Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

 

CHAPTER 11 - THIS IS HOW NEW YEAR'S IS DONE...ACCORDING TO LINDZ

 

BROWNSTONE - EARLY NEW YEAR'S EVE MORNING

 

2ND MASTER BEDROOM

 

LINDZ

 

Okay everything is going to be okay!  Let me check the weather.  Right snow is not going to be a problem.  And breathe Lindz as Emmett would say breathe.

 

              "Mel are you awake?"

 

She doesn't respond.

 

              "Mel!"  I whisper sharply.

 

              "What is it and what the fuck time is it?"  She mumbles as she turns to face me.

 

              "It's time to set up for our party and it's 0630.  So come on let's go!"

 

              "Lindz at the risk of being, oh let me see realistic, the party doesn't start until eight and the food is not being delivered until five and at Ems's house, so why in fuck's name are we ‘going' anywhere right now?"

 

I sigh and flop back down.

 

              "Sorry I'm just so excited about this, though I still can't believe I made that mistake with the invite, but like I said it's too late now.  They are going to stay in their part of the house and don't interrupt the adults until the bells chime but hopefully most will be asleep by then."

 

              "Mmm whatever you say Madam Hostess but right now I am going back to sleep for at least another hour."

 

              "Mel, you're supposed to be co-hosting this with me remember.  Not that you've put much into this of course..."

 

              "Okay since you're not going to let this rest, let me get some coffee and then you can tell me what we are doing."

 

              "That's the spirit!  You're going to love this evening, it is going to be an elegant refined affair."  I sigh.

 

She just looks at me and shakes her head before going to the bathroom and then downstairs. 

 

Settling down, I hope her mood improves by the party, I take out my folder and soon she's back up with coffee and juice.

 

              "Right here's the list of guests..."

 

              "Michael and David are going to be there?  Don't you remember what happened the last time they were in the same room together?  Wowsers Lindz this is impressive, all sounds delicious.  But what about the food for the kids?  Teenagers are not going to want to eat bite sized food they will want pizzas, burgers, fries that kind of thing..."

 

              "They can order that in the evening..."

 

She turns and looks at me sceptically.

 

              "Pizza delivery on New Year's Eve and it's a Friday?" 

 

              "Maybe the catering company can do something special?"  I ponder.

 

              "You could ask them I suppose..."  She nods slowly.

 

              "So what are the kids going to be doing in their area?  Whilst we mingle and make polite conversation?"

 

              "They will be in the games room and there's a karaoke machine being delivered." 

 

              "Why are you doing this?"  She asks me.

 

              "What this party because I want to reconnect with our friends and make new ones..."

 

              "You can do that any time, why are you doing this today?  Don't you think it would've been nice to see the New Year in quietly with just the four of us here as a family?"

 

              "Five of us including Michael?"  She corrects.

 

              "Uh no you need to read the tenancy agreement, he's not allowed to stay here.  Now the drinks, do you think..."

 

              "What do you mean he's not allowed, he has the right to see Jenny anytime, and..."

 

              "Keep your voice down.  This is Zee and Faal's home and they're not enamoured by him so that was one of the stipulations and Matt and Hunter will also be here, also not big fans.   Besides he has his place in Shadyside, remember you got it for him.  Or they can stay at Debs or at a push at Ben's.  And don't play the rights card he's not exactly exercised it a lot since she's been here has he?"

 

"I can't believe how cruel she is being denying Jenny access to her father!"  She harshly whispers.

 

"Denying access to...don't be so melodramatic Lindz.  They, not she, they are not doing that at all, they're restricting his access to their home and that is their right.  Now come on let's focus on this soiree of ours hmmm."

 

              "Yes, okay, so drinks for adults and the kids."

 

I'm glad that Mel is finally taking an interest in this but I need to have a word with Debbie.  This is not fair, not fair on Michael at all.

 

BRITIN

 

DAPH'S ROOM

 

Whoever is knocking at my door had better have a good excuse!  I smile when a mop of blonde hair pokes round the door and the smell of coffee hits me.

 

              "Alright, I'm awake."

 

He beams at me and I let him in the bed to keep it warm whilst I go brush my teeth.

 

              "So what's up?  Sleep well?"  He hands me the coffee

 

              "Known you since you were 3 what do you want?"  I eye him carefully.

 

              "Please tell me, please!"  He begs.

 

              "No the less people know the better."  I refuse sternly.

 

              "But how do you know it's going to work whatever it is you are doing with Emmy Lou and without me your best friend..."  

 

              "Oh it will work...trust me.  Now what are you going to be wearing?"

 

              "Well the dress code says avant-garde so I'm going just going for a masque.  What about you?"

 

              "Just the masque and a bustier and some plain black pants.  The thing is what is Brian going to wear, he will look good in avant-garde.  You know the long frock coat in brocade maybe, those skin tight trousers cut just below the knee, maybe in leather and a cane and..."

 

Justin has gone very quiet and has a glazed expression on his face.

 

              "See you later Daph."  He mumbles and hurries out.

 

              "So easy to distract."  I mutter to myself and snuggle back under the blankets.

 

SHADYSIDE

 

MICHAEL

 

Avant-garde what the hell does that mean?  Time to make friends with google...oh that's what it is, well I am not going the whole hog I will just do a white shirt, black pants and a masque I think. 

