Midnight Whispers
QAF Brian and Justin Fanfiction

Justin opened his eyes and looked at the ringing alarm clock on Brian’s end table. Rubbing his eyes and turning it off, he forced himself out of bed. He felt worse than he did before he made himself obey Brian’s rules and sleep in a real bed. At least he felt cleaner. He was almost ashamed to admit just how much he missed the perfect pressure and heat of Brian’s shower. His own always went cold within a couple minutes all while the pressure flickered back and forth from a trickle to a painful blast.

 

He walked over to the closet and pulled out Brian’s suitcase. It was strange packing for the man. He had never done it when they were together, but he would have a general idea of what to put in a bag for him. His best clothes, condoms, one or two sex toys, a book or a couple of magazines if Brian was going on a plane, the basics.

 

But Brian wasn’t going to Ibiza or Mexico or fucking Vermont. He was stuck in a hospital bed, and probably would be for about a week. Brian needed something to do. But word searches, crosswords, sudoku, reading a book or the newspaper, watching a goddamn movie...all of that required sight. He supposed Brian could listen to one of his Marlon Brando movies. For some reason though, Justin felt like it would just get him more depressed.

 

He found a few books Brian might like. Some CDs and his personal CD player. He could get his mom to check out some audiobooks at the library later today. If that wasn’t enough, he would call Daphne and ask her to do some research on what else Brian could do to help time pass or for recreation. Because, past what he had packed now, Justin was stumped.

 

He would learn though. Brian would lack for nothing. Justin would make sure of it.

--------

Justin handed the taxi driver a twenty, before stepping out onto the curb in front of the hospital.

 

“I hope your friend is okay!” the man yelled out the taxi window, “Bad times we live in, bad times.”

 

Thanks, Quentin,” Justin nodded, before watching him drive off.

 

Sighing and preparing himself to go back in and sit with Brian and his swinging moods, Justin turned around to find someone standing right in front of him.

 

“Lindsay!” Justin exclaimed, startled, “...Hey. You leaving or going in?”

 

“Going in,” Lindsay replied quietly, “I’ve...I’ve been standing out here for a while. It’s harder to go in than I thought it would be.”

 

Justin glanced up at the building and nodded.

 

“I get it,” he returned, understanding, “It’s hard to go in when...with what happened last night...there’s so many people and it fucking sucks but it’s…”

 

“Brian,” Lindsay finished, slowly raising her gaze to the dimming and cloudy sky, “And Michael. They’re...They’re my kids’ dads, you know?”

 

“I know,” Justin murmured, putting a hand on her shoulder, “It’s why we need to be there. It’ll remind them that they need to get better, right?”

 

Lindsay let out a humorless chuckle, “Right.”

 

The two blondes walked together through the hospital doors, arm in arm.

 

Lindsay decided to follow him to Brian’s room, which Justin wasn’t surprised by. She was closer to Brian after all and, last Justin saw, Debbie couldn’t stand to be away from her son for more than a few minutes so, with Ben in the picture and sure as hell not leaving Michael’s side, the two person maximum was usually filled when any of them had passed by.

 

“Here’s his room,” Justin told her, before pausing, “He...sometimes he acts okay...well, as okay as he can be. But his mood swings...they’re bad. Just don’t take anything personally. He could get vicious, he could start panicking, he’s going through something worse than most of us can-”

 

“I know,” Lindsay interrupted, “I won’t take anything personally.”

 

Justin nodded, glad that she understood, before opening the hospital room door.

 

First thing Justin noticed is how much closer his mother is sitting next to Brian than she was earlier, and that just made him wonder what had been said, if Brian raged or cried or had gotten panicked. But, at that moment, he looked okay.

 

“He’s tired,” his mother murmured, in her soft voice, one that Justin always had heard as a kid when he was sick or sad or hurt. He watched silently as his mother ran her fingers through Brian’s hair, before letting out a sigh, “I hope you got him a few things to get him to take his mind off of all this.”

 

Before Justin can answer, Brian grunted out, “Yeah, good luck with that.”

 

“Brian?” Justin asked cautiously, coming over to the bed to take the man’s hand, “Lindsay’s here to see you.”

 

Brian let out a humorless laugh, “Yeah? If I’d had known, I would have gotten all dressed up.”

 

“You do clean up really nice,” Lindsay answers, her voice wobbling, “But I’ll forgive you this time.”

