Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

 

 

Brian screeched to a halt at the VIP entrance where Dr. Traber and some nurses were waiting with a gurney. "Is he having contractions?" Dr. Traber asked as they opened Justin's door and started helping him out.

 

"We're not sure. It hasn't stopped hurting, but he says sometimes it gets stronger. I couldn't count between them, though," Brian said as he came around to Justin's door. They quickly placed him on the gurney and rushed him back inside.

 

"We have everything prepped and ready for him. I'm gonna open him up and take the baby now," Dr. Traber said.

 

"But he still has a few more weeks," Brian pleaded.

 

"It doesn't matter. We talked about this. The first sign of any type of pain and we take him into surgery," Dr. Traber declared as they reached a set of double doors restricted to hospital personnel only.

 

"WAIT!" Brian yelled. They stopped as Brian leaned down and grabbed Justin's hand, leaning in until he was within inches of his face. "You stay strong in there. Don't you dare fucking leave me. Do you understand? You just fought out there and didn't get hurt. Now you fight like hell in there and come back to me." Brian's voice cracked.


Tears trickled down Justin's cheeks.  "I'm scared," he admitted.


Brian shook his head.  "I'm not. You're going to do great. And when you wake up...you're gonna be a daddy," he reminded him.


Justin let out a sob before Brian kissed him. "I love you, Justin Taylor."

 

"I love you, too," Justin whispered.

 

Brian held his hand until he they wheeled him through the double doors. He watched through the window of one door as they wheeled him further and further away. He gulped and ran his hands through his hair. He stood there for a minute until Suzie came over and put her hand on his arm.

 

"Why don't you go sit down in his room and wait for your family to get here?" she gently suggested.


Brian shook his head. "I don't wanna be with them," he said.


She nodded her head.  "Okay, how about you go back and wait in his room, then? We'll have your family wait in the living area. We only have one other person in VIP, and they're not coming out of their room. I'll go in there and call Justin's room to give you frequent updates," Suzie said.


Brian looked at her.


"I'll call you and let you know everything," she promised him.


He nodded his head and walked back to Justin's room to wait for Suzie's call and began pacing.  God, this could be it. Was that the last time he would see Justin? Oh, shit. It could have been. Why did he have to get pregnant? God, please don't let this baby kill him. The phone ringing brought him out of his thoughts. He sat down and yanked it to his ear. "Is he okay?" Brian demanded.

 

"They prepped him, and he went easily under anesthesia. Dr. Traber has begun the procedure. It's gonna be a while before he's able to get the baby out. But right now, Dr. Traber says everything's looking favorable," she assured him.


Brian nodded and hung up. He paced frantically for over a half an hour. God, this wasn't good. This wasn't fucking good. Too much time had passed. Justin was dead. Justin was really dead.

The phone rang again. "What happened?" Brian demanded without preamble.

 

"Congratulations! You're a dad," Suzie reported happily.


Brian couldn't speak as he tried to absorb her words. Was it terrible that he didn't care?


"Everything is still going well. There weren't any complications with getting your son out. He's being checked out and cleaned up and gonna be brought to the nursery. Right now, Dr. Traber is working on repairing a little damage inside of Justin, which is expected. But so far everything is proceeding as expected," Suzie told him. "I'll call you and let you know when your son is in the nursery," she added.

 

God, what was wrong with him? He had another son. He should be happy. But he wasn't. He wouldn't be. Not until he knew Justin was okay. It was taking too long. This whole fucking surgery was taking too damn long. There were complications. He knew from all the research that even if everything went perfectly, until he was in recovery there was still a chance he could die. Only after the father was stitched back up were they considered to be out of the woods. He waited for 45 fucking minutes as his mind wandered to places he didn't want to go.

 


He was dead. He fucking knew it. He didn't want this baby. He would let Lindsay and Melanie raise him. He'd have Gus as his brother. And Justin's mother would be a wonderful grandmother to him. But Brian wanted nothing to do with this baby that had killed Justin. Tears sprang to his eyes. Justin was dead. It had taken too fucking long. He jumped when he felt a hand on his arm. It was Suzie. Fuck!

 

"You left the phone off the hook," she said softly.


Brian looked over at the phone. He hadn't placed it down all the way.


"He's in recovery. Everything went perfectly. Dr. Traber said almost too perfectly. But then Dr. Latery said it should be nothing less than perfect if it's your son," Suzie said.


Brian was in shock.


She smiled and squatted down. "Justin's alive. He's gonna be okay. He came through the surgery beautifully and will be waking up soon. And you and Justin have a son. A beautiful, healthy baby boy," Suzie said. She smiled before standing up. "Come on, Brian. I'll take you down to recovery to see him."

 

Brian followed her down to the post-surgery area. He knew that the patient's family normally weren't supposed to have access to the recovery wing. But he figured since it was VIP, things were different here. Justin was lying in bed sleeping, with the back of the bed slightly elevated so he could sit up a little.

 


Brian sat down in amazement as he watched Justin's chest rise and fall under the hospital gown. For six fucking months he had been scared shitless, wondering if he and Justin would arrive at this moment; the moment where he could say Justin was alive. He hadn't wanted to ask Justin to marry him, because he was afraid he'd never get this chance. He hadn't even thought about it. But he blurted it out before he could stop himself. And he had been so afraid that he jinxed it.

 

 But he and Justin were going home, with their son. He finally released the tension in his shoulders and let go of the deep breath he had been holding for six months. He leaned his elbows on the bed, put his head in his hands, and softly started crying. He picked up Justin's hand and kissed it as he continued to cry. Justin was going to live. Justin was alive. Justin made it through three months of torture, and six months of pain, to be lying here, ready to wake up. He was finally going to be a family with him.  Him and their son.

 

He didn't know how long he sat there, but he felt Justin's hand move. He picked his head up and Justin opened his eyes.


"The baby..." Justin whispered anxiously.


Brian smiled, gently brushing some hair out of his face. "He's fine, Sunshine. Welcome back," he whispered.

 

"I fought like hell to get here," Justin whispered back.


Brian chuckled softly, leaning down to kiss his cheek.  "Yeah, ya did. And I am ...so fucking proud of you," he told him, his eyes misty.


Justin smiled at him.


"I was so fucking scared... can you not do that to me anymore? Turn me into some fucking lesbian," Brian explained.


Justin smiled. "I'll try not to," he said.


Brian kissed his lips. He couldn't stop touching Justin. His hand was everywhere, making sure he was really alive.


"We have a baby," Justin murmured, almost in disbelief himself.



Brian nodded.  "Yeah. You and I are bringing home a baby." Brian scoffed and then chuckled. "How the fuck did that happen?"

 

"Well, you see one night one of his daddies wanted to make a baby. And the condom broke..."

 

"Very funny, you asshole." Brian chuckled, recalling the night when Justin had asked him why he was there, and he had given Justin that sarcastic answer.




Justin smiled all dreamy like.  "I have a bunch of things in my cart at some baby stores on your laptop. I wrote them down and they're in my sketchpad. Will you order everything for me?" he asked.


Brian chuckled and kissed him.  "Anything for you," he whispered.

 

"Have you seen him?" Justin asked.


Brian shook his head.  "No. I was waiting for you."

 

"Mr. Taylor," Dr. Traber said a short distance away, quietly interrupting them. He was still dressed in his scrubs, smiling. "Welcome back," he said sincerely. "Everything went perfectly. Your son is sleeping soundly in the nursery. Brian, how about you excuse us for a few minutes while I take a look at Justin?" Dr. Traber asked.


Brian nodded, kissing him.  "I'll see you in a little while. I'll go let everyone know you're doing okay," he said.


Justin nodded with a smile. 


Brian walked back into the VIP living area. He could see Debbie talking on her cell phone, and she was crying.

