CHAPTER 36 - YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID BUT YOU CAN KICK THEIR ASSES...!

LYDIA

                "Oh Lindsay before you go!"

She steps back in the office and closes the door.

                "Well actually it's two things, one don't actually try and go to work for Campbell Lutz or any other place of employment.  Since, this is just the cover story for your suspension; as we will consider that a notice of your resignation.  And you weren't leaving with the credit card were you?"

She rifles in her wallet and with great restraint puts down on it on my desk.

                "Of course I wouldn't be that stupid Lydia give me some credit!"

                "Oh the irony of that line*.  That's the one thing you never gave Hunter, any credit for his abilities and it's led to your suspension.  I would take this time to think about the consequences of your actions and words, they reach further than you realise.  Now see you in six weeks."

She stares at me hard before turning on her heels and stalking out.  I wait until she's out the door before making the announcement to the team and then only realising minutes later that people looked relieved.

                "Hi Brian, it's Lydia, it's done she's suspended.  Not as much fun as firing her would've been but fun enough.  Now onto slightly more pleasant subjects, about the first osteopath..."

ALLEGHANY COURTHOUSE

OUTSIDE COURT NUMBER 4

MEL

This has been a fuck of a week but an awesome one, we are just waiting for the verdict, we were surprisingly called back early. 

                "Mel they're ready."

CHASE, HAROLD & DRAPER

Ellen is just staring at me.

                "Say that again.  And slowly."

                "It is in my opinion best that the child belongs in the custody of Don and Christopher Grimes.  As this is not a case about the sexuality of the parents, I deem that irrelevant, it is the case of the safety of the child.   And they have clearly proven they can provide a safe and stable environment both physically and, more importantly, emotionally.  The biological mother and her partner have yet to express an interest in the child other than for monetary gain and I feel this case has been brought through bigotry and that has no place in my court..."

She squeals and gives me another hug.  Harry comes in with a grin on his face.

                "They're not going to appeal and their lawyer has a meeting with the judge tomorrow afternoon, it's not looking good for him either."

                "Thank fuck Adam fired him a long time ago or that would've been ruinous for, speak of the devil...Adam, hi, I've got Harry and Ellen in here, can I put you on speaker?"

                "Hi guys, well congratulations.  Thank God I fired that guy when I did..."

                "Mel just said that.  Look I have another meeting to go to, see you Adam."  Harry waves goodbye

                "See you Harry.  So Ellen do you think you can go through your boss's diary and find a date for lunch for us?"

                "Of course Adam, see you."

                "Okay now really how scared were you?"  He asks.

                "Fucking terrified.  I think it was the partner's influence that got it to here, I mean she went into the agreement knowing they were two gay men who wanted the baby.  When I found out who the judge was I just wanted to say ‘here's your baby back'..."

                "Me too.  He's a mean bastard that guy.  But if you had lost what would you have done?"

                "They wouldn't have gone for an appeal, we already discussed that.  We would've drawn up another agreement with them giving up their parental rights and not paying support, if they couldn't have him they would rather never see him again, but, again I go with the partner's avarice got the better of them."

There's a tapping at the door, Ellen pops her head in and hands me a list of dates.

                "Okay got dates for you, and what's this lunch in aid of?"

                "Well..."

BROWNSTONE

KITCHEN - MIDDAY

LINDZ

Shit fuck and dammit!  Now what am I going to do?  I can't believe that little honest comment has led to this!  And I can't even go to my default of throwing things around as these aren't my things to throw!  Okay, Peterson be calm, be calm.  First things first check the bank accounts, well check the bank accounts after I have a glass or two of wine to settle my nerves.

After I have two glasses of wine in quick succession I check my bank and I realise that things aren't that bad.  I have enough money in my own account to cover my month's pay so it's all good, now all I have to do is talk to Mel.

E&ZHoD

EMMY LOU

Hmm, I sense there is something wrong with my girl, she's supposed to be making praline crumbles but the way she's whaling on it, it will be dust, even Rhett is scared to go in there, time for some soothing Southern charm.

TASTE AREA

                "Uh honey, give me the meat hammer, thank you.  Have I done something wrong?" 

                "Oh no darling Emmy Lou, just some family business that is chanking my chain a little."

                "Ah so what did Luc find out, obviously you don't have to tell me but if it helps get it off your chest and save our countertops for example..."

                "She's just a manipulative bitch who needs a fucking slap.  But I've been told to stay away from her, so with great reluctance I will."

                "I thought you weren't close to your father and brother?"

                "Oh I'm not it's just they've been married, Zephaniah and Talon for 19 years, guess how long the affair has been going on?"

                "Judging by the dust and tiny dents, I would say 20?"

                "21 years on and off, seems it started when they first dated.  I'm gunning for him and her."

                "Ah.  Well since I love you out of prison let's talk about more pleasant subjects like the bookings we have to cater for and of course there's the matter of the wedding..."

                "Oh heads up, Aunt Dee is going to do the wedding breakfast."

                "Okay not a problem, she's just a delight."

For the first time today she grins.

                "Unless of course you are Michael!  And I just loved the way she glared at him until he unfolded his arms."  I chuckle

                "Honey she could make the devil obey." 

                "No according to her that's your talent...now seriously about these bookings, at least half have already paid deposits and we are going to be going to Ohio for Brian's client Henry Feeley in October but we are booking nothing in March correct?"

                "Absolutely not, Brian and Justin are our priority then, we've got to source the food, train the staff, everything, especially as we won't be able to help and we've got the weekend in NYC.  So actually we should really ask them about food for both the meal and the breakfast this weekend, especially for the breakfast."

