Morning arrived after a restless night for Brian.  His mind couldn't stop thinking about the kiss and the swift retreat Justin made from the mattress store.  In a long stream of consciousness, he toyed with the idea of waking up to Justin on a given morning, then waking up to Justin daily.  He envisioned outings with Justin and Gus, visiting all the places they'd laid out for exploration.  He thought about evenings spent at meetings but then also evenings spent in quiet repose in front of the television, playing games with Gus or just talking.  He thought about cooking on a regular basis with Justin as well as eating out, both at a diner and at a nicer restaurant.  He realized that all of his visions involved Justin.  He'd grown accustomed to having him in his life and found unconsciously and consciously he liked the idea.  

His alarm went off, marking the end of his dreams and visions.  Brian stretched and found himself stiff from lack of a good night's rest.  He remembered the feeling, waking up hungover and stiff from lack of sleep, but today he was not hungover, rather he was in fact very sober.  He thought about his mindset and what that meant for him that he was stiff and felt somewhat foggy without the infusion of alcohol.  So this is what people feel like when they have a lousy night's sleep.  I'm glad I'm a good sleeper.  He walked to the bathroom, blinking his eyes at the bright overhead light.  Walking to the shower, he turned on the water, thinking about having Justin in there with him, and smiled at that vision.  Shaking himself at his mind's wondering, he stepped inside the shower, using the hot water to wake his body into a semblance of functioning.  After his shower, he dressed, fixed a guava shake, and rinsed out the blender and glass before leaving for the office.  

He arrived at his usual time and made his way to Ted's office, hoping his friend would be at his desk.  He saw Ted was already sitting at his desk with a report open.  He lightly tapped on the door and Ted looked up, beckoning him to come in.

"Morning Bri,"  Ted said as he looked at Brian.  "You look a little rough around the edges.  Everything okay?"  He raised his eyebrows and motioned for Brian to sit in one of the chairs opposite his desk.  "What can I do for you?"

Brian glanced around the office and walked to the Keurig.  "I need coffee."  He took a few minutes picking out the coffee, filling the reservoir, and waiting for it to brew.  After it was ready, he placed cream and sugar in the cup and then brought it back to his chair.  

Ted waited for him to speak.

"Was Blake attracted to you when you were in rehab?"

Ted was somewhat surprised by the question, but said, "Yes." Ted thought he knew where this conversation was headed, especially after watching Justin and Brian together at Gus's family dinner.  

"Something happened," Brian said.  He wasn't sure where he wanted to start the conversation, so he let his statement stand alone.

"Something?  What something?" Ted asked, making a steeple out of his fingers.  He too found he needed something to do with his hands.

"Justin kissed me,"  Brian said, finally putting into words the event that his mind wouldn't let go of for the past 12+ hours.  

"Justin kissed you,"  Ted said, repeating Brian's statement.  He wanted to ask a million questions but refrained.  Brian had come to him and he was willing to take the conversation at Brian's pace.

"And then he ran out of the mattress store.  I bought the mattress and then I went out to the street, but he was gone,"  Brian said in a way of explanation.

"The mattress store? Why were you at a mattress store?" Ted asked, unable to think of a reason for Brian to be at a mattress store, let alone bring Justin with him.

"Gus' bed was delivered and we spent all day yesterday putting it together. When it was done, we went to buy a mattress.  I didn't buy one earlier as I didn't have a place to put it and I didn't want it sitting around the loft for weeks.  So we were testing out the mattresses and Justin dozed a little. When I asked him for the third time what he thought of the mattress, he woke up, kissed me, and said,  ‘I think we could sleep on this mattress every night.  Then he realized what he said, jumped up like a jack in the box, and fled the store."

"Okay, that makes sense."  Ted was glad that the reasoning seemed plausible and there didn't appear to be any ulterior motives. "So, Justin kissed you, and .... How do you feel about that?" Ted asked, not wanting to make any assumptions about Brian's feelings toward Justin.  

