Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

Brian woke before Justin, in exactly the same position as he’d fallen asleep -- lying on his side, spooned against his partner, feeling the gentle rise and fall of Justin’s chest as he breathed. It had been one of his favorite positions to wake up in for over a decade -- at least, since he’d been willing to admit to himself that he felt something for Justin.

Sometimes Brian wondered what his 20-something past-self -- the same one for whom a good Christmas Eve included a late-night stop at the bathhouse after leaving Debbie’s non-negotiable family dinner -- would have to say about where he’d ended up in his life. If his past-self would even be able to believe that he’d made it to his late 40s and was happily married, monogamous, and hadn’t set foot in the back room of a nightclub for a few years at that point. Not that it mattered what the fuck his past-self would have thought anyway. What mattered was whether his present-self was happy. And he was.

Brian loved his life and his chosen family, and he felt just as grateful for it all as the family on the random holiday movie he’d watched alone in the living room had been for their idyllic television life. While his own life wasn’t nearly as perfect as theirs had been, he had to admit it was pretty damn good.

He closed his eyes for a moment, his nose buried in Justin’s thick, blond hair, and inhaled the scent that was Justin -- rosemary mint shampoo and cheap conditioner from the drugstore, despite Brian’s best efforts to get the younger man to switch to better quality grooming products. But Brian supposed that was one quality that was just Justin, along with his tendency to choose his clothing based solely on comfort level without giving two shits what he looked like most of the time. Brian had bought him plenty of slim-fit jeans and nicer shoes and button-up shirts, but Justin still preferred his baggy, too-long jeans, t-shirts, and worn-in sneakers.

Justin stirred a little in Brian’s arms, rolling over onto his back without waking fully, then settling into a position where Brian could see the slightest hint of a smile on his husband’s face, indicating that Justin was every bit as content as Brian was in that moment. Brian was debating whether or not to wake Justin with a good morning kiss -- or possibly more -- when he heard the doorknob click, and the soft squeak of the hinges as the door slowly opened, revealing Gus hesitantly peeking around the frame.

“Oh, thank god,” Gus said, sounding relieved. “I was afraid you’d be… you know.”

“You didn’t give me a chance,” Brian smirked.

“Should I be disappointed?” Justin's sleepy voice joined the exchange.

“Morning, Sunshine,” Brian said, planting a soft kiss on Justin's temple before whispering in his ear, "I promise I'll make it up to you later."

“Uh...Merry Christmas?” came Gus’ hesitant voice from the doorway, interrupting Brian's whisper before it could turn into anything more.

Justin snuggled deeper into his husband's arms and looked over at Gus -- in some ways clearly a young adult, and in other ways still the little boy he'd been so many years ago. Shades of the excitement a much-younger Gus had always felt for the holiday were still present in his face, though he looked like he was trying to conceal said excitement, likely in favor of looking smooth or cool in front of his dads.

“Mom made cinnamon rolls, and, like, a ton of other stuff,” Gus continued, still standing awkwardly in the doorway. “I swear she’s been up for two hours already or something. Anyway, she asked me to come see if you two were awake. And, well, you are, so…”

“Guess that means we have to get up, huh?” Justin’s lips quirked up into a half smile as he looked up at Brian.

“Sounds like a sugar coma awaits,” Brian chuckled. “We’ll be down in a minute, Sonny Boy.”

“Okay,” Gus said, this time unable to conceal the wide smile that spread across his lips before he turned around and headed back toward the stairs.

“Think we could sneak in a quick shower before we go downstairs?” Brian purred, pressing his lips to the skin just in front of Justin’s ear, then continuing down his jawline and starting to go further south.

“Only if you want the mother of your child to come beating the door down when breakfast is ready,” Justin laughed, using his fingers to tilt Brian’s chin back upward for a kiss. “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time later.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“Well, you did make me a promise.” Justin’s eyes twinkled as he leaned in to kiss his husband more deeply, long enough to elicit a low moan from Brian before Justin pulled away with a wink, adding, “And I intend to hold you to it.”

