To Have & to Hold Forever

This story is a sequel to "Sickness & Health, Good Times & Bad", along with other stories in the "Together Forever" Series.  You don't have to read those stories first but this story will make more sense if you do.

Brian and Justin are established partners, sharing custody of Gus and raising Brian's nephews as well as their own twins.

I don't own the original QAF characters just the situations I create.  No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter 1

On a beautiful day in early May, Jennifer was sitting at her desk in her real estate office.  She glanced at the opposite wall which had family photo displayed.  She smiled as she picked out the photos from the spring trip to Disney World.  Her thoughts turned to her two grandchildren that could be born any day now.

The ringing of her phone interrupted her musings.  The receptionist told her that Maria Foxe, another real estate broker, wanted to talk to Jennifer on line 3.

Curious about why Maria would be calling her Jennifer connected the call.

"Good morning Maria, what can I do for you?"

"Hello Jennifer.  I have to start by saying this is an awkward call to make.  I just feel that since we have known each other for so many years I thought you would want to know."

Jennifer frowned, wondering what in the world Maria had to tell her.

"Well Maria you certainly have my attention.  I can't imagine what news you have to deliver."

Maria took a deep breath.

"Earl made up a foursome at the club this morning.  When they got back to the clubhouse it was all everyone was talking about.  The thing is ....... Jennifer I don't know how to say this except straight out; Craig is dead."

Jennifer was stunned for a moment, she sat back in her chair, the phone clutched in her hand.

"Are you sure?"

"I called the store and spoke to Delores.  She is terribly upset but confirmed it.  Apparently she is the one who found Craig."

Jennifer was quiet for a few minutes while she collected her thoughts.

"Thank you for calling me Maria, I know this was a difficult call to make.  I'm not aware that Craig was sick.  Was there some kind of accident?"

"I'm sorry not to have any details but I thought you would want to know as soon as possible.  I'm sure you have some good memories of Craig but I don't think it is appropriate to say sorry for your loss so I'll admit I don't know what to say."

Jennifer smiled.

"I don't think there is a chapter for this in Emily Post.  I do have some very nice memories of Craig, especially when the children were young.  However you are correct there is no loss for me.  I truly appreciate you calling and letting me know."

They said good bye and Jennifer hung up the phone.  She sat there, memories swirling through her mind.  Her phone rang again and the receptionist told her another acquaintance was on the phone for her.  Jennifer sighed and asked her to just take messages for her.

Jennifer knew that Tucker was teaching a class but she texted him to let him know about Craig.  She checked her copy of Molly's schedule and saw that her daughter had no early class today.  She dialed Molly's cell number.

"Hi Mom.  What's up?"

"Hello Honey, where are you?"

"I'm at the apartment.  I'm working on a project and everyone else is out so it's nice and quiet here."

Jennifer took a deep breath.

"Well I have something to tell you. I wish you weren't alone."

Molly was immediately concerned.

"What's wrong? It's nothing to do with Justin and Brian's babies is it?"

"No!  I'm sorry to frighten you.  I had a call from Maria Foxe and apparently your father has died."

"Oh."

A shocked Molly was surprised when she realized she had tears running down her face.

"Was he in an accident?  I just spoke to him last week.  He asked about getting together this summer while I am home.  We made some preliminary plans.  He sounded fine."

"I really don't know any of the details but he was found at home.  Are you okay Molly?  Is there someone I can call to come and be with you?"

"Mom, I'm fine.  It is just such a shock.  Especially since we just spoke.  Are you okay?"

"I guess I'm like you; it is just such a shock.  I'm not sure how I should feel.  Obviously we don't have a current relationship but I do have a lot of memories of your father that are dear to me.  When you and your brother were young we had a nice life."

Molly smiled as she thought about her childhood.

"Dad was great at special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.  I honestly don't have a lot of memories of him and day to day things.  It seemed to me that he was usually at work and we were home with you."

Jennifer found herself nodding.

"That's true.  Craig was not really interested in day to day life.  He used to say to me that he didn't understand how I could enjoy the humdrum of everyday life.