 

Anyway, I have finally finished tidying up the room for Jenny.  I have my outfit for tonight and I am hoping to go with Lindz and Mel so at least I don't have to drive too far, or maybe I can stay at ma's for the night.  I guess they will be having a car service provided for them, yep that's a plan.

 

I'm still surprised that she's letting the kids come to this, should be interesting.  Apparently, Ben and Steve took Jenny dress shopping.

 

I want to look my very best so I am going to have a nap, collect my masque and begin my mission to get back with Ben, in a way I do miss him not in the way I miss Brian of course.

 

DINER - EARLY AFTERNOON

 

DEBS

 

              "Hi Lindz!  How you doing looking forward to your soiree tonight!"

 

She takes a seat and waits for me, luckily we are winding down now so there's not that many people, most are just carb loading in advance of the parties tonight.  Brian said he would have to pass in Babylon before he gets to Emmett's just to give the place the Kinney check over, and would meet us there. 

 

I take a seat opposite her and watch as she fiddles with her napkin.

 

              "Out with it."  I demand.

 

She sighs and looks up at me worriedly.

 

              "Look, I know that Zee is our friend and she has her reasons but don't you think it's a little unfair for her to ban Michael from the Brownstone?"

 

              "What?!  Where did you hear this?" 

 

Just then the lady in question comes in arm and arm with Carl.

 

              "A word with you young lady!"  I tell her sharply.  "Have a seat and explain how you could do such a thing?"

 

Her gaze goes from me to Lindz and back again and she sighs.

 

              "I'll stand.  What's this about?"  Her tone is deadly.

 

              "Lindz tells me that you've banned Michael from the Brownstone, I know you have your issues with him and I understand that but that's really..."

 

              "Banned?  Lindz really?  You got banned from our conversation this morning?" 

 

Mel's voice cuts across me.

 

              "I know it was early but come on.  Banned."

 

              "Well you said that she said that he couldn't come to the Brownstone..."  Lindz begins

 

              "No, that's not what I said.  I said that they, not she, they said that he could not stay at the Brownstone.  That's the key word there Lindz ‘stay'.  Yes he can visit but he can't stay.  Zee would never try and keep Jenny away from Michael."

 

              "Are we done here?"  Zee asks her voice full of hurt, hurt I put there.

 

              "Zee..."

 

              "Are we done?"  She repeats.

 

              "Yes."  I sigh heavily.

 

              "Zee, wait please say you'll be there tonight, please?  Please?"  Mel pleads with her.

 

She pauses by the door and just nods before leaving.

 

              "I'm sorry I just..."  Lindz rambles her face bright red

 

              "It's not me you should be apologising to!"  I snap at her.   "See you tonight around eight thirty.  Come on Carl, I have a sweet girl to make-up to!"

 

CARL

 

I don't say a word as I follow Red out, she's scanning the streets looking frantically for Zee, hoping, I guess, that she's not got too far.

 

              "So how about you call her and apologise?"  I suggest.

 

              "No this has to be done face to face.  There!  Zee!  Wait, please wait!"  She calls out.

 

Zee stops, turns round and waits.  We dash to catch her up and before she could speak Red pulls her into her arms and kisses her cheek and holding her at arm's length tells her firmly.

 

              "I forgot who I was speaking to and who was speaking to me.  I'm so very sorry please forgive me.  I hurt you and I know that and I will never, ever do it again."

 

              "Promise?"  Her voice is so small.

 

              "Promise.  And Carl will make sure I keep it right?"  She tells me.

 

              "I promise, the moment it looks like she's going to do something like that, I will shut her down, I promise?  Now can we put this behind us and see in the New Year in style?"

 

She nods and I pull her into my arms and feel the little trembles as she cries.

 

MEL

 

              "Lindz if she isn't there tonight.  You and I are going to have a major problem!" 

 

I hiss and stalk out calling Daph on the way.

 

              "Can you do me a favour, can you and Ems get ready at the Treehouse.  I'll explain later but can you?  Thanks Daph."

 

 BRITIN

 

DAPH

 

              "Hey Emmy Lou, just had a weird call from Mel, she wants us to get ready at the Treehouse.  You can, great oh you and Drew can.  Ooh will this be like when you went to Babylon!  Okay will let her know!"

 

BOYD HONEYCUTT HOUSEHOLD

 

EMMY LOU

 

              "Drewsie, we are going to pick up Daph and then get ready at the Treehouse.  Mitchell you know Lindsay is coming at about four to start the set-up, remember once she's here let her take charge and leave her to it."

 

              "With pleasure Sir, with pleasure, now you and Master Drew enjoy your evening."  Mitchell grins.

 

I grab all our things and head out, I'm so looking forward to tonight.

 

BEN & HUNTER'S HOUSE

 

BEN

 

I'm looking forward to this evening, simply because it heralds a new start a fresh clean slate, well it would be a fresher and cleaner slate if he would just sign the divorce papers.  Steve is getting ready here and it will be our first official night together in my home.  Mine. 

 

I'm a bit nervous, yes we've slept together but not here and I'm so glad I got rid of the bed, it would've just been too grim. 

 

The plan is to get ready here and then head to Emmy Lou's and then tomorrow we spend the day together the morning on our own before we collect Taylor.

 

He's here.  He looks so good.

 

              "Hi.  I bought...mmmph"

 

I crash my lips on his and drag him unprotestingly upstairs.

 

BOYD HONEYCUTT RESIDENCE

 

MITCHELL

 

Ah here's the karaoke machine an interesting array of music they have there. 