Since Gus had still been in his pajamas when he’d come to their door, neither Brian nor Justin figured they needed to put on actual clothes for the Christmas morning festivities. Justin was mildly surprised that Brian didn’t insist on looking “put together,” given that he was sure Lindsay was likely one of those moms who took a million pictures. But all Brian did was put on his silk robe over his t-shirt and pajama pants, before pressing one last kiss to Justin’s lips and murmuring, “Merry Christmas, Sunshine,” with a twinkle in his own eye much like the one Justin had moments before.

They were only about halfway down the stairs before the blend of delicious smells coming from the kitchen found their way to Justin’s nose -- cinnamon and vanilla again, this time with a hint of orange, and something savory as well, plus coffee of course. When they reached the bottom and rounded the corner into the kitchen, they found the countertop covered with various platters and dishes: cinnamon rolls, mini quiches, fruit salad, egg bites, bacon, avocado toast cut into the shape of Christmas trees, and a tray of assorted miniature tea sandwiches. There might have been only six of them, but Lindsay’s spread would probably feed three or four times that. Even so, Brian felt it wise to keep his remarks to himself about whether or not Lindsay intended to feed a small army or perhaps the entire neighborhood, lest she try to force him to eat more than he actually wanted. He’d really enjoyed Christmas Eve, and just wanted a couple more no-drama, relaxing days with his family, before he and Justin had to head back to New York (and back to real life and all of its accompanying stresses).

Lindsay pulled a stack of plates down from the cabinet just as Brian and Justin entered the kitchen. “Good morning,” she said over her shoulder. “Help yourselves. There’s coffee already made, and hopefully a little something to please everyone. I thought we’d make our plates and take them in the living room so we can all open gifts.”

Jennifer and Melanie, who were already having coffee at the table, rose to make their own plates, as Brian and Justin got started on theirs. Gus, who had already been standing by the counter, likely stalking the food as hungry teenage boys tend to do, wasted no time in filling a plate up with two or three of each item and a sizable pile of fruit salad. Justin’s plate looked similar, while Brian’s was the exact opposite.

“Is that really all you’re eating?” Justin asked, looking at Brian’s single mini quiche, a half-slice of bacon, and two egg bites.

“You know I don’t eat a big breakfast.” Brian shrugged and pushed the egg bites over to make room for a modest spoonful of fruit. “It’s not like there won’t be more if I’m still hungry.”

“You can say that again,” Melanie said under her breath, directly into Brian’s ear. They shared a knowing smile and a laugh, as the two people in the room who knew Lindsay the best, and as a result, also knew that this spread was probably the scaled-down version of what she’d originally had planned.

Everyone was chatting amongst themselves as they prepared their plates and coffee, while Gus, who had already taken his own loaded-down plate into the living room, tried to shepherd everyone out of the kitchen and in the direction of the Christmas tree -- and gifts. Soon, Brian was the last one left, making his coffee as Gus stood nearby, still trying to act smooth and unaffected but failing miserably at it, as evidenced by his constant fidgeting.

Brian had just finished pouring the sugar into his mug and was reaching over to take a spoon out of the silverware drawer when he heard Gus let out an exasperated sigh.

“Expecting something special from Santa Claus, Sonny Boy?” Brian asked, arching his eyebrow as he turned to face his son, a teasing smile on his face.

Melanie smirked as she passed Brian on her way back into the kitchen to grab some extra napkins for everyone. “You’d never believe this is the same kid that we practically had to pry out of his bed on Christmas morning last year.”

“Hey!” Gus protested indignantly, but Brian simply gave an almost-shy smile in response, realizing that Gus’ excitement wasn’t simply due to it being his favorite holiday, but rather, because Brian, Justin, and Jennifer were there to share it with him.