                "And they need to start with the guest list and invites and then we've got to do block bookings on the hotels in Portland.  So much to do!"

                "Hang on.  Come on girl pick up!  Daph, hey sweets, no it's all good.  What are you doing this weekend, do you think you can get either tomorrow or Monday off.  Monday?  That's great, I'll send the plane tomorrow night where do you want to stay, for the car service of course, cool, will sort it."

I look at her and she's starting to come back being to my girl.

                "Hey geliefde, I'm sorry I've been a bear to be with, look we're doing wedding stuff this weekend hopefully locking down the menu.  So could you have a word with your folks...?"

                "Hon do I want to know what you're doing?"

                "No but you're going to enjoy it on Saturday when you find out."

SHADYSIDE

MICHAEL

I suppose I should get this over with and apologise to Joshua and Carrie, I head over to their house and knock on the door, it is opened by Carrie.

                "Michael.  Excuse me.  All my lovers hide, Michael Novotny is here!"

I grimace and blush

                "May I come in?"

                "No.  What do you want?"

                "I wanted to speak to you and Joshua to..."

                "Josh you want to come out...of the room I mean."

Joshua's laughter announces his arrival before I see him, he's carrying Sarah and she's playing with a toy hammer and bopping him on the head with it...part of me wishes it wasn't a toy.

                "What do you want Michael.  No Sarah don't stick that in your mouth."

                "To apologise for the weekend.  For my accusations and my behaviour."

                "Well?"  Carrie prompts

                "Well what?"  I reply

                "Apologise."

                "I just..."

                "No you didn't you said you wanted to apologise not that you apologised, so I suggest you get on with it without crossing your arms..."  Carrie smirks

Grinding my teeth, I sigh heavily.

                "I apologise for my behaviour and actions over the weekend and hope we can move past this..."

                "What do you think, did he do enough to warrant our forgiveness?"  Joshua asks Carrie

                "No but since I just want him off our porch it will do.  Sarah please stop trying to put that in your mouth, where has she picked that up from?" 

I was about to say something when she shut the door

CARRIE

Oh that was so much fun, he kept twitching his arms up because he wanted to cross them so badly. 

                "Hey Debs, its Carrie.  No we're all good, though Sarah has picked up putting the hammer in her mouth...seriously honey just take it away from her...but your son was round and has apologised.  No his arms weren't crossed but he so wanted them to be!  Okay Debs we'll come over next week sometime.  Bye."

DEBS' & CARL'S

DEBS

                "Right honey I'm off, what time's your shift starting again?"  I call out

                "About six, but I then I'm off tomorrow because I want to help you prep for Saturday, remember to do the list okay?"

I kiss him goodbye and nod before strolling to the diner.  

DINER

KIKI

                "Hey Debs, how you doing?"

I kiss her cheek and she grins at me.

                "All good Miss K all good."

                "You have been spending much too much time with Faal, nobody seems to call me Kiki anymore..."

                "But you love it!"  Tony shouts out.

                "Hush up and sling some hash!"  I call back.

She bustles to put on her apron and heads to the counter and then frowns.

                "What's up?"

                "Mel hasn't called yet."

                "And she should've done because?"

                "Don and Christopher's case."

There are knowing nods, we couldn't believe what that woman did having gone through the agreement to say they had coerced her into signing it and having the baby like they were the devil incarnate and of course they had the equivalent of Judge Russo presiding.

                "No news is...hey Mel!  Oh that's fanfuckingtastic!  Thanks for letting me know!"

                "Coffees are on the house!"  Tony calls out from the kitchen.  "And I mean from up the street, just the one cup mind you, I'm not made of generosity!"

Grizz has two of his friends and his twink scuttling obediently to get the coffees and I watch Debs head to the bathroom, Tony nods.

BATHROOM

                "Oh my Debs come here."  I pull her into my arms and let her sob.

                "Reminded you?"

She nods snivelling.

                "Times have changed and slowly people's attitudes have changed.  Now here's my make-up bag, go fix your face, your wig and come out like the Debs we know and love!"

She gives a wobbly smile and wipes her eyes.

BROWNSTONE

MICHAEL

I hope Hunter's awake now, I'm a bit hungry and fancy a diner meal so maybe he can join me, I ring the doorbell.

                "Michael, what are you doing here?"  Lindsay opens the door.

                "Me, uh what are you doing here?"  I reply.

                "I live here remember?"

We both look at each and chuckle, she waves me in.

                "How was San Fran, still the gay capital of the world?"  I ask nodding as she waves the bottle at me.

                "Indeed it was good, tiring but good.  What are you doing here anyway?"

                "Came to see Hunter.  Had no idea you were playing nursemaid."

She frowns slightly.

                "As if I would, no I have taken today off to recover from the red eye flight last night.  Besides, Hunter is with Ben, he and Matt aren't back till Saturday night.  Though preferably I would rather they went to the loft."

                "With Ben?  I came round last night and Jenny said he was sleeping, wait why the loft?"

                "Surely it's not been that long Michael?  Actually how long has it been since you got to quote the Brian of old ‘your needs met'?"

                "I remember that phrase, it used to be his mantra and manifesto.  He has to come back to that, being the Stud of Liberty Avenue, King of Babylon and remember who his true friends are."  I gripe

                "Nicely avoided now answer the question."  She snickers

                "Long enough.  So why is Hunter..."

                "You know what we should go out!"  She exclaims.

                "We should?" 

