Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

This time sitting in the dark movie theater, Brian could sense that there was something just a little bit different about the young man he was sitting beside. He wasn't quite sure what it was and briefly wondered if his own feelings were projecting themselves in his perception of the blond.

Tonight had been a revelation - Brian had no idea that Justin would have preformed as well as he had. Emmett had told him that Justin would surprise him and he certainly had. For a fleeting moment Brian wondered if Emmett had placed a ‘ringer' in the audience to boost the young man's self-esteem, but then he remembered the times he'd witnessed Justin's ‘slave' in a position of dominance. He'd never seen him as anything but dominant. Brian glanced over at the blond and wondered what it was about him that mesmerized the whole audience.

For that matter, what was it about Justin Taylor that had him, Brian Kinney, the master trainer for the Quoin, ready to be his slave? It was a question Brian had been wrestling with for a number of weeks now. He found himself daydreaming about the boy more often than not. And how many hours of senseless movies had he sat through and shared with Justin? If any of the members of the Quoin ever discovered that little secret, he'd be a laughing stock throughout the world - or would he be pitied?

The credits began to roll. Brian couldn't remember a single moment of the film and he was surprised when the house lights went on, they never had before, but he'd never been in the theater this late before.

"Well Sunshine, I guess it's time for bed." Brian bantered.

Justin's head was turned slightly away from the handsome man. He didn't want to take a chance that Brian would see his whole face. He didn't want the smiling banter they shared to turn to piteous words that meant nothing. "It is late Brian. It was nice of you to join me tonight. I don't remember you coming here this late before."

"I haven't been here this late before." Brian stood up. "Are you coming?"

"No, I'll sit here for a few minutes, I like to talk to Jessica, she cleans up the theatre."

"We could go to the diner on the corner; I'll buy you a late dinner." Brian offered.

The thought of being under the bright lights of the diner with Brian, being scrutinized almost terrified Justin and he shook his head, still not looking directly at the puzzled man. "No Jessica would expect me to stay." His words were soft with only a hint of regret.

"Maybe another time." Brian moved out into the aisle. "Later Sunshine" and he turned to walk away.

When Brian's footsteps began to fade, Justin turned to watch him leave while a familiar emptiness filled his body. The only time he'd felt full of life had been earlier in the Quoin during his performance. He treasured the memory of that half an hour. Having Brian sit beside him in the theater had come close, but it wasn't the same.

The theater was close to empty and Brian stood for a moment in the lobby when he noticed a woman in her fifties pulling a janitor's cart out of a closet. He walked over to her. "Are you Jessica?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Justin is still in the theater." He stated, though he didn't know why and felt foolish as the words left his mouth.

"He usually stays when he watches a late movie. It's nice for me to have the company. Working nights I don't get to talk to people often." She continued to load her cart.

"I wanted him to join me for a late supper." Brian tried not sound petulant, though he was sure that's the way it came out.

"Oh, you must be Brian. Justin has told me about you. He has a little crush on you I think." She gave a small laugh. "He won't go out with you, you know. It's because of his face. He'll be afraid that once you see it, you'll never come back."

"There's nothing wrong with his face." Brian sounded positive. "What are you talking about?"

"His face, the scar." It was Jessica's turn to look puzzled at Brian.

"You know, I never even thought of that. I don't see a scar when I look at him. I see a beautiful and bright young man full of promise." Brian shook his head.

"So you know about his scar?"

"Certainly, I've seen the boy on the street." Was Brian's answer. Without another word he turned and left the theater.

************

"Oh my," was all Emmett could say when he walked down the stairs at five o'clock the next evening. "Oh my." He surveyed the large foyer that opened up into the grand salon where the evening's entertainment always took place. There were dozens of bouquets of flowers, from the exotic to delicate bundles of violets. They were everywhere along with a pile of small boxes in various shades of elegant gift wrap. Some of the boys dressed in casual clothing, for it wasn't time to don their evening personas, were walking around reading the gift tags on the flowers and the boxes.

"They're all for BluJu" volunteered Timmi and he grinned at Emmett. "It seems our BluJu has already established quite the little following."

"After only one night?" even Emmett was amazed.

"Well, it was Mr. L who became his slave." Chad laughed when he said this. "The sky didn't fall in or anything."