"I don't know."  Brian took a sip of his coffee and looked in the coffee cup as if it held all the answers.  "Well, that's not entirely true.  I mean I like him and my subconscious evidently likes the idea, if my dreams last night were any indication,"  Brian said, smiling a little at his confession.  "Honestly, Ted, I do not know the first thing about having a relationship. I'm still figuring out who I am when I'm not drinking, but I don't want to close that door.  Justin is easy.  Not like sex easy, I have no idea in that department.  Just that he is easy to talk to.  I like being with him and Gus likes him too.  We have fun together, but he grounds me.  He gets me to talk and figure out who I am.  I don't think he's only doing that because he's my sponsor.  If it was just about being my sponsor, I don't think he would have kissed me."  Brian stopped talking, having said more in this conversation than he expected.

Brian took a deep breath, trying to ground himself and talk in a coherent manner.  "I know you met Blake before you got sober and then when you went to rehab he was there.  How'd that work out?" Brian realized the question didn't really make sense since the two of them were together now, but he hoped it would be enough of a starting point to explore his questions.

Ted had never talked about his rehab with Brian or anyone but Blake, but since Brian was asking, he wanted to answer.  His time in rehab had been a painful experience and while his friends eventually greeted him with open arms, they did not ask about his stay.  They were just happy that he was no longer using drugs. 

"It was awkward and hard and stifling and confusing," Ted said, as he re-lived all of his emotions from that difficult time. He walked to the Keurig to make himself a second cup of coffee, composing himself, grounding his thoughts to the life he now led.

The coffee brewed quickly, one of the pluses for having a Keurig, but today it was almost too fast.  He took his mug back to his desk and placed it on the coaster.  

"We had met when he was using, you remember?  The first time he went to rehab, I dropped him off with the naive notion he would just stay because I asked him to.  We all know how that worked out.  A person has to be ready for change.  You've got that part covered.  No one told you that you should stop drinking.  Good for you."  Ted stopped and nodded his head in Brian's direction and gave him a small smile.  

"I was really disappointed that he'd left because I could really see what a great guy he was, but I knew that unless he got clean, nothing would come of my attraction.  So I went on with my life.  Fast forward a few years and I was in his shoes, circling the drain quickly and if I didn't change, stop using, I wouldn't have to worry about relationships since I'd have been dead."  Ted stopped again, looking at Brian to see his reaction to his words.  Brian was looking at him with interest, his body leaning forward indicating he was listening.

"When I saw him in rehab, I was elated.  My first thought was we could do this together, get clean, and move forward with our relationship.  But then I learned he was the counselor and he refused to pick up where we left off until I was out of rehab and clean for 6 months.  This wasn't a totally new relationship, we'd met previously, but he was insistent that we couldn't start anything until I was firmly on my feet.  Even six months was a little early for him, but I continued to go to meetings and work the program, and he was willing to give us a try."

"So six months is a good benchmark for...?" Brian asked, unable to finish the sentence.  He wasn't sure what he would label this potential thing with Justin,  hoping that Ted's answer would alleviate his apprehension.  The office was no longer silent as workers arrived, drawers opened to place purses and briefcases inside.  The muffled noise of the break room was heard as people gathered to grab their morning coffee and place their lunch boxes in the fridge. Brian knew he wanted to finish this conversation and decided that work could wait.  His future was on the line and his needs were important.  The thought surprised him as he was not used to putting his needs first, but today he was going to do just that, he was first. 

"There is no dating police, but the guidance is for a year. I imagine that when Justin realized he had feelings for you he didn't share the information, not wanting to cause problems,"  Ted said, understanding the conflict that Justin must be dealing with.  "We can't turn off our feelings just because the time isn't right."

"So did Blake have feelings for you when you were in rehab or did that happen later?"  Brian asked, trying to sort through the timeline.

"He had feelings for me before, but since he was so messed up, it didn't work out.  He and I have talked about it and he said he really wanted to be grounded before he started anything new.  So when I showed up in rehab, it wasn't the right time either.  We had to both be in the right space to move forward,"  Ted explained, hoping that he wasn't confusing the situation even further.  There were doors opening and closing and the sound of phones ringing could be heard in the background.

"Brian, my experience is not yours.  You have to figure out what is right for you.  While both Blake and I had addiction issues, we dealt with them in different ways.  Blake wasn't ready to stop using when I met him the first time and the second time we met I was not ready for a relationship.  Justin has been clean for at least a year since he was volunteering to be your sponsor.  There is a rule about that.  One of the few.  A person has to be sober for a year before they can be a sponsor and some people feel that five years is more ideal. You've been sober for a little over 6 months, long enough to amass some chips, but not a year."  Ted was trying to be both a friend and a sobriety expert.  

