"I'll be there as soon as I can," Dr. Latery said before Brian hung up. He rose quickly and unlocked the door before managing to help Justin to his feet and guide him back to bed. He wouldn't leave him; he was afraid what might happen if he left Justin alone, even for a second. He hadn't been standing close enough to him before, providing Justin with enough time to grab a knife and press it into his wrist. He had started bleeding some, but it was a minor wound. He had cleaned up his wrist and bandaged it while Justin slept. He couldn't believe how quickly things had transpired and how easily it had happened with him right in front of Justin. There was absolutely no way he could watch him 24 hours a day. And who knew how long he would need observation and close scrutiny? Grabbing his cell phone, he texted Dr. Latery and told him that whenever he arrived, he would be able to walk right in.

Approximately an hour later, Dr. Latery showed up while Justin was still asleep. Brian rose to stand on the steps heading into his bedroom, facing Justin and vowing to not let him out of his sight. He walked over to shut the bathroom door so as not to wake Justin up; not that it would prevent him from trying to enter the bathroom, but it would at least slow him down enough to allow Brian to reach him before he tried to further harm himself.

"So, how are we going to handle this?" Brian asked the doctor as Latery walked over to stand beside him, both men peering down at the small bundle lying there.

"I've worked it out that he will stay in the VIP unit. But the staff that will be helping Justin are from the Mental Health Ward. They will be coming into the VIP wing to treat him. Logistically, it's difficult with staff traveling back and forth, so the VIP staff will be aware of the situation and will take different protocols and procedures than normal. Some of the Mental Health staff will stay with him as much as possible. Every staff member involved is aware of the rules and regulations when dealing with a VIP," Dr. Latery assured him. Brian fleetingly thought of the term 'VIP' making it sound so glamorous, but Justin was only classified as a VIP because he was...God, he kept forgetting. Justin was pregnant. He hadn't even had time to process that at all.

"He tried to kill himself...right in front of me." Brian whispered to Dr. Latery. He let out a deep breath as he reached out and patted Brian's shoulder. Brian still hadn't even looked over at Dr. Latery; he was too busy watching Justin the entire time.

"His mind still thinks he's in that abusive relationship. And with what just happened to him, that isn't a surprise. Once he gets plenty of sleep, we can start giving him healthy food and the brain fogginess will start to dissipate. He'll be able to start reasoning on a more normal level. We can get him into intensive therapy. I've already spoken to a physical therapist about his hand; it's curled up too tight."  Brian nodded his head. "We can start giving him some meds to help him. His fear will be the biggest issue he will need to overcome. And if the police don't find..."

"Don't say his fucking name." Brian hissed.

Dr. Latery nodded in understanding. "If the police don't find him, I can almost guarantee that Justin's fear and anxiety won't go away. I think the only way that he'll be able to start healing is when his abuser is behind bars...attempted murder can keep someone locked up for the rest of their lives."

Brian's jaw clenched. They had to find that fucker. He sighed, his anxiety at a high level. "This is going to kill him if he can't be with me, Daphne, or his mom." he stated.

"This isn't the kind of place where you can't visit him. It's a case-by-case situation, and I've already discussed giving you clearance to see him based upon my authority. You are all crucial to Justin's recovery. He's not getting a 72-hour hold placed on him."

That was a huge relief to Brian. If he discovered that he couldn't see Justin, or that Justin couldn't see him, his mom, or Daphne, he knew Justin would crack; he was close to that already.  

God, 48 hours ago. Was it only 48 hours ago that he had yelled at Justin about getting back into school? How his life had completely changed in that short amount of time! Brian had never expected to be this deep inside Justin's world again like this. Thrown in, really. He had just intended to tell him to go back to school. That's all. And then he had decided to go get him...but he didn't think it would be like this. And now Justin was sleeping in his bed...and now he was about to admit him into a mental ward.

"I don't understand why he didn't start freaking out until he got here. He was fine last night and this morning."

"His anxiety medication was wearing off. He was traumatized not even 24 hours ago. And he's been suicidal for who knows how long?  He can be fine one second, and then in the next moment just a thought of what his abuser did to him could trigger the suicidal thoughts. Hearing the sound of someone breathing can trigger it. It was going to happen, no matter what happened. It was just a matter of when." Latery told him.

Brian swallowed hard at what they were about to do. "How do we do this?"  

"You should wake him up. Try and make this as simple as possible. We may be able to reason with him and facilitate this to go smoothly. But I have a couple of orderlies that are right outside your door that are ready to help if necessary." he added.

Brian shook his head in horror at the thought.  "After what he's been through?  No way. No, I can't let that happen. I can't do that to him."

Dr. Latery nodded. "I'll take a seat out here while you talk with him. Take your time. They're fine out there. They've waited for hours before." he explained. 

Brian nodded as he watched the doctor turn and walk over to sit quietly on the couch, out of eyesight. Taking a deep breath to steel himself, Brian walked over and sat down slowly on the edge of the bed. He gently placed his hand on Justin's shoulder. 

"Hey, Sunshine." he called out softly.

Justin's eyes whipped open as he shot up in bed and looked frantically around in a panic. "Where is he?"  

"Hey, hey, hey. It's just me. I'm the one who woke you up. Look at me." Brian urged him.

Justin's eyes continued to dart around the room, his breathing heavy.

"I'm right here, Justin. I got you. You're safe." Brian assured him, his heart breaking at the look of terror on the younger man's face.

Justin studied him closely and slowly started to calm down.

Brian grabbed his curled-up hand that wasn't sprained and held it. "Do you still believe what I tell you? That I don't say anything that I don't mean? And that when I make a promise, I keep it. Do you still believe that, Justin?" Brian asked.

Justin slowly nodded his head. He gave Brian a half-smile.

He wasn't sure that Justin really meant it, though. "Good...listen, this isn't something I wanted to do, and it's something that's killing me on the inside...but I love you. And I need you to be okay. I need you to feel better...When you came to live with me last time...I was able to help you. I did everything in my power to do that and you got better. Do you remember that?" Brian asked.

Justin nodded.

He let out a deep breath.  "I normally feel like I can fix any problem. Anything that happens, I can fix it...but for once in my life, I have to come to the conclusion that some things I just can't do on my own. I've realized that sometimes someone else has to help - someone who is more of an expert than me - and I have to let them run with it, and I have to stand at the sidelines." Brian bit his lip as Justin silently stared at him. "You're...you're suicidal, Justin. You've told me that you want to die. Do you know how I would feel, if I let that happen?  I would die, too.  At least inside. So, this is where I have to ask for help. Because what happened today...I don't know if I could save you the next time it happens." he admitted softly, tears prickling his eyes. God, this was the hardest conversation that he had ever had. He took a deep breath and let it out before confessing, "I think you need professional help; help that I am not capable of giving you."

"What are you saying?" Justin cried out in dismay. "Everything that you said to me. That you loved me. That you wanted me to move back in. But now you don't want me! I knew it! Why did I do this? Why did I even come here? I knew it!" Justin's voice began to increase in volume and anxiety as he thrashed around.

"Stop it." Brian demanded, grabbing his shoulders. "Listen to me, Justin. Are you listening?" Brian asked.

Justin sighed heavily, but he nodded his head.

"Remember you said that you believed me. You believed that I was telling the truth. And you know that I won't ever say anything that I don't mean...I do love you, and I want you to get well, so you can be here with me. And if that means that I have to let them help you, that I have to leave your care in the doctors' hands, then I'll do that for you."

Justin shook his head.

Brian knew instinctively then that even if Justin had said he believed him...in actuality, Justin hadn't believed a word he was saying.

"What are you going to do with me?" 

Brian did something he didn't do with Justin often. He picked up his hand and kissed it before grasping it tightly.

"I'm gonna take you back to the hospital. And you're gonna stay there for a while," Brian said. Justin quickly began to get agitated over those words, but Brian spoke up before he could protest. "I'm gonna visit you every day. Multiple times a day. So much every day that you're gonna get sick of me. I promise. And I haven't ever broken a promise to you, have I?" Brian asked.

Justin started crying but shook his head.

"You're gonna go back to the VIP Unit, and all these doctors are gonna help you get better. And they're gonna keep an eye on you...and on the baby." He gulped. The baby. Seriously...a baby?

"I don't wanna go!" Justin cried. Brian leaned forward and hugged him, cradled his head as he continued to sob. Right now, Justin was like a child; he was just shell of the determined, resilient young man that he had met and come to know. This wasn't the man that had stood up to him and had left him. This was more like a traumatized child. He kissed the side of his head.

"I know, Justin. But you have to. You have to get better...and you'll be safe there." Brian murmured, making Justin instantly thinking about his safety away from the mother-fucking, flute-playing bastard.

"Please don't send me away! I promise I'll get better." Justin lied.

Brian let out a deep breath. He pulled Justin back to make him look at him. "I'm gonna hold you to that promise, Sunshine. But the only way you can get better is if you let the professionals help you...they're gonna take care of you. I'm gonna see you all the time. And you can see your mom and Daphne whenever you want. And when you're feeling up to it, you can see everyone else...and you can call me anytime. You won't be kept away from us, I promise."  Brian could see the anguish in Justin's face as he cried even harder. "You're gonna be okay. But this is the best way to make that happen." he told him.

Justin's tears fell freely now as he pleaded, "Just let me walk out of here. I'll take care of myself. You don't have to lock me up to get rid of me, I promise. I won't bother you anymore. I swear."   

Brian held Justin's face in his hands, his thumbs caressing the pale, wet cheeks. "Please stop saying that and listen to me! Believe me! Why do you keep thinking that I don't want you? You lived with me because I wanted you to. I came home every night to you because I wanted to. You're here right now because I want you here...and you're going to get help, because I want you to come back home to me."   

"No, no, please don't do this to me! I won't come back. I'll leave you alone; I promise. I promise. Please, don't lock me away." Justin cried. This was breaking Brian's heart. Who was this Justin? Where was the persistent, strong kid that he had fallen in love with?

"You have to believe me, Justin. I love you. And I'm not locking you away. They're gonna help you. And I'll see you every day." he repeated firmly, unable to keep the sadness out of his voice.  He had no idea if he was finally getting through to him or not.