 

The caterers are here with the food it all looks delightful though and the menu is elegant and mouth-watering, they are starting to lay out the tables.  I am called downstairs to assist with the ovens and to direct them to the games room so they can lay out for the teenagers. 

 

Lindsay has arrived and has already affected that Lady of the Manor persona. 

 

              "Good afternoon Miss Lindsay.  Master Emmett has told me that I was to leave the rest of the preparations in your capable hands and retire for the evening.  I hope your soiree is the success it deserves to be."

 

              "Ms Lindsay it's Ms Lindsay.  And it will be.  That will be all."  She heads off upstairs.

 

I have been a butler over 15 years and I have never met such an uppity slappable bitch in my life.  Time to smile Mitchell time to smile and leave!

 

BROWNSTONE

 

MEL

 

              "Come on kids we've got to get ready.  Are your friends meeting you there?"

 

              "No here.  But mom how are we getting there?"  Jenny asks.

 

              "What do you mean, hasn't your momma organised a car service or a cab?"

 

They shake their heads.

 

"How many cabs do you think you will need about 2?" 

 

I take a deep breath and give them the money for the cabs. 

 

              "Get there for eight not a minute later!  Right I'm off see you later.  Hey Lindz, what?  Right have you tried Emmett's number, don't shout at me it's not my fault there wasn't enough glasses!  I was on my way, you keep trying Emmett."

 

I look at my watch and again my phone goes.

 

              "Lindz I am on my...oh Zee, hey look please say you are coming.  Oh thank goodness!  What you're going to do what?  Oh you are a lifesaver thank you, the thought of them taking a cab just scared me thank you thank you!  I don't suppose Emmy Lou got there yet, apparently there's not enough glasses and she can't get hold of Mitchell and...again lifesaver!"

 

BOYD HONEYCUTT HOUSEHOLD

 

LINDZ

 

Where the hell is Mel?  I need to get ready and finally Emmett has returned my call and told me where some more glasses can be found.  I told the caterer the extra people for fuck sake.  Finally, she's here!

 

              "Where the hell have you been?"  I snap.

 

              "Trying to feed our kids, find time to have a bath and deal with all the other stuff you left me before you came here.  Oh and having to leave the kids money for cabs to bring them here that you didn't think to organise.  And how is everyone else in the family going to get here?"

 

              "I'm not dignifying that with an answer.  Now that you are here, let's get dressed and ready to greet our guests.  I'm pretty sure that all crisis have been averted and we can now relax and have a wonderful time."

 

I turn on my heels and goes upstairs, but Mel's voice stops me.

 

              "In case you're wondering Matt overheard the cab conversation between me and the kids.  Zee is sending a car service for them, so you have to say sorry and thank you!"

 

A couple of hours later I finally feel the butterflies of excitement as I smell the food and hear the soothing music, soon my, I mean our, guests will arrive. 

 

I head downstairs when I hear the doorbell go and wait in the upper lounge and wait and wait.  The doorbell goes again.

 

              "Mitch...oh fuck!  Mel!"  I cry out to her.

 

              "What!"

 

              "Our first guests are here!"

 

              "Right so what's the problem?"

 

              "Mitchell's not here!"  I hiss at her.

 

              "Lindz go and answer the fucking door!"  I hiss back.

 

I paste on a smile and head to the door and pull it open.

 

              "Lindsay how are you!  I was beginning to think you were going to leave us out here!"

 

              "Francine and Emily how lovely to see you again come in come in!" 

 

I take them upstairs and Mel hands them champagne.  Before I could even take a sip of my glass the door goes again but this time Mel answers it and it is Caroline and Sarah and their son Clifford. 

 

By the time the bell goes for the sixth time my teeth are on edge.  Mel opens it to Daphne, the kids, Emmett and Drew.  Emmett quickly shows the kids to the downstairs area and sweeps upstairs saying hello to various people and introducing Drew. 

 

The waiters are milling with drinks and I can see feel myself relaxing.  Again with that fucking doorbell! 

 

              "If you'll excuse me one moment." 

 

And of course it's Zee and Faal. 

 

              "Lindz you look nice."  Faal says politely.

 

Again the doorbell.

 

              "Lindz, just an idea why don't you get one of the waiters to answer the door that way you can entertain your guests.  And also maybe one to do something about the coats piling up over there.  Come my lig, let's get a drink."

 

They head upstairs hand in hand.  Seething I grab the first waiters I can and tell them what to do. 

 

              "Where shall I put the coats?"  My new coat check guy asks.

 

              "See that closet put them in there!"  I snap and head upstairs.

 

I head back upstairs feeling more relaxed and as more guests and the rest of the family arrive I feel better and I am glad that most of the guests make some effort to stick to the theme.  Well all except Michael, who has made no effort whatsoever, having abandoned the masque he had on the moment he got a drink.  David and his guest arrive with their son Hank, who is immediately taken downstairs.

 

              "David and who is this lovely..."

 

              "David, Charles how are you both, lovely to see you again."  Mel interrupts me.  "You remember Charles Lindz he was at the engagement dinner."

 

              "Of course, my..."

 

              "Why the hell would I want your empty glass?"  I can hear the grating tone of Michael.

 

              "Could you excuse me a minute...?"

 

              "Well I'm not the fucking waiter!"  He snaps to a fellow guest and stalks off.

 

              "Michael a word."

