Brian was dreading today. He was going to be sitting with Justin and Dr. Traber while the good 'ole doctor went over everything that could go wrong. He was already in a shitty mood, so he wasn't prepared for what he walked into. "Hey, Sunshine." Brian said.


Justin was sitting, staring at the wall.


"What's wrong?" Brian asked as he sat in the recliner.

 "My dad paid Ethan to abuse me?" Justin asked.


Brian's mouth dropped.


Justin turned his head. "My own father?" Justin asked.


Brian stood up and sat next to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.  "Justin, I'm sorry. Fuck, how'd you even find out?" Brian asked.

 "I asked Daphne," Justin said sadly.

 "Please don't let this set you back, Justin. Just forget about that prick," Brian said.


Justin pushed him away.  "He's my father. He's supposed to love me," he whispered.


Before he could say anything else, there was a knock on the door. Justin wiped at his face as Dr. Traber - who had no idea anything was happening - entered the room.

The doctor reviewed everything that could possibly go wrong with a male pregnancy. It made Brian miserable hearing all this. Hearing the possibility that Justin could die. How had Justin gotten this far? Survived suicide attempts. Survived getting bashed in the head. Survived getting left in a tub to die. And now he could die from complications of being fucking pregnant? This was just pissing him off the more he heard about the possible ramifications. He tried to keep the anger off his face, but he was having difficulty disguising it.

Dr. Traber left them about an hour later to mull over everything that had been covered. He and Justin had some decisions to make. "Are you okay?" Brian asked. He could tell Justin was overwhelmed. He couldn't focus on simply getting better. Instead, he had to be thrown into this whole fucking mess: the fact that his father had paid Ethan to hurt him, and that he could die from being pregnant.

"I don't know," Justin confessed. He put his hand on his stomach, probably without even realizing it. Their son.


Brian shook his head. He wouldn't think about that anymore. He'd change his perception if both Justin and the kid wound up safe. But right now, there was a ticking time bomb inside Justin's body and he wanted no part of it.


"What do you think?" Justin asked.


He let out a deep breath. "I don't think you're going to like what I have to say," Brian began hesitantly.


Justin's eyes welled up with tears.  "I...I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. Please...just help me with this," Justin pleaded.


Brian took his hand in his.  "Listen, I'm going to be honest with you just like I've always been. Above all else, I want you safe. If your life hangs in the balance...and I have to choose...I'm choosing you. You can hate me all you want for feeling that way. But I choose you and I always will," Brian told him.


Justin wiped at his tears.  "I can't be that selfish and choose my own life over his," he insisted.

"Then DON'T choose. I will. I'll be the selfish one for the both of us. Let ME carry that burden. I'll choose to save you, and you can get pissed at me," Brian said.


Justin let more tears fall as Brian continued.


"If we lose him...then, hell, we'll adopt a whole bunch of babies, or we'll shoot your jizz into some woman and get you babies of your own. But I won't choose him over you. I can't do that," Brian admitted. God, he sounded horrible just hearing what he was saying. He'd kill his own son to save Justin.

He felt bile start to rise up in his throat and he barely made it to the trash can before he puked up his breakfast. God, he was disgusting. He'd let his son die? What horrible father thinks like that?


He felt Justin's hand on his back, as he urged him to sit down. Justin sat down on the bed facing him. "I wouldn't be angry with you," Justin said as he pushed some of Brian's hair back. "Maybe we don't make this decision now. Maybe we take it one day at a time," Justin told him. He reached forward and laced their fingers together. "You can't take on that burden all by yourself. I won't let you do that," Justin whispered.

Don't get attached to this baby, Brian. You may never meet him. You may never hold him. And that was okay. As long as Justin survived.


Justin lay down on the bed while Brian held his hand. "I don't want to talk about my dad. Ever again," Justin said suddenly.


Brian nodded his head. He stayed with Justin 'till he fell asleep. It was fairly early, but he figured it was best to just let him sleep.

As he was walking out, two of the nurses stopped him at the nurse's station so they could talk to him. "Mr. Kinney," Lana called out. She seemed to always be at the nurse's station when he was there. The other one had come in a bunch of times to take blood or deliver food to Justin. He looked and saw that 'Parker' was his name.

"We had a bit of a weird situation earlier. I was covering the desk for a little while outside of VIP, and one of your friends came by, asking if he could gain clearance to see Justin," Parker reported, looking over at Lana.

"So?" Brian asked.

"Well, this friend wasn't on the list. He didn't want to give us his license, but he said that he was your boyfriend and that he wanted to check on Justin for you to make sure that he was okay. It was actually kind of unclear who's boyfriend he was, because he changed it from Justin to you," Parker revealed.


Brian's eyes widened.


"We have a picture of Mr. Gold, so we knew it wasn't him," Parker reassured him.


Brian's blood was boiling.


"He said he really needed to see you, and he needed to see Justin, because it was some sort of emergency. He was acting pretty odd and started getting angry, insisting that he was practically family and demanding that he be let back there to check on Justin. That he was your family and had a right to be back there. He finally stormed off when we wouldn't agree to his request." Parker handed him a picture. "Do you know who he is?" he asked.


Brian crumbled the paper in his hand. "I'm gonna fucking kill him." Brian growled as he stormed off to find Michael. What the fuck was he trying to do? Why the fuck did he want to see Justin?

He drove to Michael and Emmett's apartment and pounded on the door. Ben opened it. "Brian, what the hell is the matter with you?" he asked as Brian stormed in.

"Where the fuck is Michael?" Brian demanded.

"I think he's at the comic bookstore. What's the matter with you?" Ben asked.

"If you see your precious little cock-sucking boyfriend, tell him to stay the fuck away from the hospital. And stay the fuck away from me and Justin," Brian snapped.


Ben's eyes widened. "What the hell is your problem? I'm not gonna say anything to Michael..." Ben tried to say, but Brian stormed out of the apartment.


He was fucking angry. What the hell was Michael trying to do? He wanted Justin dead, so why would he want to see him? He was pissed as he threw open his loft door and started banging things around. He barely heard the knocking on the door. He knew who that was. That fucking little cocksucker. He threw opened the door, yelling, and making Lindsay jump.

"Jesus, Brian! You almost gave me a heart attack. What's wrong?" Lindsay asked.


Brian started pacing as Lindsay came in and slid the door shut.  "Fucking Michael tried to see Justin, even after all the fucking shit he was saying. He told me that I should let Justin deal with his own mess with that fucking pussy murderer. That I should have left him there to die. That I should just go back to Babylon and get my dick sucked. He wanted me to go find some fucking trick in the backroom! And did I mention that he actually tried to suck my dick?" Brian demanded.


Lindsay's eyes widened. She was frozen. "Wait, what?...What do you mean...tried?" Lindsay asked, worried about the answer.

"Like actually put his fucking tongue on my dick! He kept saying get your dick sucked, get your dick sucked. Over and over again. So, I took my pants down and told him to suck me off. I was calling his bluff. And the little cocksucker got on his knees and licked my cock, and then begged me to actually let him suck my dick, saying he could do it better and could make me happy. Then he tells the hospital that he's Justin's boyfriend, and then MY boyfriend, so he could get back there. I'm gonna fucking kill him!" Brian said as he sat down, putting his face in his hands.

He felt Lindsay sit down next to him and start to rub his back. "You're not going to worry about Michael, because we're ALL going to take care of him. The only one you need to worry about is Justin," Lindsay told him.


Brian scoffed and laid back against the couch.


"Brian, I think you need to take a break," Lindsay said gently.

"Oh, take a break from Justin, right? Let him rot in that fucking hospital by himself, right?" Brian demanded.

Her mouth fell open. "No, that's not what I meant!" Lindsay correctly him hastily. Her eyes welled up with tears. "The last thing I want is for Justin to be by himself right now. How could you think that about me?" she whispered, tears streaming down her face.


Brian scrubbed his face. "I'm sorry," he grumbled. He never said those words to anyone. He finally had with Justin, but no one else.

"I know you don't want to hear this. Because you would never admit this. But for once, I think you're overwhelmed." Lindsay said gently.


Brian didn't say anything. He couldn't refute that statement.


"Everything that happened to Justin. He almost died. And you haven't had one single moment to deal with that, or with him being suicidal. And now his father's being investigated, and they haven't found him yet," Lindsay stated, knowing him well enough to never say the violin player's name. "And now, to top it all off...Justin's pregnant...and we don't know what's going to happen to him."   


Brian still said nothing. He wouldn't even take his hands away from his face.


"You keep on going back to work. And all you do is yell and slam doors...You need to accept that you can't do all this by yourself. You are human, Brian. And I think this is just too much for you," Lindsay told him softly.


Brian snorted. Cynthia must have called Lindsay and told her how he was at work.  "And just what the hell would you have me do?" Brian demanded as he took his hands away from his face and glared at her.

"For starters, lean on us. We'll help you and Justin get through this. And letting us take care of Michael would be another great idea," Lindsay replied.


He just shook his head. "You're not going to be able to take care of Michael. He's officially off his rocker. And didn't he finally knock Melanie up?" Brian pointed out, scrubbing his face and leaning all the way back against the couch, letting his head fall back.

"You're just now noticing that she's a month away from having a baby?" Lindsay asked.


He ignored her.


"Why don't you think all of us can handle him? For once in your life, have a little faith in us and let us take something off your shoulders. Let us deal with Michael. Stop going into work when you don't need to and causing all that trouble. Just worry about Justin. Take care of yourself and take care of him. That's it," Lindsay told him.


He didn't respond. They sat there for a while in silence.  "Why were you upset when I told you all to leave?" Brian asked without picking his head up. He heard Lindsay take a deep breath and let it out slowly before she chuckled softly.

"It was a weird feeling I had. We have a son together. And I thought the only way you would have another child would be with me. Unless I had more babies...then you wouldn't have any more. It was just a strange feeling to know that you're going to have a son that isn't mine...I know; it's stupid and silly."


Brian moved his head to look at her.  "Are you jealous?" he asked.

"I think that emotion happened. It's not that I'm jealous of Justin. It's just hard to explain. I can't fathom you being a parent to another child when you're not..." Lindsay trailed off.


He sat up. "...when I'm not a father to Gus," Brian completed her thought.


Lindsay covered her face as she started to cry.


He sighed. "I was never cut out to be a father. And if Justin doesn't die and the baby lives, then I have to somehow figure out how to be a fucking full-time father," Brian ground out.