"They all just want a piece of virginal blond boy ass." Michael said, he was walking in from the kitchen sipping a cup of coffee. "He's a virgin about as much as I am." He snorted.

"Now, honey you don't know that." Emmett had been the one who had listened to tearful accounts of Justin's times on the streets of Miami and his foster home in Pittsburgh. He would never betray the boy's confidences.

"Well he can't keep this stuff." Michael declared. "It wouldn't be right."

"I suppose the next time you receive a tip for your services or a gift, you'll see to it that it's returned." Emmett's voice was mildly chastising.

"It isn't the same."

"But it is Michael dear. BluJu has been fortunate enough to catch the eye and hearts of many of our clients. He received no compensation for last night. It was on the house for dear Mr.L, an opening night special if you will. BluJu can consider this." And he waved his arm to indicate the gifts and flowers. "Pay for his excellent performance."

"Yeah, Michael, we all benefited from BluJu's show - I know my tips were pretty good last night." Tommi and Timmi both nodded after Tommi's words. "I'm sure you didn't do too badly either, I saw you leaving with Mr. N." It was a policy of the Quoin to never mention surnames of any of the clients, yet Emmett liked to hold the clients in respect so he had adopted the policy of initials only when referring to them.

Michael had to admit he'd been pleasantly surprised at the money he'd received, but he hated to admit it to any of them so instead he hummppped and walked back to the kitchen.

"What's all this stuff?" Justin had wandered down the stairs. His eyes began to water almost immediately and soon he was sneezing violently.

"Oh dear, you must be allergic to all this floral abundance." Emmett waved to the boys who began to remove the flowers to the screened in back porch by the kitchen.

When the room had cleared and Justin had stopped sneezing, though his eyes remained red along with his nose, Emmett said. "They were all for you."

"No shit." Justin's eyes got wide.

"I'll have the cards brought to your room later. You can read the sentiments of your admirers." Emmett indicated the small pile of wrapped gifts. "Those are yours too; I trust you won't have an allergic reaction to what's in the boxes."

"Presents for me?" Justin pulled the boxes onto his lap and began to unwrap them. The first box held one rather elaborate gold ring split on one side. "What's this?" Justin held the ring up in the air and looked it over.

“It’s a ring for your nipple or perhaps that luscious belly button of yours.”

“I always wanted to get my nipple pierced.” Justin admitted.

“Well, here’s your chance to have it done and wear nothing but the best in the piercing.” Emmett smiled. “What else do you have there?”

“Another ring, only this one is a bit different.” He held it up to show Emmett. “For my belly button?” he questioned.

Emmett nodded. “That would work.” His breath caught when the next box revealed a gold ankle bracelet.

When they were done with the parcels, Justin’s hands could barely hold the golden jewelry that he’d received. “I can’t believe this Auntie Em; I’ve never had stuff like this before.”

“Well, you do now.” Emmett patted his hand. “I’ve decided, after seeing the results of last night’s debut, to only have you perform twice a week.” He paused and thought for a moment. “How about on Wednesday’s and Saturdays, that way we will give you an air of mystery and you will be much in demand.”

“I don’t want to take away the clients from the other guys.” Justin’s head went down. “They might get mad at me, especially after all this.” He held the golden jewelry and stared into it’s depths as if looking for answers to some unasked question.

“You let me worry about that BluJu” Emmett patted his hand. “Now what do you have planned for this evening while we all work.”

Justin looked abashed. “I guess I’ll go to bed early. I was too keyed up to sleep even after going to the movies, so I spent the night sketching.”

Emmett laughed. “It must have been an interesting sketch, you should have been exhausted.”

“It was a sketch of me in my costume. It was something I’ll never forget. You have no idea how I felt last night, it was amazing.” Justin’s eyes blazed as he spoke.

But Emmett did have an idea, he could see it in the shining sapphire blue eyes and the glow that Justin had about him. “Maybe you’d let us frame this picture, we could start a collection of BluJu’s personas.”

“No one would want them Auntie Em.” He laughed ruefully and got up from where he was sitting. “I have an idea for Saturday night’s costume, I’m going to go and sketch it out and then I’m going to bed. Say hi to the guys for me.” Justin gathered up the boxes and wrapping paper and ribbon and walked thoughtfully up the stairs.

