Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction
In the working of Karma there are maleficent and beneficent forces and conditions to counteract and support this self-operating law. Birth, time or condition, substratum of rebirth or showing attachment to rebirth and effort act as such powerful aids and hindrances to the fruition of Karma.

Chapter 21

Justin sat on the floor, cross legged, leaning up against the wall. He had told Brian that he was going to be in his studio, a pretty common thing and one that didn’t elicit any questions. Brian kissed him, asked him not to stay up too late and then grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

The door opened and Gus walked in by himself. He had changed into sweats and a t-shirt and was barefoot, as usual.

“Come over here, Gus,” Justin said as Gus stood by the door, hesitating.

He walked over to where Justin sat and lowered himself down, crossing his legs as well. He sat and stared at Justin, waiting for the sentencing.

Instead, Justin asked, “How long have Austin and Tiffany been going at it?”

“It just started, ‘DJ’. I think this was only the second or third time,” Gus answered honestly.

“And you and Emma?”

“We just met; she’s really nice, ‘D’,” Gus replied with a little smile, so reminiscent of Brian’s.

“I’ll bet she is,” Justin said disapprovingly.

“She really is,” Gus said, defensively.

“You know, Gus, you really should be having this conversation with your father,” Justin said.

Surprised, Gus answered, “I am, ‘Daddy J’.”

“I meant Brian,” Justin said too quickly.

“No, I’d rather have this talk with you, if you don’t mind,” Gus said quietly. “I know Dad is cool and easy to talk to about sex and stuff but I’m more comfortable talking to you about my feelings, ‘D’. Sometimes Dad can be a bit too blunt and he’s not very romantic.”

“Oh, he’s romantic in his own way, Gus. It’s just not something he shows most people.”

You bought this palace, for me?

It’s for my prince…


I’m sure he’d consider everything I’m feeling silly and a big waste of time.” Gus said. “Besides, after the shit I pulled with the car, I don’t think I’m high on his list of favorite people right now,” he finished.

“Gus, you know we both love you, no matter what happened last week,” Justin said softly.

“I know, ‘DJ’, I just feel like I’ve disappointed everyone. Perfect little Gus did something wrong,” Gus said in a falsetto voice, mimicking Lindsay.

Justin was completely taken aback by this response. He never thought that Gus was harboring these feelings.

“Don’t you think that maybe you are projecting your own feelings onto to us Gus? That the one who was most disappointed was you?” Justin asked gently.

Gus looked at him with eyes that were so much like Brian’s, the only noticeable difference were the additional blue flecks. Justin could see that he was starting to get emotional. His face was slowly turning pink and the beautiful eyes were starting to twinkle with unshed tears. Gus grabbed Justin’s hand and held it tightly as he started talking.

“I guess you’re right, ‘D’. I can’t believe that I did something so stupid! It’s just that I’ve got all these new feelings. I want to do, and see, and try things I’ve never done before. It’s so weird, like all of a sudden, this new person is in my body.”

“That’s pretty normal, Gus; you’re growing up. Things are going to start changing rapidly; new experiences and new feelings are bound to crop up. This is all a part of it,” Justin said, giving Gus’ hand a little squeeze and looking at him lovingly.

“I guess it is, I’m just not used to some feelings that I’m having. I don’t know how to deal with them,” Gus said quietly.

“Like what?” Justin asked.

Gus looked at Justin and turned away to stare at the wall, not wanting to look his Dad in the eye just then.

Justin put his hand up to Gus’ face and gently turned it back so that he faced him again. “What is it Gus? You can tell me, I promise I won’t be shocked.”

Gus continued to be silent, not really wanting to say anything. Justin felt like he was trying to drag a bag of cement into a room but he persisted.

“You know, when I was your age, sex was the only thing on my mind,” Justin said, hoping to elicit a reaction from Gus.

Gus looked at him, surprised. Justin rarely talked about sex with Gus, this was usually something he felt Brian could deal with much better, however, Brian wasn’t here right now and he didn’t want to pass up this opportunity to help Gus out if he was having a problem

“Well, you’re right, ‘D’, sex is definitely on my mind, a lot.” Gus looked at Justin waiting to see what kind of reaction his statement would get. When he saw Justin just looking back at him without any expression, he continued. “Girls are primarily on my mind. I think about sex, wonder about it, what it would be like to have it. I guess you could say that’s about the only thing on my mind these days,” he said, finally breaking into a shy smile.