Lindsay looked at him.  "You're not okay with him having this baby, are you?" she whispered in realization.

"I'm not thinking about his...our situation. I'm not celebrating it. I'm not getting attached to the baby. I won't do it. All I want is for Justin to make it through this fucking mess," Brian said.


Lindsay suddenly reached over and hugged him before he could say another word. "I'm so sorry, Brian," she whispered. "I can only imagine how scared you are."


Brian wouldn't admit that out loud, although Lindsay always knew how he was feeling, even when he never wanted to admit it to himself.


"You just have to lean on us. I'll have faith for the both of us that Justin will be okay. And the baby."  She peered over at her friend sympathetically.


Brian had no faith. He was angry. So fucking angry. He couldn't believe how angry he was becoming. How had he let all of this happen?

Brian was relieved that Justin was starting to improve a little each day. It was subtle things here and there. He had finally started sketching. He didn't do it for long. He was out of practice, and he could tell Justin wasn't satisfied with anything he drew. But he, their family, and even the hospital encouraged Justin to keep drawing. They hadn't been lying when they had said he was good, because he was fucking fantastic. But Justin had stopped believing it.

He was eating better. He was still eating slowly, and it took some encouragement, but he was getting better. And he was asking Brian to get him something specific to eat. It was music to Brian's fucking ears. He happily brought Justin some type of snack all the time. And he loved it when he'd get a glimpse of that Sunshine smile.

He had started having conversations with the nurses that had been in the room with him; there was only one left now that sat by his bedside. The nurses all fawned over him, but then again, everyone did that with Justin. He was a sweetheart, and Brian was glad that Justin was starting to shine through, and that the nurses were getting to see who Justin really was. Just a little glimmer.  But it was an encouraging sign.

And now staff would leave the room whenever he had to use the bathroom. That was the biggest fucking thing. It had been gradual. First, they had waited in the room with him. Next, they had let him shut the door. And then came the day when he had asked to go to the bathroom, and Parker had silently walked out of the room with just a smile. Justin had been ecstatic. That privacy meant the world to him.

He never wore a hospital gown now. Brian had brought him clothes to wear. He liked all the hoodie and sweatpants. He started smiling a little more. His therapist and psychologist came in every day to see him, and Dr. Traber came from Boston once a week to check on Justin. He was starting to venture out of his room and walk down the hallway. There was a living space (if you wanna call it that) that Justin could sit in and watch T.V. There was also a garden that could only be accessed from the VIP wing that he was starting to enjoy. Little by little he was getting better.

All the time Brian was away from work - only going in every once in a while - had him thinking. He hated working for someone else. He wanted his own company. So, while he was getting paid by Vanguard, he started working on what it would take to open his own company.

Before Brian even realized it, three months had passed. Justin had been in the hospital three months now. He was shocked when he looked at the calendar. None of the rest of the hospital could see Justin, so he was free to walk around inside the VIP wing. Only VIP staff knew that Justin was pregnant, so he was free to roam around. The nurses loved when he stopped by their station. They were starting to get to know him and welcomed his presence.

And Justin was becoming bigger and bigger. Justin was 24 weeks along. It scared Brian more and more every day. All he heard when he was around Justin was 'tick, tick, tick.'  And this time it wasn't because Brian was getting old. It was because every second of every day, Justin was in danger. Every night when he went home, Brian wondered if it would be Justin's last.

And then one day, something started to change in Justin. He started talking about the baby. About their future. He handed Brian a picture that he had sketched. "It's what I want the wall to look like in the baby's room," Justin had said. This was the first conversation they had had about the baby. "I was hoping...maybe we could get a different kind of apartment. Or maybe a house. So, he could have his own room and I can paint the wall...I'm really hoping before he gets here. If they let me out of here, that is," Justin chuckled.


Brian stared at it, reality hitting him in the face.


"Do you like it?" Justin asked.


Brian looked up and smiled and then handed it back to him.

"I love anything you draw, Sunshine," Brian answered him. But in honesty, he didn't want to look at it. Justin always gave him his sunshine smile whenever he called him 'Sunshine.' He had made it a habit to call him Sunshine a lot more. If calling him Sunshine got him a smile, then he was more than happy to do it.

"What do you think about moving? It would be up to you. But I don't think the loft is gonna be big enough for the three of us," Justin continued.


Brian gulped hearing this. The three of them? God, he was praying that it would be just the two of them. And by 'two,' he was wanting Justin to be the other person. He couldn't get attached to the thought of the three of them together. Brian cleared his throat and looked up, smiling at him.

"Whatever you want, Sunshine," he agreed, kissing his cheek.

"And I was thinking about what you might call your company," Justin announced, handing Brian another piece of paper.

"Kinnetik," Brian read aloud.

"What do you think?" Justin asked.


Brian smiled at him again. "This is actually perfect," he said sincerely, kissing him softly on the lips. Kinnetik had a name.

"Well, I really want you to open your own agency. You'd finally be your own boss," Justin said.


Brian leaned forward and kissed him softly again. He scooted closer and wrapped his arm around Justin's shoulder, deepening their kiss. He never thought he'd miss kissing this man. Just kissing and he was completely content.


"I miss that," Justin whispered.


It was good to hear that.  "You're gonna have to get your ass outta this joint, so we can do it more often."

"I'm trying, Brian. I really am," Justin told him.


Brian pulled away and nodded.  "I know you are. You're different than when you first came in here." He averted his eyes and looked straight ahead. He had a question that was burning him up inside. "Do you still think about it?" he whispered, not wanting to see his reaction. "Think of killing yourself?" He heard Justin take a deep breath and slowly let it out. He was afraid of his answer.

"Yes." Justin admitted.


That cut through Brian like a knife. What was he doing wrong to still make Justin feel like that?


"Not like I did. I don't wanna jump up and do it right now...and I don't think about it as much...but I still think about it. And sometimes I want to. Especially when I think about how Ethan's still out there and what he did...and I know he's waiting for me to get out of here," Justin said sadly. Justin looked ashamed as Brian looked over at him.

"It's okay. We're gonna get through this," Brian vowed, kissing his temple.

A couple more weeks went by. Michael had been blowing up Brian's cell phone and house phone. Kept calling Vangard. Sent him a million emails. Sent him a million texts. He hadn't had time yet to change his phone numbers. He was relentless. So much for Lindsay and them trying to take care of Michael. That was a fucking joke. One night, he came home and was surprised when he opened the door and the alarm wasn't on. He instantly straightened up. He heard an odd noise coming from his bedroom. What the fuck? It almost sounded like moaning. He slowly walked up to his bedroom and received the biggest shock of his life.

Michael was lying in his fucking bed, naked. With a dildo that he only used for him and Justin! His and Justin's dildo! Fucking himself in HIS bed. Purposely waiting for him. How did Brian know he was waiting for him? Because he made eye contact with Brian the second he walked up to the bed. And he was moaning Brian's name. Over and over again.

"Get...the fuck...out of my loft," Brian snarled through gritted teeth.

"Please, Brian. Fuck me," Michael begged.


It was the fucking grossest thing he'd ever seen in his life. Michael spread wide open, fucking himself with Justin's dildo, begging Brian to fuck him. "Please, Brian. I'm open wide for you. Just fuck me. Let me prove how good I am," Michael moaned.


It was obvious that Michael was fucking high. Brian could tell simply by the sound of his voice. And how the fuck did he get in? He had taken away his key. Twice. He spun around and grabbed Michael's pants and searched for the key until he found it. He stormed into the kitchen and shoved it into a drawer. This was the third fucking time he had taken away a key to his own loft. He yanked his cell phone out of his pants and called Lindsay.

"Hi, Brian," Lindsay answered.

"You think coming home to find Michael fucking himself on my bed with Justin's dildo is taking care of things?" Brian demanded.

"Wait!  What?"

"I fucking come home and he's naked on my bed! Fucking himself with Justin's dildo. WITH JUSTIN'S DILDO!" Brian yelled at her.

"Okay, I'm coming over," Lindsay told him, earning a scoff in return.

"You couldn't take care of before. So, now I AM," Brian snarled as he hung up. He stormed into his room, Michael never skipping a beat. He yanked Michael up by his arms and pulled him roughly toward the door.

"Please, Brian, don't do this! Aren't you hard after you saw me? I'm right here and I'm ready for you," Michael pleaded.

"You fucking disgust me." Brian yanked the door open and pushed him roughly out, making him stumble and fall. Brian followed him out and bent down, getting right in his face. "Don't you EVER fucking come near me again!" Brian snapped, punching him in the face and causing Michael to scream. He didn't know how long he had been Michael, but he felt the security guards dragging him off Michael.

"Where the fuck are his clothes?" one of them asked.

"They're in the fucking loft. But he can leave here ass-naked for all I care!" Brian yelled. One of the guys ran into the loft, grabbed Michael's clothes, and came back out. The other guy restraining Brian pulled him back into the loft and waited till Michael was escorted out of the building before he let Brian go. Brian was fucking pissed, almost as pissed as he was at the bastard who had tried to kill Justin.

He needed to get out of there. He stormed out of the loft and went to Babylon. He needed to fuck a guy. It didn't even matter what he looked like. He was going into the backroom and fucking the first ass he saw. He stormed up to the bar and took shot after shot. He stormed into the backroom and shoved a guy out of the way who was fucking someone else. He ripped his jeans down and ripped open a condom.

"Hey, I had him first," the guy said, trying to move Brian, but Brian shoved him away.

"Fuck off!"  He lined his cock up with the guy's ass and just stared down at it. All he had to do was shove it in. He'd done it a million times before. He loved fucking a guy's ass. He looked down and realized that he hadn't fucked anyone since he had found Justin dying in the bathtub. He hadn't been to Babylon or Woody's in four months. Four fucking months. He hadn't had so much as a hand job from anyone. He'd been jerking himself off. Four whole fucking months...and then came the scariest thought of all. He didn't even want to be here. He had no desire to be here.

He suddenly pulled back, ripped the condom off his dick, and yanked his pants back up before storming out, his 'Vette screeching out of there. By the time he got home he was tipsy. He pulled up to the sidewalk - his front tire actually resting on the curb - and stumbled out of his Vette.

"Hey, you fucking asshole!" He heard someone say.


He looked around and saw Justin's father.  "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Brian lunged at him and shoved him back.


