Chapter 4: To Do the Unthinkable

The Past

“What are you doing here?” Shara asked looking in the face of one Jack Kinney.

“You told her! You told her, how could you do that Shar?” he asked angrily.

“How could I not? She and I had become friends. She told me things about you, things that I had to find out for myself and then meeting you. When i met you, you seemed like a completely different person. I gave you my body and I shouldn’t have. I’m a married woman.”

“Not happily. You said so yourself.

“That’s not the point! I stood up and took vows, and gave myself to him in the house of the lord. You did the same thing. I met her in a time of grieving. I knew you both were grieving and i played on that. I deserve to lose my job for what i’ve done.”

“You haven’t done anything yet, what you are thinking of doing now is the wrong thing.”

“What other choice do i have, i can’t take home a baby to my husband. I can’t take home your baby to my husband!”

“All the times that we were together, you kept asking if i were ashamed of you. Would i walk the streets with you? I told you that i would, everyday, I’d gladly take your hand and make you my wife. I’ll leave Joan”

“No, you can’t.”

Now

Shara Cross sat at her kitchen table reading the obituary of one Joan Kinney. She had just died the day before, her obituary was already in the paper. It was a hard read, apparently after she had left where she previously lived she gave up on her career. It was probably Jack’s doing, he probably told her she had to stay home with the children. She knew in a way that she wanted that, she had wanted to have two kids, and then she’d leave work, and stay home and raise them. She wanted to be a good mom, but she was cold at times, and she was apart of that reason. She didn’t want to be happy that her old friend was dead, but she knew that if she was dead that before the week was out Brian would know the truth, and he’d hate her.

“What has you looking sad?” her daughter asked.

“Joan Kinney passed.” she sighed.

“Oh my God mom!” she cheered hugging her mother.

“Wilhelmina Barnes, we will not celebrate the fact that a woman is dead!” she scolded her daughter.

“Mom it’s all about to be over. Jack wanted him to know before he died, and she didn’t tell him. She’s religious she took it to the grave. Soon everyone will know how she stole your son!”

Shara smiled at her daughter. She had grown up being told one thing and now she too was going to know the truth. The truth about the night she did the unthinkable.

Flashback

Joan was holding it in. She would not let this man see her cry. She wouldn’t let him see how he was breaking her yet again. He always acted as if she didn’t miss Brian too. He was just as much a part of her as him, but she had had done the right thing. She had been to the counseling, and that’s where she had almost been convinced to leave him. That maybe he truly was what they call a toxic relationship, and she would have been off better to just cut her loses and start over with Claire. She had considered it, and she wasn’t going to be alone when she did it. She had made a great friend, and she wasn’t going to be alone, but she remembered the bible, and her vows and decided to stay. She had forgiven Jack for his betrayal, he had told her of the affair, but not with whom, and they were going to work through this, but now he wouldn’t give her what was missing in her life, all she wanted was a baby.

“So are you just not going to talk to me?” Jack asked.

She was about to let him have it, but when she looked up she noticed a very nervous Shara standing in their driveway. She wouldn’t come and tell what she was going to do now that she changed her mind, would she?

“Shara what are you doing here?” she asked calmly trying to hide her uneasiness.

“Shar, what is the meaning of this?” Jack asked in anger.

Joan took that moment to look at him, to look at them.

“No Jack you wouldn’t, Shara after what i told you, you wouldn’t right?” she asked in disbelief.

“Can it Joan! He knows that i told you, just stop it. We all have lied enough, he knows that i told you about the two of us.

“I just met with him that once, when you asked me to talk to him about his grief. We talked the whole night, and i just didn’t see the man that you described. I’m telling you that I didn’t mean for it to happen. Jack is a good man Joan, he really is.”

“Of course you didn’t, he wouldn’t show you that person. He wanted to fuck you so he turned on his charm I’m sure, what do you want?” Joan asked clearly upset.

Jack could feel the tightness of his chest, because he knew what was happening. She was going to show Joan the children. She had come to destroy his life.

“We have a problem.” she stated sitting the matching car seats at her feet.

At that very moment Joan didn’t care what they had to discuss she was awestruck. At her feet sat what had to be the two most beautiful babies she had seen in the longest time. One had sweet caramel skin, and her eyes were closed so she couldn’t tell the color, but when she smiled she had dimples that she just wanted to stick her fingers in. She was so beautiful, and of course she saw Shara’s coloring, but she saw Jack, this was Jack’s child. She was bringing her Jack’s children. She was a forgiving woman, and now she was getting her prize.