“All the guys I know are doing things that I’ve never done. Austin’s been getting blowjobs left and right and I’ve never even had one. I feel like a stupid virgin around him and I’m kinda jealous in a way. I want to try it too,” Gus stammered. “Emma seemed pretty cool and she was so sexy, she probably would have blown me if you hadn’t walked in.”

Fuck! Way too much information, now what do I say?

“Well, I’m pretty sure you’re right Gus, however, I don’t think Daphne’s house was the right place, nor do I think Emma was the right girl,” Justin said.

“Why not? Ashley won’t even discuss it with me, all she wants to do is kiss and hold hands. It’s getting really old,” Gus answered, frustrated.

“I mean, I like her and she’s really nice and we get along great, but she won’t let me touch her anywhere I want to. And she’s certainly not interested in touching me down there; what’s up with that, ‘DJ’?” Gus asked him, completely bewildered.

Fuck if I know. Maybe she’s frigid?

“Ashley obviously has certain principles and is living by them, Gus. You need to respect that, it’s pretty rare nowadays, to find girls like that,” Justin said.

As if I even fucking knew!

“Yeah, it’s so rare that I think she’s the only girl in Rosedale like that. All her friends are pretty cool about sex and I can’t tell you how many of them think nothing of giving a blowjob. They don’t even consider that sex!” Gus said indignantly.

Thank you, Mr. Clinton for re-inventing the word.

“That doesn’t mean that her feelings are wrong, Gus. She’s only fifteen after all,” Justin said.

“She’s almost sixteen, ‘D’. How old were you when you had sex for the first time?” Gus asked.

I knew he was going to ask me that!

“I was little bit older than you. But in my case things were different,” Justin replied.

“Why?” Gus asked.

I was a horny little twink that stalked your father and couldn’t get enough of him.

“I had other issues to deal with, like acknowledging my sexuality, my being Gay; dealing with my choices, my parents and my peers. My world at sixteen and seventeen was very different from yours, Gus,” Justin said, looking at the man-child in front of him who was still so young in many ways and so innocent. Justin tried to remember ever being like that and couldn’t.

“Well, I don’t have those issues. I just want to get laid, like everyone else. What’s wrong with that?” Gus asked, looking at him expectantly.

God that sounds so familiar.

“Nothing, really. You just have to pick the right time and place Gus. And wear a condom. Always be safe,” Justin said.

I just want you to be safe!

“I know all about being safe, ‘Daddy J’. You were in Toronto when Dad and I had our little demo, don’t you remember?”

“Oh, I remember Gus. That week was pretty hard to forget,” Justin replied, smiling at him.

“Okay, so what’s the plan,” Gus said, waiting for the solution.

The plan? What fucking plan is he talking about? Am I supposed to set up his first time? Oh holy crap, Brian, now what do I do?

“Gus, there is no plan, so to speak,” Justin said quietly. “You need to decide this on your own, and choose the time and the girl. I can’t lead you to her or tell you when the time is right. You’ll know.”

“No I won’t,” Gus said. “I thought tonight was the right time.”

Oh my God! He’s right; at this age any time is the right time.

“Well for one thing, you just met Emma, Gus. You barely even know her. And secondly, doing it at Daphne’s would have been hurried and awkward, I’m sure you wouldn’t want that for your first time,” Justin said.

“It’s okay,” Gus answered, “I would have been okay with that.”

Of course you would. Doing it in the back of the bleachers is just as awkward, why should this be any different?

“Well since you’ve never done it, you wouldn’t know. But trust me on this son, the time and the place and the person are all very important. You want your first time to be memorable and as perfect as possible, under the circumstances,” Justin said.

“Was yours with Dad?” Gus asked.

“Yes,” Justin replied simply, preferring not to go into any details.

I want you to always remember this, so that no matter who you are ever with, I’ll always be there.

“How old were you, ‘Daddy J’? The first time, with Dad?”

“A little bit older than you Gus; I was seventeen.”

What is this, a missile launch?