"So, you're saying that I shouldn't go for a relationship with Justin because I haven't been sober long enough?"  Brian asked, not really certain what he wanted the answer to be. 

"Brian, there is no sobriety police.  No one is going to slap your hand or not admit you to a meeting because you started dating before you reached a year of sober living.  On the other hand, if you do decide to see where this goes, you should definitely get a different sponsor.  Those lines should not be crossed.  That is probably one reason why Justin ran out on you last night."  Ted finished his coffee and debated whether he should get up and brew another cup, but decided the conversation was at a critical juncture and he did not want to interrupt the flow of the discussion.  

"So.... if I found a new sponsor, I could test the waters.... See if Justin and I work together when he's not my sponsor."  Brian said, mulling the idea around in his head.  

"Sure.  I just caution you, Brian.  You said yourself that you've never dated and have no idea what that should look like and at the same time you are still trying to figure out what you want your life to be like.  Be honest with yourself, can you do both at the same time?"

"If I don't take up with Justin and work on my sobriety, I might screw both of them up.  I mean he has been instrumental in helping me with this journey.  If I cut him out of the picture I'm not sure what that would do to my sobriety either."

"Come on, Brian.  I know you don't believe that you would start drinking if you lost Justin as your sponsor.  You've made so many changes in your life.  I don't believe you would just throw it all away.  Besides, if you start up with Justin, he'll still be in your life, just in a different role,"  Ted said, not really believing the veiled threats of doom.  

Ted watched Brian's face, seeing the wheels turn in his head as they often did when he was thinking about a problem or trying to solve an issue with a campaign.  He waited for Brian to talk, not needing to fill the silence.

"Thanks, Ted.  This has given me a lot to think about, but in the end, I guess it is really up to me and Justin.  I'll talk to him after the meeting tonight.  I need to review the file for the presentation with Happy Light,"  Brian said as he grabbed his coffee mug and walked toward the door.  

"Brian.  If you need to talk, I'm always here, 24/7,"  Ted said.  Brian nodded his head in acknowledgment and walked toward his office. 

The morning went quickly and Brian had little time to think about his conversation with Ted or about Justin.  It was Friday and he usually hit a noon meeting so he could pick up Gus after school.  He had mixed feelings about attending; on the one hand, he hoped Justin would be there and they could talk, but on the other hand, if Justin wasn't there, he wasn't sure how he would handle his absence either.  

He walked toward Ted's office and knocked on the door.  Ted looked up and waved Brian in, putting down the papers in his hand.  While the computer was a great assistance to his job, there were still times that holding the reports was more efficient.

"I'm working on the numbers for the new Happy Light campaign.  They should be ready for your review by late this afternoon,"  Ted said, looking at Brian and seeing his tense shoulders and stiff back.  "You're not here for the numbers, are you?"

"I know it is last minute, but would you like to attend an early afternoon meeting with me?  I usually go to a meeting during the day on Fridays since I pick up Gus. Usually, Justin meets me there unless he has something going on, but I don't think he will show up today and well tomorrow, we go together while Emmett cooks with Gus.  I just don't know if he'll show up and I really think I need a meeting right now."

"Uh sure.  Let me just save the file on my computer and we can go,"  Ted said, happy to hear that Brian recognized his need for a meeting.  He was slightly taken aback that he had asked him, but glad to be of service to his friend. 

As they left the office, Brian turned to Cynthia, "I'm going to a meeting.  I'll be back in a couple of hours."  He did not mention that Ted was coming with him, but Cynthia saw the two of them talking quietly as they left the office and she deduced that he was joining him.  She knew about his history, after all, she was Brian's right-hand person and knew all the company secrets.  She recognized that there was something off with Brian that morning and was happy that he was going to a meeting.  

As they walked to the car, Ted said, "I'm glad you are going.  I wondered if you would blow it off after what happened last night."  They got to Brian's car and drove toward the meeting.