Well honey, I'll let you go.  When I learn anything else I'll let you know.  Call me or your brother if you want to talk.  If you want us to come over to State College just say the word."

"Thanks Mom but I really am fine.  Let me know as soon as you hear about the funeral.  I will definitely come home for the funeral."

They said good bye and Jennifer sat there thinking about how to tell Justin.  She knew her son had lots of unresolved feeling about his father and now there would be no chance to resolve them.

Jennifer thought about calling Brian and letting him break the news to Justin but she thought that was cowardly.  Also breaking news like that would make Brian extremely uncomfortable.  Justin was already so tense and emotional about the arrival of the twins Jennifer hated to add something else on top.

She decided she should go and tell Justin in person.  Jennifer dialed the house number and prayed that Alice would answer.  Her prayers were answered and once Jennifer explained why she was coming the house, Alice told her she would be sure that Justin stayed at home until Jennifer arrived.

Jennifer gathered some papers into her briefcase, grabbed her purse and walked out of her office.  She let the receptionist know she was leaving for the day and why.

40 minutes later she turned into Brian & Justin's driveway.  One side of the drive was bordered by red rhododendrons which were in full bloom.   Jennifer remembered that Craig loved rhododendrons and had planted several at their house.  They never seemed to do well there which disappointed him.

She parked by the house, grabbed her purse and went up to the front door.  She had one of the few extra keys in existence, so she let herself into the house.

Alice looked up with a smile when Jennifer called "Hello" before walking into the kitchen.  They exchanged their normal hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Justin is still up in the studio.  He hasn't been sleeping well lately with worrying about the babies.  He had an early breakfast with Brian so he should be down soon for lunch.  Have a seat and I'll make us some tea."

The two women were sitting at the breakfast bar, chatting and sipping their tea when the door to the backstairs opened and Justin came into the kitchen.  He was surprised to see his mother talking with Alice.

"Mom!  What are you doing here?"

Jennifer walked over to Justin and gave him a hug.

"I got some unexpected news this morning and I wanted to come and tell you in person."

Justin got a worried look on his face as his mother took his arm and walked to the family room.  They settled on a couch.

"Sweetheart I had a call this morning.  Your father died.  I don't know any details but I thought you would want to know."

A stunned Justin sat back, Jennifer took his hand but he appeared not to really notice.  After a moment he blinked and looked at his mother.

"Well I sure wasn't expecting to hear that news.  Has he been sick? Was it an accident?"

Jennifer shook her head.

"I don't think he was sick.  All I really know is that he is dead and Delores discovered his body.  I am guessing he didn't show up to work and she got worried.  Earl Foxe heard the news at the country club and Maria called me at the office."

"That was nice of Mrs Foxe.  No one wants to make a call like that."

Jennifer nodded as she looked anxiously at her son.

"Justin, how are you doing?"

"Mainly I am just shocked.  I really had made up my mind that Craig and I would never reconcile.  He could never accept my relationship with Brian and Brian will always be a part of my life.  I will mourn the Dad I remember from my childhood but that man disappeared from my life when I was honest about my sexuality."

Jennifer nodded.

"I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or worse but I believe your father always loved you."

Justin shook his head.

"No.  I think he always loved the child that I was but not the man I became."

"You know Honey I think you may be correct about that.  I have similar feelings.  I'll mourn the man I married but he disappointed me in so many ways over the years that I can't mourn the man I divorced."

Jennifer & Justin were discussing whether Justin would go to Craig's funeral.  They were startled when the garage door opened and Brian emerged.  Justin got up and hurried across the room.

"Welcome home.  This is a nice surprise."

As soon as Brian hugged him Justin knew something was wrong.  He pulled back and looked up at Brian's face.

"What's wrong?  You're upset about something."

Brian looked into the family room at Jennifer sitting on a couch there.  He pulled Justin back into a hug.

"I am thinking that Mother Taylor already broke the news that I came home to tell you."

Justin hugged tighter and just thought about how much he loved this man.

"You came home to tell me Craig died."

