Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

 

“I love you, daddy.”

 

Brian's heart was wrapped in a warmth that he always had when he was with his son.

 

He smiled down and kissed Gus’ forehead and lovingly said, “I love you, too Gus.”

 

He quietly slipped out of the room as his son closed his eyes and went back to find Lindsay. He needed to go if he didn't want to be late for Justin. He found her in the kitchen tossing a hearty salads on the table.

 

“Hey, Gus is taking his nap. He should be fine for an hour or so.”

 

Lindsay looked up and smiled, “Thanks, Bri. Uh, I fixed some salads and I have a salmon in the oven, why don't you eat lunch with me.”

 

“I can't. I need to go, I have some important things to do.”

 

Lindsay's smile didn't waver, “It will not take us long to enjoy a lunch together. Come and sit, I'll serve the fish in just a moment.”

 

Brian took an irritated sigh, “Linds, I really can't. I have to go. Thanks for offering, though. Where's Melanie, by the way?”

 

She was obviously disappointed, but wisely covered it by walking him to the door.

 

“She has to meet someone, it's about a case that I really don't know anything about.”

 

He nodded and opened the door. Brian turned and smiled at her, “So, have a nice day. I surely did with Gus.”

 

Lindsay bit her lower lip and nodded. When he was starting the ignition to his truck and glanced at the door to the house, he saw that she was still standing there looking at him. He waved a little and sped off.

 

Justin was already at the sidewalk waiting for him when he arrived at the shop. He knew he would be late but couldn't take the risk of being pulled by police for speeding. It would just make matters worse.

 

The young man gave him a smile as he hopped into the truck, but Brian reached for his neck and pulled him into a kiss.

 

The kiss went on for a few moments, only stopping when they needed to breathe. Brian rested their foreheads together and breathe in each other's mouths. His chest was pounding furiously.

 

“God, I think I'm going crazy. I'm so crazy about you.” He confessed closing his eyes still holding onto Justin's neck.

 

Justin smiled sweetly at him, “Well, if it helps, I think I'm crazy about you, too.”

 

Brian's face broke out into a wide smile. He kissed Justin again, invading his mouth with his tongue and explored every crevices inside.

 

Justin was fighting back. He was sucking Brian's tongue and was moaning while his fingers were carding through the brunet's hair. It was so sensual and Brian was hard as rock.

 

“We better get going. You sure be getting hungry.” Brian said after they pulled away. But before he took off, he gave Justin a kiss and nibbled lightly on his still plump lips. It was too irresistible not to do it, so he just had to.

 

Turned out, Justin needed to go grocery shopping before going home and Brian convinced him that they should just have a light lunch at Romeo’s, then do the food shopping afterwards and Justin could practice his culinary for dinner.

 

Justin needn't have to be convinced real hard because his stomach had rumbled loudly when Brian told him his better plan.

 

Brian's Sunday afternoon had become more vibrant and he was buzzing with excitement and anticipation. This was a real 180 turnaround from what he was doing with his Sunday for the last twenty months.

 

Even the screaming match he had with Michael that morning was already forgotten.

 

He ended up sleeping at Justin's apartment again. If he was being honest, there was no place he'd rather be than being cocooned together with his boyfriend in his small bed.

 

When he returned the next morning to his loft after having breakfast with Justin at his work, he found an irate Michael waiting for him again.

 

“Seriously, Michael. Did you spend the night here again spying on me?” He loved his friend, but this was getting ridiculous. He seriously needed to get his key back from him, this invasion of privacy had been downright disrespectful.

 

“Yeah, I did. When did you start sleeping at your trick’s apartment? I didn't even know you are tricking. I never see you fucking anyone after the accident.”

 

“Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not celibate and I will never be.”

 

“Then why are you denying me? I've been waiting for you to make love to me! What do you think I would feel when I know you are fucking other people but not me?!” Michael was shrieking again.

 

“Because I told you I can't and I won't. You are my friend, Michael, and that is all we ever could be. So please, don't let this be harder than it already is. Let's just live in peace.”