The security guard at the front door rushed to intervene.  "Mr. Kinney, you don't want to do this again," he told Brian, hugging him from behind to restrain him. Another security guard came up to put more distance between them.

"I know you're the one who accused me of paying that sick fuck to hurt Justin. But I didn't do a fucking thing! I had nothing to do with it!" Craig roared.


Brian laughed as he pulled out of the security guard's grasp.  "No one else in Justin's life has that kind of money to throw around, except for you and me. And we all know I fucking didn't pay anyone to abuse him. Hell, I wanted him to fucking stay!" Brian snarled, holding his arms out.

"You're a real fucking piece of work!  I could lose my store because you wanna accuse of me of helping some asshole try to kill my son! I don't agree with his lifestyle, and I may not want a fag in my life. But at the end of the day, he's still my son and I'd NEVER TRY TO KILL HIM!" Craig yelled, trying to lunge at Brian. A third security guard came over and helped drag Brian inside.

Brian shoved the security guard away, stumbling up the stairs and barging into the loft. He made a beeline for his bar and grabbed the Beam, guzzling it all down. Bottle after bottle.

All his rage erupted. He started throwing things all around his loft. He was furious with himself for being so fucking stupid and letting Justin leave. His fucking pride is what almost got Justin killed. His fucking rage at the prick who abused him and tried to kill him. His fury at Craig for paying the prick to abuse him. His anger that Justin had wanted to kill himself, and his own inability to help him. His frustration over Justin having to be hospitalized. And the worst part of all? The rage that Justin was pregnant and could die as a result.  He broke everything in his loft, and somewhere along the line he passed out.

The next day, he woke up with a splitting headache and his whole body hurt. After a few minutes, he started to wake up and realized that his knuckles had dried blood on them. He was lying on his mattress, but it wasn't on the bed. He looked up and realized it was on the stairs. His head was below the bottom step, and his legs were in his bedroom. He laid his head back down, exhausted.

"I can't even salvage this," he heard Lindsay say.

"Yeah, I think we're gonna need more trash bags," Melanie replied.

"I have another roll in my car. I didn't think we'd need so many," he heard Ted add.

"I can't believe his loft is this badly damaged," Emmett exclaimed.

"How are we supposed to get him off the stairs and back into bed?" Lindsay asked.

"There's no reason to move him now. He's still passed out," Melanie told them.

"I haven't found one thing that isn't broken," Emmett said.

"What's he gonna do about his computer?" Lindsay pondered.

"Brian will be fine. He'll just replace it all," Ted said.

"Did you talk with Debbie?" Emmett asked.

"She said Michael could go home later this morning. He doesn't have internal injuries, and his ribs aren't broken. So, he's going to be just fine," Melanie grumbled.

"I can't believe he did that to Brian," Lindsay said sadly.


He heard Melanie snort.  "It's fucking disgusting. Who breaks into someone's house to start using their dildo and fucks themselves on their bed? He's out of his fucking mind! God, I can't even stomach the fact that I'm having a baby with him. There's no fucking way I'm letting him see her. I should have just fucking had a baby with Brian," Melanie bitched.

"Calm down," Lindsay urged.

"He's just mental now. Everything's about 'Brian this' or 'Brian that.' He's become obsessed. I don't know how he's hidden all this from Ben," Ted observed.

"Well, maybe someone should fucking tell him," Melanie said.

"Ben loves Michael. And Michael loves Ben," Emmett pleaded.


Melanie snorted again and laughed.  "Yeah, so fucking much that he actually tried to suck Brian off. And then he started fucking himself on Brian's bed. Yeah, he really loves Ben," Mel sneered.

"Wait! He...he did what?" Emmett asked.

"He tried to suck Brian off?" Ted asked.

"We need to take better care of Brian. We need to try harder. And we need to keep Michael away from him," Lindsay said.

"Brian will never let us help him," Ted said.

"Then we have to anyway. And with Justin being pregnant..." She never got to finish her sentence, because that was when Brian decided to let them know he was awake as he stirred.


"Brian, are you okay?" Lindsay asked.


Brian managed to stand up, not even caring that he was naked. "I want you all to get the fuck out of here," he groaned.

"Brian, this place is a mess! We can help finish cleaning up," Ted said.


But Brian shook his head.  "I don't want anyone else in this loft. I want you all to get out," he told them, walking away and heading toward the shower. He stayed away from the hospital for four days. He just couldn't bring himself to go back just yet. Instead, he worked on his new computer every day, trying to get Kinnetik up and running.

"When is Brian coming back?" Justin asked Lindsay.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. He's just on a bender. It has nothing to do with you. It's about Michael. He'll be back, I promise," she assured him.


Justin lay on his side and shook his head. "He doesn't want this. He doesn't want me," he cried softly.

"No, Justin! That's not it. He had a really bad fight with Michael. That's what this is all about. He DOES want you. Everything he does is because he loves you," Lindsay insisted, trying to reassure him. But it was no use.

"He never wanted this. He never did. God, I'm so fucking stupid to believe that he wanted me!" Justin cried.


Lindsay was at a loss. There was no way to convince him. Only Brian could do that.

On the fourth day, he went to the office and let Vance know he was quitting. Vance understood and let him walk away with a sizeable severance payment. It was only for two months, but it also included all his accrued sick time, vacation time, and bonus pay. He was gonna build his company with that money.

He finally realized that he couldn't avoid Justin anymore, so he went to the hospital. To his surprise, he could hear laughter coming from Justin's room. When he opened the door, he just stood there, his mouth agape. Everyone was there. Jen, Daphne, Debbie, Lindsay, Melanie, Emmett, and Ted. There were blue balloons and blue decorations. They were throwing Justin a baby shower. A fucking baby shower!

"Brian. We were wondering where you were. I've only called you 50 fucking times. We're throwing Sunshine here a baby shower," Debbie said hotly. She seemed angry at Brian. Well, why wouldn't she be? He had beat the shit out of her son...but he was pissed, too! He balled his fists. His body was shaking.

"I knew this wasn't a good idea. I told you guys this would happen," Lindsay whispered.

"We just wanted to show Justin our support," Daphne explained.

"And cheer him up, since someone was on a fucking drunken bender and wasn't coming around," Debbie said, glaring at him.

"Get this fucking blue shit out of this God damned room," Brian seethed.

"Brian, please..." Lindsay tried to say.

"GET IT ALL OUT OF THE FUCKING ROOM!" Brian yelled; he started tearing down the decorations and grabbing random things and throwing them out into the hall. "Why are you fucking celebrating? He could fucking die from this baby!" Brian said.


Everyone was motionless, but Lindsay jumped forward.

"Brian, stop this right now. Don't go down this road," Lindsay pleaded with him.

"Justin might fucking die from this baby! Only a few men have survived, and you want to celebrate it?" Brian demanded.

"Brian, please stop. We understand your fear. But this is for Justin..."

"He could fucking die! Any second now," Brian repeated, his voice choking. Justin could die. He was finally letting it sink in. Justin could truly die any second.

"What's going on in here?" Jake, one of the male nurses, asked as he came in.

"Go ahead, fucking celebrate it! And when something goes wrong, don't come crying to me," Brian growled, storming out of the room.

Everyone was quiet. They didn't know what to say.

"I need everyone to leave," Justin whispered.

"Honey he's just having a hard time," Jennifer said.

"I want everyone to leave. Right now," Justin said as he started breathing heavily.

"Hey Justin, it's okay; I need you to calm down," Jake said quietly as he came into the room to stand in front of him, observing Justin obviously in distress. "I think everyone should exit the room now," Jake told them.


Another nurse came in to help. "Get him something for his anxiety," Jake instructed as the nurse nodded and walked out of the room.  "Justin, just calm down," Jake told him as he faced the others . "Go...NOW."  Jake repeated firmly as everyone rushed from the room. Ted and Emmett hastily started picking everything up before they, too, followed after their friends to find them sitting in a nearby lounge.

"I knew this was going to happen. He's scared Justin's going to die. God, what did we do?" Lindsay wept into her hands as she sat on a couch. Melanie hugged her.

"I just couldn't get through to Justin that Brian was upset by Michael. Not him," Lindsay cried.

"He had no fucking right to do this," Debbie growled, upset. She snatched a couple of things off the ground.

"Yes, he did. We shouldn't have done this. We all should have listened to Lindsay. She tried to tell us, but we didn't want to listen," Vic said.

Brian's friends' fears were well-founded. He went on a binger. The worst one he had ever had. It was lasting all week. He'd only leave the loft to get more alcohol. He'd drink all day, pass out, wake up, drink some more, and then pass out again. He had no desire to fuck a guy. All he cared about was drinking and heading into oblivion.

"Brian's never coming back. He finally left me like he should have. I knew he hated me. I just want to die without him," Justin cried to Lindsay and Daphne a few days after the baby shower.

"He's just scared, Justin. He's scared that he's going to lose you," Lindsay tried to explain, but Justin continued to cry.

"He just feels obligated. He keeps getting stuck with me. I never should have fallen into this dream that he really did love me. He doesn't love me, and I should have accepted that. I'm so fucking stupid. I knew this would happen," Justin berated himself.

"Please don't let Ethan make you think that way about Brian. Brian's completely crazy about you and we all know that. He loves you. That's why he's acting out. He's just in his loft drinking like a mad man. He'll be back, Justin. I promise," Daphne told him.


But Justin kept crying.  "Why did I let this happen? He doesn't love me. Ethan was right all along. I'm just some stupid pet of his. And now he's stuck taking care of me. He hates me," Justin cried.


Lindsay and Daphne just stared at each other. There was no getting through to him.

One day though when Brian woke up, he had vomit all over himself. He tried sitting up and realized there was vomit everywhere. He was covered in it. God, what had he done? He crawled his way into the shower and sat there on the floor, letting the water cascade down upon him as he fell back asleep. He had no idea how long he sat there. The water started out scorching hot, but now it was ice cold. He eventually stood up and washed himself, and then walked out. He found a towel and wrapped it around himself before collapsing back onto the bed.

"You could have killed yourself, you know," a voice softly called out to him some time later. She was unexpectedly sitting on the bed. How long had he been sleeping? "I'm glad you at least took a shower. This is the first time I've seen you sober," she informed him.


He just groaned, squinting his eyes shut.


"I need you to sober up, and I need you to go see Justin," she told him.


Fuck, what did he say to him? God, he hadn't been able to even look at Justin when he had told everyone that Justin could die. He never once looked at him while he threw out all the presents that their family had given him.