"Yeah, Ted heard it from Craig's accountant.  Apparently Craig has been cooking the books and taking a lot of cash out of the company.  Simon just found out, he confronted Craig yesterday.  He wanted Ted to know there isn't much chance of Sunshine Associates recovering anything from our loan."

Shocked by this new information Justin pulled back from Brian who looked down at his partner.

"Are you Okay Sunshine?"

"Yeah, I'm good.  It has just been one shock after the other today.  Craig, an embezzler.  That doesn't make sense.  Does Mr Daily know what he has been doing with the money?"

Brian shrugged.

"It appears Craig's latest girlfriend has expensive tastes.  Simon also understands that said girlfriend is pregnant.  Sorry Mother Taylor."

Jennifer chuckled.  "Actually Brian, my dear, I really don't give a damn."

Alice just shook her head.

"I am glad I never met the man.  He sounds horrible."

Jennifer nodded.  "If it wasn't for Justin and Molly I would feel the same way.  I can't help wondering if I was just a fool to fall in love with Craig or if he really changed so much over the years."

Justin shrugged.

"That a question to ponder for the ages.  Want to stay for dinner Mom?"

"No thanks Honey.  I want to go home and show Tucker how grateful I am for him."

Justin couldn't stop the involuntary look of horror on his face.  Jennifer laughed as she kissed his cheek.

"You need to get Brian to teach you how to employ his no emotion face."

Jennifer gave Brian a kiss on the cheek.   "I know you'll take care of Justin.  I love you Brian."

Those were Jennifer's parting words Alice smiled at Brian's embarrassed blush and thought he wasn't always able to pull off that no emotion face.   She asked if they wanted her to feed the boys early but Justin vetoes that plan.

Brian announced he was going upstairs to change and Justin left with him.  Once they were alone in their bedroom Brian pulled Justin into a hug.

"So Sunshine how are you really doing?'

Justin leaned his face into Brian's chest.

"I don't know.  I told Mom that I had really given up any hope of reconciling with Craig.  It just seems odd that now that possibility is really off the table.

It's not like I feel bad or I feel a sense of loss.  He hasn't been a part of my life for a long time.  Mom and I talked about whether I would go to the funeral.  Molly told Mom she is coming home for it.  In some way I feel like it would be hypocritical to go; but maybe it would bring closure to the whole situation."

Justin shrugged and snuggled closer to Brian.

"If you decide to go; I'll go with you if you want me to go."

Justin pulled back to look up at Brian.     "You would?"

"Sure.  Actually I would be happy to go to Craig's funeral.  I can't promise I won't smile."

Justin chuckled.    "You are awful.  If I go, of course, I would be happy for you to come with me."

Brian said he had to change his clothes so Justin went over and sat on the bed.  When Brian emerged from the closet in his at home clothes he saw his Sunshine deep in thought.  He walked over to the bed and sat beside Justin.

Justin tuned with a smile.  "Could you just hold me for a while?"

Brian lay back on the bed and pulled Justin against him.  He held him close with one arm and used his other hand to stroke Justin's hair.  The hair stroking had a calming effect on both men.

Later Charlie was about to leave on the school pick up run when Brian & Justin walked into the kitchen.  Brian smirked.

"You are off duty Charlie.  Justin has decided we should go and pick up boys today."

The boys were surprised to see both Brian & Justin in the car when they got picked up.  After they dropped off Josh, Justin told John & Peter about Craig.  Neither boy was sure what to say except they were sorry.  When they got home and out of the car Peter gave Justin a hug and told him he loved him.  John & Brian stood by looking kind of embarrassed & unsure how to react.

Justin looked over at them shook his head & smiled.  He & Peter walked in the house arm in arm, with Brian & John following.

*************************************************************************************

When Jennifer got home Tucker was waiting with a glass of wine.  She gratefully accepted the glass from Tucker as he leaned over to give her a kiss.

"I'm not sure what to say to you Darling.  Sorry seems silly but I know this must be a shock to you, Molly and Justin.  I have dinner started so why don't you drink your wine before going up and putting on something comfortable."

Jennifer smiled and ran her hand down the side of his face.

