Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

 

March 20 – Child Birth Classes: Stages of Labor

"Guess what day it is!" Justin exclaimed as he practically bounced up to Brian, who was sitting in the living room going over the Aster Avalon account numbers.

"Thursday?" Brian asked dryly, arching a brow when Justin snuggled up to him; he narrowed his eyes and studied his far too chipper husband, wondering what the hell he was up to now. Because he knew Justin and this was just a prelude to something Brian was going to hate; he could tell just by the sweet smile on Justin's face.

"Ha ha, Captain Obvious," Justin deadpanned; he rolled his eyes at Brian's less than enthusiastic response and burrowed further into Brian's side; then he did that slow blink thing that Brian had always loved and prompted. "Guess again."

"It's March 20," Brian said, stating the obvious once again to get a rise out of Justin; because he knew the little twat was up to something and he wasn't going to make this easy on him if he could at all help it.

"You know, you're ruining my vibe here," Justin complained, jutting his lower lip out into an exaggerated pout; and really, it took everything Brian had in him not to lean down and pull that full lip into his mouth and suckle on it until Justin forgot about whatever mad plan he'd been concocting. But, well, the twat had gotten him curious now.

"My apologies, Sunshine," Brian mocked, pulling his lips between his teeth to quell a snort of laughter when Justin scowled; and then yelped when his bratty husband pinched him in the side in retaliation. He sighed. "Fine; what day is it?"

"It's Online Childbirth Class Day!" Justin exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with laughter when Brian groaned and let his head fall against the back of the couch. Oh, fuck no! Not those tedious things again. He lifted his head and let it thump back against the couch a couple of times, hoping that maybe, it would knock him out and he'd be spared.

"Justin…" Brian whined; yes, he fucking whined. But could anyone blame him? After the last batch of inanity, he didn't know if he was up to it again. He could feel his brain cells committing suicide just so they didn't have to process such nonsense.

"Brian…" Justin whined back, poking him in the side until Brian huffed, grabbed his hand and tucked it firmly against his chest. Brian tipped his head to the side, stared at a very smug looking Justin and wanted to run from the room screaming.

"Do we have to?" Brian asked, his reluctance evident in every line of his body; he just didn't see the point in watching a video on what seemed like common fucking sense to him. People had been having babies long before these classes were developed and they all survived the experience. Why the hell should they have to do it?

"No," Justin said with an agreeable nod; something that should have made Brian jump for joy, but he knew the twat better than that and he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. "I could sign us up for the actual classes at the hospital instead; you know, the ones with all the other good little first-time mommies and daddies? Just think of how much fun that would be. You could bond with all the hetero…"

"All right, all right," Brian hissed, shuddering at the idea of attending even one of those classes and making small talk with Joe fucking Schmoe about dilating and effacing and the ripening of the cervix and ick, girl parts. Fucking twat just had to remind him of this shit, didn't he? "Fuck, you've gotten mean since I knocked you up…"

"Gotten?" Justin asked, arching a brow; and well, yes, he had a point. Justin could be a right pain in the ass without all the surging fucking hormones; and pregnancy had nothing to do with his current favorite form of torturing Brian. That just stemmed from his natural brattiness.

"Point," Brian conceded, smirking when Justin turned to him with a suspicious glare. "You always could be a little bitch when you wanted to be…ow!"

Brian glared at his husband, and grabbed his other hand to prevent him from pinching him again; abusive brat. This is the thanks he got for being agreeable. He pinned Justin into his side and tickled him, smirking when he laughed and wriggled and squirmed until he finally managed to pry himself out of Brian's arms.

"You haven't seen anything yet," Justin snorted as he got up from the couch and walked towards the stairs that led to the basement. "Media room! Classes! Now!"

"Fucking twat," Brian muttered, but saved his place and shut down his laptop anyways; because he knew that the longer he stalled the more devious his brat husband would become. "Fine, let's get this shit over with."

