In Brian's 36 years of life, okay, 37 in less than a week, he already knew that there's absolutely nothing last forever. Even those few good things that had happened to him, didn't even last for a few good years.

His relationship to his biological family should be the first one that should've lasted as long as he lived, or at least, it should be one of the good things that had happened in his life. It only took him three years to be in this world to know that he didn't have a good family.

His money and success were another thing. He had it all after being a partner to the agency that he had worked with since he graduated from college. He worked his ass off to get to where he was before his downfall. 

In all honesty, it was his human side that made him to back off from doing Chief Jim Stockwell's mayoral campaign. He secretly made a video in attempt to reverse and sabotage his already successful campaign. 

It eventually had him fired from his agency, bankrupting him, leaving him with nothing but a debt up to his eyeballs.

That was over four years ago, and thank god, he had bounced back by taking risk in having his own business. Now he was backed on top, in more ways than one.

Lastly, one good thing that he had in his life that didn't last, was his two years romantic relationship with one Justin Taylor.

Well, in all fairness, all those times that he was with him, he never even called what he had with Justin a relationship. He was all, 'I don't do boyfriends', 'I don't do relationships', and 'I don't do love'.

He met Justin on the same night Gus was born. He was about to go home from a frustrating night at Babylon when he saw him standing under a street lamps. He picked him up and brought him home.

In the middle of their foreplay, Melanie's call came in telling him that Lindsay had delivered his son. He went to the hospital with Michael and Justin.

He didn't even know why he let Justin picked between Abraham and Gus when Linds asked for his opinion. Unbelievable, yeah.

He popped Justin's cherry that same night after they were back at the loft. It was a very long and satisfying night for the both of them, if he's being honest with it.

The next day, the kid thought he was in love with him and started to stalk him almost every night at Woody's or Babylon. 

Brian was irritated by it, but somehow, he kind of like the kid's persistent attitude. He commended him for going after what he wanted. Something that he didn't always do.

He didn't really resist Justin that much harder, even though Michael and the gang thought otherwise. Because that was exactly what he wanted them to see.

But in reality, he was craving for Justin in his bed, and sometimes, he even wanted a small glimpse of him in the morning with his coffee at the diner.

After two months since he met Justin, the young man could be found in his bed almost every night.

The thing was, Justin had a terrible life in his own home too. When his father knew about his sexuality, he treated his son differently and he got more cruel to him everyday. Until one day, he gave him an ultimatum to whether abandon his lifestyle or else he would be homeless. 

Justin, the little risk taker, of course packed his clothes, art books and school stuff, knocked on Brian's door with his duffle on his feet.

That had happened after three months of meeting Justin. Brian tried to explain to the young man why it wasn't a good idea for him to live in his loft and called Debbie asking if she was willing to adopt the little homeless twat.

Since then, Justin was living in Michael's old room until that fateful night of his prom.

By the time Justin was living with Debbie, he noticed two things that seemed so weird about him. His unavailability every Tuesday evening and his close affinity to his phone.

He found out from Vic, by subtlety prying, that he was spending it locked in his room all night. Brian wanted to know what was going on inside that locked door, but it would mean he needed to ask Justin. It would also sound as if he cared, and he didn't. Really he didn't. So, he just shrugged his shoulders and go to Babylon.

He guessed, by six months with Justin's constant presence, everyone was just used to see the two of them together. 

Though, most of his friends developed a deep affection to the kid, they never doubted that the reason Justin got to stay, well, aside from being a persistent stalker, he was just a convenient fuck to Brian. A willing and a very accessible ass that was ready to be fucked anytime he fancied to.

Well, he guessed, he couldn't really blame any of them. He was the one who made sure to instill it in their mind that Justin was nothing but a great lay. He also shut any comments or even a hint referring him and Justin as couple, and he'd do it in a not so very kind way.

Unfortunately, Justin was the one he would lash out to. One comment about him and Justin, even from anyone he didn't know, would mean a hell day for the young man.

Honestly, Justin wasn't only great in bed. He was actually so intelligent and a great conversationalist too. He could have an intellectual discussion with him about anything you could think of. He liked the fact that he was so opinionated and wasn't afraid to speak his mind.