“Was it in the perfect place and the perfect time?” Gus asked.

Well, are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or coming and staying?

Justin took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He remembered vividly every detail of that first night, a night that he hoped would last forever. Opening his eyes, he looked at Gus and started talking quietly.

“I’ll never forget it, Gus. It was the most important night of my life, when everything changed for me. This is what I mean, Gus, your first time should be like that. With someone you really care about, not some girl that you just met; even though she’s as nice as you say she is. Do you know what I mean, son?”

“I guess so,” he replied morosely. “So what do I do in the meantime?”

Justin smiled at him and said, “You do what every other red-blooded male has done since time immemorial. You jack off Gus, as often as you want to. That’s the ultimate safe sex. I remember what my sheets looked like when I was fifteen.”

Gus blushed quickly and looked down. “I already do that,” he said sheepishly.

“Well, that’s a good thing,” Justin said. “I promise, you won’t go blind and warts will not appear on your hand.”

Gus looked up at him, surprised. “How did you know Mom told me that?”

“Because, Grandma Jennifer said that to me all the time. Every time she’d come into my room to change my bedding. I’m assuming Lindsay comes from the same school of thought,” Justin laughed softly.

Gus laughed too and recounted all the moments when he’d hear Lindsay bitching about changing sheets too often.

“So, what do you think I should say to Ashley to change her mind, ‘Daddy J’? I’d really like my first time to be with her. I really like her a lot.”

“You know what Gus, you might be pleasantly surprised when you get back home. She’ll have been without you for almost three months, and I’m sure she misses you as much as you miss her. Besides, she’ll be sixteen any day now, you’re both going to be sophomores. A lot will have changed all on its own. Sometimes time alone fixes certain problems.”

“Really?” Gus said.

“Yes, really! You just have to be patient and try not to rush things. Everything will happen in due time and when it does it’ll be that much better, because you did wait. You’ll have to trust me on that one, Gus.”

“I always trust you, ‘D’. You’re the one that’s most like me, in many ways. You always know what I’m thinking and how I feel.”

Justin’s insides turned to mush when he heard those words. They were articulated so simply and honestly and he couldn’t have said them any better.

He grabbed Gus and hugged him tight. “I love you too Gus. More than I can ever say.”

Gus looked at Justin and said, “I know that ‘D’. I’ve always felt your love, ever since I was a little boy and you used to show me all the different colors in the crayon box and you took the time to explain how they all related to each other and which colors mixed well. I’ve always felt so comfortable with you, sometimes more than with Dad. He used to scare me a little when I was younger.”

“Why did he scare you?”

“Oh, cause his voice was loud and he was so big and tall and he was always in a rush. I didn’t see him that often. It was just impressions of a little kid, nothing that he really did.”

“And now?”

“I’m fine with him; he’s great! More than great, he’s the best father anyone could ever have. Well, second best,” he said with a little grin. “You’re the best, ‘D’,” Gus said softly.

He stood up to leave the room and Justin quickly turned his head in the other direction so that Gus couldn’t see his face and the reaction he was having to those words.

“I’m going to bed, ‘Daddy J’. Good night.”

“Night Gus,” Justin answered quietly, hoping his voice wouldn’t break as he felt the tears running down his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emmett tapped the pencil on his desk, waiting as the phone rang.

“Kinnetik. How may I help you?”

“Would you connect me to Ted Schmidt, please?”

“Certainly sir. Who shall I say is calling?”

“Tell him it’s Emmett.”

“One minute, please.”

“Ted Schmidt,” he answered on the first ring.

“Teddy, it’s Em.”

“Hey stranger! You’ve finally surfaced; I haven’t seen or spoken to you in forever.”

“I know,” Emmett said apologetically. “I’ve been kinda busy.”

“Yeah,” Ted said, “I’ve heard all about your busy! Congratulations on this whole thing with Max. Brian has told me some really good things about him.”

“He’s wonderful Teddy. I am so happy.”

“Good for you, Em. No one deserves this more than you,” Ted said affectionately.

“The reason I’m calling is because I want to know if you would be the best man at our wedding?”

“Wedding? So soon? Aren’t you rushing into this, Emmett?”