 

“I told you that I will never let you go, Brian. You owe me the nine years that I spent my life with you. You know that I never had a problem with you tricking, but you can at least spend time with me, too. How'd you know that you will not like fucking me when you won't give us a chance?” Michael was inching closer towards him.

 

“I don't need to try fucking you to know. And Michael, I don't owe you anything. I didn't fucking force you to be with me for nine years, so you don't have the right to throw it on my face.” Brian was trying to be calmed but with Michael, it was just not happening. He always had the tendency of pushing his buttons.

 

“You don't know what you are saying. Listen to me, Brian. If you push me now, what will you do when you have your memories back? And I'm sure you will. You will regret throwing us away. That's why I always told you this separation is ridiculous. It's only a matter of time.”

 

Michael was now within his reach and he was starting to reach out to him, which made Brian to move in order to escape his hold.

 

“I'll take it. This is my final decision, and whatever happens to my memory, I'll accept it. If it comes back along with my feelings for you, then so be it. I will still stand by my decision. We are over.”

 

Michael shot daggers at him, his nose was flaring in fury. But Brian meant what he had said to him. When the time comes and he'd remember everything, he would deal with it. He and Justin would deal with it.

 

Justin. God, he needed to tell his boyfriend about Michael and their past relationship, and the risk of having the feelings back when he would get his memory again.

 

He wasn't so sure about Justin's reaction to this and that was the reason he hadn't mentioned it to him when they talked about his amnesia that night. Justin could feel wary letting him into his life when there would be a big risk of falling back with his ex.

 

God, he just wished his boyfriend would understand the situation. Justin was nothing but kind and understanding, and so open minded and compassionate. But this one was a little hard to even contemplate, it was like setting yourself up to get hurt. 

 

Brian hoped that Justin would see him worthy to take that big risk for. Because if he wouldn't, it’d destroy him.

 

He'd tell him about Michael. He just needed a little time and a lot of courage.

 

He was a little late getting to his office because of the hold he got with Michael, but immersed himself with work and later became so busy that he didn't have any time to think of anything. Well, except Justin.

 

He called him after his lunch meeting and the blond told him he was already on his way to class. They talked for awhile and Justin told him that he'd be home painting after class.

 

Brian wasn't sure of his schedule though. He was overseeing the progress of the artwork for the campaign they were doing that he had to present the next day.

 

When they finished and had gone home, Brian sadly noticed that it was already after ten o'clock. Justin must be in bed already and he didn't want to disturb his boyfriend.

 

He went home and took an invigorating shower trying hard not to think about washing Justin’s body. Of course he failed, in few minutes he found himself pleasuring his dick moaning loudly, thinking about fucking his boyfriend’s ass.

 

Minutes later, he was having his orgasm shooting his cum to the tiled walls, feeling good but not as satisfying as being with Justin. But it'd do.

 

Just then, he felt a cold air penetrating the steamy closed cubicle. He went still for split second, but turning quickly around and found himself face to face with a very naked Michael.

 

“What are you doing he--” his words were cut off when Michael pounced on him kissing wetly him on his mouth. He was caught off guard by the aggression and Michael took that chance by inserting his tongue in his mouth.

 

Michael was holding onto him tightly and they were both wet from the shower head. Brian struggled a bit but Michael was surprisingly strong.

 

Brian mustered his strength and successfully pushed Michael away from him by digging his hands on his shoulders. He could see Michael so aroused with his dick still pointing at him. His eyes were so far gone and he was riding in his overflowing lust. Nevertheless, what he had done was not acceptable, he had crossed the line.

 

“This is it, Michael. I will never tolerate you assaulting me like this. Get dressed and get out of my loft. Now!” He was seething. Michael just didn't know how to back off when he was more than clear about that.

 

He didn't want to lose his friend, he really didn't, he was the only one remaining from his few ones. But this had gotten so out of hand and he would never let him get away with that.

 

“Babe, I have needs too. I need yo--”

 

Brian stepped out of the cubicle and wrapped a towel around his waist turning his fury eyes on his friend. “I am not your boyfriend. If you're horny, get someone from Babylon to fuck you, or just buy a twelve inches dildo and shove it up your ass.”