 

"Ben, I just don't understand what's wrong with him. How could he just attack Justin like that? How could he?" Debbie cried into her phone. Well, at least she wasn't taking Michael's side. She was here, for Justin. She wasn't at the police station. So, Brian wasn't mad that she was talking on the phone to Ben. It was her son. Despite that, however, she had still chosen to be by Justin's side. Brian came in and cleared his throat. Everyone stood up, talking at once.

 

"He's in recovery and should be out soon," Brian reported.

 

"He's okay?" Jennifer asked, her hand over her mouth.

 

Brian smiled. "He's really okay." He had to keep saying it. He needed to keep hearing it.

 

"Was he hurt?" Debbie asked, crying.




Brian shook his head. He knew what she was asking. Was Michael the reason? Did Michael hurt Justin or the baby?

 

"It was the stress. Justin never was hurt. He's the one who punched your kid," Brian told Debbie.


She covered her face, and Vic hugged her.

 

"He fought back," Debbie stated.


Brian looked over at her and smiled. She got it. Even if it was at the expense of her own son.  "Yeah, he did," Brian said proudly.

 

"How's the baby?" Lindsay asked.


Brian just noticed that she was holding Gus, and Melanie was sitting down feeding J.R.  "He's fine."

 

"Have you seen him yet?" Jennifer asked.

 


Emmett jumped up and down.  "Does he have blonde hair or brown hair? I bet he looks just like Gus," he said excitedly.




Lindsay was holding Gus in her arms and looked down at him, getting teary eyed and smiling at him.

 

"Gus, did you hear that? You have a new little brother," Lindsay said. She smiled and handed Gus to Brian.


The little boy smiled as he hugged his father.

 

"That's right, Sonny Boy. You're a big brother. The four of us are gonna have a lot of fun together," Brian told him.


Emmett clapped again.  "So, tell us already! Who does he look like?" he asked.

 

"I'm sure it's Brian," Ted interjected.

 

Brian shrugged. "I don't know yet. I haven't seen him," he told them. Everyone stayed quiet.

 

"He's waiting for Justin. I'd do the same thing," Vic declared, clapping him on the back.

 

"I can't wait to see him! I'm gonna spoil him rotten," Daphne said excitedly.

 

"You can see him when the surgeon is finished examining him," Brian told Jennifer as he rubbed Gus' back. He had two children now. That just was unfathomable. 


She smiled.  "I want you guys to visit with your son first. If he's up for it, I'll come in later," Jennifer said, rubbing Brian's arm. "I just want him to enjoy this moment." Jennifer choked up.


Debbie put her arm around her.

 

"It's really late. We should take the kids home and put them back to bed. But we'll be back in the morning," Lindsay promised.


Brian nodded and kissed Gus' head.  "First thing in the morning," he told her.


Lindsay understood. Brian wanted Gus to meet his new brother first. She kissed his cheek. "Bright and early," she promised him.


Brian waited for a little while before he returned to Justin's room. He was more alert now.  "How ya feeling?" Brian asked.


Justin smiled.  "They gave me the good stuff," he replied with a grin.


Brian kissed his forehead.

 

"Knock, knock," Suzie said from the doorway. She wheeled in a bassinet.


Brian's body froze.


"I think this little guy has been waiting for a while to meet his daddies," Suzie said as she approached Brian. "He can sleep in here with you guys, or just call us and he can stay in the nursey while you two get some sleep. I would recommend the second option, so you can get some much-needed sleep," Suzie said. She smiled and then walked back out.

 

Brian wasn't the only one who couldn't move. The two men silently peered over at each other before Brian gulped and leaned over, picking up their little baby. It was officially real. He was holding his son. This baby wasn't a theory anymore. He wasn't in Brian's imagination anymore. He wasn't a thing that could kill Justin. He wasn't a 'what if.'  He was real. He was real, and this baby was warm and pliant in his arms. He had another son. He and Justin had a son together.



"Is he real?" Justin asked.


Brian chuckled and nodded.  He grabbed a pillow from the couch and put it on Justin's lap before gently placing their son down on top of it.


Justin stared at him and started crying. "You really are real," Justin whispered. He touched the child's downy-soft face with his finger. "You're really here," Justin whispered to him. He was in awe. He looked up at Brian's face and could tell he was feeling the same. 


He looked back down at the baby. "You saved my life," Justin said as a sob escaped his mouth. "Thank you for making sure I was never alone. Thank you for fighting with me," Justin cried. He looked over at Brian. "Thank you for making sure I was never alone," Justin cried.


Brian leaned over and kissed him.  "Thank you for fighting for yourself," he said.


Justin looked back at him and shook his head in disbelief.  "I can't believe we actually pulled this off. He's really ours. He's really coming home with us," he said.

 


Brian wiped the tears off Justin's face. "Yeah. I guess I have to go get you that fucking house you always wanted," he joked. Justin smiled.

 

"Yeah, I guess I don't have to dream about my country manor with stables and a pool. Now, we can actually just get a house. And we'll have lots of room for Gus and this little guy to play and run around with," Justin said as he traced his face.

 

"First thing tomorrow morning, I'll order all of his stuff for you. And we'll get your mom to find us a house," Brian said.




Justin smiled, but didn't look up. He was in love.


"So. What are you gonna name him, Sunshine?" Brian asked.


Justin looked up at him.  "What am I gonna name him? Don't you mean we?"

 

"Well, you know me; I was afraid to even think about him, so I hadn't considered any names. But I know you. I know you have a name picked out. And I know I'll love whatever it is, because you pick out the best names," Brian said.


Justin tilted his head.


"You named Gus. You named Rage. And you named Kinnetik. So. What's our son's name?" Brian asked.


Justin smiled. "I want his middle name to be Taylor, and his last name to be Kinney," Justin said, peering up at Brian.  "No hyphen," Justin said.


Brian smiled. Their son would have his last name. That was an honor.  "And his first?"

 

"I really like Grayson," Justin said.


Brian looked down at their son.



"I was thinking something else if he looked more like me. But this little guy looks just like you and Gus. And I like that it starts with a G like Gus does," Justin said.


Brian smiled.  "Grayson Taylor Kinney," he slowly spoke the name aloud. 


"Grayson Kinney. It has a nice ring to it," Justin said.


Brian smiled and kissed him again. He intertwined his fingers with Justin's hand, and then picked his other hand up to touch his son.  "I can't wait to take the two of you home," he whispered. He looked up at Justin. "It's been too long," Brian said.

 

They spent some time just staring in awe at their son. Brian couldn't even wrap his mind around that. He had been denying it for so long that he felt like this was a surprise; like he had just found out that Justin was pregnant. It was amazing and scary all at the same time. Now he had the time to think. No longer would there be single days. Today was the first day of a new Brian Kinney. His life would never be the same. He wasn't single anymore; not that with Justin he truly WAS single. But now, Justin was there for good.

 

But that wasn't even the shocking part. It was the realization that now that he was going to be a full-time dad. He was never going to have space to himself again. He couldn't fuck Justin any time he wanted, and wherever he wanted. As Grayson got older, they'd have to be behind locked doors. They'd have to sneak around. They couldn't just sit at the table, look at each other, and then fuck each other's brains out right there on the table.

 

He gulped. He had never allowed himself to think about this. Now that the time was here, was he ready for it? Fuck, no, he wasn't. He was scared shitless. He had never prepared himself. Well, that was your own fucking fault, Kinney. You had a million chances in the past six months to do just that.

 

They eventually decided to let the nurses take Grayson away so Justin could sleep. Hell, so Brian could sleep. The staff had informed Justin and Brian that there would be a longer recuperation period compared to a female pregnancy. Even a C-Section for a woman didn't take as long as a male C-Section. He'd be in bed for at least two weeks. And then they said even with the best-case scenario, he'd still have to be here for another two weeks. So, all in all, they'd be here another month, and that would total seven months where Justin had been in this hospital. But it gave him another four weeks to recuperate even more. To mentally prepare himself for getting his life back to normal. Well, no, life wasn't going back to normal. Normal was no Grayson. Now, there was a Grayson.

