Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

 

Wednesday mornings were supposed to be the busiest day of the week. It could be because it was the day in the middle of hard working days. Everyone wanted to rush everything in preparation for a stress-free weekend. 

 

That particular snowy morning, People were bustling the streets to go to wherever they supposed to be going. Office workers, students, street vendors and even some hustlers who were just going to feed themselves after a vigorous night of work, were all minding their own in the busy streets of Pittsburgh.

 

It was the day that Brian supposed to be sitting in his office creating brilliant ads, meeting clients and going home to the man that had changed his life for the better.

 

Brian was supposed to be working and reaping the benefits for taking the advertising world by storm with his expertise. He should have been attending the employees Christmas party that Gardner had been kind enough to give his staff before going for a long Christmas weekend off. 

 

Instead, he was standing in a corner of Rodney and Vic’s house, listening to Emmett and Ted regaling about the real state of the situation.

 

It was a much gloomy few days for everyone in their circle of friends. It would be a sad Christmas for them all, most especially Debbie, Michael and Rodney.

 

The dark clouds that had loomed over Brian's head started that Sunday when he succumbed to Michael's request for him to visit. He should've known that everything was only a way for Michael to get him alone and tried blackmailing him.

 

The thought had made Brian see red and he was still furious even after three days had gone. He couldn't even look at Michael and not remembering what had transcribed on that Sunday morning. But he needed to set his emotions aside in a time like this. 

 

What he didn't want was for Debbie to hear all that especially the fact that his son had tried to off himself just to get attention from Brian. And what was worse, he'd gladly do it again if it meant he could have Brian back in his life. It was sick, so sick that Brian couldn't even fathom how Michael could be this venomous.

 

When he was in his truck after fleeing Michael's apartment, he couldn't help but cry and grieved for the friendship that he was sure had lost.

 

He arrived at Starbucks just in time for Justin to hop into the truck. And his ever perceptive partner had immediately sense that something was troubling him.

 

They went to have lunch at a diner near the school campus. Fortunately, that day being Sunday, it meant the place was nearly empty.

 

Brian proceeded to relate the distressing event that took place at Michael's apartment. When he came to tell about Debbie being there, Justin had suddenly gone paler than usual and he saw his hands trembling until he dropped the utensils in his hands.

 

The clacking sounds as it hit the plate had garnered the attentions of the few patrons that were dining on the other booths.

 

Brian was so slow to react. It was so unexpected and he honestly hadn't counted that reaction from his partner. Of course, he couldn't blame if Justin would be mad or even resented Michael for being devious and manipulative, but judging by Justin's reaction just now, he didn't look mad or anything like that, instead Justin looked frightened.

 

Brian didn't know what just happened and he suddenly abandoned his chair and food to sit beside his partner. He hugged him close to him and he lovingly ran his hand on Justin's stiff back.

 

“Hey, what just happened, mo chroí?” He softly asked. Justin was still holding him and fisting Brian's front shirt as if he was afraid to let go of it. This was puzzling Brian, Justin was acting uncharacteristically petrified.

 

“Shh, it's okay. You don't have to worry about Michael, okay? I have promised you that, my heart, have I not?”

 

Justin hid his face on Brian's neck and his hold had tightened than it ever was.

 

“You are scaring me, Justin. Please, talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you? Something is bothering you this past few days now, and something tells me that it's not about Michael.”

 

Brian had noticed it, yet he thought it was just because of everything that was happening around them especially the Michael issue, it was sure would bother his partner. But as days gone by, Brian felt that it was entirely something different. 

 

Justin had become a little subdued and he always caught him looking into space. When he asked if he was worried about Michael, Justin always told him that he wasn't thinking of him and Brian believed him. He could see in Justin's eyes that he was telling the truth, but then it left a whole new puzzle for him to think. What was going on in his partner's little blond head?

 

“You know that you can always talk to me, right?” Brian tried another approach. When it didn't elicit any reactions from Justin, Brian had begun to really worry. “Justin, whatever it is, I'll wait until you are ready to tell me. I'll be here for you, I'll listen if you don't want me to say anything. You'll have my shoulder if you just need to unload a tear or two, okay?”

 

That made Justin nodded to his neck as he felt the tears running down his collarbone.

 

“I love you so much, my heart.” Brian lovingly whispered and kissed his forehead.

 

Justin drew a deep, shuddering breath and eased his hold on Brian a little. They stayed huddled together for quite some time. Brian let his partner took all the time he needed and he never complained even his left arm had gone numb for almost ten minutes.

 

He didn't even care how they would look to the other patrons there, he had only Justin to worry about.

 

Justin finally pulled away from him after fifteen minutes more and Brian had tried his best to let him feel that it was okay for Justin to unload on his shoulder like that. He wanted his partner to feel comfortable opening up any emotions to him.

 

“What do you want to do?” Brian asked as they walked hand in hand to the door.

 

“Let's just go home, Brian.” Justin answered looking up from his lashes. “I just want to be with you.”

 

Brian gave him his version of sunshine smile and said, “You can always have me anytime you want. I'm yours, remember?”

 

Justin squeezed their twined hands, kissing Brian's shoulder with eyes twinkling up at him saying without words that he was absolutely aware of it. The gesture had melted Brian's heart.

 

When they got home, Brian prepared their tub and put lavender and chamomile essential oils, adding just a handful of lavender buds.

 

He stripped both their clothes and arranged themselves so that Justin would lay his back on Brian's chest. They soaked in a comfortable silence just rubbing each other's arms or thighs. 

 

The atmosphere was so relaxing and soothing, and in a way, the gentle running of Brian's palms on Justin's chest down to his happy trails was arousing to them both. When Brian lowered his hands down to Justin's thigh avoiding the engorging manhood, the blond couldn't help the moan came out of his lips.

 

Then Brian slowly palming his balls while his other hand ran up to play with Justin's nipples. 

 

“Brian…” Justin moaned his name as he started to sucked on his partner's neck. Brian's cock was so hard jutting on Justin's lower back.

 

“I want to be inside you, mo chroí.” Brian whispered before catching Justin's lips on his. He kissed Justin fervently, sticking his tongue inside while his hand was stroking his partner's hard cock.

 

Justin who was already far gone, twisted his body to face Brian. He straddled Brian's lap and they rutted together as they bit and nipped at each other's lips.

 

But the water made the friction on their cocks less satisfying and Brian made the decision of lifting Justin from his butt, settling him carefully on his waist before going out of the tub without taking their mouths off of each other.

 

He put Justin on the bed as gently as he could and they both bounced on the comfortable mattress. Brian took Justin's mouth a little roughly biting down to his neck and collarbone while sticking his index and middle finger inside Justin's mouth to wet it.

 

All the while, he was teasing Justin's entrance with the tip of his cock that was bubbling with precum, wetting it and slightly pushing just a little, but not enough to really penetrate.

 

When Brian was satisfied with the saliva on his fingers as Justin sucked on it like it was his dick, he pulled it out and stuck it without preamble into Justin's hole.

 

“Ahh…” Justin moaned from the sudden intrusion, but the wet fingers together with the precum had made the fingers slid so easily. Brian added a third finger and scissored it for couple of times.

 

Then Brian kissed Justin again, all wet and hot, while slowly entering his raw cock onto his partner's wet entrance.

 

“God…” Justin breathe through Brian's mouth.

 

Brian didn't stop until he filled him to the hilt. He paused for a while, invading Justin's mouth with his tongue and sucking Justin's like there was no tomorrow. Brian could feel his saliva on Justin's chin and it motivated him to do the same on his partner's neck as he ran his wet tongue on it, sucking and nipping.