 

He was fuming. He was breathing so hard that he had to open his mouth to let some air in. He felt disgusted and violated.

 

“But I want you, Brian!” He said petulantly. He was walking towards Brian who pointed his index finger at him in warning not to move any closer.

 

“I don't want to hear anything anymore from you, Michael. I'll call a police if you don't get the fuck out of my loft in two minutes. You will not pull this shit on me again, you hear me, or I swear to god I'll get a TRO on you.”

 

“Brian, I'm sorry. Please, don't do this to me--”

 

“Out, now!” Brian shouted. He felt his body trembled.

 

Michael put on his clothes and scurried out of his loft. 

 

Brian slumped down to the nearest wall and slid down to the floor. Michael had been persistent and annoying since the accident, and admittedly had been intense in pursuing him to get back together. But he hadn't done something so damaging like this and it shook Brian inside.

 

He didn't want to stay here. He wanted to have a peaceful night in the arms that could calm him down, the body that he could share his warmth and the kiss that could make him feel like home.

 

He needed Justin.

 

He found himself outside his boyfriend’s door in just after twenty minutes. He didn't bother to knock, he called him on his phone instead.

 

“ ‘Lo?” Justin sleepily answered after few moments. He was so sorry to disturb him in midnight but Brian needed him.

 

“I'm outside your door.” He whispered.

 

“Brian?” Justin sounded hoarse.

 

“Yeah. Open the door, mo chroí. I'm here.”

 

There was no answer for few seconds, then he heard him moving in his bed. “Okay, wait, I'm coming.” Then he ended the call.

 

He could hear Justin's footsteps as he neared the door, then he unlatched the lock opening it. 

 

“Hey.” Justin greeted, moving forward and hugged him fiercely. Brian closed his eyes hugging the young man back finding the place where he could say where he belonged.

 

“It's crazy, but I missed you so much.” Justin whispered on his ear, not letting him go from his embrace.

 

“Me too. I'm sorry I disturbed your sleep.”

 

Justin was shaking his head. “I don't mind. You can come anytime you want. I want you here with me.”

 

That simple sentiment meant a lot to Brian, because more than anything he wanted to be there with Justin.

 

“Let's get inside.” Justin pulled away but reached out to hold his hand and pulled him inside the apartment.

 

“Are you okay, Brian?” His intuitive boyfriend asked when they were lying together in bed. His head was placed above Justin's shoulder wrapping his arm on his abdomen, his favorite sleeping position.

 

“Yeah.” He whispered. “I am now.” 

 

He knew that Justin was wise enough to know that something was off, and Brian knew he wouldn't push him if he wasn't ready to tell. Brian loved him so much for that. 

 

It wasn't really hard to fall in love with Justin. The young man seemed to know him so well. It almost felt like they had been together for so long.

 

Justin was back asleep after ten minutes, and Brian could feel the rising of his chest when he breathed. For some reason, it comforted him and lulled him to a dreamless sleep.

 

The next thing he knew, he was being awakened by a shrilling alarm clock. He glanced around in bewilderment trying to locate the offending machine. It was on the nightstand by Justin's side of the bed.

 

He reached to stop it from busting his eardrums, closing his eyes and sighed happily hugging Justin's pillow to his chest.

 

Justin. Where was Justin?

 

“Oh, God, shit!” He quickly sat up looking at the clock and learned that it was already quarter before eight.

 

He frustratedly rubbed his hands on his face lying back down on the bed. Of course Justin didn't wake him up, instead he rode a bus to his work and let him have a few more hours of sleep.

 

He took his phone from the nightstand and see that he had a text message from Justin. He couldn't help but smile as he read what his boyfriend had to say.

 

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Don't get mad that I didn't wake you up, I just feel that you need an extra hours of sleep before facing the advertising world today. Please don't think that I'm making decisions for you. Anyway, because you missed our breakfast today, and boy how I missed you this morning, I'm going to make you dinner tonight. Just text me if you are available, we can do it some other time if you can't make it tonight. By the way, I left an extra key on the kitchen counter for you. Please take it and know that you can always come to my place anytime. You take care, Mr. Kinney.”