"That sounds like a wonderful plan.  It's okay not to know what to say.  I'm not sure how I feel."

Once Jennifer changed she & Tucker made dinner together. After dinner & cleanup, Jennifer called Molly who was feeling unsettled; torn between feeling guilty for not feeling more sad that her father died and feeling angry for Craig never making more of an effort on their relationship. 

Both Jennifer & Molly were in tears before the call ended.  Tucker sat by, feeling helpless.  He suggested that they drive to State College on Saturday and spend some time with Molly maybe even ask Justin to go along.

Jennifer smiled and kissed her partner & smiled. 

"You are so sweet.  I think Molly will be okay.  She just has to work out her feelings.  Recently, she had a better relationship with Craig than Justin but it wasn't ideal.   After our divorce he was supposed to have Molly every other weekend.  I don't remember that ever happening.  Mostly he would take her out on either Saturday or Sunday and bring her home before bedtime.

Before we married Craig always talked about having a family.  Once family was a reality and not a daydream he seemed less interested.  He made more time for Justin when he was little but looking back he spent a lot less time with Molly."

Jennifer sighed and shrugged.

"Oh well, there's nothing to be done about that now."

*************************************************************************************

After they finished dinner; Justin escaped to his studio.  Brian oversaw cleanup, afterwards Peter said he had a project to work on for school and went up to his bedroom.  Brian challenged John to a game of pool so they went down to the game room.

Peter worked on his project for a while before sitting in his Papasan chair and thinking about a decision he had been contemplating for a couple months.  He got up and walked over to the studio door.

Justin hadn't really gotten into painting.  He pulled the expensive sketch pad that Craig had given him for Christmas out of a drawer, grabbed his favorite pencils and settled on the daybed.  He was a little surprised by a knock on the door.  Justin called "Come in".

Peter took a deep breath and opened the studio door.  Justin was standing by the daybed and Peter walked over to him.

"What's up Buddy?"

They sat on the daybed as Justin waited for what Peter had to say.

"I want to ask you something.  I have thought about this for a while and talked to John about it.  He doesn't really understand how I feel about this.  I have kind of had this in the back of my mind ever since Ron Townsend showed up.  I realized I truly didn't remember him so I've never had a father.

Ever since we came here you have been so great to me.  I feel like I can talk to you and ask you things and you always have great advice to give.  Gus calls you Papa, the twins will call you Papa.  I would like to call you Papa.  You are more than an uncle to me.  I know you really aren't old enough to be my father but I just feel like I want a closer connection to you."

Justin was stunned.  This was not at all what he expected to hear from Peter.

"Buddy, I'm not sure what to say.  I am so flattered and I do know we have a close connection.  I am sure John does not want to call me Papa!  Don't think it will be odd for you and your brother to refer to me by different names?"

Peter shrugged.

"John said that too.  I really feel like I want everyone to know you are more than an uncle to me."

Justin put his arm around Peter's waist and pulled him closer.

"I don't want to upset you but I need to think about this.  Honestly I don't think this would change our relationship at all.  I know we mean more to each other than a normal uncle, nephew relationship.  I need to talk to Uncle Brian about how he would feel about this name change.

I am really flattered and I know you have thought about this but can we revisit this in a day or two?"

Peter nodded.

"I think it is a good idea for you to take time to think about this before you answer."

Justin gave him a sunshine smile.    "Let's go see what Uncle Brian & John are doing."

John & Brian were still involved in their pool game.  Peter & Justin decided to play ping pong which they were enjoying until Brian noticed Justin start to wince. 

"Time to stop game time.  I can tell Justin's hand is starting to bother him."

Justin started to protest but the look on Brian's face convinced him this was a discussion he could not win.

The four of them wound up in the media room, watching one of Brian's old black & white movie.  As soon as the movie was over everyone headed to their bedrooms.

When they were alone in their bedroom, Justin told Brian he had to talk to him about something.  Brian assumed it was some new worry his partner has about the upcoming arrival of their twins; there have been a lot of those discussions lately.  He was surprised when Justin told him about Peter's request.