 

Then he started to pull out slowly then pushing right in. He did it slowly for a few more times then increasing the pace as Justin was thrashing underneath him in abandonment.

 

“Brian…” He whispered as he clawed on his partner's back.

 

“You like that?” Brian asked through their mouths, while thrusting so hard that the bed had been creaking and banging to the wall.

 

“Ye-yes… Yes, I… love it, Brian…” Justin tried to meet Brian's thrusts but his partner paused for a split second then abruptly pulled out of him. Justin frustratingly groaned and hit his fist on Brian's bicep.

 

But then, Brian pushed Justin's knees up to his ears exposing his pink quirking hole. Without any words, Brian suddenly plowed back into Justin's waiting entrance so hard that the blond could literally see stars.

 

Brian gave all that he got into thrusting inside the hot cavern of the man that he love, until they both could feel the familiar feeling that they know would blow their minds afterward.

 

And as predicted, it really did. They orgasm within just seconds from each other that had left them both sated and jelly-like.

 

Justin just had enough energy to bring his lower limbs down from being folded into half, then joined his partner to visit dreamland.

 

The peaceful afternoon was being interrupted by the incessant ringing of Brian's phone. He was too comfortable lying on top of his sleeping partner to even want to move to answer the call.

 

The phone didn't stop ringing though and Justin pushed Brian to the side and tried to shake him awake.

 

Brian sleepily took the phone and contemplated throwing it to the wall for a second. In the end he just answered it in his heavy sleep voice.

 

“Brian! Brian!”

 

Debbie's grieving voice had sliced through Brian’s foggy brain.

 

“Debbie? What-- why are you crying?” Brian sat up and suddenly wide awake.

 

Justin sat up, too, and leaned his back on the headboard. He was looking anxious but remained silent.

 

“Brian, it's Vic! Vic is gone, Brian!” Debbie sobbed to the phone and Brian gasped in his breath. Oh, Lord.

 

“Debbie, I'm coming. Where are you?”

 

Debbie told him that they were at Allegheny and ended the call.

 

Brian threw the phone to the bed and hugged his worried partner.

 

“Vic is gone.” He whispered to Justin's ear who shuddered in his breath.

 

“I need to go to the hospital. I don't know what happened, and Debbie is falling apart.”

 

Justin nodded, trying hard to hold the tears together.

 

Brian released his hold on Justin and got dressed in a matter of seconds, pocketing his phone, keys and wallet. He kissed Justin one more time and walked away to the door.

 

As soon as Brian turned his back on Justin, Justin let the tears fall down on his face. This was too much. Everything was happening so fast and Justin hadn't still caught up with his own ghost. He couldn't even do a damn thing because he had chosen the wrong decision from the beginning, and everything had changed after that. A damn stupid mistake that he would be paying for the rest of his mortal life.

 

He stayed in bed all evening curling on himself. His past memories had been bugging him and coming out to haunt him and Justin knew he had nowhere to escape. He couldn't escape even he tried to.

 

Brian had called checking up on him at half past eight, informing him that they were at Rodney’s house sorting the funeral service and burial. He said both Debbie and Rodney were devastated.

 

Justin tried to clean the bathroom and their bed after that. He also fixed himself a tuna sandwich that he didn't even finish half of it. He was feeling so hollow and guilty, his guilt had been eating at him since that fateful day almost two and a half years ago.

 

Brian called again at ten o'clock saying he was on his way home. He could hear from Brian's voice that he was exhausted and sad and grieving for the loss of one of the members of his family. But he could also hear how listening to Justin's voice had somehow calmed his partner a little, that he had somehow given him hope that everything would be fine as long as they were together and that he had been the reason that Brian's heart was even beating.

 

He remembered Brian telling him that they were fated together and that he believed they were destined to be together, Justin could only hope that fate would twist in his favor when everything would be laid out open for Brian to see who Justin Taylor really was.

 

 

They had a restless night and they were both tired the next day. But Justin had to go to work and Brian had a meeting to attend and a late Christmas ad to fix, on that snowy Monday morning. He visited Rodney's house at lunch and found both Debbie and Michael there.

 

He noticed how Debbie was ignoring Michael and it was as if she was furious at his own son. He didn't mind it too much and put it down as a coping mechanism for Debbie.

 

He cornered Rodney before leaving and handed him an envelope with check inside. Rodney didn't want to take it, but Brian insisted and told him that he could use it for funeral or for the catering on Wednesday. As he had learned, Vic would have a service on Wednesday at ten in the morning, followed by the burial. It was a day before Christmas Eve.

 

“Thank you, Brian. It's so kind of you to help, but know that even just your presence would be enough for us.”

 

“I know, Rod. It's from me and my partner, actually.”

 

Rodney sadly smiled. “I heard Vic talking to you about seeing someone. I'm happy for you, Brian. Just fight for what you think is right and hold on to him if he makes you happy and don't let anyone makes you think otherwise.”

 

Brian nodded, understanding what was being said. Rodney was speaking from experience.

 

“I know you understand that he can't come with me on Wednesday, right? I don't want to make any unnecessary scenes on Vic’s funeral. But he sends his condolences and I promised to bring him and meet all of you when everything would quiet down a bit.”

 

“I perfectly understand, Brian. Thank you again for this.” Rodney hugged him and went to keep the envelope to his room.

 

Debbie walked up to him at that time with a nervous looking Michael hovering on her back.

 

“Brian, before you go--” She started but Michael cut her off.

 

“Ma!” Michael was wringing his fingers together.

 

“Hush, Michael!” She turned to Brian again after giving her son a deathly glare, “The Christmas Eve dinner is still on, Vic wouldn't want us not to celebrate and so we decided--Rodney and I, that we'll have it just like we planned.”

 

Brian nodded thoughtfully, he knew Debbie was in a lot of pain. She was still giving Vic the cold shoulders before he died and Brian knew she was dying inside thinking Vic passed away knowing she was still mad at him.

 

“Okay.”

 

She looked up at him then to Michael who was still fidgeting and said, “And, we need to talk after.”

 

Brian furrowed his brows. Debbie must be talking about what she heard the other day at Michael's apartment. Well, of course he should've expected this, Debbie was going to chastise him for breaking up with her son.

 

“Okay. I need to go back to work now, though. Talk to you, later.” Brian kissed her cheek then turned to leave.

 

The last thing he heard was Debbie's voice saying, “Don't think you are getting away with this, Michael, so shut your fucking mouth!”-- as he walked away from the house.

 

The day had dragged on but Brian did his best to finish whatever on his desk in preparation for the long holiday weekend. He left the office in time of Justin's out from school, too.

 

Their evening was a little subdued and Justin was still acting a little quieter than usual. Brian was also not in a mood to have a deep conversations after what had happened the other day with Justin at the diner, then learning about Vic’s death in just a matter of hours.

 

He guessed, he was just too drained and wanted to just hold his heart in his arms and just kiss him lazily until they were tired enough and gone to sleep.

 

***

 

The next day had come and gone too fast, and that Wednesday morning, Brian found himself talking with Emmett and Ted on Rodney and Vic’s living room

 

They just came from the Memorial Park after Vic was laid down to rest.

 

Emmett, being the gossip queen that he was, had been filling them in about what was happening. Vic, apparently, had another bad reaction with his cocktail and this time it made his cholesterol skyrocketed. He passed away in his sleep while taking that afternoon nap on Sunday.

 

He had also learned from Emmett that Michael and Debbie had a big blow out that same Sunday afternoon after he left their apartment. Emmett just wasn't really sure what's the deal about their fight, but he said Debbie was so furious with Michael.

 

Emmett had shared, too, that Debbie was overdoing the Christmas Eve dinner preparation. Emmett visited her the day before and saw her decorating the whole house and front yard with every Christmas decorations she could find.