 

Brian hums a little at that, kicking a little at his blanket as if he’s uncomfortable.

 

“You need something?” Justin asks, squeezing his hand, “You too hot or do you need to go the bathroom?”

 

“I’m fine,” Brian growls, “I could take the damn blanket off myself if you would just take these fucking straps off of me.

 

“...That’s not my call, Brian,” Justin sighs.

 

“Fuck if it isn’t. Just undo them.”

 

Justin closes his eyes for a moment, making sure he has enough patience to answer.

 

“The nurse has to give the okay. I’ll press your button to call her.”

 

Brian turned his head, as if he refused to look at Justin, “Forget it.”

 

A moment passed, filled with an awkward silence, before Lindsay cleared her throat.

 

“Gus has been asking about you,” she rasped out as she walked a few steps closer to put a hand on his ankle.

 

Brian bit his lip at that, “Yeah?”

 

Lindsay nodded, before catching herself, “Yeah, he misses you.”

 

“What have you told him?”

 

“Not much,” she sighed, “But he does know you and Michael are in the hospital and that someone tried to hurt a lot of people. He...he wants to see you.”

 

Brian breathed out through his teeth, before gritting out, “Probably best if he doesn’t. I’m fucking hideous and frightening. He’d see me and have nightmares.”

 

“Brian, you’re not hideous. Don’t talk like that,” Justin stressed, without meaning to.

 

“Justin, shut the fuck up,” was the only response he got to that.

 

“Well, you know Gus,” Lindsay says lightly, giving Brian a watery smile, “Remember how he was on Halloween? He loved all the scary decorations at the mall. You may be underestimating his courage.”

 

Brian frowned, then let out that laugh again, the one that came from somewhere dark, that let them know that Brian was feeling anything but humored.

 

“Well, I guess that fucking solves it. We’ll bring Gus in and make me into a spectacle.”

 

“Brian, please, I was trying-”

 

But, before Lindsay can finish her sentence, Brian started to pull at his straps again.

 

“Brian. Brian, tell me what you want,” Justin said softly, but urgently.

 

“Well, Sunshine, I decided I need to piss after all. So get me out of these fucking straps!”

 

Justin buzzed the nurse and they waited for several minutes as Brian breathed heavily from his nose, probably stressed out and in pain from his sudden surge of anger.

 

But, when Justin buzzed again due to the fact that no one was fucking coming, he realized why Brian was breathing that way and letting out shuddering breaths as the faint smell of urine started to slowly fill the room.

 

His mother ended up being the one who took off the straps. They both took an arm to help Brian sit up and Justin looked at his mother and said, “I got it from here. I’ll help him.”

 

“I don’t want you to help me!” Brian bit out, face red, as he jerked his arm out of Justin’s grasp.

 

“Justin,” his mother whispered, “He’s embarrassed. I’ll do it. It’s okay.”

 

Then he just watched as his mom helped Brian to his feet, keeping a caring arm around the man’s waist, while she helped him to the bathroom and shut the door.

 

The nurse arrived a minute later. All he could do was shout at her and tell her that Brian needed new sheets. All Lindsay could do was stand there and cry silently.

 

“That...That was one of his mood swings,” Justin finally told her, running a shaky hand down his face, “Sorry you had to see that.”

 

--------

 

Mel placed a sleeping Jenny Rebecca into the Pack ‘n’ Play in the corner of the room before joining Gus on the living room floor as he played happily with his Lego. The carpet was covered in all his little masterpieces.

 

They hadn’t been playing long when the home phone rang.

 

Mel jumped up quickly and reached for the phone so as not to disturb the baby. “Hello?”

 

“Hi, it’s me.”

 

“Is that Mommy?” Gus whispered.

 

Mel nodded her head as she clutched the phone tightly to her ear.

 

“How’s Gus?” Lindsay asked, concern evident in her voice.

 

“He’s doing okay,” she reassured Lindsay. “How’s Michael?” She knew she should probably have asked about Brian first, he was after all Lindsay’s best friend and Gus’ father, but Michael was her friend and JR’s father, who was still a baby, for Christ’s sake. She couldn’t help but have him at the forefront of her mind.

 

Lindsay sighed sadly. “They said the surgery was successful. But he hasn’t woken up yet.”

 

“Shit, did they say when they think that will be?” Mel whispered into the phone. “Are Debbie and Ben with him?”