 

Brian was happy that Justin slept soundly until 10:30 pm. Justin hadn't gotten to sleep till about 1:00 am. Nine-and-a-half hours of full sleep. Justin woke up with a smile on his face.


"Good morning, Sunshine," Brian said.


Justin smiled. "It is a good morning. Can I see Grayson?" Justin asked.


Brian smiled. "Absolutely. Let's get you cleaned up a little. The nurse wants to come check you out first. And then your mom, Molly, Daphne, Lindsay, and Gus are here to see you. I told everyone else they can come by later," Brian added.


Justin nodded his head.




Brian helped Justin wash his face and brush his teeth from the comfort of his bed. A nurse and Dr. Traber came in to check him out, and then Kara brought Grayson in.




Justin was absolutely smitten with him.  "I swear he's more beautiful than last night," he said.


Brian chuckled.


"He has your chin. And your hair," Justin said, looking lovingly at Brian.


Oh, he was all sorts of dreamy. Nothing could go wrong in Justin's world right now. Brian just hoped it would stay that way.  "He has your nose and your eyes. And the shape of his face is like yours," Brian said, running his finger down Justin's cheek. "Want me to go get Gus?" he asked.


Justin smiled and nodded.


Brian texted Lindsay, who was waiting. A moment later, she knocked on the door, and Brian answered it.

 


"Daddy!" The three-year-old squealed as he jumped into his father's arm. Lindsay kissed Gus's cheek before walking out. Brian walked over to Justin and sat down on the bed so Gus could see.

 

"Hey there, Sonny Boy. I'd like you to meet your new little brother. This is Grayson. Grayson, this is your big brother, Gus," Brian told him.


Gus looked at Brian.

 

"Baby in mommy's belly?" Gus asked.


The boys chuckled.

 

"No, Gus. The baby was in my belly," Justin said.


Gus' mouth opened and he smiled as he peered down at the little bundle in wonder.


They sat for there for approximately 20 minutes just talking on the bed. "It's like our own little family. Just the four of us," Justin said dreamily again.




Oh, God, Justin was in some dreamy little world. Brian chuckled. He wouldn't have Justin any other way. He deserved this. And so much more.

 


Brian texted Jennifer so she, Molly, Lindsay, and Daphne could come in, Jennifer leading the way. Gus jumped down to run to Lindsay, and all three ladies started crying. Molly wasn't crying, though, but sat down on a chair.




"Oh, my God. I just can't believe it," Jennifer exclaimed as she leaned down and kissed Justin. The baby was facing the opposite way.

 


"Wanna hold him?" Justin asked.




Jennifer nodded.


Brian was on the other side and picked Grayson up from the pillow on Justin's lap, walking around the bed to meet Jennifer.

 

"Here ya go, grandma," Brian told her with a smile, seeking the look of amazement on Jennifer's face. She let out a small sob as he reached over to take the precious bundle into her arms and cradled him.




Daphne ran over and hugged Justin tightly, with Lindsay waiting her turn. Molly then gave him a hug as well.

 

"Hey, there, Mollusk!  You ready to be an aunt?" Justin asked, pulling on her hair.




She smiled. "Yeah, I can't wait to spoil him. What's his name?" Molly asked as she sat back down, bouncing in her seat.




Brian went and sat back down next to Justin, with half his body hanging off the bed. Brian nudged his shoulder.

 

"Grayson Taylor Kinney," Justin told them, a note of pride in his voice.




The girls melted. Jennifer sat down between Molly and Daphne. Lindsay sat on the couch with Gus.

 

"Hi, Grayson," Daphne cooed. She played with his hand. "God, he is like this perfect mixture of you two," she said.


Lindsay walked over and stood next to Molly to look at him.  "Oh, he really is. He looks a little like Gus. With Justin's features thrown in," Lindsay said softly.

 

"They do kinda look alike," Justin decided with a smile.

 

"Oh, he definitely has Justin's eyes," Daphne said.

 

"He reminds me of Justin the day he was born," Jennifer said.




About an hour later, everyone else started showing up, passing Grayson around. Brian looked over at one point and realized Justin had fallen asleep. He was absolutely exhausted from having Grayson. He looked peaceful. He looked content. He was in a room full of people, and just peacefully sleeping. Brian just watched him and didn't join in on the conversation. He felt at peace just watching him. Justin was happy. He was content. It was like a weight had been lifted off  Brian's shoulders.

 

"It's so good to see him so happy," Debbie said, placing a hand over her heart.

 

"About fucking time," Melanie said as she bounced Jenny in her arms.

 

"I can't wait till you guys are all home," Emmett said, clapping his hands together.

 

"He really looks so happy," Lindsay said, smiling at Justin.

 

"He's really picked himself up since he's been here. He's just not the same person that came in here," Vic said. Brian nodded his head as he watched Justin.

 

"That shouldn't surprise anyone," Ted said. Brian looked over at him. "He's the strongest person I've ever met. The most determined person I've ever known. He just forgot for a little while," Ted said. They were all silent for a minute.

 

"He'll be okay when he gets out," Melanie said.

 

"That's because we won't have him any other way," Lindsay agreed.

 


 

Justin slept a lot over the next three days. His surgery had taken so much out of him. On the fourth day, though, he only took two naps and was more alert, snuggling Grayson. Apparently when Justin was a baby, Jennifer couldn't nurse him because breast milk didn't agree with him. Not that Justin had breast milk, but Grayson had the same problem with finding something he agreed with. Luckily, it was much easier to identify nowadays than it was when Justin was a baby. They ended up finding a formula that worked for him, so Grayson wasn't crying as much.

 

One day, Brian wasn't sure what was wrong. Justin was staring at him and was unusually quiet. Dr. Traber, Dr. Latery, and Suzie came in to check on him. Justin wanted to say something; Brian could tell. He just had no idea what it was.


"I was wondering if you would be able to...do a blood test on him?" Justin whispered.

 

"I suppose. But what for?" Dr. Traber asked.


Justin got teary eyed.

 

"Justin, what's wrong?" Brian asked.




Justin bit his lip. "I know he looks just like Brian. I know that...but I just want to be positive. I just want a DNA test to make sure," Justin said, covering his eyes with one of his hands.




Suzie put her hand over her mouth.


Brian stared at Dr. Traber, as did Dr. Latery.

 

"I told you not to bet against Brian," Dr. Latery said.




Justin looked up.


"You even goaded him. You actually bet him. I told you Brian was always right. Obnoxiously always right," Dr. Latery said.


Justin looked between them all.




Dr. Traber let down his bedside manner for a moment and pulled his wallet out of his pants. Brian held his hand out, and Dr. Traber handed him a 100-dollar bill. That was when Suzie snorted into her hand, and her shoulders shook as she started laughing.

 

"Are you satisfied?" Dr. Traber asked.




Brian smiled.  "Very much so," he said before turning to peer over at Justin. "I knew you would ask. I wasn't sure when. So, when you went to sleep that first night, I went out and asked them to do a DNA test, because I knew you would want it. It was gonna be the first thing out of your mouth once you got over the shock of Grayson. Not that you're over it, exactly, but once you had some sleep."

 

"And my colleague didn't think you would ask, because you were so sure that he's Brian's. So, Brian bet him, and Dr. Traber couldn't refuse a bet," Dr. Latery explained.

 

Suzie tried to stop laughing but couldn't.

 

"He's mine, Justin. He's my baby. Just like you suspected. One hundred percent mine and yours," Brian assured him.


Justin was relieved as he smiled back at Brian sheepishly and nodded.

