“Justin Taylor, you have been on that couch for seven whole days heaving heartfelt sighs and I can’t take it anymore. When do you think you will be ready to talk to me? Surely you know that as your best friend, I am here for you. With that being said, and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way because it is coming from a place of love and concern: YOU REEK and It is time for an intervention!” Daphne jerked the neon comforter away to reveal Justin curled up in the fetal position. “Get up and into the shower, Justin. Now!”

Justin sniffed his armpits and recoiled in horror. “Oh my god, I’m so disgusting. You should have said something to me sooner. I didn’t realize…sorry I’ll be right out.”

Thirty minutes later…

“Daph, I know I have been a real live drag lately and I hate that I just can’t seem to snap out of moping mode.” Justin sat up and sighed again. “I’m beginning to get on my own last good nerve. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t take me in so thanks a bunch. Daph, I’m so depressed and I feel completely despondent 24/7. I just …I miss him so much. I dream about him and the way he held me all night long in what use to be our bed.  It feels so real until I open my eyes and realize I am all alone and it was all in my head.

Every day it hurts more than the day before and the pain…I don’t have the words. It almost feels like a wolf is gnawing a giant hole in my belly and all my guts are hanging out. Yeah, I know. That was a gross and graphic analogy, but that is what I’ve been feeling ever since I crashed here with you. What should I do? Do you think if I groveled at his feet while offering a minimum of seven years of indentured servitude that he would consider taking me back?”

Daphne flounced across the floor of the small bedroom and took Justin into her arms. “Justin, you have been my best friend, confidant, and my brother from another mother since our first day of kindergarten. I love you and I don’t care that you are a little white boy whose butt looks hotter and sexier than mine. But, I am going to have to say this even if it hurts you because you need to hear it.  Ethan sucked, Justin!  I never was crazy about him but I held my tongue because I thought he was what you wanted and needed at the time. He doesn’t deserve you and if you even think of crawling back to that…that…that lying, sneaking, cheating Fiddler, I will personally kick your bubble butt up and down Liberty Avenue.”

“Ethan?!” Justin shrieked and leapt to his feet. ”Daphne, are you crazy? I would never!  I’m talking about Brian and I can’t believe you didn’t realize that. I would do just about anything be anything in order to get Brian to take me back!”

“Thank God! Why didn’t you say so? I’ve been thinking all this time that you were totally nuts to leave Brian Kinney when you two are perfect for each other. I would just bite my tongue and hold my peace because I thought it would hurt your feelings. Justin, everyone knew that Brian really cared for you and even after all these months more than likely he still does. It was his fear of commitment issues not lack of love for you that stood in the way.” Daphne passed Justin the box of tissues on her desk.

Justin sniffed, blew his nose, and mopped his teary eyes. “You really think so, Daph? I was such a fool to throw Brian away. I was just so exhausted… fighting to keep his interest…trying to get him to admit he loved me…needing to know that I was more just another trick to him. I let Ethan distract me with his hearts and flowers. It was all my fault…I take all the blame… I forgot that Brian Kinney is about actions not words.”

 Daphne grabbed Justin’s shoulders. “Justin, it’s okay. Take a deep breath, let it go, and stop beating yourself up.”

“Daphne, the family hates me for what I’ve done to Brian. Can you blame them? Michael tells me so every chance he gets. If I didn’t need cash so badly, I would have quit at the diner. I avoid Babylon like the plague for the same reason. I can’t bear the thought of running into the gang or Brian. But most of all Daphne, I gotta know, what do you think of me and the wrong I have done?  I mean do you think less of me as a person when you look at me now?”

“Justin, sweetie. I am your best friend and I would never judge you. I wish you would have told me what was going on with you and ‘He who shall not be named’ but that is neither here nor there. In answer to your question, the sneaking around was not one of your shining moments but it doesn’t change the way I see or love you.”