… … … … …

What Happens to my Body During Labor?

Brian stared at the screen in bewilderment, wanting to know what he'd done in a past life to deserve this, and knowing that the twat sitting next to him just had to be pulling his leg today. Because there was absolutely nothing worth mentioning in this fifty-second video, if you could even call it that. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed and ignored his giggling husband, because what exactly had been the point to that?

Leaning his head against the back of the couch Brian prayed for patience as the voice of 'expert' instructor Edith Bradenbury from Baby Watch washed over him again; because of course the twat had to replay it because he missed something vital. Yeah, right. Vital his ass.

If only he could block this all out and pretend it was all a very bad dream.

"What's going on in your body during labor?" she prattled on, making Brian wonder once again who wrote these fucking scripts, because even his hungover New Year's Day self could have written better shit. "In a nutshell, your body does two main things to help your baby out into the world. It pushes your baby down and out with contractions of the uterus, the pouch-like organ that's been his home for the past nine months…"

"Remind me again why were watching this shit?" Brian huffed, flopping back onto the couch and covering his face with a pillow. Maybe if he pressed hard enough, he could smother and render himself unconscious for the remaining eighteen minutes of torture from this particular birth 'class.'

"If we don't, you will never hear the end of it from my mother or Deb," Justin said, poking him in the foot in an attempt to get Brian to pay attention.

But Brian had absolutely no interest in knowing about how the contractions helped to open up the cervix, (to which she informed them was called dilating; because he couldn't fucking figure that out on his own), so that their Sunbeam would have a way out of the 'pouch that was home.' And really? That was the best you could come up with? Un-fucking-believable.

"Can't we just skip it and say we did it," Brian whined, immediately scrunching his nose up that he pulled a Mikey; that really needed to stop like right the fuck now.

"Nope," Justin smirked, casting a sly glance Brian's way. "There will likely be a pop quiz at some point."

"You have got to be kidding me," Brian said, pulling the pillow off of his face to look at his husband with no little amount of disbelief.

"Oh no, not at all," Justin informed him with a grin; obviously still taking great delight in Brian's pain. "She used to do that shit to me all the time; believe me, I tried to get away with the whole skip it and say I did it route. She always knew and made my life hell for having the audacity to lie to her."

"Fuck that," Brian snorted, pausing to look at the screen in disbelief when the Edith told them once again that there wasn't a single, clear moment when birth began; didn't they cover this shit already? Jesus fucking Christ; this was a nightmare already. He turned back to Justin ad said, "I'm an adult; I don't have to do anything I don't want to do."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Justin snickered, looking far too happy for someone that was watching an absolutely useless and inane video. Asshole. "Please, do tell me when you're planning to tell her that. I want a front row seat; I'll even provide the popcorn."

"But we don't need to know this," Brian pointed out again; maybe if he mentioned this fact enough times, it would sink into his husband's pretty blond head and he'd stop torturing Brian with them. "You're having a cesarean."

"You think that matters to them?" Justin huffed, looking at him like he was crazy; and alright, the twat had a point. "Obviously you've never met our mothers."

"Why me?" he lamented, dropping the pillow back on to his face and barely suppressing the urge to scream into it.

"Hush," Justin admonished, laying a finger against his lips before he pointed to the TV screen. "We're getting to the interesting part."

"The end?" Brian asked hopefully, yelping when Justin jabbed him in the foot once again with his finger. "Twat."

... … … … …

First Stage of Labor: Early Labor, Active Labor, and Transition

Well, didn't that sound fun?

Brian huffed as Justin loaded the next video; he stuffed the couch cushion behind his head and prayed that this one wouldn't be nearly as painful as the others had been, but he wasn't holding out much hope on that. Even now, looking at the title of the video, he sensed that this was going to be another big, fat waste of his time.

