubbed off on me or something. I don’t know. I literally want no one but him."

 

Molly lets out a sigh, "I'm just saying that you have time. I completely approve, you know this. I consider you my brother-in-law already despite you only being with Mason for a year and a half. But young engagements don't always work out. Justin got engaged at 22 and look at him now."

 

Justin glances up from the paperwork and lets out an offended scoff, "Wow. Seriously, Molly? You went there?"

 

But Ezra gestures at Justin approvingly, "He and Brian may have broken up but Justin is a multi-millionaire artist with adorable twins coming this spring. He has family and loved ones surrounding him, can get whoever he wants, and is even friends with his ex-fiancé. Things worked out for Justin in their own way."

 

They didn't work out for Brian. Until a little over a week ago, Brian was the one who had the more ideal life. Now Justin's life is seen as the one to envy. The thought doesn't cross Justin's mind out of smugness. It's pure sadness. Brian deserved the great life he had built for himself as much as Justin deserved this one. It isn't fair.

 

"Your bestie, Hazel, and her wife worked out. They're young," Ezra continues, "I'm glad she and Samira agreed to come for the dinner. I like Hazel. I've only met her in person twice but we just click. I may steal her from you."

 

"She is still pissed you didn't come to her wedding, but she's excited to see you again," Molly tells him, "Jennifer Lawrence came to her wedding and you didn't. Weird world."

 

"Yes, I am really sad for missing JLaw," Ezra pouts, "She asked Justin to dance, she asked Mason to dance. But that was the whole point I didn't go. I wouldn't have been able to ask my boyfriend to dance because of the people in attendance. Maybe everything would have sped up and Craig would have found out then, but maybe I would have had to dance with random people while I watched Mason longingly as he danced with JLaw. I love dancing with Mason. So much. It's my favorite thing. We slow danced on a castle terrace on our first official date in front of a bunch of strangers. He asked me. On our last night in New Hampshire, we put the same song on and slow danced in our empty kitchen. Like, I can't contain the love I have for him. I wouldn't have been able to hide it at the wedding and I don't think he would have been able to either. You wouldn't understand."

 

"You're right," Molly says as she nods, "Your sappiness with each other is completely foreign to normal couples. Most people would not be sent into a lovesick tangent while filling out health insurance paperwork. You are lucky your boss isn't some rando."

 

Ezra rolls his eyes as he begins to check things off and sign things. Well, I wouldn't be sent into a lovesick tangent if I was around a random person...probably. You're Mason's family. Of course I will be thinking of Mason more around you than I would around other people. You're sure I can put Mason down as my spouse?"

 

"It will have you clarify later, but yeah," Justin says, "I put Nathan on mine. I think Nathan is still on mine, even though we're broken up. I should probably change that. Or keep it if he doesn't have insurance. I don't know."

 

Ezra raises his eyebrows, "You're paying for your ex's health insurance? May I ask why?"

 

Justin lets out a sigh, "Because I still care for him very deeply."

 

"Yeah, Justin has very complex relationships with his exes," Molly says, watching Justin carefully, "I mean, Miguel and I still occasionally check in with each other. Same goes for Hunter and Hannah. But there isn't anything lingering. Justin and Nathan broke up in April yet hooked up a few days ago."

 

Justin sits up in his seat and points a finger at his sister, "You know nothing. I never told you shit about that."

 

"Nathan told me a little," Molly says, dismissing him, "I walked him to the subway. I'm still friends with him. Anyway, the feelings are very strong and complex with those two. Nathan is actually just a few months older than you, Ezra. He's mainly a musician but he just got off broadway. You should meet him. You and Mason would probably get along with him really well. Unless that would be weird for you, Justin."

 

Justin shakes his head, "No. It wouldn't be weird. Nathan needs as many friends as he can get. I want him to have that, even if it means some awkwardness between us."

 

Ezra stares at Justin for a moment, then gives him a small smile, "That's very sweet of you. It's selfless and kind. You are the best ex anyone could ask for."

 

Justin lets out a huff, "I can't tell if that's a backhanded compliment or not."