"He needs you. He thinks that you hate him," Lindsay said.


He opened his eyes and stared at her.

"I tried to explain to him what you were upset about. It's not the fact that he's pregnant, but the what you had said - that he could die, and you're so petrified that might happen. That you're afraid to get attached to the baby, because you guys could lose him," Lindsay repeated.


Great. This was just fucking great.

"He only lets me and Daphne in to see him right now. And he just sobs. His heart is broken. But it doesn't matter what I say. He needs to hear it from YOU. And you need to be honest with him. For God's sake, you asked him to marry you, Brian!  But then you scream at him and throw all the baby's presents out of the room. Everyone just wanted to do something to help Justin. Give him something happy to look forward to. Something to help keep his mind off the fact that you hadn't shown up for four days," Lindsay said.


Brian's eyes widened as he realized what she had said, and she rolled her eyes.

"Yes, he told me that you had proposed to him. And now he thinks that you regretted it from the moment you asked him. You haven't talked about it since then. Justin is falling backwards again. He was doing so well. He won't talk to anyone these past few days. He's eating and drinking, but he lies in bed and cries, and refuses to talk now," Lindsay said.


God, what did he do? What has he done? He hadn't been to the hospital in 11 days, minus the day in the middle when he had arrived and ruined Justin's baby shower.

"So, get dressed and get over there," Lindsay told him.


God, he felt so sick. He got dressed and caught himself in the mirror. Even with a shower he looked like shit. He followed Lindsay out of the loft.


"I just called your housekeeper. She's been afraid to come by this week. I told her there's vomit everywhere," Lindsay told him with a glare. "And you smell awful! The alcohol is seeping out of your pores."


She drove him to the hospital and dropped him off. He scanned his card and placed his thumb on the reader. But nothing happened. He tried it again and nothing before heading over to the nurse's station. "My card isn't working," Brian told the woman who peered at up him.


The nurse looked behind her as Lana came out of the office.  "Mr. Kinney, Dr. Frost would like to see you before you go see Justin," she said.


Oh, great. That was just fucking great. So, he was in trouble with the principal now. He waited for about ten minutes before he was let into her office.

"Hi, Mr. Kinney; have a seat," she said with a wave of her hand.


Brian sat down on the couch.  "People who usually want to yell at me call me Brian," he told her.


She nodded her head.  "Justin hasn't been doing well this week. He's reverted back to just lying in bed and not speaking. He hasn't wanted anyone to visit him the past three days. Luckily, he's been eating and drinking, so we haven't put the feeding tube back in. But he's not allowed to shut the bathroom door when he uses the restroom again." She paused for a moment. "I'd like to discuss what you had to do with his setback."


He cringed. Did he really set him back?


"I'd like to know why you were so upset over your family giving Justin a baby shower."


He sat back and rubbed his face. "They're celebrating something that could kill Justin," Brian told her.


She nodded her head, one eyebrow raised as he continued.


"I'm not celebrating anything. I'm not planning anything until Justin's out of the woods."

"But you proposed to him," she pointed out.


Well, that's true.  He did. He scratched the back of his head.


"Why are you proposing to him if you're not planning your future?" she probed.


He huffed.  "I don't fucking know, okay?" Brian snapped at her.


She leaned forward.  "You're the person who is going to get Justin through this. You're the one person that he trusts more than anyone. If you can't commit to his recovery, and if you can't commit to supporting him through this, then I have to ask you to not come back."


He stared at her for a minute, speechless, as she leaned back in her chair.


"You card has been reactivated during our discussion. So, the choice is really up to you," she said.


He stormed out of her office and out of the hospital.  He took a cab back to his loft, and then sat in his Vette in the parking lot for over an hour before coming to a decision. He needed to speak with Justin. He needed to explain what had happened and why he had freaked out. He let out a deep breath and left the loft to pick something up for Justin before returning.

He walked down the hall and knocked on his door before slowly opening it. Justin was alone. Brian was surprised by that. He was lying in bed on his side. Brian went over and sat down in the chair as Justin opened his eyes. "Hey, Sunshine," he whispered.


Justin picked up his head.  "You're back?" Justin asked, surprised. He looked terrible. "I didn't think you were coming back," he whispered, his voice choking. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I'm sorry for getting pregnant. I'm sorry for making you take care of me," he cried softly.


God, this broke Brian's heart. He had to fix this. He needed to. He leaned forward and helped Justin sit up.

"You need to get out of this room, okay? You can't stay in here all day. Let's get up and into the shower, and then we'll go outside," Brian suggested.


Justin shook his head.  "You don't have to stay here. I'm sorry for making you feel obligated. I promise I won't bother you anymore. I promise I'll stay away from you and all your family. I'm giving you an out. Please...just take it. Just please leave."


Brian leaned forward and hugged him.  "Stop saying you're sorry. I'm the one who's sorry. I never should have left you with that mother fucker. I should have come and gotten you, and I should have told you that I love you," Brian said, kissing his head.  "Please stop saying you're to blame. I'm the one who was wrong. I never should have yelled at everyone and thrown your gifts out. And they're not just my family; they're yours, too. Please stop," Brian told him. Justin lifted his arms up and held onto Brian. "I love you. And I'm not saying that out of obligation. This is where I wanna be, Justin. With you," Brian told him.

Justin pulled back to loosen Brian's hold on him. "I keep just falling for this. I'm so stupid! I don't think you love me. I can't believe it," Justin insisted.


Brian shook his head.  "I'm gonna explain everything to you, Sunshine. I promise." After a few minutes he pulled away. "I'll help you in the shower," Brian said.


Justin put his head down.  "I don't want you to see me like this," he whispered.


Brian leaned down and kissed him softly.  "I wanna see you, though."


Justin bit his lip and then slowly nodded.


He helped Justin to the bathroom and turned the water on. Brian took off his own clothes. The last time they had tried to do this, Justin had freaked out having the water hit him. Justin had never gotten into the shower here before. He had tried at first. He had just basically given himself a sponge bath, and then a nurse would help him wash his hair. "You can do this, Justin," Brian said, nodding towards the shower. Justin slowly nodded his head.

Brian helped him undress, and Justin stood there, embarrassed. Brian rubbed his cheek. "I don't think I've ever seen you look more beautiful," Brian whispered.


Justin stared at him and gulped. "Really?" Justin whispered.


Brian nodded. He took Justin's hand and walked him slowly into the shower. Justin was tense. He hadn't been in the shower in over three months.

"It's okay. It's just water. You can get out at any time. And you can breathe," Brian said as he kissed his forehead and rubbed his arms up and down. Justin nodded his head. Brian kissed his cheek and leaned in. "Let me take care of you," he whispered. He felt Justin shiver as he nodded.

Brian had been bringing Justin toiletries that weren't generic hospital crap. He always brought Justin the good stuff. Brian gently washed his hair. He rubbed and scratched Justin's scalp. He even repeated the process, and then used some conditioner in his hair. Justin was melting into him, so he gladly took his time.

"Please let this be real," Justin whispered.


He wondered if Justin knew he had said that out loud. Brian pulled him closer and just ran his fingers through his hair. Then he got his body wash and slowly started washing Justin's body. When he got to his stomach, he paused. Brian stared at his stomach and swallowed hard.

That was his baby right there. His and Justin's baby. It was the most terrifying thing. But he had hope, or at least he wanted to hope, that he and Justin would take that baby home.


Justin watched as Brian bent down and got on his knees. He looked up at Justin as he started kissing his stomach, making Justin gasp. He used the body wash to wash Justin everywhere. Justin closed his eyes and sighed, especially when Brian trailed a finger down his crack. Justin grew a little hard as Brian was washing him.


Brian literally heard Justin gulp and looked up. "Are you okay?" Brian asked.


Justin tensed a little.  "I haven't gotten hard in a really long time." Justin admitted.


Brian nodded his head. Justin wasn't even half hard. But Brian knew Justin's body so well that he could tell he was getting aroused. He was sure some stranger wouldn't notice, but Brian knew. He also didn't want to take it any further than that. Justin was in the shower. That's all he wanted to concentrate on. He kissed Justin's hip and continued washing Justin's body.

He didn't know how long he and Justin were in the shower. But he got them out and dried them off. He put his clothes back on, and then brought Justin back out into his room and helped him slip into some clean clothes. "Come on; let's go take a walk around outside," he suggested, kissing him softly. Brian held his hand as they walked out. It was a nice cool day outside. Justin needed to breathe the fresh air. Feel some sunlight on his face. They sat down on the bench together. This is the conversation that he'd been dreading.

"I want to explain myself. And I want you to hear me and understand why I've been acting the way that I have," Brian told him.


Justin nodded his head.


"You have to get it out of your brain that I don't want to be here. Because that's just not true. I do want to be here. And I want you to come home," Brian said. He reached his hand out and placed in on Justin's stomach. "You and this baby...I'm so fucking scared that if I get attached to this baby, I'm going to jinx us, and it terrifies me to think that I might lose you." He choked on his words. God, he hated being this honest. Being this vocal about his feelings. But he promised himself that he would. For Justin.

"I'm scared about losing the baby, too...and I'm afraid of dying," Justin confessed.


Well, that was music to Brian's fucking ears. Justin had tried to kill himself, but now he's afraid of it. Thank God for this baby, because Brian knew he was the only thing keeping Justin alive.

"You think I regret proposing to you?" Brian asked.


Justin avoided his gaze.


"That's my fault that you feel that way. I haven't talked about since then. And then I threw all your gifts out..."  He shook his head in disgust.  "Well, let me prove to you that I'm fucking serious about marrying you," Brian said.

Justin watched as Brian moved in front of him and knelt down on one knee. This time, however, Brian did something differently. He held out a ring box and opened it. Inside were two rings. One for him, and one for Justin.  Justin's mouth just fell open.


"Maybe I should have thought about it more when I asked you to marry me. But I didn't think much about it. I sure as hell meant it when I asked you to marry me, though. Justin Taylor...will you marry me?" Brian asked.


Justin covered his face to stop from crying.  "You really mean it?" Justin asked behind his hands.


Brian pulled his hands away. "I've never meant anything more. I meant it the last time I asked, and I mean it now. I want you to know how serious I am, because I have our rings. Right here. We'll hold on to them until you give me the word, and then we'll get married...I want you out of this hospital, and I want to start my life with you. You and our son," Brian said.