Staring at the screen blandly, bored out of his fucking skull, Brian groaned as Edith stared out of screen and into their home with that calming smile that she always had plastered on her face as she said, "the first stage of labor has three parts to it: early labor, active labor and transition. But we'll get to these in just a moment, first…"

"Then why bring it up?" Brian huffed, mostly to himself, but Justin must have heard him as he shot Brian an exasperated look, then huffed and leaned over to flick his big toe.

"Hush, you," Justin said as he turned back to the video; Brian rolled his eyes and tried desperately to give a damn about what Edith was talking about, but he just couldn't muster any enthusiasm since it felt like this entire video was just a repeat of what they were told last week.

"Throughout this stage, you'll feel many contractions and feel them getting longer, stronger and more frequent…" Edith continued, taking her job with a seriousness that Brian had a hard time buying, especially when she looked just as bored saying this shit as Brian did listening to it.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Brian deadpanned, shooting Justin a saccharine smile, effused with mock joy as he drawled. "I'm so glad we're watching these, Sunshine. I'm learning so much."

Justin kicked out with one foot and shoved him, nearly toppling him off the couch in the process; and then had the nerve to giggle when Brian scowled at him. Brat. He turned back to the video, grimacing when Edith mentioned the thinning of the cervix and losing the mucus plug again, and really did she need to regurgitate that information? Once had been enough, thanks ever so much. And then he lost all patience when she made the same claim about contractions not more than thirty seconds before.

"Are you sure these videos aren't for the learning impaired?" Brian asked, frowning when she covered yet more information she'd given in the previous videos. Jesus Christ, this was fucking tedious. And pointless since Justin was having a c-section.

Why the fuck were they watching these again?

"Brian!" Justin hissed, likely affronted by his slanderous comments on their birth guru's capabilities, but how the hell was he even taking this seriously?

"What?" Brian groused, sighing when they switched to 'real' mom testimonials, all of them gushing about their various experiences, or in other cases bitching about how they were told to go home because it was far too soon for them to be there.

"I can't believe you said that," Justin huffed, shaking his head; Brian frown and thought back to his comment and then rolled his eyes again. Of course the over-sensitive twat would get bent out of shape because he was maligning his precious videos.

"I can't believe you're making me watch this shit," Brian countered, waving his hand at the TV screen. "We've already gone through most of this during the first set of videos, and the only reason I can see for them repeating the same information ad nauseam is that they are meant for..."

"People like Michael?" Justin cut in sweetly, fluttering his lashes like some fucking demented Queen before going back to the video with renewed determination; Brian just snorted and didn't say anything, as he couldn't really argue with that assessment.

Michael really did need to be hit upside the head with a brick before anything sunk in.

Brian yawned and closed his eyes; Edith's words washed over him and fell away without sticking because they were just more of the same vein – early labor lasts between six and twelve hours (yup, heard that last time); wait until your contractions are 40 to 60 seconds long, every five minutes before calling your doctor (that too); and it ends when you are four centimeters dilated (that was new, but he didn't care because again, they were getting a fucking c-section done). Well this had proven to be a waste of time.

At this point, Brian was getting irritated with the repetition of facts. He got it the first time, thank you very much.And if he hadn't, he could easily log on and watch the damned videos again. Although, the information that active labor lasted between four to eight hours for first-time carriers, caught his attention and he couldn't help wincing.

"Those poor bastards," Brian said, whistling low in sympathy; that had to suck.

"Yeah, that sounds painful," Justin said, his brow furrowed and nose wrinkled as he rubbed his belly in sympathy for laboring carriers around the world.

"Actually, I was talking about the birth partners, Sunshine," Brian smirked, drawing his husband's instant irritation; he just couldn't resist needling his husband a little. "Can you imagine how terrifying it must be to deal with a screaming, bitching drama princess…oh, wait…I have plenty of experience with…ow!"

Brian drew his legs up into his body and rubbed his smarting big toe, which was throbbing from where Justin had twisted it; little shit. Not deterred in the least, he snickered at a scowling Justin and held his hands aloft, deftly blocking the couch cushion that came sailing his way. He caught it and stuffed it under his head, smirking at a glowering Justin the entire time.