“Now listen to Mama Daphne. You were wearing Brian down but you…you misplaced your copy of ‘Brian Kinney for Dummys’…got discouraged and tapped out. He is a tough nut to crack, even for someone as tenacious as you. You’re only human…just suck it up and chalk it off as a lesson learned. Brian is stubborn and proud so we are going to have to hit him with everything we got. Never fear, your partner in crime Daphne, is here!  You’re not in this alone, I’ve got your back and will be there to help you over each and every obstacle Brian throws in the way. Haven’t you heard? One should never send a fag to do a fag hag’s job.”

For the first time in a week I felt the urge to laugh out loud. “Okay Daph. Let me get my game face on so we can do this!”

“Now you’re talking, Blondie! Pay close attention, Justin  here’s the plan.  First: get thee back to Babylon! And, every time you see Brian escort a trick to the back room, make certain that you do the same. He needs to see that you are back in circulation as a free agent again.”

“Daph, I’m on it. I forgot to tell you that I went to Babylon the other night and attempted to stalk and track my prey. I held up the bar and nursed a beer while searching the floor for a Brian sighting. It wasn’t long before I had him in the crosshairs of my scope as he and his catch of the day cruised in the direction of the backroom.”

“Uh Huh, and then what happened, Jus?”

“It was time to make my move.  I latched on to a really hot twink and set up shop in the cubicle right next to Brian. Brian didn’t notice me at first because he was kind of busy himself. But when he did... he stared into my eyes the entire time.  It was like neither us could look away. I wanted to kick my trick to the curb, tell Brian’s to piss off, throw myself into his arms, and kiss him until we couldn’t breathe.”

“Shut up, Justin! I can’t believe you were holding out on me. That’s perfect!”  Daphne clapped her hands and grinned from ear to ear. “Moving on to the next bullet point on the ‘Operation Get Your Man Back’ memo.” Daphne rolled her eyes. “Your wardrobe is absolutely deplorable. You have lost so much weight…I hate you, by the way…so shopping is definitely on your agenda. Before you say a word, I can spot you some cash because I know your money is looking really funny these days. This is a loan not a gift therefore, you will pay me back, my friend.”

“No Daph, you are already supporting me and there’s no way I’m taking money from you to go shopping.”

“Zip it! Here are some ground rules starting with those baggy cargo pants and sneakers you know and love. Yeah, lose them. You need to get stuff that is two sizes too small so that you can look as slutty as possible. A baby blue tee in mesh will play up your eyes. Get one in red too. Ooooh, you need a pair of ankle boots and skinny jeans in black and definitely another in blue because they will make your butt look sooooo hot in them.” Daphne mimed checking off another item on her to-do list.

“Uh, Daph, I don’t know if I can deal with the skinny jeans or boots. That look is so not me and I won’t feel very comfortable at all. Maybe I should just go with what I know. My wardrobe has worked for me so far. If it ain’t broke, why fix it?” Justin dropped his face in his palms when Daphne glared at him.

“Justin…my favorite blond twink…you are completely missing the point. No pain, no gain are the words to live by. You’re are not supposed to be comfortable, the name of the game is looking good.  If you doubt me, ask Emmett for some advice. Better yet, we will invite him to go shopping with us.  We can pump him for information and any juicy gossip you may have missed out on while you were in seclusion. Thanks to you, I have been missing out on all the Liberty Avenue drama.” Daphne tossed Justin his cellphone. “Call him now, I insist.”

And another thing, tell me that you applied for that art department internship you saw posted on that bulletin at your school?  Yeah, never mind, don’t answer that. Sometimes I want to just smack you upside the head, Justin! I know, I know you don’t have to say a word. You were too busy trying to be despondent and depressed.

Shame on you, Justin. You’re one of the most talented art students attending PIFA. There’s no way you wouldn’t land that position. Boot up that computer of yours and apply today. When you get that job not if, when, you will be in Brian’s face at least 25 hours a week. He will be seeing you so often that your image will be burned on his retinas.

Brian used to call you the number one stalker of his fan club. As of today, you have been promoted and now hold the title of stalker extraodinaire.”

Daphne tackled Justin to the floor and tickled his midsection. “Trust me…my little gay BFF…and mark my words, Brian Kinney is in the bag. We got this, Justin! Before you know it, we will have you back in that loft with Brian all over you like white on rice!”