~ The Next Day, Early Morning, Justin's Apartment ~

"Hello?"


I could feel my blood pulsating in my ears as he answered, and I had to swallow hard and breathe deeply to regulate my heartbeat. I swear I couldn't recall reacting like since I had received the call from Dr. Schmidt's clinic, notifying me that they had scheduled my top surgery for the 26th, only three weeks away.

"Hey," I managed to answer. I had to brace myself not to hang up the phone right then and there. I mean... his voice alone gave me a tingling sensation that I definitely hadn't expected. I was beginning to like my own voice by now, which has become deeper and lower with every month that has passed since I started T, but...this was Brian's voice. It made a whole lot of difference.

"It's Justin," I struggled to say, trying hard not to stumble or mumble.

"Oh, hey, how are you? Still fighting that cold?" He asked. I was shocked he had remembered that from before. Fuck me, this conversation wasn't getting off to a good start.

"Well, that's what I actually wanted to talk to you about," I informed him. Even though I was nervous as hell, for the first time in a long time I felt like I was controlling my destiny for a change. "It's not exactly due to a cold." I waited, holding my breath for him to ask me what I was talking about, and wondering how in the hell I was going to have the courage to explain it, but he prevented that from happening by interrupting me.

"Listen...I'm really busy at the moment; I've got this huge presentation coming up. Could we discuss this some other time?" He replied. His voice sounded so sexy in a raspy sort of way that I literally had to bite my lips to contain myself. Yes, I was SO damn turned on just by the sound of his voice, but I was also so fucking angry at myself. All my friends - at least those who knew about Brian - had encouraged me to go ahead and call him again, and I KNEW this was something I needed to do even before my surgery. But I was steeling myself to get rejected by him anyway once he knew the truth. Still, the way he spoke to me made me feel like someone was pulling the rug out from under my feet, or I was taking a freefall dive out of a plane. But I took another deep breath, determined not to let my fears get the better of me.

"I would really like to meet with you in person if you can. Maybe over lunch break or something? It's...I've got something really important to tell you, but I can't do it over the phone," I explained before I lost my nerve. Wow, it felt like climbing Mt. Everest, but it also felt liberating. "I'm gonna be downtown later today around 11 a.m., so I thought we could maybe meet after that. After all, I have to make it up to you for declining your offer a few weeks ago," I added. Oh, wow, I was on a roll. I decided I'd better stop while I was ahead, or I would scare him away, I thought, but then It felt like the flood gates opened wide, and I couldn't stop myself. It was such an adrenaline rush - like riding down the highest rollercoaster hill - but it felt fucking great.

"Brian?... are you there?" I asked when my suggestion was met with silence. Had he hung up, and I hadn't noticed? Prepare for the greatest anti-climatic moment of your life, I heard this annoying voice in my head saying. I realized I wasn't actually hearing voices; it just felt that way.

"Yeah," he answered after a few moments and I couldn't help but breathe out a sigh of relief. "Well, how about we meet at the Liberty Diner then?" he suggested.

"The Liberty Diner? Is that the one down on Liberty Avenue...in the gay district?" I asked.

"Yeah, you have a problem with that?" he asked, his voice growling like some fucking panther. Fuck, I was getting SO turned on I almost couldn't breathe again.

"N.. no," I stammered a little, struggling to explain. "It's just that there aren't that many diners that serve vegan food," I explained. Nice save, Taylor. I gave myself a virtual pat on the back.

"Vegan, huh...at a diner?" Brian sounded almost amused. "So you're some tofu nut?"

"Huh? " I answered absently, thinking I might have blown my 'cover.' Shit, I didn't want it to end. "Oh, you mean am I a vegan?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even. "Yes I am," I replied. That felt good. "And...I don't drink," I added. "Alcohol, that is," I felt the need to clarify.

"I make a point never to eat carbs after seven, but I could never give up a decent shot of Tequila or Beam every now and then," Brian continued. "But don't worry; they serve all kinds of food at the diner these days, even vegan. Plus, I know the owner, and she's really cool. I'm sure I could convince her to make a special meal for you." Brian's voice dropped at least two octaves at this point, and I literally had to squeeze one of the decorative pillows on my sofa to brace myself.

"Well, okay, then I'll see you there around one?" I asked, my voice surprisingly steady. "I'm not sure how long my appointment I have this morning will last, though, so I might be a little late."