 

I tug him to one side.

 

              "What is wrong with you?!"

 

              "That's the 3rd person who's asked me where the bathroom is or wants me to take his or her fucking coat do I look like a fucking waiter!"  He snaps.

 

              "Well yes, yes you do! Now I suggest you stick to water for a while!"

 

              "Lindsay don't you look nice?"  Jennifer's voice stops my tirade.

 

              "As do you Jennifer and you too Tucker.  Now if you'll excuse me I do believe we should serve the food."

 

I head for Mel and tell her to let the waiters know about that.  She gives me a baleful look but heads to the kitchen and within minutes the food is coming up and hot on one side and cold on the other.

 

              "Ladies and gentlemen the food is now being served!  Please do feel free to help yourselves and the menus are on the side!"

 

As I take a calming glass of champagne and stand back to survey the success of my party I hear laughing, then Emmett comes over to me clutching a menu:

 

              "Um Lindz did you check and double check the menu before you approved it for printing?" 

 

              "Yes of course I did why?"

 

              "You might want to read it again!"

 

              "Oh for heaven sake, just tell me what's causing your conniptions."

 

He narrows his eyes at me.

 

              "Well apparently you are serving two interesting canapés, one is a prick terrine with prickallili ketchup and the other is mini sweetcum fritters.  And one of your bowl foods is Nasi gonorrhoea with fried quims eggs and deep fried onions."

 

I snatch the menu from him and read it with increasing horror.

 

              "So Lindz how many pricks did you have to cut up for the terrine, was it something you did yourself of did you round up a pussy I mean posse of lesbians to help you..."  Emily snickers.

 

       "Clearly this is a printing error and you should just ignore the menu."  I snap back

 

       "Though that being said I've never seen gonorrhoea look so appetising."  Daphne comments

 

       "So where do you get quims eggs these days?"  Vince chortles.

 

       "I am going to check on the children!"  I almost shriek and run downstairs.

 

I have never been so embarrassed in all my life!

 

              "Are you kids okay?"  I call out to Gus.

 

He nods and smiles so I calm down and head back upstairs to discover that the menu faux pas has been largely forgotten and people are just eating the food.  As I pass by one group, I hear one of them say.

 

              "Food's great but the atmosphere is like a morgue."

 

              "Do you remember the party we held at your house when we were together David?"

 

No inside I'm screaming no!  I heard about this party and the last thing I want is for a trip down memory lane by Michael Novotny.

 

              "Yes and you behaved like a brat then too."  Was his caustic response.

 

Can this get any fucking worse I think to myself.

 

              "Hello sugarlips."  A familiar drawl runs across my already frayed nerves.

 

              "Leda!"  Mel cries out.

 

This is not happening!  I turn to see Mel being swooped into the arms of her ex. 

 

              "Leda how lovely to see you again.  I had no idea you were back in Pittsburgh." 

 

I say once they have disentangled themselves from each other.

 

              "I'm just passing through to visit some friends and got a call about this shindig.  I didn't know you gals were back in town!  Oh wait, there's my man now, what the fuck, Ugerstacht get your ass over here!"

 

Faal's eyes light up and it gives me great pleasure to watch him ditch Zee in a heartbeat and rush to Leda's side.

 

              "Le-le!  What the hell are you doing here, I thought we weren't seeing you until Sunday!"

 

              "Le-le?"  Mel and I repeat.

 

              "Yep that is what I call her.  Have known her for about 8 years now."

 

              "Do you think I can have at her now?"  Zee asks.  "Come here you gorgeous thing!" 

 

              "Let me introduce you to some new friends we have made..."  Faal pulls her to the group.

 

              "Old ones for me.  Hi guys."

 

              "Old ones, what do you mean?"  Faal is looking from her to the group and back again.

 

              "Remember the Mel I told you about?  Well she's behind me."

 

              "No fucking way!"  Zee looks at Mel who nods and then looks embarrassed.

 

              "Um, why don't you guys catch up tomorrow, this is Lindsay's night after all."  Jennifer interjects.

 

Finally someone, albeit an unlikely someone, has remembered it is my fucking party!

 

MEL

 

              "I hate to say this but I'm still a bit hungry, is there any more food?"  Daph asks me.

 

I have a feeling there isn't as when I went for seconds there was nothing left it looked like a heard of locusts had been through it. 

 

              "Let me check with Lindz."

 

"Uh Lindz, people are still hungry, is there more food coming?"

 

"Let me just have a quick word with Emmett."  She replies

 

              "Uh Emmy Lou, there seems to be a food issue."  I sigh.

 

              "Is there that's a shame?"  He snarks.

 

              "Emmett..."

 

              "No Lindz, I lend you my home and try and help and you accuse me of having conniptions!  And one of the advantages of having a conniption in my house is that despite you being the hostess of this shindig you can't throw me out.  Now excuse me, I am going to my kitchen to make myself something to eat!  Anybody else hungry?!"

 

Everyone turns tail and follows him downstairs, with Lindz bringing up the rear.  I watch her harness her inner WASP and approach Emmett again.

 

              "Emmett at least let me help..."

 

              "Lindz, sweetie no.  I've got this.  Now why don't you be a good guest and have a seat!" 

 

He whispers harshly and immediately rifles in his freezer.

 

              "Hey mom what you doing down here?  You guys run out of food too?"  Matt saunters in.