“We’ll take them.” she stated.

“What?” Shara asked.

“I’m no fool, your husband found out and now he doesn’t want to be reminded of how you slipped. I totally understand. Having to have them in your house as a reminder of what happened will forever haunt him whenever he looks at them. Don’t worry Shara, I will take them, and I will be the best mother they have ever had, and we’ll tell them of you and your sacrifice.” she smiled pulling the curls from the girl’s forehead.

“My sacrifice?” she questioned.

“That is why you’re here right?” Joan asked confused.

Shara bounced from one foot to the other as she looked at the two people in front of her. They had welcomed her into their home, and she was supposed to show them that there was away to move on after they had lost their son, but she was just destroying the little bit of stability that they had left, and she couldn’t believe what she was about to do.

“I don’t want you to take them.” she stated looking down.

“Oh my God!” Joan spoke in horror putting her hand ot her mouth.

“What?” Jack asked confused.
“Don’t you get it Jack? Your precious Shara has come to you begging that you take your son because he’s white!” she shouted looking down at the child.

“What?”

“She is tired of the stares right. People will easily believe that this little angel is yours, but they think you’re the nanny of him. Your husband probably can easily pretend that he’s her father, but when he looks at little Jackie here everything comes back to reality. You really are something else? How dare you think we’d take one and not the other? How can you as a mother want us to?”

“You don’t understand i don’t want to Joan. I have no other choice. What kind of life would he have growing up in our neighborhood. I love him so much, I want the best for him, and you know that the best for him right now is with the two of you. You could raise him as your own, and then when he’s older you could tell him about me. Maybe I could stop in some time.” she asked hopefully.

“No! If you want me to do this, you have to leave him and never come back.”

“What?” she asked in disbelief.

“You can’t just decide he’s not good enough for you because of the color of his skin, he’s going to make it harder for YOU, he didn’t ask to be born. You can’t just decide that you don’t want him today, and then think you can come back later. You leave, and you leave forever.”

“Jackie, do you agree with this?”

“I wanted to be with them both, I wanted to be with you.” he sighed walking into the house leaving the two women alone.

Shara didn’t know what to say to Joan, what could she say really? She had done the unthinkable, and was standing there wanting to do yet another unthinkable thing. She was giving Joan what she so desperately wanted, but she was also claiming him, wanting to keep him for herself. She just needed them to see that she didn’t want to do this. She HAD to do it.

“Can i write to him? I just want him to know that I didn’t want to throw him away, i want him to know that i cared for him?” she asked desperately.

“You can send him letters, but I decide when or if he sees them..”

“Okay. Just let me say goodbye.” she sighed.

End flashback.

“Mom i know that this seems scary, the thought of his rejection is probably overwhelming, but once you let him know how she just came and took him, that you and daddy were on a break and when he came to his sentence, and you went back to get him she wouldn’t give him back. They moved away, and they had documentation that proved he belonged to them. I’m still not quite sure how that worked out. How did they do that?”

“That’s a story for another time, what brings you by?” she asked trying to pull herself away from her current situation.

“I’m meeting Bianca for lunch over at Taylor Animations I think that’s what it’s called. She wants me to meet her boss. Apparently he is this big shot that turned down being extremely famous for love, you know how your granddaughter likes to dramatize everything. She’s really trying to pump me for information about my birthday, she is probably trying to figure out my gift.”

She noticed that she had been talking, but her mother wasn’t saying anything. She had been paying attention until she mentioned her birthday, but after that she was just quet.

“Earth to mom! I know what you’re thinking, and i’m thinking it too.” she smiled.

“What?” her mom asked alarmed.

“It would totally be awesome if he could come to my birthday party. He would be the perfect present, we could all get to know him, and maybe by his birthday we would really be a family. Well i just dropped by for a quick hello. You take care of yourself, see you soon.” she smiled kissing her mom on the cheek and exiting just as quickly as she came.

End Notes:

This Chapter is now in two parts because it’s much longer than I had ever imagined and it’s taken me forever to write it and I didn’t want folks to think that oh lord here she is starting another story and not finishing it. More a lot sooner than later.