 

************

 

Never before had there been so much action at the Miami Quoin, Thursday and Friday nights had been packed as men and women flocked to see if they could catch a glimpse of BluJu. Saturday night for the first time in the history of any of the Quoin’s members had to be turned away at the door with the promise of a seat at Wednesday’s performance.

At first Emmett thought of having Justin perform last or even in the middle of the evening. But it became apparent that the audience wanted him immediately. Even the ones with favorites among his boys, refused to choose preferring to wait and see BluJu on the off chance that they would be the lucky slave for the night.

The music was at the perfect level for dancing and the lights were low. The floor was filled with patrons enjoying themselves. When a spot light hit the top of the stairs and a vision of beauty stepped down revealing BluJu in drag. He stood tall and slender in a rippling black velvet dress the clung to his body like a second skin. The black velvet was covered in sprays of burn outs letting the white of his flesh below show through in tantalizing morsels. He was wearing stiletto heeled sandals, with fine leather straps crossing his feet. A glimpse of gold on his ankle from a bracelet, elbow length black leather gloves encased his hands. His hair had been severely pulled back and on his head was a headdress of black feathers that added another foot of height to his stature and swept across his face that once again was encased in an emotionless mask, this time the latex was half black and half white, his lips a scarlet slash of lushness that begged to be kissed. His eyes flashed fire in their blueness and were filled with laughter at the delight of being among all of them.

No one had been expecting this. To be in drag wasn’t unheard of, but it was unusual here in this particular Quoin. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, with the sultry notes of the song Black Velvet playing in the background, he flicked his wrist and it was only then that the black cat o’nine tails made from satin ribbons was noticed. The perfume he wore filled the air with the scent of Organza by Ginvenchy. Men who never before had considered anyone in drag were hard as rocks as he walked past them.

Mr. L. from his Wednesday evening performance dared to touch BluJu’s arm in supplication, hoping he’d be chosen again. But BluJu’s soft voice was heard. “Sorry, but I only have you once.” He continued walking until he reached the stage. The music became fore insistent and BluJu lost himself in it for a few moments, his body shifting to the sounds from the speakers, when the song ended the room was silent and he looked down at his willing slaves and picked one from the middle of the crowd. The man was ecstatic, you could see it in his eyes, but he obediently dropped to his knees like a good slave. BluJu said a few words to one of the security guards who walked over and took the man into the back to be prepared. The music started again while they were waiting and BluJu once again lost himself in the music, dancing on the stage mesmerizing his audience.

Soon the slave returned clad in a black harness and dog collar, he moved across the stage on his knees, a hush fell over the room as they watched BluJu expertly take the man beyond reason between pleasure and pain with his skillful use of ribbon, silk scarves, feathers and the burning pleasure of hot candle wax. Like a black panther BluJu played with his prey until finally, knowing his slave had reached his peak of tolerance, he allowed him release. This time BluJu threw a flash bomb on the stage and while everyone was startled he disappeared behind the curtain and through the hidden door while their attention was on the flash.

Emmett was waiting for him when he reached his room. “I certainly wasn’t expecting drag Justin.” He said. “You should have said something.”

“They liked it didn’t they?” Justin covered the tall mirror before removing his costume. He ignored Emmett’s presence.

Emmett had walked over to the desk where Justin’s sketch books lay. He looked through the largest one, startled to see the degree of talent the boy had. He would want to leave the Quoin if he knew what he could do with his art. “Not bad.” Emmett said and he threw the book down as if it wasn’t of any consequence. “But don’t give up your night job.” He gave a half laugh. Already with only two performances under his belt, Justin had made the Quoin’s profit margin for the month. A year or two and they would be the best and receive international recognition. “I’m sorry sugar, but with your face --- He let the words trail off. “I really am pleased that you are able to earn a living here right now. Because away from our protection, well, sugar, it’s a tough world out there as you know.” He took out two hundred dollar bills from his wallet. “Here’s your share from your slave tonight.”

“Wow, two hundred bucks.” Justin looked at the money. He handed one back to Emmett. “You should take half Auntie Em; I owe you so much for the past months. You’ve paid for everything and my chores around here don’t come to all that you’ve spent on me.”

Emmett hesitated for a moment. Brian had actually covered all of Justin’s expenses since the day he’d arrived. But, Teddy, his boyfriend would be proud of him for getting Justin to perform for only a hundred dollars, when the slave had paid almost two thousand for the privilege of being publicly humiliated. “If you insist Justin, but maybe, just so I don’t feel bad, you can leave your chores on the day after each performance. A little treat from me. I can have one of the others do them.”