“I know it hasn’t been that long, but we’re both ready and I don’t want to wait. So, will you? Be the best man, I mean?”

“Of course, Em. When and where is this wedding going to take place?”

It’ll be the first week in September. We’re trying to decide where. Brian and Justin have offered the gardens at Britin and I remember how beautiful it was last year at Molly’s wedding, with all the little lanterns strung up on the trees. I’m kind of leaning in that direction. We’re going to Chicago day after tomorrow to talk to Max’s parents and if they’re okay with it, then that’s probably what’s going to happen.”

“That sounds like a plan, Em. Do you have someone who’s going to look over your pre-nup? I can do it for you, if you don’t have anyone.”

“Why is everyone so concerned about pre-nups and money?” Emmett asked defensively.

“Who else is?” Ted asked.

“Well, his parents for one. And Brian asked me the same thing, just the other day. Whatever happened to ‘happily ever after’ with no dollar signs?”

“Grow up Em and get the stardust out of your eyes. You’re almost forty-years-old, with a thriving business and several assets. You don’t want to be stupid and not have a pre-nup. It’s just not the smart thing to do and I’m speaking to you as your accountant, not your friend.”

“Well, his father pretty much said the same thing. Apparently he comes from a shit load of money, although you would never know it by talking to him. Anyway, Mr. Steiner already has a meeting set up with his uncle, who’s a lawyer, to go over all that shit. God this is so tedious. It’s taking all the romance out of it!” Emmett said petulantly.

“It may be tedious, but it’s necessary and you need to look after yourself.”

“Well, honestly Teddy, I couldn’t care less. Everything I have means nothing without him, so he may as well have it all,” Emmett replied.

“Well, I can see that you really are going to need me to draw up this pre-nup,” Ted said in his accountant voice. “As usual, you’ve got your brain on your dick and are not thinking straight, so I’ll have to do your thinking for you.”

“Fine,” Emmett answered impatiently. “If this will make you happy, then do it, Teddy. Just put down everything that I own now is mine, and everything he owns is his and whatever we acquire after our marriage will be ours. Right?”

“Basically, that’s about right. I just need to gather all the info on your assets and list them separately; easy enough to do since I’ve done your taxes for as long as we’ve known each other.”

“Okay, good. Now that we got that garbage out of the way, can we talk about the fun things like, should I wear a tux or do you think we should have a more casual affair?” Emmett asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin picked up the phone and dialed Jennifer’s number. She answered on the first ring and her excitement at hearing Justin’s voice was clearly evident with her first, “Sweetheart?”

“Hi Mother, are you busy today?”

“Never too busy to talk to my son,” she said happily.

“I need to come see you. How about going to lunch?”

“Lunch is fine, Justin. Will you swing by my office and come pick me up?”

“I can do that. I’ll see you at noon, okay?”

“That’s fine,” she said, as Justin quickly hung up before she could ask any more questions. There would be time enough for that later.

He picked up the phone again and dialed Emmett’s number.

“Fabulous, Pittsburgh’s Premier Party Place,” Rick chanted.

“Rick, hey, it’s Justin. I need to speak with Emmett, please.”

“I’ll get him for you, Mr. Taylor.”

“Thanks, Rick.”

“Justin? What’s up sweetie?”

“Em, when are you and Max going to Chicago?”

“We’re leaving the day after tomorrow, why?”

“I’m thinking of joining you guys, not to see his parents, but I have some business to attend to there and I thought I may as well fly out with you for company.”

“That sounds great sweetie! Do you want us to make reservations at the hotel we’re staying at?”

“That’d be great Em, which hotel is it?”

“The Peninsula. Max says it’s amazing and it’s right off the Magnificent Mile where I plan on shopping till I drop,” Emmett said excitedly.

“Yeah, it’s a great hotel. I’ve stayed there before; go ahead and make a reservation for me, if you don’t mind. I’d do it myself but I’ve got several things to attend to before we go, and I’m running out of time,” Justin said quickly.

“Is everything okay, Justin?” Emmett asked, concerned.

“Fine Em, everything is just fine,” Justin replied hurriedly.