 



Brian hadn't left the hospital in two weeks, except for one quick trip to the police station to get a restraining order against Michael. He was shocked that it had come down to this. But it needed to happen. Michael was unhinged. He could never go near him or Justin again.

 

Brian had ordered everything they needed for Grayson. The gang had gone to the loft and set everything up. He figured his loft wasn't going to look the same when he walked in. There weren't separate rooms. So, he figured Grayson's dresser and changing table were up against the walls. Who knew how it was going to look?

 

Justin had made a remarkable recovery. He wasn't going to have to stay longer than two weeks once he was off bedrest. He did everything Dr. Traber told him to do:  never pushing too hard, but never slacking. Dr. Traber said this had been one of his easiest cases, and he had learned a lot with Justin's success.

 

Justin had one more therapy session, and then the day came. Justin was leaving this hospital for good. Justin was both petrified but also excited. Grayson had spent his first month alive, in a hospital. It was time for them to say goodbye to this place.

 

Justin picked out his favorite going home outfit for Grayson, and yhey wheeled him out into the hallway. All his nurses that were with him for the past seven months were waiting for him. A couple of them were in regular clothes because they weren't working. "We're so happy that you're going home. But we're really gonna miss you," Kara said.

 

"We all chipped in and got Grayson something," Suzie said. It was a huge stuffed teddy bear. Justin laughed and Brian groaned.

 

"I'm not bringing that into my fucking house," Brian said.




The girls just laughed, and they all hugged Justin. They carried the bear out and Brian threw it into the back of the SUV. Brian helped Justin into the SUV.

 

"We're really gonna miss you, little guy. Make sure to bring him back and visit," Kara said.

 

"We will. I have some appointments lined up, so I'll be back," Justin said.

 


"Like hell we will. We're getting the fuck out and staying the fuck out of here," Brian bitched.




Justin laughed.


Brian slid behind the wheel of the SUV and Justin waved at all of them as Brian drove out of the parking garage. They waited to turn onto the road before Brian looked over at Justin. He could send that he was nervous. "You ready, Sunshine?" Brian asked.


Justin looked back at him with tears in his eyes. "Is this really happening?" he asked.


Brian nodded.  "You've come a fucking long way. And you did it. So, let's go home, Sunshine," Brian said and smiled.


Justin wiped at his face.  "Take me home," he whispered.


Brian continued to drive until they reached the loft, but then drove by it.


"Um, Brian. You totally drove past the loft," Justin pointed out, perplexed.

"There's something I need to show you before we go back to the loft," Brian said.

"Where are we going?" Justin asked him.

"Haven't the foggiest," Brian told him, smiling mysteriously.


Justin laughed at him. "So, you're gonna quote Harry Potter to me now? Nice."


Brian rolled his eyes.  "You made me fucking watch those damn movies," he bitched.


They were driving for about 20 minutes when Justin huffed.  "When you said there was something you had to show me, I didn't think it would be in West Virginia," Justin complained.


Brian chuckled.  "It's less than half an hour out of Pittsburgh." 


Justin rolled his eyes and turned slightly. "What about Grayson? He should eat soon."

 

"He's got about an hour before he has to eat. We can always feed him there," Brian said.

 

"And where is there?" Justin asked.




Brian shrugged, remaining silent.




A few minutes later, they pulled up in front of a beautiful house. Justin opened the door and extricated himself from the passenger side, wincing. Brian reached in and grabbed Grayson's car seat and diaper bag, walking around to wrap his arm around Justin's waist.

 

"Wait till you see the tennis court. And the pool," Brian said as they arrived at a massive door. "And the stables," he added.

 

"Stables? Who lives here?" Justin asked. Brian looked around and then smiled nervously at him.




Justin waited for his answer.

 

"We do," Brian said.




Justin looked around.  "What?"

 

"I'm about to buy it." Brian said as he inserted a key into the lock and opened the door to enter.


Justin stared around, speechless, as Brian stated, "I know you can't walk upstairs and everything. But I have a video of the entire house.  I wanted to make sure that this is what you wanted before I bought it. Your mom found it, and I've been speaking with the owner. No one else has expressed interest. So, he was willing to wait and see what you think before I made an offer," Brian said.  Brian put the baby down and then helped Justin sit on the couch.




Justin peered around at all the furnishings, the tall windows, and the hardwood floor and walls, shocked.  "Are you serious? You...you're buying this...this palace?" He asked in amazement.

 

"It's for my prince," Brian said, his lips curling under, a little embarrassed at the openly romantic declaration.

 


Justin beamed at him.


"It has everything you've wanted. Everything you've been looking at. And one of the stables we can convert into an art studio for you," Brian said.


Justin's eyes widened.  "My own studio?" Justin whispered.


Brian nodded his head.


Justin covered his mouth. "Oh, my God. This just can't be real," he said, covering his face with his hands.


Brian got down on his knees between Justin's legs. "It's real, Justin. It's me and you now," he said.


Justin took his hands away from his face and searched Brian's face.


Brian just smiled at him. "There'll be a lot of renovating. It won't be done until after the new year. And I'm hoping when you're feeling better, you'll get your ass upstairs and paint our son's room to look like what you drew in your sketch book. And one for Gus, too," Brian said.


Justin looked all around the grand room.


"It's up to you. Is this the house you want?" Brian asked.


Justin smiled and wrapped his arms around Brian's shoulders.


"I hoped it was everything you've dreamed of," Brian whispered.

 

"And more. I love this house, Brian," Justin said and kissed him.


Brian deepened the kiss. They hadn't kissed like this in so long. Grayson crying finally made them reluctantly pull apart.

 

"Oh, great, he's already starting that shit," Brian said teasingly as he picked him up and pulled a bottle out of the baby bag. He handed Grayson to Justin. "Hang on; we have one of those portable bottle warmers in here," Brian said, pulling it out of the baby bag and plugging it in. After a few minutes he handed it to Justin and put it back in the bag. They waited till Grayson was done eating. Before Justin took some time to walk around a little bit, but then Brian packed them back up in the SUV and drove them back to the loft.

 

Justin sucked in a deep breath as he stared at the loft door.




"You okay?" Brian asked.




Justin nodded. "It feels more real. Standing here," Justin said.


Brian kissed his temple, slid the door open, and walked them in. He shut the door behind him and looked around. There was baby stuff everywhere and a 'welcome home' banner for all three of them.

 

"Welcome home, Sunshine," Brian said, kissing him. Brian put Grayson in his basinet next to their bed.




Justin stared around the loft.


"You sure you're okay?" Brian asked again.


Justin nodded.  "Seven months...I haven't been here in seven months," he murmured. He covered his eyes again. "I can breathe. And I can think normally. And I don't wanna hurt myself," Justin cried into his hands, filled with relief.


Brian knew what Justin was saying, and it meant so much to him. Brian went over and hugged him and kissed the top of his head.


"It's real. It's really fucking real. I never thought I would feel ok again," Justin cried.


Brian hugged him tight.  "I knew you would. I just didn't know when. But I always knew you'd pick yourself up...and a month from now you'll feel even better than you do today. You're gonna keep looking back and see how much further you've come," Brian said.

 

"I don't think you'll know how much you've done for me. I'm only standing here because of you. You got me to this point, Brian," Justin said as he buried his face in Brian's neck. "Thank you for never giving up on me. And pushing me to go back to my old self." 


Brian kissed the side of his head and let out a deep breath. He felt better. Justin was home.   "Just promise me something," Brian said, rubbing his hands up and down Justin's back. "That if you get to that point again...I need you to tell me. Because I never wanna lose you," Brian whispered in his ear. He felt Justin shiver as he squeezed him tighter around his waist.

 

"I promise, Brian," Justin said.


Brian pulled him back.  "Say it again," he quietly said. He wanted to see Justin's face when he promised him.