"I'm not tempted to drink if that was your concern, but there is something about attending a meeting where you can focus on your sobriety for an hour that is really helpful.  I mean as a person in recovery, I'm always aware of the ‘next opportunity to drink' that might be around the corner.  Temptation can come from anywhere and a trigger can occur at any time.  That is why the meetings and writings teach about handling difficult situations and why we have a sponsor.  That sponsor is supposed to be there when we are struggling."  There was no bitterness in Brian's words, just a sharing of things he'd learned in his six-month journey.  He drove the car onto the highway and joined the ongoing traffic.

"You'd think that the traffic wouldn't be so bad in the middle of the day," Brian said as he saw the electric sign providing drive times to upcoming exits.  "Oh well, it gives us a little more time to transition to AA mode."

"AA mode?" Ted asked, not sure he'd ever heard Brian refer to AA in that manner.

"AA mode, that is what I call my mindset to attend a meeting.  I try really hard to put all the shit that goes on in my life: work, the hassle with the girls, and issues with my family, far from my mind when I attend a meeting.  I want to focus on the message in the meeting.  Justin and I talked about this in the very beginning.  In order to get the most benefit from the meeting, he recommended that I be 100% present at any meeting.  After the meeting, we talk, and then hopefully I can integrate the message from the meeting into my life."

"He sounds like a smart man. That is great advice.  Does it work?"  Ted asked as he wondered where the meeting was.  He would have thought Brian would attend a meeting close to the office in order to limit his time away from the office.  

"Well, I'm still sober after six months so I guess it does."  Brian signaled to get off the highway and they stopped at the red light at the bottom of the ramp.

While they were waiting for the light to change, he explained, "I know that I attend so many meetings for work that often the content of the meeting gets lost in the body language.  I tend to watch people, see how they are reacting to the storyboards, see if they are receptive to the message we are trying to convey, see how they like the artwork and the wording of the ad.  All the verbal back and forth is often secondary, the real message comes across if you pay attention to the other stuff."  The light changed and Brian continued his explanation.

"But with AA, I'm not looking at the people as much.  Sure, I look at the participants in the meeting, but it's different. I'm not trying to sell them anything.  We are all there to share our thoughts about what alcohol does and to get support from each other to remain sober.  The message in the meetings is more important than who is saying it. Even after the first meeting I attended, Justin and I went for coffee and talked about the message.  He helped me apply the message to my life. In the last few weeks, when the family dinner was confirmed, Justin and I have been cooking dinner at his house after the meetings.  He's been teaching me to cook. While we prepare dinner, we talk about the meeting and how the message applies to my journey.  It seems to work pretty well."  Brian turned into a small strip mall with a community center at the far edge.  He drove to the community center and parked the car.  

"We're here,"  Brian said as he unconsciously looked for Justin's car.  He didn't see it and was disappointed, but at the same time relieved.  It would have been awkward if Ted was there for the discussion.  

"I'm not the best cook, Blake does that, but if you want to talk about your journey, I am a great listener,'  Ted said, offering his services.  

Brian smiled and said, "Thanks. It doesn't look like Justin is here, so I guess I'll be taking you up on that offer, at least for today."  They walked to the meeting and went inside.  Again, Brian looked for Justin at the proverbial coffee table but still did not see him.  He wondered if he would show up tomorrow night.  He still had every intention to attend the Saturday meeting as Emmett would be coming over for cooking lessons.  He mentally shook himself, chastising himself for not leaving his concerns at the door to the meeting.  He attempted to think about the reason he was here and went to sit in one of the chairs in the circle.  

"Welcome, my name is Sam. Today's topic is dating and relationships."  

Ted and Brian looked at each other and Brian nodded slightly in Ted's direction.

"AA is not a dating service.  It's not a place to pick up people; however, that happens.  AA discourages dating in early recovery and we are not the dating police.  We aren't going to ask you your relationship status or if you are dating someone in the group."

"But AA does encourage socialization. Doesn't that kind of say that you encourage people to be friends outside of the group?"  A woman sitting next to Brian asked.

"I'm Caroline.  When I was drinking, the only people I called my friends were the ones I drank with.  I had a few friends that I used to hang out with, but when I got heavy into drinking, I alienated them.  Now, they are somewhat back in life, but they are leery of our friendship. So, naturally, I made new friends and my AA group was a great place to start," she said as she spoke to the group.

Sam said, "Sure, AA does encourage people to make new friends, and many people who attend an AA group become each other's new social group.  As I said, we aren't the social police.  But I want to talk about dating, not friendship.  There's a huge difference."