 

Ezra shakes his head, "It isn't. I can't imagine breaking up with Mason at all whatsoever. That being said, if we did break up - which we won't - I would still want happiness for him. I would still want to be in his life. Even if he cheated on me or completely broke my heart, I still would still know that I shared some of the best memories of my life with him. I would want to be a supportive friend to him, like you are being to Nathan, complex interactions, relapse hookups, and all."

 

That...Okay, that's actually sort of sweet and insightful.

 

"I'll see if he and Petra are busy on Christmas Eve," Justin says, then winces, "Christmas isn't really a good holiday for Nathan though. He lost his mom on Christmas."

 

Ezra looks sympathetic and nods, "What about his dad? Would his dad want to come?"

 

Justin isn't going to unpack that. At all. He has never told anyone. That's Nathan's story, and a horrific, terrible story at that. But he can't hold everything back. It's as if he's physically unable to. Maybe it's because he has witnessed wonderful parenting with Ezra's parents and his own mother. Maybe it's because a father who deserved to watch his daughters grow up just lost his life, while Victor Hall stayed in Nathan's life for sixteen years until Nathan had to take the man out himself.

 

"Nathan's father is dead," Justin says, his voice sounding cold, "Never met him, but he is not missed at all. He was a monster. That's all I can say about it. But Nathan doesn't have parents or siblings. He doesn't have any aunts, uncles, or grandparents that he knows of. He has some close friends but no family at all whatsoever."

 

Ezra doesn't push the topic. Instead, he just bites his lip and looks more decisive.

 

"He should definitely come then," Ezra says, "Ex in the mix or not. He deserves to have a family, even if they aren't blood. He deserves to have people who care about him."

-------------------

Lily sits on the bed and pretends to watch her movie. Up this time. Daddy was watching with her and now he's not watching with her. He stopped after Carl's wife died. After that happened, Daddy wouldn't watch the movie no more. He is just watching the window now.

 

"They are about to float away in the sky, Daddy," Lily says, prompting him, "Watch."

 

Actually, Lily doesn't care if Daddy watches or not. But she wants Daddy to care about something. But Daddy isn't answering and when you don't answer, that means you don't care. That's what Lily thinks, at least. Daddy doesn't care about nothing today. Yesterday, he tried so hard. He played games with her and Duncan. He even played with Stella and called her a good dog! Lily doesn't think that Daddy has ever called a dog good before. Daddy doesn't like dogs. Papa likes dogs. Papa likes cats too. But Papa is not here. Papa can't like anything anymore and it isn't fair. It's not fair, it's not it's not it's not-

 

Lily throws the empty water pitcher at Daddy. It hits his leg. She doesn't know why she does it, but she's glad it hit him because he's paying attention now.

 

"Why are you fucking throwing shit again?" Daddy asks, not even trying to not say bad words. Papa said he had to at least try not to say them. Lily remembers him saying that to Daddy once, something like, "You need to at least try, Brian." Something like that.

 

"Because I fucking want to," Lily says stubbornly, and that makes Daddy really look at her, like he's surprised. Good. She doesn't care if she's in trouble. She doesn't care like Daddy doesn't care.

 

"Brian," she adds as soon as he opens his mouth, crossing her arms as she glares at him, all while Carl lets Russell inside the house once they are high in the sky. Because Carl cares. He pretends not to, but he does. Daddy used to care and now he doesn't. He's probably just pretending on days that he does now.

 

He seems more upset that she called him by his name than her saying a bad word. Whatever he was going to say before, he doesn't say at all. Instead, he turns around and won't even look at her, which is the opposite of what she wanted. Opposite means different, but really different. The most different you can get. Papa taught her that.

 

Lily's eyes fill with tears and she presses her hands against her eyes to try to stop it because she HATES crying. She sometimes does it to try to get what she wants. To manipate, Papa used to say. He was not lying. Sometimes, when she thinks it will work, she does it. It did to get Vernon and Bianca, but she was also really sad that day. She cried because she felt sad and because she wanted pets.

 

"Why are you crying?" Daddy asks, his voice sounding all rough, like he might be crying too. She doesn't want that. Daddy might not care about her today but she still cares about him. She cares but she's still mean and suddenly she wishes that the pitcher didn't hit his leg and that she didn't say the f-word and that she didn't say Brian.