 

Debbie was in mission of doing this Christmas Eve dinner special in honor of Vic.

 

Brian's eyes flickered to Debbie who for once was sitting on the couch beside the pregnant Melanie. Michael was sitting on the table munching on some crab cakes or something and Debbie was looking at his son more often than not.

 

He could see how Debbie was so preoccupied but she wasn't giving in to any pressure. Brian had always loved that side of Debbie, she was ready to take on anything for the people she loved.

 

***

 

Brian had Gus for the Christmas Eve morning and the kid was so happy ripping his gifts given by his daddy and daddy's heart. Justin looked as happy as Gus did, especially when the little guy had kissed Justin's cheek after opening his presents from him, which was a small music box with a little boy dancing in the middle of it.

 

Brian's gift was a little elaborate and flashy, and Gus was wide eyed ripping the wrapper and bouncing on his feet in excitement.

 

Justin had to help Gus in opening the box while Brian was jovially clicking his camera on every chances he got.

 

Unfortunately, Justin had to be at work from ten to one. The shop was opening from ten to six in the evening and Justin had the opening shift.

 

Brian and Gus had driven him to Starbucks and was out front when he finished at one. Justin had insisted that he took a cab to avoid carting Gus outside the snowy weather but Brian wouldn't hear any of it.

 

By three o'clock, they got Gus to change into the clothes that Lindsay had provided for the dinner, and both father and son had soundly kissed Justin on each cheek, then drove the icy road to Debbie's house.

 

They arrived at the house that seemingly been transported to winter wonderland. Emmett wasn't kidding when he said Debbie had gone all out for the celebration.

 

When dinner time came, Brian tried to eat with his so called family, but his heart was longing for the one who wasn't there. The one who was waiting for him at home and the one he would be going home to.

 

The people on the table was missing someone, too. They were all thinking about how it was only a year ago when Vic was still eating with them on the very same table. And just like that, he was gone. He guessed, everyone had just been hit by the realization of losing someone so suddenly. Vic was already sick for the longest time, but it didn't prepare them from actually losing him completely.

 

After exchanging presents, Brian was already squirming and was itching to go home. The gangs were all sitting in living room with coffee and pies for dessert. Gus was literally in toy heaven with all the presents he had received that day. He was sitting on the floor, eyes so wide with all the toys around him. Brian could feel his son’s predicament on choosing what toy would he play first.

 

It was honestly the only thing that made Brian last that long and hadn't had yet running home to Justin.

 

When the girls had started to collect their things, followed by Rodney, Emmett and Ted, Brian had also eased himself from the safety of the armchair and picked his boxes from the floor.

 

But before he could even take one step to the door, Debbie asked him to stay and told him that they needed to talk.

 

Brian protested and tried to postpone the inevitable lecture but Debbie was adamant in doing that tonight.

 

Brian frustratingly sighed but dropped the boxes down to the table and helped the girls with bringing Gus to the car and strapping him in.

 

Not long after, everyone was driving away except for Brian who walked back again to Debbie's house.

 

He found Debbie and Michael sitting on the couch silently, waiting for him to take his seat. He took the armchair again and looked at Debbie expectantly.

 

“So…” He began to say.

 

Debbie turned her head to Michael who was uncharacteristically quiet all evening, then she looked at Brian again.

 

“Brian, you know what this talk would be about. Please know that I'm shocked and so angry when I heard from Michael's own mouth that he intentionally did attempt offing his life and contemplating another one if-- if you won't take him back. I had to make him swear that he would never, ever do that again and would never even entertain that kind of stupidity.” Debbie took a deep breath and gave her son a heated glare who was squirming on his seat.

 

“The thing is, Brian-- Michael has always been in love with you and he loves you for so long and… he sometimes doesn't use his brain before doing something that could damage one's life.”

 

Michael's face had suddenly become ghostly white and he was bouncing his leg anxiously. Brian was so puzzled with his reaction, Michael seemed terrified and Brian had no idea what he was so afraid of.

 

“He did what he did because he loves you and wants you back. It's wrong in all angle, the blackmailing and him taking pills with booze-- but Brian, I'm asking you, as someone who took care of you since you were fourteen and opened my house to you-- please, take my son back.”

 

Michael had frozen and stopped bouncing his leg. He turned his head to his mother and gaped at her with his mouth hanging open.

 

Brian wasn't really surprised with this demand from Debbie, what surprised him more was the time it took her to actually do this for Michael. He honestly expected it two years ago. And sadly, he even expected the guilt trip and the reminders of her graciousness and kindness towards him.

 

“You loved each other, Brian. You were together for nine years and we all witnessed how happy the two of you were. You were building life together. You cannot remember anything, Brian but we are witnessed to everything you had done with Michael, it was something special. Please, don't throw it away. You need each other.”

 

Michael was clutching on his mother’s arm, he started to cry like five year old boy.

 

“Debbie, I have already talked to Michael about it and I have made my decision long ago. I don't feel anything for him anymore. Whatever I felt before the accident, it was all gone. And I don't think it's fair to either of us to continue our relationship when I don't love him more than just a friend. I'm not changing my mind, my decision is final. Michael and I are over.” Brian said in conviction, he looked at her straight in the eyes.

 

Debbie was quiet for a while, but then she hit him with her last bullet. “I want you to listen to me, Brian Kinney. My son is hurting because of you, you dumped him like some fucking shit when he stood by you for nine years. Is this how you going to repay us from all that we did for you? I took care of you, Brian. My family took care of you and this is how you going to show your gratitude? We are in too much pain right now and Michael is in destructive mode because of you! This is all too much for him. So, I'm telling you, Brian-- get back together with my son.”

 

Brian calmly looked at the people in front of him. The people who he thought was his family and treated him like one when his own family couldn't even make him feel like he was belonged with them.

 

He knew, for almost two and a half years that he had lost his memory, he was seeing them both with new eyes. There were reasons why he couldn't find that connection with both Debbie and Michael-- the same reasons that made him drift away from them.

 

It hurts to think that in just a matter of four days, he had lost the three people that he thought would be the only family that he knew of. With Vic’s parting, Brian had no power over that. It was Vic’s time to leave this world.

 

But with Debbie and Michael, he would walk away from them knowing that everything they did for him had come with price tag. They gave him something that he desperately needed but banking it all until such time to collect. And that time had finally arrived.

 

Brian might be expecting this kind of treatment from Debbie and Michael, but hearing it from her mouth was something he wasn't prepared for. It really hurt, it really did hurt so badly.

 

Brian stood up and tried to stay calm. Then he said, “I still want to thank you for all the things that you've done to me, Debbie. Both you and Michael had shown me how family should be like. I just thought that you did it because you wanted me to be part of your family, but I guess I'm wrong. You don't coerce or blackmail your family into doing something just because you welcome them into your home. Real family doesn't expect payments for whatever they had given to their members. It's all came from here.” Brian pointed to his heart, then he looked at the mother and son one last time and walked out the house where he once thought was a safe haven for him.

 

***

 

What had just happened?

 

Debbie was stunned by what had just transcribed with her suppose talk with Brian. She couldn't believe that he just walked away from her and Michael without giving a second thought.

 

The Brian that she had known for almost twenty years wouldn't say no to her. The Brian that she thought she knew would have been ready to move mountains for her and Michael if they wanted him to.

 

She didn't count on this Brian to turn his back on them.

 

Debbie was honestly furious with Michael when she heard him and Brian fighting four days ago. She couldn't believe that his son had been leading Brian with lies for over two years.  And what she couldn't even fathom was Michael had intentionally took the pills and booze in an attempt to ‘get Brian back again’.