"I heard you shouldn't date at all for a year.  But that's fine if you have a partner.  What about those of us who are single? A year's a long time to be celibate,"  a man in his 20's wearing a long sleeve green henley asked.

Brian nodded in agreement.  He hadn't tricked in six months and while he'd never dated, he'd missed the conquest of picking up tricks.  The first week or so of sobriety, he'd had a few tricks, hooking up online instead of picking them up at Babylon or Woody's, but since that time, he hadn't even had a blow job.  

"True, random sex and picking up people is discouraged as well.  If you are working the 12 steps, you are concentrating on your recovery, and oftentimes sex moves to the back burner,"  Sam said.

Brian again nodded his head in agreement.  Last night was the first time he could remember in a long time that he dreamed of any sexual activity and that had Justin as the leading role in his subconscious.  

"Having a partner in early sobriety is not the same as having access to sex.  Keep in mind that when a partner is drinking the other person is impacted too.  The non-drinking partner often pulls away from the relationship in an attempt to protect themselves.  It often takes a while for the person's partner to trust them again and for them to rebuild their relationship.  The partner often benefits from Al-Anon to help them work through their own issues.  Like we've talked about here many times, drinking affects not only the addicted person but also their family.  It is an equal opportunist,"  Sam said.  He looked around the circle, noting how many members wore wedding bands and how many did not.  There were about 40% that wore a ring, but that didn't mean that there weren't more people in some type of partnership.

Brian said, "Until last night, I hadn't really thought about sex for six months. I've been clean for six months, so I'm a little ahead of the curve."  Brian smiled a little as he joked about being ahead of the curve.  He was always an overachiever.

The young man in his 20's said, "Six months. So he's gotta wait another 6 months to do anything?  That's wrong."

"I'm Calvin.  AA isn't the sex or dating police.  He's got to decide if he's ready to do something about his thoughts.  Just because we have thoughts doesn't mean we have to act on them.  I mean, come on man, who hasn't thought about drinking?  I bet we all think about drinking, but we don't.  So thinking and doing are very different."  

Sam said, "Calvin, you brought a really good point.  Thinking about something and doing it are very different.  Of course, having said that, I'm not advocating celibacy but I'm not advocating going out and having sex either.  Every person has to decide what is best for them.  I do want to end with a few cautions. 

1st-  Be very careful if you decide to start a relationship in early recovery.  Early recovery is being sober less than a year.  

2nd-  Talk to your sponsor about your thoughts.  They are there to help you in your journey and want to see you succeed.

3rd- Sex and or relationships can be just as addictive as drinking.  Be sure you are not swapping out drinking with another addiction - a new relationship or sex.  The start of a new relationship is always its own natural high.

Our time today is over.  Have a good weekend and remember, there is a meeting somewhere whenever you need it."  

Brian listened to all the members but didn't say anything to Ted.  They walked out to the car and drove in silence for the first ten minutes.  

"How long did Blake wait before he reached out to you?"

"Bri, just because Blake and I did it one way doesn't mean you have to follow in our footsteps," Ted said, not wanting to give Brian a specific path to follow.  He hesitated to add more to his answer, but after a few moments added, "I wanted to date him as soon as I got out of rehab, but he said he wouldn't do that.  He told me he wanted me to be on my feet and on the road toward sobriety before he would start something.  I think it was at least six months before I reached out again and maybe a little while after that we started hanging out together."

"Justin says there is no syllabus in AA.  You don't get to mark a checkbox when you finish a task.  I guess this is one of those things that can occur at any time,"  Brian said, sharing one of Justin's more common rules.  Brian watched as the semi-truck in front of him slowed down.  Brain slowed his pace as well, keeping a good distance behind the truck.  He tried to see around the truck but could not ascertain why the slow down was happening.  

"That is a good way to look at it.  Sobriety is not linear.  Some people aren't ready to start a relationship for five years while others can think about it after six months,"  Ted said as he watched the traffic on the highway.  

"You hung out before you started dating.  What the hell does that mean?" Brian asked in his no excuse, no regret voice.  Brian was still searching for Ted's permission to move forward, but he would not ask for it.