There was a sudden pause at the other end of the line, leading me to believe he had ended our conversation, and not a moment too soon, before I lost what little control I was holding onto. "You still there?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm still here," he told me. "I was just checking my schedule for the rest of the day on my phone. I actually don't have any major meetings for the rest of the day today, so it's fine. I'll meet you there. Hell, I can even take the rest of the day off if I feel like it; I'm the boss," he revealed, just a hint of pride in his voice.

Okay, Okay, relax, Taylor, I kept telling myself. You've crossed that one hurdle. YOU called him to ask HIM out; well, kind of, anyway.

"Okay, later, then," I told him, getting ready to disconnect the call. But I stopped as I heard him speaking again.

"Wait!" he said, "Before you hang up...I...well, I know this might sound fucking weird, and you don't have to answer me over the phone if you don't feel like it." He paused for a second and I was literally about to freak out before he continued. "But...I just wondering, does this appointment you're going to have anything to do with... ya know, your overall health or something? I mean...you don't owe me any explanation, but I was just wondering, since last time we spoke over the phone you sounded a little off. And I know we didn't speak after that, but...there's still something I can hear in your voice..."

Oh, shit. What did THAT mean? I couldn't help wondering as I held my breath. "What do you mean? I told you about my cold." I felt awful lying to him, but I wasn't about to disclose what I needed to tell him over the phone. I felt it was important to see his face when I told him.

"Fuck, I didn't mean it like that," I heard him reply, sounding a little flustered. "It's just that I've dealt with some major issues in my family, and I've gone through some serious shit myself in the past, so I wouldn't something like that to happen to you..." His voice trailed off. I could hear the concern in his voice, making me want to reach out, hold him in my arms, and lock him into a tight embrace forever. At the same time, I was literally on the verge of an impending panic attack. I KNEW I had to take control of the situation again, or else I would crumble to pieces right then and there.

"Well...It's kind of complicated," I answered, biting my lip a little anxiously. "Sorry if I'm sounding vague to you at the moment, but you might understand it better once we meet in person," I told him. "But no life-threatening illness, or anything like that," I assured him. There, I was able to cross that obstacle as well. It might not be as monumental as climbing and crossing other hurdles that I was yet to face in my journey, but to me it meant something.


"Okay, then," Brian replied. "I'll meet you around one. Oh, and by the way, don't let Debbie scare you. She might seem crazy at first, but she's totally harmless."

"Who's Debbie?" I asked, trying to ignore the sultry tone of Brian's voice, but failing miserably.

"She's the owner of the Liberty Diner. You'll understand what I'm talking about once you meet her," he explained.

"Well, that makes two of us, then," I replied. "I think you'll understand why I wanted to meet you face-to-face later today, too." I could feel butterflies roaming around in the pit of my stomach.

"Hmmm...The mysterious type," he teased. "You certainly have my curiosity aroused now," he told me. "Now I can't wait," he added.

"Be careful what you wish for," I murmured.

"Meaning? " he sounded intrigued.

I sighed. "I'm really not trying to evade your questions, Brian," I assured him. "But I'd rather tell you more about it when we meet."

"Okay, later, then."

"Later, Brian."

"Nice talking to you...Mister Taylor," he then added, turning me into a complete puddle of goo. I could literally feel how my six and a half months on T pin was raising its head inside my brand new, black boxer briefs, sending alert signals throughout my body, but in a positive, life affirming way, and it felt great. Mister. Such a simple word, but it meant the world to me. If he only knew...

"Great talking to you, too, Mr. Kinney," I answered playfully.

"Okay, gotta go now," I said after realizing that he wasn't going to hang up the phone until I disconnected our call.

"Okay, yeah, I have some things to attend to as well here; see ya later," he eventually said; I could swear he had just been flirting with me!


"Later," I repeated, almost forcing myself to end the call.

Oh, my God! What just happened here? A thought flashed in my head, and once again I felt like I was watching myself in a made-for-TV movie or something, but at the same time it felt VERY real. I KNEW I had to stop doubting myself from that point on. I vowed to myself that I would try as I hard as I could NOT to engage in a game of ‘what ifs' in order to maintain my own mental stability, if I ever hoped to have any kind of connection with Brian, or let him into my life as I continued with my own ongoing journey.

As I was getting ready to leave on my way to Blake's studio for the last session of my tattoo - which couldn't have come at a more perfect time - I still wasn't sure how my meeting with Brian would unfold. And I obviously didn't know what would happen in three weeks' time on the day of my actual top surgery, but I KNEW that at least I wasn't going to go through this alone.