 

I can feel accusing eyes stabbing into Lindz but I can't feel sorry for her it was too much to take on in such a short space of time. 

 

              "Actually, you know what would be good if we all banded as a group, one big party and did some food, what do you say guys?"  Emmett calls out. 

 

              "Hang on I'll go get them Auntie Em." 

 

Soon the kids have joined us.

 

              "So what do you want us to do?"   Hank asks.

 

Within minutes Emmett has a veritable feast going on and the atmosphere has lightened considerably.  Everyone is mingling apart from Lindz and Michael who have taken to sulking and talking amongst themselves in a corner, casting dark glances at Emmett and bizarrely Zee who has done nothing but be a guest.

 

              "Hey mom...karaoke off!"  Matt calls.

 

              "No, I would hate to have to wipe your eyes after I whip your ass!"

 

She calls back, causing laughter as she ‘flicks dirt off her shoulder' and smirks at him.

 

              "There's a karaoke machine in here, why didn't you say Lindz!"  Leda calls out.  "I love karaoke."

 

              "I was going for elegant and refined."

 

              "And what a snorefest that turned out to be though the menus were fun.  Can I take one home with me for posterity?"  Emily chortles. 

 

              "I think that's enough wine for Emily."  Lindz snarks.

 

              "Oh no Lindz, this is grape juice.  That was my opinion live and uncensored."

 

              "Yeah karaoke, let's do that!"  Zee leaps out of Faal's arms and leads everyone to the games room.

 

Once songs are selected and a mixture of pop and ballads have people singing along and booing some choices for being maudlin, everyone is having a good time.

 

It's then that I notice that Zee, Faal, Brian and Justin haven't been around for a while.  Neither have Hunter, Matt, Gus and Jenny.

 

              "Ahem, ladies and gentlemen.  May I have your attention please?"

 

 Zee calls out and the room goes quiet.

 

              "Earlier I was challenged by my son in a karaoke off and challenge has now been accepted.  Therefore, it begins.  The song choices have been made and they have elected to go first.  They are by the same artist, a rapper called T.I.*, their song is Swagger Like Us and ours is Swing Your Rag.  No, please wait until you hear the beat before you diss the song.  So without further ado the lo...teenagers"

 

Suddenly the room is filled with a throbbing baseline and then Matt, Gus and Jenny strutting across the makeshift stage. 

 

All of them

"No one on the corner has swagger like us"
"Swagger like us, swagger-swagger like us"

 

All of them

"No one on the corner has swagger like us"
"Swagger like us, swagger-swagger like us"

Hunter and Matt
("No one on the corner") Mr. West is in the building
Swagger on a hundred thousand trillion
("No one on the corner") Aiyyo I know I got it first
I'm Christopher Columbus, y'all just the pilgrims
Thanksgiving, do we even got a question?
Hermes pastel, I passed the dressing
My attitude is tattooed
That mean it's permanent, so I guess we should address it, huh?
("No one on the corner") My swagger is Mick Jagger
Every time I breathe on a track, I asthma attack it
Why he so mad for? Why he gotta have it?
Cause a slave my whole life, now I'm the master
Naaaaa-na-naaaaa
How it feel to wake up and be the shit, and the urine?
Naaaaa-na-naaaaa
Tryna get that Kobe number, one over Jordan

All of them

"No one on the corner has swagger like us"
"Swagger like us, swagger-swagger like us"

Matt
Yeah...
("No one on the corner") Got a bop like this
Can't wear skinny jeans cause my knots don't fit
No one on the corner got a pocket like this
So I rock Roc jeans cause my knots so thick
You can learn how to dress just for checking my fresh
Checking-checking my fresh, checking-checking my fresh
Follow my steps is the road to success
Where the niggas know you're thorough when the girls say yes (yes!)
("No one on the corner") But I can't teach 'em my swag
You can pay for school but you can't buy class
("No one on the corner") School of hard knocks I'm a grad
And that all-blue Yankee is my graduation cap
It's Hooooo-vahhhhh
Dippin-dippin Rovers, whippin with the soda
Hooooo-vahhhhh
Did you even have any doubt after doubt it was over?

All of them

"No one on the corner has swagger like us"
"Swagger like us, swagger-swagger like us"

Gus
No one on the corner has swagger like moi
Church, and I'm too clean for the choir
I require, but I desire
I got stripes, A-di-das
Mami scream, "Papi no mas!"
Run up in your shit just me, no mas
Running this shit like I got four thighs
No one has swagger like these four guys
Now when it comes to styles, I got several
Sharper than the swagger, dagger all metal
And my jew-els, blue and yellow
The type of shit that make 'em call you Carmelo
rules as follows stay true to the ghetto
Write your name on the bullet make you feel special
Ha! What the fuck you boys talking 'bout?
I know it's us cause we the only thing you talk about
And I'm gone... bye... yeah

All of them

"No one on the corner has swagger like us"
"Swagger like us, swagger-swagger like us"

Hunter
Hah, you see? That's right
Ay, you know see Weezy for the wordplay, Jeezy for the bird play
Kanyeezy for diversity and me for controversy
all my verses picture perfect, only spit to serve a purpose
You ain't living what you kicking then you worthless
Lookin from the surface it may seem like I got reason to be nervous
Been observant, work to see if my adversity was worth it
Verse is autobiographical, absolutely classical
Last thing I'm worried 'bout is what another rapper do
Ain't nobody hot as me
Even if they rap they ass off, blast off and have outstanding qualities
Sell a lot of records, I respect it and salute that
But spin real life on hot beats, I'm the truth at
You kick it like me, no exaggeration necessary
Living revolutionary, nothing less than legendary
Gangsta shit hereditary, got it from my dad
Flow colder than February with extraordinary swag