 

Debbie was horrified. She didn't know how Michael had successfully kept his lies for years and years without anyone exposing it to Brian. One way was that, Brian had been a little reclusive since his accident. No one got through the new erected armor, not Michael and not even Lindsay.

 

They all, of course, had seen the changes but they were all not used to this new upgraded version of Brian Kinney. They were kind of waiting for him to revert back to his old, narcissistic and heartless self, but it didn't happen. Until the gap between them all versus Brian had somehow become bigger and farther. 

 

After almost two and a half years, Brian wasn't the same man that he used to be. He had seemed to get farther and farther away from them.

 

Now, she miscalculated him. What she did just now had given Brian the one final blow to totally cut himself from them. Well, maybe with only her and Michael. Brian would never give up going to see his son.

 

Debbie had initially thought Michael should take responsibility for his deceitful doings, she was ready to tell Brian about Michael's lies and would let Brian decide what he'd do after with the information. Michael was seriously needed help.

 

She had a big blowout with her son after Brian left that Sunday noon. She was this close on slapping him hard that would make him wake up from this insanity that he created.

 

Michael was stupid enough to defend himself to her and justify what he was doing. But Debbie was so set on not letting this one just brushed off under the rag. Michael should face the consequences that she knew he hadn't really thought about.

 

She left the apartment when Emmett arrived from going to the gym with Ted. She surmised that no one had known about Michael's evil plot and she didn't want Brian knowing from other people, it should come from Michael himself.

 

“You better prepare yourself to what Brian will do to you after he learns the truth. I cannot believe I raised a liar and conniving asshole like you! We are going to sit and you will tell Brian everything tonight. I will call him and you better come to my house at seven!” She shouted at her son before leaving his apartment.

 

But she hadn't counted on Vic dying on her. Rodney called her just after one hour from her visit to Michael’s apartment saying that Vic was dead. That had changed everything. Her brother’s death had hit her to the core, guilt and fear engulfed her whole being.

 

When Brian showed up at Rodney's that Monday at lunchtime, Debbie felt so angry at her son. Brian didn't deserve to be treated like Michael had been treating him, he had amnesia for god sake and her son used that as a tool to deceive his best friend of two decades. It was unacceptable, unforgivable and cruel. 

 

Yet, she was still hoping that Brian would forgive her son, and maybe he would, but she was so sure this thing would forever put a distance between the two friends. The distance that would lead to the inevitable falling out, and their friendship would be irrevocably damage.

 

But maybe, there were still hope if she could make the deceiving stop, maybe it wasn't too late if Michael would be remorseful with what he did.

 

But on the evening of Vic’s burial, she was sitting on her dining table with Michael, who was already resigned to his fate of telling Brian about what he did. On the other hand, Michael was truly sad and devastated about the death of his uncle, the only uncle that he had known in his life. And he was also about to lose the only love that he had known ever since he was fourteen.

 

And as a mother, she could feel every pain and heartache that her only flesh and blood had been suffering regardless of how vicious he had been. He was still her son and she would always be his mother and every mother would want what's best for their children.

 

As she looked at his desolate face, Debbie's heart had been gripped with terror. Her brother had been infected with the disease that had cost him his life. He had been infected for almost eight years and the virus had full blown over four years ago. Her sweet brother had died at a young age of forty six. She didn't want Michael to have that same fate.

 

Her whole body involuntarily shivered when she remembered how Michael used to date an HIV positive, Ben Bruckner. They had met three years ago and Michael agreed to give the relationship a go. That had made her go ballistic.

 

Ben left the United States to go to Tibet after Michael admitted that he was in love and would always be in love with Brian. They were together for only five months and Michael's fixation with Brian had made Ben’s decision to end the relationship and left.

 

In all honesty, that break up had made Debbie breathe a lot easier. She wanted her son to be happy, she really did and Ben seemed to be a nice guy, but he was putting Michael at risk and Debbie was so wrecked with that realization. 

 

That fear had ebbed away when Ben was gone and Michael was so focused with Brian especially after his accident. Ben was out of the picture for almost a month when Brian had his amnesia. 

 

But then, just six months or so ago, he heard from Emmett that Ben and Michael were still exchanging emails. Ben was now in Thailand and doing some research and had been contemplating on going back home after the year ended.

 

She was consumed with raging fears again, but decided to keep that information to herself. Emmett said, Michael didn't want the communication with Ben to be a common knowledge among his friends and Debbie had kept her mouth shut on the topic.  But she was already resigned to the idea that his son might want to get back together with his ex-boyfriend when he came back home.

 

And on that evening, while staring at her devastated and grieving son, who was obsessively in love with his best friend to the point he made up a story and unkindly played with his amnesic brain, she had felt that same fear for his son’s life. She didn't want him to end up like his brother and Debbie would do everything to prevent him from going back to Ben.

 

One might not call Brian the ideal partner in the past, and they all know that, but she had to admit that he was beginning to be one of the best men one could have as a life partner. He was changing since the accident, maybe even before that.

 

She wasn't so enthusiastic when Michael brought Brian to her house for the first time. He was sporting a cut on his eyebrow and the boy was aloof. He wasn't too communicative but she could already see that he was trouble from five miles away. But Michael seemed to like him so much, and not long after he was chasing after Brian who had a weird obsession with camera.

 

More often than not, Brian had bruises or black eye when she saw him in her house. When she asked, Brian never tell, but Michael would say that a kid in school had punched Brian. That excuses had been used too many times than she wanted to hear, but Brian just kept his silence and let Michael do the talking.

 

Then in one occasion, she remembered it was Brian's fifteenth birthday, he came to her house crying about his wreck camera. She hadn't seen him cry before, but the way he was acting that time, you would think that he had lost a sibling and not an inanimate object.

 

But then, there was also a time when he came with a bloody nose and a cut lip. Michael whispered to her that Brian was being beaten by his father.

 

From that day, Debbie had seen him in a different way. When Brian came to her house with bruises, she would clean it up and fixed it. But she was still bothered by his non-stop fist fighting at school, it sometimes made her think that his father was right to discipline him with his fist and she never had qualms in letting Brian know.

 

At fifteen, Michael was so obvious with his infatuation with Brian, but she was so sure Brian didn't reciprocate his son’s feelings. That had her relax for a bit, but then she caught them in Michael's room one afternoon with Brian's hand inside his son's pants.

 

She found a way to talk to Brian about it and wanted to know if Brian wanted a relationship with Michael. He answered her with a stern, no. He mentioned that he didn't want Michael like that and he was actually busy studying.

 

Well, that made Debbie felt good. She honestly didn't see Michael being happy with Brian, not for too long, at least. 

 

When the boy was seventeen, she found out that Brian was already sexually active. Though, in all fairness, he was a straight A student who didn't even seem to try so hard in achieving it. Unlike his Michael, who was a little slow academically.

 

Then Michael told her some of Brian's sexual encounters and the parties that they were attending. Debbie got a little hysterical and confronted Brian, she didn't want him dragging Michael to his excursions and exposing his son to things that he was still too young to do and learned. Brian just promised her that he'd never put Michael in danger.

 

On their graduation, she felt so proud when Brian got the highest honor and received a scholarship to the University of Pittsburgh where he majored in marketing. She felt a little twinge in her heart for Brian's achievement that she had always hoped for Michael to have, too. But her son had rather want to work in Big Q than trying to have an education.

 

Then Brian wasn't around much like he used to when he started college. She heard that he was so focused in his studies and his part time job. She could tell how Brian wanted to succeed, he was rarely seen out anymore and Michael was even complaining about it.

 

His absence from her house was more pronounced when the summer had begun. He got an internship at a top advertising agency and Brian was really into it.