But as much as he enjoyed Justin's company, he couldn't let the kid think that there were more to them than just two people fucking whenever the mood strikes. 

And that was the reason he'd gone to a great extent on proving to Justin that he was just someone he liked to fuck because he was just-there.

He was aware that it hurt Justin more than he let them on. The kid must've been keeping it inside, he guessed, he just knew better than to challenge him. And that's where he forgot that Justin was young and it was his first time to these kinds  of feeling.

He'd kept him on arms length, kept him on his toes. He already broke so much rules for Justin and he wouldn't let him break anymore of his self imposed beliefs.

The boy was nothing but persistent though. He never failed to make Brian feel like he was Justin's only world. He'd been patient and understanding of his moods and became quiet an eloquent to Kinney language.

It wasn't easy to be with someone like Brian, and Brian himself perfectly knew that. It wasn't as if Justin never complained or never threw a fit, because he did. 

In fact, Brian would always see him get jealous with his tricks, especially when he'd bring them to the loft instead of him. 

Honestly, sometimes, he'd purposely do it just to get a reaction from Justin. It might be twisted and so cruel of him to even think like that, but he liked to know that Justin was in love with him.

As months passed by, Brian and Justin were spending more and more time together. Justin was at the loft almost everyday and you could see Brian sneaking to Justin's room for the nights he stayed in.

Then he'd asked Brian to be his prom date. He said, he was the only one he wanted to bring as his date and it would mean a lot if he'd be there with him that night.

Brian caved in. Because as much as he tried not to admit that he had fallen for the young man, the truth was, he had already fallen so hard. 

For once, Brian succumbed to what he really feels for Justin and wanted to at least make the night to be special for the two of them together.

He'd booked them for a night at a five star hotel  and he'd planned on bringing the young man there straight from the prom. He surprised Justin by coming late to the party but it was more than obvious how his presence affected his young lover. The twinkle in his eyes sent a wave of electricity to Brian's heart.

They gave everyone at the prom a night they couldn't forget. They sensuously dance to a classic song and kissed passionately at the end. 

Brian pulled Justin with him and they ran out of the ballroom like kids in summer and ended up at the basement parking lot where Brian had his car. 

He backed his lover on his jeep and proceeded to tell him about his plans. Justin was nodding exuberantly and kissed Brian so softly on the mouth. 

Brian felt an unexpected warmth enveloping his chest and he kind of like the feeling. After the kiss, Justin told him he needed to go inside to tell Daphne that he'd be going.

Justin started to walk back inside while Brian hopped in his car to wait for his return. He was watching the young man on his side mirror while crossing the expanse of the parking lot, when a figure suddenly appear with a bat on his hand.

He desperately called for Justin, but he knew it wouldn't be enough, and it wasn't enough. Their supposed special night had turned into a tragic one that almost cost Justin's life.

He was in coma for three days and Brian felt like he was dying with Justin too. He just sat there on the bench, so scared and so numb that he hadn't even noticed how he ate or drink in three days. 

Because he had to, right? There was no way in hell he could survive that long without food and water in his system.

Maybe, Mikey forced feed him, or it could be Debbie. He didn't remember any of it, but when he heard Jennifer sobbing on Debbie's shoulder saying, "Thank you, Lord", again and again, he stood up and walked out of the hospital without a back glance.

He locked himself in his loft for a couple of nights berating himself for even considering to be in a real relationship. He wasn't meant to be with anyone, not even with Justin. 

He'd continued his life like nothing happened. He'd go to work, did a kick ass job, go to Woody's and drink like a fish. He'd end up at Babylon fucking his brain's out all night long.

He made a promise to himself that he'd make sure not to let anyone get that closed to him again. He'd continue to be the stud of Liberty avenue. That was what he always would be.

It was better than to feel so hopeless when someone you care about was on the operating table and you couldn't do anything except wait. Anything was better than that.

He'd stay away from the family and he was wasted every single night. He never visited Justin when he was conscious and he could see the disapproval in his friends eyes. He continued to pretend that he didn't care.

