(Continuation from the end of chapter 13)

Justin woke up a little disoriented. It didn't register immediately where he was, and he got scared.

He sat on the bed, looking around like a lost puppy. Then it slowly coming back to him, the events that had happened to lead him to sleep in a motel.

Brian, what had happened to Brian? And where was he last night? Michael had to be an asshole and not tell him where Brian was at, and he called the police on him.

He tried to call the phone again, and now it was going straight to voicemail. “God, Brian, where are you?”

Justin used the shower but had to dress on his clothes from the other day. He would just have to buy a clean one at a thrift store.

He checked out and walked out to a warm August Sunday morning. He decided to get a new shirt and briefs first, and changed his old one in a diner next to the thrift store. He didn't stay to eat, instead he walked directly to Brian's loft.

He had been knocking for five minutes, but Brian wasn't answering, he surmised he didn't get home from where he was the other night. But, Brian almost never slept at a trick’s apartment.

After five more minutes of knocking, Justin left the building with a heavy heart. He walked aimlessly for a while, but Justin needed to think about his new situation. He should move his things out from Ethan's apartment, but he didn't know where to go. 

He went back to the motel where he slept the other night and booked himself for three days more, then he collected his things from Ethan's and settled it in his room.

He actually only had few things, and the computer that Brian had given him was the most valuable one. Ethan was there when he opened the door, he looked a little relieved to see him, but Justin squashed it out when he said he was just there to collect his things.

“So, you are back with Brian?” He asked.

“No, but I'm trying to.” He honestly answered. Ethan had deserved that much from him.

Ethan nodded, and he left Justin to do what he was set to do there and continued to read his book.

Justin was finished packing in less than an hour. He had his computer, two duffel bags for clothes, and another one for his books and sketchbooks.

He called a cab and Ethan was kind enough to help him bring his things down.

“I'm sorry, Ethan. You don't deserve what I did to you. I hope you can forgive me one day.” Justin sincerely said to his ex-boyfriend. They were standing on the curb waiting for the cab to arrive.

Ethan looked up at him, squinting a little from the light of the afternoon sun.

“That's okay, I mean-- it's not okay you dumping me like this. But, hey, life is short, we just have to do what we think is best for us.” He smiled a little. “This motivates me to win the Heifetz competition, you know. Maybe Europe is my place to be to have a new life and the career that I want.”

Justin reached out to touch his arm, “You don't need any luck, because I know you'll be killing it. I hope you'll get it, not just the competition, but the life and career that you want.”

The cab stopped in front of them, and they moved to put his things in the trunk. When it was done, Justin pulled Ethan to him and hugged him tightly.

“I'm really sorry.” He whispered. “Have a great life, Ethan.” Then he kissed him on his cheek.

Justin turned to get into the cab, but Ethan turned him back to face him. “Have a great life, too, Justin.” Then he kissed Justin on his cheek one last time.

Justin smiled as he sat at the back seat of the cab, it was good to know that Ethan wasn't resenting him about breaking up. At least, they parted in good way and even wishing each other a great life ahead.

Justin stayed at the motel the whole afternoon and perused the classified ads for some apartment rentals. He marked on the places he thought was okay, location and budget wise.

When it was seven in the evening, he walked back again to Brian's loft, hoping he'd catch him this time-- without Michael.

But before he could get inside the building, a hand held his arm and Justin was startled from it. He must've been so occupied not to notice someone was talking to him.

“Hey, you are the kid with Kinney, right?” Justin remembered him to be one of Brian's neighbors. He was a middle aged man, who occupied the loft directly down to Brian. As far as Justin knew, he was living alone.

“Yeah.” Justin ignored the used of ‘kid’ on him. He guessed, compared to Brian, Justin was really a kid.

“I thought so. Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened to him. How was he now?” The man asked that made Justin's chest pounding so hard.

“What do you mean? What happened to Brian?”

“You didn't know?” He asked, so surprised that Justin didn't have an idea about what happened to Brian.

“No. I was here the other night and today morning, but Brian wasn't home.” Justin answered, his voice was edging on panic.

“Well, I was watching the late news last night, it was after 2 am. They were reporting some tragic accident on the freeway, and they identified him as Brian Kinney. So many Brian Kinney in Pittsburgh, perhaps, but I called the Allegheny this morning at eight, and it was really Kinney. He's in the ICU.” The man sympathetically said.

Justin felt dizzy and his stomach was turning. The guy patted him on his shoulder, “Hey, kid, you okay?”

Justin glanced up at him with teary eyes, “I need to go. I need to see, Brian.”

Then he left the man standing there, shaking his head in sympathy. Justin called a cab on his phone and directed it to Allegheny as soon as it arrived.

It was almost nine in the evening when the cab parked in front of the hospital. Justin walked all the way to find the floor for ICU.

When he arrived, he followed the path of the hallway, then he could hear the voice of Debbie from where he was standing. He supposed, they were sitting in the waiting room, but Justin wasn't sure who else were present at that time because he was frozen to his feet.

He retracted his steps after few moments, he went to the end of the hallway, opposite to where the Liberty gangs were sitting. He found the door to the stairs and opened it, he sat on the steps and felt like all his energy was spent. He felt so weak and so scared, he was scared for Brian, he didn't even know his condition. The fact he was in ICU, it just meant that Brian was critical.

He let out a sob, he let out the pain in his chest by crying into his hands. He rested his elbows on his knees and just cried until there were no more tears coming out. He was a mess, he knew that, but he didn't care. Brian was here somewhere, fighting for his life. And Justin could have prevented the accident if he didn't turn his back on Brian.

This was his fault, Brian was in that fucking car because of him. He was in the safety of their suite room last night, but Justin had to ruin it and drove Brian away because he was hurting him again.

Justin let out another sob, a painful sob that was mixed with guilt and regret. This could not be happening to Brian, no god, not Brian.

When Justin composed himself a little, he realized he had been crying for over two hours. He stood up and started to walk back to where he heard Debbie's voice, and he was relieved he couldn't hear anyone anymore. He peeped inside the room and found it empty.

He continued to walk to the nurses’ station, and asked the nurse there if he could visit Brian Kinney. The nurse looked at him and was about to tell Justin that it was passed visiting hours. But maybe she saw something in his face, or maybe in his eyes, and she nodded her head in agreement.

She lead Justin to the door with a glass window, and Justin could clearly see Brian lying in the hospital bed.

He couldn't help to whimper and put his hand on his mouth. Brian was severely injured, a big bandage was wrapping his head and one on his chest. His face had a big bruise on his left cheek.

“He had a severe blow to his head from the accident. He is in a drug- induced coma since after the operation to relieve the pressure from his brain, draining the blood that pooled and repairing the damage blood vessels.” The nurse helpfully supplied.