He helped turn Justin sideways and started putting some socks and shoes on him. It was like dressing a doll. No life in him. "Dr. Latery's here. And two nurses are waiting outside. They're gonna walk with us." Brian told him, not wanting Justin to be scared when he saw them.

"And there are cops downstairs, remember? Two are at the front door, and then two are in the parking garage guarding that door. So, you're safe. And you're gonna be safe at the hospital. They're gonna be cops all over the place. And that VIP section has like bulletproof doors at the two entrances. There's no way anyone can get to you." Brian assured him.

"Please, don't do this. I'm sorry. I'll do better; I swear." Justin implored. He held Justin's face in his hands. God, he hated hearing Justin beg.

"I swear, this is the best thing for you." Brian told him. He helped him stand up and walked him slowly down the steps. He dragged his feet, but Brian kept his arm tightly around him. Dr. Latery stood up and silently nodded at him. He walked over and opened the door as Justin saw the male orderlies waiting just outside.

"I don't want to go with them. I wanna go with you." Justin said, embarrassed that they were all staring at him.

"I'll drive you, Justin. They're just here in case we need them." Brian told him. It was like talking to a child. They walked out the door and Brian locked it behind them, Justin clinging to him.

"We'll take the stairs." Dr. Latery decided as he and other two men headed toward the steps. Brian nodded and escorted Justin into the elevator.

"Please, Brian, I'm sorry. I'll be good and listen to whatever you tell me; I promise."   

Brian was at a loss for words as he hugged him tightly against his chest. Justin's brain was so fucked up.  "You ARE good, Justin." he whispered, trying to reassure him.

The others were waiting downstairs and guided them into the parking garage. Brian helped Justin get into his car and then put the seat belt on him. He held Justin's hand as they drove. The closer they got to the hospital however, the more tense Justin became.

"You're gonna be okay, Sunshine. You're going to start feeling better." Brian assured him.

"What do you want me to do? I'll do anything." Justin slid his hand up Brian's thigh. Brian took his hand and pulled it to his chest.

"Justin, you don't have to do that. I don't want you to. Just calm down." Brian pleaded with him. God, he was getting worse. How did this happen? He wasn't this bad 48 hours ago. He wasn't even this bad this morning.

They parked in the VIP underground parking lot, and Dr. Latery and the orderlies led them inside.

"We're here with Justin Taylor." Dr. Latery told the receptionist.  A female nurse was waiting for them.

"You can come with me." she said softly. She scanned her card to open the door, and they followed her down a hall. She led them into a nearby room, with Dr. Latery and the two orderlies following along behind just in case Justin freaked out again. Brian helped Justin sit on the bed.

"Alright, sweetie. I have something here that's gonna bring your anxiety down and help you sleep. And it's totally safe for the baby." she told him.

Justin started breathing heavily as he dug his nails into Brian's wrist. Brian bent down in front of him.

"Hey, you're okay. This is just going to take the edge off. Like smoking some weed." he tried to tease him. "It's okay." But he noticed with sadness that Justin let another tear escape; he looked totally defeated.

"Just bear with me a little longer, honey. It'll be over in a second." she said as Brian helped him out of his zip-up hoodie and then pulled up his sleeve so the nurse could rub alcohol on his arm to deftly administer the shot. "Alright Justin. You're gonna start to feel so much better in a few minutes." she told him, giving his shoulder a brief squeeze.

"Is it gonna make me fall asleep?" Justin asked frantically.

"It probably will." she told him with a nod.

Instead of making Justin feel relieved that he could get some much-needed rest, however, it only served to begin his panic anew.

"He's gonna hurt me if I'm asleep!" He wailed.

"Justin, hey, I'm going to be right here until you fall asleep. I won't leave you." Brian promised. Nodding at him, Dr. Latery and the nurse quietly left the room and shut the door behind them. "Come on; just lie down and I'll stay with you." He helped Justin take his shoes off and slid his other arm out of the hoodie. He maneuvered him under the covers and helped him get comfortable.

Justin grabbed onto his arm in a death grip. "Please, don't leave me here! I'm sorry. I know I deserve it. But, please, don't leave me here. I'll do anything, I swear! I'll do everything you say. I'll be good and I won't make you punish me. Please; just don't hate me." Justin cried.

God, what did that masochistic bastard do to him? It made Brian sick. He let out a tense breath, and then bent down so his face was right next to Justin's.

"I'll come by in the morning. I'll try and be here when you wake up, but I'm not sure when that will be. But I promise I'll be here every day. And if I can't, I'll let you know. And you can call me anytime you want." He brushed Justin's hair away from his face. He could feel the tension quickly leaving his body as his eyelids began to feel heavy. He kissed his cheek. "I really do love you, Justin." he whispered to him. It was the last thing Justin heard as the drug took effect and he finally fell asleep.

Brian stared at the slim body that was so familiar to him.  It was so surreal. Fuck. Did he really just have Justin committed? How could he do this to him? He sat back in a hospital chair next to the bed and covered his face with his hands. Justin wasn't acting rational or normal. Begging Brian like he had. Hearing the anguish and fear in his voice had nearly killed him. Brian wondered if he'd ever be the same after hearing Justin say all those things to him and seeing him this way. This was his fault. This was his entire fucking fault. He leaned his elbows onto his knees, his hands still covering his face, and softly wept.

The nurse knocked on the door a few minutes later and walked in. Brian quickly brushed the wetness from his face. She had something in her hands. "Because he's a high-risk patient, we have to secure his hands." she explained regretfully.

Brian's eyes bulged out. "You can't do that to him. I didn't warn him. He's gonna freak out when he wakes up and discovers you've done that." he scolded her.

"We're gonna hook him up to an I.V. When he wakes up, he'll be calm, and someone will always be with him."

He was stunned. He hadn't signed up for that. She adjusted Justin's position in the bed, so he wasn't lying on his side facing Brian anymore. He was now on his back. She attached the soft cuff to his good hand. They didn't attach the other one, because for the time being it was useless. She attached a larger one to his shoulder. He glared at the nurse, who didn't seem to notice, as she walked out. She was probably used to that. He sat there with him for a while before he got up and left the room to talk with Dr. Latery.

"I know how hard that was for you. But this is the best thing you could have done for him." he stated.

"Mr. Kinney, we'll need for you to head up to the Nurse's Station and start filling out all the paperwork. I'll stay with Justin." the nurse requested as she walked up to them.

He glared at her again, and it infuriated him that she didn't respond to his glare.

"Come on," Dr. Latery said as he escorted him to the Nurse's Station. "Will you page Dr. Frost please?" he asked the receptionist. She nodded and he grabbed the clipboards. "Let's sit down in here." He motioned Brian toward a patient consultation room nearby.  They sat down and he handed Brian the clipboards and a pen. Without a word, Brian started filling everything out. He had just helped commit Justin. He didn't legally do it. He didn't have to legally do it. Justin went willingly. But a family member - or whoever was his appointed guardian for medical matters - could do it without getting the courts involved. God, he just fucking committed Justin. A moment later a woman knocked on the door and came in.

"You must be Brian. I'm Dr. Frost, but you can call me Wendy." she introduced herself as she held out her hand and shook Brian's. She sat down in the chair adjacent to his as she added, "I'm sorry to meet under these circumstances."

Brian nodded. Wendy.  Of all the names for this doctor to have, it would be the nickname he had always bestowed upon Lindsay.  Well, he definitely was in Never Never Land now; a place he never thought he would be, especially with Justin.  

"I've spoken with Dr. Latery, and I've also spoken with a detective. First of all, I want you to know that Justin is safe here. Even without the police at every entrance in this entire hospital, there's no way that someone could get into VIP," she informed him. He guessed that assurance was supposed to make him feel better. He knew logically Justin that was safe there. But it didn't make him feel any better.

"I'm going to be Justin's psychologist. I'll meet with him almost every day. In addition, he will be working with a psychotherapist, and together we'll figure out a game plan for his recovery.  He'll also be undergoing physical therapy with a staff member for his hand. And we're having a doctor from Boston fly in to consult with us about his pregnancy."  Brian had to admit; this woman's tone of voice and confidence made for an amazing and calming bedside manner, mainly because she said ‘his pregnancy' like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Usually we like to have the patient be held for 72 hours before seeing anyone. But we will make an exception when the patient is being referred by an outside doctor, and they can make the decision for the patient to forgo the 72 hours."   

Brian let out a deep breath that he had been holding. "Is there anyone else besides you and his mother that would be beneficial for Justin to be with?" Wendy asked.

Brian nodded. "His best friend, Daphne Chanders."

She grabbed her iPad and typed away. "Anyone else?"

"Not during the first few days. He may need to clear out his head before he wants our any other friends to see him." Brian said. "He's not thinking clearly right now."  Boy, that was an understatement, he thought, swallowing hard as he relived in his mind the past few hours.

"What are their names?" Wendy asked as she handed him the iPad. He typed in Debbie, Vic, Lindsay, Melanie, Emmett and Ted's names. He didn't bother with Michael. Michael has made it perfectly clear how he feels about Justin. He handed the iPad back to her. But then he thought of something.

"No one can know about the pregnancy. Not until he's ready to tell them." Brian instructed. Both doctors nodded their heads.

"We can make that notation in his chart; it will be his call, then." she assured him. "Alright. I know that this is going to be hard, but I would strongly recommend that you don't sleep here. Justin needs to be able to get used to that," Wendy told him.

He gulped. He had told Justin that he would see him sometime tomorrow, but he had changed his mind after he heard himself say it. He had planned on sleeping here.

"I want you to take my number." she said, handing him her card. "You can call me anytime if you need anything. And I would like to extend the offer of speaking with Justin's psychotherapist as well. We can get obtain more information about Justin, and it will help us determine how best to treat him," she said kindly. Brian nodded his head. "We'll speak tomorrow, then," she advised; patting hand gently, she rose and left the room.

Brian sat there finishing up all the fucking paperwork.

"You should probably go and speak with his mother. I wouldn't recommend you telling her this over the phone," Dr. Latery quietly said.

Brian nodded as he handed the paperwork to the doctor before returning to Justin's room, observing the nurse from before sitting close to Justin in the chair he had previously vacated. She stood up and gave him her seat.