“Thanks Auntie Em, but I don’t want the boys mad at me. You’re like family, the only family I have. I’ll do my chores.” By now Justin had removed all of his costume and makeup. “I’m going to have a shower now Auntie Em. I hope the rest of the night goes alright.”

“I’m sure it will dear.” Emmett turned and left the room. Justin went over and locked the door behind him before taking a quick shower. After his shower he tried to settle down with his sketch pad, but just couldn’t with the beat of the music from downstairs drifting up to his room. So once again he ran out the back stairs and headed for his favorite movie theatre.

 

************

 

Brian had watched Justin’s performance in fascination. The boy made an amazing woman. He had them all believing in their ultimate fantasy of bitch woman from hell, all softly sweet and beautiful, but a wild beast when challenged. The screams of pleasure pain from the slave had more than one guy shooting his load in their pants. The Miami drycleaners would be making out rather well tomorrow he thought.

When Emmett had come out of the boy’s room, Brian was tempted to ask him what Justin was doing for the rest of the evening, but he resisted. He didn’t want Emmett to know how much his interest in Justin Taylor had changed from protective guardian, to perhaps something more. Taking a chance Brian left the building and made his way to the movie theater. Instead of buying a ticket and going inside, he waited in front of the theater for Justin to appear. It wasn’t a long wait. He could see the boy strutting down the street, a far cry from his previous downtrodden slump. He had a sketchbook in his hands, which was strange Brian thought as he watched him approach the ticket booth.

“Justin” Brian called before the blond could buy a ticket.

Justin turned; startled that someone would call him. He flushed when he realized it was Brian and he was only a few feet away. “Umm hi” he said and lowered his head turning the bad side away automatically.

“Do you want to take me up on that late supper tonight?” Brian asked as he moved closer.

Justin stepped back a step, his back was to the wall of the theater. “I, uh, I – he began. ‘shit, fuck, fuck,’ he thought.

“What’s the problem Sunshine?” Brian asked and he put his hand under Justin’s chin and turned his face toward him. “I’m sure you’re hungry, boys your age usually are.”

Justin tried not to flinch under Brian’s touch, but he didn’t succeed. His face flushed with color and then drained white, leaving only the slash of red on his white cheek. He tried to pull away, but Brian held fast. “Leave, me alone.” He mumbled.

“Justin, Sunshine, don’t pull away.” Brian’s voice was soothing. “Let’s get something out of the way right now.” He turned Justin back so he was facing him. “Yes, you have a bitch of a scar on your face. Yes, it looks like shit. No I don’t give a fuck. No I don’t pity you. Pity makes my dick soft. Yes I think you’re beautiful, scar and all. Yes I want to kiss you and I’m hoping that you might feel the same.”

Justin laughed, but his body relaxed. “You’re full of shit Brian.” And his face broke out in the smile that had won Brian’s heart the first time he’d seen it in a darkened movie theatre and earned Justin his nickname.

Brian pretended he was hurt. “I’m truly sorry you feel that way. But a man has to be able to explain himself to a friend. You are a friend aren’t you Justin? We have watched almost every ‘B’ movie ever produced together. That has to count for something.” He linked his arm in Justin’s. “How about some dinner, I’m starved.”

“I think you’re nuts Brian, but okay, I’m kind of hungry for more than two chocolate bars and some buttered popcorn.” He giggled. “This is sort of like a date. I’ve never gone out for supper with anyone before.”

“It is kind of like a date.” Brian agreed. “Though if it was a real date I would have picked you up at your home, not met you in front of the movie theater.”

Justin’s face fell. “I don’t really have a home. I mean I don’t live on the streets or anything, but I really only have a room.”

“At least you’re safe aren’t you?” Brian asked knowing the answer. “From predators like me who pick up little boys at the movies.”

“Asshole, I’m eighteen, not eight and if I didn’t want to be with you I wouldn’t and if I hadn’t wanted to sit with you for the past year or so, I wouldn’t have. If you’re some kind of pervert, you’re a very slow moving one. You could have made your move months ago.” Justin laughed. “Did I mention I was eighteen and the only sex I have is with my right hand.”