 

"I promise, Brian," Justin said.


Brian leaned down and kissed him. Brian believed him because Justin had never promised before.  "You've come a long way, Sunshine," he praised him.


Justin nodded.  "I still have a long way to go. But I'm ready to get back to normal. Me, you, and Grayson," Justin said. He still had this foreboding feeling, though, that everything - no matter how much he convinced himself - was not back to normal. And would NOT be normal anytime soon. Sure, Justin could seem like he was okay, but deep down inside himself, he knew he wasn't. He spoke words out loud to convince himself. But he knew this bubble would burst. He'd lose everything again.

 

For now, however, Justin pushed all these bad thoughts away. No. Nothing bad would happen. Brian wouldn't let anything bad happen to him.

 

Yes, he would. Because Brian never loved you.

 


Justin shook his head. Of course, Brian loved him. He had asked him to marry him. He had bought them a house. He, Brian, and Grayson were a family. Brian loved him.

 

Keep telling yourself that, Justin.

 

He shook his head again.

 

Did you really think I'd leave you? I've never gone away, Justin. You just tried to convince yourself I wasn't here.

 

He shook his head one more time. He wasn't hearing voices. He WASN'T!

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It was a fairly quiet the first few days. Justin was in a lot of pain sometimes. It was hard for him to move around. It had been four weeks since Grayson had been born, and Justin was still so sore. Dr. Traber said it could take a while before his body would start feeling better. Some days Justin couldn't even get out of bed. So, most of the time it was up to Brian to take care of Justin and Grayson.

 

After the first five days by themselves - everyone had given the three of them time to get settled in -  Jennifer came by with food and presents for Grayson. She picked him up and fawned all over him. Justin happened to be sitting at the table, trying to eat breakfast. His stomach was really hurting that morning. "You two look so exhausted," Jennifer said.



Brian scrubbed his face.  "We're awake every two hours," he told her with a yawn.

 

"When was the last time you had a shower?" she asked.



Brian and Justin looked at each other.



"Okay, if you're not sure, then you need to go take one. Go take a shower and then go lie down. I have the whole day free, so I can spend some quality time with my grandson, and you two can take a break and catch up on sleep," Jennifer said, kissing Grayson.

 

Brian walked over and hugged Jennifer tightly. "Thank you," Brian said dramatically. Jen laughed as he pulled away. He walked back over to Justin. "You gonna eat anymore?" Brian asked.



Justin shook his head. "I feel like I'll throw it up," Justin said.



Brian helped Justin stand up, who hissed in pain. "You should take one of those pain pills," Brian said.



Justin shook his head. "They make me really sleepy. And even if I have trouble moving around, I can still help you feed and change Grayson and let you sleep," Justin said as Brian slowly helped him walk towards the bathroom.

 

"Take one and go to sleep. I have nowhere else to be," Jen said, sitting down and cooing at her grandson.



Brian looked around. His loft was a fucking mess. The two of them heading to the master bathroom, he helped Justin out of his clothes and into the shower. They both just stood there, letting the hot water soak their exhausted bodies, with neither able to move.

 

"I'm so tired," Justin said wearily. Brian made himself move and started washing Justin. He closed his eyes and melted into Brian's hands. When Brian was done, he quickly washed himself and then dried Justin off. He took a pill out and handed Justin a glass of water. He gladly took it. Justin went to walk out, but Brian stopped him.

 

"Let me get you something to wear first. Your mom's out there," Brian chuckled.



Justin nodded.



He grabbed something for both of them to wear; underwear and some shorts for each of them. They both walked out to the bedroom, and Brian helped Justin lie down, hearing him hiss in pain the whole way. By the time Brian lay down with him, Justin was already asleep. It took Brian seconds before he, too, joined Justin in dreamland.

 


 

It was well into the afternoon when Brian woke up. Justin was snoring softly and hadn't moved since they had lain down. Brian sat up and yawned. He looked around his room and saw nothing was on the floor. He stood up and looked all around. Everything was clean. Spotless.

 

"Good afternoon, sleepy head," Jen greeted him softly from her spot on the couch. She was reading a book. She had brought something to entertain herself. Grayson was sleeping in his bassinet.

 

"How did you do all this?" Brian asked. His loft had literally been a mess. Baby clothes and blankets had been everywhere. Bottles and dishes had covered the sink, counters, and table. There had been burp cloths all over. Blankets not only for Brian and Justin had been strewn everywhere. Their clothes had been thrown all over the place. There had even been clothes on his duvet when he had fallen asleep. He looked at his now neatly straightened closet. Previously the dresser drawers had been opened and clothes were hanging out of it. The drawers were all closed now.

 

Jennifer chuckled. "I've been a new mom before. And I've had plenty of sleep. I've had some experience at this stuff," Jen said, smiling at him.



Brian was just amazed. "Can you come over every day?" Brian asked.



Jen stood up and walked over to him. "Well, now that you've settled in, I'd love to come by as often as I can. If it's okay with you and Justin. I don't want to overwhelm you guys. But I'd love to be able to come by and help. And being with my grandson is an added bonus," she said happily.

 

"You have the job," Brian said and yawned.



Jen chuckled, and then became serious.  "How has he been since he's been home?" she asked.



He looked over at Justin. "So far, so good. He's been tired. Sometimes he's not in that much pain, but other times he can't even get out of bed. So that just makes him upset because he wants to take care of Grayson. Other than being a cranky ass, he really does seem more like himself...it's good to hear him laugh. And see him smile. And make jokes," Brian added. He could keep going on and on, but he stopped himself there. He didn't want to seem like a girl.



"Brian...I just don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here," Jen said.



Brian looked over at her.



"Thank you for taking care of him. And getting him through this. You're the only reason why he's here now. Because of you," Jen choked up.



Brian scoffed and walked over to the kitchen.  Jen had something cooking on the stove.

 

"I'm the fucking reason this happened to him in the first place. So, don't thank me," he grumbled, getting a water bottle out of the fridge.



Jen followed him.  "Have you ever realized that you tell Justin all the time that none of this was his fault?" Jen asked.



Brian turned back to her. "That Justin had every right to leave you? That you weren't being nice or honest with him? But you tell him it's not his fault. That it was Ethan's fault," Jen said, making Brian cringe. She gave him an apologetic look because she hadn't meant to say it. "He's the one who did this to Justin. Then why are you so hypocritical thinking it's your fault, when you know good and well that it wasn't either yours or Justin's fault? It was that piece of scum's fault. You guys broke up. It wasn't anyone's fault," Jen told him.



What a turn around that was. She thought it was had been his fault when fucking Hobbs had bashed her son's head in.

 

"I have some dinner on the stove. It's just chicken and dumplings, but Justin loves it. I have to go pick up Molly," Jen said, giving Grayson a kiss before handing him to Brian. "Will you please start thinking about what I said?" Jen asked.



He let out a deep breath. "Yes, Mother Taylor," Brian teased.



She chuckled and rolled her eyes, before heading toward the loft door and shutting it behind her. He looked down at his son. "Well, sonny boy. I guess it's just you and me till daddy wakes up," Brian said, kissing his forehead. Brian went over and sat on the couch with him.

 

Grayson had spent a whole month with them in the hospital because Justin couldn't leave. They had had it so easy there. The nurses would always take Grayson whenever Justin and Brian needed sleep. There had been a personal laundry room down the hall, and Jennifer had always been the first one to take care of that for them. Brian and Justin had literally sat in Justin's hospital room for the first two weeks while he had been on bed rest, and then had ventured out into the living area and eventually the courtyard.

 

Brian had even been able to get a lot of work done from Justin's hospital room. He had conducted all of his meetings through his webcam, with his staff and clients. Ted would bring him any work that Brian had requested. He had even landed a few accounts without ever leaving the hospital.