"It means that we took the physical side of a relationship off the table.  We were obviously physically attracted to each other.  We knew that from the first time we tried to get together.  We both knew that wasn't a concern.  We needed time to explore who we would be in a relationship with each other."

"And how long did that take?"

"Brian, relationships are not linear.  You don't meet someone and say, okay we will hang out for x number of months and then I'll sleep with you.  The sex part just comes as a natural extension of your feelings."

Brian listened without comment, wishing Justin and he was having this conversation rather than he and Ted.  But, of course, if he were having it with Justin....That is why he was having it with Ted.  He needed to figure this out before he talked to Justin.  

"Sex is sex," Brian said as he immediately thought of his former life.  "But you know we had a similar conversation at a meeting.  I think it was early on and I was still fighting the tricking thing.  I hadn't tricked much, if at all, but the notion that I would go this long without sex was just too difficult to wrap my head around.  I remember telling the group that sex was different for gay guys.  It means nothing, just a way to get my rocks off.  A lot of the members disagreed and pushed me to think about how I might be using sex as another addiction.  Do you think that could be the case?  I mean sex as an addiction?'  Brian asked Ted.  Ted was his friend and he'd known him a long time.  While he wasn't Justin, Ted probably knew him better than anyone else, even Lindsay.  Lindsay didn't necessarily approve of his frequent tricking but accepted it as part of his personality.  

"Brian, I think the members might have been right.  While gay guys do pick up tricks, to you it appeared more of conquest, the thrill of the hunt, rather than the need for intimacy.  Sure, gay guys look at anonymous sex differently, but there are a lot of us who just want to find a partner that we can be with for the long haul,"  Ted said.  He saw they were getting off the highway at the next exit and wanted to finish the conversation before they returned to work.  He really didn't want Brian to toss these ideas all afternoon in his head.  

"Brian.  Let's grab a bite before we go back.  I think we need to finish our conversation away from the office."

Brian looked at Ted and nodded his head.  "Sounds good.  There is a diner at the end of the street when we get off the highway.  It should be far enough away from Liberty Diner to serve our purposes."  Brian pulled into the diner and turned off the car.  

They seated themselves and pulled out the menu from the menu holder at the edge of the table, each man pursuing the menu and deciding what to order.  The waitress came over and took their order.

"So what does all this mean for Justin and me?  We know each other pretty well.  He's been my sponsor for over six months.  He knows all about the crap that I've been dealing with,"  Brian said as the waitress brought them a pot of coffee.  

"There's more to you than ‘all the crap'.  Does he know about your childhood?  Does he know about your gym obsession?  Does he know about your clothing obsession?  Does he know what you like to do in your spare time?  What about college and how you met Lindsay and came to be Gus's dad?  Does he know those things or is it just the triggers and thoughts about your drinking?"  Ted asked, trying to hit on a variety of topics that he thought Brian would have kept to himself.

"Yes. He knows about all those things.  All of those things have impacted my drinking so we have talked about them at some point in the last six months,"  Brian said, pleased that he had been able to answer yes.  His answer gave him a boost in confidence that maybe this thing with Justin could work.

"Okay.  So I'll ask the reverse.  Can you answer the same about his childhood or what he likes to do in his spare time?  Do you know about his past relationships or friendships?  Since I don't know Justin I can't really ask specifics about things he has or hasn't told you,"  Ted asked, trying to see how much Justin had really become his friend, beyond his role as a sponsor.  There was nothing wrong with that approach as he and Blake had gone that route.  The difference was that Ted had gone through a formal rehab program and Brian had attended AA.  Ted had completed his initial treatment away from Blake.  By the same token, so had Justin.  It wasn't like they were both new to the program and were starting to date, so he wasn't sure that Brian wasn't right in his feelings. 

"I can answer some of those questions.  Are you trying to make a point here?" Brian was getting fidgety.  He picked up several creamers and began to make a row of them on the table.  He swept them up and redid the row several times.

"Brian, I'm not the judge or jury.  You haven't done anything wrong.  Bottom line Brian is whatever you decide to do, he can't or shouldn't be your sponsor anymore.  If things don't work out, you might be tempted to drink.  If he is still your sponsor, you have no one to call or reach out to.  Having that lifeline is critical to your success.  You can't be wondering what Justin would do or say if you said something that would jeopardize your sobriety.  You can't be tempted not to talk to him if you think he wouldn't approve.  Relationships are landmines and you have to trust the other person." Ted poured himself a second cup of coffee, grabbing one of the creamers that Brian had placed in an imaginary Maginot line.  