“Are there… Are there any more major injuries?” He asked in small voice.

“He has two broken ribs and few have cracks. Thankfully, no other injuries beside that.”

“What are you doing here?!” Michael's voice rang through the quiet hallway. The nurse turned to face him with an irritating look.

“Mr. Novotny, this is a hospital, and ICU at that. Please observe the hospital rules, if not, I'm forced to call the security.” She said sternly.

“You don't have to do that. I'm Brian's medical proxy and I get to decide who can come and visit, and this little shit here is not allowed to get near Brian. He doesn't have any right to be here, he doesn't do anything except bringing troubles.” He reached and held Justin's wrist, “Come, we need to talk.”

Without waiting for anything, Michael pulled him to the elevator, and out of the hospital. Michael didn't release his wrist until he shove Justin to a bench outside the hospital.

“You listen, Justin. I will not tell you again because this is the last time you are coming here. Since Brian picked you up from that night, you are fucking up his life. He had a great life, maximum pleasure with minimum bullshit, that's how he was. But you came along, stalked him, forcing him to let you into his life, into his home. Brian feeds you, paid your tuition, but what did you do? 

“You cheated on him, humiliated him, you hurt him, just because he didn't want to do what you demanded from him. You are nothing but ungrateful, Justin, and since he's met you, you've done nothing but makes his life miserable. Please, do us all a favor and just disappear. I've asked you before, I'm asking again, please get out of Brian's life, let him live in peace, let him be whatever he wanted to be. Just like he was before he met you.”

Justin left the hospital that night thinking Michael was right, he was nothing but brings trouble and pain to Brian's life. He was enjoying his life before they met, and now, brian was suffering in that hospital bed, fighting for his life. And it was all because of him.

He didn't sleep that night, he just cried whatever tears he still had, painfully uttering Brian's name on his lips.

He didn't get out of the bed for the next two days, until the manager of the motel knocked on his door. He was telling Justin that his stay was over and needed to leave in one hour if he wouldn't extend his stay. Justin extended it for another three days.

He went out that morning to actually eat something solid, he felt so weak and Justin couldn't afford to get sick. He knew he should be moving on, and sooner or later he had to think about his well being and his future, how hazy it might look right now.

He checked the classified ads again, and had noticed that there was one that was actually across the town. Justin contemplated on how he would get the money to actually start to live on his own. He had a part time job at a seafood restaurant after he quit the diner, the pay was good, but not enough to pay the rent, food and his studies.

Then a thought came to him, and he really considered his options and the consequences. In the end, he decided to refund the tuition at PIFA, in which Brian had paid in full, together with the books and miscellaneous payments. It totaled more than twenty one thousand dollars.

Justin knew it wasn't the right thing to do what he did, but he was running out of options. He promised Brian to pay for it and Justin was going to do that, whatever happened, he'd going to pay Brian his money.

He went to PIFA the next day, and luckily, the money could be refunded within three days. Justin went to check the apartment he saw on the ads, and found it was a good one. The neighborhood wasn't that great, but it was actually near the community college.

Justin thought he could continue his studies there by spring semester. He needed to establish himself first, his home, a part time job that was actually paying good money or at least had some benefits.

He moved to the apartment at the other side of town in two days. It was fortunately empty, and Justin just had to buy some important things like mattress and bedroom necessities, few cooking and kitchen utensils, and most importantly some groceries for him to survive.

After he moved in, Justin called the hospital and asked about Brian. He knew he needed to stay away from Brian, but he couldn't concentrate not knowing how he was.

The nurse that he had inquired told him that Brian had already woke up from his coma and was now in recuperation. The nurse told him that she couldn't disclose any more information as it was confidential.

That had been enough to Justin. Knowing Brian had already woke up from his coma and was actually in road to recovery, had made him relieve and breathe a lot easier. He really did wish for Brian to be happy, to be well and to have what he wanted. He never begrudge him of anything he wanted.

As time gone by, Justin filled his apartment with essentials, until it became his home, his sanctuary, something that he could call his own.

He also found a job at the nearby Starbucks, in which it did pay good and had a health insurance for their employees who worked not less than six hours. Justin was fortunate to have the job.

Justin lived a simple yet a contented life. It wasn't perfect, or he wasn't the happiest man alive, but he was doing okay and he was in a way happy, too, that he at least had moved on and made his life a good one.

He enrolled at the community college of Allegheny county, and had a good friend, Seth. He was his co-worker, too. Daphne had been calling him once in awhile, but Justin didn't share much of his life with her anymore. He just told her that he had broken up with Brian and he was seeing Ethan now. He didn't mentioned to her when she called recently that he was living alone now, far away from anyone he used to know.

He would tell her about his life, not just now. She was already stressed from studying so hard, and she didn't need an additional stress from him, too.

Justin never dated as well, he wanted to try, but he just wasn't into it. He believed that the one for him would come at the right time and at the right place, he just have to be patient. He didn't want to search for it, or eager to fall into another relationship, he wanted the fate to bring the one for him. He believed he would come.

And boy, did he come? Justin was so floored and shocked to see Brian in front of him buying a coffee. God, it had been so long since he saw the only man that he ever loved. And Justin was happy to know that he looked mighty fine.

But what had he been doing in this part of town? It's almost a thirty minutes ride from downtown Pittsburgh. He was about to greet Brian and maybe tell him that he was happy to see him, when he realized Brian was staring at him like he was actually a stranger.

It got him so worried, but tried to hide it. He wanted to see what was happening and why Brian was there.

Turned out, Brian hadn't really recognized him. Brian was stuttering and couldn't keep his eyes off of him, if Justin didn't know better, he would say Brian was smitten. 

They talked for a while, Brian was even flirting with him, admitting that it was his first time in that part of town, and Justin was about to cry when Brian told him his name before he left. What was happening?

He wanted to go and hunt any Liberty Avenue gangs and asked them what had happened to Brian, but he didn't do that, he couldn't do that-- not after all this time of staying away from them. He instead, thought about Brian's situation so hard, what could have happened after his accident.

At the end of his shift, he concluded that Brian had to have an amnesia. He was totally not the Brian that he knew from two years ago, and Justin didn't even know how to act in front of him. Brian even ordered muffins, for Christ sake.

Brian returned to Justin's work the next day, and subtlety asking for his working schedule. Justin wanted to talk to him for a while, but he honestly didn't know how to do it. He also didn't know what to say, but he wanted to know what had happened.

When he returned again for the third time, Justin decided to get a little bit bolder and asked Brian to sit with him, in which the brunet happily complied, he admitted that he was about to ask Justin the same. 