 

But now they were home, and it was a whole different world. Since everyone had let them settle in, it had just been the three of them. For five whole days, they had been on their own. He hadn't even opened his email. Ted had left him alone and had never bothered him with work.

 

Poor Justin.  He could be fine one minute, walking around and holding Grayson, and then he'd get these terrible stomach spasms. Dr. Traber said this could last up to three months. Every man was different. Men weren't supposed to have babies. It disrupted everything inside of Justin's body.

 

They really had made a mess of the loft. He was so glad to see it back to normal again. Jennifer had been a godsend. He wondered how long it was going to stay like this. He heard Justin let out a long snore and he chuckled. He looked down at Grayson who was yawning.

 

"You tired, Sonny Boy?" Brian asked as he touched the baby's cheek. He was this perfect mix of him and Justin. Grayson was over a month old, and he still couldn't believe that he was a dad again. A real dad. A full-time dad. He wasn't just an uncredited guest appearance. He had his rights to this guy. It was the strangest feeling. And he had been thinking about Gus a lot lately. He had been wishing more and more recently that he had never given up his rights to Gus. That he had made more of an effort to be a dad. He hoped that with having Grayson, maybe he would get that chance. Lindsay always said that if he wanted to spend more time with Gus, he just had to let her know.

 

Did he like this life? It had just been thrown at him suddenly. Over eight months ago. His life had changed eight months ago. He had spent that whole time preparing for this time in his life. Bringing Justin home. A happier and healthier Justin. He hadn't prepared himself for the baby, though. It had only been five days, but was he okay with it? Did he miss Babylon and fucking every hot guy he saw?

 

Truth be told, he did miss Babylon. But when he thought back on it, the moments that he truly missed all centered around Justin. He had plenty of good memories with the guys. Especially Michael. He shook his head as he thought about Michael. All those Babylon memories of fucking and sucking...he was finally tired of it. The unthinkable had finally happened!

 

He missed Michael, though. Who Michael used to be. The day that Justin was almost killed, something in Michael changed. And he had no idea what it was. He became this obsessed, venomous, insane person. He had no idea who this Michael was. He had to get a fucking restraining order against him. He could have used his best friend these past eight months. He would have loved to have heard Michael tell him that what had happened to Justin wasn't his fault.

 

And then there was Justin. It had only been five days since they had come home from the hospital. Justin had his freedom. Aside from going to their house as soon as they got out of the hospital, he hadn't left the loft. Neither of them had. He supposed that was just what new parents did, although Grayson was already a month old. How was this baby a month old? And still, he hadn't run kicking and screaming yet away from the newborn.

 

Justin woke up a while later, yawning, but he was standing and walking.



"Hey," Brian said as Justin walked over, scratching his head. Brian leaned down and kissed him. Justin gave him a soft smile. "Feeling better?" Brian asked.



Justin yawned again.  "Yeah, much better. God, have I been sleeping all day?" he asked.


"Pretty much," Brian said.



Justin held out his hands to take Grayson.  "Hey, buddy. Did Daddy sleep all day?" he asked him.

 

"Your mom made chicken and dumplings," Brian said. Justin eyes widened.

 

"Oh, God, that sounds so good right now! Does he have to eat or anything?" Justin asked.

 

"No. I just fed him and already changed him. He'll just need a bath in a little bit," Brian said.



Justin smiled.



"What?" he asked.

 

"You don't mind being a dad, do you?" Justin asked.



Brian chuckled.  "Well, he hasn't bugged the shit out of me yet."



Justin laughed at him.


"I do have something to tell you, though," Brian said, looking back up at him. "I have to go back to work tomorrow."



Justin stilled.



"But Daphne and your mom said they could come over and hang out with you. And security is still here, so no one's getting into this building that shouldn't be here," Brian told him as he touched his shoulders.

 

"I...I don't need a babysitter," Justin said uncomfortably.



Brian brushed some hair out of his face.  "No, you don't need a babysitter. But you do need some help with Grayson. Especially if you're in pain. And honestly, I don't wanna leave you home alone just yet. So, just let them come over and stay with you to keep you company," Brian said, kissing his cheek.

 

"I feel like a damn baby," Justin admitted. You are. You are a baby. A pathetic, little baby.

"You've come a really long way. When I first brought you to the hospital..." Brian trailed off. Justin had been a damn mess. "You couldn't eat without freaking out. You cried all the time. You were lost. And you've really gotten better. And I know you wanted to get out of that hell hole. And now you're home. And a week from now, you'll be better than you were today. And a month from now, and a year from now. But right now...we just gotta take it slow. So, don't feel like a baby. And just remember how far you've come," Brian said.


Justin smiled and leaned into him, ignoring the voice in his head.

 

"And next week you'll start seeing your new therapist. It will be really good for you," Brian told him.



Justin nodded sadly. "I don't wanna keep talking about what happened to me," he admitted.

 

"I don't blame you. But you need to. It'll help you," Brian said.



Justin nodded his head.

 


 

The next morning, Brian woke up before Justin did. He had breakfast delivered and arranged it attractively on a tray and set it down on the bed. "Wake up, Sunshine," Brian called out.


Justin yawned and started to wake up. He looked at the tray on the bed and eyed it suspiciously.  "What is that?" he asked.

 

"It's breakfast in bed," Brian said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.



Justin sat up. "Why?" he asked, not trusting it.



Brian laughed.  "Man, you really are out of it if you don't know what today is," he said.



Justin waited for him to tell him.



"Happy Birthday, Justin," Brian told him.



Justin hadn't even realized it was his birthday.



Brian pulled a card out and handed it to him.

 

"You got me a birthday card?" Justin whispered.



Brian nodded his head.



He opened the card and two plane tickets fell out.

 

"I switched them from Cancun to Florida. The ones I got you..." Brian trailed off. It was when he had  come to get Justin away from Ethan. "We'll take a couple weeks off; just the three of us. After you're feeling better. We can just relax there for a few weeks, sit out on the beach," Brian added. He got up a second later and returned with roses.



Justin's mouth fell open.



"I should have done all this last year. Celebrating accomplishments is great. But we should celebrate birthdays, too. Because you're alive. And that's a huge, fucking thing to celebrate," Brian told him, remembering Lindsay's words on Justin's 19th birthday.

 

"I promise I won't ever treat you like crap on your birthday again," Brian told him.



Justin just smiled at him. "I don't need trips or roses. All I need is you," he said, leaning forward to kiss him.

 

"Happy 20th Birthday, Justin." Brian whispered against his lips.



Justin smiled.  Don't count on making that trip. He's teasing you. He's gonna make you so happy, just to take it all away from you. Brian doesn't love you, Justin. Remember that.

 


 

The next morning was tough for Justin. He and Brian hadn't been apart since almost a month before Grayson was born, and Brian hadn't even been back to the office. He had already missed so much of work. But he could tell Justin was getting worried. Daphne came over with her school bag bright and early. "Hi, darling," Brian said as he let her into the loft and kissed her cheek.

 

"Hey. I'm so glad I get to stay here today. It'll be so much quieter than my dorm. My roommate got a new boyfriend and they're having sex like all the time, and she's so fucking loud. And he grunts the whole time. Like a pig grunting," Daphne told Brian as he handed her a cup of coffee.

 

"You're hanging out in a loft with a baby all day. How is that any quieter?" Brian asked.

 

"Grunting sex. I'll take a screaming baby any day." Daphne laughed.



Brian shivered.  "Hetero sex. It's gonna give me nightmares," Brian said, making Daphne chuckle.

 

"How's he doing?" Daphne asked, looking to see if Justin was still in bed.

 

"He's in the bathroom. I think he's nervous as hell that I won't be here today. I'm gonna have my cell on me. But if for some reason you can't get me, you have Ted, Cynthia, and Kinnetik's numbers. And they all know to put you through," Brian told her.