 

“Waking up seems to be the defining moment on whether or not he’ll be alright but the doctors won’t even give a possible time frame. And yes, they’re with him. Neither of them will leave his side. We’ve tried getting Debbie to go home and rest, but she refused.”

 

“That’s understandable.”

 

“Mama, how’s Daddy? Ask about Daddy,” Gus begged, as he pulled on the bottom of Mel’s t-shirt.

 

Mel ruffled Gus’s hair, “Hold on, buddy. I’ll ask, okay? I just need you to go and sit back down for me, can you do that?”

 

Gus nodded sadly as he went back to his lego on the floor.

 

“Oh, God.” Melanie heard Lindsay softly start to cry and wanted nothing more than to wrap her in her arms. “What are we going to tell him?”

 

Melanie lowered her voice. “What have they said?”

 

“Mama? Did you ask about Daddy yet?” Gus asked quietly, the sadness in his voice made her heart ache. “One second, Linds.”

 

Mel crouched down on the floor. “I’m asking now, okay? How about some hot cocoa?”

 

Gus nodded excitedly.

 

“Babe, I’m back,” Mel said into the phone as she walked into the kitchen and began pouring milk into a saucepan. “Any more news?”

 

“No. He’s...he’s definitely lost the sight in his right eye,” Lindsay sobbed. “And… he… he has very little vision in his left eye, at best. They wont know more until the dressings come off, but it’s not...it’s not looking good. I just...he’s in so much pain, Melanie, and I...”

 

“Shhh, babe, it’s okay. He’s going to be okay.”

 

What a stupid fucking thing to say. It wasn’t okay. None of this was okay.

 

“This is going to break him, Mel, this is going to absolutely fucking crush him. He’s already a wreck. And Gus… what about Gus?”

 

Mel’s hands shook as she poured the warm cocoa into Gus’s favourite mug. “What should we tell him?”

 

“I think,” Lindsay sniffed loudly. “I think we have to be honest with him,”

 

“Do you want me to wait until you get home to tell him?”

 

The sound of Lindsay blowing her nose through the phone was almost deafening. “No… He’s asking about him now, you should tell him… And… I… I don’t think I could handle seeing his face when we tell him.”

 

“I’ll tell him.”

 

“Thank you… I’m going to see if anyone needs anything, and then I’ll come home.”

 

“Drive carefully, okay,” Mel’s voice hitched slightly as she spoke. “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

Mel exhaled loudly as she prepared herself to go into the next room and comfort her son. Breaking the news to him will no doubt be one of the hardest things she'd ever have to do.

 

“Here’s your hot cocoa, sweetheart,” Melanie said as she placed the mug on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa. “Come here.”

 

Gus got up off the floor and climbed into his mama’s open arms.

 

“Is it about Daddy?”

 

Mel nodded and kissed the tip of his nose. “Yes.”

 

“Is he still in the hopstickel?”

 

“Yes. And I need you to listen carefully to mama, okay?”

 

Gus nodded his head. “My ears are open, mama.”

 

Despite everything, Mel couldn’t help but smile. This was going to be harder than she thought. “Your daddy was in an accident and he’s hurt his eyes…”

 

“He’s got an ouchie on his eyes?” Gus asked innocently.

 

“Yes, baby, he does. And because of the ouchie in his eyes…” She took a deep breath. “Your daddy won't be able to see anymore.” She tried to think of ways she could tell him that weren’t so blunt, but there weren’t any. “Do you understand what that means, Gus?”

 

The little boy thought about it for a moment and pouted sadly. “Does that mean he won't be able to see how much I love him anymore?”

 

Mel sighed and held the little boy tight, “He’ll still know, sweetheart. He’ll always know.”

 

--------

 

His mom stayed most of the day, only leaving after Brian settled down from the sedative the doctor administered.

 

“His blood pressure is up,” the doctor had said, right before he injected the IV, “I know it’s hard to keep him calm right now, but we all need to try our best when it comes to keeping him comfortable and content.”

 

“You try that when you’re soaked in your own piss, you fucking asshole!” Brian had yelled, before his body started to forcibly relax against the hospital bed.

 

Justin kept the lights off, thinking it might help Brian sleep better. Not that he could actually see much, with the bandages and his lack of sight, but they had been sensitive to the light before. If he could do anything to keep Brian comfortable, he would do it.

 

Despite his own stress, Justin’s eyes start to drift closed but, just as he’s about to fully fall asleep, he hears Brian’s door crack open and in walked Debbie.