He couldn't totally stay away from Justin, though. Try as he might to put a stop on his feelings, the young man had already possessed his heart. Yeah, he was the epitome of complication.

He had been watching a sleeping Justin every night from outside his room. He didn't want to admit it, but the few hours at night he was with him, was like a lifeline to Brian.

Few weeks after the incident, Jennifer came to his loft, crying and begging for his help. She said he was so messed up that no one could go through him and Jennifer was so desperate and didn't know what to do anymore.

Brian caved in, again, and let Justin stay with him. He wanted to help the young man in any way he could because he felt he owed it to Justin to help him cope up with his anxiety.

The first few months were really good, though, Justin was more subdued and always freaking out in a crowded places, he was actually improving. By the time when he could manage to walk alone on the street, Brian realized they had gotten so close to each other, even more so than before. Then he realized, he hadn't even been out tricking for nearly a month. 

The realization had gotten him in frenzy. He was already in that funk mood when he overheard a guy taunting him to be in a 'loving, boring relationship'.

He brought the mouthy trick to his place timing it with Justin's arrival from a movie night with Daphne. It was so heartless of him, he knew that, but he needed to get on track again.

He saw how devastated Justin was. With the sight of Brian fucking his trick on the sofa, he had shattered the bubble Justin was living in for the past few months in his loft.

It wasn't easy for him, too, to see his young lover hurting so much. He had to restraint himself from succumbing to what he really feels and apologized for his callousness. 

He wasn't going to do that, instead, he went out to Babylon and continue to fuck his brain out all night. He wouldn't let himself to feel any remorse, this what he always had been.

Justin knew better, right?

Brian was becoming distant after that. He was very cautious of his actions especially when they were both out. He wouldn't fall for those traps again, he had already been reminded of what it was like when Justin got hurt.

Besides, Justin was better now, that was the only thing he had promised to help him with.

He knew he was pushing the young man out, and he had been pushing him so hard. Justin was left feeling like Brian was doing it on purpose because he wanted him out of the loft now that he was better. He thought, Brian could've just said that instead of treating him like shit. It really did hurt him.

And when he met Ethan, the romantic, polar-opposite-of-Brian-Ethan, he couldn't help himself but fall for his words. It might be because he was at the stage where he was craving for attention and affection from the man he loved. But he couldn't get any from Brian, and Ethan was there, playing his violin to steal his heart.

After few weeks of claiming his title back as the stud of Liberty avenue, Brian felt that something was gnawing in his gut. As the days gone by, Justin was pulling away from him, too.

For weeks he felt how he wasn't as exuberance as he was when they were together. He'd been coming home later than he usually did and he'd been secretive with his sketchbook lately.

He only shrugged as a little bit of fear and sadness were growing inside his chest. He knew what was happening and he was convinced that this was for the best. 

He couldn't give the kid his teenage fantasy and it was better to find it with other kids his age.

And so Justin did.

He left the loft and lived in a dump with his new boyfriend. Brian went on as if it didn't bother him that Justin had left.

Maybe it really didn't, or even if it did, he knew Justin loved him, he would always love him. What Justin needed, was to experience life like everyone else. He needed to know that there were no perfect relationship, no perfect boyfriend nor there wasn't a perfect life. Life was full of bullshit and the kid better learned that lesson early on.

So he thought it was really all right that Justin was living his teenage life, letting him to crush and burn. And maybe, just maybe, Justin would come to realize that what he had with Brian was way more better than flowers, chocolates and violin music.

He was also sure that if Justin's new relationship would crumble down, and he was certain that it would, he'd be running back to Brian.

It didn't mean that he wouldn't be affected with the sight of Justin with the fiddler, though. Because, as hard as it was for Brian to admit it, it did hurt him a bit.

But one afternoon, about five months after his break up with Justin, he went to see Debbie in her house. What he'd found though, was a distress Debbie frantically pacing in front of Emmett.

Emmett, on the other hand, was trying to settle her down before she gave herself a heart attack. She was so worked up that her face was so flushed and her words were indecipherable.

He stood from the doorway of her living room, trying to observe and understand what the fuss was about. It was obvious that something was wrong and Brian wanted to know.