Daphne nodded.  "Don't worry about him. We're gonna be just fine. And at the first sign of any trouble, I promise to call you," Daphne said.



He nodded. He absolutely trusted Daphne with Justin. She knows the difference between a freak out, a panic attack, and a full-on episode. But the great thing was, she would know how to take care of Justin in all three of those situations. She was the perfect person to stay with Justin on his first day, because Brian already knew Daphne would be calling him today. It was going to happen. It was just a matter of when.

 

Luckily, his meeting participants had been warned about a family emergency that could possibly come up. Brown Athletics and Iconic Optics were well aware of Justin and his time spent in the hospital. Cynthia had given them the condensed version, and they were kind enough to be patient. He had two other meetings, but he couldn't remember whom they were with.

 

Justin walked out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth. "Hey, Sunshine. I made you some breakfast," Brian said as he set a plate at the table.



Justin couldn't sit at the island. He had to step up on the seat and pull himself up. He had a hard enough time walking up the three steps to the bedroom, let alone pulling himself up onto a chair. Justin slowly walked over to the table.



"Is it really hurting today?" Brian asked.



Justin nodded his head and held his stomach.



Brian held onto him as he eased down into the chair.

 

"You said yesterday you were feeling okay," Daphne pointed out to Justin as she sat down across from him.

 

"It's on and off," he said into his hands with his elbows on the table.

 

"It's basically really bad stomach spasms. All of his insides were rearranged for nine months. Now, he's paying for it," Brian said as he poured Justin some juice and handed him a pill.

 

"It's feel like someone is twisting my organs...I don't wanna take that. It makes me sleep all day," Justin complained.

 

"It's better than being in pain," Brian said.



Justin shook his head.  "It might go away," he told him.



Brian rolled his eyes and put it back in the bottle. Grayson started crying.

 

"I'll be right back," Brian said, stepping into their bedroom. Grayson was in the bassinet on Brian's side. Justin still had a hard time reaching for him. "Hey, there, Sonny Boy. Did you hear Daphne's big mouth?" Brian said as he picked him up and walked back over to the table.

 

"I heard that," Daphne griped at him.



Brian had a bottle ready for him and sat down next to start feeding him.



Justin reached over and touched Grayson's cheek. "Good morning, kiddo," Justin told him.

 

"If his stomach spasms get too bad, will you crush up his medicine and sneak it into his drink?" Brian whispered to Daphne.

 


"Drink this," Ethan told him.

"What did you crush up?" Justin asked. He saw him put something in his drink.

"You said your shoulder hurt. This will help you sleep," Ethan said. Of course, his shoulder hurt. He was worried that it had popped out of place when Ethan had sent him flying across the room.



"Drink it already Justin!" Ethan demanded.


 

"Justin!" Brian said.



Justin looked at him.



"Are you okay?" Brian asked him. Great, that didn't take long. He never even made it out of the loft.



Justin shook his head.  "I, um...I just had this...don't crush up anything in my drink," Justin told him frantically. Justin had fear in his eyes.



Brian looked over at Daphne.  "I was just joking. She wouldn't do that. I'd never let anyone do that to you," Brian gently told him.



Justin put his head down.



"He put something in your drink?" Brian asked.



Justin rubbed at his face.



Brian looked over at Daphne. "Come over here and take Grayson. I'm gonna call Cynthia to cancel my meetings."

 

"No. Please don't do that. I'm okay," Justin insisted as he grabbed his arm. "I swear, I'm okay.

 

"What did he put into your drink?" Brian asked.



Justin shrugged. "I don't know."

 

"Did he do it again?" Brian asked.



Justin shrugged again. "I don't know. I didn't even remember it until you said that," Justin told him.



Brian and Daphne looked at each other. Justin scrubbed his face. "It could have just been painkillers for my shoulder. I thought he popped my shoulder out. This was at the beginning. He was...nicer then," Justin said.



Brian and Daphne looked at each other again, disgusted and horrified at the thought.



"I'm really okay; I swear. Let me finish feeding him, so you can go to work," Justin said, pulling the bottle from Brian.



Brian handed Grayson to him.  "I can just do my meetings from here," he said, beginning to stand up, but Justin caught his arm.

 

"It's only gonna be harder for me tomorrow. Just go to work...and tomorrow will be a lot easier. If you put it off today, then it's just going to be harder for me again tomorrow. Just go, Brian," Justin told him.

 

Better get Brian out of here before he sends you back to the hospital, Justin.

Justin gulped as Brian rubbed his eyes. "Please, Brian, I need to do this. Please just go to work," Justin pleaded with him. It was true.  Justin did need some space from Brian. He needed to be able to stay at the loft alone, but it was baby steps.



Brian scrubbed his face and reluctantly agreed.  He kissed Grayson and Justin, and then he was off. He felt completely uneasy about leaving them, but he had to do it. The only way Justin was going to go back to a normal life was if he went to work. Baby steps.


 

Brian fought the urge to call the house as soon as he left. As soon as he got to Kinnetik. As soon as he sat at his desk. It was already driving himself crazy.



"Okay, boss, let me see pictures of the baby," Cynthia said as she and Ted came into his office.

 

"You should have stayed home for another week. Don't most parents take longer than a week?" Ted asked.

 

"He's over a month old, Ted. And I've taken more than two months off," Brian grumbled.



Cynthia snapped her fingers at him, waiting for his phone. He rolled his eyes and handed it to her. Cynthia started going through his phone and went crazy showing Ted.

 

"Oh, my God, he's precious! I still can't get over how he's both Brian and Justin's. I don't think I'll ever be over that," Cynthia joked.

 

"Yeah, no shit. How's Justin doing today?" Ted asked.



"I haven't gotten a call from Daphne. But the day's just started. So, you both know that if you get a call from her..."



"Brian, don't worry. If we get a call, we'll come and get you right away. And Ted and I can handle everything if you have to leave," Cynthia assured him. She looked back at the phone and showed Ted.



Brian leaned forward and snatched his phone away from her, a worried frown on his face.

 


 

Justin had been doing okay. He and Daphne were having a nice morning. Justin hadn't been in too much pain. He had just put Grayson down for a nap, and then sat on the couch. Daphne was sitting on the floor, using the coffee table as a desk to do her homework. He was tense ever since Brian had left, but that was normal. In a way, it was his first day on his own. But truth be told, he was freaked out about his flashback of Ethan crushing something into his drink. And that voice in his head.

 

He sat on the couch for a little while, going over his and Ethan's three months together in his head. Did that happen more than once? He tried to think really hard. All these memories and feelings were consuming him. He could practically feel the pain in his body from being slapped, punched, kicked, and thrown around all the time. He started thinking about the times that Ethan would stand there and laugh at him as he lain on the floor, humiliated by Ethan's latest disgusting punishment.

 

He remembered lying on the dirty kitchen floor, covered in Ethan's filth, Ethan standing above him just laughing. "I guess you'll think twice about spending too much time in the bathroom. Now you don't need to use it...you can sleep there like that tonight."

"Justin?" Daphne asked. She heard him start to breath heavier. Her first move was to text one of the security guards downstairs to stand outside the door if she needed them. She knew that the door was locked, so if Justin ran out she could try and stop him. But she knew Brian had given them a key to get inside in case she needed them. Then she came back and sat next to him and called his name. His body was shaking. He slowly looked up. It was for sure a panic attack. It was the beginning. She could tell he was stuck inside a flashback. She just needed to stay calm, so he would stay calm. She picked up her phone slowly and raised it to her ear.

 

Brian was sitting in his third meeting. His phone rang. He, Ted and Cynthia all stopped and looked at each other. The client just looked between the three of them. "What's wrong?" Brian asked softly as he answered it.