All of them

"No one on the corner has swagger like us"
"Swagger like us, swagger-swagger like us"
 

All of them

"No one on the corner has swagger like us"
"Swagger like us, swagger-swagger like us"

Gus [over the chorus]
Okay, yeah, that's right
Okay, yeah, so you notice huh
Hah, yeah, okay, tell 'em for me shawty
Yeah, that's right, yeah

 

Matt and Hunter have the rap stance down perfectly and when did Jenny learn to do the "oh no you didn't" fingers.  I look around and am happy to see Ben recording it on his phone and howling with laughter.  As the last lines of "yeah, that's right, yeah" fade out the room erupts with cheers and clapping.

 

              "Owned it!"  Matt teases his parents.

 

              "We'll see, young-un, we'll see.  And now this is how it's done."  Zee growls.

 

The room goes dark and then she is joined by Faal, Brian and Justin...what the fuck!

 

Zee
WOOOOOO!!!!!! Swizzy!!!
Need y'all to take y'all rags out man!
And let it swang! swang! swang! swang!
Swang! Swang! Swang! Swang!

Justin and Zee
Alright (Alright) OK (OK) I don't dance (I don't dance) no way
I just take my Louis rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Alright (Alright) OK (OK) I don't dance (I don't dance) no way
I just take my Louis rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round in the air
HEY! SWANG!

Faal
New Akoo outfit with a Gucci rag
Tied to my belt loop and my Louis bag
Full of stacks rubberbands round big cash
Got a sick swag tell the haters get mad, comeon
We in the club homes gettin our thug on
Bottles of Patron if you grown get your buzz on
We brought the broads out and brought the cars out
I'm like the moon I shine and bring the stars out
When it dark out, get the squad out
We ball hard sucker nigga eat your heart out
I'm too advanced super swag in my Louis pants
Falling on my Louis shoes, shirt match my Louis rag

Justin, Zee and Brian
Alright (Alright) OK (OK) I don't dance, no way
I just take my Louis rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Alright (Alright) OK (OK) I don't dance, no way
I just take my Louis rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round in the air

Faal and Brian
I Say, "Whoa kimosabe!", big balling is my hobby
I'm boppin while I'm walking, rag falling out my pocket
If big money ain't the topic, homie I ain't even talking
Hated on by the workers but I'm cool with all the bosses
Catch me flossing at the mall (mall), talking to a broad (broad)
She follow me in Gucci and I taught her how to ball
Three pair of shoes, four shirts, six rags
The chick said, "Dag, that's more than my bag!"
Shawty I can show you how to spend this bread real fast
Then get a group of chicks to give you head real fast
Silk scarf hanging out of my jeans
Naw homie, I ain't thinkin I'm just doing my thing!

Justin and Zee
Alright (Alright) OK (OK) I don't dance (I don't dance) no way
I just take my Louis rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Alright (Alright) OK (OK) I don't dance (I don't dance) no way
I just take my Louis rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round in the air
HEY SWANG!

Brian and Faal
I took some time off (okay), and now I'm back y'all (that's right)
You in the line at the club, I'm in the back dawg (haaah!)
And when this song on, ballers peel stacks off
And make it rain on them broads, watch them stacks fall
Aye, pull ya rag out, and wave it left right.
Let it sag with ya pants get ya swag just right
Ride Bankhead flare flying out the Benz
Once a fool with it we 'gon bring 'em out again

All of them
Alright (Alright) OK (OK) I don't dance (I don't dance) no way
I just take my Louis rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Alright (Alright) OK (OK) I don't dance (I don't dance) no way
I just take my Louis rag out and wave it 'round in the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round in the air
HEY SWANG!

 

 

And on each swang in the chorus they are whipping hankies round their heads whilst twirling their hips and on the last swang there is a massive hip thrust and the room just erupts with whoops, cheers, whistles and clapping.

 

              "Excuse me, silence please.  Matt...now it's owned!" 

 

Brian says and drops the mike as they strut off the stage.

 

              "Tell me please tell me I did not just imagine that!" 

 

David is laughing so hard that he can hardly breathe. 

 

              "Please, please, please tell me that someone got them both on film!"  Tucker is shouting.

 

              "Oh fuck yeah!"  Drew is wiping tears from his eyes.

 

LINDZ

 

I have never been so embarrassed in all my life!  I don't know what everyone is cheering about, he's clearly not thought about what impact this could have on his professional reputation!  I must speak to him immediately! 

 

As I make my way over to him, Jennifer grabs my arm and says something to me but I can't hear her so I allow her to pull me out of the kitchen.

 

              "I said the food waiters are going now as their time is up."

 

              "Oh okay, not a problem thanks Jennifer."

 

              "Where shall I get the wine waiter to wait?"

 

              "Oh he can go to, we'll be fine."

 

              "Are you sure, you won't want him for later on?  And what about their kit they can come and collect it tomorrow?"

 

              "Yes, yes that's fine he can go and they can come and collect it tomorrow...now if you will excuse me I need to speak to Brian." 

 

I pull away from her and head back to the kitchen but I can't see Brian anywhere.

 

       "Excuse me, Ted, have you seen Brian?"