Melanie huffed a tiny laugh as she took notice of his reaction, and patted him on the arm as she walked by again, pulling an unsuspecting Gus into the living room with her to give Brian a moment to collect himself.

“Finally,” Gus groaned when Brian entered the room a minute later, planting himself on the couch next to Justin.

“Careful!” Justin warned, tilting his plate slightly to prevent a grape from rolling away from his mound of fruit salad.

“Can we start?” Gus asked impatiently, his hand already on the first gift to distribute. His full plate of food sat on an end table, temporarily forgotten.

Melanie and Lindsay exchanged amused looks. “Don’t you think it’s a little hard for everyone to open gifts and eat at the same time?” Melanie asked, using the hand holding her mug of coffee to gesture toward the precariously balanced plate in her own lap.

Gus rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll sort while you guys eat. Okay?” After no disagreement from the adults, he settled into his task, making piles for each of them, as best he could, since some of the gifts were clearly joint and intended for either his moms or dads. When all was said and done, Gus, unsurprisingly, had the largest pile, though Brian’s was surprisingly not far behind.

They decided that it made the most sense for Gus to open a gift first, followed by Jennifer, since she was the main guest, followed by Brian and Justin, and then Lindsay and Melanie, though there were plenty of times when they lost track of who was supposed to go next. After a few rounds, everyone seemed pleased with their hauls so far -- Gus was particularly enamored with a bright orange Roots down jacket from his moms (“You’re going to look like a fucking traffic cone,” Brian had snarked, completely ignored by his nonplussed son), concert tickets to see one of his favorite bands play in Pittsburgh (complete with a solo Gigi weekend), and an assortment of video games.

Lindsay couldn’t stop gushing over a hand-dyed silk scarf from Jennifer, and was surprised and pleased by an InstantPot from Melanie, as well as an elegant pair of dangling gold filigree earrings from her son. Melanie had nearly burst into tears when she opened Justin’s gift -- a beautifully matted and framed photo of Jenny Rebecca, her features bathed in glowing light as she gazed down at a fancy dessert they’d all shared on Brian and Justin’s last joint visit to Toronto, and she was thrilled by concert tickets to see Brandi Carlisle from Lindsay, and a beautiful engraved fountain pen from Jennifer. Justin was amused by the sheer volume of designer clothing Brian had managed to acquire for him -- mostly from his shopping trip with Gus the previous day, though he suspected it wasn’t his actual gift. He was clearly caught off-guard by a fancy set of pastels in their own wooden carrying case from Lindsay and Melanie (“I heard you were doing some experimentation with new mediums,” Lindsay had offered, a satisfied smile on her face), and laughed delightedly when he opened obnoxiously patterned socks from Gus -- a running joke they'd had for several Christmases, to see who could get the ugliest pair for the other. Based on what he knew Gus had yet to open, this year was going to be a close call.

As predicted, Jennifer raved about the Burberry scarf she received from Justin, and reacted to the diamond-accented Tiffany bangle from Brian with a shocked, “You shouldn’t have; this is too much!” But Brian simply smiled and told her she deserved it, and soon she had slipped the bangle on her wrist, admiring the way the diamonds caught the light before she leaned in to thank him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Of course, Jennifer’s gift to her son and son-in-law wasn’t exactly modest, either -- an all-expenses-paid trip to a bed and breakfast in Cape Cod, complete with several wine tastings.

“Oh my god, the seafood,” Justin moaned appreciatively as they discussed possible highlights of the trip.

Lindsay nodded. “My aunt had a summer home on the Cape, and I always looked forward to going there and eating fresh clams.”

“Started early,” Brian teased, unable to hide his amusement, which earned him a well-deserved shove in the arm that only made him laugh harder.

“Well,” Lindsay continued, entirely undeterred, “you can always go crabbing if you go during the right season. Gives a whole new meaning to catching crabs on vacation for you, doesn’t it?”

“Ohh,” Melanie crowed, clearly pleased with her wife’s uncharacteristic volley. Brian gave her the finger, and Jennifer just shook her head in capitulation, though a smile played at the corners of her lips.