Justin let out a sob.  "I just don't deserve this, Brian. I don't deserve you," Justin cried.


Brian placed his other knee down so he could lean in and grab Justin's face.  "Listen to me. This is our moment. This moment right here is ours. And don't let anyone take it away from us. That's not you talking with all this bullshit about what you deserve. That's that fucking asshole who's talking. This is OUR moment. Me and you. Don't let him have that power over you," Brian told him.


Justin let a few more tears fall.  "I love you." Justin whispered.


Brian leaned in and kissed him, and then leaned his forehead against his.  "I need you to get better, and I need you to get out of this hell hole, and I need you to come home to me. And I need you to bring that baby with you," Brian said.


Justin wrapped his arms around Brian's neck.  "I want this, Brian. I want this so bad. I've wanted this since the first night I met you," Justin told him. He pulled back and looked at Brian. "I won't ever leave you again, Brian. I was so screwed up and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you in front of everyone. I just hope you'll let me prove it to you this time," he cried.


Brian shook his head.  "I need you to understand this, Justin. You don't need to be sorry. You had every right to leave after the way I treated you. I don't fucking care who saw you leave. And you have nothing to prove to me. Ever. Please believe me," Brian said as he touched his forehead to Justin's.   "Will you marry me?" he whispered, asking again.


Justin nodded his head, with their foreheads still touching.  "Yes," he whispered back. They sat there for a moment before they felt some raindrops. They looked up and saw the dark clouds rolling in.


"Well, at least you got to breathe some fresh air for a while. Come on," Brian said as he stood up and pulled Justin up with him, walking back to Justin's room.

Justin lay down on his bed, facing the opposite side. "Will you lie down with me?" he asked.


Brian smiled. Justin had purposely lay on the edge of the bed, so Brian had room. He wasn't going to say no to that.

"Yeah," Brian said. He took his shoes off and curled up behind Justin, spooning him.


Justin moved around to get closer to him as Brian melted his body against Justin's. "I've missed being with you like this," Justin whispered.


Brian leaned up and kissed his cheek, holding Justin's arms.  "I've missed it, too," Brian told him. They lay in silence for a while, listening to the storm outside get louder and louder.


Justin would move around, trying to get comfortable. He would move his shoulders, and then a minute later he would start moving his back. Then he started moving his butt. Justin's moving butt was getting bolder, and eventually Brian couldn't ignore it and started getting hard. Justin had done it on purpose, because once he felt Brian get hard, he purposely wriggled his ass into Brian.

"What are you doing Sunshine?" Brian asked.


Justin turned his head to look at him.  "I need to feel you inside me, Brian. Please," Justin pleaded. He pulled Brian's hand down past his belly, and to his dick. Justin was painfully hard. "Please, Brian. I need you so bad," Justin panted.


Brian didn't think Justin would get this hard, seeing as how an hour ago he had experienced his first moments of being hard, and it was only slightly. He figured since Justin had opened that door, it was only a matter of a little time before he'd start relaxing with him and letting it happen naturally between them like it always had.

"I...I don't know if it's safe," Brian whispered. He had no idea if they should have sex if Justin was pregnant. And honestly, he was so fucking scared to be inside Justin after everything he had gone through.

"I've read all the research that Dr. Traber gave me. He said it's perfectly fine. Please, Brian. I need you so bad," Justin pleaded again. He started moving into Brian's crotch again. It felt so good.


Brian needed to cum so bad. The only release he had gotten was by his own hand. Brian looked at the door. He'd hate for one of the doctors or nurses to come in. Not that he ever minded an audience. But he had just been bitched at them this morning. Today was not the day to test the doctor's patience.

"Brian, I want to feel you inside me. I need you to fill me up," Justin said.


Oh, God. Justin knew exactly how to get to him. He leaned down and kissed Justin before slowly pulling Justin's shirt up and breaking away from the kiss just enough to pull his shirt over his head. He kissed his way down his swollen belly until he got to his sweatpants. He pulled them down his legs, and there was Justin, lying on his bed, naked. And so fucking hard.

They stared at each other intensely as Brian stood up to pull his own shirt over his head, and then tugged his belt off. Unbuttoning his jeans, he pulled the zipper down. Sliding his jeans down, he noticed Justin licking his lips as he watched him, his own cock painfully hard as he stood there in just his underwear. He pulled them off, and then grabbed a condom and lube out of his wallet.  Lying back down behind Justin, he kissed and sucked on his neck. "Are you sure?" Brian whispered. He knows that fucker had hurt him. It was the last thing Brian wanted to do.

"Please," Justin whispered. With a nod, Brian reached down and put the condom on, taking some lube and squirting it on his finger. He reached down between Justin's crack and instantly made him moan loudly. Thank God the storm was so loud and kept them out of deep shit trouble; it masked the vocal moans coming from Justin's throat simply in reaction to Brian touching his crack.

He gently applied pressure to Justin's hole, rubbing it, before slowly pushing his finger inside.

"Oooooohhh," Justin moaned.


Brian knew this was just what Justin needed. He was desperate to be filled. He spent a few minutes pumping a finger in and out of Justin, and then pushed a second finger inside him, receiving another loud, long, deep, belly moan. He spread his fingers apart. Oh, Justin was putty in his hands.

He removed his fingers, and slowly started pushing his cock inside of Justin. The guttural sound Justin let out as Brian slowly pushed himself inside was the hottest sound he had ever heard. It came from even deeper in his belly, and Brian could have cum just from that. But he squeezed his eyes tightly, so he didn't cum.


"Moooooore," Justin urged frantically.


Brian looked at the door. He prayed to God that no one could hear them. "You gotta try and be quieter. We can't let them hear us," Brian told him.

"I can't," Justin groaned.


Brian pulled out slowly and pushed in farther. Oh, fuck. He felt so good. He was home.

"OOOooohhh, Briiiiian," Justin called out in the throes of pleasure.


Fuck, his voice was hot. And fuck, did it feel like heaven being inside Justin again. He was as tight as he remembered when Justin was only 17. Justin hadn't cum in...probably six months. No wonder he was so horny. He spooned Justin again, holding Justin's body to him as he kissed his neck, pumping inside of him. God, he was with him again. Brian's whole body was tingling.

"Moooore. Pleeease, Brian," Justin moaned for him.


Brian pushed himself all the way in, bottoming out.


Justin grabbed Brian's arms tightly, enjoying the feelings. He laid his head back against Brian. "Oh, God. It feels so good. Right there," Justin groaned. He just wanted to feel Brian all the way inside of him. "God, I needed this so badly." Justin moaned.


Brian kissed his cheek. He actually thanked God that this was good for Justin. That he wasn't afraid to have sex with him, and that Justin wasn't afraid for him to be inside of him.

"All you needed was to feel full...hmmm," Brian whispered.


Justin nodded his head.


"I wanna make you feel full all the time. When you're out of here, I'm gonna make sure that I fill you up and make you feel good every day," he whispered, pumping inside of him again. "I wanna make love to you every day, and make sure you're full," Brian said, thrusting again and each time coaxing a loud moan out of him. Justin loved it when they used to talk like this in bed.

"And in a few months, Justin, I'm gonna be inside you and feel every inch of you," he whispered and thrust again. He thrust a few more times and reached down and squeezed Justin's cock. "I'm gonna feel every inch of you, because there won't be any barriers between us," he promised, thrusting some more and pulling on Justin's cock at the same tempo.  He squeezed Justin's heavy, cum-filled balls. He knew Justin hadn't cum in so long. He wanted this orgasm to be everything that Justin needed.

"Are your balls filled with cum just for me, Justin?  They feel so heavy," Brian whispered as he kept on squeezing them. God, Brian's whole fucking body was on fire. He was touching Justin. He was inside Justin. He was kissing him. His whole body burned from head to toe.

"Yes, they are," Justin moaned.

"I'm gonna be able to cum inside you. And you're gonna feel every drop of my cum. And you're really gonna feel full. And you'll be able to fall asleep with my cock buried deep inside of you. And I'll stay inside you all night," Brian told him, and the very last word is what did it. They both came.

"Come on, cum for me Justin. Cum just for me. Cum all over my hand, Justin," Brian whispered into his ear as he kept cumming into the condom. "I wanna feel your cum all over my fingers, Justin," he told him, his warm breath washing over Justin's ear. And, boy, did Justin cum buckets. He didn't think he had ever seen Justin cum this much. He had lost count after eight shots. He couldn't believe it.

"That's it. Let it all out. Cum hard for me, Justin," he kept whispering into his ear. God, the sound of Justin's deep moans had Brian so fucking hot. It was coming from somewhere deep inside of Justin. He knew that Brian had hit the right spot, and it was exactly what Justin needed.


He tried to get Justin to ride out his orgasm as long as he could, thrusting inside of him and milking his cock. "I love you, Justin," Brian panted in his ear after a few minutes.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Brian listening to the sounds of Justin's ragged breathing.  But then Brian knew that he had to pull out so the condom wouldn't get stuck. Justin moaned at the feeling of not having Brian inside of him. He threw the condom away and ran into the bathroom and grabbed a towel to wet it. He came back over and cleaned up where Justin had come. It was everywhere. God, Justin went close to seven whole months without cumming once. Brian knew he hadn't jerked off. He knew how pent up Justin was. He got back in bed and curled up behind him, holding him.

"How was that?" Brian whispered. It had been seven fucking whole months since they had been together. The first time in seven months that he was inside Justin. He felt like he was home again.

"God, Brian. I didn't realize how much I needed that."


Brian smiled at Justin's response and kissed his cheek.  "I want you to come home, Justin. I miss you," he told him.


Justin turned his head and smiled at him. It was a beautiful smile. A smile that he hadn't seen in a while.

"Take me home, Brian," Justin urged.

The next day, Brian made an appointment with Dr. Frost. She sat down in her chair, crossing her arms, as Brian sat opposite her.


"When can I take Justin home?" Brian asked.


From the expression on her face, it was clear she hadn't been expecting that question. She scratched her forehead.  "You want to take him home? Now?" Dr. Frost asked.


He nodded his head.


She crossed her arms again.  "Brian, my staff informed me that you were both in Justin's room, and there was obviously sexual activity going on behind the door. I don't even know where to begin on how the hospital has rules against this, and the fact that this is completely not the direction we want Justin to go with his recovery," she told him.