 

When he started his sophomore years though, Brian had started to hang out with Lindsay, a rich, young lady that he met in one of his classes. Lindsay latched on him like Michael had when they were fourteen, but the difference was, Lindsay had been dragging Brian to her parents’ social events and gatherings.

 

Brian was still focused on his studies but Debbie could clearly see the want and hunger for power that was slowly building in Brian's eyes. If he was working hard for his success before, that had intensified in a magnitude where even Debbie had never thought possible.

 

Brian and Lindsay had seemed to click and for years that they had been friends, Debbie could see the transformation of Brian Kinney right in front of her eyes to Brian ‘fucking’ Kinney. 

 

He became the epitome of beauty with brain, who could have anyone he wanted, anywhere and at anytime. Michael was just happy to follow him everywhere he went, happy that his friend had been back hanging out the clubs again.

 

Brian had continued to attend the high society get together with Lindsay and her family. And by the time he graduated, Brian had already made some contacts around prominent people that he had been drinking elbow to elbow at these kind of events. 

 

Few years more, Brian had been known as the brilliant, young advertiser, who would do anything to get what he wanted. As he grew older, he became hungrier for more power in both his professional and personal life. He used everything he got to get to people, he used his brain, his experiences and even his body without any care in the world.

 

Debbie had witnessed how Brian became the heartless, narcissistic, asshole that he came out to be. She was there when he had risen to the top, in more ways than one, and she was there to see the young Brian that he knew before had slowly disappeared right in front of her eyes.

 

But despite all that, Brian still find a way to help his friends without drawing any attention to him and never taking credits for what he did. He would snark and hurt you with his boldness and honesty, but when he turned his back, he'd do everything in his power to help.

 

That was the reason she knew deep down inside, Brian really cared for them. He cared not just for her and Michael, but also for the growing members of her family.

 

With this in mind, Debbie always knew Brian would take good care of Michael. They had been friends and loved each other for so long that could possibly become even more, who knows, right?

 

Brian was also financially stable. It wouldn't hurt for Michael to live in a comfortable life and Debbie would honestly be less worried for her son's future.

 

Brian was growing up now, too. He seemed to be taking the opposite direction from what he did in college. It never escaped her attention when she had learned from the grapevine that Brian hadn't seen out clubbing for quite some time now. She thought it might have started after his accident, though the gang still couldn't give up the idea of him being the big bad Brian, Debbie knew it would become the thing of the past.

 

And that's what he wanted for Michael. A mature and responsible partner that wouldn't put his son at risk of ending like the fate of his brother.

 

That's what prompted her to do what she did with Brian. She guessed, she now knew where Michael had gotten his dark side and Debbie was well aware that she had just irreversibly screwed the twenty years they had shared with Brian as family.

 

That realization made her eyes tear up. Michael was saying something on her side but she ignored it, how did she tried solving one problem with much bigger one, was a big mystery. And now, she could freely say that everything would never be the same.

 

Debbie continued to sob her sorrow and despair. She couldn't hold anyone accountable for her woes but herself. Instead of acting like the mother that she should have been, ironing the mess his son had created in the right way, she let her fears get to her head and acted like the selfish mother that she was and put the final nail on the coffin. She had no one to blame, she did it to them, to her, to his son and Brian.

 

***

 

Brian honestly didn't know how he drove himself home when his mind wasn't even focused on driving. It was dangerous and irresponsible, but he knew he wanted to go home to Justin. What had been happening to him was too much to endure for a single lifetime. The rows and rows of bad news had been piling up faster than he could blink his eyes. Why is it so hard to have a peaceful life?

 

Those people were his friends, the only family that he knew, and yet they shattered him like the old Jack and Joan had done.

 

What was more painful, was Brian somehow had felt like he really belonged with Debbie and Michael as family, when he couldn't even feel that in his own home.

 

He found Justin sitting at the bar nursing a glassful of milk. He had left his partner on Christmas Eve alone to celebrate with people who he thought had been his family. The family who had just threw everything they did for him right on his face, guilt trip him and blatantly blackmailing him.

 

He didn't know how to cope up with this new difficulty in his life. For what it's worth, he was so proud on how he handled Debbie. He still hoped that they had a great life ahead of them.

 

He walked and looped his arms around his partner's chest from behind. Justin had jumped a little, he didn't notice him coming home.

 

Justin had suddenly felt Brian's tensed body. He knew something had gone wrong at the dinner, and his assumption was proven right as he felt Brian shaking. He was crying silently on Justin's neck, letting the tears flow and hoping that it would wash away his anguish, too.

 

Justin reached up and held his face blindly, then slowly rotated the bar stool to face him and hugged Brian tightly. Justin couldn't help but feel the desolation that had taken residents in Brian's life. He wished he could help alleviate some pain that his partner was in right now.

 

After a while, they ended up cuddling in front of the fireplace and Brian proceeded to tell Justin what had happened after the dinner. Brian hadn't even attempted to stop his tears as he was regaling Debbie's words. It hurts too much that Brian had to stop frequently just to take a deep breath.

 

Justin couldn't believe what was happening. He didn't see this one coming and he knew it would hurt even more when Brian would know the real story. He surely thought Debbie was going to do the right thing, but he guessed, she didn't.

 

He wanted to tell Brian everything at that moment, but looking at his face-- full of agony and pain-- Justin didn't have the heart to put him in even more suffering.

 

It was late at night when they decided to go to bed. There weren't any words spoken after Brian's outburst, but the soft touches and gentle kisses they had shared was enough to pacify the throbbing aches in their chests.

 

The next day, Christmas Day, they woke up after seven in the morning and lazily cuddled for few minutes before Brian pulled Justin out of bed and trudged them off to their living room to open their presents, but Justin insisted on making breakfast first.

 

Brian grimaced but followed his partner to the kitchen and they fell on to the task of whisking and squeezing so easily. Brian was trying to forget what had happened these past few days and concentrated on being with his heart for their first Christmas together.

 

They shared the pancakes and bacons with fresh squeezed orange juice at the dining table.

 

When it was time to open their presents, Brian went to his hiding place and took the three gifts he had for his partner.

 

Justin said that Brian was going overboard again, but his partner had only shrugged and said, “It's Christmas.”

 

Justin opened the biggest parcel first, which was the leather sketchbook case, and his face broke out into huge grin. Then he opened the expensive brushes that made his eyes almost popped out. Lastly, the wrist watch that Brian knew he would queen out.

 

Well, his partner was pretty unpredictable. When he was so sure he'd get a reaction from Justin, he was only hoping it would be a positive one or at least he'd get his queening to lesser degree. But Justin surprised him by launching himself to Brian.

 

“Thank you. I love all of it, Brian.” He whispered after kissing his partner. Brian was so glad that he had gone and followed his instinct, he wouldn't trade moments like these for anything in the world.

 

“My turn to open my pwesents.” Brian comically said. Justin reached for the parcels that he had hidden at the back of an armchair that made Brian laughed out loud. “You're so original, mo chroí.”

 

“Hey, that's a good place to hide presents.” He smiled and handed two gifts to Brian. The big parcel was too obvious by its shape and Brian decided to start with the less obvious one.

 

He opened the smaller box and looked at Justin as he stared down at a beautiful and expensive cerulean Armani long sleeve shirt and an equally exquisite cobalt blue tie. 

 

“Justin…” He tentatively said. This was an expensive present and Brian didn't want Justin spending his hard earned money buying him some lavish gifts.

 

“Hey, it's Christmas, remember?” Justin cleverly thrown his own words at him. “That's okay, Brian. Don't worry about my finances, okay?” When Brian hesitated to agree, Justin shove the larger gift to his hand.