“Are you propositioning me?” Brian asked with a smirk.

“I don’t know. Am I?” Justin laughed.

“I think maybe you are.”

“Well, let’s eat first, I’m starved.”

“Oh, have you been working hard?” Brian and Justin were by now walking arm and arm down the busy Miami street heading for a restaurant Brian knew of.

“Sort of “ Justin said. “I kind of perform and it takes tons of prep work and then I do it and get this amazing adrenalin high. I don’t stick around to work it off, but end up here with you.”

“Will you perform for me?” Brian asked.

“No, that’s another person. That person is strong and assertive, very dominant, a take charge kind of person.” Justin shrugged. “You’re with the other me, the me that wants someone to take care of him.” He spoke the last words shyly, not sure if it was something he should have said.

“I think everyone has a little of that person in them.” Brian said. “I’ve never had anyone to treat me that way, I’ve always been the dominant one in any kind of relationship I’ve had, whether it was work or play. I’m not sure if I could be more submissive.”

“It’s not that Brian, it’s not about whose dominant and who’s submissive.” Justin tried to find the words. “I guess everyone wants someone to love them, however they can. Take me for instance. Look at me. I’m far from handsome with this face of mine, I don’t have the education I’d like to have, though I’m working on that. Yet in my job, I’m adored and worshipped by a few and it makes me feel on top of the world. Yet it really isn’t me. I’ll probably never find what I’m searching for.” He shrugged “That’s life I guess, you learn to live with the hand you’re dealt or you fucking die inside.”

Brian was thoughtful. “Until recently, that’s always been my philosophy on life. But things change. You need to keep yourself open for changes.” He opened the door of the restaurant. “I hope you like Italian ‘cause that’s what we have on the menu tonight.”

“Oh, you don’t look Italian.” Justin teased and he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Then he laughed when his handsome almost date flushed.

“You’ve come a long way from that shy boy who sat beside me last year in the dark theatre.” Brian held Justin’s chair for him at the elegantly appointed table.

“Growing up and life does that Brian. It either beats you into the ground or you grow some balls.” He laughed. “I’m only half a ball away from what I was when I first tried to sit on your lap. Maybe we’ll still know each other by the time I grow the pair of them.”

“I think you’re farther along than that Justin.” He paused to consult the menu. “Shall I order for you, do you mind?”

“Go right ahead.” Justin laughed and put down his menu. “I can eat pretty much anything.” He placed his sketchbook on the chair next to him. “Sorry, I ran out without even thinking I had that in my hand.”

“Can I look?” Brian asked.

“It’s just some scribbling – it relaxes me. My boss says not to quit my night job. I think he was trying to tell me they aren’t that great. Maybe I’ll get a scholarship to a University with a good art program. I’d kind of like to work in the art department for an advertising agency or a magazine. I’m going to take this year to save up some money and then apply around the country. There’s this real good school in the city where I used to live. It’s called the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts, I’d like to go there, but you have to be really good to get in and the tuition is pretty heavy.”

“You did take your SATs didn’t you?” Brian asked. He’d forgotten to ask Emmett about that.

“Yeah, that was last year. I didn’t do as well as I would have liked, but my year kind of sucked.”

“Oh, what did you do?”

“I only scored 1500, I was hoping for higher.”

Brian started to laugh “I can certainly see why, only 1500 you say.”

“I know, it’s bad eh?” Justin asked. “To get a really good scholarship, I think you should score higher.”

“Justin, I think with a score of 1500 you should have no problem getting a scholarship to whatever University you want to attend.”

“Auntie Em says I don’t need to go to University. He says it’s a waste of my time. That with what I do, I can make money right now.”

“It isn’t about the money though.” Brian said and the look on Justin’s face said it all. It wasn’t about the money. Brian picked up the sketch book and began to leaf through it while they waited for their late dinner. His eyes widened when he came upon one of himself. “I guess you didn’t always pay attention to what was on the screen.” He said and he continued to look at the talent displayed on the pages in his hands. At the rear of the book was a series of sketches of Justin’s first costume and a few of his second one. “What are these?” Brian asked.

“Oh, I was just doodling with some costume ideas. It’s all part of my job.” Justin took the book and closed it before putting it back on the chair.