 

"I m-miss Vernon and Bianca!" Lily sobs out instead, letting out a hiccuping cry as the tears flow down her face and into her hands.

 

Daddy rubs his eyes with his finger and his thumb, then takes a breath, "Gus is taking care of them. They're fine. Do you want to FaceTime him so that he can show you?"

 

"N-No!!!" Lily wails, "I want to see them in person! For myself! They don't k-know about Papa! I need to tell them about Papa!"

 

Lily can't say more after that. She can't say that she misses Papa more than she misses Vernon and Bianca and she misses Vernon and Bianca a LOT. She can't say that she wants to see Papa in person. She can't say anything at all. Spite that, Daddy won't even come hold her. Daddy used to hold her when she cried. He used to hug her and try to make her feel better. He doesn't do that no more, not today at least.

 

Lily wipes her face once she feels a little calmer and looks at Daddy to tell him just that, but she stops herself when she sees tears dripping out of Daddy's eyes and down his nose. His face looks sad. So sad. Heartbroken. That's what Aunt Lindsay said Daddy was. Heartbroken.

 

Lily is breaking his heart even more. She knows that. But he is breaking hers too.

 

"I want to FaceTime Molly. I want to talk to Molly," she says in a small voice.

 

Daddy wipes at his face quickly and sniffles, "I don't think I have her number. I can call Justin and see if she's available."

 

"I want to talk to her without you here," she clarifies, "You can't listen, okay?"

 

That doesn't seem to make Daddy feel any better at all, but he doesn't say no.

------------------------------

It's when Cheyenne and Hotah are insisting that Justin, Jennifer, Molly, and Hunter come to lunch with them that the phone rings.

 

Brian's name pops up on the screen and it immediately makes Justin feel sick, like it's a reflex. His first thought is that Emmett ended up telling him what Lily said himself and that Brian is calling to scream at him and ask why he didn't think he deserved to know or something. It almost keeps him answering.

 

Almost. But it doesn't. He knows he can deny Brian nothing right now, whether that be comfort, company, or acting as a verbal punching bag.

 

But as it turns out, Brian wants none of those things.

 

"Do you know if Molly is around?" Brian asks, not sounding nearly as positive as Emmett described yesterday's Brian. The fact that he's asking for Molly makes him want to immediately say no, especially if this about what he thinks it could be about. Brian can yell at him all he wants but Justin doesn't want Molly to have to deal with that, even though she would probably do a better job at dealing with it than him.

 

"...She's around," Justin says, after some hesitation, "May I ask why?"

 

Brian takes a second to answer before clearing his throat, "Lily wants to talk to her through FaceTime. I don't know what she wants to talk about, but she says I am not allowed to be in the room, so there's that. She's mad at me for not watching her damn movie. Maybe she wants to talk about how horrible I am, I don't know…"

 

Brian trails off and Justin lets out a breath, then covers the phone to get Molly's attention.

 

"Would you be okay with talking to Lily for a little bit before we go with them?" Justin asks her, causing Molly to look over, "She asked to FaceTime with you."

 

Molly looks slightly surprised but nods in agreement, "Send Brian my number. I'll talk to her."

 

Justin doesn't miss the way the room quiets down and stays quiet. It is absolutely silent when Molly's phone rings. Even the five people in the room who have never met Lily are curious or possibly respectful of a grieving four year old's wishes.

 

"Hey, Lily!" Molly says, sounding genuinely happy to talk to the little girl, "What's going on?"

 

There is a pause and Justin winces in sympathy when Lily says to Brian, "I want privacy. Leave, please."

 

Brian must do just that - or at least go far enough so Lily can't see him - and Lily begins to talk.

 

"What are you doing?" Lily asks, as if she is calling a friend to catch up.

 

Molly shrugs, "Not much. Justin, Hunter, and I are at my brother's and his boyfriend's apartment. I told you that our younger brother moved here, right?"

 

"Yes," Lily says, "I remember that. Mason. You said his name is Mason. Is he a kid like me?"

 

Molly shakes her head, "Mason and Ezra wouldn't be able to get their own apartment if they were as young as you. They are adults."

