Chapter 32

After their visit to the hospital had ended, they had all returned home. Justin had offered to take care of dinner and Luke had immediately offered to help him as he often did. Gus had asked if he could go to Justin's studio, saying that he wanted to look through some of the sketches he had done at the zoo earlier that day. Justin had allowed it, knowing that Gus would be careful and the studio would be fine.

Which left Brian, who had obviously become really exhausted the longer the day had gone on. By the time they had left the hospital, Brian had almost been as tired as Vicky had been. Justin could see how tired his eyes looked, could see how hunched his shoulders were and more than anything, he could hear it in Brian's breathing. It wasn't labored, but it souded far from as good as it normally did, despite the supplementary oxygen Brian still carried around with him all the time.

In recent months he had had sessions with a physiotherapist to help him improve his lung capacity and to help him get used to his new, lower lung capacity, but as he had been undergoing chemotherapy and had been suffering from the side effects, the physiotherapy had only been able to achieve so much and the doctors had assured Brian that once he was feeling more up to his old self, the physiotherapy would start to show improvement and his lung capacity would increase.

Brian hoped that it was true because he hated carrying around the supplementary oxygen. He hated having to wear the nasal cannula, he hated the way people looked at him and eyed him, wondering what was wrong with him.

While his family had pretty much gotten used to the look of the nasal cannula, having seen it for months now, he still hated the way people he didn't know looked at him and he really hoped that he would be able to get rid of it soon.

As it was, he still needed it now and he still tired way more easily than he would have before his surgery and before the chemotherapy. Even a simple visit to the zoo had wiped him completely.

“Go and lie down, you're dead on your feet,” Justin said quietly as he made his way over to where Brian was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs. He was hardly able to keep his eyes open and his head up from the looks of it. “I'll get you when dinner is ready.”

“Nah, I am fine,” Brian replied, not getting any further.

“You really are the most stubborn man I've ever met, do you know that? It's clear to everyone that you're absolutely exhausted. Why don't you just go and lie down until dinner is ready? Please?”

Brian met Justin's eyes and saw the concern in them. He knew that Justin only meant well and more than that, he knew that Justin was right. He needed a nap. Even though it made him feel like a baby and much weaker than he wanted to be, there was no arguing: He needed that nap.

In the end he just nodded. “Okay.”

“Thanks,” Justin said honestly, looking at Brian's tired face. “I love you,” he said for good measure, leaning in for a quick kiss.

“Love you, too.”

Brian then got up and left the kitchen, leaving Justin and Luke in charge of dinner. He made his way into their bedroom and tiredly lay down on the bed, not even bothering with the blanket. He just lay down and immediately fell asleep.

He didn't know how long he had been asleep when he was woken up by small fingers running over his cheek and his head. For a second he wondered if it was Justin, after all he had said that he would get Brian and wake him up, but the touch felt different to what Justin normally felt like.

Brian forced one eye to open, raising one eyelid and looked at the still form of Luke at his side, who looked at him from his big, blue eyes.

“Hey, sonny boy,” Brian said, letting his son know that he was awake.

“Hey, daddy,” Luke replied, smiling his own version of a sunshine smile at Brian.

“What are you doing here? Is dinner ready?”

Luke shook his head, his blond locks everywhere. “No, it's in the oven. I was bored.”

“Where is your Papa?” Brian frowned, knowing that Luke had been with him.

“On the phone with Aunt Daphne. She called when we put the food in the oven.”

“Well, Daphne has always had great timing,” Brian winked, knowing that it could be a while before Justin and her were done talking. Even though they talked several times a week, they still had no problem talking for hours on end.

“She says hi,” Luke said with a smile. He liked Daphne and had always liked her humour.

“Ah, so you've spoken to her as well?”

“Hmmm, I picked up the phone since Papa was putting the food in the oven,” Luke explained as if Brian should have figured that one out himself.

“Are your Papa and Daphne having their conversation in the kitchen?” Brian wondered, for a second wondering if maybe he should head down and keep an eye on dinner.

“Yeah, Daddy said he would watch dinner. He told me to go and watch some TV or play or read, but I didn't want to.”

“Why not? You love reading or playing with your games,” Brian pointed out, knowing that both his sons didn't really care that much about watching TV. Yes, sure they all loved watching a movie together or watching some TV show together in the evening, but in general, his sons were a lot less interested in TV than other kids their ages were and spent a lot more time doing other stuff instead.

“I wanted to be with you,” Luke said earnestly, looking at Brian from his big blue eyes.

“Why? I was sleeping. That must have been very boring.”

Luke just shrugged in response like that hadn't mattered. “I missed you.”

“I am right here, sonny boy,” Brian muttered, feeling slightly confused by Luke's statement. What did he mean he had missed him?

“I know, but...I just wanted to spend some time with you.”

“Are you okay, Luke? Is everything alright?” Brian asked, feeling slightly concerned by the way Luke's eyes were now shining. Almost as if he was about to start crying.

Luke nodded bravely, before he hid his head in Brian's shoulder, no longer looking at him.

“Hey, it's okay. You can tell me, you know?” Brian said gently, turning onto his side and holding Luke close as the younger boy leaned into his chest and embrace.

“I love you, Daddy,” Luke whispered, still hiding his face in Brian's chest, holding on tightly.

“I know you do. And I love you. More than anything,” Brian responded sincerely, running his hand through his son's blond locks.