Justin’s hand was fiddling with his silverware; he was nervous being in such a nice restaurant and nervous being alone with Brian, no matter what he’d said about it being a date. He would have felt worse had it actually been a date. He was glad the light was low in the restaurant and that no one was sitting on his right side, so his scar wouldn’t be noticed. He was starting to feel like maybe this wasn’t such a good idea and wondering if he could bolt out the front door. Brian didn’t know where he lived; he could go to the other movie theaters.

As if sensing Justin’s thoughts, Brian moved so he was sitting to Justin’s right. He placed his hand over Justin’s and said quietly. “Justin, it’s all right. If you ran out of here, I’d find you, so don’t even think about it. I want you to enjoy your dinner.”

When Brian’s hand had touched his, he instantly calmed, though he didn’t know why. He sighed heavily. “You can’t sit there, everyone will look at you.”

Brian answered him by transferring the table setting from his previous place across the table to where he was sitting now. “They’ll think, how romantic, two lovers who want to be close.”

“We aren’t lovers.”

“Yet.”

Justin laughed. “I’ve got a confession to make.”

“Really?”

“I’ve never had a lover.”

Brian raised his eyebrows.

“You’d be my first.” Justin chuckled. “It’s not like I don’t know what to do or anything. I’ve just never actually done it.” He paused. “If you knew where I worked, you’d know that there really isn’t much I don’t know about the how’s and why’s, the thing is, I’ve never known anyone well enough to have sex with them. I was always too scared to just do it with some stranger. If I had I might not look like I do now.” His hand came up and he touched his face.

Brian leaned over and kissed the flawed cheek, his lips like butterfly kisses. He picked up Justin’s hand and held it. Neither one spoke, for the moment was too intensely filled with emotion to speak. The waiter arrived with their dinner, interrupting them and they broke apart almost with relief and began to eat.

Neither one was surprised to find the next hour disappeared quickly. They both talked about general things that affected them and stayed away from the almost taboo topics of their everyday lives. Justin found himself laughing and enjoying himself more than he had in years and Brian took a quiet satisfaction in bringing the laughter to the deep blue eyes. Dinner was over all too soon. It was time to go. Hesitating for a moment Brian asked. “Where are you going now?”

“No place special.” Justin answered and laughed at the seriousness in Brian’s tone of voice.

“I can change that.” Brian’s voice was now sultry and smooth and this made Justin smile as well.

“I bet you can.” He replied. “What did you have in mind?”

“We could go to my place. I have an apartment here in Miami because I’m in town so often. I live up north most of the time.”

“Brian, if I go to your apartment, it would only be for a drink, nothing more.”

“You are in charge Justin. I would never expect otherwise.”

Justin beamed at him. “I’d like to see where you live.”

Brian stood and offered his hand. “It isn’t much; you’d like my home in Pittsburgh better.”

“Pittsburgh? Then you know about PIFA.” Justin said. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I don’t know much about it Justin. I attended a different University.”

“Still, it would be cool just to be in the same city.”

“I’ve never noticed.” Brian’s voice was dry and he tried not to laugh at the enthusiasm pouring from the blond.

“The next time you’re there, drive by, and you can think ‘someday Justin Taylor will be there.’”

Now Brian laughed, they’d been walking down the busy street hand in hand. He stopped. “This is my car.” Brian bent and unlocked the doors of the sleek Corvette. Justin was surprised at the age of the car, but he got in. The smell of well maintained leather on the inside combined with the scent of Brian’s cologne was a heady fragrance for the young man to enjoy. Combined with the evening’s triumph at the Quoin and his first ‘almost’ date, Justin didn’t think he’d ever been more content. Until Brian turned to him and said. “You know Justin, taking you to my home here in Miami is a big step for me. I rarely have anyone there. I like to maintain my privacy.”

“Brian, I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything. But much as I want you, and believe me I do. I want it to mean something. All I’ve seen of sex since I first became aware of it - was meaningless. Auntie Em says that’s the way it is for almost all guys. Sex is a form of relaxation. I don’t see it that way, I mean not for me. I know I could pleasure you, but I’m not sure if I could emotionally handle a quick fuck by you or anyone. It’s different for me.”

Brian looked at Justin and could see that he really believed what he was saying. “Justin, let me get this clear - you’re telling me that you could – say give me a hand job – or a blow job and that would be fine for you. But to do anything else, let me penetrate you or you penetrate me – that involves an emotion you aren’t sure you can handle.”