"I do trust him.  But.... "

"But...What?  You can talk to me.  But what, Brian.  What is going through that brain of yours?"  The waitress brought their food, warning them that the plates were hot.

"I don't want to ruin anything. Gus really likes him and I really enjoy spending time with him.  And of course, I've never dated in my life.  What the hell does that look like?"

"Brian, I appreciate you talking to me about your fears and I know I said I was always available.  That hasn't changed, but you have to talk to Justin.  Ultimately, the decision is between the two of you."

Brian nodded his head, picked up his fork, and stabbed a piece of lettuce. "I guess you're right.  I'm not sure when that will happen.  I have to pick up Gus today and then we are doing our thing tomorrow.  Tomorrow night, I'm hitting a meeting while Emmett does his cooking thing with Gus.  Maybe, he'll come to the meeting tomorrow and we can talk afterward.  Otherwise, I think it will be at least Sunday."

"Brian, there is no timeline.  No one is closing the door to your opportunity.  If you don't talk to him for three weeks, the cat is out of the bag, as it were.  I'm hoping it will be sooner than three weeks, but if it is not, you will have had that much more time to think it over,"  Ted said as he bit into his hamburger, surprised at how good it actually tasted.  He was so used to the diner food at Liberty Diner that he was always surprised when diner food was good.  

"Okay.  I guess you're right.  I just don't like feeling so unsettled,"  Brian admitted as he took another bite of his salad.

"There is nothing that says you can't be the one to reach out.  I know you have his number,"  Ted said.

"True.  I'll think about it.  I guess before I reach out I need to figure out what I want to do."  

"That would be advisable.  But Brian, don't close any doors before you talk with Justin.  The kiss may have meant nothing and you might be taking your thoughts too far." Ted advised, even though he knew that Brian was contemplating a relationship.  He wondered what Justin's take on the situation was.  Just because he did not show up today at the meeting, didn't mean that he was for or against changing the dynamics of their relationship.  

Nothing more was said on the topic and they finished their meal discussing Kinnetic business and Ted's upcoming trip to New York.  Brian paid for the meal and they returned to the office.  Since they had stopped for lunch, there was only about an hour left before Brian had to leave to pick up Gus.  Brian spent the hour reviewing his emails and gathering the information on a few files so he could work on them over the weekend.  

His phone alarm went off just as he had put the last file in his briefcase.  He shut down his computer and said goodbye to Cynthia.  He walked toward Ted's office and popped his head in the doorway.

"I'll let you know how things go over the weekend.  I may be calling you if I need anything,"  Brian said, reminding Ted of his earlier offer.

"I'm here for you, Brian.  I hope you have a good weekend."

Brian drove to Gus' school and it dawned on him that Gus did not know the bed had arrived and he would have a new loft bed to sleep in.  Brian's excitement over Gus' reaction stopped his thinking about Justin.  He couldn't wait for Gus to see his new bed.  Of course, he was a little worried that his and Justin's construction skills would be put to test, but since they had tested the bed by pulling and pushing it multiple ways, he was fairly certain everything would be fine. 

He picked Gus up and they stopped at the grocery store to pick up food for the weekend.  Brian didn't mention the bed, wanting to see Gus' face when he walked into the room  

He remembered that the mattress was supposed to be delivered after 5:00 today.  He couldn't believe that it had been less than 24 hours since Justin kissed him.  It seemed like a lot longer.  He wondered if Justin was struggling with the ramifications of the kiss like he was. He pushed thoughts of Justin out of his mind and concentrated on the conversation that Gus and he was having as they drove home.  

"Dad, what are we doing this weekend?  Is Justin joining us?  I think we talked about going back to the art museum since there is a new photography exhibit that he thought I'd like,"  Gus asked Brian as they were unloading the groceries from the car.  