He hung up and made his way into the bedroom, removing his clothes as he went, leaving them exactly where they dropped. Brian had left for work several hours ago and he barely had enough time to grab a quick shower and change before he had to go downtown to meet up with Jennifer. He’d probably get flak about leaving such a mess but hopefully, Lorayna would pick up for him before Brian got home. He needed to get downtown, have his meeting with his mother and keep the appointment he had with the Master out in Natrona Heights at four o’clock. Hopefully, he would be able to do it all without a hitch.

He sought out Max before leaving the house to ask him a question.
He found him in the pantry, listing supplies and adding items to his grocery list. He wanted to make sure everything was in stock before he left for Chicago.

“Hey, Max,” Justin said, poking his head into the pantry.

“What’s up Mr. J?”

“This uncle of yours, the one your dad wants you to see for the pre-nup?”

“Yeah, Uncle Dennis. What about him?” Max asked.

“What kind of lawyer is he?”

“Family law and real estate. Mostly stuff like that, from what I can remember,” Max replied.

“Good,” Justin said. “Could you make an appointment for me? I’m sure he’s completely booked and the only way I’ll get to see him on such short notice is if you do it. Would you ask him if he would be willing to meet with me on Wednesday afternoon? I’m flying out there with you guys.”

Surprised, Max said he would call right away. “I’m sure it won’t be a problem, Mr. J.”

“Oh, and Max,” Justin said. “Keep this between us, okay?”

“No problem,” Max replied, wondering what the hell was going on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daphne picked up the phone after seeing that it was Justin on her caller ID. She had just finished with her last patient for the morning and was getting ready to break for lunch.

“Daphe?”

“Hey, what’s going on,” she replied.

“Not much. I, umm, just called to tell you I’m going to go away for a couple of days. Some business I have to attend to in Chicago.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” she replied. “Is Brian going too? Should I tell Alex so he can find another partner for racquetball?

“No, he’s not coming. Just me,” Justin answered.

“Okay,” Daphne said slowly, drawing out the word. “Is anything the matter, Justin? Why are you telling me this?”

“No, nothing is the matter. I just thought you should know. I won’t be available for a few days, to talk that is,” he said quickly.

“You’re going to Chicago, Justin, not the moon. I’m sure I could reach you on your cell if I needed you.”

“No,” he answered abruptly. “You will not be able to reach me, that’s why I’m calling.”

“Okay,” she said again. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine, Daphne. Better than I’ve been in a long time,” he replied. “I’ll call you as soon as I get back.”

“Okay,” she said. “Have a safe trip, Justin.”

“Thanks, take care Daphe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That evening after dinner Brian and Justin decided to call it an early evening. They left Gus and Austin in front of the TV and made their way upstairs to their bedroom.

Brian could tell that Justin was preoccupied. He had joined them half- way through the meal, barely touching his food because he had come in late from Natrona Heights, looking harried and tired.

As soon as they got in the room, Brian grabbed him and pulled him into an embrace.

“Are you okay,” he asked, pushing back Justin’s hair and kissing him on his forehead.

“I’m tired, that’s all. It’s been a long and very emotional day.”

“Oh?”

“I went to see my mother, we had lunch; and then I went out to the Monastery. It’s just been a really long day Brian,” Justin said again, avoiding Brian’s eyes and moving away from him.

Brian watched as Justin pretended to tidy up and keep busy. He knew Justin was just biding his time, trying to decide whether he should say anything tonight or postpone whatever he was wrestling with in his pretty blond head.

Brian sat back and lit a cigarette. He leaned his head up against the headboard and waited. This was long overdue, he knew that. Justin had not said one word about Daphne and her request for many weeks; ever since they had their little chat in this very same room. He knew something had happened to bring this all about finally. It seemed as if Justin had made a decision and was gearing up to tell him, not sure how it would be received. He continued to smoke, waiting for Justin to speak, aware that rushing him was never a good thing.

“Brian?” Justin said finally, looking at him with azure eyes shinning brightly.

Brian’s heart thudded when he saw that look. He had seen it a few times in their relationship, each time during a crisis.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” Justin started.

Fuck!

“About?”

“Our lives and Gus and Daphne,” Justin answered.

Double Fuck!

“And?”

“I’ve made some decisions, Brian. I hope that you can live with them,” Justin said as a tear spilled over and rolled down his cheek.

TBC
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