“Something like that Brian, I want to make love not have sex.”

“We aren’t a couple of dykes Justin or some hetero couple on a date where each one professes to love the other. We’re fags and fags fuck. It’s what we are and who we are, we are ruled by our cocks, everything else just cuts into our fucking time.”

Justin looked sad. “I’m not like that Brian.” He sighed. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, getting to know you better. Why don’t you drop me off at the next corner and I’ll take a bus home. Maybe I don’t have enough ‘queer’ genes or something.” He looked out the window. ‘Or maybe I just want to be loved and to love someone back.’ Justin thought to himself.

“I’m not going to drop you off in Miami in the middle of the damn night on some street corner Justin. I can take you home or you can come with me to my place and we’ll have beer and just talk. I’ll even let you sketch me.”

Justin smiled. “Very generous of you Brian.”

“Staying still for an hour or so is more than generous Sunshine.” Brian continued to drive. “You know Justin; the idea of the virginal bride has long been a myth.”

“Maybe I’ll never be a ‘bride’ Brian. And maybe you’re right about queers. But for now, until I give up my search, I stick to what I can handle emotionally.”

“I’ll be waiting when you’re ready.”

“It wouldn’t hurt for you to find yourself someone to love Brian; it’s not an unheard of concept.”

“I’m too selfish and unfeeling to bring someone into my life Justin.

“That isn’t true and you’d know it if you stopped and thought about it. I’m here aren’t I. You brought me into your life.” Justin smiled in satisfaction, knowing he was right no matter what the older man might think.

 

************

 

The dawn was breaking over Miami and Emmett paced the balcony outside of his room, hoping that Justin would return soon. In the six months since he’d been performing as BluJu, Justin had more than doubled the take of the Quoin. But last night after his performance, Michael had let slip to the young blonde that he was being ripped off by Emmett. He told Justin that he should be getting at least forty percent of his price and that was now almost a thousand dollars for Justin not the hundred he’d been receiving.

When Justin confronted Emmett he’d been livid. Emmett shut his eyes and remembered the blond’s words. “How could you do that to me Auntie Em? You know I’m saving for living expense money. I’ve been accepted into all three of the Universities I applied to and I received scholarship offers from all of them. It’s my life.”

“But Justin, you don’t need to go to school. You have your high school diploma, that’s all you need. And your pretty pictures bring you in a few dollars. All your living expenses are already looked after. You have a nice home here.” Emmett looked around wildly. He didn’t want Justin to leave. He needed the money he was bringing in.

“I don’t have a home here. I have a place to live. I work here and I have a place to live. The boys are okay, but they’re all jealous of the money I bring in. How long did you think it was going to take before someone told me?” Justin shook his head as he ripped off tonight’s costume. “I feel like all of you were laughing at me, the naïve street kid who hasn’t a fucking clue.”

“That’s not true.” Emmett defended himself and the others.

“No, well how long were you going to keep me believing that my art is just so much shit?” Justin waved a piece of paper at Emmett. “I was accepted at PIFA, do you have any idea of the competition I was up against to get one of the few seats offered? One hell of a lot of competition, they think I do have talent and that I could make a living at it someday.” Justin grabbed his jacket and started to head out the door. He was going to go over to Brian’s and talk to him about this. Brian had given him a key to the apartment last month so he didn’t have to wait for him in the lobby late at night.

“Justin wait, we can talk about it. I can increase your pay.”

“Keep it Auntie Em. If the money meant so much to you before, you just fucking keep it.” And the door to his room slammed. Justin shut his eyes for a moment and then plunged down the stairs.

Justin was lucky and caught the bus just as it was leaving the corner. He couldn’t believe what he’d found out. It had been a combination of a recruiter from another Quoin wanting Justin to move, combined with jealousy on Michael’s part that had brought up the subject of how much money was made during each of his performances. And performances they were. He’d never appeared twice in the same costume and mask and he’d never taken as a slave for the evening anyone he’d already had. A mystery had developed around him and his tips and gifts were amazing as one after another tried to woo him over.