He missed Brian so much, and if talking about mundane things would quench that longing, Justin would gladly do that, even when he was dying to talk about something else. But a chance to sit down with the man that owned his heart since he was seventeen, was a chance he wouldn't pass.

It was hard and painful to learn that Brian didn't recognize him, or them for that matter. It was painful to witness how his eyes were devoid of that familiar mischief, instead it looked a little bashful, uncertain and even self conscious. This Brian was far from the Brian that Justin used to know.

After that day, Justin thought why he hadn't told Brian that they used to see each other, or asked him what was going on, but this Brian seemed to render him speechless. He seemed to be doing exactly the opposite of what he used to do and Justin was so out of balance. 

He didn't know how to approach the matter of their past, and when Brian asked him for a ‘lunch date’, Justin was about to faint, it was just so surreal. And Justin had let his selfishness ruled the situation and basked in all the great things that was happening. 

Until such time, their new relationship had grown deeper in such short time and Justin knew he would be in knee deep trouble for keeping the truth from Brian. But, on the other hand, Justin was so happy, he was so over the moon and sometimes he needed to pinch himself just to make sure everything was not a dream. Brian was becoming the man that Justin knew he could be, the man he thought he could only have in dreams-- two years ago.

Brian was different, but somehow, he was still the same. Different by means of being more open to what he feels, his true emotions were showing and he didn't care if he was showing it publicly or privately. It was like a breath of fresh air, and Justin couldn't believe Brian was back in his life and building a stronger relationship together.

He was the same, in the sense of how he was with Justin's well being. He was still caring, though he wasn't doing it in more subtle way liked he was before; he was still generous to a fault, and he was a man of action.

In the few months they were together, it still fascinated Justin how they had gone from pulling teeth just to get some emotions from Brian to the sensitive man who would do anything for Justin. Not that the Brian before wouldn't do anything for Justin, he honestly would, but he'd do it and acted like it wasn't a big deal, then he'd do something to put Justin in his place-- like bringing tricks and fucking them in front of him.

But now, Brian seemed to hold onto him like Justin was his precious treasure, he'd make sure Justin knew how he felt, brought him to some places to spend time with and he'd want it to be just them.

That boggles Justin's mind, honestly. He never, in a million years, had thought Brian would want to be monogamous, but they did.

The following few weeks, Justin and Brian had decided to take the final steps of being committed. They had bought a house for them, they signed for domestic partnership and they had sex without any barriers between them.

But just like every skeleton in the closet, secrets were revealed one by one in front of Justin. The most painful one was learning how Michael and Debbie had manipulated Brian's head, taking advantage of his incapacity to remember his past eleven years. Justin couldn't believe Michael would outright lie to Brian telling him they have a nine years relationship together, that almost made Justin thrashing the whole house.

He couldn't believe the gall of that opportunistic asshole, he didn't know that he was deceiving Brian for years and years now. He resented Michael so much at that time.

Then, that had him thinking about his own predicament. Justin was so terrified to face the ghost of his past with Brian. The things that he had done, the words that he had said. They had such a beautiful relationship now, and Justin was so scared that he'd ruin it again with telling Brian the truth.

But what Michael and Debbie had been doing to Brian was unacceptable and it hurts Justin so much that he was letting them do that to Brian.

In the end, as it always had, the fate always intervened. 

Everything would soon be laid open, lines had been crossed, trust had been abused and everything would change yet again. 

Justin knew this would cause a rift between the family and Brian, a rift where Justin couldn't be sure to be still repairable. He, too, wasn't certain if Brian could forgive him from what he did.

But Brian still wasn't out of the woods, yet. Justin had to focus on making sure Brian would get through this, and he promised to be there for him in any way that he could. He'd never leave Brian again, not until Brian would tell him to do so.

***

Sitting at the room with no sound, except for the beeping of the machines, had made Justin think of what he had done the last time Brian was in this condition.

He abandoned Brian, he left him to the care of his psychotic best friend, and let Michael's words get to his head. He was vulnerable that time, he was at the end of his rope and his emotions were all over.

Thinking back, Michael couldn't have known about his guilt over rejecting Brian that night, and Justin hadn't even thought of that. Whatever Michael was saying to him, it just all got straight right to his core and agreed about everything what Michael had said. 

He agreed that he was nothing but trouble, and he did nothing but hurt Brian. He agreed that Brian was better off without him and he had agreed to stay away from him.

Justin sighed, and held Brian's hand on his.

“I love you, Brian.” He whispered to the unresponsive man lying in the bed.

The night had passed, doctors and nurses were coming in and out of the room. They were all saying that Brian was doing okay, his vitals were going strong and he would be in and out of consciousness the whole night.

And Brian did woke up, though still in a heavy daze, he couldn't hold his eyelids for more than few seconds. That was great news according to the professionals, but Justin could only breathe normally again when Brian would fully wake up and could recognize him.

The next morning, when the doctor had decreased the dosage for his painkillers, Brian could keep his eyes open for a minute or even longer. Though, he didn't really talk or look at his surroundings or even at Justin, Brian was beginning to be a bit oriented. At noontime, his vitals had stabled and the doctors had agreed for Brian's transfer to a private room.

The room was spacious, just like Dr. Rodriguez had told him. It already had a cot on one side and Justin felt a little better seeing it. But being in here, Justin knew the gangs would be coming in throughout Brian's stay. This could also mean that a scuffle could break out from their group any moment they all would come in.

The first one came by two o'clock in the afternoon. Debbie and Michael's voices could be heard since they got off the elevator. Justin closed his eyes and looked heavenward, asking God for strength.

Michael ran to Brian's side as soon as they entered the room. Michael was teary eyed, as he stood on the opposite side of the bed where Justin was seated. Debbie was standing at the foot with her hands clenched together on her chest looking at Brian with worry.

Michael was saying to the sleeping Brian that he needed to get well, that Michael needed Brian and couldn't live without him. Justin glanced up at Michael when he heard that, he narrowed his eyes challenging him to say more. Michael glared at him in response, holding Brian's other hand.

“Michael…” Debbie called his son and her eyes flickered to Justin, looking apologetic and a little contrite.

“What, ma? I have more rights here than anyone wants to claim. I'm Brian's best friend.” Michael defended.

“Honey, just settle down a little. Brian is going to be fine.” She softly said to her son. Then she looked at Justin. “Right, Justin?”

Justin looked back at Brian's face and shrugged his shoulders. An uncomfortable silence had befallen them and Justin was incensed as Michael continued crying while he was stroking Brian's arm and twining their fingers. Debbie sat at the couch on one side of the room.

The door had suddenly opened, and nurse Nicole peeped in looking at Justin directly.

