They paid the bill and walked out of the coffee shop together.  They walked toward the building where the AA meeting was held.  "So do you go to meetings every day?" Brian asked.  As Brian walked beside Justin, he surreptitiously glanced at the beautiful man and inhaled his unique scent.

"Pretty much.  In the beginning, sometimes I hit two meetings a day; one in the morning and one in the evening. It gave me structure.  You know, having somewhere to go."

"So that is common?"

"Finding something to do?" Justin asked for clarification and looked at Brian.

Brian nodded.  "Yeah.  According to my friend, Ted, I'm going to have to figure out a whole new life. Not sure how I feel about that."

"Well, that may be a little extreme.  I mean, sometimes you can't really change your whole life, but change is a part of sobriety."

They reached their cars and Brian said, "So where do I find you for tomorrow's meeting? If I'm going to do this, I guess I need to go to a meeting."  Brian smirked as he looked at Justin.

Justin took out the paper from his pocket and looked at the meeting schedule.  "What about the one on Washington St. It's in the Parc Bldg."

"You go all over, don't you?" Brian said as he mentally calculated the location of the meeting."

"Well, we don't want to go to a closed meeting and I know you said you like a later time.  Later works for me, so I chose that one.  Really, it doesn't matter.  You will eventually choose a home group and go there most of the time.  But since most groups only meet once a week, that isn't enough for folks starting out."

"Okay.  Tomorrow at 8:00 at the Parc Bldg.  I'll see you there."  Brian got in his car and watched Justin get in his car.  He thought about following him but decided against it.  He decided he was tired and would just go home.

When he got home, he showered and turned on the tv, catching a rerun of a James Dean movie.  He watched it for a while and then went to bed. 

Brian went to Kinnetik the following day and managed to get through another day without yelling too much at the art department and not threatening to fire Ted more than twice.  He left work, went to the gym and then drove to the AA meeting.  This was his fourth meeting in four days.  He hadn't gone to Babylon in over two weeks and he'd only gotten his dick sucked once.  He was beginning to question the whole sobriety thing if he was going to have to give up sex. 

He walked into the building and quickly located the meeting.  Looking around, he spotted Justin and sat next to him.  The meeting wasn't supposed to start for another 15 minutes so they had a few minutes to talk. 

"Hi.  How was your day?" Justin asked.

"Okay.  The art department didn't screw up the boards too much.  I swear I wonder if all artists are just so full of themselves that they don't care to listen."

"So you work with a lot of artists?" Justin was intrigued.  While anonymity was the backbone of AA, the reality of anonymity was somewhat vague.  People in AA often socialized outside of the group and frequently formed a new social circle for recovering addicts.  Last names in the group were not used, but if people socialized outside of the group, they soon learned that information.  The key was that someone could be anonymous if they wanted to be.  Attendees were never supposed to tell that they knew the person from AA.  The people who attended the groups came from all walks of life; some were professionals like doctors and lawyers while others were students, homemakers, and some didn't work at all. The common thing they all shared was that they all had an addiction to alcohol and wanted to overcome that addiction.  They all realized that they needed a village to do this and that they couldn't do it alone. 

"Yes.  I'm in advertising," Brian said, not wanting to share his connection with Kinneitk.  He wasn't really sure why he didn't want to say anything about Kinnetik to Justin, but it just didn't feel right.  Everyone on Liberty Avenue knew who Brian Kinney was, but he'd chosen to attend AA far away from that comfort zone.  He wanted to do this without his friends and the queer grape vine knowing. 

Justin took the information and filed it away.  Brian didn't appear to want to elaborate so he wasn't going to push.  After all, he'd only known the man for less than a week.  If Brian really wanted to work on his sobriety, he knew he would be spending a lot of time talking to him in the future.  There was plenty of time to get to know what made this man tick.  Since Brian didn't ask him what he did for a living, Justin didn't volunteer any information either.

"How's the coffee here?" Brian asked, comfortable with that innocuous question.

"Not sure,  I don't think I've ever attended this meeting.  I like this part of town and there is a really good coffee shop a few blocks south of here.  If the coffee is really terrible, we could go there after the meeting."