 

He opens his eyes and smiles sadly at the usually vibrant woman in front of him, who looks, just as shit as he feels.

 

“How is he?” She asks quietly, unaware that Brian is out for the count on heavy sedation and couldn't be woken by them no matter how hard they tried.

 

Justin sighed deeply. “Not great,” he admits. “His blood pressure is through the roof, he’s… he’s not handling any of this very well.”

 

“He doesn’t deserve this. Neither of my boys deserve any of this,” Debbie says angrily.

 

Justin stands and wraps his arms around her tightly, which was something they both so desperately needed.

 

“How’s Michael?” he asks softly.

 

“He’s...here. He’s not out of the woods yet, but they think he’ll be okay,” Debbie chokes out the last part. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost him. Shit, Justin, I’m sorry… you don’t need this,” she tries to apologize.

 

“Don’t apologize, Deb,” he breathes into her neck, “Brian would rip me a new one if I didn’t ask how his best friend was doing.”

 

Debbie pulls back, but keeps a tight grasp on Justin’s arms. “Can he see anything?”

 

Justin shook his head. “Not much… they think maybe shadows and light. Nothing substantial.”

 

Debbie walks over and takes Brian’s hand gently in hers.

 

“It’s okay, Deb. He’s sedated. You can’t wake him,” Justin assures her.

 

That’s all it takes and Deb starts to cry. It’s not something Justin has seen before and he isn’t quite sure how to handle it.

 

“You’ll be fine, sweetheart,” Justin hears her whisper. “We’ve got you, okay? We won’t let anything else happen to you. I should have done more to protect you. I really should have. I’m so sorry.”

 

Justin let out a cry - something he realised he’d not done much of but needed.

 

“Oh, fuck, baby. Come here,” Deb says as she opens her arms. “We’ve got to be strong. Our boys need us.”

 

Justin didn’t hesitate as he let himself fall into Debbie’s arms to be held.

 

--------

 

It was almost Gus’s bedtime by the time Lindsay made it home from the hospital.

 

“How is he?” Lindsay asked worriedly as she hung her coat up on the peg by the front door.

 

“Quiet,” Mel explained sadly. “He’s in his room.”

 

“I should go and talk to him.”

 

Mel nodded and opened her arms “Come here first,”

 

Lindsay walked into her arms and allowed herself to be wrapped up in her wife’s comforting embrace. Something she didn’t realize she’d needed.

 

“How was Brian?”

 

“He’s not great,” she sniffed. “He looks… Oh God, Mel, he looks awful. So unlike the Brian I know. He looked so small lying there.”

 

Mel squeezed her tightly. “It’s still early.”

 

“He has these bloody bandages covering his eyes and I’ve never seen him look so pale.”

 

“What about, Jus…”

 

“Mommy?”

 

Lindsay wiped her eyes and ran upstairs at the sound of Gus’s small voice.

 

“Hi, baby,” she smiled at the sight of Gus in his Paw Patrol pyjamas standing at the top of the stairs. “Did you put your jammies on yourself?” she asked, noticing the back to front pyjama shirt.

 

“Uh huh,” he nodded proudly “I got ready for bed all by myself.”

 

“I can see that,” she grinned. “Your shirt is on wrong.”

 

Gus looked down and laughed before pulling his arms out and adjusting his shirt so that the picture on the front was now facing the right way.

 

“How was Daddy?”

 

Lindsay took a deep breath. She knew this conversation would be coming, but she still wasn’t prepared for it. How do you tell your kid that their father’s life has changed forever. That things as he knows it will never be the same.

 

“Daddy is...not very well at the moment, Sweetheart.”

 

Gus’s bottom lip began to tremble. “I drawed him a picture.”

 

Lindsay opened her arms and the little boy walked into them, burying his face in her chest. “He can have cuddle cat if he’s frightened,” he told her innocently. “It makes me feel better when I’m sick.”

 

“That’s a lovely idea,” Lindsay smiled sadly, swallowing the ball in her throat. “I think Daddy would love that.”

 

Gus nodded, a sad smile on his face, before going over to his mother and reaching up, silently asking to be picked up.

 

As Lindsay held her little boy close, he petted her hair and whispered into her ear.

 

“I’m going to make him smile, Mommy. I’m going to make sure he knows that I love him, no matter what."

Chapter End Notes:

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