"Deb, it was his decision. We just have to respect what he wants and if he decided to totally cut us off from his life, then I think we just have to give that to him." Emmett said looking up at Debbie who was still pacing.

"But we are his family. I thought..." She slowed down and sat on the couch as if she was already defeated and let out a deep sigh. "I thought we mean something to him. He always knows that he is welcome in my house anytime. But he just walk away..." The last words were softly spoken and Brian got an unsettling feeling in his gut.

"What's happening here?" He finally asked and they were a little startled finding him standing on the doorway of the living room. They were so worked up they hadn't even noticed him entering the house.

"Brian?" Debbie said and just like that, the dam has broken, she started crying. Brian's throat was suddenly dry and he tried to swallow the lump forming on it.

"Deb, what's wrong?" He walked a few steps toward the couch.

Debbie pointed to a piece of paper on the top of the coffee table, which he didn't notice it was there before, he felt a cold air run down his spine.

His eyes were fixated on the white envelope with a familiar hand writing. The envelope had a simple 'My Family' written on it. His heart was racing so fast as if he just ran a marathon.

He worriedly glanced at Debbie and saw her wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. He flicked his eyes in Emmett's direction and could see sadness crossing his face. Brian swallowed dryly again.

"Justin" He mouthed to Brian, gesturing with a tip of his head towards the coffee table.

So, he took a deep breath and went to take the paper. He walked to the dining table and sat down on it, placing the paper in front of him and stared at it for a while.

Several heartbeats later, he started to read.

Speechless. He was speechless.

He sat there gaping at the paper, shook his head a little, then reading it back a few more times. He must've misunderstood the twat. 

But it turned out, even if he had read it again and again, Justin had written to say adios, farewell, a goodbye to all of them.

In his letter, he was going on and on about Jennifer receiving almost nothing from her divorce settlement with Craig. Even the condo that she and Molly were living, had to be sold out because she couldn't even afford it anymore. 

On top of that, she was fired by her boss at the Real Estate firm that she was working. They suspected, Craig had something to do with it.

Justin went on saying, he messed it even more by going over Craig's house, yelling and throwing stones on his windows. His father called a police on him and got him arrested. 

To which, his mother bailed him out and spent more money that she already didn't have.

So, in the end, they all decided to just pack everything up and moved out of Pittsburgh. They went to his mother's brother and tried to have a new life in a new city, far away from Craig and everyone else they knew.

He also asked them to understand that he couldn't say goodbye personally because it just hurt too much. He was wishing them all a great life and singled out Brian, asking him to forgive Justin for what he had done five months ago.

Brian was so stunned, in all the scenarios that he was playing in his head about him and Justin, this wasn't one of them. He began to feel numb and all he could do was blink in attempt to stop his emotions from coming out. 

Justin had left Pittsburgh. He left to a place unknown to any of them. He left them without even saying goodbye. 

He left Brian without saying goodbye.

Brian's defense was kicking in, just like any other times when he was hurting. He was diverting the pain that was creeping in, letting his anger comes out in full force.

Justin was a coward, a mother fucking coward who ran away from those people who cared for him for two fucking years, and he only sent them a letter. Yeah, an asshole.

He slammed the table forcefully, standing up sending the chair to topple down.

"Brian!" He heard Debbie shouted, and in an instant, she was on his side. She was still crying, and said, "Sunshine's gone, Brian."

Brian scoffed and looked sharply on her. "Yeah, good riddance, I must say." He crossed the few steps from dining room to the main door opening it with unnecessary force. 

Before he could step out though, he looked back at them and said bitterly, "We don't need a mother fucking asshole like him." He turned around closing the door with a loud bang.

He was so furious at first and even forgetting about the fiddler. It didn't even cross his mind if they were still together or not. Then he saw him playing his violin to the small crowd on the street. 

Brian was on his way to the Baths and fished a hundred dollar bill dropping it to the fiddler's case without even stopping. After a few steps, he heard the fiddler calling him as he tried to school his expression to a nonchalant one. Then he turned to face the chin rat.

"Take your money, I don't need it." He sternly said handing him the bill. 