                "Yes, we're going to go dancing at Babylon and you are going to pick up someone to get your needs met, I will be your wing woman!"

                "Okay!  So when are we doing this?"  I grin at her.

                "Hmm, how about tomorrow whilst we have it fresh in our heads.  Tell you what, we'll go from your house, if she says no to coming out, you know how disapproving Mel can be..."

                "Yeah, her overreaction to you inviting me to join you for lunch on Sunday a case in point..."

                "Exactly, now fancy take-out?"

I nod as she looks in the fridge.

                "Oh actually here's some beef curry, let's have that."

KINNETIC

BRIAN'S OFFICE

BRIAN

Okay it wasn't the quickest fuck in the world but it was one of the nicest, definitely in the top 10, he did most of the work.  I was on my knees but sitting on my heels and he was in my lap facing away so I could play with his nipples and his cock and the noises he was making, I think that position will definitely be used on honeymoon...just the idea of sinking into the sand as he...

                "Earth to Brian!"  Ted calls from the doorway

I jump slightly, shake my head and will my cock down.

                "May I come in now?"

I wave him in and roll further under my desk.

                "Lindsay and Michael are fucking using a double headed dildo." 

                "What!  Jesus Ted what the hell!"

He snickers and chews the end of his pen.

                "Did it work?"

                "Yeah!  That is gruesome!  Why, just why would you think that?"

                "I know the replay face.  And yours was on a loop."

Now that I have to smile at.

                "So what did you want apart from to ruin my buzz?"

                "I've got Melanie locked down.  It will take Lindsay years to try and reach her and more money than she could ever get back.  So do I get to know yet?"

                "Other developments have come to the fore that make telling anyone outside of those who already know a bit difficult, I know I can trust you Ted but we have to go very carefully with this.  I want there to be no way back unless he gives permission."

                "Okay Bri, just let me know what you need me to do when I need to do it. 

                "Apart from because I asked, tell me why?"

                "Never liked her, always thought she was the wrong woman for Mel, far too much of a princess and a spoilt one who needs a good spanking and not in a nice way."

BROWNSTONE - LATE AFTERNOON

MEL

I decided to leave early, I'm tired but relieved that the case is over and am looking forward to just vegging on the sofa with a nice glass of wine. 

                "Hi Mel!"  Michael calls from the dining room.

                "Hi Michael."  I call back.  "And why Michael?"  I ask Lindz

                "I decided to take today off to recover from San Francisco and he came round at lunch time and we got to talking about how he hasn't ‘been out' in a while and..."

                "Uh huh.  Where are the kids?"  I ask taking off my coat and draping it over my arm.

                "So are you going to come with us?"  She asks.  "Oh they are in their rooms."

I close my eyes as the full horror of spending an evening with Michael at Babylon, whilst he tries to dance and pick up someone hits me.

                "No I will have had a long week and just want to relax before going to Debs and Carl's for lunch."

I hear the thunder of a teenage girl's feet.

                "Hey mom.  Well?"

                "We won!"

                "Yes!  So pleased I knew you could do it."

                "Are you sure you won't change your mind, it will do you good to go to Babylon and dance away your troubles."  Lindz cajoles.

                "Who's going to Babylon?"  Jenny asks.

                "Well your dad and I so far, we're trying to persuade your mom to come."

                "Oh, you don't feel like it mom?"

                "Not really, I've got a heavy day tomorrow as I said."

                "So pamper time for you then!  Great!"

I head to the fridge only to discover that they seem to have made their way through the wine from last night and judging by the bin another bottle, so the one on the table would be their third...great!

                "Michael, I think we need to cut you off since you need to drive home tonight."

                "Drive home, why can't I stay it's not as if Matt and Hunter are here?"

                "Because Lindsay and I have to get up early to go to work, some of us don't have the luxury of living off not working."

                "I can lock up, it's just a matter of pulling the door closed right?"

                "Uh dad you need a key for to lock the door from the outside."

                "Well you can leave me yours or Lindz can leave me hers and I give it back to her when I meet her later tomorrow night."

                "No none of those are an option, remember the terms of the lease Lindz, which we just got extended.  So Michael, you need to go home by cab when you're ready to."

                "That still can't be in there surely?"  Lindz calls from the dining room.

                "Lindz let's not go there right now.  The fact remains that Michael needs to go home, I'll call a cab for you for an hour okay Michael now excuse me I need to..."

Gus comes into the kitchen and grins at me

"Hey momma, I think a glass of wine is called for in honour of your victory, yes?  Oh hi Uncle Michael, you're still here?"

"I would love a glass of wine, let me go and put my stuff away.  What's for dinner anyway, I've forgotten."

"Remains of the beef curry and..."

"Ah about that."  Lindz stutters.  "Well we were going to go for a take-out but we found the curry instead and had that."

All three of us turn to stare at them.

                "You ate the curry, all of it?"  Gus demands.  "So what are we supposed to eat?" 

I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh heavily.

                "Right kids grab your coats, we're going out to eat, we'll go to the...for crying out!  Oh hi Jennifer, yes its great news.  Ah Debbie, you can always rely on the queen.  No actually the kids and I were just going to go to the diner.  Jennifer that's very kind of you but, okay, okay, we'll be there!"

I turn and look at expectant faces.

                "Well it seems that Jennifer got some commission on a property in Sewickley and that coupled with my victory in the court case entitles us to dinner at Paris 66, so you guys are going to have to tide yourselves over with a nut bar, dinner is in 45 minutes and we are meeting them there."

                "Oh wow that's great!  Paris 66 is supposed to be excellent."  Lindz coos.