 

"How old are they?" Lily asks and Justin is seriously starting to wonder why Lily needed privacy for this conversation.

 

"Mason is 21 and Ezra turns 24 on Christmas Eve," Molly tells her.

 

"That's really REALLY old!" Lily says in an exaggerated manner, causing Mason and Ezra to turn their heads in confusion.

 

"She thinks seven is old," Justin says, "Don't mind her. We are all ancient in comparison."

 

"I would like to meet them," Lily decides, "See them for myself."

 

"Also doesn't have a shy bone in her body," Justin adds as Ezra accepts the phone.

 

"Well, neither does he," Mason says, nodding over to Ezra as he gives the little girl a big smile.

 

"Hey, Lily!" Ezra says enthusiastically, "I'm Ezra, Mason's boyfriend. It's so nice to meet you!"

 

"...Woah," Lily says, causing Justin to let out a snort, "You're handsome."

 

"How do you get hit on here more than you did in New Hampshire?" Mason says, looking over Ezra's shoulder to wave, "Hi, Lily! I'm Mason."

 

When Justin turns around, he can see from behind the boys that Lily is gawking at the screen, "You're even handsomer."

 

Mason looks utterly confused as he glances at his boyfriend, "I don't think that has been something that's ever even been thought before."

 

"You're wrong! I think that same thought at least ten times a day!" Ezra says insistently, Then turns back to Lily, "I hope you're feeling better. We may have never met you but you have been in our thoughts and we look forward to meeting you in person."

 

Lily can only giggle nervously in response as Ezra hands the phone back to Molly.

 

"Lily, honey, what did we talk about?" Molly says, "If Duncan is your boyfriend, you can't be flirting with every cute boy that comes around. First Nathan, now Ezra and my brother?"

 

Lily lets out a groan, "I can't help it. Boys are so cute! Nathan, Ezra, and Mason are cute! I like looking! I told you that! But girls are still the bestest, even though I don't think they're cute like I think boys are cute and Duncan is the BESTESTEST AND he's cute."

 

"Duncan, girls, cute boys. That's an acceptable ranking," Molly says, nodding seriously, "So is that why you wanted to talk to me? To talk about boys? Your daddy likes boys. He would probably enjoy the conversation too. Why can't he stay in the room to talk with us?"

 

There is a pause on the line as Lily's whole demeanor changes, "...Because he won't play with me today. Yesterday, he was nice. Today, he doesn't care. He doesn't care about me at all. If he did, he would sit next to me and watch a movie. But he moved away and I kept trying to talk to him and he wasn't listening so he made me mad. I said a bad word to him and he didn't even care then."

 

"Hm," Molly hums, "Which word did you say?"

 

"The WORSTEST one. The f-word," Lily says, "But he said it first when I threw a water pitcher at him."

 

"Why did you do that?" Molly asks and Lily groans.

 

"Because he wasn't listening to me!" Lily says, sounding stressed, "And he made me so mad! I know it was mean, I know that, but he wouldn't sit with me and I wanted him to sit with me on the bed like he did yesterday and he wouldn't do that today! Papa would do it but Papa d-died-"

 

Lily cuts herself off and breaks down into heart wrenching sobs, ones that bring a lump to his throat and moisture to his eyes immediately. When he glances around the room, his reaction doesn't seem to be all that different from anyone else's reaction, even the ones who don't know Lily, even the giant built like a truck sitting next to his wife or the man in the wheelchair who lost his wife and only child years before, according to his nephew. In fact, he seems affected enough by it to wheel out of the apartment and for Ezra to follow. You'd have to be heartless to not feel affected by the cries of a four year old who just lost one dad and doesn't know how to comprehend the deep pain the other is in.

 

Molly must sense how the situation is bringing down the whole room. She leaves the living room as well and heads for the kitchen.