Brian nodded, not wanting to give away how the prospect of coffee with Justin was definitely on the list of things he wanted to indulge in.  He was trading going to Babylon for coffee tastings.  How lame was that?  Ted said he had to reinvent himself, but he would have never thought this is what he had in mind.  A banal conversation about where to go for coffee while trying to figure out how to convince the gorgeous man next to him to suck his cock.  There was something wrong with the universe when Brian Kinney had to convince a man to sleep with him.  Of course, there was something wrong with the universe as Brian was sitting here contemplating sex rather than having it. 

Brian stopped thinking about how pathetic his life had become and tuned into the meeting.  He really wanted to get Justin into bed, but it appeared that the only way to do that was to be clean for a while.  He had no idea what a while meant, but he'd made up his mind that wrapping his car around a tree was not the life he wanted.  If that meant attending a bunch of dumb meetings then Brian would do that.  Brian Kinney did not fail; he always succeeded. 

Today's topic was about anger and how it impacted people.  Brian listened and found himself identifying with a lot of the information.  He was angry and had been for a long time.  He was angry at his dad for using him as a punching bag.  His dad was angry and used Brian to channel that anger rather than deal with it.  He was angry at his mother for not protecting him from his father and he was angry at both of them for the neglect and lack of caring in the home.  Brian had not felt accepted until his teen years when he started hanging with Mikey.  Debbie had taken him in and loved him.  He knew he was screwed up but he never really put a finger on what the long-term anger was doing to him.

Justin watched Brian during the meeting.  He saw the man nod his head throughout the discussion and knew that it hit home for him.  Anger was a popular topic for AA meetings as anger was a strong emotion.  Many people didn't know how to deal with their anger and as a result used drinking to handle the difficult emotion. Justin knew first hand how he dealt with anger, flashing back to his ruined studio a year ago.  He too had a lot of anger.

When the meeting was over, Justin looked at Brian, "Want to try the coffee?" he asked. 

"No.  I think not.  Let's try that coffee place you were talking about.  I think all the AA meetings must get their coffee from the same boring place."

Justin stood up and Brian followed him out of the building.  They stopped at the curb. "It's about two miles down the road.  Why don't we drive?  You want to follow me or I could drive?"

Brian thought for about 15 seconds and said, "I'll drive myself."  He didn't really want to be beholden to Justin to take him back to his car and he still was a little leery of this whole sponsor thing.  This way he could leave whenever he wanted.

"Sure.  My car is over in the lot across the street.  Where is your car?"  Justin asked, waving his hand in the direction of the parking lot.

"Same lot.  There is a lack of good parking at most of these places.  You would think that they would try to have meetings where there was enough parking," Brian said lamenting the issue.

"Most meetings don't pay for the meeting space.  You may not have noticed, but they are in a lot of churches and community centers.  The church seems to recognize that there are a lot of alcoholics," Justin said as he walked toward his car. 

"That's the only thing they recognize," Brian said under his breath as he thought about his mother's overly zealous attendance at church to the extent that she neglected to keep him safe. 

Justin didn't respond.  He decided that if Brian wanted him to know the information, he would have said it out loud.  He filed this information in an ever larger compartment in his brain, labeled Brian.  "Here's my car.  Where's yours?  You can follow me."

Brian pointed to his Toyota a few aisles over.  "That horrible blue thing is my car for now.  I really need to settle with the insurance company so that I can get me a new one.  Driving that suburban box is ruining my reputation," Brian said, somewhat tongue in cheek.  He realized just as he said the words that his reputation was most likely the talk of speculation since he hadn't been seen in Liberty Avenue's fine establishments for 10 days.  Unless he was away on business or seriously sick, this behavior was unheard of.  He'd been getting his cock sucked on a regular basis since he was 17 and could get into the hallowed halls of Babylon and Woody's. He was sure that the gay grapevine was more than alive and well and speculating what had happened to the "Stud of Liberty Avenue".