“Justin, Dr. Rodriguez has arrived and he wants to talk to you.” She said smiling a little. Justin nodded and stood up from his chair, glancing down at Brian and walked out with the nurse.

Justin whispered, “Please check on Brian while I'm with Dr. Rodriguez”, to nurse Nicole, who understandingly nodded her head.

Justin was only sitting for ten minutes, being updated on Brian's condition by Dr. Rodriguez, when the the doctor's beeper was suddenly alarming. The doctor had excused to check on it, then Justin saw the undisguised worry on his face.

The doctor looked up at Justin and stood abruptly, “We need to go, it's Brian.”

They both ran the hallways to Brian's room, but before Justin could enter, he was being held back by a male nurse.

“You can't go in, let the doctors check on him.”

Justin struggled a little, but he knew it was useless and he needed to be focused and be cooperative for Brian's sake. Then he could hear Michael's voice in the waiting room.

“What happened to Brian?” Justin asked the nurse who was holding him.

“He woke up. But then he started to get hysterical, the doctor needs to sedate him to calm him down.” Justin nodded.

“Why don't you sit in the waiting room with some of your friends? I'll call you when they are done with him.”

Justin obliged. He walked inside the waiting room to find the whole gang present. They were all surrounding Michael and Debbie, he supposed they were telling them what had happened, but they all looked at him when he entered the room.

Justin sat at one corner, and didn't look to where the others were. Emmett and Mel started to walk in his direction, sitting  on the chair on each sides.

“Hey, baby. How have you been dealing so far?” Emmett asked sympathetically. Mel stroked his back gently.

“It's been a long night… and day, but Brian is doing better. His vital is stable, thank god. They said he woke up, I was with the doctor.” Justin said trying to keep himself from crying.

“We are here for you and Brian. I know we all have things to talk about and clear out, but right now, we just have to focus on Brian.” Melanie kindly supplied.

Justin nodded and murmured his gratitude. He still didn't look at the direction of the others who were still standing on the other side of the room.

“Why don't you start talking about your disappearance, yeah, Sunshine?” Debbie's voice was suddenly heard.

Justin closed his eyes, God, he didn't want to do this here. He just wanted to be with Brian and not to think about anything else.

“Debbie, this is not the time for that.” Ted said, his voice was sounding irritated.

“Why? It's rude to just take off like that. He didn't even talk to me before he get lost.” Debbie was flushing a little.

“Asked your son, Deb.” Justin simply replied.

“What Michael has got to do with you being ungrateful?” Debbie was now in protective mother hen. Typical.

“You know what, Debbie, you are right. I'm being ungrateful, but not to you or anyone else, because as much as I'm glad that you took me in, you know that I had paid all my dues to you. I was giving third quarters of my paycheck to you. But it's Brian that I was being ungrateful of, I made a mistake of going away, letting him face his amnesia alone. I shouldn't have listened to your grateful son, but I did. And I let you two fucked up with his head.” Justin couldn't contain it anymore.

“What do you mean, baby--” Emmett was about to ask but Michael cut off.

“Brian was never alone! And it was best that you left, he never wanted you to be there!” Michael was screeching. Ted had to move away to save his eardrum.

“And he wanted you there? Tell me, Michael, how does it feel when even a Brian with amnesia still wouldn't want to be with you?”

Michael was red as a tomato, Debbie had looked away from the piercing look that Justin was giving them.

“Justin, there's no need to feel smug about your position in Brian's life.” Lindsay was so quiet in all this drama, but now she looked like she was about to get hysterical.

“But he wasn't, Lindsay. Michael had already tried to break them up, and I'm not talking about two years ago either. We don't know that it was Justin, but he tried to make it looked like Brian was cheating on his partner when we were at the loft. Brian told me, Michael, so don't even think to deny it.” Emmett was shooting daggers at Michael who was about to deny his words.

Ben entered the room at that precise time, making Emmett, Ted, Melanie and even Lindsay to walk up to him and hugged the newcomer. Michael who was talking to his mother had suddenly gone pale, and became visibly anxious.

Ben smiled at them and hugged his friends back, then he looked at Justin who was standing from where he sat before and Ben walked the small distance.

“Hey, Justin. I'm sorry to hear about Brian.” Ben said and caught the smaller man on his arms.

“Thanks, Ben. Thanks for coming, the doctors are inside Brian's room right now.” Justin said without elaborating any further.

Ben nodded, and patted Justin's shoulder once again as they sat on the chairs. Everyone who welcomed Ben had followed through and sat on the chairs next to Ben’s and Justin's. Leaving the Novotny's on the other side of the room.

“I'm glad you two are back together.” Ben suddenly said, he was talking softly, but it was heard so clearly across the room.

Justin got intrigued by that, “How did you know?”

“Brian has told me.” Ben smiled at him.

“Really.” It wasn't a question. “When?” Justin had an idea about this, and honestly, it all made sense to him now.

“Sunday after Christmas. I saw him at the gym…” He looked up, squinting a little. “We had some talking, and he told me about the two of you.”

“Did he recognize you, Ben?” Justin asked, shifting his body slightly to face Ben.

“No. I thought he was ignoring me, because he was mad at me for breaking up with Michael. I learned that, he thought I'm cruising him. You know what he said to me? And I swear I thought Brian was taken by a pod person, Justin.” He chuckled a little. Everyone was listening intently, even Michael who was trying to ignore Ben’s presence.

“What did he say Ben?” He asked in a soft voice.

“That he wasn't interested. He said he wasn't available and was very committed to his partner.” Ben smiled indulgently, Emmett ‘aawww’ was heard from two seats away.  

“I swear he said that to me, Justin. Then when I told him that I knew him from two years ago, he said, ‘Oh, so you were one of my countless tricks. Sorry, buddy, I'm really in a committed relationship, so the answer is still no.’ It got me all worried, he was obviously not well, so I told him about me and Michael.” Michael made an unpleasant squeak, like a pig who was being slaughtered.

“He got all flustered, then began to get interested with what I was saying. He admitted that he was suffering from amnesia, and asked me to see some mementos at my place. He took a picture of you and Gus that I have.”

Justin bit his lips, and nodded to himself. Yeah, it all made sense now. So, apparently, Brian had learned all the truth on Sunday. And according to Emmett, which had actually hurt Justin to know, Brian had dinner with them all on Monday at Lindsay and Mel’s place, before Brian had the accident.

Brian knew that Justin was miserably waiting for him since Sunday, and he was worried sick not knowing what was happening. Though, Justin already had a hunch about Brian knowing the truth, it still pained him to know that he was out having dinner with his family without even letting him know.

That thought had supplied his intuition that Brian was mad at him. Though, he texted him that he was coming home to him, it wouldn't mean Brian wasn't angry. Brian must've been livid with Michael and Debbie when he learned about their deceit, but he was still there having dinner with them.

