January 19

Justin bit his tongue for the…well, he couldn't recall what number of times that night, but judging by the soreness of it, it had to be far more than was healthy. He did, however, give in and mentally rolled his eyes and prayed to hold onto the patience that he felt rapidly slipping away. Just one more hour, and he could pull the tired card and they could get the fuck away from here before he ended up killing Lindsay.

This was a surprise to him, as he fully expected that it would be Michael that tried his last nerve and made him snap tonight. But Michael had been silently sulking on the other side of the table, safely tucked between Ben and Hunter; the both of whom had the presence of mind to cut him off before he could say anything that would've had Justin skewering him to the table like the rodent that he was.

Justin hadn't even wanted to be there that night. After the stunt Michael had pulled a couple of days ago when he barged past Yasmeen, (and he really must have a death wish to have done that; she doesn't forgive stupidity easily), and immediately started in on Justin for reasons only known to him, well Justin was a bit on edge still. The last thing he wanted to do was make nice at the family dinner.

But, as usual, he didn't get a choice in the matter as; first, they needed to drop Gus off since the munchers had come home earlier than expected. (And he wasn't touching that with a ten-foot pole.) And second, when Deb made a summons, one did not ignore if they wanted to keep their hearing for the next week.

Besides, she and his mother were still a bit put out with him for his comments when they'd oh-so-graciously decided to gift him with their presence at lunch on Monday; and he didn't need to add not attending dinner on his list of supposed transgressions. But it also meant that he'd had to deal with Earth Mother Lindsay dropping her little gems wisdom onto his head as if she had any clue what she was talking about.

While male pregnancy wasn't exactly rare these days, it was still a new enough phenomenon that even the experts weren't clear on just how close it mirrored female pregnancy. And that she thought her experience with one birth could in any way, shape or form make her an expert on what he was going through was laughable at best and totally preposterous at worst.

Sighing, Justin added a few more greens to his plate and was reaching for another slice of garlic bread when another piece of chicken mysteriously appeared on his plate. Dropping the bread on his plate, he looked at Brian with no little amount of irritation, only to find him deep in conversation with Carl and the chicken nowhere near him.

And as his mother and Deb were too far down the table to do it, that could only mean one thing. The wannabe Earth Mother had struck again.

"What is this?" Justin asked in a bland tone, instantly garnering Brian's attention; his husband's back stiffened as he turned to see what Justin was talking about; but Justin just ignored him as he stared at his plate nonplussed.

"Well, this is about the time that you should start adding more protein to your diet," Lindsay breezily informed him, making Justin grit his teeth. "It's good for the baby."

Brian groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose as Justin's grip tightened on his utensils. His husband sighed as Justin carefully laid his knife and fork down and reached for his glass of milk, as Brian knew exactly where this was headed. Justin took a long, deliberate drink of his milk, set the glass back down on the table, wiped his mouth with his napkin and then faced Mel, a polite smile on his face.

"So, Mel," Justin started conversationally, trying very hard to hold onto the remains of his temper; which he wholeheartedly admitted had been very short lately. Brian tensed beside him in anticipation of what he presumed was going to be a headache in the making. But tough cookies. "When were you going to tell us that Lindsay grew a dick? That must suck for your love life."

Conversation around the table came to an abrupt halt as Mel snorted into her drink and Carl choked on his beer. The silence reigned for several drawn-out moments before Debbie cackled in delight and Brian let out a loud bark of laughter; Em pressed his face into Drew's shoulder, trying to fight back his own laughter, an unsuccessful venture, evident by his silently, shaking shoulders. Drew just took in the entire scene with a bemused smile.

Ben ducked his head and smirked, his hands firmly covering Jenny's ears, while Gus looked between his mother and Justin with horrified disgust and then grumbled as he went back to his meal. Michael looked as if he was torn between laughing and scowling, leaving him with a weird amalgamation of both. And as for Lindsay; she sat there spluttering with an offended look on her face.

"Last I looked she hadn't," Mel said, laughter in her voice, and willing to play along if for no other reason to find out why Justin said it. "Why do you ask, Baby?"

"Well, I just thought that since she has suddenly become an expert on male pregnancy," Justin continued lightly, as if he hadn't just dropped the biggest shit bomb on the entire table. "She must be speaking from personal experience."

"I beg your pardon?" Lindsay gasped, finally having found her voice.

"As you should," Justin said sternly, deliberately misunderstanding her words as Brian just shook his head in resignation. "You've spent the entire evening trying to force me to eat shit I don't need or want to eat, trying to take away shit I do want to eat, trying to advise me of the best way to handle my pregnancy, trying to control my actions, including trying to tell me what kind of sex I can or can't have with my husband, and in general just being a nosy, meddling pain in my ass."

Brian chuckled and toasted Justin with his glass; Justin smiled at his husband and kissed him on his cheek for his show of support.

"Well, I just thought that you might like some advice from someone who's gone through it," Lindsay said huffily, her back ramrod straight.

"Hence my question," Justin said slowly, as if talking to a small child, an irritated frown on his face. "Because the only way you can know anything about male pregnancy is if you'd suddenly sprouted a dick while you were carrying Gus. Just because something did or did not happen during your pregnancy Linds, doesn't mean I'm going to experience any of the same issues. Who are you to judge…" Justin paused and held up a hand when Lindsay opened her mouth to respond. "No, really, who are you to judge what my needs are?"