                "Uh mom, you're not coming."  Gus points out.

                "Why ever not?"  She bridles.

                "Because momma told grandmom Jen that she was taking us to the diner, so I should imagine she's only added another 3 people to the booking..."

                "So she can just add another two people to the booking surely?"  Michael asks.

                "Okay you call her and ask."  I tell him.

                "No Michael, Mel and Gus are right, that couldn't be done.  You'd better hurry and get changed, it may take you a while to hail a cab."  She smiles tightly

                "It's okay, booked one it will be here in 15 minutes."  Jenny calls back dashing upstairs.

                "Isn't that a bit early, it doesn't take that long to get there!"  I call up

                "It's dropping dad off first!"  She calls back

TREEHOUSE

ZEE

It's been a trying few days, what with the cheating fucker that I used to call my father and the trolloping stuck-up heifer vying for the honour who to kill first.  I need to do something.  I head the lounge and all is suddenly right with my world.  Claude is doing the going in a circle thing ‘so he can get comfy' on Faal's stomach whilst Storm is stretched out on their day bed.  I chuckle and head to the cart.

                "A brandy please and sit so I can massage your neck albeit one handed."

I pour us both one but we share the glass and melt into his hand.

                "How are you going to play Shadyside, I need to have my game face on."

                "Nothing yet its Squirrel Hill you need your, right there thank you, game face on for?"

                "Why?"

                "Been shopping and called the boys in."

                "Laptop is over there."

I scrabble to get it and show him what I have bought.

                "Um my lig, that giant fluffy marshmallow bean bag thingy where is it going to go?" 

                "It really is too big isn't it?"

                "Yep that has to go back and remember the chaise longue is coming for the bedroom and we can move the chairs from in there to the main or second bedroom in Squirrel Hill."

                "Shit I forgot about the chaise longue."  I sigh and grab my phone.  "Emmy Lou, did you remember the chaise longue?  No me neither, yeah the bean bag is going back unless you guys want it.  Yeah had a feeling you might, we'll get it delivered to you."

                "So now that is furnished to the hilt who is going to live there?  Glass swapsies."

I hand him the glass and lean back against him and chuckle, he wraps his arm round my chest.

                "Oh I see..."

FRIDAY MORNING

BROWNSTONE

KITCHEN

LINDZ

I can't really blame Michael for being put out yesterday, since he's being let back into the fold you'd think that she would remove that clause from the lease but of course it's Zee and she has to flex her power. 

                "Right, hopefully, I should be able to get out early today, by about five, love you!"  Mel shouts

                "Love you!"  They cry back.

                "Gotta pee!"  Gus cries out and I shake my head.

                "Why does your brother do that?"  I ask Jenny

                "I think it's a Pavlov's dog thing, his body is just wired that way, have early morning juice, pee, grab bag, get into Tag's jalopy and get to school!"

                "Ah I see."

                "So are you two really going dancing tonight?  Gus come on, pee faster!"

                "Yes, I'm looking forward to it, I haven't been to Babylon for a few years."

                "Grandmom Jen was telling us that they went last year and she almost ended up in the backroom when someone misheard her."

                "Jennifer and Tucker went to Babylon, what on earth for?"

                "Auntie Ems wanted to go dancing so they all went, which is where grandpa met Grizz.  Gus I can hear Tag.  Gotta go bye momma."

                "Bye mom, are we seeing you when we get home?"

                "Not sure depends what time I finish work."

They're out of the door and I suddenly realise something and wait for a few minutes.  Just as I was about to leave the room, Jenny comes flying back in.

                "Shit forgot to lock up, excuse me momma!" 

SHADYSIDE - LATE EVENING

MICHAEL

I'm not sure how many bottles of this wine she expects us to drink but we've already gone through two.  They're really good!  It's almost ten so we should really be getting going.  I'm in my jeans and a shirt and she's just finishing getting ready. 

                "Taxi will be here in 5 minutes Lindz come on!"

She comes out and asks how she looks, I shrug and say fine.  She frowns.

                "I was going for more than fine, I was going for hot!"

                "We're supposed to be getting me fixed up not you.  Ah here's the cab!"

BABYLON

The queue as usual is massive and I was tempted to go to the front of the line but then I see Arnold is working the doors.  So decide to wait it out, happily it didn't take that long though.  Once inside, we push our way to the bar.  Now I know I haven't been there in a while but Brian has really made it palatial and so much better than when Sapperstein had it. 

We lean against the bar and check out the crowd. 

                "See any you like!"  She yells

                "Him."  I point to a dark haired six footer dancing with an equally good looking man.

                "Ooh nice.  Good body, killer smile, so what are we still doing here let's go dance next to them!"

I grin and follow her lead.

LINDZ

We dance over to our target and sway to the beat of the music and I notice a cute redhead staring at me and grinning, I grin back, no harm in looking, then she stops grinning and appears to be grimacing.  I turn round and notice that where there is supposed to be Michael is now an empty space, I look round for him but in the mass of bodies can't see him.  I look back at the redhead and she seems to be pointing to the bar.

I head back to the bar and find him clutching a wet napkin to his ear.

                "What happened to you?!" 

                "Seems my potential pick up's boyfriend doesn't play well with others and he gave my ear a flick, it fucking hurt!"  He whines.

                "Michael?  Michael is that you?"  I turn to the person calling him as does Michael who then frowns.

                "It's me!"  The guy cries animatedly.  "How have you been I haven't seen you for ages?  Heard you got married and have a kid.  How is that hunk you married, Ben wasn't it?"