"I know this is hard seeing him like this, especially with that on his wrist. But it's there for his own protection. And this is the best place for Justin right now." she said kindly, offering a sad smile.

Great. How was he supposed to be fucking angry with her now? He nodded his head. "I have the first shift with Justin. So, I'll be right outside the door until you wanna take off. So, please, stay as long as you like. There's no rush. My only job is to sit with him until my shift is over at midnight." she told him.

He looked at her name badge. Kara was her name. He cleared his throat. "Thanks," Brian said as she left the room. He sat back down. Justin was probably going to sleep for the rest of the evening. He sighed. What was the point of just sitting here? He knew he needed to head over to Jennifer's house. He kissed Justin's forehead. "I'll be back tomorrow," he whispered to him, briefly caressing his left check with the back of his hand. Not that Justin could hear him. He shook his head as he rose to stand next to Justin's bed, still feeling like this was a horrible nightmare that both would awaken from. But he knew better.  Sighing, he turned to leave the room; a few minutes later, he texted Daphne to meet him at Jennifer's house. He got there right when Daphne did.

"Where's Justin?" she asked, looking into his car.

"I'll tell you inside." Brian said tiredly. Jennifer was surprised to see them as she opened the door in response to Brian's knocking and let them in. They all sat down in the living room. He roughly scrubbed his face and dug his fingers into his eyeballs. He had the worst headache; he suspected it wouldn't be long before it transformed into a full-blown migraine.

"Where's Justin?" Jennifer asked, confused.

He took a deep breath. "I had to take him back to the hospital...to the mental health ward," Brian revealed.

Silence prevailed for a few moments until Daphne spoke up. "Because he...?" Her voice trailed off.

Jennifer looked at her and then directly at him. "Why did you take him?" she asked.

Brian took another deep breath.  "Because Justin tried to take his own life... for the fourth time."  

Jennifer gasped and started crying. Daphne scooted closer to her and wrapped her good arm around Jennifer. Her other wrist was wrapped in a cast, thanks to that fucking bastard.

"What do you mean 'fourth time?' Is he okay?" Daphne asked as she started to cry.

"He tried earlier today, but I stopped him...but now he's too far gone for me to help him." Brian admitted discouragingly.

"When were the other three?" Jennifer asked, her voice cracking.

"I'm not sure." He shook his head, still unable to believe it himself. "But he admitted it to me...He told me that something went wrong each time to prevent him from succeeding."

Jennifer wiped her eyes as the shock of what Brian had just revealed registered. "Oh, Sweetheart," she murmured.  How could this have happened to her son?  Hadn't he been through enough?

"He's in the VIP Unit; they'll treat him there," Brian told them.

"Can we see him?" Daphne asked.

Brian nodded. "Yeah, but only the three of us for now. They gave him something to help him sleep, and they think he might stay asleep for a few days. But all three of us can visit him."  

"Did he tell you that...that he beat him?" Daphne whispered.  

"What?" Jennifer responded.  Ethan had seemed like such a decent young man. How could she have been so wrong about him?  "No..."  The tears flowed freely down her cheeks now as she thought of her only son being in so much pain, physically AND mentally.  "Brian...if you hadn't..." She couldn't finish the sentence.  "Oh, my God..."

"I know, Jennifer.  I'm having a hard time believing this isn't some fucking nightmare.  No," he immediately responded.  "It IS a nightmare.  Just one that's all too real."  He sighed heavily as he told them, "It's the best place for him right now; he needs far more help than I can give him." Brian's face was devoid of emotion, but his voice as shaky.  Who was he trying to convince? Them? Or himself?  He was itching to get away from them.  Both Daphne and Jennifer were crying. He couldn't deal with any more crying. He stood up. "I need to go," Brian said. "It's been a hell of a long day.  Call me if you need anything.  But I just have to get out of here for now." 

He wasn't sure if both women would understand, but after a few moments they both sadly nodded their heads in understanding, as he turned and headed toward the door, wanting no more than to go home. But after a few minutes of driving, he turned toward Lindsay's house, suddenly feeling the need to hold his son.

When he arrived, Melanie answered the door.  "Hey. How's Justin?" She asked as she opened the door for him. He walked in as Lindsay put Gus down.

"Yeah, you were with him. Did you take him back with you?" Lindsay asked.

"You could say that." Brian replied wearily as he sat down next to Gus. "Hey, there, Sonny Boy. Why don't you give me a hug?" Brian said. Gus jumped into his arms. He embraced his young boy tightly, closing his eyes as a sense of peace washed over him. He knew it was only temporary, but right then it was desperately needed.  He inhaled Gus's baby scent and tried to focus on only him at that moment.

Lindsay and Melanie eyed each other as Melanie stood behind Brian in the doorway. Lindsay turned the chair around toward the dining room table, giving Brian some space as he continued to hold Gus.

"Jennifer said he could go home today," she prompted him, but Brian didn't say a word. "Did he go home with Jennifer or Daphne?" she asked.

Brian started playing trains with Gus as he sat cross-legged on the floor, his little boy perched in his lap. "No."

"Where did he go?" Lindsay pressed softly.  

"With me. Look at this train, Gus!" Brian said.

Lindsay and Mel frowned as they peered over at each other. Brian was acting very oddly.

"You just left him at the loft?" Lindsay asked cautiously.

"Of course not! I'm not stupid." Brian said. He pretended his train could fly as Gus giggled with delight and clapped his hands.

"Then who's with him?" Lindsay asked.

"Some nurse is sitting by his bed until midnight. Then another nurse will take over," Brian told them, avoiding their gaze.

"They make house calls?" Lindsay asked confused, looking over at Mel.

"Nope."

Lindsay leaned towards her knees, closing the gap between her and her long-time friend.  "Bri," she said gently.

It took a minute before Brian finally turned his head slightly to look at her; she immediately noticed the sad, almost vacant look on his face.

"What's going on?" she asked softly.

"I got to be the one to commit Sunshine to the loony bin," Brian said sarcastically.

Lindsay gasped, and Melanie came in and sat down near him as Lindsay started crying.

Melanie stayed calm.  "Did he go on his own?" She asked. She was a lawyer. She knew exactly why Justin was there. She knew how this worked.

"He let me drive him," was the ambiguous answer.

"What happened?" Lindsay asked, sniffling.

"He's tried to off himself four fucking times. What do you think happened?" Brian retorted harshly.

For once, Lindsay didn't take offense at his attitude, and Melanie didn't get upset.

She looked sadly at Lindsay. "How close did he get?" Melanie asked.

Brian huffed. "Does it fucking matter?" he asked. He wrapped his arm around Gus's waist as the little boy leaned over to snag one of the trains from the floor and sighed.  "Not far," he revealed ironically. He barked out a bitter laugh. "He ruined it somehow each time."  He kissed his son on the cheek before telling the boy, "You know what we need, Gus? We need a big train track that goes through the entire house."  Gus giggled even harder as Brian tickled him briefly on his belly.

"I can't believe this has happened! What caused it?" Lindsay asked out loud.

Gus ran away with the train, waving it around as he pretended it could fly. Brian stood up and held his arms out, letting them bounce against his sides.

"Well, you were right, Linds. It was all my fault. I tried to save him from himself...but it was too fucking late. Are you happy to be right?" Brian demanded.

Lindsay's eyes widened. "Brian, I..."

"I should have gone and gotten him earlier, so he wouldn't been beaten by the bastard. So he wouldn't have been on the fucking verge of starvation! So, he wouldn't have been ra..."  he sputtered on the word; he couldn't say it; even now, he had a hard time imagining it. He didn't want to imagine it.  "...so he wouldn't have been fucked against his will and left in a bathtub to die! Fuck, I should have never let him leave. I should have said Happy Birthday like you told me to. Gotten him flowers like Melanie said. I should have fucking told him that I loved him! So, you can go ahead and say 'I told you so.' Go right ahead," Brian bitched at her.

He was angry. Of course, he wasn't angry at Lindsay, but he needed to lash out at someone. Lindsay opened her mouth to reply, but Gus ran back in with the train, still flying it in a circular pattern. Brian bent down, hugged and kissed his son, told him a curt 'see you later,' and then stormed out before any could really answer.

"You don't think he really thought I would say that to him, do you? I never even thought it," Lindsay maintained.

Melanie shook her head. "All three of us know that was bullshit coming out of his mouth. He just needs someone to be angry with. I wouldn't worry about what he said. He didn't mean it," she assured her softly, surprised that she was actually defending Brian Kinney. 

Brian knew this unfortunate development would spread like a brush fire. He wouldn't have to tell anyone else. All he needed to do was tell one of them, and they would quickly inform everyone else in the group. Besides, he didn't want to deal with Debbie. She would scream and yell and cry and shriek and ask a million questions. He drove home and parked his jeep, nodding at the cop outside the door, and trudged up the stairs. Carl had everyone looking for the murderous fuck face. He had everyone covered, too, in case he decided Justin wasn't the only one he wanted to target.

He laid down and started smoking a joint. He took his time. Fucking rose petals on the bed. He rolled his eyes. Who was he kidding with this? He was so fucking stupid. Three joints in and he heard a knock at the door. He ignored it. They kept on knocking, and then he heard the door slide open. Great. Just fucking great.

"Brian, didn't you hear me? I've been knocking and knocking," Michael said as he walked over to him. Thank God Justin isn't here was the thought that went through his mind as he tried studiously to ignore his intruder. But he knew it would be impossible.

"You didn't catch the hint to go away?" Brian scoffed, taking a hit.

"What do you mean? I've been worried about you! Where have you been? I came here last night, and you weren't here."

Brian rolled his eyes. Could things get any worse?  Yeah...definitely a migraine emerging.

"Where do you THINK I was, Mikey?  Ibiza?  South Beach? I stayed at the fucking hospital all night!  Where else would I have been?"  

Michael groaned as he towered over him. "God, Brian! Why are you doing this? Can't you just leave him to his mother? He LEFT you and humiliated you in the process! You don't owe him anything. This is between him and Ethan," he argued.

He sat up and glowered at him. "I don't want to hear that abusive, fucking murderer's name," he growled.

Michael harrumphed. "He's not a murderer."   