Brian rolled his eyes and leaned on his knees.  "You have no idea what sex is between Justin and me. Sex is huge in our relationship. It's how we talk. He needed it. And he wasn't afraid to have sex with me. That's fucking huge. And you have no idea what being together does for him. You wouldn't understand," he told her.


She tilted her head. "I can show you my S.A.T scores," she quipped.


Brian gave her a half smirk. Justin had made that exact comment to him a few times when Brian had told Justin he wouldn't understand.  "I need Justin to know that he has a future with me. I need him to start thinking ahead, so he has something to look forward to when he gets out. And I need him to trust me that I'm not gonna..."he trailed off.

"Break his heart again?" she asked.


He just stared at her.


"Okay. So, I hear what you're saying. But you can't have sex in the hospital again. The staff is under strict orders that if they hear you having sex again, they're to open the door," she told him.


He covered his mouth to hide his smile.  "Justin and I fuck in public...like a lot. So, an audience really won't damper the mood," he told her.


She closed her eyes in frustration.


Brian sighed, holding his hands up. "Alright," he relented.


She opened her eyes and nodded her head.


"So, what do I have to do to take him home?" Brian asked.

"I don't believe Justin's ready. When Justin gets to that low moment - whatever it is - he still thinks of committing suicide," she informed him.


Brian swallowed hard.  That was not what he had wanted to hear.


"He feels good right now, because you've given him a future with you. But what about when he leaves here? You go to the store, for example. He's going to be by himself. He's going to be scared. And in that moment, he's going to fear that Ethan will come for him and kill him. And his first instinct will be to kill himself before Ethan gets to him."

She let that sink in before she went on. "What I'm focusing on during his counseling sessions is precisely that: that when you leave the house to go to the store or some other errand - and he's scared - that his first instinct isn't to hurt himself. Or to prevent instances where he might be outside and start having a panic attack. Or he could go back to school and someone might just sneeze, but if it sounds like Ethan, it could trigger him. In all of these instances, I need for his first instinct to be to call for assistance; not an urge to harm himself. You, or his mom, or Daphne; it doesn't matter. I need his first instinct to be to save himself, not kill himself." They were silent for a few minutes. "That's when you should take him home," she finally added softly.

Brian realized reluctantly that she was right. Justin wasn't ready to come home. Besides that, he was pregnant. The best place to be was in the hospital. So, he would continue to help Justin in any way he could.

He could see his Sunshine smile coming back every day. And he was sketching more and more. Justin was so excited the day Brian came by with art supplies. Justin was the only person in V.I.P, so they let him spread out in the living room area and make a mess. Brian would bring him something to eat all the time, so he wasn't stuck eating hospital food every day. They would go outside for walks, and Justin would laugh. He was becoming more and more like himself.

One night around 2:30 am, Justin called Brian. "You okay, Sunshine?" Brian asked as he woke up and saw Justin's cell phone.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just..."Justin trailed off, his voice choking up.


Brian sat up straight, instantly alarmed.  "What is it?" he asked, worried.

"I haven't been able to sleep, because all I can think about is Taco Bell and a banana split from Dairy Queen," Justin whispered, getting emotional.


Brian put his hand over his face. Was Justin fucking serious?


"I'm sorry, but I've been trying to go to sleep since 9:00 because I'm so tired. But I'm starving, and the baby just won't let me sleep. And it's all I want," Justin cried into the phone.


Brian didn't even know how to react. After a moment he cleared his throat and stood up.   "I'll be there as soon as I can," he told him. If Justin was asking for food, then he'd fucking do anything he had to in order to get it. He walked into V.I.P with two bags. One of the night nurses at the nurse's station did a double take when she saw him.

"What are you doing here at 3:30 in the morning?" Suzie asked Brian.


He held up two bags, and she covered her mouth.


"Oh, my God! He called you?" Suzie asked and started laughing. "It's all he was talking about when I took some blood work tonight. You are just the sweetest guy," Suzie said.


Brian rolled his eyes and walked down the hall and into Justin's room, noticing there was no one sitting outside his room.

Brian was proud of the fact that no one sat in Justin's room anymore. No one sat outside his room, either. He had all the privacy he needed now. And it only made Justin stronger! These were all small victories, but he couldn't be prouder of Justin.

He thought Justin was sleeping at first, because he had his eyes closed. But once he heard Brian put the bags on the nightstand, he opened his eyes and smiled.


"Oh, thank God, Brian!" Justin said, relieved.


Brian helped him sit up in bed and moved the tray over to him.


"Thank you so much," Justin exclaimed as he started eating. The look of excitement on his face when he saw the food was all Brian needed. He didn't fucking care that Justin had woke him up, or that he was exhausted. Justin was excited about food!

Brian sat in the recliner and pulled the footrest out. God, it was so fucking fantastic to see Justin so happy. He closed his eyes and fell back to sleep.

========================================================================

"I have a surprise for you," Brian said one day.



Justin tilted his head.


"How would you like a jail break?" Brian asked.


Justin's eyes widened.


"I already spoke with your doctor. How would you like to go see Kinnetik before they start fixing it up? Dr. Frost said every few days we can go out, and you can watch all the transformations," Brian said.


Jennifer had found one of the former Baths for him to buy. While he was still working out of his loft, he had landed an account and he was able to buy the property. "And I already talked with Horvath. We're gonna have Security escort us in and out. So, you'll be safe. And we'll only be going out at night," Brian said, knowing that Justin's mind would go there.

Justin was so excited. "Really? Are you sure it's okay? Do you think it's okay to be away from the hospital?" Justin asked.


Brian leaned over and kissed him.  "Dr. Traber said it would be nice for you. So, come on and let's get you dressed," Brian urged.


Justin held his hand tightly as they arrived at the V.I.P. garage. They had a security team out there, and a truck escorted them to The Baths. There was more security waiting for them.

"How many guys work for this company? I never knew there was so many," Justin asked Brian as he helped him out of the car.

"A lot of them. They have some guys here around the clock watching this place now. You'll always be safe with these guys around," Brian assured him as they walked hand-in-hand into his newly-purchased building. Brian gave him the grand tour, telling him about all the plans for what he was going to do to transform the structure. Where his office would be. Where the conference room would be. He went over every detail with Justin. He was so excited to tell Justin everything that he missed the first few yawns. Brian smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Come on. We'll come back in a few days once they've started working. They're starting bright and early tomorrow." He wrapped his arm around Justin's shoulders. When they got back out to the parking lot, he was helping Justin get back into the car when the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He looked around. It was dark. There were people walking by on the sidewalk, but no one was paying attention to them. He figured he was just being paranoid, because this was the first time Justin had been out of the hospital. He shook his head and got back into the car.

As they were driving, Justin rolled the window down and leaned his face out, so the air was hitting him. "I never realized I enjoyed having the wind on my face so much," Justin said sadly.


Justin had been in the hospital for five months now. That suddenly just made Brian feel so depressed. He hated knowing every day that Justin was there. He intertwined his fingers with Justin's and brought his hand up to his lips and kissed it. Justin smiled at him.

"Just keep getting better, Sunshine, because when that baby's born...I wanna take you both home," Brian said. It was still hard for him. He still felt a disconnect to the baby. That's why he hadn't done any planning. Justin had looked at houses online. That's as far as it went. But they didn't have much longer until their baby was born.

Brian was relieved that Justin finally understood his hesitancy about the baby, because he had finally confided in him. He had finally been honest with Justin about something. And Justin had understood him. He had accepted it because he had been honest with him. He realized that Justin was being careful not to shove baby things down his throat. They always talked about it, but Justin knew how scared he was. Who knew just being fucking honest with Justin would make have made his life so much easier?

Brian loved the nights when he would bring Justin to Kinnetik. Justin loved watching the transformation take place. It did wonders to let Justin get out of the hospital and see places. Justin asked him their second night out to drive past the Diner. They didn't stop, but he just wanted to see it. One night they were stopped at the red light in front of the Diner, and Emmett was outside with Ted, bouncing up and down. Emmett saw them immediately and jumped for joy, waving like crazy at them. Brian had already told him that he had been taking Justin out, so it wasn't a shock that Justin was out, just a shock that he had seen him. Justin waved excitedly back to them until the light turned green.

"That was awesome," Justin declared with a delighted smile.

========================================================================

"Lindsay said you're postponing your kickoff party," Justin said one day to Brian.


Brian rolled his eyes as he closed his laptop. He was sitting in the recliner with the footrest up and his shoes off. "Lindsay should stop running her fucking mouth," he growled. Why the fuck did she tell him that?

"But you deserve to show Kinnetik off," Justin said.

"And I will. But you're not out of the hospital yet. So, when you get out, I'll throw the kickoff party. And I'll have Cynthia and Ted stand behind me, along with Lindsay with Gus, and I'll have you and the baby with me."   


Justin smiled.


"I want you there. So that kickoff party can fucking wait," Brian said, opening his laptop back up.


Justin smiled brightly at him before returning to the iPad Brian had just bought him. Brian could only imagine what he was looking at. Probably more houses.

"Do you think I'm better?" Justin asked, not looking up at Brian. He was startled by Justin's question. He hadn't expected it at all. He closed his laptop once more and pushed the recliner into a sitting position. He pulled the recliner closer to the bed.

"I think you're so much better than the day I brought you here," Brian answered honestly.


Justin gave him a soft smile.


"And I couldn't be fucking prouder of you, Sunshine," Brian said. That got him an even bigger smile. "And maybe if you weren't pregnant...maybe you would already be home. But since you're gonna be here till the baby's born, then you still have more time to get even better," Brian said as he reached over to clasp his hand. "I'm so fucking proud of you. I know you're going to be okay when we go home."

Brian reached into his briefcase and rolled the bed tray over to his lap. "I have some papers that I need you to sign."

"What for?" Justin asked him, confused.

"We've started the ball rolling at Kinnetik. Including health insurance. So...I want you on mine. My domestic partnership insurance," he explained.


Justin looked at him. "Really?" he asked quietly.


Brian nodded.  "You're my partner. And I want you taken care of."


Justin gave him a sunshine smile. "Say it again," he said.


Brian rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed facing him.  "I'll do you one better. I'm your boyfriend," Brian told him.


Justin leaned forward to hug him, the joy written all over his face.

Brian had spoken with Justin's doctors. They tried to give him insight into what Justin was thinking. He sought approval from Brian. He sought his love and affection. Honesty. All from Brian. So, Brian vowed to get better about these things. Justin completely relied on Brian for his recovery, and Brian would never let Justin down again. He was in this for the long haul.