"Asshole," Justin huffed, yanking another cushion over to him and leaning up against it; Brian just laughed. He knew that he'd pay for this later, but for right now, it amused him to no end to get Justin riled up just enough that he got a bit aggressive. It would end up being so much fun later tonight.

But until then, he had to deal with this shit; Christ, how was this his fucking life?

Edith filled them on more facts that, at the very least, weren't regurgitated from the previous videos, but were still pointless. He supposed, had they planned on an actual birth, knowing the stages would be important. But they weren't, so he saw no reason to even care and didn't pay any attention to the rest of the video.

… … … … …

Second Stage of Labor: Pushing and Giving Birth

The silence and Justin's frustrated groan were his first indications that something was wrong.

Brian looked up, wondering what was taking so long, and then smirked when he realized that the web page was frozen on the screen and a little hourglass kept spinning over and over as the page attempted to load. Justin cursed and muttered under his breath as he jabbed at a button and tried to refresh the page yet again, obviously hoping that it would load faster.

But the hourglass just popped back up, showing that it still wasn't loading any faster than it had before he'd refreshed the page. Justin heaved a sigh and flopped back against the back of the couch and let it do its thing.

"Oh, what a shame," Brian mock lamented, dramatically resting his hand over his heart as if the thought of not being able to watch the next video hurt ; Justin snorted and tossed another pillow his way. He really needed to stop that, or else he was going to run out pillows to lean against; and then what would he do? "It's not loading. I guess we'll have to skip this one."

"Don't even think of moving from that seat, buster," Justin said, pointing his index finger at Brian and wagging it in a warning gesture. "I'm sure it will pull up in a minute. And even if it doesn't, they have the transcript right here and I will read it aloud if I have to."

"Well, you couldn't do a worse job than our friendly birth instructor Edith here," Brian quipped, keeping his feet well away from pinching, grasping hands. "And hey, you have the same number of credentials as she does, so it's not like we're missing out on much."

"You are such a jerk," Justin huffed, getting ready to launch into one of his little tirades, but then the web site decided to actually work, and he crowed triumphantly when Edith popped up on screen in her boring beige jacket, against her boring cream background, with a placid expression on her face. Notice a theme here?

"There. See? I told you it'd pop up," he said just a touch smugly; Brian rolled his eyes

"Oh, joy," Brian deadpanned, and then sneered at Edith. "I don't know how I would have lived had we missed darling Edith's words of wisdom."

Justin snorted, but didn't comment, choosing to focus on the video instead. Brian glanced at the media room door and wondered that, if moved fast enough, could he actually make it out of the room, into his study and lock the door without too many repercussions? He glanced at Justin, who was watching him with a sharp, suspicious gaze, working out his odds; and then he gave it up as a bad idea. Because, while Justin wouldn't be able to move fast enough to coral him right now, he'd make Brian pay in spades later. Better to just give in.

He sighed again and decided to focus on another two minutes of banality.

"Once your cervix is fully dilated," Edith said; and really, just jump right into the topic without softening the blow, why don't you? It's not like you have to actually greet us or anything. "The second stage of labor begins. This is where you'll push your baby through the birth canal and out into the world."

Brian's lips twitched as he fought back the snarky comment that was just dying to slide off his tongue; and to be honest, it was a struggle, it actually hurt to hold the words back. He glanced over at Justin to gauge his reaction.

"Don't say it," Justin instantly said, eyes narrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. Brian held up his hands in a placation, not wanting another pillow thrown his way, or to get pinched again

"I wasn't going to say a word," Brian said, lying through his teeth; not that Justin bought it.

"Yeah, right," Justin huffed, casting a disbelieving look his way. "I know you; and I know that you're dying to say something sarcastic right now."