Brian laughed bitterly. "Pardon me; attempted abusive murderer, then. Get the fuck out, Michael," he demanded, rubbing his temples to try and quell the pain. With his headache, Michael's voice was like nails screeching on a blackboard.

"Brian, this has nothing to do with you! Just like the fight between him and Chris Hobbs. He instigated it by antagonizing him!  You don't owe him any..." Michael trailed off as he registered what Brian was lying in. "What the fuck are rose petals doing on the bed? Were you trying to fuck with a trick's head today?" he asked.

Brian scrubbed his face as Michael looked around to survey the rest of the room. "And what's with the balloons? Whose birthday is it?"  

Brian figured Michael had decided he had lost his mind. Perhaps he had. But that didn't mean he had to put up with Michael's ranting and the constant questions.  "It's none of your fucking business. Get the fuck out of here," Brian told him sternly. But it was like Michael was deaf.

"No, I'm not leaving you like this. Get dressed. I'll drive us to Babylon and you can get drunk and high, go get your dick sucked, and then pick out a trick before I drive you back here, so you can fuck him. I'll even pay for your drinks and drugs," Michael told him as he beamed.

Brian was starting to reach his limit. "You know what?  I don't feel like going anywhere." He unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock. "So, why don't you just suck it for me after the shitty couple of days I've had? That way, I can cum and feel so much better," Brian said.

Michael's eyes widened as he stared at his cock.

"Well, go to it. Suck it. I need some release, Michael. You know you want it," Brian purred, his voice husky. 

Michael's mouth practically watered as he asked, "Are you serious?" He couldn't take his eyes off his friend's impressive cock. "I...I..."

Brian rolled his eyes and shoved it back in his pants without buttoning or zipping himself back up. "Yeah, that's exactly what I want," he grumbled. He didn't miss the look of disappointment that flitted across the other man's face.

"Well, you don't have to be an ass about it. I came here to check on you and make sure that you're okay."

"I'm just peachy, Mikey. Now you can get the fuck out."

"No, I won't...I'm glad you left him at the hospital, so his family can take care of him. You shouldn't have to worry about him. He's an ungrateful little shit! He doesn't deserve you. He made his bed with Ethan. Now, he needs to lie there and deal with the consequences. It's not your fault that he got depressed and let shit go down fast. That's what he gets for being with a hood rat like Ethan."

That was it. The last straw. He stood up and grabbed Michael by the collar. "I told you not to say his fucking name," Brian said through gritted teeth as he dragged Michael toward the door.

"Brian, stop it! I'm here to take care of you!" Michael whined in protest.

Brian opened the door and unceremoniously shoved him out, yanking the loft key out of Michael's hand.

"Don't fucking come back! I don't need you to take care of me!" Brian yelled, slamming the door in his face. He locked the door and then turned the alarm on as Michael pounded on the door.

"BRIAN! LET ME BACK IN! GIVE ME MY KEY BACK. BRIAN!" He kept yelling.

He grabbed some headphones and blared the music and lay back down. He grabbed a fourth joint. If he couldn't do anything else today, he would smoke his brains out.

The next morning, he got up earlier than usual, so he could drive to the hospital. He was immediately buzzed in. He walked down the hall and quietly entered Justin's room. There was a different nurse sitting by him this time. She looked up and smiled. Suzie was her name according to her official staff card hanging around her neck. What a childish name, he couldn't help thinking.

"Hi. You must be Brian Kinney," she surmised as she stood up. "He woke up a couple of times," she informed him. "He just looked around and groaned a little before falling back asleep. I'll wait outside for you," she stated, leaving the room and softly shutting the door behind her.  Brian sat down and brushed some hair out of Justin's face. He kept on sleeping. There was literally nothing for Brian to do. He sat with him for an hour before he finally stood up and - with one soft kiss on Justin's lips - he left the room.

"Mr. Kinney?" The receptionist called out to him as he passed her. He walked over to her. "We need to make you an ID badge, so you have clearance to go back there unrestricted. It'll be easier then stopping out here and going through the screening process before you can be admitted to the VIP Unit. I just need to take your picture in front of that wall." She indicated the wall opposite her desk as she grabbed a camera. He sighed and stood in front of the wall, letting her take a picture.

"Thank you. And if you just want to put your thumb print on here," she asked, producing some type of machine that blinked green when it was all done. "Perfect. This has your picture, thumb print and a special chip so everyone will recognize who you are. So, next time you come, just stop here at the desk, scan your card, and place your thumb on the scanner and the doors will open automatically for you. I'll have this ready for you by the time you get back," she told him with a smile. He nodded his head before heading into work.

An hour later, he sat there staring at his computer screen. He heard a knock on the door before Cynthia poked her head in. He frowned; she never knocked.

"Hey, can I come in?" she asked.

Brian held his hand out for her in invitation.

She walked in and shut the door behind her and taking a seat opposite her boss. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Just dandy." he told her monotonously.

"Daphne called me yesterday." Cynthia informed him. Well, good. He didn't have to explain to her where Justin was.

"I'm so sorry, Brian," She told him.

He let out a sign. "Sorry's bullshit. So, what do you want?" Brian asked. He hated people feeling sympathetic toward him.

"Vance said he wanted to talk to you."

He tilted his head.  "Are you fucking serious?" he asked her.

"What?"

"You fucking told him?" Brian asked her incredulously. But one look at Cynthia's face and he already knew the answer to that.

She shrugged helplessly.  "What did you want me to do? He's my boss, too. He wanted to know why we just suddenly left the other day. And there're police officers guarding the front and back doors. The police could only tell him so much," she explained.

He growled and stormed out, ignoring Cynthia calling out his name. He didn't want people knowing his fucking business.

Vance was sitting at his desk as Brian walked in, unannounced, and sat down. "You wanted to see me?" he asked.

Vance nodded his head.

"I already know Cynthia told you what happened. So, let's just cut to the chase. You wanna yell at me for leaving early and fucking it up with the client? You wanna fire me for it? Go right ahead," Brian bitched at him.

Vance looked at him questioningly. "Who do you think I am? Do you honestly think I'd do that?" Vance asked him.

He supposed not.

"We got the deal anyway," Vance told him to his surprise. "Once they found out that you were gone - and I apologized profusely about it - they honestly didn't care that you had left. They were more concerned about the reason why both you and Cynthia stormed out of here so urgently. So, if you're worried about me berating you or firing you, that couldn't be further from the truth," Vance said.

Brian huffed, silently relieved. "Then why the fuck am I here?" he demanded.

Vance took a deep breath. "I think you need to take some time off," he said.

Brian blinked. "What?"

"I think you need to take some time off. Fully paid, not dipping into your PTO or sick time. You should really concentrate right now on...the situation."   

Brian snorted. "Situation. Is that what you're calling it? You worried about what to call Justin?"

Vance shrugged. "I've never met him. I'm not sure what he is to you. And as you say, if I'm not sucking your dick, then it's none of my fucking business what he means to you anyway," Vance replied.

Brian had to give a half-smile in response to Vance's statement, impressed that his boss had remembered their previous conversation.

"But it doesn't dilute the fact that he obviously means something special to you. Enough to get up in the middle of a very important client meeting and leave the room - something you would never ordinarily do. Enough to not even bother to call. Frankly, it doesn't matter what he is to you. All I know is that he is someone that you care a great deal about. So, I think you should take some time off to help take care of him," Vance said. "Your mind is obviously not on your job right now, anyway, so this needs to take priority first, so I can have my best advertising man back here, focusing on his job."

Brian snorted again. He rubbed his face and laughed into his hands over the irony. He pulled them down and looked over at Vance.

"I can't take care of him. He's in the fucking hospital," Brian said sarcastically.

Vance nodded. "I know. But I think that you'll be too distracted to..."

"I'm fucking fine! I can do my job."

"No. I don't think you can. Imagine that; the great Brian Kinney is, after all, human. And I'm afraid that if you continue to work here at the moment, you are gonna self-destruct." Vance declare.

Brian was seething. "I can do my fucking job," Brian repeated through gritted teeth.

Vance didn't say reply.

He sat back and dug his fingers into his eyes. Was this really fucking happening right now? "I can't fucking sit around all day like a nervous mother. I need something to distract me," he admitted. He needed to be honest.

Vance let out a deep breath. "Alright. What if we compromise?" he suggested.

Brian looked at him as he held his breath, wondering what his boss had decided. "What sort of compromise?"  He winced at the word; he never did anything half-assed.

"I want to lower your case load. I want you to work remotely from home. And if you're willing, I'll pitch the ads, so you don't have to. You won't be reduced in pay," Vance assured him.

Brian sat there staring at him, not sure what to say.

"That's the best that I can do. I think you don't want to admit that you need the time, but I've never seen you look this awful before or so exhausted, Brian. Whether you want to admit it or not, you need this break. And if you won't fully take the time off, then we'll limit what you can do. Take it or leave it," Vance said flatly.

Brian laughed sarcastically. "So basically, you're benching me, huh?" he said.

"No. Benched means you suck, or that you're in trouble. You're neither. I'm giving you this time off, so you'll remain my best player," Vance said.

He shook his head.  "This is really unbelievable."

"Brian, I don't think you understand. You NEED this time away. What happened is one of the worst things I've ever heard. We have police officers standing outside our doors! You need this time away to not worry about work and concentrate on this young man, whatever he means to you."  He paused.  "You'll thank me for this one day."

Brian stood up. "I doubt it." Rising to his feet, he stomped over to the door and opened it, closing it roughly behind him. He walked back to his office and slammed that door as well. He sat back down and continued to stare at his computer screen. He sat there for almost two hours, doing nothing. Just staring. This was fucking nuts. Fine, if Vance wanted him gone, and wanted to pay him, then he'd leave. He stormed out of Vance's office as everyone stared at him. He slammed his hands down on Cynthia's desk, making her jump. "So how many fucking people did you open your big fucking mouth to?" Brian demanded. Everyone was staring at them. She gained her composure and then crossed her arms.

"Come on, Brian! You know me better than that!" she hissed, keeping her voice as low as possible, so the other employees couldn't hear. "He's our boss. And there are police officers blocking both doors. He has a right to know what is going on. I only told him what he needed to know; not all the details. And I also didn't tell anyone else, because it wasn't their fucking business. But, yeah, someone needed to tell the owner why we are locked up like Fort Knox! Would you rather he find out some other way and fire your ass instead...and mine along with it?"   