"I told myself I'm gonna be stronger. Like I used to be...I don't like feeling like someone has control over me. That I can allow someone to hurt me...I want to be strong like I used to be, and I'm never going back," Justin said.


Brian smiled at him. He probably had a Sunshine type of smile on his own face now.

"I never had a doubt that you wouldn't be able to be strong again. You're determined," Brian told him.

"Wanna try having sex again?" Justin asked, making Brian laugh.

"Yeah, right. You can barely move with this big ass thing," Brian joked, touching Justin's stomach.


Justin slapped Brian's hand away.  "Jerk," Justin joked. He sat back against the bed. "Melanie's baby is really cute," he commented.

Brian was trying to ignore all the drama with that situation. It wasn't his battle. Melanie wanted Michael nowhere near Jenny Rebecca. No one could blame her. Michael wanted to take Melanie to court. I mean, really, why would you want to go up against Melanie? Her partners were all over it, and not even worried. But Brian was pissed that he would have to be involved.

Oh, and did he also mention that Craig said he would sue him? Yeah, Horvath let him know that they couldn't find any evidence that Craig had anything to do with Ethan. They couldn't press charges. So, now Craig said he was suing Brian. Okay, like that would hold up.

"Yeah, I didn't think she could make a cute baby," Brian said to him.

"Do you think our baby will be cute?" Justin asked suddenly.


Brian tilted his head. He hadn't ever thought about it.  "I'm sure he will. I mean, look how hot I am," Brian said.


Justin laughed.


"And you look pretty hot yourself. We're bound to have the best-looking kid," Brian said.


Justin just smiled.  "If everything goes okay...if the baby and I are okay...can we start buying baby stuff?" Justin asked.


Brian leaned forward. "Of course, we can. You don't need to ask. If everything goes okay...we're gonna have everything that baby needs."  Brian thought back to one of the more awful moments between him and Lindsay.

"If something happens to Justin...I want you to take the baby," Brian said.


Lindsay dropped her bowl of cereal. "What?" Lindsay asked, not even bothering to clean it up.

"I can't raise this baby by myself. There's no fucking way. So, I need you to raise him. You and Melanie," Brian said.

"Brian, I couldn't do that. He's your son."

"But he's Gus's brother, and I want them to stay together. And I can't be a full-time parent by myself. Fuck, I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to be a full-time parent with Justin around. And I trust you and Melanie."

After Brian kept badgering her, she finally relented and said yes. He made her promise. "Everything's going to be okay, though, so I'm not planning on raising your son. I told you, I have hope for the both of us," Lindsay said, kissing his forehead.

The past week, Justin's psychiatrist and therapist had been talking a lot with Brian and Justin. "If he wasn't pregnant, we would be preparing him to go home right now. We think he's ready. But because he's pregnant, and staying for at least another month, then we have this extra time to really prepare him. And with the baby coming any time now, we need to come up with a plan for him when that happens. So, I'd like for you to get together with your family and plan a time that we can all meet," Dr. Frost said.

So, three days later, Brian and Justin sat in an empty room with chairs all around, and a small couch just for two people. Brian knew it was because of the chairs. Justin's back hurt terribly when he sat in them. Dr. Frost and Dr. Martin were there. Jennifer, Daphne, Lindsay, Melanie, Debbie, Vic, Emmett, and Ted all joined them. Brian and Justin sat on the couch.

"So, let's get started. This is Justin's core group of family. You're the ones who have been visiting nonstop and have taken an active role in helping him to recover," Dr Frost said.

"Justin's been in our care for six months now. And I think we can all agree that he's worked hard to be the strong man that's sitting in front of us right now," Dr. Martin said.


Justin blushed and Brian squeezed his hand.

"What we've been talking with Justin about lately is a plan. Whether he's at school, out in the grocery store, or just at home. He still has these moments when he's scared. His first reaction before was to take his own life. But we need to form a plan, so going forward he knows what to do to combat those feelings," Dr. Frost said.

"We also want to go over with you all that you need to look out for when Justin is having one of these moments. What you need to do for him. And sometimes he might have a panic attack, but that doesn't mean that he wants to hurt himself. The first step for you all, then, is not to overreact," Dr. Martin instructed. Everyone looked between Debbie and Emmett. Emmett's mouth dropped.

"You fucking assholes," Debbie told them. "I want to help him, too," she insisted.


So, everyone sat there for over an hour, reviewing the signs to look for when Justin was having a panic attack, and when it was more than a panic attack. They all needed to know what to do in these situations; even what Justin would do if he was by himself.

Brian held his hand the whole time. Justin didn't look up once. He was humiliated. He didn't say goodbye to any of them. He just left the room, with Brian behind him. When he got into his room, he sat on the small couch. Brian sat on the bed, which was odd because Justin and he were trading places. "I'm such a baby. Everyone has to babysit me," Justin said.


Brian bent down in front of him.  "You're not a baby. For three months you were tortured. It's left a long-lasting impression. They all care about you, and just want to be there for you if you need help. When you get out, things are going to happen. The hospital is always here to help, and we all can guard you from having any triggers. But it's a whole different world out there, and we can't put a wall up guarding you from reality, and you won't have the security of being in the hospital anymore," Brian said.

"I feel like a fucking invalid," Justin said miserably.


Brian leaned up and kissed him.  "You're gonna be out of here soon, Justin. And you're gonna realize how much of an invalid you aren't. This is all just to protect you. We just made a plan in case we need it. And I have enough confidence in you that we probably won't need a plan," Brian assured him. He didn't believe that actually. He knew they needed it. But he wanted Justin to know that he believed in him. Justin eventually fell into a restless sleep, a sad expression on his face.

Justin was surprised when Brian came in the next morning, rolling in his suitcase and holding his laptop bag.


"What the hell are you doing?" Justin asked as he put his laptop bag down.

"Well, Sunshine, you could have the baby any time now. Maybe today, or maybe three weeks from now. So, I'm sleeping over until then," Brian said, smiling brightly.

"How are you sleeping over? That little couch isn't big enough," Justin asked.


Brian smiled and then moved aside. Two maintenance guys came in and removed it. A minute later, they came back in with an even bigger couch and left.

"Silly wabbit," Brian said as he pulled the three cushions off and then pulled up the bed, showing Justin that it was a roll-out couch. "And you doubted me," Brian said as he put it all back together.

"You're really gonna stay here with me? I thought they said that you weren't allowed. It's not good for Justin's mental health," he mocked the doctors.

"Well, that was when you were solely here for your mental health. You could have already gone home if you weren't with child," Brian said.


Justin rolled his eyes and smiled.


"So now that you're here mainly on account of the baby, we get to have a slumber party," Brian joked as he sat on the bed.

"Are you really okay staying here? It's no fun," Justin said.

"No shit, it isn't. But you've hung out here for six months straight. I figure your last weeks or month here will be better spent with me," Brian said, curling his lips under.


Justin chuckled. "Why are you in such a good mood?"  he asked. He lay back on his elbows.

"Because we're in the home stretch. You've gotten so much better. You would have been at home, but you're pregnant. You're not being held here due to your mental health. That's something to fucking celebrate," Brian said.


Justin smiled.


"And tomorrow, you are officially going to be released from mental health services," Brian told him.


Justin's eyes widened.  "Are you serious?" he asked.


Brian smiled.  "The good ole doctors say that they're still gonna come in and check up on you. They've invested the last six months in you, so they're not just gonna ignore the fact that you're here. But you are officially here in VIP only due to the baby as of tomorrow," Brian said. Justin smiled. It was a Sunshiney smile. Brian couldn't be happier to see it.

Justin loved that Brian was there all the time. He had someone to always talk to. He and Brian would lie on his bed, shoulder-to-shoulder, even though half of Brian's body was hanging off the bed, and they'd watch T.V. or just talk. Look at different things on the computer. Justin helped Brian with a couple of ads. He would remote into Kinnetik and work. But Justin just loved having him there.

Justin had even started sketching Brian. He was sitting on the couch and had a little desk that had been brought in that had wheels on it to allow Brian to meet with a client through video chat. Justin hadn't sketched Brian in so long. It was good. It was normal. Brian was so lost in his work that he never noticed. But once he saw it, the only things Brian needed to see was Justin's smile.

And being close to Brian again was heaven. Justin got to take showers with him and get dressed together and perform their grooming side-by-side, getting ready for the day. It was their closeness that Justin loved. He had no idea how much he had missed this between him and Brian. It was like falling back into happiness. Like they had never been apart. And the kissing made it better.

One afternoon, Brian told Ted he was done for the week and taking Friday and the weekend off. "So, you and I tonight are going to check out Kinnetik. It's officially done, and I want you to be the first one to see it." Brian told his friend.

Later that night Justin and Brian took a shower, and then went outside to VIP parking. "Where's the 'Vette?" Justin asked.

"At the loft," Brian said.


Justin furrowed his eyebrows. "Then how are we getting there?" he asked.


Brian walked him over to an SUV.


"Where'd this come from?"

"I bought it,"

"Why?"

"Your birthday's next month," Brian replied.


Justin's eyes widened.


"It's an early birthday present," Brian said.


Justin covered his mouth.  "Are you serious?" Justin asked.


Brian nodded his head.


Justin covered his face with his hands.

"I should have gotten you this last year. I know you really wanted one. I figure you might need a car for when the baby's here. And I really wanted to make up for your birthday last year." Brian told him. He went over and hugged him. "Come on, don't cry," Brian said, rubbing his back.

"Thank you," Justin whispered. He kissed his cheek.

"I would have surprised you when we were leaving the hospital, but I thought I should do it now, because I didn't think you could get your fat ass into the 'Vette," Brian teased.


Justin pulled back and smacked him.


"Come on, let's go," Brian said.


Justin stood there in awe of his SUV.

"Is this what you wanted? If not, I can take it back. You can go online and pick something else. I know you said you wanted a black interior."

Justin's smile was dazzling as he quickly told him, "Don't take it back. I love it! I've never had my own car before. I just can't believe you did this." He looked all around the vehicle, taking it all in. "Thank you so much. This is perfect," he said.


Brian picked his hand up and kissed it, smiling.

Justin was amazed again when he saw Kinnetik. Brian pointed out different things that had been Justin's idea. Justin hadn't seen the company logo yet. It was one of Justin's sketches, and when he saw it, he was speechless. "I can't believe you used my logo. Everyone can see it."