Michael starts to move away from the guy, who I have to admit is very cute. 

                "Well it's been lovely to catch up!"  Michael shouts at him.  "But we've got to go!" 

                "Let me at least get you a drink!"  The guy calls back.

I look at Michael who shrugs and orders a vodka tonic and I order a gin and tonic.

                "What's wrong with you, he's cute!"  I admonish him

                "He reminds me a bit of Justin..."

                "Thanks for the compliment now if only I had achieved what people said was impossible and snared the Stud of Liberty Avenue!  So tell me how's everything been?  I heard you sold Red Cape to Blake, which was a surprise I have to say!"

I decide to take control of the situation.

                "I'm Lindsay and you are?"

                "Oh sorry I'm Todd."

Michael coughs into his drink.

                "Todd!  Todd?  As in how's it going Todd?"  He gasps.

                "The very same and I can honestly say more than fine!"  He waves his hand and a ring catches the light.  "Captured my own Stud and have never been happier.  So you and Ben how's that going, man is he gorgeous and can dance!"

                "We're not together anymore."

Todd looks astounded.

                "Oh I'm sorry.  I've only just got back, been in Germany for almost 3 years, so am playing catch up, couldn't believe what I heard about the Stud and getting married no less!  So what are your best man duties, you've got to get it perfect for the God that is the Stud."

I can see Michael starting to glower.

                "Oh wait, let me introduce you to my husband, this is Verne..."

                "Verne?"  Michael scoffs.  "What kind of name is..."

                "Captain Verne Stewart-Ford of the US Army, pleased to meet you ma'am."

He sticks out a hand and I shake it.

                "Lindsay, call me Lindsay.  And this is..."

                "Baby, we need to be going you know what a bitch it is to get a cab at this time of night."

                "Okay V, let's go.  Well see you Michael, Lindsay; when you see Brian tell him I said hi."

We watch them go, Verne's arm protectively round Todd's waist and glowering at anyone that tries to come close.

                "He was the fucking backroom bottom boy for years and now he's married!"  Michael snarks.

                "Yeah, imagine that!  Todd's a good guy we won't hear any shit about him."  A guy growls.  "He met him in the backroom and he pulled his life around, so maybe you should take a leaf out his book and do the same!"

He leans across the bar and says something to the barman, who looks at us and nods.

                "That's the last one for the night.  Nurse it well."

                "You can't throw us out we've done nothing wrong!"  I object.

                "Not throwing just not going to serve you anymore after that one, management reserve the right to refuse service...we're refusing.  Try Popperz for your next drink."

TREEHOUSE - SATURDAY MORNING

BACK KITCHEN

FAAL

                "It is good to see you laughing but could you at least try and get one of them instead of watching!"

                "I'm sorry, but it's the look of indignity on their faces, you'd think they'd appreciate top of the line cat boxes."

I look at her and scowl, I have been trying for the last half an hour to get them into the boxes and but they manage to wriggle out.

                "I just can't seem to hold the door and get them in without them wriggling away."

She stares at me in amazement.

                "I told you to watch what we did but no you were too busy watching..."

                "Your ass in those jeans, yes I know."

                "Flattery ain't gonna swing it."  She replies.  "For a man who loves cats, you are remarkably clueless, it's called the scruff, gently stuff and treat technique."

She turns the cat box on its end and opens the door then drops in some treats.  She quietly corners Claude gets him by the scruff of his neck and cups his ass pulling him to her chest.  Then puts him down the bottom of the box muttering soothing noises.  She then slowly closes the door as she hears crunching and when he's finished she gently rights the box.

                "Your turn."  She grins triumphantly.

                "I hate you."  I mutter

DEBS & CARL'S

CARL

                "Tell me how you managed to persuade me to have them here again?"  I grumble.

                "Oh quit bellyaching!  You were the one who suggested it and spent a great deal of time making sure that Taylor played with them gently."

                "Taylor is not going to be here today."  I point out.

                "Well use Jenny as an excuse then."  She grins at me.

                "So we've got everyone but Taylor who's at her mom's, four cats and two dogs for lunch today?"

Red pauses and then looks at me.

                "Maybe if we lock the door and close the curtains..."

I wrap my arms round my lady and nuzzle her neck. 

                "You might want to remind Michael that there is no car service for him."

                "Oh good point!"

She picks up the phone and dials.

SHADYSIDE

MICHAEL

Ow, ow and ow!  What the hell is that noise?  I open my eyes and wish I had done it slower.  My phone is going and after a couple of attempts I manage to get it.

                "Mmm?"

                "Michael it's me, just to remind you that there's no car service and to be here by 1300.  See you later."

I cut her off and shudder at the taste in my mouth.  Slowly getting up I head to the bathroom and brush my teeth then knock on Lindz's door and wait for her to answer.

                "Gnnnhgh." 

                "I'm going to go with come in, one thump for yes."  I call out.

She thumps and I poke my head round the door.

                "Coffee and Advil?"

She nods and then sinks back into the pillow.  Fifteen minutes later we're starting to feel a bit more human and try to piece our night together after we couldn't get served in Babylon anymore.

                "So are you going to call the guy?"  She asks.

                "No he wasn't really my type!"  I retort

                "Then why did you spend most of the night either with your tongue down his throat or talking about comics and superheroes?"  She grumbles

I shrug, in fact he wasn't that bad and not a bad kisser.  Hmm I might give him a call see what he's like in the cold light of day.

                "Did we?" 

She nods and smiles.

                "Why didn't you fuck him I wouldn't have minded?"