Brian stared down at her for a few seconds before he stormed out of there. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

He couldn't work. He couldn't go to Lindsay's. He couldn't go to the Diner. He didn't want to go to Babylon or Woody's. He didn't want to go to the Baths or the gym. He didn't want to see anyone. He didn't want to go to the hospital just to watch Justin sleep; he knew there was nothing he could do until he woke up. There was absolutely nowhere for him to go but home. So, he returned to the loft, rolled another joint, and opened some Jim Beam. Before he could take a sip, however, his phone rang.

"WHAT?" he yelled.

"Uh...Brian Kinney? This is Dr. Traber. Dr. Latery wanted me to give you a call," the man on the other line said.

"What? Are you the therapist?" Brian demanded, unable to hide his irritation. He just wanted to forget for the rest of the day.

"No. I specialize in male pregnancies."   

Brian gulped. He kept forgetting. Or trying to forget; he wasn't sure which one. But this was honestly the last thing he wanted to deal with. Wasn't it bad enough that he had Justin committed?

"Dr. Latery filled me in on what is going on. We both thought that right now wasn't the best time for me to fly down. We'd like to see how Justin is feeling first before I do," the doctor informed him. He didn't say he was sorry for what had happened; Dr. Latery must have told him not to.

Brian threaded his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."  

"Well, I'd like to have some tests run on you. I'd like to have as much lab results on both of you before I get there, so I can start doing some research as to why this has happened to you both."

"When do you want it by?"

"Well, as soon as you can arrange it with Dr. Latery. Today, even, if you could. If you aren't too busy. I'm sure you must be, but the sooner you can get it done and we get the results back, the better."

"Well, you're in luck. I just got sent home from work and I have paid time off. So, I'm totally free for the unforeseeable future," Brian said bitterly.

Dr. Traber cleared his throat uncomfortably.  "That's unfortunate to hear. Anyway, Dr. Latery said you could come by anytime; you didn't need an appointment. And I've sent him some literature for you to read."  

"Sure thing, Doc. I got nothing better to do today," Brian said before he abruptly hung up. Male fucking pregnancies. Perfect. He shook his head.  It was all so new to him; so foreign to think of Justin being pregnant.  He felt both irritated, but also a bit guilty that he felt that way.

Deciding he had best get it over with, he headed back out to his car, which was parked out front. He unlocked his car, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He looked all around, but nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.

"You alright, Mr. Kinney?" one of the officers asked. He was startled and looked over at the man standing by the door.

"Yeah, I'm fucking perfect," he retorted as he slid into the driver's seat., "Jesus Christ, I'm losing my fucking mind," he muttered.  Since when was he so paranoid? He just had to oddest feeling that he was being watched, but he didn't see anyone looking at him. Everyone around him seemed to be going about their own business. One thing was certain: the fucker wasn't around; someone would have seen him. He shook his head and drove off.

The next couple of days went by much the same. He visited Justin every day. He'd wake up briefly sometimes, but then he'd quickly go back to sleep. Brian asked if whatever was in his I.V. was keeping him asleep, but they assured him that it wasn't. He hadn't slept in weeks. And with the trauma of almost being killed, and the trauma of being abused, it was no surprise that he was still sleeping for four days straight. He was told it was normal, even. On the fifth day, though, Brian was sitting next to Justin's bed, reading the newspaper. He heard Justin stirring; lowering the paper, he noticed that Justin was starting to wake up. He put his newspaper down and leaned forward, grasping the young man's good hand; the one that unfortunately was still cuffed.

"Hey there, Sunshine. Good to see you awake," Brian murmured with a small smile.

Justin followed the sound of his voice and looked at him, confused. "What's going on?" he asked. He was calm. It was the calmest he'd seen Justin in the past week.

Brian reached over to the other side of the bed and hit the 'call' button.

"Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital," Brian told him in a quiet voice. The doctor said he would be disoriented when he awakened; perhaps even suffer some short-term memory loss. He didn't know if he wanted Justin to forget everything or remember it. The nurse came in a moment later.

"Well, welcome back, Mr. Taylor. How are you feeling?" Suzie asked.

"What am I doing here?" Justin asked with a frown.

She came over and sat down on the opposite side of where Brian was sitting. "You just got some much-needed rest. You've been sleeping for four days now. Can you follow this light?" she asked, holding up a small flashlight and watching as he followed the beam's movement. "How are you feeling? Any nausea or headaches? Any dizziness or lightheadedness?" she asked.

Justin shook his head.

"That's good." She pushed the button to slowly raise the head of the bed so Justin could sit up. "Would you like something to eat? Maybe a soup and sandwich?" she asked.

Justin nodded his head, hesitating, as he looked around.

That angered Brian, because he knew what Justin was doing: he was looking around to make sure the fucker wouldn't see him eat.

"Perfect. Let me go and get you some lunch, and I'll have the doctor come and see you." She smiled and turned around to leave.

Justin looked over at Brian as the nurse left the room.  "Brian, what am I doing here?"  

"She told you. You needed a lot of sleep. And you got plenty of it."

Justin went to move his good hand but stopped when he saw that it was cuffed. He looked up to Brian with wide eyes.

Shit. "Sorry. I was just fucking around," Brian offered as a lame excuse as he pulled the straps loose. He wondered if he was supposed to do that. Oh, well; he did it anyway.

"I'm so confused, Brian. What's going on?" Justin asked.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Brian quietly asked.  He could see the wheels silently turning in Justin's head as he sought to answer his question.  Brian knew he must be remembering some of it; after all, he knew who he was.

"I don't know exactly. Everything's jumbled up," Justin replied, worry written across his forehead.

"It's okay. Don't try so hard. You just woke up."

"I gotta take a piss," Justin groaned. But Brian stopped him from moving.

"You can't. I'll call someone. You have a catheter," he explained.

Justin looked down and under the blankets. "What the fuck?" he breathed.

Brian hit the call button again and another nurse came in a few minutes later. Brian asked them to remove the catheter since Justin was now fully awake, and she came back in about ten minutes later with Suzie.

They asked Brian to step out of the room, but Justin seized his hand. "Please don't go." Justin said.

Brian nodded. "I'm not going anywhere. But let me just get out of their way."

Justin nodded and let go of Brian's hand, allowing him to move far enough away for the nurses to do their job. His eyes never strayed from Brian's, however.

"Alright, Justin. Now I just need you to breathe. This will only take a few seconds," the one nurse said. He closed his eyes tight and Suzie grabbed his hand and let him squeeze it while he hissed.

Brian wanted to vomit watching them pull the tube out. That was the worst fucking thing he'd ever seen. Wait, what was he saying? The worst fucking thing he had seen was when he had found Justin almost dead in the bathtub. He shivered just thinking about it.

"Alright, all done, sweetie. It may burn for a little while to pee, but it'll go away," she advised him.

As soon as both nurses left, Brian walked back over to Justin's bedside. "I'll help you into the bathroom," he said. He assisted in turning him in the bed so he could put his feet on the ground. He helped him stand up as Justin leaned heavily on him for support. Brian felt Justin wobble slightly on his feet as he held onto him tightly and walked him into the bathroom, wheeling the I.V. in with them. "Think you can do it yourself?" Brian asked.

Justin looked at him strangely. "What? Oh.  I...I don't know."

He knew Justin was so confused.

"I don't think I can do it myself," he finally admitted.

Brian nodded; he stood behind Justin, who was wearing a standard-issue hospital gown, and raised the material slightly as he literally grabbed Justin's dick and aimed it. He couldn't imagine how embarrassing this must feel for his ex-lover. Was that even the right term? he fleetingly asked as Justin emptied the contents of his bladder and then went rigid.

"Oh, my fucking God! That burns," Justin moaned.

It was a good thing Brian had stood behind him, because otherwise Justin would have fallen backward and collapsed onto the floor. He instantly felt Justin's body break out into a sweat. He gripped Brian's wrist as tightly as he could, digging his nails into him. That was the second time Justin had done that, and each time it left a mark.

After a full minute of agonizing pain, Justin was done, making him even weaker now. He barely made it back to his bed when he collapsed onto it. He broke out into a cold sweat again. Brian went back into the bathroom and washed his hands, grabbed a face towel, and ran it under the cold water. He came back and started wiping Justin down as best he could.

Justin lay there panting, his eyes squeezed tightly closed until the pain had subsided. After about ten minutes, he opened his eyes and stared intently at Brian.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked, frowning.

"Rose petals? On your bed?" he asked.

Brian smiled. "That's the first thing you remember?"  He couldn't believe it. But it still made him happy knowing Justin had remembered.

"I don't know," Justin answered. "Surely I dreamed that up."

Brian smiled at him again. "I'm glad that's the first thing you remembered," he admitted softly.

"You really did that?" he asked in wonderment.

Brian nodded.  "Yeah. Just don't spread it around. You'll ruin my reputation," he mock scolded him as Justin shared a smile of his own. Before they could say anything further, Suzie came back in with a tray.

"Hey, Justin, I have some lunch here," she announced. She put it on the bedside table and rolled it over so Justin could eat it in bed before excusing herself.

Justin looked down at his food in disgust, making Brian chuckle.

"Why don't you eat that crap, and then I'll go get you something that's actually edible a little bit later?" Brian suggested.

Justin looked up at him and squinted his eyes, fidgeting nervously.

"I'm not hungry," he whispered as he moved to push the table away.

That broke Brian inside. "No, you ARE hungry, Justin. Your stomach's growling. So, you need to eat something," Brian told him.

He narrowed his eyes at Brian. "Why are you here?" he asked suddenly.

Brian didn't know what to say.

"We aren't...we aren't together," Justin whispered. Brian really was at a loss for words. He cleared his throat.  "Listen. Why don't you just worry about eating? Stop trying to figure things out. Everything will come back to you. You've been sleeping for four days," he reminded him. "Please," he added, surprising even himself with that one word. He held his breath for several moments before Justin finally nodded his head.