Only Gus looked completely disgusted. “Um, can you all not?” he groaned.

Brian reached over to give his son a comforting pat on the shoulder. “It’s alright, Sonny Boy. One day you’ll discover the true magic of oysters.”

Gus rolled his eyes. “Is that some other sex-thing too?”

This time, Justin took pity on him. “He means actual oysters. Some people say that they’re an aphrodisiac, and can cause sex to be a lot better. I personally haven’t had that experience with them, but,” he paused, glancing pointedly at Brian, “others swear it’s true.”

Gus quickly jumped in before his dad could respond, making a big production out of shoving the previous day’s decoy gift of the sherpa throw blanket in his moms’ direction to create a distraction, effectively cutting Brian off.

Brian hadn’t opened anything thus far, but he didn’t seem bothered by that, instead choosing to sit with his arm around Justin, far more focused on enjoying the happy reactions of his family toward everything they’d received. Justin, meanwhile, hoped that the surprise he had planned would elicit the exact same reaction in Brian that he seemed to love watching in everyone else. He knew Brian had been taught at an early age not to expect much for himself when it came to gifts, and that he’d held onto that lack of expectation even in adulthood, much preferring to give rather than receive, but Justin was hoping he’d be able to incite at least a little bit of childlike Christmas excitement in his husband.

Justin felt Brian’s fingers brush lightly over his shoulder as Gus picked up the small box that Justin recognized as being from Brian. Gus shook it, seemingly perplexed at the lightness of the package and the lack of noise produced by said shaking.

“Did you forget to put the gift in here?” he teased. “I mean, given your advanced age and all.”

“Better watch your mouth, Sonny Boy, or I’ll take it back.” Brian gave his son his trademark smirk, but Justin knew there was no truth in his words. There was no way in hell Brian would ever take that gift back, given that what was in the box was almost as much of a gift for Brian as it was for Gus.

Once Gus had all the paper off and lifted the lid off the box, his eyes lit up as he looked down at its contents -- photos of Big Ben and the Eiffel Tower, and a printed airline itinerary for the spring break trip to London and Paris that Brian had booked for them both. It would be a father-son trip, and Justin had a feeling it would be the trip of a lifetime for both of them, not because of the destination, but because of the company.

“I thought about buying you a car, but I figured if you go to college in New York, you won’t really need--”

“This is the best,” Gus breathed, cutting Brian off before he could finish his sentence as he sat staring, flabbergasted, at the airline ticket confirmation, which contained just his and Brian’s names. “I can’t believe it.”

“Hopefully you’re okay with spending a week with your old man,” Brian said, pulling his lips into his mouth in that bashful expression Justin found so endearing -- one of the facets of Brian Kinney not many people got to see.

“Are you kidding?” Gus exclaimed, finally looking up at his father. “I can’t fucking wait!”

“Gus,” Lindsay cut in, almost automatically. “Language.”

“Sorry,” Gus mumbled, without looking at his mother. “It’s just… This is… Wow. Thank you.”

“Anything for my Sonny Boy.” Brian smiled -- a broad, genuine smile, though it still bore just a hint of shyness, as if he wasn’t quite sure how to navigate showing the depth of his love for Gus in front of other people, despite the fact that every one of those people already knew that Gus meant the world to him.

“Hard to believe you’re the same man who wandered into Lindsay’s hospital room in the middle of the night, dragging along your teenage lover whose name you couldn’t even remember,” Melanie said, smiling as well. “I had my doubts about what kind of father you’d be. Honestly, I had hoped Lindsay would just write you off like I planned to, but I’m glad she didn’t.”

“Better be careful, or people are going to start to think you actually like me,” Brian smirked, his voice bearing the familiar sarcastic tone that was often his trademark where interactions with Melanie were concerned.