                "Huh?"

                "You brought him back here and we finished off another bottle of wine before he went, he didn't seem to want to go though."

I look round the living room and sure enough there are three glasses and under one is a number and a name, I smile to myself, I've still got it!

                "Have you spoken to Mel?"

                "I sent her a text when I got here and then when I got home, at, where's my phone?  Oh found it, text was sent at ten past four, she didn't reply."

                "Ma called, we need to book a cab for there and back and we need to be there by one, you hit the shower first."

TREEHOUSE

GARAGE

ZEE

                "Seriously how fucked off was I when I ordered this thing?"

I'm looking at the bean bag box that we were hoping to get delivered to Emmy Lou's but by the time we remembered to change it, it was too late. 

                "I really hope most of it is packaging."  I wince.

                "If not then we just swap cars."  Faal kisses the side of my neck.  "The answer was very.  Are you sure you are okay now?"

I nod and flash him a grin and scrunch up my nose still slightly embarrassed by the purchase.

                "Papa Bear is griping apparently."  Faal chuckles.

                "It was his idea." 

                "Yeah Queen reminded him of that, twice!"

BROWNSTONE

KITCHEN

MEL

                "Will you two come on?!"

I wait as the thunderous noise heralds the descent of my children and my heart aches a bit but I know Brian will keep his promise.

                "Do you know what they're cooking?" 

                "Nope, now come on...wait the wine!  You guys go on ahead I'll catch you up."

I head back to the wine fridge and go to take the wine that Faal wanted and notice that four bottles are missing and I know ‘we' haven't drunk them, quickly grabbing the remaining bottles I head to the basement and put them in the armoire cupboard and shake my head.  They were their wedding wines and it is clearly marked!

Quickly locking the room I see that Gus has streaked on ahead and Jenny is waiting for me.

                "Mom, can I ask you something?"

                "Indeed you can."

                "Have you and Aunt Leda been anything other than friends?" 

Of all the questions I was expecting that wasn't it.

                "Um, we were a long time ago, before your momma.  Why?"

                "Nothing, well I'm glad that you still are that's all."

                "So am I sweetheart, so am I.  Now let's catch up with your brother.  Gus wait for us!"

VINCE'S APARTMENT - BEHIND BRITIN

VINCE

Okay my girl is here, she's the most beautiful woman in the world to me, but she is messy!

                "Uh Daph I know there is a floor somewhere, do you think you can help me find it?"

                "Mmph?"  She has a mouthful of toothbrush.

I point to her strew about clothes in my bedroom, she has the decency to look embarrassed.

                "One minute, I'll tidy up in a minute, I was looking for my blue top.  I could've sworn I packed it."

                "Hanging up in the wardrobe, I had a feeling you would want to wear it today, so I pressed it and hung it up."

She stares at me in awe.

                "You are the sweetest man, no wonder I love you." 

She heads back to the bathroom and shuts the door, and then there is silence.

                "Uh Daph, did you just say what I think you just did?"

Silence.

                "Daph you can't get out of the window as it doesn't open wide enough so I know you're still in there."

I can hear a soft thumping and grin to myself, she's head-thumping and most probably saying stupid-stupid-stupid to herself.  I push open the door and sure enough she's bouncing her head on the towel covered toilet seat. 

I sit down next to her and ping her bra strap.

                "I love you too.  Now go tidy up."

GARAGE

VINCE

                "Ready gentlemen?  Alice, George and Daph are going to be in the following car."

It takes Mr T about 3 seconds to squeal.

                "Daph!  Where?  Brian why do you keep doing this, not that I don't love you for it!"

Mr K looks equally stunned.

                "Again not me.  Let's go you can catch up with her when we get there."  He grins at me.  "You are getting sneakier and sneakier Mr Chapel."

                "I was only obeying instructions Mr K."  I smile back.

DEBS & CARL'S

CARL

Most of the family are here, we're waiting for Michael, Lindsay, the Treehouse and Britin residents.  And judging by the squealing I think we have an extra guest.

                "Hi papa bear!"  Daph gives me a hug and a squeeze before she's swept into the kitchen.

                "Oh my goodness when did you get here!"  Red demands.

                "Last night, I have been instructed to say nothing of the raison d'etre until all parties are..."

She stops talking as she has just noticed Miss Scarlett and Rhett.

                "They are just the cutest, after Lilah and Milo of course, furballs ever!"  She gasps hunkering down.

                "Wait you haven't seen ours yet."  Faal calls from the door coming in grinning.

She doesn't know what to do first hug him or check the boxes, she goes for a clumsy combination of both.

                "Meet Storm and Claude."

                "Okay this is not going to fit through the fucking door!  It's definitely going back."  Zee huffs

I get up to check what is happening and she's standing staring at an enormous box and the front door, I dread to think what is in it.  Soon Red comes to see what the delay is and frowns.

                "Take it round the back honey we can bring it in via the decking, whatever the fuck it is."

Ten minutes later the car arrives at the back and we manage to haul it onto the table at least.

                "Yeah still not going to work.  Look let's forget it.  We'll just send it back."  She sighs.

                "Now where's this defeatist attitude come from?"  Leda asks grinning as she comes up the stairs.

I turn to her, she's been staying at Jennifer's trying to fix her bike for the last few days, and smile.

                "What's in there anyway?"  She asks.

                "A faux fur giant bean bag.  Don't ask I was angry shopping."

Leda nods and when I look at Drew he just shakes his head and Faal raises his eyebrows.