“I am glad you're feeling better, Daddy,” Luke said next, pulling slightly back and looking into his father's face that still clearly showed the effects of the ordeal he had been through in the last three months. “And that Vicky is doing better.”

“Thanks, sonny boy. I am glad too. And very relieved.”

“Were you scared, Daddy? I was scared,” Luke admitted, looking at Brian from wide eyes.

“I was very scared,” Brian admitted to his son, running his hands through his hair. “I was scared that I would never see you grow up and get married or start a career or have children on your own. I was scared that Vicky wouldn't be healthy, that she would be too small and too sick and wouldn't be okay. I was scared that you and Gus wouldn't be okay because we didn't have as much time for you as we normally did,” Brian admitted, not quite sure what made him say all of that to his young son, but somehow it seemed like the right thing to say.

“You were scared as well?” Luke asked, his surprise obvious. “I thought you don't get scared, Daddy.”

“Oh, I can get scared. And I was very scared that I would have to say goodbye to you, Gus and your Papa. That scared me more than anything.”

“When I got scared, I went to Papa and he would give me a hug and hold me and tell me that everything would be okay. And he was right, Papa doesn't lie.”

“No, he doesn't. And his hugs are the best, aren't they? I know I went to him for hugs quite a bit as well when I got scared.”

“But who gives Papa a hug when he gets scared?” Luke asked, a worried frown on his forehead. “If he gives all of us hugs, who gives him a hug?”

“I did, at least I tried. And I know that he got hugs from your grandma Jen and grandma Debbie, from Auntie Em. Talking to Auntie Daphne must have felt like getting a hug from her. And I know that you and Gus gave him hugs as well. I am sure they helped him more than you know. I know they always help me.”

“That's good. He should be getting hugs as well. Maybe we should give him a hug later,” Luke suggested, looking at his father from thoughtful eyes.

“Yeah, we should. He definitely deserves a good hug,” Brian agreed, knowing that Justin deserved so much more than just a hug. But maybe a hug would be a good start to pay him back for everything he had done for their family in recent months.

He had pretty much put his own life on hold to be able to take care of Brian, Vicky and Gus and Luke. Brian knew that he would never be able to thank him enough for that. And even more than that, he knew that Justin would never expect any thanks from him in return. That was not the type of person Justin was. He did things for the people he loved without expecting anything back. If he loved someone, he would gladly stop his own life to help them and Brian knew better than anyone how much Justin loved him and their family.

Brian smiled when he felt Luke's arms encircle him and pull him closer. “I thought you wanted to hug your Papa,” he chuckled when he felt Luke hugging him.

“And you! You deserve a hug as well.”

“Awwwwww, come here, sonny boy,” Brian said, emotions all over the place, pulling Luke closer. “You deserve one as well. You're a good boy.”

“Daddy,” Luke said after a while in which they had both been quiet. “Will Vicky come home soon?”

“Hopefully,” Brian answered truthfully. “She's doing a lot better now, but the doctors want her to still gain a bit more weight before she can leave the hospital.”

“And until then we can go and visit her in the hospital?” Luke asked, looking at his father's face from his own questioning gaze.

“Yeah, you can. If you want, we can go and see her again tomorrow.”

“Yes, please! I want her to know us. I want her to know our family and I want her to know that we love her. She must be very lonely at the hospital.”

“She gets a lot of visitors. You saw that earlier. Auntie Em, Uncle Teddy and Blake, Grandma Deb. And that was just today. She's very busy with all her visitors,” Brian joked, glad when Luke smiled at that bit of information.

“So she's not lonely and scared?”

“No, she's not. She's got a lot of people coming by day by day that love her and want to spend time with her and from now on, she'll also have you and Gus coming by. She's a very busy little baby girl.”

“That's good, I don't want her to be scared or lonely.”

“She's not,” Brian assured his son once more, looking at his happy face. “Maybe we should go down and check and see if your Papa is still alive, what do you say?” Brian suggested next, thinking that it was time for someone to check on dinner.

“Can I ask one more thing?” Luke asked, eyeing Brian curiously.

“Sure,” Brian nodded as he slowly sat up, helping his son sit up next to him.

“Now that your therapy is over, will your hair come back?” Luke asked, raising his eyes to Brian's bald head.

Brian nodded, trying to look as encouraging as he could. “Yeah. It might take some time, but it will come back one day. We just have to be patient. It could still be a couple of weeks or maybe even months.”

“That's good,” Luke said sincerely, leaning in and kissing his father's cheek.

“Why?” Brian couldn't help but ask, wondering why Luke would care about his hair.

“Then everything will be back to normal. Just as it should be,” Luke said seriously, a sunshine smile breaking out on his face. “And then we can play soccer again, right?”

“Right,” Brian agreed, infected by his son's enthusiasm. “Everything will be normal again.”

“That's good. I like normal,” Luke announced, before he got off the bed and headed for the door. “Love you, Daddy.”

“Love you, too, sonny boy,” Brian smiled as he followed his son, squeezing his shoulder as he left the bedroom behind him.

Out of the mouths of babes. He definitely liked normal as well. Who would have ever thought? Who would have ever thought it possible that Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue would long for his life to return to normal and who would have ever thought that normal would include having a partner, children and being happy with that family? Sometimes life sure didn't make a lot of sense. And yet, it still felt so right.