 

Brian texted back that he wasn't mad and thanking him for being so considerate and thoughtful. But he was sorry that Justin had to take the bus and missed him at breakfast. He said that he'd check his schedule for the day and get back to him later. He thanked his boyfriend for entrusting him with an extra key and that it meant a lot to him. He ended the text with, “Whatever schedule I'll have today, I'll be coming to you tonight. You take care, Mo chroí.”

 

Brian got up and used Justin's shower. He thought it was best if he wouldn't use the one at his loft when that distressing event was still fresh in his mind.

 

In ten minutes, he was slipping out of Justin's apartment locking the door and pocketing the key that he now had.

 

He was dreading to go back to his own place. He sat for awhile as he parked his truck in front of his building. He really hoped Michael had listened to stay away because he didn't know if he still had the patience to deal with him.

 

He sighed in relief as he found his loft empty. He quickly got dressed and groomed his hair for a while, the lock that he needed to get changed was etched in his mind. When he came back to the bedroom, he opened his closet and took out a duffle bag and put a couple of shirts, a pair of jeans, few socks and briefs. He added a pair of trainers, too.

 

When he arrived at Vanguard, the first thing he asked Cynthia was to contact a locksmith to change his lock at the loft and asked her to make three copies for the key. Then he checked with her his schedule for the day and was satisfied that his last meeting was at three o'clock. He'd be able to go back to Justin's place at around six.

 

With this knowledge, he texted the information to his boyfriend without expecting a reply, well at least not until he was out of his work.

 

There was one call he was dreading to have. He really hoped Michael would not attempt to contact him for few days. He knew it was highly unlikely that his friend would totally back off, he was Michael after all, but he wished it wasn't that day.

 

He received a text from Justin at around one thirty telling him that he was glad they could have dinner together that night.

 

Before he went to the conference room at three, Cynthia gave him the new keys to his loft. It made him feel a little better knowing no one could just barge into his place like they owned it. 

 

It always bothered him since the first time he knew that both Lindsay and Michael had a key to his place. Well, he could actually understand why Michael had one, they were boyfriends for so many years. But Lindsay? It didn't make sense why Brian had to give her, too.

 

He finished the day and was about to head out when he realized Michael had actually stayed away. He would like to think that his friend had realized how inappropriate and violating his actions were to him.

 

He arrived at Justin's place at twenty before six. He let himself in using his key with duffle and briefcase in hands.

 

“Justin?” He called to the almost quiet apartment, freeing his hands by placing both the duffle and briefcase at the floor near the door.

 

“Kitchen!” the answer came.

 

He walked to the kitchen and found his boyfriend sautéing on a wok pan. He smiled at the scene in front of him and couldn't help but wrapped his arms around Justin's waist from the back. He nuzzled his neck smelling the scent that made Brian go crazy.

 

“Hey...” Brian greeted.

 

“Hey...” Justin greeted back, tilting his head to the side to give his boyfriend a little more skin.

 

“Smells good.” He breathed him in, tightening his hold on his middle.

 

“The food?” Justin teased.

 

“That too.”

 

Justin chuckled while Brian released him.

 

“I hope you don't mind that I came here directly. I brought some change clothes with me.”

 

“Of course, I don't. Why don't you change while I finish this? You can hang your suit in the closet.” Justin suggested, giving him a peck. Brian had grabbed him back to get another taste from the blond’s plump lips.

 

 

Their night was relaxing and just being with Justin was calming. He didn't have to worry about a pre conceived notions or pre judgements from his past that he couldn't even remember. Justin wouldn't look at him bemusedly or strangely because of something he had said or done.

 

It was refreshing especially when you felt like being watched under the microscope for two years now.

 

Justin hadn't even asked him much about the accident, he just accepted him considering his present mental state. Not that he was crazy, but he was literally a twenty two year old guy who was living in his thirty three year old body.

 

Justin even challenged him to go and do whatever he wanted. Things that he hadn't done before, some things he was dying to do but hadn't had the nerve or courage to do it.