Brian had a million thoughts fly through his mind but the first thing he said was:

"Peter doesn't want to start calling me Daddy does he?"

The horrified expression on his Lover's face made Justin laugh out loud.  A moment later they were both startled by a knock on the bedroom door.

Brian went over and opened the door and was not surprised to see John standing in the hall.

"Sorry to bother you.  Could I talk to you both?"

Brian ushered him in and shut the door before sitting beside Justin on their bed.

"Peter told me that he asked Uncle Justin about calling him Papa, like Gus and the new babies.  He and I have talked about that a lot!  When we came here to live I kind of resented that Peter got so close to Uncle Justin.  I mean for a long time Peter came to me with any problems and questions, there really wasn't anyone else for him to go to.

When we talked about it, Peter told me that he liked asking Uncle Justin things or telling him about some problem he had.  Pater said that when he told me something or someone was bothering him, my first thought was always how I could solve the problem.  Peter liked it that Uncle Justin always thought about Peter's questions and talked it over with Peter.  Uncle Justin gave him ideas about how to solve problems or resolve issues, it was like Uncle Justin knew Peter could do things for himself.

Peter told me that Gus said the same thing that he liked to ask Papa for advice about things.  Gus said his Daddy always wanted to solve whatever problem he had but Papa always talked about stuff with him.  I think Uncle Brian and I feel like we have to protect people but Uncle Justin thinks people just need encouragement to solve their own problems."

Brian looked at Justin who looked a little pleased with himself and a little embarrassed by what John had to say.  He leaned over and gave Justin a kiss on the cheek.

John shook his head but smiled at his uncles.

"I have some nice memories of Dad but Peter really doesn't remember him at all.  I think he misses having a father or at least father memories.  I told him I thought it was silly for him to ask Uncle Justin about calling him Papa but this is really important to him.  So if the answer is no please break it to him gently."

Justin smiled and stood up.

"Thanks for coming and talking to us John.  I really appreciate it.  Uncle Brian and I need to talk this over.  I promise I will do my best to not hurt Peter's feelings whatever we decide."

John nodded thanked his uncles and went back to his bedroom.

Justin sat down beside Brian.

"So what do you think?"

Brian sighed.

"Well Sunshine, let's face facts.  If you tell the kid no, you are going to hurt his feelings.  There's no way around it."

Justin sighed.  "You're right.  It is going to feel a little weird but I guess I'll get used to it."

Brian chuckled and pulled Justin down on the bed.

"How about we try something else that is a little weird?"

Justin smiled and kissed Brian.   "Weird can be fun."

For the next 30 minutes there was a mixture of laughter and moans of pleasure in the Master Bedroom.

The next morning Justin was up early and the fun & weirdness continued in in the shower.  Brian and Justin had breakfast together and Brian left before John & Peter came down for their breakfast.  Justin was having a second cup of coffee.

Peter looked a little nervous as Justin smiled and said "Good morning".  The nephews joined him at the breakfast bar.  Peter sat next to Justin who put a hand on his shoulder.

"Buddy I want to tell you how flattered and honored I am by you wanting to call me Papa.  I want you to understand that I don't think what you call me will change our relationship.  I love you and your brother and am happy and proud to be a part of your lives.

I understand that this is important to you.  Of course you can call me Papa.  I do have to add that I'm not sure that in the long run you will feel comfortable calling me Papa.  I will love you just the same whatever you call me.  So anytime you want to go back to Uncle Justin that is okay with me."

Peter had a big smile on his face as he hugged Justin.  "Thanks Papa!"

John chuckled which earned him an annoyed look from his brother. 

"Sorry Peter.  That is just going to take some getting used to."

The rest of breakfast passed without incident.  Justin saw the boys off to school and when he got back to the kitchen Alice was just coming in the patio doors.

He brought her up to date on the latest family updates.  Justin was surprised when Alice had tears running down her face when he told you about Peter.

"Alice, do you think I made a mistake agreeing to the Papa thing?"

Alice shook he head.