The bus let him off half a block away from Brian’s apartment building. Justin took the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. He put his key in the lock and opened the door, not trying to be quiet, but as always unsure of his reception. Brian had his back to him and was talking on the phone. “I don’t know where he is Emmett. Of course, if Justin comes here I’ll call you.” There was silence while Brian listened. “If that’s all you were giving him then yes you were ripping him off and you deserve what you get. Justin didn’t owe you a damn thing. I’ve paid all of his expenses and you know it. Perhaps I should have an accounting of those, but I damn sure am not getting your buddy Ted Schmidt to do it.”

More silence. “Fuck you Emmett.” And he slammed the phone down and turned around. Brian was startled to see Justin standing there. “How long have you been there Justin?” he asked.

“Long enough to know you’ve been lying to me for the past two years.” Justin’s voice was quiet.

“I’ve never lied to you.”

“By not telling me things, you were lying Brian, I’m not stupid.”

Brian walked over to him and placed his arms around Justin pulling him close. “I’m sorry Sunshine, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Justin held his body stiff while he thought about the events the night had brought to him. He barely heard Brian’s words as he whispered ‘sweet nothings’ into his ear and led him to the wide sofa. Justin’s mind was closing off and he was once again back in protective mode. Making a decision, he began to remove his clothing. In all the months he’d been going to Brian’s apartment, they had never had sex of any kind. It had been a relationship of two adult males learning about one another. Obviously Brian had been full of shit.

Well if that’s the way Brian wanted it, he could have it. Justin knew that Brian had feelings for him He could see it in the man’s eyes and in the way he was when they were together.

The next hour was a whirlwind of sexual energy. Justin had begun by crushing his lips against Brian’s and using all of his skills that he’d learned at the Quoin, he slowly but surely took the man’s soul along with his heart. Within seconds both of their clothing was removed and Brian, thinking back, wasn’t sure when the tables turned and trainer became slave. He’d prided himself on his abilities to train even the most reluctant of slave, the greenest, the ones who had no idea of what they wanted and the ones who were sure they knew everything. All of them became his willingly and none of them regretted the experience. Yet here he was with Justin finding himself begging the blond for release. It wasn’t the way things were supposed to be. Yet he needed to feel Justin’s lips, craved the touch of his hand, desired to hear the whispered words of love, and pleaded to have the boy’s thick cock buried in his ass.

Brian lay back on the soft leather of the sofa, now warmed by the heat of two bodies. His eyes were shut and his breathing steady. Justin rose and dressed quietly before slipping out the door leaving the older man sleeping. He looked back only once before the door shut, he could have loved him, he could have been happy with the tall auburn haired man who made his heart sing. Instead all he felt was nothing. Nothing at all, the emptiness that had filled his body for so many years had returned, and this time it wrapped itself around his frozen heart.

Justin walked the many blocks home through the heart of Miami. No one bothered him, the set of his body and the fierceness of his face kept even the worst of Miami’s predators away from him. He needed the time to think, to plan what he would do next. No more was the scared sixteen year old huddled in the back of someone’s truck. He had the scars to prove that he was a man to be reckoned with though most were buried deep inside.

Seeing Emmett pacing on his balcony, Justin slipped around to the back of the house where he quickly and quietly made his way to his room. He made his way to the storage closet at the end of the hallway and selected the largest piece of luggage there that had wheels. Back in his room, Justin carefully packed his belongings. He had purchased a soft chamois bag more than a month ago and he dumped all of his jewelry into it, not caring if the chains became tangled. The bag was filled almost to the brim, so lucrative were his gifts in the last six months. The bag he placed deep inside his favorite boots. He took all of his sketch books and the art portfolio that held his series of watercolors of BluJu in all of his costumes, fifty three different personas in all, a formidable display of both of his talents. The rest of the bag he filled with his favorite clothing and any personal items that had left. Unable to resist one last thing he placed it in the bag before he changed his mind. The heavy claret colored silk shirt that still smelled of Brian that he’d worn home this morning when he had found his own shirt had been torn, a reminder to never trust warm hazel eyes and soft words.

Almost two years to the day, Justin Taylor vanished from the stately Miami mansion where he’d been taken in. He left behind the ghost of his smile and the sensual touch of BluJu. He also left behind, high in an apartment on the other side of the city, a man whose formerly untouchable heart had sustained him well for years, replaced now with a heart that had briefly known love freely given and found himself craving more of the same. You never know how much you need something, until you throw it away. Brian had discovered, much to his regret, how true these words were.

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