------------------

She lets Lily get it out, as much as of the heartache and pain as she can before she risks speaking again. The thing is, Molly knows for a fact that she's not the person Lily wants to speak with. Eric is taking top spot right now, obviously. He is the person Lily is grieving for and the person Lily can't have, which makes her want him even more. Brian is definitely next on her list. She wouldn't be so hot and cold on Brian throughout all of this if Lily didn't want her father around. But while Brian may look like himself, he isn't acting like himself. He is no longer acting like the man Lily knows as Daddy and it's leaving her confused, frightened, frustrated, and in even more pain. And likely every adult close to Lily in her life is acting differently as well, at least to some extent. Lily barely knew Molly before all this happened. Molly isn't suffering like Brian, Cynthia, or Eric's parents and siblings, or even like Hunter and Justin. Molly has become a sense of comfort because she's acting soothing, all while simply being normal. The normalcy and the comfort that comes from an unwavering presence is what Lily is likely wanting and what she is seeing in Molly. Other than having experience with kids and knowing how to talk to them when they're at their worst, it probably doesn't have that much to do with Molly herself.

 

"Remember when we talked about how sad your daddy is right now?" Molly asks as Lily's cries die down, "He may have had a good day yesterday. That probably made you really happy so you had a good day too. But sadness about your papa is going to go up and down like a wave. There are going to be days where your daddy is not going to feel up to much. There are going to be days where you don't feel up to much. But you need to remember to explain to him why you are upset."

 

"I tried!" Lily chokes out, "I tried hard! He isn't listening to me and I know that because I asked him to watch Up with me and he didn't!"

 

Up. The movie that starts out with a man losing his spouse. At least with Up, they grew old together. Brian doesn't get to experience that with Eric. She's not going to point out why Up probably wasn't the best choice to Lily. She might understand, but Molly doesn't want to get her more worked up or feeling more guilt.

 

"Why don't you take some deep breaths, okay?" Molly says, breathing in herself, "Just try it. Don't think about anything right now. Just focus on your breathing so that you can feel calmer."

 

Lily shakes her head, "I can't think about nothing. I can't. My head is always talking and talking and talking and talking. More than I do! And there are a lot of pictures too. And videos, I think. Movies. Stuff I think up so my head makes a movie of it. When I am asleep but when I am also awake. I used to like it but now I hate it. I want it to stop but I can't get it to because everything I think is bad now, really bad."

 

Molly nods, "You have an active imagination. That's usually a good thing. It makes you creative and helps you from being bored. But I understand why it's a bad thing right now. If you can't think of nothing, maybe think of your favorite color and only your favorite color. Yellow, right? You said it was yellow?"

 

Lily nods slowly and stares at Molly through the screen with an apprehensive expression on her face. Molly takes another breath and tries again. It's not easy to get Lily to chill out, especially when she's doing it virtually, but Lily does end up looking visibly more relaxed after the minute is up.

 

"I want my papa," Lily whispers more to herself than to Molly.

 

Molly nods her head sadly, "I know you do."

 

"Daddy wants Papa too," Lily continues.

 

"You're absolutely right. He does."

 

Lily wipes at her eyes, "Daddy is very sad today. He won't talk neither. You say I should talk about how I am feeling but he doesn't talk too."

 

Molly lets out a sigh, "I am sure it is something he needs to work on. It's probably too much for him to talk about right now. Just try to remember that he loves you very much and that you love him very much. Things will eventually get better. It may not feel like that right now, but they will."

 

"They won't," Lily says, shaking her head, "Not without Papa. Not after what happened to Papa."

 

Molly can't tell her she's wrong. She has never experienced a loss like the one Lily and Brian are experiencing right now. She hopes she will never have to. She hopes no one here will never have to.

 

Apparently, it's too late to wish for something like that.

 

"Hey," Mason says from the archway as soon as she's off the phone, "We're just going to order in. We might go out after we eat but Chaska isn't doing very well right now."

 

Molly tilts her head, "What's wrong?"

 

Mason glances around, as if he is making sure no one can overhear before making his way further into the kitchen, "You know his daughter died. I don't know if I ever told you how, but she was murdered when she was eighteen. I usually wouldn't say a word about it otherwise, but Ezra apparently told Justin a little last night so I guess it's okay if you know too. Anyway, hearing a little girl cry out for her dad triggered him pretty badly."

 

Molly swallows and looks away, "Shit. I'm sorry."

 

Mason stares at her sadly, "It's not your fault. It's Victor Hall's fault."

 

Molly squints, "The serial killer? The one from here?"