 

“If it makes you feel better, this one was cheaper-- I only spent my precious time and skills. So… open it!” He excitedly said.

 

Brian was tearing the wrapper carefully, and when he saw the painting, it rendered Brian speechless.

 

It was an abstract one, but if you really stared at it, you could see that it was the northern lights. The selection of colors were stunning and soothing to the point it was almost hypnotizing. Brian couldn't get over how his partner was so talented. Creations like this should be showing at galleries and not giving away presents.

 

“Brian, say something…” Justin nervously said.

 

He looked up at his anxious partner and smiled so wide that he knew his face was splitting in half.

 

“I love it, Justin. God, this is so beautiful… so stunning, hypnotizing.” Justin let out a shaky, relieved breath.

 

“You really like it?” He asked biting his thumbnail, but a small smile was starting to creep on his lips.

 

Brian nodded and went back to staring at the painting. “I was just thinking that this should be shown at a gallery somewhere. But, my office is where this masterpiece will be residing from now on.”

 

Justin smiled happily. “Let me just send it for framing. It will only take three days.”

 

“We'll do it together.” Brian suggested, and Justin nodded. “Now, we need to get dressed if you don't want to be late for work.”

 

“It sucks to work at Christmas. I don't want to leave you alone, especially not today.” Justin said before he could stop himself.

 

The air shifted slightly. Brian nodded but Justin saw the sadness in his eyes, he must have been reminded by what happened the other night and Justin was mentally kicking himself for even mentioning.

 

Brian set the painting safely aside and took Justin's face on his hands and smacked their lips together. “I won't be alone, you are in my heart, remember?”

 

“And you are in mine, too.” They walked hand in hand to their room and got dressed.

 

They arrived just minutes before ten in the morning and Beatrice, Justin's co-worker that day, was already there. Brian walked him inside, and when Justin thought that he'd be walking back out, Brian went to sit on one of the plushy chairs instead.

 

He quirked an eyebrow at his partner who just shrugged his shoulders at him.

 

“I'll bring you coffee.” Justin offered and went to prepare one.

 

Brian didn't have anywhere to go honestly, and so he decided to stay and wait for Justin to finish his three hours shift. He called Gus at around eleven, greeted him a very, merry Christmas. The kid sounded happy, Brian was imagining the boxes and wrappers around his son and it made his chest warm inside.

 

Justin received a call from Daphne and Seth, wishing him a great holiday and he wished them the same, too. Daphne was still a bit angry with Justin, and she never shied away of telling him that since their blow out in Justin's apartment. She always said that Justin was digging himself deeper the longer he waited to tell Brian the truth. Justin agreed with everything she said, he just needed the right time.

 

The shop was almost empty the entire time, and Justin was keeping Brian company from time to time, while Bea was playing with her phone. They both turned it on, knowing the day wouldn't be that busy.

 

Before Justin's shift was over, though, Brian's phone went off and by the expression of his face, it was someone he didn't want to talk to.

 

He didn't answer the phone the first time it rang, and when it didn't stop until they were hopping on the truck, Brian answered it by yelling, “Get a fucking life instead of hounding me. I don't want to talk to you! Lose my number or I'm getting a new one!”

 

Justin was kind of taken aback by the tone of Brian's voice. He guessed, he just got used to the soft spoken Brian and he had forgotten the one who could cut deep through you with just words.

 

He felt shivers running down his spine. What would Brian do when Justin would finally tell him about them? The fear that engulfing his chest was enough to leave Justin heaving with pain. Good thing, Brian was too angry himself to notice his suffering partner beside him.

 

They spent the afternoon eating lunch at mount Washington, then walked around the restaurant with the most perfect view they had ever seen.

 

When they went home, Brian surprised Justin by tackling him to the soft, snowy lawn in front of their house. Justin yelped unmanly but got his bearing back when he rolled them together ending up with Brian underneath him.

 

He leaned down to catch the lips of his partner and deepening it in just few moments. But in a split second, Brian was squeaking gracelessly when Justin had successfully inserted a snowball inside Brian's jacket.

 

“You are going to fucking pay for this.” Brian said sitting on his butt, trying to take out the snow that was starting to melt in his shirt.

 

“I was hoping you'd say that. I want to pay by fucking you.” Justin said lustfully, looking at Brian while biting his lower lip.

 

Brian looked at him and he could literally feel the heat radiating from his partner even in the middle of the snow. His dick had twitched seeing the desire in Justin's eyes.

 

“What are you waiting for, then?” Brian challenged, smirking smugly at Justin.

 

Justin roughly took his nape forward and brought their lips together in a deep searing kiss, he straddled Brian's lap and rutted their crotches together. The hot frictions of their jeans on their dicks were driving them insane.

 

“Take me to bed, mo chroí.”

 

And that was the last words that was being said for the next hour.

 

***

 

Brian had received a call from Lindsay on Saturday morning at eight asking if Brian would want to have Gus that day instead of Sunday. She said that they were going to her parents’ house to have a Sunday dinner. He agreed and promised to be at their house in an hour.

 

The Saturday after Christmas day, had been spent, watching TV, eating, napping and playing with snow. Gus was particularly excited to use his new thick jacket and gloves with beanie and earmuffs that Gus’ daddy and daddy's heart bought for him.

 

Brian brought his son back to his mommies’ house at seven, all clean and sleepy.

 

When he went back down from putting his son to his bed, he found Lindsay sitting in her living room with a cup of tea in hand. She invited him to have a cup with her, but as always, Brian had declined politely saying that he wanted to go home.

 

Lindsay stared at him with an unreadable eyes and said, “When are you going to introduce your new boyfriend to us?”

 

“Soon.” Brian simply said.

 

“Why don't you bring him and have dinner with Mel and I this Monday evening?” She tried again.

 

Brian looked at her thoughtfully and replied, “I guess, we could. Let me talk to him.”

 

Lindsay's face had this triumphant look that she tried to close off, but she nodded in a way to agree with him.

 

Brian thought it would be time to properly introduce Justin to the ladies. He'd prefer if the family was complete, but now that he had this thing going on with Michael and Debbie, he didn't think he'd like Justin to get near them.

 

He left after that and found his partner waiting for him at the tub, soaking his porcelain, flawless body. The next thing that they had done inside the tub was steamy enough to put them both in sexual coma. It was safe to say that Brian had forgotten about Lindsay's invitation.

 

The next day, Justin had gone back to work at seven and they had arrived earlier to have breakfast just like before. When Justin started working, Brian kissed him once more saying that he'd go to the gym and shed the weight that he must've gained from the holiday season. Justin just shook his head, Brian didn't have an ounce of fat in his body to get rid off.

 

In all honesty, Justin was struggling with his emotions since Vic’s death. He was too messed up inside and so volatile to the point he was jumpy the past few days. He knew it was just a matter of time to finally crumble down and he knew he was already hanging on the edge. 

 

He was way too preoccupied as soon as he took over the counter. Seth had noticed that he already had his second wrong order, and it was only nine in the morning.

 

That had sent an alarming bell on Seth’s head. Justin was too efficient in all the time that he worked with him and he knew there was something troubling his young friend’s mind. 

 

He took him aside and asked if he was alright, Justin nodded his head but his eyes were telling Seth that nothing was alright. He sent Justin to take an early break that he wished could help him clear his mind even for a while. 

 

Justin had always been quirky, but he was the type of person who didn't share so much of his life to others. They had been working together for two years and became friends almost from the beginning. 

 

The guy was seriously beautiful and even a straight man like him could appreciate a face like that. But it wasn't Justin's look that made Seth befriended him, it was his personality and his unmatched kindness towards others. He could see it from the way he talked, the way he smiles and even his moves, he was full of compassion and dedication.