                "Uh shouldn't we let them out to at least say hi to each other?"  Jenny asks.  "And um put their stuff somewhere?"

I send Brian and Faal to do the honours and hope that WWIII doesn't break out.

                "Is this it, oh my God how many are in there?"  Ems gapes.

                "One, ah fuck it let's just hope most of it is packaging and try and squish it in."

                "Or maybe take some of the beads out for example."  Matt suggests.  "It was just an idea."

She grins at him and we start attacking the box and an enormous fake fur cushion is pulled out, she frowns and checks the paperwork and huffs an angry breath.

                "Now isn't that the most gorgeous thing!  Bring it inside, I have just the place for it!"

She looks at me and I look at her, Ems looks crushed.  We follow Red to the lounge and after doing a bit of rearranging the cushion is put in front of the sofa and immediately Gus and Jenny sit down moulding themselves into it, swiftly followed by Hunter and Matt.

                "This is gorgeous grandma where'd you get it, so comfy."  Gus calls out.

                "There see how it works perfectly, it's only for when the family is over though Carl not for when you and your buddies want to watch the game!  Now commis come on, we've got sloppy joes with slow braised ox cheek, spiced turkey burgers with pea guacamole, broad bean and mint panzanella with burrata and other fixings to prepare but before we do any of that...not that I don't love her to bits but why is Daphne here?"

She looks at Brian who holds his hands up.

                "Not my doing."

She turns to Zee and nods sagely.

                "Wedding discussion...okay you four outside, heating's on."  She orders.  "Right let's get this food show on the road."

DEBS

I love my new cushion but I think I may have stolen it from under Ems's nose, judging by the longing looks he's giving it.

                "Uh Zee was that for Ems?" 

                "Yeah it was but don't worry, we'll just get him another one when we order ours...what a happy accident that was."  She chuckles.

                "Speaking of happy.  News has reached that you've not been for the past few days, glad to see you smiling now.  And speaking of happy, is it me or is Mel being a little vigorous with the vegetables?"

She turns to look at Mel who ever so often looks at the door and then her watch, her frown deepening.

                "Hi everyone!"  Lindsay calls out once she's let in

                "Where's Michael?"  I ask.

                "Paying for the cab, ooh I'm starving is there anything to nibble on?" 

She breezes into the kitchen and goes to kiss Mel but one look from her stops her.

                "Hi momma, how was Babylon?"  Jenny asks.  "Grandpa would like another beer."

                "Babylon?  You were at Babylon Lindsay?"  Daph pokes her head through the door. 

                "Daphne.  I didn't realise you were going to be here, what a surprise.  Yes Michael and I went out last night, I was his wing woman."

The man in question comes in and says hello.

                "Ma is there anything to eat right now, we're starving.  Lindsay and I went out last night and all we've had so far is coffee and Advil, it was quite a night wasn't it Lindz?"

                "Indeed it was and you'll never guess who we bumped into?"

                "Todd."  Blake calls out.

                "Uh...yes how'd you know?"  Lindsay asks.

                "Arnold told me.  How'd you guys end up in Popperz?  Oh how's your ear Michael?" 

I hear a snickering from Justin before he's kissed quiet by Brian.

                "What the hell were you doing in that skankhole, only things that goes in there are trolls and trainwrecks...apart from you guys obviously."  I correct quickly.

                "So did the wing woman work her magic?"  Leda asks sipping on some wine.

                "Yes actually I did meet someone."

                "That's great news honey you can tell us all about him over lunch.  Now here have a nut bar each."

I push them out of the kitchen and get back to cooking.  Hunter lopes in, looking round hopefully.

                "Hey want me to fix you two a grilled cheese?"  Zee asks.

He grins at her and heads back to Matt.  Less than five minutes later she heads over to him with a plate.

                "Uh why didn't we get one of those?"  I hear Michael ask.

                "Because you didn't ask."  Zee growls out and stalks back into the kitchen.

                "Uh Lindsay can I have a word please?"  Mel calls putting on her coat and handing Lindsay hers.

MEL

                "What the hell were you thinking?"

                "What, you were invited Mel, you chose not to come."  She shrugs her shoulders.

                "No I mean what the hell were you thinking taking the wedding wine to Michael's last night?"

                "I didn't realise it was the wedding wine I just grabbed the first bottles I saw..."

                "On the bottom two shelves separated off and underneath the label that clearly said "wedding wine please do not drink"?"

                "I'm sure they can get more wine for Brian and Justin..."

                "Brian and...no it's not for their wedding it was from Faal and Zee's wedding!  And to make sure you don't make that mistake again, I have moved the rest of them out of harms reach.  Is there any left?"

                "Oh!  One bottle, it's still at Michael's."

                "Well Ms Wing Woman you had better get Michael to go back and get it."  I snap.

                "Mel I really don't think..."

                "It was from their wedding Lindz, their hard fought wedding.  You have to own up to your mistake and replace them.  Now go get Michael to get it."

She calls Michael out and explains what's happened.

                "I'm not going back to get it now, I can bring it over another day."  He pouts

                "Yes you will or did she drink it by herself?"  I snap

                "Not going back to get what?"  Carl comes out startling us.

I explain what's happened and he calls Vince who drives Michael back immediately. 

                "Zee, Faal can we have a word please?"  I call out.

They come out and look expectantly at us.

                "Out with it there's a game to watch."  Faal prompts.

                "We-Well it seems that I made a slight mistake last night when I took some wine from the house to Michael's."

                "What you took red instead of white?"  Faal frowns

                "Please tell me you didn't take our wedding wine?"  Zee growls.