 

Mason nods, "He was connected to other girls around the country, just never officially. I guess the FBI didn't want to drain their resources since he was already dead by the time her body was finally found. He killed Mika and it had a domino effect on Ezra and his family. He was only in the midwest for maybe two months to work with Native students on language preservation. Mika was one of the students he took on. I'm surprised Ezra even wanted to move here. I was expecting LA. Don't uh...don't bring any of that up to anyone. I just wanted to give you a heads up in case Chaska has a blow up or comes off completely differently than how he has been."

 

"Okay," Molly says, possibly feeling more emotional over a 50 year old man reliving trauma and likely thinking of his dead child when she was young than she feels over the four year old who broke down crying as she confided to Molly on FaceTime. Maybe it's just a build up of knowing about both.

 

"Cheyenne and Hotah still want to order for you, Justin, and your mom though," Mason says, seeming as if he's trying not to think too hard about what he just said, "So if anyone has any recommendations, they're all ears."

 

"They don't have to do that-" Molly starts to say but Mason holds up a hand.

 

"Don't treat them like they are poor and deny a nice gesture because of it," Mason says, "I'm serious. Especially if it's Ezra's grandma. Or Ezra himself. He'll just get you more out of spite. Accept it and move on."

 

Molly can do that, but she doesn't know if other people can. She thinks of whether Lily and Brian moved past their hurdle. She thinks of what is going on in Chaska's brain as he stays quiet, all while Ezra probably sits too close to him and worries over him.

 

"We don't have to do Times Square today," Ezra says, seeming to put his all in a performance that requires him to be casual and nonchalant, "It's really crowded and overwhelming, even for me. We'll probably all hate it."

 

"What I hate is you coddling me," Chaska grumbles, then causes his nephew to inch back when he pokes him with a metal fork, "Get all cozy with your boyfriend. I don't know why you are getting clingy with me."

 

Ezra is right though. Most of them do hate Times Square. It's why Molly, Justin, and Hunter decide not to go. Her mother weirdly decides to, probably set on adopting Mason for herself or something, but also because she's been to the city enough to show them around and because she and Cheyenne are clicking pretty hard due to some mom bond. It is what it is.

 

"I feel like I should stop by and see Lily," Molly says as she and Hunter walk Archimedes, "Like, actually see her in person. Maybe talk to Brian."

 

"Thought you were going to hold off on that until after Christmas," Hunter says.

 

"No, I know," Molly says, "I just...I don't know, I feel bad for her. She is so desperate for attention right now and while she's getting plenty of it, it isn't the kind she wants. She doesn't want to be surrounded by sadness. It's not anyone's fault. People are going to be fucking sad. But she picks up on that and it makes her more upset. She doesn't want the pity either."

 

"That's so like Brian, it isn't even funny," Hunter says as they turn the corner.

 

"She wants someone who isn't acting completely different than what she knew pre-derailment," Molly says, "It's the only reason she wanted to talk to me. She barely knew me beforehand and I'm not acting like a shell of myself now. She wants and needs consistency. All kids do. She's getting frustrated because she can't predict how Brian is going to feel. She doesn't even know how she is going to feel."

 

"That explains the mood swings," Hunter says, "But it doesn't explain Duncan latching onto you as well. You're the genius kid whisperer and you know it.”

 

Molly shakes her head, "Duncan was worried about Lily. You and Justin weren't acting like yourselves either. I was the only firm presence there. It's the same thing-"

 

"It is not the same thing,” Hunter interrupts, “You literally have more training than all of us combined. Not only were you a teacher, but you’re an actual genius. I don’t know why you haven’t accepted this yet. You got a double bachelor’s by the time you were 20 in Child Development and Microbiology-”

 

“Because I was financially privileged and had access to tutors and opportunities to finish my general college courses while I was still in high school.”

 

“And you had two master’s degrees by the time you were twenty-three in Health Sciences and Elementary Education,” Hunter continues.

 

“Health Sciences has nothing to do with children specifically,” she says, “It deals with the improvement of treatment and care for patients and the general betterment of public health and medical research. Knowing anything about it will not help Lily.”