Brian watched in relief as Justin wrinkled his nose up at the sight before him, but nonetheless ate his turkey sandwich and tomato soup. A little while later, Brian pushed the tray away for him. "What do you want me to get you for dinner?" he asked him.

"You don't have to get me dinner," Justin said uncomfortably.

Brian knew where Justin's brain was at. Justin thought that he was dating that fucker still, which meant he wasn't allowed to eat. And Justin was thinking that Brian hated him for what he had done.  He fidgeted uncomfortably.

"No, I promised to get you some real food for dinner, and that's what I'm going to do. So don't start with all this bullshit about setting me free out of guilt. Just deal with the fact that I'm here, that I want to be here...and that I'm gonna take care of you," he vowed.

Justin's face softened. He wouldn't bring up the fact that he wasn't allowed to eat. For now, however he had wound up here in this hospital, he would take advantage of the luxury that had been afforded to him.

"Really?" he whispered.

Brian nodded his head.

The doctor knocked on the door then and poked her head in.

"May I come in?" Dr. Frost asked.

"Yes," Brian answered.

The female doctor smiled at her patient. "Hi, Justin, I'm Dr. Frost. How are you feeling?" she asked him.

Justin shrugged. "I'm really confused. I don't know why I'm all banged up, and my arm's in a sling. I don't know why I can't remember anything. And I don't know why I'm here."  He looked quickly at Brian, silently wondering why Brian was here with him? And where was his fucking abuser?

"Well, you need to give it a few days to allow your body to rest and recall everything. Try not to push yourself. You've been sleeping for four days straight," she confirmed.

Justin's mouth dropped slightly; he had heard Brian mention the same thing, but he thought it must have misunderstood; apparently, however, he had heard right.

"So, Justin. I just wanted to let you know that you're in the VIP Wing of the hospital. That just means that you're in a private wing, in a private room, and that no one can come in unless they're preapproved by you. They have to have a special badge that has their face and thumb print on it. And the second thing to know is that all staff members must sign a detailed contract that stipulates severe consequences for releasing any information regarding a patient's name or any medical information. Any such leak of information will result in that staff member losing their license and paying an astronomical fine that none of us will see in this lifetime," she declared.

Justin looked over to Brian, stunned.

He knew that Justin was beyond confused.

"I, um... I don't know what's going on...but my..." he stuttered uncomfortably.

Brian knew what was coming.

Justin cleared his throat. "...my boyfriend. He should really be here," he said. Brian pressed his lips tightly together to avoid blurting out anything. Again. He knew Justin was fucking scared that the bastard wasn't here, because he'd get punished again. Whatever the hell that entailed.

The doctor's eyes locked onto Brian's before she replied, "Well, Justin, I'm going to be very honest with you. Ethan won't be getting into the VIP wing."

Brian saw Justin's face contort in confusion for the millionth time. He had cringed when he had heard that asshole's name.

"If he steps anywhere near this hospital, he will be arrested." the doctor informed him.

Brian peered intently into Justin's face to gauge his reaction.

Justin was too stunned to move. "What?"

"He is the reason why you're here. He's the one that hurt you," Dr. Frost explained.

"Why?" Justin whispered.

"I'm not exactly sure what happened, Justin...but when he's caught, he'll be arrested, and no doubt charged with attempted murder."

Justin's eyes widened, but he didn't immediately go into a full-blown panic attack like he would have done before.  Brian was relieved that whatever medicine he was being given must be having a sedative effect on him to keep him calm.

"Why would they do that? No, he wouldn't do that to me," Justin whispered.

Brian knew Justin was lying. Was he trying to convince them, or himself? Did Justin even know he was lying?

"Well, we're not sure of everything. When your head starts clearing up, we're gonna talk. And we have a psychotherapist for you to help with that.  But I want you to know that the Pittsburgh P.D. isn't taking this lightly. They have officers at every single entrance to this hospital. Even if he were to get into the hospital, there's absolutely no way he could get into VIP," she firmly assured him.

Justin was too stunned to reply.

She patted his shoulder briefly. "I'm gonna let you rest now. It's the best medicine there is. I'll come by tomorrow to see how you're doing." She smiled at him and then at Brian before leaving.

Brian sat there for a minute watching Justin. He still hadn't moved or spoken. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"You shouldn't be here," Justin whispered, a bit of panic in his voice. He slowly turned his head. "I know what she said. But I just don't understand how that can be true. We were fine! Everything was fine. He couldn't have changed. He couldn't have done that to me. She's lying...you can't stay here! You shouldn't be here because of what I did to you, or out of some perverted sense of obligation. You have to go. If he gets here and sees you...I don't know what he'd do. He'll go crazy seeing you."

Justin hadn't even realized what he was saying. He knew somewhere in his mind that the fucker was dangerous. Why else would he say he'd go crazy? Brian leaned forward and took Justin's hand in his own hands and began to massage his curled-up hand...or at least attempted to. Justin breathing evened out as he calmed down before he peered up at him.

"Rose petals." Brian said unexpectedly.

Justin stared at him. "What?"

"You remembered rose petals. That was real. I did that for you."

"Why?" he asked, perplexed.

Brian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I did that because...I was coming to get you. I was coming to bring you home," he revealed, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

Justin's face softened and he got choked up. For the first time since he had woken up, he started getting emotional. "You were coming to get me?" Justin whispered.

Brian nodded his head. "Yeah. But before I could come get you, Daphne came to my office. And she was hurt. Your fucking lothario had pushed her and broken her wrist when she had tried to get into your apartment to help you move out." Brian quietly told him, allowing a few moments for his words to sink in. "So, she came to my office to get help, and I rushed out to get you. Not the way I would have imagined...but I'm the one that found you...and brought you here. I was gonna come get you before this happened anyway. But then Daphne showed up." Brian said, clearing his throat.

"Did he beat me up again?" Justin asked.

Brian looked away from him and gulped. Again?

"What did he do to me?" Justin asked.

Brian let out a shaky breath, willing himself to control his emotions. Brian Kinney with fucking emotions!

He took a deep breath. "He duct-taped your hands and feet together. He...he put your hands behind your back...and he stuffed a sock in your mouth and duct taped it around your head...he left you naked in the bathtub...and left the freezing cold water running.  The tub was filled when I got there. But before it started filling up, you had raised your feet out of the water and managed to keep your head above the water until I could break the doors down and get you out." he whispered. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to cry. This didn't happen. This didn't happen...

"He was punishing me again," Justin whispered sadly.

Brian's eyes whipped open. He watched Justin shake his head.

"You saved me?" Justin asked.

Brian averted his eyes as he replied bitterly, "If I had just spent your birthday with you, I wouldn't have had to save you."  He scoffed. "If I had sat on the floor with you and had a picnic... If I hadn't gone out every night... If I had told you why I couldn't go to Vermont and had just postponed it... Or if I had just shown up in Vermont for you after I came back from Chicago... If I had just fucking told you I cared if you left. If I hadn't been fucking Rage in the backroom... If I hadn't done any of that shit, then you wouldn't have been in that bed...and wound up in that tub." he told him honestly.

He saw the look on Justin's face. His heart was broken by everything that Brian had admitted.

"You blame yourself?" Justin asked.

"Yes!" Brian growled. "Because if I had just told you that I ...I fucking loved you in the first goddamned place, we wouldn't be in this fucking hospital."

Justin's eyes widened. "What?" he asked. "If you had told me that...that you loved me?" Justin asked.

Brian realized what he had said. He took a deep breath.

Obviously, Justin hadn't remembered that he HAD already told him that he loved him.

"I'm sorry I didn't say it before. I wish I HAD said it before...but I do love you, Justin," Brian confessed.

Justin's eyes filled with tears. "You do?" he barely whispered.

Brian nodded his head.

Justin put his head in his hands. It was like he was trying to rip out his own hair. "But you don't love me. He told me over and over again that you hated me. You hated me! You just loved to fuck me. You got tired of me, so you threw me out. Ethan saved me, because you didn't love me," Justin rambled.

Brian sat on the bed and grabbed his hands to pull them away from his tear-stained face.

"Look at me, Justin.  Look...at...me." 

Justin sighed before he finally raised his head to peer into a pair of determined, hazel eyes.

"Stop it!  That's not true. I never said that. I never said any of those things. I don't hate you. I never threw you out. You were more than just sex. We lived together. There was a time when we were happy. I loved you, but I just couldn't say it back then. But I'm saying it now, Justin. I love you," he repeated as he gripped Justin's hands firmly. "Listen to my words, Justin. I love you. That's the truth. Stop listening to those fucking demons in your head! I love you," Brian told him.

Justin's eyes teared up.  Could he hope that what Brian was saying was true? Could he really love him?  "You really mean that?"

Brian sighed before nodding his head.  "More than you'll ever know, Sunshine. I don't say things that I don't mean; you know that. You've got to believe me.  Please."  He watched as Justin's face seemed to change into something resembling hope. At last...

"I didn't think you did. I was trying hard to get over you. I tried forcing myself into thinking that I loved him, because I got exactly what I deserved after I left you and humiliated you and embarrassed you in front of everyone. I wound up, instead, with this horrible person who just sucked the life out of me. But everything that happened to me was my fault. Everything. I thought he was the only one that loved me. So, I tried to ignore my feelings and forget about you and did everything he wanted me to.

"He stole all my money and cheated on me.  He told me that I couldn't wear certain clothes and he seemed to be everywhere, accusing me of lying and saying things that I had never said. And eating was a privilege. And then he got so fucking angry when I wouldn't let him fuck me, and he was furious with me, because I wouldn't stay hard. Then he started fucking me all the time. And he did it, even when I begged him to stop! I tried to get away. I had to think of you just to get through it. But I got exactly what I deserved. That's why he started hitting me. And punishing me. And making me call him 'Sir,' because he said he owned me. That I was his property. I deserved it," Justin rambled on as he cried. Justin was starting to remember everything, but Brian wasn't sure that Justin even realized it. He sat on the bed and pulled Justin to him and just held him as he continued to weep. What the hell was he saying? He was all over the place.

Justin kept revealing more and more as the hour wore on. The bastard had made Justin call him 'Sir?' God, bile rose in Brian's throat at the very thought. He vowed to kill the pathetic piece of shit for what he'd done to Justin. Everything Justin was, everything that Justin used to be, seemed to be gone. He had no idea who this Justin was. And the scariest part of all was that he wasn't sure the Justin he had known before would ever return. 