After few moments, the door to the waiting room had opened and Dr. Rodriguez had appeared. He made a beeline to Justin, while the young man quickly stood on his feet.

“Mr. Taylor…” The doctor began, but Michael walked to where they were standing and interrupted the conversation.

“Doctor, how is Brian? Why did he react like that when he woke up?”

The doctor turned to look at Michael for few seconds, then he returned to face Justin again.

“Mr. Taylor, Mr. Kinney is completely awake by now. I want to talk to you in private but I think I need to say this in front of all of Mr. Kinney's friends and family.”

“I'm glad you finally think that way, doc. Brian needs us, his family who is there for him since he was fourteen.” Michael said a little smugly.

“Let me clear this to all of you. Mr. Taylor is still the only person that is allowed to have Mr. Kinney's medical updates. Whatever he wants to share to all of you, it's his personal decision. Now, as I was saying, Mr. Kinney has awaken, but he has gone into a bit of hysterics.” Dr. Rodriguez looked at Michael, then to all who were present there.

“This is important for all of you to know, Mr. Kinney is having trouble associating the real memory to the false ones and his mind can't handle it. He is mentally unstable right now. I don't mean that he needs to be transferred to psychiatric ward nor there is a need for him to be. He just needs time to think of what's true and not.”

“What do you mean by that? What's true or not? We don't understand.” Lindsay asked, her voice was in total confusion.

“Real memory and the false ones. I have already explained two years ago that feeding Mr. Kinney's mind with too much information, especially the false informations could hinder his brain’s healing process, I pointed out how it could have irreversible effects on him.” The doctor faced Justin again.

“Mr. Taylor, we decided, that Mr. Kinney needs the time to heal without someone's interference or influence on the situation. He is so fragile right now, and another misinformation could lead a severe damage to his brain. He is under sedation for an hour or two, then we would like to talk to him first, calm him if he's going to be hysterical again. Then, he can choose whom he'd think can help him clear things up.”

The room was so quiet you could hear a pin dropped.

“Is it agreeable to you, Mr. Taylor? We are looking for your partner's best interest here.”

Justin swallowed dryly, he blinked his eyes to hold the tears and nodded.

“Yeah, of course, doctor. Please do whatever you think can help Brian.” Mel put a supportive arm on the small of Justin's back.

The doctor nodded, pleased to know that Justin didn't view their decision as questioning his place on Brian's life. Before the doctor left, he told Justin that he would be kept posted on Brian's condition.

The room was silent even after the doctor had left. No one could verbalize their thoughts and they were mostly shocked about what they heard. Their eyes were flickering between Michael and Justin, trying to get some sense into what was happening.

“I swear I'm going to sue this hospital for not letting us see Brian. They withhold informations from us, and Brian is in there having mental instabilities. For all we know, someone’s poisoning his head and forcing his way again into Brian's life.” Michael sneered, glaring daggers at Justin.

Justin narrowed his eyes and looked at Michael in equally blazing ones. The gall of this wacko. “Well, I'm sure as hell was not the one deceiving Brian in making him believe that he was my boyfriend for nine fucking years.”

A collection of surprised gasps were heard around the room. They were all, except for Debbie, looking at Michael with shocked expression. Ben had a looked that was edging on pity and disrespect.

Justin hadn't wanted to get baited by Michael. This wasn't about them, it was about Brian and his health. But he couldn't just let this remorseless piece of shit to get away with everything he had done to Brian. Justin wasn't innocent either and he was totally aware of that, but he hadn't made up a fucked up stories to fit his sick fantasy.

“What-- wha-- oh my god, how can this be happening?” Emmett said shaking his head in denial. “You mean, when we were talking about his ex boyfriend, he wasn't talking about Justin, he was talking about you?”

“The guy has amnesia and you took advantage of it? What kind of a sick person you are?” Melanie gritted her teeth. She couldn't believe he made this man the father of her unborn child.

“What? You believing this piece of shit? He came back bearing legal papers and you all welcomed him with open arms? How sure you all are that he isn't lying? He is a cheater and opportunistic in the first place. How can you all be looking at me like that and not question this asshole of what lies he has been telling Brian.” Michael looked smugly at Justin when the others had quieted down.

“Have you all seen them together? Did Brian get to mention the name of his boyfriend to any of you? Brian didn't even bring him the other night to have dinner with us! How can you all be sure that he is Brian's boyfriend? He had the chance to bring him to us, but Brian didn't, because Justin is only a fuck and would always be just a fuck to Brian! Nothing more!” 

Michael ended up shouting, a vein on his forehead was so prominent that Justin was afraid it would burst.

“I know Justin is Brian's partner. I just told you all that Brian told me so.” Ben’s voice cut the silence that had started to descend on them.

“I can tell you that I talk to the pope last night. I can tell you that I'm the president of Ghana. I can tell you that I have been to the moon and dance there, doesn't mean shit, though.” Michael taunted.

“Yeah, like how you can tell Brian that you two had a relationship? An intimate relationship for how many years? Nine fucking years? Yeah, right. So pathetic and desperate.” Ben smirked unkindly, he looked angry. “If you must know, I talked to Brian last Sunday.”

“Don't insult my son, Ben. You don't have the right.” Debbie interjected.

“Yeah, of course. It's only Michael who is allowed to be cruel and vicious. Didn't you hear that he is deceiving Brian? Or do you already know, Debbie, but still supported the sick games Michael had been doing?” Ben shook his head disbelievingly, his face twisted in disgust as Debbie looked away.

“Oh my god…” Ted whispered in daze.

“I think I'm going to be sick.” Mel said rubbing her abdomen. Lindsay ran to her side and asked her if she needed to go to the bathroom. She shook her head, and took the bottle of water from Lindsay.

“Are you happy now, Ben? Are you here to destroy me and my mother?” Michael said angrily.

“Destroy you and Deb? Why would I? I am defending Justin whom you are doubting his place in Brian's life just because Brian didn't tell you about him. Are you happy destroying Brian and Justin's life?” Ben answered.

“Stop now both of you!” Debbie shouted.

There was a few seconds silence, but then Justin's voice was heard, saying, “Why don't you continue telling us your talk with Brian last Sunday, Ben? I want to hear that.”

Ben looked at Justin and nodded.

“He was too shocked when I introduced myself as ‘his best friend’s ex-boyfriend’. You see, he didn't recognize me. I didn't have an idea either that he was in an accident. Michael had been emailing me for a year now, but he surely didn't mention it to me, and now I wonder why.” Ben looked at Michael dubiously. 