                "Yes, 4 bottles but we've got one left and Michael's gone to get it now.  I'm..."

                "Four?!  How could you make that mistake, it was separated off and the labels clearly indicate on the fucking bottles that they are our wedding wine!  Or don't you check what you're drinking before you pour it down your fucking neck?!"

                "I'm so sorry, truly I am.  Look I will replace them, where did you get them from and how much were they?"

                "South Africa and fucking priceless!"  She snarls before heading back inside.

                "Faal, seriously how much were they?"  Carl asks.

                "Like she said priceless.  Mel could you..."

                "Already done."

                "Thank you."

Vince must have driven like the wind because he's back within 15 minutes and I take the bottle off him, heading inside I hand it to Faal who takes it with a small smile.  I head back to the kitchen and squeeze Zee's arm she sighs heavily but does smile back.

The rest of lunch prep was quiet apart from the occasional suggestion from Debs over the wedding invitations, in the end we send her and Jennifer outside to help them make the crucial decisions.

FAAL

Oh I am so fucking cross!  Yes we can get some more but that's not the fucking point!  Zee seems to be calmer, which is starting to calm me down, how can you take 4 bottles for fuck sake!

DEBS

"Look we've got just an hour until lunch, why doesn't someone take Rhett and Miss Scarlett for a walk and then we eat?"

"We'll go!"  Brian and Justin yell at the same time.

"No you won't.  We actually want them walked in the fresh air not you two go to the loft put them on the treadmill and go fuck."  I stop them

"We can take them."  Matt volunteers and Hunter vaults out of the cushion.

"And the same goes for you, now that you have that idea in your head!"

"Gus and I can take them."  Jenny volunteers.

"Okay be back in 45 minutes."  I tell them.

"Faal can I have that?"  Mel asks taking a bottle from him. 

She calls Jenny back and closes the door too before coming back in with a smile.

                "Sorted.  She'll text you Faal." 

Forty five minutes later two exhausted puppies have joined the cats on the vacated cushion and we are all round the table.

EMS

                "Debs I have to say I'm loving the sloppy joes, shame they can't be used in our catering business..."

                "And speaking of catering business.  Emmy Lou and I have an announcement to make, well we have two and then I have one no actually two."  Zee grins.

                "The suspense is killing us."  Michael mutters luckily Zee doesn't hear but Matt glares at him

        "And it is not up for debate so don't even try.  E&ZHoD are catering your wedding and Aunt Dee is doing the wedding breakfast."  I tell them.

        "What?"  Justin gasps.  "You're not serious!  You've done so much already, you can't!"

        "Ahem, I haven't done anything thank you very much!  This is my present to you, Zee is merely along for the ride and Aunt Dee insisted and you wouldn't want to cross her now would you?  So I need a menu by mid-March so we can recipe test and run through before we go to New York okay?  We may need to use Britin or the Treehouse for that though."

        "Emmy Lou that's um yeah menu no problem and yeah use Britin."  Brian mumbles.

        "Oh wait when you say recipe test does that mean we..."  Jenny looks hopeful

        "Of course the family has to test!  Now the stag dos these will be the Thursday before the weekend in New York that way we get the toxins out.  Location to be advised on the day.   Now fittings for wedding outfits, I will not repeat what Brian said outside, but these will take place on the Friday before New York, so those in the wedding party really do need to book that day off, apart from Gus and Jenny, but you will be fitted on the Monday.  Daph do you have anything to add right now?"

        "Hair appointments for the ladies, we've spoken to David and Charles and they are going to find some good places and email them to me and I will also be sorting out hotels for those not staying in the Qube."

        "What?  I thought all members of the wedding party were staying there."  Michael interrupts.

        "All those doing something for the wedding and their guests will be staying there yes.  But unless invited wedding guests will not."  She smiles at him brightly.  "And I think that's me done."

        "Actually I have something to say about the honeymoon.  We will be stocking up for you so can we have a list of food and drink, beam is a given, that you want delivered."  Faal grins at them.

Brian and Justin are just nodding.

                "Now Zee you wanted to say something else?"

                "Yes this has nothing to do with the wedding and everything to do with Hunter.  You all know about the Kirkidan find, well they were going to be displayed in Bloom yesterday.  But because of the huge interest, the fact that Hunter was resting and that Melody Reichmann couldn't make it; Bloom and Uptown are going to have a joint showing of them and some of my, now I guess, other pieces in two Friday's time and Lydia wants you to present the show like you did for Justin but with Uncle Luc co-hosting with you."

Hunter freezes in mid chew.

                "Wow that's great but why is Uncle Luc hosting with me?" 

Zee grins at him.

                "You're new to the art world, so you're not au fait with who's who unlike Lindz who's been around for years, so why don't you tell him Lindz."

                "Uncle Luc is better known in the art world as Lucian Charles Stark one of the foremost art collectors in Portland."

                "You are fucking with me!  That's him?!"

                "No and yes."  Zee smiles proudly.

                "Wow Lindz you must be so excited about this!"  Mel beams.

                "I would be but unfortunately, I won't be able to attend."  She sighs.

                "Oh why not?"  Zee frowns.

                "I won't be here, I've got an announcement of my own. I'm going to be on a gallery manager exchange programme for the next 6 weeks and so will be in, Toronto that day."

                "You're doing a gallery exchange programme with a gallery in Toronto?"  Mel looks concerned.

                "No the gallery is in West Virginia but they have a joint showing in Toronto, which I have to organise.  I am so disappointed to miss it."

BRIAN

I look quickly at Zee and wink.