Brian was caught off guard.  He was not sure what Justin's plans were and didn't want to assume anything, but he did not want to share the situation with Gus.  He said, "I'm not sure.  I didn't have time to catch up with him today."  While this was not technically a lie, it was not the whole truth either.  Brian had learned that the closer you are to the truth, the more convincing the answer.  "We'll figure it out in the morning,"  Brian said as he unlocked the door to the loft, bringing the groceries into the kitchen.  Gus put his bags on the island and then dropped his backpack by the door.  He went to his room to put his duffle bag away and yelled, "Dad.  Dad.  This is awesome.  Why didn't you tell me that the bed got here?  You got it put together."  Gus walked all around the structure, admiring everything from the ladder to the individual shelves and desk.  I have my own bed and desk.  I no longer have to do my homework at the dining room table.  And now, there's a place to keep stuff here instead of carting it back and forth between your place and the mom's."  Gus said as he opened and closed drawers and sat in the desk chair.  He looked up and said, "Dad, where's the mattress?  Do you have a mattress?  I want to sleep in my bed tonight."

Before Brian could answer, the buzzer bell rang.  They walked into the living room and Gus pushed the intercom.  "Who is it?"

"Delivery for Mr. Kinney.  We got a twin mattress," the driver said.

"I'll buzz you up."

Gus and Brian opened the door and watched for the lift to get to their floor, motioning the delivery guy toward Brian's loft.  

"Can you put it on the loft bed?" Brian asked, hoping he and Gus would not have to maneuver a mattress on top of the bed.

"Sure.  Where's the bed?"

Brian directed him to the bed and he tore off the protective plastic, placing the mattress firmly in the area.  "There you go."

Brian pulled out his wallet and gave the driver a tip and walked him out to the living room.  "Thanks."

When Brian returned, Gus had taken off his shoes and was climbing the ladder into his bed.  Scrambling up the ladder, he was on top of the bed in less than 10 seconds.  

"Well?  Do you like it?"  Brian asked.

"It's awesome.  I can see the mural from this height and it's even better than I imagined. Thank you, Dad.  I can't wait to thank Justin too,"  Gus said.

Brian said, "I guess we better start on dinner unless we are planning on letting all the chicken we bought go to waste."  Brian waved his hand toward the kitchen.

Gus climbed down from his bed and joined Brian in the kitchen where they made dinner.  They ate and talked about the week.  Gus told his Dad about the new unit they were studying in school on the old masters.  He said he couldn't wait to talk to Justin about his opinion of the painters.  They talked about their plans for the weekend and decided on holding off on the museum until they knew if Justin was going to join them.  Brian didn't have the heart to tell Gus that he didn't know if Justin would ever join them again, but in the back of his mind, he kept putting that thought to the back of his mind, preferring to see a future where he had Justin in his life.  

They cleaned the dishes and then sat down to look at the list, deciding where to go tomorrow.  They decided on the Science Center as they had just opened a new exhibit a few days ago and Gus remembered thinking that it would be fun to see.

It was getting late and Gus was starting to yawn.  Brian suggested he get ready for bed and Gus didn't argue.  "I get to sleep in my new bed.  I can't wait to tell my friends all about it on Monday."  

Brian was so happy to see Gus so excited about the bed.  He knew Gus was looking forward to having it, but his enthusiasm was more than he expected.  He tucked Gus in and then went out to the living room to spend the remainder of his evening.

He'd sat down on the couch when the buzzer rang, announcing a person who wanted entrance.  He wasn't expecting anyone and was tempted to not answer it.  After the little tantrum Michael had thrown, he was a little concerned that it would be Michael asking yet again to go to Babylon.  But the buzzer did not ring again and that signaled to him that it was probably not Michael.  Micahel was always inpatient and would most likely have continued ringing until the buzzer was answered.

"Who is it?"  Brian asked as he pushed the button.

"It's Justin.  I'd like to come up?" Justin said, hoping Brian wouldn't turn him away.

The response was a buzzer, Brian didn't trust himself to verbally respond.

Brian slid open the door, waiting for Justin to come up the elevator.  He smiled at the sight and welcomed the man into his home with a gesture of his arm.

As Justin walked in, he wanted very badly to hug Brian but refrained.  Instead, he said, "We need to talk."  He stood at the door making sure that Brian would agree to his request.  

"Come in.  I agree.  Sit down and I'll make a pot of coffee."  Brian said as he retreated to the kitchen to compose himself.  Ted told me to talk to Justin.  Well, Justin is here and he wants to talk.  No more speculation.  The rubber has met the road.