 

Like when he asks Brian that night when they were lounging in front of the TV after dinner. They were snuggled together laughing to Mrs. Doubtfire and Brian's head was on his favorite place, above Justin's shoulder. He was sprawled a little on the blond's side who was soothingly carding his fingers on his scalp.

 

“If you have one thing you want to do, but haven't come around doing it for some reason or another. What would that be?” The young man asked him.

 

He had few things running in his mind, like playing baseball. He was in soccer team in high school by the insistent of his father who was the one who taught him how to play when he was around eight. His father was a soccer player himself back in Ireland before he and his family migrated to the States. But in his heart, he wanted to play baseball, but he never had the chance to do it.

 

He loved photography, too. He loved to take pictures since he was twelve and found a disposable one in Claire’s trash can. He tried to use it until it ran its course. Then he asked his mother to buy him a camera on his thirteenth birthday, but she gave him a pair of snickers instead.

 

He decided to buy one that he could afford and worked on the lawns of his neighbors non-stop for three months. He bought the cheapest model but at least it wasn't disposable. For months he was so happy clicking it whenever he wanted to. He went to the river to snap a shot or went to the park to picture the ducks.

 

He thought it was the best highlights of his younger years, that for couple of years he had explored his creativity in photography.

 

When he met Michael, he was already sucked into the world of photography. Michael enjoyed at first, or maybe he was just trying to, in order to go with him wherever he wanted to have pictures that time. But then he started to whine when Brian would spend long hours taking pictures of the same spots, leaving Michael bored out of his mind sitting in a corner. Brian tend to get so focused when he was with his camera, totally forgetting people around him.

 

Michael felt neglected; his dad, Jack, thought he was wasting his time and money. On the morning of his fifteenth birthday, he found a box on his table with soccer ball and jerseys inside, a gift from his dad. His most prized possession was broken and unsalvageable at the backyard.

 

He hadn't touched a camera after that, well, as much as he could remember at least.

 

Then he wanted to do motocross racing, too. The urgency to try the sport began when he entered his freshman year in college and sat with some of his classmates in between classes. One of them was enthusiastically telling the group that he was going to Indiana the coming weekend to see his brother compete in a motocross racing competition.

 

Brian's interest perked up at that and he was in total awe by the next Monday when that said classmate was showing them the pictures he had taken from the competition.

 

It must've been so cool riding that bike, flying it in the air and taking on that dirty, bumpy and rough trail. He could just imagine the adrenaline pumping through his veins doing something so exciting like that. So yeah, motocross it was.

 

“I'd say, photography, but I think that ship has already sailed.”

 

Justin didn't say anything.

 

“So, Motocross racing.”

 

“Hmm, sexy.” Justin agreed, nodding his head.

 

They slept not long after that, but not before Brian made love to his boyfriend and slept peacefully in his favorite place.

 

The next few days had gone by with surprisingly no calls from Michael. It was in a way a huge relief, but it was a little unsettling too. It's just that with Michael, silence meant something was cooking inside his head.

 

But he could be wrong. His friend, except for his obsession with their past relationship, had been there for him throughout his ordeal. He couldn't thank him enough for his help and support. He hoped, in a way to save their friendship, Michael would really accept that he wasn't getting Brian back.

 

When Thursday evening came, Brian went home to his loft from visiting Gus. He needed to get more change of clothes to bring to the blond's place. He hadn't slept in his bed since he started sleeping with Justin, though he was there every morning to change to his suit after their breakfast together.

 

When the elevator stopped on his floor, he saw a box placed on the ground in front of his door. He warily walked to it, checking the name printed on the top lid, and yes it was for him.

 

He opened his door and crouched down to lift the box and proceeded to place it on the kitchen counter. He left it there and prepared the duffle he needed to bring to Justin's place and took a shower afterwards.

 

He was ready to go out when he glanced at the counter finding the box where he had left it.

 

He tentatively dropped the duffle and walked to the counter. He lifted the lid after few moments of hesitation finding a bottle of Johnnie Walker Platinum label lying diagonally in the box and a small card was on top of it.

 

He opened to read that it came from Michael. The card said, “Brian, I'm really sorry. I hope you can forgive me. Love, Mikey.”