Lindsay gaped at him, as if she'd honestly hadn't expected him to call her out on her bullshit. Brian snorted softly, but continued eating as if to say he was not getting involved in their little showdown; a wise move on his part. The rest of the table watched the two of them with a mixture of emotions, ranging between amusement to surprise to anger. No guesses needed on who fell into the latter.

Like Justin gave one fuck what the spoiled brat thought.

"The fact is," Justin continued before she could regain her senses and say something that would just end up pissing him off further. "You know nothing about my pregnancy as you have no part in it. Case in point – you were just trying to serve me a, completely unnecessary, extra helping of chicken right now; which, granted, was well-intentioned, but misguided. I don't need the extra iron. I am not anemic; and I have already made certain to eat all the required protein I need for the day. And even if I hadn't, it is not up to you to correct my behavior."

"Well, how was I to know…" Lindsay huffed, her lips pursing when Justin snorted.

"That is exactly my point, Lindsay," Justin said with a smug smile. "You can't know, so don't assume."

Lindsay bristled and narrowed her eyes, and Justin could see her gearing up for one of her snide little remarks that usually had the others feeling as they were failures; but had never affected Justin much to her annoyance. He had been born WASP from a family of WASPs too and knew how to beat her at her game.

"Well, I just felt that due to a showing unwise behavior by working through your pregnancy that a little advice might be needed," Lindsay snapped, her little stinger out and buzzing away; but she'd miscalculated greatly and the words fell short of their mark. "After all some of those paints can be quite toxic and…"

She trailed of when Justin laughed at her attempt to upbraid him and imply that he was an unfit parent because he was using potentially harmful substances while pregnant. Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay; you are beyond predictable.

"And that would lead me to my second point," Justin said with a smirk, getting a bit of a perverse thrill when Lindsay's cheeks flushed a dark shade of red. "Again with the assumptions," Justin shot her a pitying look that had her back stiffening further. "First of all, I do not need you to tell me what I can and cannot do in my own damned studio; it is, quite frankly, none of your damned business."

Lindsay huffed, but didn't back down; not yet anyway. Foolish of her, as she should have remembered that Justin was well-versed in this game and he wouldn't have said something if he couldn't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was talking out of her ass. Well, one day she'd learn. Maybe.

"But since you brought it up," Justin continued with a snide smile. "Outside of the mural in Sunbeam's room, I'm not painting right now. Ah, yes, surprised you with that didn't I? It just proves you don't have any idea what you're talking about; as usual."

Justin paused to take a drink of his milk, pinning the annoying woman to her chair with only his eyes, a feat he'd learned at the feet of his mother; and had succeeded too if Lindsay's silence was any indication. Well, he had learned from the best. No one could out WASP his mother; she had the ability to make you fee about two-inches tall with nothing more than a quick flick of her eyes. Setting aside his glass, he continued.

"My upcoming show is primarily made up of soft pastels, which are not an issue. Not to mention that my agent and I have had this show planned months before I got pregnant; so, most of my pieces were completed before I even found out about Sunbeam. I only have a couple of pieces to work on, which I do in between work on the mural."

Lindsay opened her mouth once more, but Justin cut her off, knowing damned well where she was going.

"And before you say anything about my painting in Sunbeam's room, I am using zero-VOC, all-natural paints by Valspar and BioShield. I am also using non-toxic solutions for cleaning my brushes. So, whatever half-baked argument you're forming needs to die right now. I'm well aware of the potential issues with painting in my condition and have taken multiple precautions against said problems."

Lindsay's mouth snapped shut and she turned away, obviously irritated that he ripped all of her arguments to shreds and merrily tapped danced all over them.

"Not that it's any of your business. I can take care of myself just fine without yours, or for that matter, anyone else's meddling," Justin said, casting a knowing look at other members of their family, who had recently been on the same kick. To their credit, they did have the grace to send him apologetic looks.

"I don't have to put up with this," Lindsay said in a haughty tone, her lips pursed into a prissy, little bow.

"Then I suggest you just sit there and look pretty," Justin said sotto voce, drawing another snort from Brian. "It's what you do best anyways."

Hey, if she was going to be bitchy, so was he.

Lindsay huffed and then, since she wasn't going to get more of a reaction from Justin, turned to a surprisingly quiet Mel and demanded, Well, aren't you going to say anything!?"

"Nope," Mel snorted, eating her dinner as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "I told you to mind your own business days ago. You didn't want listen to me, thinking you knew better; so, you deal with the consequences on your own."

And that was exactly opposite of what Lindsay had been expecting; growling, she took a deep breath and put on her best beseeching look and turned to Brian.

"Brian?" Lindsay pleaded, thinking she was going to find sympathy with 'her Peter.' Little did she know that Peter left Never Land the moment Wendy used that art review to her advantage, nearly breaking them up; and then took his son away from him in the same month.

Peter had no sympathy for Wendy's refusal to grow up; which was all too apparent when Brian turned to Justin and kissed him on the temple, his voice dripping honey as he said, "Well said, honey." And then he paused, a moue of disgust on his face as he chided. "Only next time, I could do with out the visual of Linds with a dick; I think I threw up a little in my mouth at the thought."