"Of course not.  Anyone with a brain in their head can see that boy thinks the sun rises and falls in you.  I told you when the boys first came here that Peter just wanted someone to take notice of him and love him.  You first made a difference when you involved him in your Bloom Gallery business.  Peter loved that.

The icing on the cake was when you went up to the Academy after Peter got punched by that Harkins bully.  That impressed him and John.  The next day all Peter could talk about with your mother and me was how you stuck you for him, how you took on the Headmaster and the Dean of students.  Peter laughed and said those two men didn't know what hit them when you showed up.  Jennifer and I were very proud of you."

Justin smiled as Alice enveloped him in a hug and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You and Brian have been so good to those boys.  Charlie and I are proud to work for fine men like you and Brian."

Justin hugged Alice tight.

"You know that we all love you and Charlie.  What would we ever do without you?"

After their lovefest Justin went up to the nursery to put the finishing touches on the wall mural he had done for the twins.

************************************************************************************

Jennifer was working in her office when the receptionist let her know a Brad Taylor was on the phone for her.  Jennifer took a deep breath as she picked up the phone, she had never liked Craig's brother and after the divorce she hoped never to have to deal with him again.

"Brad, Hello.  I am so sorry for your loss."

"That seems hypocritical coming from you, Jennifer."

She quickly counted to ten in her mind.

"I'm not sure why you feel I am being hypocritical.  You have lost your only sibling and I am truly sorry for that loss.  I am sure this is a difficult time for you.

Molly talked to Craig just last week and he didn't mention any health problems.  We were all shocked to hear about his death.  Was there an accident?"

Brad waited a few moments before replying.

"Craig killed himself.  I feel you and your children are largely responsible for his death.  He was abandoned by you all and felt alone in the world."

"Oh my God.  I never thought Craig would do something like that.  I'm not sure why you would say we abandoned him.  Craig and I are divorced; he disowned Justin and as I just told you Molly talked to him last week.  They made plans to get together when she come back from Penn State."

Again Brad waited to reply.

"I am aware that you abandoned the marriage vows you made before god.  You encouraged Justin being led into a sinful life style by a child molester.  Craig tried his best to save his son.  I know he has tried to reconcile with Justin and try to rescue him from his life style.

As a Christian Man I can't condone any of your or Justin's actions.  Craig was trying to do his best as the head of the family but had no chance to succeed with you working against him.  My belief is that it all got to be just too much for Craig to bear anymore."

"Your brother cheated on me for years before the divorce.  So I think some vows were broken before I even thought of divorce.  You have bragged about being a "Christian" for as long as I've known you.  You kept busy supplying bible verses to justify every hateful thing you have said over the years.  What I don't understand is why supposed Christians like you never quote any of Jesus's teaching.  He talked about love, acceptance and leaving all the judging to God.  You are stuck in the eye for an eye old testament section of the Bible.  It appears to me that you are more Jewish than anything else.  I find nothing Christ-like in you!"

Brad sputtered for a while before getting himself together enough to formulate a reply.

"How dare you question me!  You who abandoned your child to a child molester who pulled him into his perverted life style.  I can't imagine what Craig suffered to see the mother of his son condone the destruction of his soul."

"Really a child molester?  Justin was gay before he ever met Brian.  Justin went to Liberty Avenue area to experience gay sex.  Brian was not hanging around the school yard offering candy for a blow job.  Brian brought Justin back to life after he was bashed.  They are in a strong loving relationship and I see nothing sinful about how they live their life.  This conversation is useless, is this why you called me?"

"I did not call to have this discussion with you.  You have always seen only your own viewpoint and refused to try and learn from others.  I called to ask you and your children not to attend Craig's funeral.  I am afraid it would make this even harder for my parents if you were there parading your fake grief.  I hope you will take their feeling into consideration."

Jennifer rolled her eyes heavenward.

"I have always liked and admired Janice & Ken and would never want to do anything to upset them unduly.  We will not attend the funeral.  For me it will be a relief not to have to see you even one more time."

Before Brad could reply Jennifer hung up the phone.  She decided to try and calm down before she called Molly and Justin to tell them about her conversation.  She felt shaken by the news that Craig had taken his own life.