 

But he also noticed that Justin's eyes were full of pain and anguish. Seth even remembered thinking that he was way too young to have experienced this much desolation but the evidence was there, if you just know how to look at it.

 

Then his friend's life had begun to get a bit vibrant when he met the equally beautiful--in a Greek god kind of way-- Brian Kinney. The guy was shy at first but you could see how he was smitten with Justin the first time he came and bought his coffee. He came back regularly after that until Justin admitted that they were dating. The guy was so sweet and a keeper, though a bit older than Justin, but who really cares?

 

Seth was happy to see the sadness and pain lifted up from his friend's eyes almost instantly after dating Brian. He could testify how the two were so in love in just short amount of time and there weren't any pretensions he could sense. It was all real, though how one could fell so deeply in love so fast was still a mystery to him. It was as if they were already in a relationship for so long and not just in few weeks.

 

But he guessed, if you would find the one for you, everything would come so easy. He liked Brian, too. He loved how Brian had no qualms in showing his feelings to Justin, and they were even legally partner's just after two freaking month.

 

He kept badgering Justin after he noticed the band on his left ring finger. Justin admitted that Brian had brought them a house and they were now officially domestic partners. That had his mind blown away for few seconds, but he could see how his friend was really happy with what was happening to his life. And so, Seth was cheering on them from the front row seats.

 

He hadn't seen Justin since before the Christmas Eve, it was his turn to have the long break, but it was the first thing that he noticed that morning when he saw Justin and Brian came in, something just wasn't right with his friend.

 

Justin came back after ten minutes break, but he was still working in automatic. Seth could see the tension along his back and the resignation in his once twinkling eyes.

 

Seth decided to stay behind and overlooked the shop, and it kind of scary that Justin didn't even notice that Seth hadn't taken off after his shift was done at eleven. Seth just went on without mentioning it.

 

When it was time for Justin to go, Seth had prepared to leave, too. Justin nodded at him before he collected his things and left through the back door. Seth used the bathroom though before he left by the same way Justin did.

 

But he didn't expect seeing his friend still standing on the curb, staring blankly at the phone in his hand. He was looking at it as if the phone was going to eat him alive.

 

“Justin, what are you still doing here? Where's Brian?” He asked worriedly as he approached his bewildered friend.

 

Justin glanced up at him but he seemingly didn't register what Seth was asking or that he was even there in front of him.

 

“Seriously, Jus, what's wrong? You are kind of freaking me out today, buddy.” That had gotten his friend's attention and when he looked at Seth, Justin couldn't hold his tears and broke down on his friend's shoulder.

 

Seth tentatively put his arms around Justin and patted his back. Justin cried on his shoulder for few minutes until he collected himself a little and whispered, “He's not coming.”

 

“Hey, maybe Brian got tangled up with something that he couldn't get out of. You know he will cross the earth for you, even I know that. No need to cry over it, Justin.”

 

“I'm scared… I'm scared, Seth. I'm scared of losing, Brian.”

 

“What are you talking about? If you two have a problem, I'm sure you will patch it up in no time. You two are married for god sake-- well, sort of.”

 

Justin stood up straight but looked down on his shoes like it was the most interesting thing that he had seen in a long time. “You don't understand, Seth. Brian is going to be furious at me when he learned the truth about us. I screwed up big time and it will come back to bite me in the ass.”

 

“Justin, you are talking in riddles. I don't understand and I want to-- I want to help you and Brian in anyway I could. Can we talk somewhere that there is heat at least?”

 

Justin nodded and they walked for a couple blocks to a small diner. They sat in a corner booth and ordered a plate special for both of them.

 

“You know Brian has an amnesia, right?” Justin began shredding the tissue in his hands into hundred pieces.

 

“Yeah, you mentioned it once, you told me that he can't remember eleven years of his life. That's awful, you know. I just can't imagine.”

 

Justin nodded but didn't meet Seth’s eyes.

 

“His best friend, Michael, told him that they were in a relationship for nine years prior to the accident.”

 

Seth was shocked, “Wow, that was a long time to be with someone. But, Brian doesn't remember any of it?”

 

“No, he doesn't.”

 

“You didn't know before you two hooked up, did you?”

 

“No, I didn't.”

 

“Wow, man. Why did he keep something like that from you? What if his memory will come back and-- goodness, Justin.”

 

“He told me after we got the house and the domestic partnership. He was terrified that I wouldn't understand… he was afraid I might change my mind and think that he wasn't worth risking my heart when I know there's a possibility of him going back to his ex-boyfriend.”

 

Seth nodded in a trance like expression. “It's wrong, but I kind of understand where he's coming from. But what about the one you said earlier? You said you're afraid that Brian would be furious with you… Why would he?”

 

Justin looked devastated, his eyes were starting to get wet with tears. “Michael's mother had demanded Brian to get back with his son. They are stressing him out and using those times that they helped him when he was just a kid.”

 

“What the fuck?”

 

“Yeah, and Brian was truly hurt because he thought they were his family. Michael even tried killing himself just to blackmail Brian into getting back together.”

 

“The guy is crazy…” he shook his head and frowned. “I'm not defending the guy, but Justin-- he must be hurting, too, you know. It's hard to be in a relationship for nine years, then in just a blink, your partner forget his love for you and broke up with you. And now he is crazy in love with someone else.”

 

Justin was biting his lips.

 

“But it still didn't answer why Brian is going to be furious.” 

 

Justin took a piece of tissue and blew his nose. Then their food had arrived, but neither had touched their plates.

 

“Brian and I have known each other even before his accident.” Justin clearly said but Seth had a hard time understanding it though he perfectly heard what Justin had just said.

 

“Wha-- what do you mean, Justin?” Seth asked in bewilderment.

 

“Michael is lying. He has been lying and making up some stupid fantasy about him and Brian being together.”

 

“The fuck? Why would he do that? What about his mother? You mean to say they are both lying to Brian about the nine years shit?” Seth couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 

“They have both been playing with Brian's head. Michael has always been in love with Brian ever since they met, but Brian doesn't want him like that. I guess, he saw this amnesia as his way of getting what he has always wanted. He somehow managed to keep his deceit from the rest of their friends-- how does he do it, I don't know, but he has done it for over two years now.” Justin explained with an undisguised anger.

 

“This is too much. I can't imagine how will Brian react to thi-- but-- Justin, you said you have known him from before. Why didn't you tell him when you two have met again? Why did you act like it was the first time you met him?”

 

“At first I was just shocked seeing him there, but within seconds, I felt and I saw in his eyes that he didn't recognize me. I don't know what to say, and I was just so happy seeing him again after all this time and he was being sweet that I guess I became selfish from keeping the truth from him.” Justin worried his lips anxiously.

 

“But you had the chance to tell him. It's been what, three months since you two are together? Why did you keep this secret this long, Justin?”

 

“Seth, I want to tell him but it's not that easy. I can lose him… I can't--” Justin stammered. His eyes filled with tears again, but he wiped it on his sleeve before it could fall out.

 

“Justin, you have to tell Brian. Why are you letting those people manipulate him when you can stop this bullshit that they have been doing. Don't you want Brian to know the truth?”

 

“God, of course I do! It's been killing me to have to keep all this inside. But I'm scared, I can't lose him, Seth. I love him so much that it would likely kill me if we're going to break up again this time.” Justin rubbed his face as tears rolled down his cheeks.

 

“Justin, are you saying…” 

 

Justin looked up at his friend and nodded. “Yeah, Brian had a previous relationship before his accident. His first and only relationship up to that time. But it wasn't with Michael. It was with me, Seth. Brian and I were together for almost two years. I was with him since I was seventeen.”