 

He left the box and card on the counter, took his duffle and walked out the door.

 

He stopped to buy them Chinese takeout and arrived to find Justin with paint all over his hands, smock, hair and neck, too. He loved to see his boyfriend when he got into this zone, the zone where nobody was allowed to witness except for Brian.

 

It was amazing to see how one's emotions could be expressed in an art. He had already witnessed Justin painting a couple of pieces in his presence. The experience was overwhelming, it was like Justin was marrying his talent with his passion, infusing life’s experiences, the outcome creation was extraordinary.

 

He was in the zone that moment, but like always, he glanced back over his shoulder like he could feel his presence whenever they were in the same room. Justin gave him a smile that said ‘he was happy because he just created another masterpiece’.

 

He left his boyfriend to clean himself up after kissing him hello. It was already nine and he knew Justin hadn't eaten since he began painting. He plated their dinner and brought it to the sofa.

 

People might think that they had a very boring domestic life, but it was far from that. They mightn't have spent it clubbing or whatever young gay guys were doing nowadays to enjoy their nights away, but they were more than pleased to have a quiet night together. 

 

Well, they went on a date last Tuesday evening and Justin brought him to the art exhibition that had been going on in his school. Brian was surprised to see that it was all about photography. 

 

It varied from graphically manipulated, to the old school photography, to the modern day style, to black and white. He couldn't contain himself from gushing over several exquisite ones and felt the urge deep within him to hold a camera again. 

 

It was a lovely night, and Brian was grinning like a kid in winter wonderland. He didn't let Justin's hand go the whole time and Justin never leave his side, he was soaking in Brian's happiness and it was enough for him to be enjoying himself too.

 

They arrived home just before midnight and fortunately, they didn't have to wake up early the next day, it was Justin's day off.

 

But that Thursday evening, as they ate mongolian beef with rice, Justin asked him about his availability on Saturday. When he answered he'd be in bed with his blond, Justin smiled and said that he was inviting him for a fun filled day in New Castle.

 

“What are we going to do in New Castle?” Brian asked him curiously.

 

“I found this place in internet, it's like 500 acres of land and dirt trails, they also have mining adventure for those who wants to go the tunnel and see limestones. But mostly, people go there to ride the ATV and dirt bikes. They are famous for their 60 miles off road trails. What do you think?”

 

Brian was gaping at him with mouth slightly opened. This was too much. Justin must be an angel who had been sent to make his life worth living after the ‘power that be’ had messed it up big time by erasing his eleven years. Justin must be his reward. And damn it, he'd do his life, however miserable it was, all over again if it meant he'd have Justin in the end.

 

He abandoned his plate and took his boyfriend’s face in his hands and kissed him. He knew, regardless of what had happened to him, he was a very luck man. He was the luckiest to have someone like Justin.

 

“Perfect. It's perfect. You are perfect, mo chroí.”

 

Now, that was what he said about them not being boring. No, they weren't at all. Brian, for the first time in so long, had felt like he was about to burst with happiness.

 

Those things, as simple as going to see an art exhibition or a little detailed like the place in New Castle, it was Justin's way of challenging him to do what he always wanted to do. He was bold enough to show Brian that life was full of hopes and dreams. What people could do was to hold on to that hope in order to have the dream to possibly come true.

 

That same night, while he was lying on Justin's shoulder, Brian decided that he'd let his resentment go. He'd let whatever residual anger that he still had for his parents to go. He couldn't change what had happened to his childhood, but he could certainly live far better than what he saw in his parents’ house. Just to have that chance to live his life with Justin was enough for him to be happy.

 

That new revelation was what prompted him to go to the mall in his lunch on that Friday afternoon and buy a Nikon camera that was great for new users.

 

When he went home to Justin that evening, he showed him his new purchased and tried it on his favorite subject, Justin.

 

Later that night, when they were sated after a great orgasms, Brian shared what made him bought the camera. Justin listened to Brian telling him about his parents, about his childhood and how his father had destroyed the one thing that he found his happiness with and forced him to train for soccer. He told Justin how seeing his camera, all damaged and broken, had his heart ripped out of his chest. 