Brian snorted and sarcastically said, "Of course you do. Buy a new jacket, or eat a steak instead of ramen or..." He trailed his words looking at the fiddler intently, "...buy a shampoo and wash your hair."

"You are really an asshole." He snared back. Brian just smirked, taunting him more. It was giving him a slight satisfaction to stir a reaction from the fiddler. 

"Justin was right, he said you never cared for anyone's feelings except yours and your dick. Well, I guess now he is back with you. He hasn't really moved on even when we were together and I bet he ran straight to you the minute after we broke up."

Brian had frozen while the fiddler continued his tirade. "Huh, honestly..." He scoffed, "... I was kind of surprised we lasted almost four months. He got this weird headaches that I know he pretended to have just so I wouldn't touch him."

He was shaking his head in disbelief, "Then I made one stupid mistake and he got all hysterical on me. But you've done it to him a million times and he just swallowed it without batting an eyelash."

So, Justin was single for over a month before he left? That was the only significant thing he could process at that moment as he felt his chest was constricting.

His defense level had kicked up after a while and he snarkily answered, "Well, of course Justin would swallow mine, it tastes extremely great. The best actually, according to the little twat. Unlike yours, I bet it tastes even worse than it looks."

He turned and walked back to his loft. The night had turned to be one of his worst ones. It was a long and restless night. He was sure that no one from the gang had known Justin and the fiddler had broken up. If one of them did, he would have heard it from them in one way or another.

What kept him awake the whole night, though, was the thought of Justin not coming back to him when Brian thought he'd be. He was so sure Justin would try to get back with him when his relationship with the fiddler would fail. But he obviously didn't.

Instead of coming back to him, Justin just packed his bags and left Pittsburgh with his mom and sister without even seeing him.

Did it mean that Justin was over him now? Was it the reason why he didn't even say goodbye? How can he just moved on from Brian just like that? Well, he was right all along, wasn't he? Love was bullshit and wasn't real.

It didn't mean he wasn't hurting though, and he didn't want to admit that it really hurt so fucking bad. He hated to be experiencing this kind of pain he had put himself through. Even months after he read Justin's letter, it wasn't getting any better, it was cutting even deeper.

That was almost six years ago. Ancient according to Gus. Well, anything that was over a couple of months was ancient for his eight year old son.

He realized, in all that time, he survived Justin's abrupt disappearance by nurturing his anger towards the young man. The anger turned into hatred that kept residing on every fiber of his being.

For so long he didn't want to hear them talking about Justin. Not that his friends were really talking about the twat, but in rare moments that they did, he'd make sure to let them know that the topic wasn't welcome in his presence. 

Soon, he'd find out, the reason he didn't want them mentioning Justin's name, because it just hurt too much.

Years passed and it seemed the gang had forgotten about their little sunshine. He didn't know when it started, but after over two years, no one was even mentioning his name anymore. It was as if Justin hadn't existed in their lives at all. Brian could admit it made him a bit sad.

That left him feeling unsettled. By that time, the anger had died down swapping it with longings that grew harder and harder as the days gone by.

He was battling with himself internally especially after realizing that what had happened to him and Justin was equally their faults. 

He took the young man for granted, held him on an arms length, giving just a crumbs of affection. He'd be nice for a moment then he'd be cruel for days. 

He'd pushed him out, pulled him in, one step forward, ten steps back. He honestly forgot sometimes that Justin was only seventeen.

In the beginning, he deluded himself into believing he was doing it for both of them. Brian wouldn't change the way he lead his life, not for anyone. He was also giving the kid a chance to run farther away from him, saving himself from the pain that he would inevitably have from loving one Brian Kinney, in which he ultimately did.

But now he knew he was actually terrified. He was so terrified that Justin had become someone that meant so much to him. 

And he thought it could only mean one thing. Justin could single handedly hurt and wrecked him, just like his parents did.

He would never allow anyone to do that to him. It was enough that from very young age, he was physically, mentally and emotionally abused by his parents. The pain that they caused him was enough to last for a lifetime and another. He didn't want to feel so wrecked again.

Then he finally realized Justin wasn't coming back. Justin had moved on, his friends had long been moving on, Everyone had moved on, everyone but him, apparently.