“Asshole,” Melanie retorted, though her smile belied her words as she threw a wadded-up scrap of wrapping paper in Brian’s direction.

“Alright, you two,” Lindsay cut in. “That’s enough. Who’s next?”

“You go ahead,” Brian said, setting his coffee mug down on the table and pushing another small box in Lindsay’s direction. “That one’s for both of you. From Justin and me.”

“Ooooh.” Lindsay smiled as she held the box up to her ear and shook it gently. “I’m guessing since it’s for both of us, it’s not jewelry. Unless it’s--”

“Please don’t make any more sexual jokes,” Gus grumbled.

“I wasn’t going to,” Lindsay laughed. “I was going to suggest that it might be a gift certificate. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

Gus eyed his father warily, clearly expecting him to jump in and take care of what his mother wasn’t, but Brian was quiet, instead watching Lindsay with anticipation as she slid her finger under the tape on one side of the box. She unwrapped it carefully and demurely -- the exact opposite of the way Gus had torn into all of his -- then took the lid off the box, revealing a gift somewhat similar to what Gus had received, only this one contained photos and brochures from an island resort and an airline confirmation set up for Lindsay and Melanie.

“Brian,” Lindsay gasped, as Melanie peered over her shoulder. “This is… I don’t know what to say.”

“Since you two never had a ‘real’ honeymoon, I thought you might like to take one. And before you say anything, you don’t have to worry about the kids -- Michael and Ben have agreed to take J.R. for the week, and Gus can stay with us. So it’s really a gift for me.” Brian grinned and took a nonchalant sip of his coffee. “And it’s all taken care of -- meals, excursions, a spa day. All you have to do is show up and enjoy.”

“Thank you,” Lindsay said, smiling at Brian as Melanie echoed the sentiment alongside her. “It looks like a beautiful place.”

“It is. We went last summer,” Justin added. “The food was to die for.”

“I see your definition of a good vacation destination hasn’t changed one bit,” Jennifer laughed.

Justin blushed a little, but quickly decided to shift the attention away from himself by saying, “Brian, why don’t you go next? We’ve all just been skipping over you. I think you’re the only one with anything left.” Truthfully, Justin had been purposefully skipping over Brian, opening his own gifts right after his mother, knowing that Brian wouldn’t say a word. Gus had also helped Justin’s cause by making sure Brian’s pile of gifts was just around the edge of the sofa, ensuring he didn’t look at them too carefully. Now that the cue had been given, Gus pushed the stack of wrapped packages toward his father -- one large box and a half-dozen smaller ones, all wrapped in paper from toy ads.

Brian picked up one of the smaller packages, turning it over in his hands. “I haven’t seen a gift wrapped like this in decades,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically wistful, as if he was lost in a memory. “Debbie always wanted to make sure that she spent every cent she could -- little as it was -- on the actual gifts, so she’d reuse the pages of the Christmas wishbooks as wrapping paper, usually with the things we’d been eyeing that she couldn’t afford. It was sort of her way of giving them to us, I guess. But how did you--”

“I remembered you telling me about it,” Justin said, smiling. With as few fond Christmas memories as Brian had shared with him, Justin remembered every single one.

“But why now? I told you that ages ago. Probably the last time I saw one of these ads actually in print. How in the hell did you get this many?”

“Oh, I pooled together some resources.”

“Justin asked us to gather up all we could,” Lindsay added.

“That still doesn’t tell me why--”

“It just seemed appropriate,” Justin cut Brian off, eager for his surprise to be revealed. “You’ll see. You might want to start with the big one, though.”

Brian reached down and pulled the largest of the boxes into his lap, examining the paper, which prominently featured a spread of Barbie dolls and accessories on top. “You know, Debbie always tried to at least use the pages of the things I would have liked,” he teased, elbowing Justin in the ribs.

“Well, you said it yourself, ad man, these print ads are a dying breed.” Justin elbowed Brian back. “We had to take what we could get.”

“You could have at least used the Marvel section. Or Hot Wheels.”