 

"I think you should come home," Daphne said. No further explanation.



He hung up and stood up. "I'm very sorry. I do have that family emergency that I need to take care of," he informed everyone.  



His client from the new beer company put his hand up.  "I completely understand. I'm sure Ted and Cynthia can take over for you," he said kindly.



Brian nodded and rushed out.

 


 

"Justin, I need you to just breathe." Daphne said calmly.



Justin was stuck in whatever flashback he was having. Tears started pouring from his eyes. "I just laid there...covered in it," Justin whispered.



Daphne didn't want to touch him. She had no idea what Justin was talking about. "It's okay, Justin. You're safe now," she reminded him gently.

 

"I just wanted to die." Justin started crying.

 

Brian rushed up the stairs and ran past the security guard before pulling the loft door open. Justin and Daphne were sitting on the couch.  He rushed over to Justin and knelt down in front of him. "Justin, it's me," Brian said. He put his hands on Justin's face to make him look at him. Grayson started crying then, and Daphne wasted no time in running to get him.

 

"He covered me with it. It was all over me. He made me sleep in it," Justin cried, starting to get worked up. What the fuck was he talking about now? Justin scrubbed his arms, trying to get some invisible thing off his body.

 

"Justin, it doesn't matter. It's not real. I'm right here. You're here with me," Brian whispered to him.

 

"But I just wanted to die," Justin cried.



Brian made him straighten up. "You don't want that anymore, Justin. You're in the loft. You're with me, and you're with Grayson. And Daphne's here. I got you, Justin. I'm right here. And he can't hurt you," Brian told him. He leaned forward and hugged him as Justin latched onto him tightly.

 

"I don't want to die anymore," Justin whispered to him.



Brian didn't know if Justin was trying to convince him, or himself. He swallowed hard, but then forced himself to smile, kissing Justin's temple.  "I know you don't, Justin. Because you're stronger than he is. He's not going to hurt you anymore," Brian told him.



Justin cried into his neck. He wasn't strong. Oh God, this was happening all over again. He thought he was doing well. How did this happen?

"This can't happen every day. It felt so real, like it was happening all over again," Justin cried.



Brian rubbed his hand up and down Justin's back. "I know. We can't make them stop. But we'll work through it. I promise, I'll get you through it," Brian told him.



Justin held onto Brian tightly, and softly cried. It took some time, but Brian eventually managed to get Justin to calm down. He was exhausted. He got Justin to lie down on the couch before he fell asleep. Brian scrubbed his face and went into his room to start taking his suit off. Daphne was sitting on the bed, feeding Grayson.

 

"Thanks," Brian said tiredly to Daphne.



She smiled and nodded.  "He was good all day. He just seemed really tense. But when he sat down and he started to relax...that's when it happened. He just started getting too deep into his thoughts or something," Daphne said. She looked over at Justin and then back at Brian. "Do you know what he was talking about? What was he covered in?" Daphne asked.



Brian looked over at her.  "He hasn't said it in words; he's only hinted at something that happened to him...but I can take a guess what it fucking was." Brian was seething.

 

"What did he do to Justin?" Daphne whispered.



Brian scrubbed his face. "Something no human being should have to endure. Something to make them feel less than a human being," Brian said as he sat on the bed.

 

"I thought we were done hearing all the bad things that had happened to him in those three months. I didn't think there was anything left." Daphne said sadly.



Brian scoffed. He finally admitted the words aloud that he had been suppressing. "I have a feeling he's nowhere near done telling us more stories...and that he's blocked a lot of things out."  He was pretty sure that Justin had been tortured far worse than he had ever let on. He had a feeling that Justin still didn't tell him many things, because he felt so humiliated. Or, that he truly had blocked out some memories. And after what Justin said today about the bastard crushing something into his drink...he had this nagging feeling that if Justin remembered that today, there really were things that Justin had forgotten about. What if a lot more had happened to him? He wasn't ready to face that. He sighed heavily. "You might as well take off. I'm home for the day," he told Daphne.

 


"Are you sure? I can stay and hang out with Grayson," Daphne offered.



Brian shook his head.  "We'll be okay," he told her, glancing down at his partner. "Thank you for today. I really appreciate it," he said.



Daphne nodded her head and packed up all her stuff before quietly departing.

 


 

Brian was worried about Justin. He was afraid of where this was going. Justin had remembered something today. Something horrifying. He couldn't risk letting Jennifer come over and hanging out with her son tomorrow.  He would have to stay home again. He wanted to do this right. He called Jennifer first, letting her know that he was staying home. And then he called Justin's therapist that he would be seeing starting next week. Sadly, they couldn't take him any earlier.

 

Justin woke up an hour later, a little groggy.



"Hey, there, Sunshine. How're you feeling?" Brian asked as he sat on the couch.

 

"I have a massive headache," Justin said.



Brian nodded. "I just put Grayson down. How about you and I go take a shower, and then we can walk around the block and get some fresh air?" Brian said.



Justin looked up at him and smiled. "That sounds really nice," Justin said.



Brian pulled him to stand up as they walked into the bathroom and undressed. One thing Justin hadn't done yet was take a shower by himself. He was too freaked out to do it on his own. Brian took his time washing Justin's body. He deserved a little pampering after the day he had had. Hell, after the 10 months he had. He deserved everything that life could offer him.

 

"Do you think I'll ever be like I was before?" Justin asked suddenly.



Brian stood behind him for a moment, and then turned him around.

 

"You're much better than you were 10 months ago. And 10 months from now, you'll be even better than you are today," Brian encouraged him. He knew he'd be repeating himself every day. But if it helped Justin, then he'd say it every day.



Justin smiled sadly.  "I wanna be that carefree again. I was so happy...and I was strong. I feel like a stranger to myself...but I wanna be him again."



Brian placed his hands on Justin's shoulders and squeezed. For some reason it was unnerving to hear Justin talk about himself in the third person. He had no idea why, though. "I promise you Justin...you'll be that person again. I'll make sure you remember who that Justin is. I'll make sure you get there," he promised him.



Justin turned in his arms. "I trust you. Because the only reason I'm standing here is because of you," he said, burying his face in Brian's chest.

 

When they were done showering, they got dressed and Grayson was awake. They brought the stroller out and set out on their mini adventure.

 

"You sure you're okay to walk?" Brian asked.



Justin nodded.  "Yeah I don't have any stomach spasms right now," he said as he pushed Grayson onto the elevator. Once they hit the front door, Brian took the stroller out, and Justin followed him. He stood outside and closed his eyes. Brian thought he looked peaceful. He was enjoying the sun on his face. The wind. He watched Justin take a deep breath. He was glad Justin was getting some fresh air.

 

Brian nodded to the security guard and they started walking. One of the security guards got out of the car and started walking behind them.



Brian rolled his eyes. He was fucking tired of having security guards. He was paying a pretty penny to have them continuously around. Watching the loft, Lindsay's house, Kinnetik, the Diner, Jennifer's house, Daphne's dorm, school, and work, Molly's school, Debbie's house, Emmett's apartment building (and Michael's), and Ted's building. If the fucker wanted to come back and cause trouble, he was like to cause it at one of those places. And if he showed up, Brian was never letting him get away.

 

"Is this weird?" Justin asked as they walked down the street, pushing the stroller.



Brian looked around.  "A little." He chuckled. It made him uncomfortable.

 

"People don't know we have a baby," Justin told him.



Brian nodded. "Well, Liberty Ave will figure it out eventually," he told him.

 

"What are we going to tell everyone?"

 

"We don't need to tell anyone anything. We already told who we needed to. Everyone else can go fuck themselves. They don't need an explanation," Brian told him.



Justin smiled at him as Brian reached over and squeezed the back of Justin's neck.

 

"You're gonna be okay, Justin. Just keep remembering that."

 

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