Instead of reacting,  Brian just mimed zipping his lips, and looked back at the screen without a word, blatantly ignoring the distrustful look that Justin was sending his way. And really, he didn't blame Justin for his reaction; it was difficult holding back the words and expressing how he really felt listening to this twaddle. But he was trying to be good. So, he leaned back and tried to ignore the urge to mock the video, especially when it once again became repetitive and  was talking about stuff that didn't fucking matter because the twat was having c-section.

But, finally, the words built up, burning in the back of his throat like acid, and Brian just couldn't stand it anymore;  and he finally decided to say fuck it and let loose. "Push your baby through the birth canal…?" he said incredulously, shaking his head in despair. "Well, I'm glad they clarified that, because for a minute there, I was worried that you'd have to push it out of your ass."

Justin groaned and face palmed.

"Perfect background music though," Brian continued in a deadpan voice, ignoring Justin as he buried his face into a pillow. "So uplifting. It makes me feel like, 'we can do this!'"

"I hate you," Justin muttered and just leaned over to cue up the next video.

… … … … …

Third Stage of Labor: Delivery of the Placenta

"I may never get hard again," Brian said, staring at the screen with horror, desperately wishing he could take back the last thirty seconds of his life. He shuddered and then stared at his limp dick mournfully. Ugh, why had  that even a thing? "I just thought you should know that."

"Oh, well," Justin blithely said, his jaw twitching as he tried to hold back his laughter; Brian glared because this was so not funny. "There's always toys."

"I can't believe you just said that," Brian groused, swiping a hand over his face, and wished that he could wipe the contents of the video - which essentially stated 'your placenta detaches and is expelled during a contraction and you gently push it out' - from his mind. 

Granted, the video it hadn't been the actual problem; oh,no, it had been the accompanying visual effects that had him squirming in discomfort and his stomach rolling over.

"I can't believe that you expect me to believe that you couldn't get it up if I stood up right now, dropped trou and wagged my naked ass in your face." Justin countered, arching a knowing brow as he stared at Brian's crotch; and lo and behold, things started to perk right back up. Yes! All was not lost.

"You do make an excellent point, Sunshine," Brian smirked and then gestured to the empty space in front of him. "Feel free to get up and demonstrate that at anytime."

Justin snorted, but sadly stayed seated.

"If you behave, and make it through the next two videos, I'll be more than happy to demonstrate my appreciation in any way you want," Justin leered; and Brian's dick twitched happily at the thought and then stood proudly to attention. He ran his eyes over his husband's delectable body and licked his lips.

"Any way?" Brian asked, arching an intrigued brow.

Justin nodded and hummed agreeably.

"I'll be holding you to that, twat," Brian stated, allowing them to fall into silence as Justin leaned over his laptop to navigate to the next video. At least he'll get something good out of this travesty.

Brian looked back at the screen and shuddered as he read the title again, the animated short flashing through his mind. Had he really complained about the videos being too bland? If that was how that jazzed things up, he was perfectly happy with bland Edith in her beige jacket and boring cream-colored backdrop.

"Ugh," Brian groaned and grimaced. "Did they really have to provide a fucking animated video of the placenta sliding out the birth canal with that?"

Justin just laughed again and changed the video. Little shit.

… … … … …

What Happens After Delivery?

"Uh…you pass out because you just spent the last several hours trying to squeeze something that's the size of a small watermelon out of a hole the size of a bagel?" Brian scoffed, shaking his head at the title. "But that's just a wild guess on my part."

Justin snorted, his shoulders shaking as he tried to hold back his laughter; Brian figured that he must have agreed since he hadn't ended up with more bruises on his body due to that commentary. Sighing, Brian rubbed his temple and prayed that this was the last one; and then he cringed when he remembered that Justin had said there were two more. Fuck, he just couldn't catch a break.

Although, he had noticed that Justin getting restless, so maybe, just maybe they could skip the last one depending on what it was about. Scrubbing his hand over his face, Brian turned and perked up when Edith brought up the cesarean sections. Finally, there was something that actually applied to them.