“Quit bitching and open your damn gift,” Justin laughed. “And you call me a princess.”

“Hey, if the shoe fits.” Brian tore open the paper, then slid a finger underneath the flap of the box, breaking the tape Justin had used to hold it closed while he wrapped it.

“You’d better be quiet or you’re gonna be awfully lonely later tonight.” Justin grinned.

Under normal circumstances, Brian would have come back with a smartassed response, but he was too distracted by what he’d revealed when he pulled open the lid of the box. He looked down at it for a few seconds, blinking as if he wasn’t quite sure of what he was seeing, then lifted his gaze to meet Justin’s.

“How did you…” Brian let his voice trail off as he looked down again, this time reaching into the box to pull out the familiar joystick controller of an Atari console.

“I have my sources.” Justin smiled, already knowing what the rest of Brian’s question would have been. “I wanted to get you something special, and, well, you’re kind of the guy who has everything. And what you don’t have, you buy. So I thought I’d give you something you’d always wanted. Even if it’s a few decades late.”

“This is awesome.” The look on Brian’s face as he pulled the console itself and the other controller out of the box reminded Justin of how Gus had looked just a few minutes before. “How in the hell did you find this? It looks unused...”

“It's an original, never opened before now. And you can find just about anything if you look hard enough.”

Brian let out a slow breath. “Justin, this must've cost a fortune… And the rest of these…?” He gestured toward the smaller packages.

“Open them and see.”

A few minutes later, Brian had a handful of games to go with his “new” Atari, including Pac Man, Ms Pac Man, Frogger, and even International Soccer, which Gus seemed particularly excited about playing, as well as all the necessary adapters. As Gus rifled through the stack of games, Brian continued staring at the console, his gaze faraway, clearly lost once again in a memory of holidays past.

“The year I wanted this most was the year I quit believing in Santa Claus.” He spoke softly, and his voice broke a little at the end -- just enough for Justin to hear, prompting him to reach out for Brian’s hand. “I’d been begging my mom for it, even though I kind of already knew I wasn’t going to get it. I mean, I knew we probably couldn’t afford it, especially since Jack couldn’t seem to hold down the same job for more than a few months at a time back then. But when you’re in the third grade, you really just want to believe in the magic of Christmas, you know? So I started thinking maybe if I wished hard enough and I was really good, Santa would bring it to me. I remember waking up extra early on Christmas morning and sneaking out into the living room to see if he’d come, and finding that there was nothing there that hadn’t already been there the night before, and even that wasn’t much. And definitely not what I wanted. I was so disappointed, because I’d worked so hard. So I sort of gave up on ever getting what I wanted. Not just at Christmas but… all the time, for a while.” Brian paused and swallowed, blinking back the wetness that had gathered at the corners of his eyes. “It just never worked out for me. Then all of you came into my life… one, sometimes two at a time, starting with Michael and Debbie when we first moved to Pittsburgh. And you guys have taught me that sometimes things do work out. To never give up. You’ve shown me that time and time again. And this is just another example...” Brian took a breath, then let out a slightly shaky exhale. “Thank you.”

“You deserve all of it,” Justin said softly, his own voice thick with emotion as he squeezed his husband’s hand. “You’re worthy. I know it's hard for you to believe that sometimes, but you are. I love you.”

“We all love you,” Lindsay chimed in, reaching over to place a hand on Brian’s knee. “I’m just so glad we’re all in each other’s lives. That we’re all family.”

“Me too,” Brian whispered, the usual iron-grip he kept over his emotions beginning to slip even further than it already had.

Nods and smiles of agreement could be seen all around the room, punctuated by a sniffle or two as they all got caught up in the emotion of the moment.

“I love you, Dad.” Gus got up from his position on the floor and perched on the arm of the couch, wrapping his arms around Brian. “Merry Christmas.”

One by one, the others joined in, until they were all gathered around, sharing a warm embrace, and the love of family.

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