“It was funny when he thought I was hitting on him. But I was really taken aback when he openly admitted that he was in a committed relationship. I asked if he was ‘back again’ with Justin, and he said that he was. Looking back, I think Brian was surprised to hear me say the words back again.” It was his turn to look at Justin.

“Because all he knew it was Michael who he was involved with.” Ted said, shaking his head. “For nine years? Wow. Nice storyline, though it's so cliché.”

“So, how did you meet again, baby?” Emmett the romantic at heart.

“Brian saw me once when I was seating at a cafe house, it was early September according to him. I didn't see him at that time, he didn't approach me, either. Then, Brian said, he saw me like three times more, randomly. At the mall, on a bus stop, until he saw me at my work. That's how we met again.” Justin fidgeted with his fingers, this was time to tell all of them of what they didn't know.

“No one knew what really happened to us, except for me and Brian. Our break up and my disappearance didn't mean we weren't seeing each other, because we did.”

“You calling me manipulative, when it was you who keeps on cheating to your boyfriends.” Michael snarked.

“After one month of our split, I have learned he paid my tuition for PIFA, and it was so overwhelming. It was such a big deal to me, when I was already resigned to have to stop my schooling. I went to the loft to personally thank him, and he was the same Brian that I know. He was joking at me, flirting even, until…” Justin trailed off.

“Brian cannot resist your beauty, baby.” Emmett smiled.

“We saw each other secretly after that, I know it was wrong but I still love Brian. I never stop loving him. The night of the accident, he asked me to go with him to Hawaii and told me when we came back we can move my things back to the loft.”

“You refused him.” Mel said softly.

Justin wiped the tears that rolled down on his face with the front of his shirt. “Yeah, I was so scared. I thought that I couldn't handle another break up with Brian if ever I was getting back with him. My head was so confused, and when I went to Ethan's apartment, I realized that my life would be nothing if it wasn't with Brian. Romance and flowers wouldn't give me happiness, Brian would.”

Justin rubbed his face roughly.

“I was a mess, I felt so guilty for what happened to him. I had done and said some things that I shouldn't have and I regretted it until this day. I came to see Brian both at the loft and here, Michael knows it-- both of it-- he even called a police on me instead of telling me that Brian was in an accident.”

“The fuck?” Mel cursed out.

“He got to me when I was so down and broken. I was so full of guilt that everything he said had gone straight to my head. It was a coward moved from my part, but I thought I was giving you all, especially Brian, a favor by staying away. And I did stay away, I want Brian to be happy and like Michael said, he was better off without me.” Ben, who was still sitting beside Justin, caught him in a side embrace.

“But then, we found each other again, and I couldn't tell Brian what happened before his accident, that we have known each other before. I didn't have the heart to rehash it to him and risked what we were building up again. It was killing me, and I know, soon enough everything would come out. But I just couldn't, we were so happy and I finally had the things that I thought I could only have in my dreams. Brian had finally let me in, and I know it was so selfish of me to keep the truth from him, but I was so afraid, so terrified.”

The room had gone quiet again. No one knew what to say, they were all in awe of how Justin and Brian were fated to each other.

“I don't want to be insensitive or something, but, God, this is like a movie. It's so fascinating how the heart cannot forget.” Emmett said a little teary eyed.

“Apparently, the mind can forget but the heart always remembers.” Melanie said.

“And he calls you ‘my heart’.” It came from Ted. It made Justin looked up and smiled albeit a little sad.

“How'd you know, Teddy?” Emmett asked leaning forward to look at his friend’s face. Brian had told him about that once on the phone, but Emmett wondered how Ted knew.

“Remember when we were at the loft? Brian was at the bathroom and his phone rang, the caller ID said ‘Mo chroí’. When Michael asked who was Mo, Brian didn't recognize the name, but when Michael said what a stupid name Mo Chroí was, Brian fled to the bathroom with his phone in hands.” Ted told them, Emmett was nodding in remembrance.

“I kind of researched the meaning. It's Gaelic for ‘my heart’. Didn't we notice his loft was devoid of some of his important things, like his computer and DVDs? I guess, if we checked his closet, it was already empty.” Ted continued.

“Gus calls Justin, ‘daddy's heart’.” Lindsay said. It made Mel looked at her and smiled a little bit.

“Brian brought him to my work place one day, introduced us to each other. He was like…” Justin was telling them in a surprisingly happy tone, “... ‘Justin, this is Gus--my son. Gus this is Justin-- he's daddy's heart’.”

Emmett's ‘awww’ was heard, and most of them were smiling. How could they not know this Brian better, why were they so hung up on the idea of him going back to his old self?

“Why I never knew Brian is seeing someone? I only know last night when Lindsay invited us to meet Brian's new boyfriend.” Debbie asked, which made them all stop.

“We don't know anything about Justin at all, Deb. Though, we had an itsy bitsy hunched that there was something or someone so important that he ditched us all after he called Mo chroí that evening at the loft. He was a bit flustered, a little worried too, I guess.” Ted said looking straight at Debbie. 

“That's because Michael made it looked like Brian was cheating on Justin. I told you that, Brian told me that.” Emmett said.

“And the ring, don't forget the ring, we all have gossiped about it since that night.” Ted looked at Emmett who nodded. Then, all their eyes had shifted to Justin's finger. Justin lifted it to show them. 

“But nothing was definite. Brian wasn't talking more about his personal life.” Ted added.

“Then, Brian mentioned for the first time that he was seeing someone on the morning of Michael's emergency at the hospital. Ted blabbed to Mel about it.” Emmett supplied.

“And we don't have an idea that daddy's heart is actually Justin. Though, Gus wouldn't stop talking about his daddy's heart. Last night was the first time we all have seen or heard from him in two years.” It was Melanie.

“Vic was the first one to know that Brian was seeing someone.”  They all looked at the new comer, it was Rodney. “Brian called Vic last thanksgiving, and he admitted that he was in South Beach with someone special. Though, I don't think Brian actually mentioned Justin's name.” 

Rodney walked inside the room.

“You must be Justin.” He said offering his hand to the young man, who stood up to accept it.

“Yes, I'm Justin Taylor. I'm so sorry about Vic.”

Rodney smiled sadly, “He is in a better place now.” Justin nodded. “How is Brian?”

“He has awaken, but still under observation. I'm sorry that the doctors are not allowing anyone to get to his room in couple of hours, maybe even more.”

“That's okay. We want Brian to get well. The doctors know better.” Rodney said, sitting on one of the vacant chairs.

The conversations had lulled after that. They were avoiding Michael who was quietly sitting beside his mother. Ted and Emmett had gone to the cafeteria after an hour of waiting, and bought the group coffees and sandwiches.