 

“Lily is in the hospital,” Hunter says, “You are tending to her psychological health right now. She knew who she wanted to talk to. She wanted to talk to the compassionate and beautiful woman who got into NYU’s three year accelerated med school program.”

 

“Ugh, I shouldn’t have shown you the letter this morning,” Molly says, rolling her eyes, “You’ve been bragging ever since you got out of that meeting.”

 

“I started during the meeting,” Hunter says, shrugging, “Rami Malek is impressed. Anthony Hopkins told me to tell you congratulations.”

 

Molly stops walking and stares at Hunter in dumbfoundment, “He did not.”

 

“Did too,” Hunter says, shrugging as he turns around, “You’re perfect. You’re a genius, great with kids, empathetic, the best looking woman in this city. I have no idea why you’re with me, but I appreciate that you are dating beneath you.”

 

Okay, Anthony Hopkins forwarding his congratulations is no longer on her mind. She doesn’t give a shit about that. But whatever is coming out of Hunter’s mouth is ridiculous and she isn’t walking until whatever this is gets settled.

 

“What are you talking about?” Molly says, scoffing, “Do I need to talk about how attracted I am to you again? How much I love your dick? I thought we did this in Niagara.”

 

Hunter snorts, “I wasn’t talking about my looks. Or my dick.”

 

Molly blinks, “Then what?”

 

“I just…” Hunter says, then trails off, “I don’t know. I overheard some of your conversation with Lily. I saw how you were with Duncan. You’re fantastic with kids. You’ve been excited about the twins ever since Justin made the announcement. I don’t...I don’t want to keep you from that.”

 

“From what-”

 

“From being a mother,” Hunter clarifies. And maybe it’s cruel, but after Molly processes what he is saying, she begins to laugh.

 

“It’s not funny,” Hunter says, his voice hard.

 

“Yes, it is,” Molly says, “You’re thinking of having kids now? Like, right now? When you’re going to be working twelve hour days in less than a month - if you’re lucky - and I’m starting med school in September? Do you think I’m thinking of kids right now?”

 

Hunter meets her eyes, “I’m saying that you have to think of the future a little more because we’re together. I don’t know if I can give you kids. I have no idea if that’s going to work out by the time you’re ready-”

 

“Then we’ll adopt if we decide on kids and your numbers aren’t ideal. No different than a kid with both of our genes or mine and some donor’s. There shouldn’t be a problem though. Your numbers have been perfect for years. Has that changed?”

 

“No,” Hunter says, letting out a sigh, “That has not changed.”

 

Molly reaches over and smacks at his arm lightly, “Then why are you having some sort of crisis? If it is because you are afraid that you won’t be able to give me children or whatever, stop. You of all people should know that adoption is an option.”

 

Hunter shakes his head, “It wasn’t for Michael and Ben-”

 

“Did you hit your head?” Molly asks, squinting, “Do we need to go back to Pittsburgh and ask for your papers-”

 

“I meant for a baby,” Hunter says, “Maybe someone would have accepted it eventually, but with Ben’s status being public and with Michael and Ben being gay, it made things hard enough that they gave up on that route.”

 

“Okay,” Molly says slowly, “But we aren’t a gay couple. Your status isn’t public. And - as gross as I think it is - you make six figures a year. You are also extremely respected within your field. Trust me, if we would ever adopt a baby, we’re getting him or her because of you. Not me.”

 

Hunter shakes his head, “I’m pretty sure being a certified genius doctor trumps any credentials I have. Any adopted babies we get will be because of you.”

 

“You seem to be forgetting that I have three years of med school, a three year residency, and a two year fellowship. My time will be limited,” Molly says, “Ask me again in nine years, and that’s assuming I will even get a fellowship right after my residency ends.”

 

“Oh, please,” Hunter says, walking again, “You will. I know it. I’m guessing you’re going with NYU then, considering you mentioned doing three years of med school?”

 

“Duh,” Molly says, walking along beside him, “Less money, less time, just as prestigious of a program, even if Columbia is Ivy League. Fuck Ivy League. Mason and Ezra can have that glory. I don’t want it.”

 

“Ever so humble,” Hunter says, then sticks his arm out for her to take before they walk the rest of the way home.

Chapter End Notes:

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