"You're fucking amazing. Why wouldn't I?" Brian asked.


Justin smiled at him sadly. "You've gotten a shit ton better since your hand has improved. Don't let anyone ever take away your talent. You're brilliant. And you know I never would fucking tell you if you weren't. I wouldn't spare your feelings. And I sure as hell wouldn't use it as my logo for everyone to see as the face of Kinnetik if it wasn't hot. Wasn't perfect. And if it didn't scream 'Brian Kinney'." Justin gave him a real smile then.

"It's so beautiful in here," Justin said. Brian walked him into the Art Department, and he could swear Justin had an orgasm in there. "God, this is my dream to work in a place like this," Justin commented softly.

"Well, when you go back to school and you need those practical credits or whatever, you can work here and get them," Brian said.


Justin stared at him.


"After the baby's born, we'll figure out how you can get back into school," Brian said.


Justin had that look on his face; Brian could tell. He doubted himself. "Don't listen to that fucking voice in your head. Don't ever let someone take away your talent. No one has that right. And I know you wanna finish school."   


Justin nodded wistfully.  "I really do," he whispered.


Brian went over and hugged him from behind and kissed his cheek.  "Then we'll get you back into school. Maybe not taking a full class load like you did before. Maybe just taking a couple classes at a time. However the hell you wanna do it. We'll make it happen," Brian promised, kissing him again. "Now, come on. I still have my office to show you," Brian said, taking his hand.

He led him down to his office. The lights were turned down low. Brian moved aside so Justin could see. There were candles and dinner waiting for them on Brian's conference room table. And there were roses. A beautiful dinner was waiting for them. Brian walked over and pulled out a chair for Justin. "You gonna stand there all night?" Brian asked.


Justin smiled and walked over and let Brian help him sit and scoot his chair in. Justin was at the head of the table, and Brian sat next to him on the other side.


"I know it's not a picnic on the floor..."

"No!" Justin immediately spoke up.


Brian stopped to frown at him.


"I don't want picnics on the floor," Justin explained.


Brian hoped he hadn't fucked up.


"I want candlelight dinners in your office," Justin whispered.


Brian was so fucking proud of him. He was not letting that fucker take this moment away from him. Justin did that all on his own. Justin owned this moment.


Brian smiled brightly and kissed him.  "You keep amazing me. I'm so fucking proud of you," Brian whispered to him.


Justin smiled at him. "Really?" he whispered.


Brian nodded his head. He kept repeating himself, because he knew Justin needed to hear it. If it helped him get better, he'd say it a million times.  "You're gonna be okay, Sunshine," Brian said. He heard Justin's stomach growl and laughed. "God, eat something, Sunshine! Your stomach is so fucking loud," Brian joked.


He had arranged for a beautiful steak dinner. It was wonderful to watch Justin eat. It was like nothing bad had ever happened. And Brian ate more than he had in a really long time. Justin wasn't letting that bastard take this moment away from him.

He and Justin were making small talk, laughing.


Justin looked up in front of him at the wall finally and furrowed his eyebrows. "Brian, that's the ugliest thing on the wall I've ever seen," Justin said.


Brian looked over at the wall.  "What, you don't like the frame?" he asked innocently.

"The frame is beautiful. But there's nothing in it. It doesn't look right up there. It doesn't match anything in here," Justin said, looking around.

"Well, I guess when you come home, you're just gonna have to paint something and hang it up there," Brian said.


Justin looked at him.


"That frame is just waiting for you to paint a masterpiece," Brian told him. Brian knew that if he was ever going to help Justin get better, he needed him to be honest. He needed to show Justin that he loved him, and that he cared deeply for him. Brian loved his talent. So, he'd get his whole office plastered with Justin's art pieces. Just to show him how much he loved him, and his talent.

"You're just...blowing me away tonight," Justin said, looking around.

"I haven't blown you in a while. I figure once the baby's born, I can again, though," Brian joked.


Justin just laughed.  "I...I really..." Justin trailed off.


Brian knew what he was trying to say. Justin wanted to say he loved him. But old habits are hard to break. Justin would never say it, because he was afraid of Brian getting angry with him. He never wanted Justin to feel like he couldn't talk to him. That he'd be afraid that Brian would be angry.

Everything the fliddle player did to him...Brian wasn't. But even saying something like 'I love you' made Justin nervous, because Brian had never accepted that. Justin was a human being, for God's sake!  And an amazing human being. Justin deserved to be happy, and to be loved.


Brian didn't think he was the best person for Justin. He was sure Justin could find someone better than he. But Brian loved Justin more than anything in this world. And he wanted to take care of him. He wanted to be there that day when he was finally healed from his three months in hell. So, Brian said it first.

"I love you," Brian said.


Justin smiled, teary-eyed.


"I really do love you, Sunshine," Brian said.

"I really love you, too."  


Brian leaned over and kissed him. After they ate and walked around some more, Justin started yawning. "Come on, Miss. Daisy, I'll drive you back to the hospital." Brian said, wrapping his arm around Justin's shoulder.

"Will you drive around a little bit? I figure this is the last night I'll be able to do this. And I wanna spend as much time in here as I can. This SUV is beautiful," Justin said.


Brian leaned over and kissed him.  "Anything you want," Brian said.


They drove past all the usual places he liked to see. The loft, the Diner, Lindsay and Melanie's house, Debbie's house. Brian figured he was reminding himself that these places were still there. That the world was still there. Justin loved rolling down the windows as soon as they were at a red light. It was too cold outside to have them down while they were driving. But Justin loved to smell the fresh air.

They were at a red light in front of Babylon. The traffic was crazy, because, well, it was Babylon and the height of activity. Brian already knew from past experience that they'd have to sit through at least three rounds of red lights before they made it past the intersection.


"Have you spent much time there?" Justin asked.


Brian snorted.  "Not in almost six months."

"Do you miss it?" Justin asked curiously.


Brian looked over at him, but Justin was looking out the window.  "I thought I would...I even went in there one night. I was in the backroom, I had a condom on my dick...and I couldn't shove it up the guy's ass," Brian said.


Justin just stared at him.  "Why didn't you fuck him?" he asked softly.


Brian looked over and smiled softly at him.

"I just didn't see the point of it anymore," Brian said. They just stared at each other. "I wasn't going to find any enjoyment out of it. It wasn't going to satisfy me. I wanted something more...satisfying. More meaningful " Brian said simply. God, that was so fucking hard for him to say. But he had promised himself. Get your fucking pride out of the way. Your fucking pride is what got Justin to live in hell for three months. No more pride.

"You don't have to do that for me, Brian. I love everything about you. And even that part that likes fucking hot guys. I don't want you to change because of me. I want you to do what makes you happy," Justin said. The light turned green and they were able to move up some.

"I AM doing it for you...But I'm also doing it for me...I don't find any more enjoyment out of it anymore. It won't make me happy," Brian said, brushing some hair away from Justin's face. "And when you get home...we won't have to use condoms anymore," Brian said softly.


Justin's eyes widened as he gasped.  "Are you serious?" he asked.


Brian nodded his head.


"I've wanted you to do that for so long. I've always wanted to feel you. Like really feel you," Justin said, getting excited.


It made Brian chuckle.  "I know...me, too," he told him honestly.

"BRIAN!" he heard someone shout. It came from outside Justin's open, passenger-side window. He looked over and saw Michael. He had his hands on the window before Brian could stop him. "Brian you're here. What are you doing in this car? Where have you been?" Michael asked, not even noticing Justin. Justin was tense and sitting straight back, willing Michael not to notice his stomach.

"Get the fuck out of here, Michael," Brian seethed.


Michael acknowledged Justin finally as realization and anger filled his face.  "You're out. You should have fucking died," Michael ground out. Before Brian could stop him, Michael ripped the door open and grabbed at Justin's throat.


Brian reached across Justin to punch Michael in the face, trying to force him to let Justin go, but Michael was determined not to. "You piece of shit!  You should have died. Ethan should have killed you, you stupid piece of shit! You and that fucking monster!" Michael screamed, trying to punch Justin.


Brian wasn't sure if Michael was succeeding, but Brian's punches were connecting with Michael.

Their security team came running up and pulled Michael away. Brian was practically on top of Justin and fought to push himself up and backwards. He looked at Justin and saw blood on his face. "Oh, my God, are you okay?" Brian asked as he took his jacket and applied pressure to his head.

"It's not my blood," Justin panted as he gently pushed Brian's hand away. Justin rested his head back. "I punched him in the nose when he grabbed me. He went to punch my stomach and I punched his face. It's his blood."  


Brian's eyes widened.


"I bit the shit out of his hand, too. And I tried to kick him, but I would only have kicked you. He went after the baby," Justin explained, his breathing ragged.

"You fucking fought back," Brian said, amazed.


Justin opened his eyes and nodded his head. "I'm done letting people hurt me," he said.


Brian smiled so brightly.


"I would have gotten out of the car and really beat his ass. But I couldn't move because of my stomach. And then you were on top of me," Justin continued, his breathing slowly returning to normal.


Brian wiped at his face, shaking his head in amazement.  "I'm so fucking proud of you. Why are you breathing so hard? Try to calm down," Brian urged. He had a passing thought about how Michael...How the fuck did Michael know he was pregnant?


Justin looked at him, an odd look on his face.  "Brian, I think you'd better get me back to the hospital, because something's happening," he said.


Brian looked down at him. His heart just stopped. Brian yelled at one of the security team members to rush over.  "We need to get out of here! He needs to get back to the hospital!" Brian told him, urgency in his voice. He shut Justin's door, and two security guys started yelling and making cars move, so Brian could get out. Soon two police cars showed up. Brian watched as the security team spoke with the officers. They instantly helped with moving other cars, getting them to move much faster.

"Follow the cop car. They'll get you to the hospital. One of them is on the case with Horvath, so they know all about Justin," the guy said.


Brian nodded and followed the cop car.


Justin had his head back and hissed.

"Are you okay?" Brian asked as he tried to pay attention to the road. His heart was pounding with fear.

"I don't know if this is normal or if something's wrong. But it hurts like fucking hell." Justin groaned in pain.

"It's okay, Justin. Just breathe. We'll make it." Brian said, trying to assure him. He called Lindsay. "Get everyone down to the hospital," he told her tersely. "And let Debbie know that her precious baby boy is going to jail for the night," Brian said through gritted teeth, his blood boiling.