 

Seth couldn't react after what he had heard from Justin.

 

“But we broke up three months before his accident. I broke up with him, I left him for another man. That is one of the things that I'm ashamed to admit to Brian-- that I was so stupid thinking that I could be happy with someone else. I made a huge mistake.”

 

“But you are together again, Justin. Brian could probably understand the reason why do you need to hide about knowing each other before. I mean, he hide about Michael to you, too. Meaning, he was on the exact predicament you are in.” Seth took a deep breath, he suddenly felt so weak. 

 

“Honestly, Justin, Brian loves you so much. Anyone with eyes could see that. You were so young the first time you were together, you've done some stupid things-- but who doesn't? You screwed up, just like everybody else. And obviously you had broken up with the guy you left Brian for. I don't remember you dating anyone since we've met, so… I don't see any problem that you cannot tell Brian about your past.”

 

Justin was shaking his head over and over. “I can't, Seth. I can't… It's not that simple.”

 

“What else is there, Justin? What's stopping you from telling your partner the truth? You can stop all this madness that those people have been creating, you just have to tell Brian the truth.”

 

“You don't understand. It's hard for me to tell him everything.”

 

“But why, Justin? Make me understand because I'm in total loss.”

 

“Because… I'm the reason why he has amnesia in the first place. I was the reason for his car to crash that night, Seth. I did this to him-- I almost got him killed. Because I hurt him again. I hurt him so much that night that he needed to take off.”

 

***

 

Brian decided to go to the gym after having breakfast with Justin. He was in the mood for some lifting and good cardio workout.

 

He was just finishing his last set of reps on the bench press, when he noticed a shadow hovering by his side. He ignored it and concentrated with the task at hand.

 

When he finally finished, he kept on lying down for few more minutes just to catch his breathing. He seriously needed to workout more.

 

“Looks like you're out of practice, Brian.” The voice to his side said to him. Brian sat up and just shrugged at the stranger talking to him. 

 

“So, how have you been?” The guy asked like they were friends or something, and he sat on the next bench to his left.

 

Brian turned to look at him. The guy was gorgeous, he was bulky with all the right muscles at the right places. He was smiling like they knew each other. But they didn't know each other, as far as he knew.

 

“Look buddy, I appreciate the gesture but I'm not interested. I'm not available.” Brian said to the man who was now gaping at him.

 

“Are you serious?” The man looked at him like he didn't know if Brian was joking or not.

 

“Serious as a heart attack. I'm taken and I don't want anyone but my partner.” He said matter of factly.

 

“What? Wait-- are you seriously telling me that you don't recognize me? I know it's been like over two years, but I don't really change that much.” The hot guy asked in bewilderment.

 

“Ah, two years, so you were one of those countless tricks, huh? Sorry, man but I'm really in a serious, committed relationship. So, still not interested.” Brian stood from the bench and started to walk away when he was being held at the elbow.

 

“Brian, what happened? Why can't you recognize me? Did you have any medical problems-- 

 

“I appreciate your concern, but unless we are closed, I cannot just disclose my medical conditions to you.”

 

“It's been few years since I was in your circle of friends, but I'd like to think that we still are.”

 

“You were one of the gangs?” Brian looked at him skeptically.

 

The guy shrugged, “I guess so. I left Pittsburgh after breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, your best friend.”

 

Brian looked at him with wide eyes. What the fuck? “What do mean your ex-boyfriend-- my best friend?”

 

The guy smiled, “I'm Ben Bruckner, Michael's ex-boyfriend. Anyway, did I just hear you saying you are taken and in a committed relationship? So, you finally grow up, huh? Did you get back again with Justin?”

 

Brian was seriously dumbfounded.  What the heck this guy, Ben, was telling him? Was he messing with his brain?

 

He looked at the calm demeanor of Ben, he seriously didn't look like he was the kind to do cruel pranks to people around him. His smile was sincere and kind, and Brian decided to play along. Brian wanted to know what this Ben was telling him. But goodness, his chest was pounding so hard.

 

“Yeah, we're back together again. Listen, Ben, uh-- sorry for not recognizing you but I was in an accident two years ago. I hit my head so hard on the window-- I have an amnesia. I cannot remember most of my past unless they were being told to me.”

 

Ben nodded worriedly. “I'm sorry to hear that, Brian. But are you okay now, though? I mean, have you remembered anything?”

 

Brian shook his head. “Nah. I don't think it's coming back, it's already been over two years.”

 

“Don't say that. You just have to let your brain heal, you know. It will come back in the most unexpected time.”

 

Brian looked at Ben intently and an idea had hit him. Brian wanted to know what's been going on and why Ben’s version of his life was different from what he actually know. 

 

Brian wanted the truth for once and for all, now that he knew how viscous Michael could be, it wouldn't surprise him much if he was feeding him with false information. But was everyone lying to him, too? Were they making fun of his life?

 

Maybe he could have the chance to find the truth with some random stranger, more than the people he once thought he could trust. Well, it looked like he could try that with Ben, he could try to listen to what he knew about him.

 

“Uh, I haven't heard about you from anyone-- not even Michael, but now that I know we've been good friends, maybe you could show me some photos, mementos that you have about our group. Who knows, that might juggle my brain back.”

 

Ben shrugged and told him he'd love to share what he had in his apartment with Brian, providing it wouldn't interfere with his progress.

 

“I have read before that it's not advisable to tell the person with amnesia about his memories. They said it's better to let the brain do that in its own time.”

 

“That's what the doctor advised me, too. But I need to get on with my life-- And by having this huge blank-- it's hard. I just want to know bits and pieces that's not from Michael's point of view.”

 

Ben understandingly chuckled. “I think I know what you mean. But why not asked Justin? You've been with him for two years, that's a long time especially when it comes to the stud of Liberty avenue.”

 

Holy fucking shit, this was not happening. Brian felt like a thunder had struck him. What did Ben mean that he was with Justin for two years before the accident? He could have been shitting on him, right? Ben was shitting on him, but he knew about Justin, he even asked if Brian was back with Justin again. Brian felt his hands trembled.

 

“It's hard on him. He-- uh, we just gotten back together recently, just three months ago.” Brian tried to calm himself.

 

Ben nodded, “Well, as they all say, you will always find your way to the one destined for you.”

 

Brian felt his heart had tightened. If what Ben had told him was true, Justin had been lying to him all this time-- just like Michael and Debbie.

 

Brian tried to compose himself. He wouldn't let himself breakdown before knowing the whole truth that he couldn't seem to get from the people that he thought would never hurt him this much.

 

“So, you want to check whatever I have in my apartment?” Ben asked while walking with Brian to the locker room.

 

Brian didn't dare say any words, he just simply nodded his head and went to take a shower.

 

When he got dressed, he checked his watch and see it was already half past twelve in the afternoon. With decision already made, he took his phone out from his bag and texted his partner, “Can't make it at one, something important came up.”

 

Brian felt so confounded and hurt beyond belief. He must've been so bad in the past for God to punish him like this. He prayed throughout the entire time of their drive to Ben’s apartment, he prayed that it was only a misunderstanding where Justin was concerned.

 

He was certain that he couldn't survive it if Justin had been playing with him all this time. He needed to know why Justin needed to pretend that they hadn't met before when he perfectly knew they already had. Justin knew that Michael and Debbie were playing with his head, but he just let them do it to him-- and joined the party of deceiving Brian.

 

Brian took a deep breath and looked out the window blankly. It hurts to think that the one you loved, the one you hopefully wanted to have a life with, to have your future with and the only person you have given your heart completely-- who owned it entirely, was the one who ended up hurting you in the most painful way.


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