 

       "What the one that was on stage, never in a million years!   Just how in the hell did they persuade him to do that?!"

 

       "That's what I mean the damage to his business reputation could be immense!" 

 

       "For doing karaoke?  Don't you think you are over reacting?"  Daphne asks.

 

       "And what's that supposed to mean?"  I snap.

 

       "Well the party didn't really start until Emmett took over the food and Zee stopped you getting into a cat fight with Emily over there, who seems to be still gunning for you.  So maybe you're really just reacting to your disappointment at the failure of your party and feeling bitter at the success of theirs and with so little effort on their behalf?  And she really got Brian to unwind showing his fun side, I had no idea his hips could move like that.  No wonder Justin never wants to leave him...ooh pizzas are done!  Excuse me."

 

I look round for Brian again but instead spot Michael arguing with Mel.

 

              "What is this about?"  I demand.

 

              "I didn't appreciate Jenny being onstage flaunting herself like that!"  He snarks

 

              "Like what she shook her hips a few times and waved her fingers about!"   Mel snaps back

 

I am beginning to get a headache. 

 

              "Mom, momma, dad!  Papa taped our karaoke and said he was really proud of me isn't that great!  I had such a great time doing that.  What did you think dad?"

 

              "Yes Michael tell you daughter what you thought?"  Mel turns to him.

 

              "I'm glad you had a good time..."

 

              "A good time, no this has been excellent!  I have to find Aunt Zee and thank her again..."

 

              "Sweetheart why do need to thank her, this was my party..."

 

              "I know but that was upstairs.  Auntie Em and Aunt Zee did downstairs.  Ah there she is!"

 

She scurries off and finally I spot Brian, he's wrapped round Justin swaying to the music in the corner.

 

              "Brian, may I have a word please?" 

 

He looks at me and sighs.

 

              "Before you start Lindz, it's New Year's Eve and I'm enjoying myself now.  If you're about to berate me for that I would advise against it.  Seriously, against it." 

 

              "N-no I was just uh wondering if...oh sorry I just need to have a word with that person."

 

I make my escape upstairs to find Tricia wandering about.

 

              "Ah Lindsay, sorry but I have to go relieve the baby sitter.  Can I have my coat?"

 

              "Of course, one minute."

 

I head to the store cupboard and try to open it but I can't.  I can feel panic rising as I pull and tug at the door.

 

              "Excuse me just one minute."

 

I dash downstairs to find Emmett.

 

              "Emmett, Emmett, this is important, the cupboard upstairs is stuck and that's where my guests coats are!"

 

He fixes a smile on his face.

 

              "Not the one by the lounge?"  He says through his teeth.  "Please tell me you didn't put the coats in there?"

 

              "Well yes it seemed to be a good idea."  I whisper back.

 

              "Sorry Lindz, but I really do have to go can you get me my coat now please!"

 

Tricia calls across the room, of course she's followed me down and of course she couldn't just come up to me and say it.  All eyes turn to me.

 

              "That's the problem, you see that cupboard door has a habit of sticking and only Mitchell seems to have the magic touch jimmying it open.  And we've given him the night off."  Emmett trails off.

 

First there is silence and then the clamour for a solution gets louder and louder.

 

              "Everyone please!  I will call a locksmith and everything will be..."

 

              "It's New Year's Eve Lindsay!"

 

              "Maybe we can take the door off its hinges?"  Leda suggests.

 

              "No it's an antique door you are not scratching the fuck out of that!"  Drew snaps.

 

              "Door's open!"  Zee calls down from the stairs and makes her way back to Faal.

 

              "What, when how?"  I stammer.

 

              "Jimmied the lock and not a scratch on it."  She smiles at Drew.

 

              "Right Tricia, let me get your coat for you." 

 

              "Thanks Zee for that, hopefully it won't take too long to get across town.  Happy 2015 to you!"  Tricia calls out to her.

 

As I hand over her coat, she smiles tightly at me and leaves without a word.  When I head back downstairs, people are dancing and Emmett is, clearly still, upset with me.  I can sort him out later, I need to get this party back under my control.  As I head towards the karaoke machine, I am again stopped by Jennifer.

 

              "Um Lindsay, you seem to have run out of glasses and drinks to put them in."  She whispers.

 

              "What that's not possible, they couldn't have drunk all of that wine and champagne already!" 

 

              "What can I say?  Seems you know some thirsty people, what are you going to do, it's customary to toast the New Year in with champagne." 

 

She looks at me and I can swear she's amused by my plight.  I need to find Mel and the kids, I gather them in a corner and explain the situation

 

              "Look we need to gather up all the spare glasses and take them to the kitchen and rinse them out.  And once we've done that Mel you need to try and persuade Emmett to allow us to crack some champagne to toast the New Year in.   We've only got 2 hours now come on!"

 

              "But mom if you ask Aunt..."  Gus begins

 

              "No Gus, just do as I tell you!" 

 

My tone brooked no argument and soon I am up to my elbows in soapy water trying not to drop any.  Mel is drying resentfully and the kids just want to go back and be with their friends.  I have a headache, my back aches and I have a wet patch across my dress where I am leaning against the sink.

 

              "Lindz, Mel!  There you...what on earth are you doing?" 

 

Emmett comes in followed by Daphne both looking bewildered.