Brian walked to his car, got in and spotted Justin's ugly SUV. Pulling up behind it, he followed him a few miles to the coffee shop.  This one was a small diner and it reminded him of the Liberty Diner but there were lots of male/female couples here.  As he sat down at a booth, he felt a small wave of recognition come over him.  If he closed his eyes and didn't focus too much on the voices, he would think he was in the Liberty Diner and that Debbie would be coming to their table with her garrish red wig, T-shirt with some thinly veiled sexual innuendo logo, and her ever ready pad.  A small smile came over him when he thought of that place, realizing that he thought of it as home. 

He reached for the menu and started looking at it, knowing before he even perused it, he would only be ordering a latte.  It was too late for carbs and he'd been held up at the office and didn't get to the gym.  Justin watched him wondering what got the slight small from his lips but didn't push.  He'd only known him for a few days and he already had him pegged as a very private man. Justin wondered how he was going to help him if he didn't start to share his struggles.  The waitress came and took their order.

"The topic tonight hit home.  I hit bottom when I was so angry that I destroyed my studio and several months worth of work in less than an hour.  When I went into the studio the next day, I realized I needed help," Justin said, hoping to get Brian talking about the topic.  He's seen Brian appear to pay attention to the topic, much more so than in previous meetings.

Brian looked at the beautiful blond sitting across from him and realized he was familiar.  He'd seen that face. "Shit! Your an artist."  Looking at the gorgeous man sitting across from him he finally put the puzzle pieces together.  Brian studied the man across from him and it suddenly really hit him why it was called AA.  Anonymous. 

"Guilty as charged.  But here we are just Brian and Justin," Justin said, hoping to get the conversation back to Brian and away from his livelihood.

"So you destroyed your studio. That must have sucked.  Were you drunk?"  Brian recognized Justin's defection, not wanting to discuss his history and gave him a silent touche. This man had balls, bringing up his failings and struggles but still trying to help Brian.

"Yes.  I'd had a show that night and enjoyed one too many free cocktails.  Truth be told it was more like a tray of free cocktails.  Evidently, I was ignoring my patrons and generally making an ass of myself.  I also told the owner of the gallery some rather unflattering things about his event. That was when my agent, pulled me aside and reamed me about my behavior.  He threatened to stop representing me if I didn't shape up.  I was so pissed.  No one had a right to tell me what to do, etc, etc.  I went to my studio and pretty much ransacked it.  In my very drunken state I decided that I could do what I wanted and if there was no work then he wouldn't have to make that choice."  Justin shook his head at the retelling of his story.  "Of course, he was right.  I was an ass and if I didn't stop getting drunk and being rude to my patrons and gallery owners, I was going to be blackballed.  Basically, a has been before I'd even really had a chance."

Brian listened to the tale, recognizing the kindred anger.  He questioned why he even asked, it was so unlike him, but this man sitting across from him had a habit of getting Brian to talk about things that he normally kept very private.  He jokingly thought that their was some magical spell that Justin had cast upon him, but decided not to question the situation too deeply.

"I've never destroyed a studio, but I imagine wrapping a car around a tree counts just as much," Brian said, some tongue in cheek filling the remark.

"This isn't a pissing contest of who has the best anger display," Justin said.  The waitress brought their order and they drank their coffee in silence for a bit.  "So you were angry that night?"

Brian thought back to the night, remembering Lindsay's words as if they were spoken an hour ago rather than 10 days ago.  "Yeah, I was angry. Lindsay started the conversation about me drinking when I had Gus. She was being holier than thou telling me that this was irresponsible and bad parenting, ad nauseum.  Then she moved to her ever-present talk.  My way of life was a bad influence on Gus.  I was setting a bad example for him by picking up random tricks all the time and never settling down.  What was he going to think when he was older.  Nag, nag, nag.  I left there and went to Babylon.  You know the rest." 

"So you wrapped your car around the tree when you left Babylon?"

"Yeah.  I was still really pissed.  My son is really important to me.  I don't want to raise him, that's their job, but I want him to know who I am.  But I lost control and wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.  Scared the shit out of me.  I've made that drive a zillion times and I know I've been drunk and or high many of those. My anger got the best of me.  While I don't think she has any right trying to dictate my sex life, maybe she is right about me drinking when I have Gus in the car."