"Stop it! None of this was your fucking fault. You never deserved what happened to you. Ever," Brian told him.

"But after what I did to you..." Justin tried to finish his sentence, but Brian pulled him back and gently shook him by the shoulders.

"Why are you thinking this garbage? I had flat out told that you we weren't monogamous. I let you go around thinking that I didn't care. You had every right to leave. You never humiliated me or embarrassed me. You had every right to leave me. You did NOTHING wrong. You didn't deserve what that fucking piece of shit did to you. You have to stop thinking this bullshit," Brian growled. He knew convincing Justin wouldn't be easy. But maybe if he told him enough times, he'd get it through his head. He hugged him again. "You didn't deserve this, Sunshine.". He felt Justin trembling in his arms and then heard what sounded like a relieved sigh, just from hearing Brian call him Sunshine. He kissed the top of his head.

"There were balloons, too. Not just roses. And there was a Happy Birthday banner, too," he told him.

Justin pulled back and stared at him. "What made you decide to do all that?" he asked.

Brian huffed and rolled his eyes. "It may not have been because Lindsay called me a fucking hypocrite and a liar. I wasn't about to prove her right," Brian retorted.

Justin tilted his head.

"I guess it just gave me an excuse to finally come get you," Brian admitted.

Justin smiled as Brian leaned down and kissed him softly.

"What does all this mean, Brian?" Justin asked him.

Brian sat back and sighed. "What do you want it to mean?"  

He could tell that Justin was uncertain and didn't know how to answer. He already knew that Justin didn't want to assume anything.

"It means that you can choose. You can decide what you want. Any way you want. You can come home with me when you're all better. We can be together again. Or you can move in with Daphne. We can still be together if you live with her, or not be together. It's whatever you want it to be. It's your life, and your decision to make; you get to decide how you want to live it. No one has any power over you anymore. And it's not even a decision you have to make right now. This is something you can think about."  

"How do we just...go back to how it used to be? That's not even possible. No matter how much I want it," Justin replied sadly.

"Well, you said so yourself; you never stopped...caring about me. And I pretty much admitted that to you. I fucking gave you rose petals on our fucking bed." Brian grumbled, making Justin smile. It touched his heart. God, he was a fucking lesbian.

"This shouldn't be a factor in your decision. Get that out of the equation. You decide..." he stopped. It was almost exactly what he had said when he had told Justin to decide where he wanted to be. And Justin had stormed out before coming back later that night. He shook his head. "Maybe I should be clearer...I would love for you to come back home with me. If it were up to me, you would...but you have the right to choose how to live your life; I won't take that away from you. I won't do that to you. If you don't decide to move in with me, that's okay. You won't make me mad. And if you even decide that you don't want us together...it'll fucking suck...but it is your life, and you get to make the decisions about it. I never told you what I wanted before. I'm fucking telling you now. But you don't have to do what makes me happy. You have to do what makes YOU happy." Brian told him.

He watched as Justin's face started to turn a little green. He reached over and grabbed the trashcan and held it in front of Justin just in the nick of time before he vomited. Brian was suddenly reminded of why he was throwing up. Justin was pregnant. God, he kept forgetting. Why did he keep forgetting? Oh yeah, because he had never heard of a guy getting pregnant before.  

"Oh, God, the fucking smell of the soup made me sick all of a sudden," Justin said.

Brian nodded and took the trash can out into the hall where Suzie was sitting.

"He threw up," Brian reported, although that was pretty obvious.

She nodded her head. "I'll get an orderly to take care of this and find out what anti-nausea meds the doctor wants me to give him," she stated as she left her position to walk down toward the nurse's station.

Brian returned to Justin's room and sat in the chair, where he stayed with him for the rest of the day while Justin dozed on and off. He woke up about 6:00 p.m., and Brian could hear his stomach growling.

Brian smirked. "Hungry, Sunshine?" He asked.

Justin was hesitant.

Brian sighed in response. "Justin. If you're hungry, you can eat. So, are you hungry, Sunshine?"

Justin nodded his head and smiled, making Brian's heart skip a beat.

He'd have to remember to call him that more often. It did wonders for Justin hearing the affectionate nickname. "Whatever you want for dinner, I'll go get it for you." Brian said.

He peered over at Brian a little bashfully before he admitted, "I'd love a cheeseburger from the Diner."  He let out an involuntary yawn.

"Of all the places, you want something from the Diner?" Brian groaned.

Justin smiled and nodded.

"Alright; I'll go get it for you." He stood up and put his coat on. "I'll be back in a little while," he promised as he leaned down and kissed him. He stood back up and turned to leave.

"Wait," Justin called out. He motioned for him to come back to the bed. Brian bent down and Justin hugged him with his one good arm. Brian hugged him back.

"It's you that I want, Brian. I wanna be with you. I always have and that won't ever change. I wanna go back home with you."   

Brian sat on the bed and gazed into Justin's eyes. He knew it must have been hard for him to admit that, because even now Justin was having a hard time believing him.

"If that's what you want, then I'd love for you to come back home with me. Are you sure?" Brian asked.

Justin smiled and nodded his head.

Brian smiled back at him and kissed him again. "Later," he whispered as he finally left the room.

One of the reasons Brian didn't want to go to the Diner was because he didn't want to deal with anyone asking him a million questions. What would be his luck that he'd go in there and not see anyone? He opened the door and knew that wouldn't happen. Sure enough, there was Deb with her back turned, talking through the window to the cook. He walked over to the counter and waited for her to turn around. Her eyes widened.

"Brian! There you are!" she chirped, hugging him tightly. "I've been worried sick about you! How are you holding up?" Debbie asked.

Brian nodded. "I'm fine, Deb."   

She sighed. "How's Sunshine? Has he gotten any better?" Brian thought she was being uncharacteristically calm.

"He's been sleeping most of the time. He finally woke up today. He knows what happened to him, but he can't remember most of the details. He blurts out things without knowing what he's really saying. It's like a memory of his, but he just doesn't remember it," he explained, fidgeting with a fork lying on the counter.

"I'm so happy he's okay. And I'm so happy you're okay. We've all just been worried sick about you. But we decided to just give you some space," she told him.

Brian snorted and sat down. "Whose bright idea was that?"

"Lindsay and Melanie's. They told us about the fight you had at their house. We all just figured you needed that time away from us," Deb said sadly.

Brian knew how hard it must be for her to stay away; he was suddenly very appreciative of her.

She wiped her face. "I should have done more for him. I tried. But he kept telling me that he was okay," Debbie cried.

He patted her hand. "Justin wants a cheeseburger. He's craving one. And throw in some French fries and onion rings. With a cherry coke," He added.

She took a deep breath and then straightened up. She smiled. "I can do that. A turkey club for you?" she asked.

He smiled and nodded as he leaned over and kissed her cheek. He looked down at his phone to start reading through his email.

"Brian!" he heard Michael call him. He sat down next to him. "I've been leaving you a bunch of messages. I called Vanguard and they said you were on vacation. Why didn't you tell me that you had planned a trip?" Michael asked.

Brian stared at him like he was fucking crazy.

"It's exactly what you need. Getting away from all this bullshit. You should go to a beach, lie around in the sand, go find a bunch of hot guys, get your dick sucked, and then get it sucked again. You'll feel much better once you've had your dick sucked." Michael said.

Brian was aware that none of them had ever felt ashamed talking about anything sexual. But just the way Michael mentioned getting his dick sucked so many times in the same sentence made him feel both annoyed and creeped out.

"I'm not going on a fucking vacation. And I've been too fucking busy and too fucking stressed out to go trick hunting." Brian bitched.

"Then why don't we go to Woody's? We can pregame it, you can go find a guy, take him into the bathroom, and get your dick sucked. And then we'll go to Babylon, you'll get drunk, go into the backroom and get your dick sucked again."

"What is this? Gay kindergarten? Will you stop fucking talking about getting my dick sucked in every sentence!" Brian said loudly. Everyone stopped and looked at them.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Debbie demanded.

"Nothing Ma." Michael replied innocently.

Brian huffed. "He thinks I'm taking a vacation and that I should go and get my dick sucked at Woody's, and then go and get my dick sucked at Babylon." Brian bitched, rolling his eyes.

"Damnit Michael! Leave him alone. He's not going on a fucking vacation...Although he could fucking use one. But he's taking care of Sunshine. You need to fucking support him." Debbie told him sternly as she pointed her finger at him.

"Ma, stay out of it. It's none of your business."   

"Really?" Debbie reached across the counter and smacked his head.

"Ow! What was THAT for?"

"Don't tell me this isn't my business! Brian and Sunshine ARE my fucking business! And shame on you for not supporting Brian during this! They've been through enough without you meddling and pushing Brian to go out and party and get his dick sucked." Debbie told him.

"I know Brian's been through enough. That's why I'm trying to get him out of the situation that he's in and let him have fun for a fucking change." Michael argued.

"He's taking care of Justin. Justin is our first priority around here. And Brian needs all of our support right now. Not someone encouraging him to head over to Babylon." Debbie scolded him.

"You don't know what Brian fucking needs, Ma! He needs to get out of this bullshit and go back to his normal life!"

"Hello? I'm right here! And I don't need you talking about me like I'm some fucking five-year-old! Brian is a big boy. And Brian can make his own decisions. And Brian is going to pick up his food order, go back to the fucking hospital, and give it to Justin." Brian said as the bell rang.

Debbie grabbed the bag and handed it to Brian, along with a 'to go' cup with Cherry Coke in it.

"I put some lemon bars in the bag, too. Tell Sunshine I miss him, and that I can't wait to see him," Debbie said as she hugged Brian.

He nodded and walked out. To his dismay, Michael quickly caught up to him. "Brian, why won't you listen to me? I'm your best friend! Why can't you just stay out of it and let Justin stand up for himself and deal with Ethan on his own?"

Brian spun around. "Stop saying his fucking name before I beat the shit out of you," Brian snarled. He turned back around and kept on walking.