"Your caregiver will clamp the umbilical cord in two spots and cut between the clamps, or your partner can do it," Edith said with an encouraging smile; Brian rolled his eyes. "If you ended up having a c-section, your baby will most likely be wrapped in a warm blanket and brought to your partner…"

"Do you want to do that?" Justin asked out of the blue; Brian paused. He hadn't really thought about it to be honest. He assumed that since they were having a c-section done, and given that it was major surgery, that there were likely a lot of restrictions about what could and couldn't happen in the delivery suite.

"Um…sure?" Brian said hesitantly, not wanting to commit to anything until they had a chance to speak with Justin's doctor.

"You don't have to," Justin hastily assured, misunderstanding Brian's reluctance. "Because to be honest, I'm not sure that I could do it myself if the roles were reversed; it makes me feel a bit squeamish knowing that I'm cutting into one of your body organs, even if it's one that will soon be expelled."

"Well," Brian grimaced, his mind flashing back to the placenta video; he swallowed thickly and couldn't help feeling a little green around the gills. "When you put it that way...no."

"I just thought I'd ask so I can tell Liz," Justin reassured; and Brian was torn between feeling relieved that Justin didn't mind if he didn't do it and being annoyed that Justin thought he couldn't handle it. "That way you won't have them pressuring you to cut it if you don't want to."

"I think I'm going to pass," Brian stated carefully, searching Justin's face to make sure that he really was okay with this, and then nodded when Justin shrugged. "I can always change my mind later. But right now, it doesn't appeal at all; especially after watching that last video…ugh." Brian paused, and decided to bring up his earlier concern. "Besides, you have to realize that a c-section is a major surgery, Sunshine. I may not even be allowed in the room; in which case, that question is moot."

"You will be," Justin said with certainty; Brian arched a brow. "I already talked to Liz about that. You'll have to wear scrubs, and wait outside while they do the spinal, but once the surgery is about to start, they'll let you in. You do have a point, however; it is major surgery, so they may let you near the incision. I didn't think about that."

"You never told me that," Brian said, trying to recall when Justin might have asked her as he'd been to every one of his doctor's appointments. "When did you talk about this?"

"The other day when I rescheduled my appointment to next week," Justin said, smiling at Brian sheepishly. "We ended up talking for a while as she wanted to know how I was handling the stress from the events of the other night. And I asked about it?"

Brian shook his head, but let it go; they could discuss it later. He tuned back into the video and caught the segment where Edith mentioned the common after effects of labor which included, but was not limited to, shakiness, nausea, fatigue and chills that could last up to an hour. And then she suggested ways to deal with said effects, happily informing them that the best way to deal with the chills and shakes was to cuddle with your partner and baby.

Brian snorted.

"I knew you'd eventually find a way to force me to cuddle with you, Sunshine," he smirked, nudging Justin with his foot.

"Says the man I have to pry off of me in order to pee in the middle of the night," Justin scoffed back, turning and sitting on Brian's feet so that he could lean his back against Brian's legs.

"That's not cuddling," Brian denied, poking his husband in the side. "That's a well-known preventative measure to keep you from sneaking off to eat those fucking Twinkies in the middle of the night."

"Like you could really stop me," Justin quipped; and then snickered when Brian didn't answer, because they both damned well knew that Justin was right.

Most of the time, Brian didn't even discover the little twat was missing until he'd already left the bedroom and was down the stairs; and by then, it was too late. The brat was usually in the kitchen two or three deep in Twinkies when Brian caught up with him. Justin just snickered again and leaned over to cue the next video – which was called 7 Labor Myths. Well that sounded fun; and what was it about this site and their numbered lists?

And then Justin leaned back, prodding at Brian's legs until he shifted them enough to allow Justin to slide between them. Brian pulled him back against his chest, in a total non-cuddling way, and allowed Justin to use it as a back rest as he leaned over and promised. "I will find a way, Sunshine; just you wait and see."

 

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