Justin had finished his dessert and coffee and Brian had waved to the waitress for their check.  The conversation was getting a little too close to home and Brian wasn't sure he was ready to explore those areas. 

"Brian," Justin began, wanting to keep him at the table for a little longer.  "It bothers you that she might be right," he asked, hoping that he was reading him right.

"I guess.  I can just hear her WASP voice if she knew I was attending AA.  "Oh Brian, I'm so glad that you are going to AA.  I was really worried about you and I'm so proud of you.  Let me know if you need anything.'  "The bitch would pretend to be all positive about it, but in the back of her mind she would be plotting how to use my drinking as another way to keep Gus from spending time with me."

"Sounds like she wants you to get help?" Justin asked, not sure he really understood the comments.

"Lindsay is only interested in what is good for Lindsay.  She has her little vision of what life should be like for me and her ideal would be that the three of us, her, Gus and I would settle down and be the little family.  Pushing me to settle down is about her fantasy of her being my wife.  Of course, that is priceless as she is a lesbian and I like cock."

Justin listened and as long as Brian was willing to talk, he remained quiet.

"When she tells me I shouldn't drink when I have Gus with me, that is just her way to exert control over my life.  She knows that I want to spend time with Gus and she will use any little infraction of her pretend rules to deny me access to my own kid.  Lots of parents drink at soccer games; I've seen them.  They sell beer at the concession stand.  Who do you think drinks that beer?  Parents are drinking it and then getting in a car with their kids to drive them home.  I can fucking drink a few beers without her being all sanctimonious."  Brian's voice was rising as he shared more about that night with Justin. 

Justin knew he had hit really shaky ground.  Brian was escalating and if he didn't calm him down, he would head toward his normal coping mechanism, drink.  If that happened, Justin would have to start from the beginning and Brian would most likely start to question his ability to remain sober.

"You're really angry at her,"  Justin said in a soft voice, trying to soothe Brian.

"I think she is manipulative and I just want to see my kid. She doesn't have a fucking right to tell me how to live my life."

"Gus, his name is Gus right?"

"Yeah," Brian said, still filled with the anger at Lindsay for trying to keep his son from him.

"You said you were getting sober for him.  You didn't want to possibly hurt him if you were drinking and driving,"  Justin said, trying to get the conversation back on more neutral ground.

"Sure," Brian said, thinking how guilty and heartbroken he would feel if he had hurt Gus.

"So, let's focus on Gus."

Brian heard the words and took a few calming breaths.  He was still angry, but he knew Justin was right. 

"I couldn't live with myself if I hurt him."

"Okay.  So you are not drinking in order to keep him safe," Justin kept repeating the idea hoping to refocus Brian's mind on sobriety, not his kid's mother."

"Yeah.  Yeah.  Enough with the psychobabble for today.  I get it.  I'm not going to drink so I don't inadvertently hurt Gus.  I gotta go," Brian said as he started to get up and grab his check.

Justin stood up too, but grabbed the paper out of his back pocket, laying it on the table.  "Tomorrow....  "  The inherent question was literally on the table.  Where would they go to a meeting?  Justin held his breath hoping Brian was still on board with the program and that he had managed to deflect his anger enough. 

Brian picked up the paper quickly glancing at the times for tomorrow.  He mentally thought about his day and calculated going to the gym before the meeting.  He pointed to a meeting and wrote the address in his phone.  "That one will work.  How's the coffee nearby?"  Brian said, tongue in cheek.

Justin smiled; he had succeeded in deflecting Brian's anger and getting him to commit to another day of sobriety.  He hoped it was another day, but at least he had committed to another meeting.  "There is a gallery near there where I've shown my work.  There is an awesome coffee shop across the street from the gallery.  Of course, they have great coffee."

"Of course, they do.  See you tomorrow."  Brian placed several bills on the table to cover his portion of the tab and walked out the door.

It was 10:00, too late to work out, but not too late to go to Babylon.  He really needed someone to suck his cock.  He debated with himself for just a few moments and decided he really wasn't ready for Babylon.  Instead, he drove home, undressed, grabbed the ever-present bottle of lube by his bed and jerked off to visions of Justin.

TBC