"But Brian, I'm your best friend. Why don't you give me a little credit for knowing you well enough to know what you need? You need to get out of the middle of all this crap. You need to let Justin clean up his own mess. You need to let him do it on his own and not let the little user drag you back down with him. You need to stay far away from him. Go back to your normal life. Go back to Woody's and Babylon. Dance the night away. Go into the backroom and get your dick sucked," Michael prattled on.

Brian had reached his limit. He dropped the bag and drink on the ground and spun around. He pushed Michael into the alley and up against the wall.

"What the hell is your problem? I'm not just gonna drop Justin. Why can't you fucking deal with it? And what the fuck is your obsession with me getting my dick sucked, huh?" Brian demanded. He let go of Michael and pulled his own pants and underwear down. "You want it, Michael? Is this what you've wanted all along? Well, come on, then! You have it. It's yours for the taking. Get down on your knees and suck my dick. Stick it in your mouth and make me cum. Suck on my balls and let me shoot my cum down your throat and swallow every last drop," Brian demanded as he held out his arms.

Michael looked around and then stared at Brian's impressive cock, his eyes dark with lust.

"Well, come on, I don't have all night! Get on your knees," Brian commanded, pushing Michael's shoulders down and making him get on his knees. Too easy. He grabbed hold of Michael's face. "Well, what the fuck are you waiting for? You wanted me to get my dick sucked. So, suck it."  

"Seriously?" Michael asked.

"Come on, Michael, I don't have all night. Suck it."   

What happened next shocked the living shit out of Brian. Michael actually opened his mouth and leaned it and licked his cock. Brian practically jumped away, and Michael fell forward. Brian pulled up his pants. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Brian demanded. He never in his wildest dreams thought Michael would do it. He thought he was just calling Michael's bluff. He thought Michael would finally get the hint. Brian didn't even pull away because he never thought Michael would go through with it. For once in his life, he felt dirty. He actually felt dirty from something sexual. Sick to his stomach, even.

"What are you doing?" Michael frantically asked him as he stood up.

"I'm fucking leaving." Brian growled.

Michael jumped forward and grabbed him. "Please don't leave! I can do it. I can suck your dick. And I can do it better than any fag out there can. I can do it better than Justin. And I can make you happy. I know you better than anyone. I know you better than that stupid fucking kid who let some asshole dress him. Please, Brian! Just let me do it. Let me suck your dick." Michael begged him, trying to shove his hands down Brian's pants.

He roughly pushed Michael away. "You gotta be fucking kidding me! How fucking pathetic can you be? Why the hell do you think I'd ever be with YOU?" Brian demanded.

"Because I'm your best friend! You'll never find anyone in this entire world that loves you more than me. Who knows you better. I know everything about you! And I can make you happy. I can suck your dick so good, Brian. Just let me suck on it, please! Let me show you." Michael pleaded as he attempted to try again. This time, Brian let him have it and shoved him hard, making him fall back and hit the pavement.

"Don't you ever fucking come near me again!" Brian yelled. He spun around and grabbed the bag of food and all but ran to his car. He got in and started the engine and watched as Michael tried to catch up to him, but he sped away. What the fuck had happened to Michael? What started this obsession with sucking his dick? Michael had made the statement sound wrong and dirty. And not the good kind of dirty. He desperately needed a damn shower. He needed to wash his dick and scrub the filth away. He actually shivered just knowing Michael had licked his dick.

He was seething the whole way back to the hospital. There was no going back with Michael. He had officially become unhinged. Where the hell did Michael actually think he would get a chance with him? He had been seething so badly that he didn't realize he had made it to Justin's door. He stood there for a moment and tried to shake it off. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, he opened the door and found Kara sitting with him.

"Hi, Brian. Justin's been waiting patiently for his dinner," Kara said as she rose to her feet. "We'll talk later, Justin. I have to go make my rounds," she said as Justin nodded back at her with a smile.

Brian knew that wasn't true. She was gonna sit right outside that door until Brian left. He put the bag down on the tray and started pulling the items out. He growled in frustration. All the food was scattered all over the bag. He threw the bag down so hard that all the containers were opened, and all the food spilled out. He then suddenly realized that he had dropped Justin's drink earlier. Damn Michael.

"What's the matter?" Justin asked.

"I dropped the bag and the fucking food went everywhere. Let me wash my hands, and I'll put it all back together."  Brian went into the bathroom and washed his hands; returning, he started putting Justin's cheeseburger back together. Debbie had packed plates in there, so he pulled them out and started placing different items on his plate.

"Are you okay? You seem really upset." Justin asked.

"I'm fine," Brian said tensely. Maybe a little too tense. He moved the bag and then pulled the tray over the bed and sat down with his own plate. He caught Justin staring at him.

"What happened?" Justin asked softly.

Brian sighed. "It was nothing. Michael just pissed me off. It's nothing to worry about," he calmly assured him. "Go ahead and eat." he softly urged his companion.

Justin took a couple of bites, but Brian realized how strangely he was acting.  At first, Brian figured it was because he was afraid to eat. But Justin kept staring at his hand. After a few minutes, Brian finally realized why. He knew that something was wrong. There was a cut there. Justin looked up and noticed that he was watching him.

"What happened to my wrist?" Justin asked.

Brian knew he wasn't going to finish his food, so he moved the tray away from him.

"Are you sure you wanna know?" Brian asked.


Justin nodded.

Brian didn't know how to tell him this. This was one memory that Justin obviously either didn't remember or didn't WANT to remember. He wished that he would just remember on his own, so he wouldn't have to be the one to tell him.  But he knew he would have to be honest with him. "You tried to cut yourself. From what I can tell, it was a few weeks ago."   

Justin stared at him. "I...I what...?"

Brian swallowed hard before continuing. "Then, a few days ago...you tried to do it again, but this time I stopped you."  He looked away from Justin. He didn't wanna look at his face to see his reaction. They sat there in silence for a few minutes.

"I was in the alley," Justin quietly began. "And I remember thinking I could just hop into the dumpster and stay there until the garbage truck came. It would put the garbage into the truck, and then it would compress me along with it and I'd just die. But you stopped me."


Brian whipped his head to stare at him. That's what he was doing?

"I tried thinking of all sorts of ways. It was a game. I wanted to take the bleach from the bathroom at the Diner and drink it. But the Diner was so busy that everyone kept going in and out of the bathroom all day, so I'd never have a chance."


Brian was horrified by how matter-of-factly Justin spoke.


"I thought about walking in front of a car. But every time I was walking home and thinking about it, he would show up and I couldn't go through with it," Justin revealed.


God, stop it! Please, Justin. He couldn't bear to listen to it. He couldn't believe how many ways Justin had thought about killing himself.

"I tried suffocating myself with a pillow, because I was waiting to be punished, but I could always breathe no matter how hard I held it down. It wasn't at the right angle or something. Someone had to push it down on my face, not pull it down. And then Ethan would pull the pillow away and punish me for being disrespectful," Justin said in an emotionless monotone. "And I swallowed all those pills...but I threw everything up....and I tried cutting my wrist, but then he pounded on the door, and then hit me when I came out of the bathroom." He was stuck somewhere inside his head. "I tried figuring out where to get a gun. But I couldn't get enough money away from him so I could buy one, because he had all my money, and I needed permission to be allowed to have any cash...And then I tried to do it at the loft..." he trailed off and looked at Brian. "But you stopped me." Justin said. He laughed bitterly.  "I couldn't even kill myself, even after trying so many times. It was like the ultimate punishment."


Brian gulped.

"I remember everything," he confessed. "And I remember how he left me in that tub to die. And how much I wanted to...and I know how much I want to still die right now," he whispered.

They stared at each other for a moment without breaking eye contact before Brian leaned forward and pushed the call button. Kara came in a moment later.

"Is everything all right?" Kara asked as she looked between the two.

"He remembers everything." Brian said cautiously.


Kara nodded and left the room.


They sat there in silence for several moments until Justin finally whispered, ""Why can't you just let me go?"  

"Justin...Because I love you too much." Brian admitted.

Justin's eyes started filling with tears. "You don't understand, Brian. He's going to come after me. He's never going to stop. His punishments keep getting worse and worse. I don't want to be punished again. He was going to shove a broom up my ass! But if I'm dead, then he can go after someone else...and all this agony will finally end."

Brian stared at him in dismay. "Justin...no..."

A moment later the door opened, and Dr. Frost came in, followed by two orderlies.

"Hi, Justin. I just heard the news that your memories have come back," she said kindly.


Justin stared at all of them. "Exactly why am I here?" he asked. His voice sounded frightened.

"Justin, Brian brought you here because of four suicide attempts. We're here to help you get through this. We're gonna help you, so you don't try to hurt yourself anymore," Dr. Frost said calmly.

If he hadn't known that this woman truly was here to help Justin, Brian would think she sounded creepy as fuck.

Justin turned his head towards Brian. "You told me it was my decision. That I got to choose what I wanted for my life." he said through clenched teeth.

Brian's mouth dropped. "I didn't mean this." he said. How could he think that he meant killing himself?

"It's my choice. Just let me go. Please, Brian," Justin begged him.


Brian was horrified. Absolutely horrified. Justin was begging Brian to let him kill himself.

"Justin, why don't we talk about this? Hurting yourself isn't..."

She was interrupted by Justin suddenly turning and ripping the I.V. out of his arm and attempting to...Brian wasn't sure what he was attempting to do - but the two orderlies didn't even give him a chance. They reached out before Justin could do anything.


Brian quickly backed out of their way. He couldn't watch this. This couldn't be happening again.


Justin fought against the orderlies, but he wasn't strong enough. They restrained his good hand, and then they used a different one to restrain his arm from his shoulder and at the elbow so they didn't hurt his arm.

"LET ME DIE! LET ME DIE!" Justin yelled. Dr. Frost walked forward and stuck a needle in his arm. After a moment, Justin had completely calmed down. Brian was too stunned to move. Dr. Frost turned around.

"He's at high risk. So, I want a nurse and orderly with Justin at all times when Brian isn't here. Anyone else, they need to leave the door open, so you can run in at any time." Dr. Frost ordered. She turned to Brian. "Are you okay?" she asked.


Without a word, Brian ran out of the room and as soon as he was outside, he threw up.