After all these years, he decided to at least attempt on searching for Justin. Even just to know what really happened to him that he felt the need to move out of Pittsburgh.

And who knew better than the best side kick there was. Yeah, Daphne.

He drove to her old apartment, though, there was a big chance she wasn't living there anymore. It turned out, she left the Pitts way ahead than Justin did. 

He found a lady named September, living in her old apartment. She told Brian that she was an old classmates of both Justin and Daphne. She also told him that Daphne moved to Chicago in the middle of her second year in college and she, September, lost contact with her.

He left the apartment with a heavy heart. He couldn't believe Justin hadn't told him about Daphne's move. Were they so messed up that he didn't even bother to share this with him? 

Justin must've been so torn with all his personal problems piling up without the only person he could count on to be there for him. That was the same time when Justin was seeing the fiddler behind his back.

Well, he guessed, sunshine did dodge a bullet after all. Brian was truly a heartless asshole. He was so busy pushing Justin off of the mount Kinney over and over again, when he was already having a hard time with his best friend moving to another city. No wonder he fell for the chin rat's sweet words.

With this in mind, he thought he'd better leave  Justin alone wherever he might be. He had done so much harm to him already, and who knows, he might be with someone now who could give him his ever after.

And there was no way he would let himself do this farce called relationship again. It wouldn't do anyone good.

As if he needed more proof not to believe in love and commitment, his best friend Michael and Ben split up after four years together and tying the knot in Canada on their third year anniversary. Ben transferred to San Francisco where Hunter was permanently living with his wife and son for few years now.

Well, so much for The Ever After.

Mel and Linds' on again off again relationship didn't help his case, too. The two lesbians were on the count of who's the next to cheat now game. Not to mention Emmett's 5 minutes relationships.

Theodore was in another league though. After reuniting with Blake two years back, the two were going stronger than ever. But he wouldn't count on it lasting much longer because come on, it was tried and tested. 

No happily ever after. Not on this lifetime. 

See what had happened to Emmet and Drew. Drew promised he would be back when he'd be metaphorically twenty one. And it was already over four years ago and still nothing, not even a single phone call.

Emmet didn't talk about it much, but Brian knew he was still waiting, hoping, even praying that day would come.

Pathetic. He would never allow himself to fall into that hole again or even waste his time dwelling on things that he couldn't control over. 

Instead he spent his energy working his butt off to make his company more successful. He wanted to retire in his early age and lounge in Palm beach like he always dreamed in his younger years.

So, life went on. He was almost 37 years old, with two successful businesses. And in almost six years since Justin was gone, he knew nothing could shake his erected facade anymore. He also made sure to build an iron fence around his heart and it was impenetrable ever since.

Less than a week before he turned 37, five days to be exact, he found himself with the gang on their weekly Saturday morning breakfast at the Liberty diner. 

Everyone was there, including the munchers and their two kids along with the gang's newest addition, Eric, who was Ben's cousin from Missouri.

Eric was one of his employees at Kinnetik working with his legal department. It was Ben who recommended him to Brian, who set an interview, and found Eric to be a great addition to his growing company.

Even after Ben left to San Francisco, Eric continued to be in their circle of friends. Brian thought, the guy was okay, he was exemplary actually. He guessed, like Ben, Eric was also into Buddhism and shit like that, because the guy was a Zen Ben 2.0.

He noticed Emmett wasn't with them, he must've gotten lucky the other night. When the food came, they all devour it while continuously chatting with each other. 

That was until Emmett came rushing in squealing his way to their table.

He got the patrons' attentions and were eyeing him curiously. It was quiet obvious he had been pulling someone behind him which they couldn't see from their vantage points because of Emmett's taller frame.

A new boyfriend, Brian deduced.

"Guys, guys, look who I have found hovering outside the door!" He excitedly said while he was still halfway through the diner.

But before anyone could even guess or Brian could say something snarky, the figure stepped aside with a wide grin on his face. He was looking at them as if it was just yesterday that they all last see each other.

"Hi guys." He said smiling gleefully at them.

Speechless. Everyone on their table was frozen. How would you react seeing a person who walked out from all of your lives almost six years ago?

"Sunshine!"