Summary: Justin returns from working on Rage in LA and becomes depressed and must also face his largely untreated PTSD from the bashing. AU from 501. This series follows Justin and Brian as they navigate mental health diagnoses and treatment. Alternating first person POV with the focus always on Brian and Justin's relationship and their evolving dynamics - both as individuals and as a couple - as they navigate learning to manage chronic mental illness. Angst and Emotional Hurt/Comfort with themes of hope while challenging stigma around mental health.
Never in my life will I forget your presence. You found me torn apart and you took me back full and complete.
-Frida Kahlo
NOW COMPLETE!
Rated: NC-18
Categories: QAF-U.S. FICTION,
Angst With a Happy Ending,
Brian/Justin,
Canon Divergence,
Fluff,
Hurt/Comfort,
Real Life Issues,
Season 5,
Thoughts of Suicide Characters: Brian,
Justin
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 25
Completed: Yes
Word count: 124004
Read: 42640
Published: November 02, 2018
Updated: November 24, 2019
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
1. Chapter 1: Rage in LA by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (5421 words)
We begin in Season 5, Episode 1...what if Brian had visited Justin in LA? "About 4 years before Miley Cyrus had a party in the USA, I hopped off the plane at LAX myself." **************************************************************
This is my first fanfic in...more than 20 years. Thank you to my beta TrueIllusion - you have helped me immensely, not the least of which is encouraging me to put this out there. Thank you also to LaVieEnRose for the inspiration and vote of confidence!
2. Chapter 2 - Back to Pitts by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (4382 words)
This work references suicide and other violent thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts the National Suicide Hotline is 1-800-273-TALK or The Trevor Project Lifeline for LGBTQIA+ folks is 1-866-488-7386 or www.thetrevorproject.org for chat and text options
3. Chapter 3: 5150 by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (3305 words)
This work references suicide and other violent thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, the National Suicide Hotline is 1-800-273-TALK or The Trevor Project Lifeline for LGBTQIA+ folks: 1-866-488-7386 or www.thetrevorproject.org for chat and text options
4. Chapter 4: The Interview by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (4691 words)
This work includes symptoms of depression and PTSD. It is not meant to be used for diagnostic purposes. Only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose mental illness. If you or someone you know may be struggling with a mental health concern, please seek professional help.
5. Chapter 5: Walk Away by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (2877 words)
I'm just gonna be upfront and say this ends with a cliffhanger. I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow and I'm not sure how soon I'm going to be able to post the next part. Do what you will with that info.
6. Chapter 6: Left by ThatAj [Reviews - 4] (3201 words)
7. Chapter 7: You'll Never Know, Dear by ThatAj [Reviews - 5] (7741 words)
8. Chapter 8: 10 Minutes by ThatAj [Reviews - 0] (6371 words)
9. Chapter 9: Advice Unsolicited by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (4329 words)
10. Chapter 10: Of Dreams and Nightmares by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (5078 words)
11. Chapter 11: This is Not That Kind of Love Story by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (6979 words)
12. Chapter 12: Start Spreading the News by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (4598 words)
13. Chapter 13: In Just Seven Days by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (7418 words)
14. Chapter 14: Closer by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (3951 words)
Set about 3 months after "In Just Seven Days"
15. Chapter 15: Finding the Horizon by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (3929 words)
16. Chapter 16: Exposure by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (6424 words)
17. Chapter 17: Sharp Turn by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (5964 words)
18. Chapter 18: A Bridge by ThatAj [Reviews - 5] (8664 words)
19. Chapter 19: How to Survive by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (6076 words)
And...that’s 100K, In less than 6 months. I sure didn’t expect that. Thank you to everyone who has commented, left kudos, and otherwise encouraged me. The anxiety about sharing my writing is real and that has all kept me going.
20. Chapter 20: Text Me When You Get There by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (3018 words)
I figured our guys deserved some fluff (with a dash of h/c because I still have a soul).
*
I’m aware that in 2007 they would have been texting with T9. But for the ease of reading and writing and use of screen reader technology, I’m just going to type things out in English. Also, I was raised by an English teacher and the crappiness of T9 shortcuts in texting hurt me even at the time. So I’m also refusing to retraumatize myself. As we stroll down memory lane of early texting: do you remember locking texts? There was one I received about my butt in a pair of jeans that was locked forever and ever. They were very good jeans.
21. Chapter 21: All Along by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (5599 words)
So Michael’s POV, huh. I don’t know what happened but it just worked better for where I wanted to go with this. Let me know what you think?
22. Chapter 22: Family Planning by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (3491 words)
23. Chapter 23: Panic at the Disco by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (3754 words)
Takes place 3 years and change after “Family Planning.”
Part I of III, possibly IV.
24. Chapter 24: Lying in Wait by ThatAj [Reviews - 2] (4301 words)
25. Chapter 25: Checking My Pulse by ThatAj [Reviews - 3] (2442 words)
WOW so it’s been a minute. I last posted a week before I had surgery (I’m fine ) and I dunno, it’s like they cut the thing out of me and, with it, my muse. I have been struggling with this ever since and I hate to let you down but it’s not really not great considering all the time spent on it. I did, along the way, decide the end the series here. So it’s one part the conclusion of this three part arc and one part epilogue - a little something for everyone! - and all equally kind of shitty. But I had to post it because leaving this undone felt even worse than posting something I’m not thrilled with.
The title of this part comes from a spoken word piece by Alix Olson and also the title of the best music mix one person ever made for another person. The parts in italics are shamelessly quoted from that piece. Standing on the shoulders of queer giants.