 

              "We ran out of glasses and champagne so...?"  Mel trails off

 

              "Glasses and champ...?  They're in the pool house.  Why didn't you come and ask me?  No matter, come on back upstairs, it's not polite for the hostesses to abandon the guests!"

 

I try very hard to ignore the scoff of derision that Gus makes as he stalks back to his friends pulling Jenny along with him. 

 

              "Come on.  And we will be talking about this later!"  Mel stalks ahead of me

 

The party has carried on without us although the music has slowed down a bit and couples are dancing closely, among them, Zee and Faal, Ben and Steve and Matt and Hunter.  I don't think I have seen Brian and Justin apart once this evening and they are giving the guests a good show of their love for each other.

 

              "For crying out loud, Lindz it's sickening isn't it.  How they can't just dance like a normal couple and not be superglued to each other by cock and mouth!" 

 

Michael slurs waving his glass of red wine in their direction and managing to slop some of it on my dress, luckily before he can say anymore he is hauled off by Drew and Carl to sober up.  Unfortunately, he said it loud enough for Emily to hear.

 

              "Interesting mix of people you have here Lindz.  So glad that the party moved downstairs everyone has said it got much improved when Emmett took over the food and Zee came to the rescue with the karaoke and jimmying the lock..."

 

              "Yes they are a resourceful couple."  I snipe.  "Now if you'll excuse me I have to circulate before the bells chime."

 

I go to find Mel so we can at least put on a united front when 2015 starts, what I come across is her and Leda sitting by the pool looking cosy.

 

              "Catching up on old times?"  I smile tightly.

 

              "Yes we are, care to join us?"  Leda pats the space next to her.

 

              "No thanks, Mel I..."

 

Before I can say anything else, Jennifer and Emmett come up to me.

 

              "Uh Lindz, don't you think you should get the champagne open now?"  Emmett asks.

 

              "What, you said that they were in the pool house."

 

              "Yes I said that but I never said that they were opened.  Where's the wine waiter?"

 

              "The what?"  I can hear Leda starting to laugh and Emily is smirking at me.

 

              "The wine waiter's gone.  Lindz said she didn't need him."  Jennifer says just a shade too loud.

 

              "So what, we can just open the champagne ourselves!"  My voice is now brittle.  "How many bottles are there?"

 

              "24."

 

              "So, an adult opens a bottle each then.  See solution found!"  I tell him.  "Come on everyone grab a bottle.  Where are they Emmett?"

 

              "In the poolhouse like I told you...and still in the crates.  Right Daph and Jennifer with me let's get these things open, who the fuck sends their wine waiter home!  Thank fuck they use ice crates, what time is it?"  Emmett snaps at me.  "Lindz what time is it!"

 

              "1130, and there is no need to speak to me like that!"

 

Emmett slowly straightens and turns round but whatever he was going to say he stops when Daphne mutters.

 

              "Ems baby, bubbles, focus on the bubbles.  Let Lindsay go and entertain her guests."

 

              "Thank you Daphne, at least someone is looking out for me." 

 

I head back out to my guests, all of whom had been watching the show with undisguised amusement.

 

              "Oh she's been entertaining alright!"  Emily titters loudly.

 

              "Lindz, what's Emily's problem with you tonight, thought you two were friends?"  Mel asks

 

              "I don't know and frankly I don't care I just want this year to be over!"  I snarl.

 

Finally the champagne is served and the countdown begins.  As the bells chime I turn to kiss Mel but she's not standing next to me as I thought.  And end up lip locking with Michael, who pulls away in disgust.

 

              "Eww Lindz, you need to improve your technique if you hope to land Faal or Brian!"

 

He snarks before he stumbles into the pool and the resulting splash covers me from head to toe.

 

              "Happy fucking 2015 every fucking body!" 

 

I yell and squelch back into the house slamming the door on their laughter...I ignore Mel calling my name as she runs into the house to find me, I have never been so humiliated in my life, how could everything have gone so badly wrong?!

 

POOLHOUSE

 

EMMETT

 

              "Well ladies that went better than I thought it would...what?  What's wrong?

 

I slowly turn round and find Brian leaning nonchalantly against the door with Justin beaming at us.

 

              "What did Emmy Lou?  What went better than you thought it would?  Don't tell me you had a hand in the misfortunes that befell Lindz this evening?"

 

We all look at each other.

 

              "Not all of them!  We swapped the menus, Emmy Lou did deliberately give Mitchell the night off.  And Jen did kinda keep reminding her of her social WASPiness so that she would have to cave and have to ask Emmett or Zee for help..."  Daph admits.

 

Brian is starting to chuckle and Justin is snorting with laughter

 

              "And Mitchell did sort of tell the caterers to take half the food back and hid the glasses and champagne in the poolhouse, but that was his idea not mine!  And when Faal mentioned that he knew Leda I got her number of his phone and invited her to the party."  I confess.

 

              "Emmy Lou!"  They all cry out.

 

              "What she fucked me off and was going to hurt my girls!"

 

              "Does Zee or Faal know about this?"  Justin is wiping his eyes.

 

              "No!"  I cry out.  "Please don't tell them!  She might not come into partnership with me!"

 

              "Oh don't worry Emmy Lou, you're secret is safe with us.  In fact, I think I am going to make life a little easy on Lindz and pay for this party.  For the ending alone it's worth every penny!"

 

*T.I. lyrics are property and copyright of their owners.  Swagger Like Us and Swing Your Rag lyrics provided for education purposes and personal use only

 

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