They ate after that, but Justin hadn't even finished half of his food. Not long after, Dr. Rodriguez came to tell them that Brian had been awaken and lucid, some professionals were with him to evaluate his physical and mental health. He told Justin specifically, that Brian would be the one to choose the person he wanted to talk and trying to clear his mind with.

Justin nodded and uttered that he'd understand. It should be Brian's choice whom he was comfortable talking to. Justin couldn't help hoping Brian would ask for him, he wanted to be there for Brian. But after all the truth had revealed, Justin wasn't even sure if he could face Brian right now.

After almost an hour, doctor Rodriguez came back. Everyone was waiting with baited breath, and Justin was trying not to get his hopes up.

“Hello, everyone. Mr. Kinney's assessment was done.” The good doctor faced Justin and addressing him for his next words. “Are you allowing me to say Brian's condition in front of everyone, or do you prefer to have a private conversation for this?”

“It's okay, doctor Rodriguez, you can tell us all.” Justin assured him.

“Okay, so, Mr. Kinney is calmed and collected, and so far, he has understood that he was in his second accident-- not the same first one. Apparently, when he woke up and seeing Mr. Novotny, he thought it was the same time as he woke up on his first accident.”

Everyone was holding their breath as the doctor continued.

“What I mean to say, he thought, everything that had happened between the two accidents didn't really happen. He thought it was just a long dream while in coma and he freaked out. But when we make sure to him that this is his second car accident in over two years, he got a bit calmer.”

The doctor looked at Justin and continued.

“He also let us swear that Mr. Taylor is his partner and not Mr. Novotny. I assure him that his current legal partner is Mr. Justin Taylor and it is all proven with legal documents in our files. That settled him even more, and a psychologist was with him and it all went well. So…”

He turned to look at all the faces around him.

“He asked for his ‘Mo chroí’ to be with him. That's you, Mr. Taylor, eh?” Dr. Rodriguez smiled to the anxious man in front of him. He clapped him on his shoulder, “That's okay, just talk to him. Answer everything that he wanted to know, clear those things that still hazy to him. Be totally honest, that's all he needs right now.”

“I will, doctor, you can be assured of that.” He said with conviction, then, he looked at the doctor curiously. “Did Brian's memory came back?”

The doctor shook his head, “No, he still can't remember anything. But that's what we are trying to do, help him to sort the things that is suppressing it.”

“Thank you for helping Brian, doc.” Justin said to the good doctor who only nodded. But Michael had to interrupt, of course.

“Wait! That's it? How can you be sure he will tell Brian the truth? He is lying to him all this time--”

“Michael, stop this.” Ben told him sternly.

“What? You can't tell me what to do. Who are you, and why are you even here, anyway?” Michael barbed at Ben who looked at him unflinching.

“I will not even justify that with an answer. We are here for Brian and Brian's well being only.” Ben jibed back.

“The decision of sending Mr. Taylor to Mr. Kinney's room, is actually Mr. Kinney's. If you must know, Mr. Novotny, it was mainly your presence there when he opened his eyes that made him freak out.”

Dr. Rodriguez looked at him squarely in the eyes.

“I suggest, if you are here solely for Mr. Kinney's sake, let us do what we have to do and not contradict it. We are here to help, and we will help every patients that we have, to the best of our abilities. Now, if you can excuse us.” He gestured to Justin to walk with him, and they left the room in stunning silence.

***

Justin opened the door so gently that it wouldn't disturb a fly if there was one on it. He could see Brian sleeping on the bed, and he looked so peaceful and calm.

He walked to the side of the bed tentatively. Justin was honestly lost on what he should be doing, he guessed, he was going with instinct here. He just hoped, he'd be more help than to make it worse for Brian.

He was staring at his partner that he didn't realize he was silently crying.

“Are you going to just stare at me? You can start by kissing your partner, you know.”

Justin was startled, but it was what he needed to know, that he was allowed to touch the love of his life. And so he carefully leaned down and touched Brian face with his hand. Running his thumb on his cheek and kissed the lips that Justin was dying to kiss again.

“I love you, Brian. I love you so much. Please, forgive me for what I've done.” He kissed Brian's lips again, mindful of his bruised shoulder.

“I love you, too. I will always love you, mo chroí.” Brian answered and lifted his right hand to cup Justin's face and deepening the kiss as far as his lungs could endure without breathing.

“I must taste so awful.” Brian said, looking a little shyly at him. Justin smiled in response, but leaned down to peck his lips again.

“No, it's not. You taste fine, still the best one that I ever had.”

Justin sat at the chair beside the bed, and held on to Brian's hand.

“Are they giving you shit out there?” He softly asked, twining their fingers together.

“No, the hospital staffs are all kind and understanding. They didn't object to any of our papers. Dr. Rodriguez has been great, he is updating me personally about your progress and conditions.”

“Good. But I don't mean the medical team. I meant about the family outside. Michael and Debbie especially.” Brian was studying his face.

“It's okay, I can handle them.”

“But you don't have, too.”

“They've been great so far, Brian, well, except for you know who. And Ben and Rodney are here, too.”

Brian nodded, then looked up at Justin intently.

“I freaked out, you know. I freaked out when I saw Michael hovering over me. It was a nightmare, thinking I just woke up from the coma that I had before. It freaked me out thinking that you were just a dream, those things that we have, those things that we did-- I just lost it thinking it wasn't all true and I was back to being without you. Or worse, being with Michael.”

Brian had actually looked a bit paler all of a sudden.

“Brian, you need to know the truth. I learned from Ben that he had told you some things that I should have been the one to tell you from the first time we met again.” Justin glanced down to their twined hands.

“Yeah, you should have, Justin. But, whatever stopping you from being honest with me, I know you have a reason for that.”

“Yeah, I have. But it wouldn't justify the fact that I had lied to you, too.”

Brian tightened the grip on his hand.

“For what it's worth, I'm glad to know that it was actually you that I had a relationship with, and not anyone else's. It makes me feel terrible, too, learning how I mistreated you before. I'm really sorry for that, mo chroí. I'm truly sorry for subjecting you to a life like that.” Brian squeezed his hand. 

“Admittedly, I was so hurt knowing you are hiding things from me. But, I wish you know that you can tell me anything, and whatever it is, I will try to understand, Justin. It may hurt me knowing the truth but I want you to know that I will open my mind about it.”

Justin couldn't hold his tears anymore. Brian was here, lying in a hospital bed, was deceived by his friends and even Justin himself, but he was still the one making him feel better.

“Don't cry, my heart. Please… don't cry.” He yanked on Justin's hand to make him lean on his uninjured shoulder. “Help me get through this. I need you to help me get through with this.”

“I'll do everything I can, Brian. And I promise, I will never leave you again.” Justin cried to his shoulder.