 

He told Justin, too, that he helped Brian realized to let his resentment go. He was in a more happy place now, and though he didn't want to pay his mother or sister a visit, he wanted to let any ill feelings that he still had for them to go.

 

“There will always be failures and disappointments in life, Brian. Several throughout our lifetime actually, but it's the failure and not success what makes us stronger, what drives us to do better. Just having that will to try again after failure, disappointment or rejection is already a testament of success. We'll make bad choices all the time, but it just makes us human. What's important is what's in here.” Justin was pointing to his own heart. “It's about the intentions, Brian. Sometimes, our good intentions what often lead us to make some bad choices.”

 

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Brian murmured. He loved talking to Justin, he always made him feel good and made him see things in different perspective. Justin was a very intelligent and wise man.

 

“But if we are at fault, we should admit that we are at fault, then learned from it, moved on from it. I know it's easier said than done, but we just have to try.”

 

Then Brian froze for a fraction of second, thinking about his conscious decision of postponing on telling Justin about him and Michael. He was doing it with good intentions, would it lead them to the path of hell?

 

“Are you, okay?” Asked by his ever intuitive Justin.

 

He was quiet for few minutes, then he asked, “Justin, can you trust someone when you only know them for several weeks?”

 

He felt him shrugged a bit, “I could. Yeah, of course, I could.”

 

Brian arranged himself onto the pillow so he could look into Justin's eyes.

 

“Can you trust me?” He asked sincerely.

 

“Of course, Brian. I know it sounds crazy, but I trust you with my life. I really do.”

 

It was a massive relief to hear that. He just hoped Justin would be true to his words after learning about Michael. He wanted to tell him at that moment, but he still needed to settle whatever ruffles he had with his ex. He wasn't ready to tell Justin about what happened in his shower last Monday night either.

 

“I'm glad to hear that. Justin…” He trailed of looking for the right words to say. “... I need you to trust me. Whatever happens, you have to know that it is you who I want to be with. It's you that I will always choose no matter what. Can you trust me that much to believe that?”

 

Justin shifted to his side and placed his hand on Brian's face.

 

“Is this about your amnesia?” Justin's voice shook a little.

 

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes and put his hand on top of Justin's that was still on his face. “It's eleven years, Justin. I don't know who I was, who I became. As far as I know, if anything my close friends reactions were telling, I'm a total narcissistic, and a heartless asshole.”

 

“Hey, look at me.” When Brian did, he continued, “It doesn't matter if your friends are right, but Brian, you don't have to be anything just to please anybody. Because whoever you are now, is what you really are or what you always have been inside. If your friends cannot accept that, then that is their problem and not yours.”

 

Brian didn't say anything, but Justin knew his words were getting into him.

 

“I'm not saying I won't like you if you are what they told you, you were, because I know I will still want you. But you don't have to be that guy anymore if you don't want to be. Maybe this is what you always want to be, Brian.”

 

“I have been always like this. I honestly don't know what happened to me to be so jaded and cynical. Did you know I fired employees like they were nothing? God, I don't even think about their families.”

 

“Then it must be the environment that you surrounded yourself with. You couldn't help adopting some of their qualities or do something just to please them until such time you don't even know who you are anymore.”

 

Brian was looking at him straight in the eyes like he was just beginning to understand something that had bothered him for so long.

 

“I wasn't only talking about your friends, Brian. Each and every person that we meet would have an impact on us. It started at home.”

 

Justin became quiet after that. Brian suspiciously thought that Justin had just touched a sore subject for himself, too. Well, he guessed they weren't that much different after all.

 

They had been silent for some time, Brian had started to think that Justin had gone to sleep when he suddenly said, “You have to trust me, too, Brian. Trust me that I will be here, that I will do anything to be with you. Anything.”

 

Brian kissed the side of his face, nodding so gently. “I'll remember that.”

 

Then Brian returned to his favorite place, kissing the skin he found there. His eyelids were so heavy with sleep and Justin's smell filled his nostrils.

 

“I trust you, mo chroí. With all my heart.” He murmured before drifting away.


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