“I want to know the truth. Why don't you start by telling me our story. Start on the night we first met.” Brian lovingly said, lifting their twined hands and kissed the back of Justin's palm.

“Okay… But I want you to be comfortable. I don't want to hurt your shoulder.”

“You are not. It's my left one that is hurting. Why don't you come and lay down beside me?”

“You sure? But your head--”

“My head is fine. I'll tell you if I'm hurting, I promise.”

Justin was hesitant, but he wanted to get closer to his partner, Brian was feeling the same.

When they settled, Justin was lying on his side facing Brian. His right hand was still connected with Brian's left and Justin rested his left arm on his partner’s lower abdomen. Brian teased him to put it on his dick, and Justin chortled, “Maybe, later, stud.”

Brian kissed him on his lips, and moaned that he missed Justin so much. Justin was thinking the same, but just being so close to Brian was more than enough especially after his tragic accident.

“So, tell me, mo chroí… how did we meet the first time around?”

“Well, I was seventeen and I want to experience the life of being gay and… I guess, I just want to meet someone and have sex. It was crazy and risky, I know, you've told me enough times. But, I'm lucky that I met you, I don't regret being stupid that night. You asked me to come with you, I agreed and we left Michael, Ted and Emmett steaming on the side of the road.”

Brian chuckled lightly, but then he got sobered immediately. “It was risky, Justin. My god, my heart is racing just to hear that from you. So, I was your first? I mean, I heard it from Ben the other day, but was I really the first one to make love to you?”

Justin nodded, “Yeah, you were my first. And it was great, you know. You've met me and Gus at the same night.”

“We met the night my son was born?” Brian's voice was full of amusement.

Justin nodded with twinkle in his eyes and proceeded to tell Brian how it happened. Brian had heard the story about the night of Gus’ birth, but in Michael's version, it was just the two of them who fled to the hospital from the loft where they were ‘making love’ when Mel called.

Justin went on telling Brian about their lives when they first got together, and how Brian was stubbornly resisting to let Justin in. Justin had to stop sometimes, just to soothe or made sure to Brian that he had gotten over it, when the story would tackle on how Brian treated Justin especially on their few months together.

He also made sure to mention how Brian was there for him, helping him in his own way, and how he had gone through the aftermath of bashing with Brian on his side.

Brian had shuddered, and whimpered while holding Justin's hand so tightly, when the bashing was mentioned.

“How come I didn't learn to value our relationship, and you for that matter, after you nearly-- I was so fucking asshole, Justin. How did you stay that long with me?” Brian was shattered knowing this things. The truth hurts, as they said.

“Because I loved you.” Justin whispered. “And I believed in you, somehow I really believed that you wanted me in your life, Brian. I even know that you might've loved me even back then.”

“You were scared, Brian. Until now, I can't remember the prom, but Daphne said you were so happy that night. But then, you have to experience the pain of seeing someone you cared about got hurt. The pain that you've felt made you think about your childhood.

“You've been hurt by the people that should've been the ones to love you the most. That was the pain that somehow made you closed off or be skeptical about lot of things. When I met you, you were so guarded, you don't believe in love, in relationships, in regrets, you don't apologize and you do whatever your heart desires.

“I want to think, that I somehow made an impact on you. I know, because I felt it. That was what upset me the most, I know that you cared and loved me, but you were fighting it, you were trying your best not to fall in love with me. And when I got hurt, your fear had been justified. And you continued keeping me on arms length.

“What happened to me is not anybody's fault except for Chris Hobbs.” Justin felt Brian flinching when he heard the name. Brian remain stilled after that.

Then Justin went on with the part where he was most uncomfortable with. The time of his cheating on Brian, the time where he felt romance and sweet words were the measures of being in love.

Brian was so quiet listening on how Justin went to choose the other guy over him, right after Brian pushed him from the proverbial Kinney cliff. 

Brian had to put his right hand on his head upon hearing that. Justin got worried and stopped to check on his partner. Brian was squinting, then he'd dig his thumb and index fingers on his temples. Justin was about to get off the bed to call the doctor, but Brian stopped him, told him to give him just a few minutes.

Justin respected what Brian asked of him. He was lying there looking at his partner so worriedly, but he remained silent, he didn't even dare to move.

After ten minutes, or even more, Brian took his hand off his head and face, and looked down at his partner. Brian was looking at him like it was the first time he saw him. That made Justin so scared, he hoped, after his last confessions, Justin could still call Brian his partner.

Brian told him to continue, and Justin hesitated a bit. But he knew he needed to. This was all about Brian, and he swore to help him in any way he could, even if it could lose the man he loved.

So, to end it, Justin told him about their secret affair for two months before the accident. How Brian had asked him to have a vacation together in Hawaii and practically asking him to move back into the loft when they came back. How he had refused to what Brian was offering, and how he ran back to the hotel after realizing that he didn't care what Brian could or couldn't give him-- he just wanted to be with Brian. 

He told Brian how he went to the loft and waited on his door. How Michael found him sleeping, and refused to share the information that Brian was in an accident, instead he called the police on him. He mentioned how he was coming back and forth to the loft for days, if it weren't for Brian's neighbor, Justin wouldn't know sooner what had happened to Brian.

Then, he shared how he went to the hospital and had let Michael get through to his head. How coward he was for turning his back on Brian when he needed Justin the most. How his guilt had made him to cower from everything that was happening around him. How he thought staying away from Brian would be the best thing that he could do to his partner.

But then, he told Brian how he tried to get his life back together, how he coped being alone and away from Brian. He confessed about the tuition he refunded, how he used it as a way of living off of the streets, and enrolled at a much affordable ones.

Justin was actually bracing himself from Brian's reaction, and he couldn't honestly tell what he was feeling from the expression on his face. Brian was stilled and quiet, and hadn't said anything for quite sometime.

Justin thought that, if this was the last time he'd be with Brian, Justin didn't want it to make it harder for the both of them. He'd wait for what Brian would tell him, and Justin would respect whatever his partner would ask of him. Brian deserved that much from Justin.

After few agonizing minutes, Brian shifted slightly as far as his injured shoulder would allow him, and kissed Justin's head. His hand that was holding Justin's hand was tightening in his hold.

“I was on my way to your apartment to talk to you, maybe even beg you to come back to me. I was so determined to make you understand that I would do anything for you, Justin.” Brian paused. “And I will not stop doing it, until the day I die.”

Justin was totally stunned. He sat up quickly, he was gaping and wide eyed staring down at his partner with wonderment written all over his beautiful face. God, he couldn't believe this. 

Brian smiled at him, the ever familiar tongue in cheek smile, and reached to cup his still gaping face, and lovingly said, “You're still beautiful, as beautiful as you were the first time I saw you under that lamppost, mo chroí.”