“NO!!!” Justin screamed as he lurched awake from a nightmare. He was panting, sweating, and his eyes were darting around the room as he tried to find his attacker. Suddenly, hands were on him so he struggled to break free and fight back.

“Calm down, it’s me…Shhh…”

Thank god.  Brian.

He stilled and leaned into Brian’s strong, waiting arms. He bit his bottom lip and shut his eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears at bay, but they fell regardless. He didn’t sob, which he honestly considered a small victory, but he silently cried in Brian’s arms. He wiped at the tears as they fell, and found that only using one hand was almost useless as they seemed to stream from his eyes like a fountain.  So, he resorted to using his crippled one, but it was still curled up in a tight ball.

“I want them to stop…” Justin murmured after he was able to calm down some. He could feel Brian nod above him.

“I know. Me too.” Brian’s voice sounded tired and Justin looked up to see that he was struggling to stay awake. He nervously cleared his throat.

“I should write in that dream journal thing Alex said to do.” He said, wanting to give Brian an opening to go back to sleep.

“Yeah, okay. Take your time. Call me if you need something.” Brian said but only laid down when Justin pushed him back onto the bed. Brian flashed him a bit of a smile. “You don’t have to take care of me, Sunshine.”

“I know.” Was all Justin could think to say in return. Brian spent so much time worrying about him and taking care of him that he felt he deserved a little attention himself. “I’ll go write it down.” He said before moving to slide off of the bed. He paused, however, and slid back in order to offer Brian a soft, chaste kiss on the lips. Then he left the bed, grabbing his notebook as he went.

He walked to the couch because he imagined having to re-live his nightmare was going to be hard and he wanted to be in a place that made him happy. Before starting, he glanced out the windows to the apartments on the other side. He grabbed up the binoculars to see if any of them were still up. He first peered through the Cleaver’s apartment but it was empty. Confused, he moved over to Harold Hill’s to see if June was over with him.

He chuckled as he saw Ward screaming at Harold while June watched. “Looks like he found out. Hypocrite…” He muttered, wondering why the man could be upset when he was having an affair of his own. He shook his head, not interested in watching their relationship end, and turned instead to the middle apartment.

He then gasped and stood up straight.

Fully awake this time, he watched as the two men moved a limp body onto the floor and wrapped it up in a rug. “Oh my god…Oh fuck. Fuck. Brian!” He called out, not tearing his eyes away from the window for fear that he would lose sight of whatever they decided to do. “Brian!!” He called when he was not immediately answered.

“What is it Justin?” Was Brian’s sleepy response.

“Come here!” He was waving his balled up, gimp hand trying to get him to move faster. Even as he watched they picked up the rug and began moving it out of the apartment. “Brian hurry!!”

“Justin…what the fuck is going on?”

Justin could hear him only start to get out of bed and knew he wasn’t going fast enough. He grunted in frustration and dropped the binoculars. He ran to the bedroom, grabbed Brian, and dragged him back to the window. “I saw it! They were hiding a body! He was limp and had these marks all over him! I saw it Brian!”

“Not this again…” Brian rubbed his hand over his forehead and shook his head. “Justin, it’s nothing. It’s just a sex game. We did it ourselves once, remember? I tied you up and-.”

“No!!” Justin actually slammed his foot down. He grabbed the binoculars and forced them into Brian’s hands. “I remember, but that’s not what I saw. He was dead! I know it! He was pale and dead and they wrapped him up like they do in movies and they’re carrying him out! Hurry!”

Brian sighed and turned, making it very obvious that he was just humoring Justin. After looking through the window for a moment he began shaking his head. “There’s nothing going on. The light is off.  Again.”

“No! They already left! We have to call the police to stop them.” Justin started going for the phone but Brian reached out and looped an arm around his middle, stopping him in his tracks.

“Justin, stop. Listen to me, it wasn’t real. This is just like last time. It was…It was in your head.” Justin struggled, determined to call the police, but Brian’s hold was firm and strong.

“It wasn’t like last week. I was sleepy then and you’re right it wasn’t real. But it was real this time. I saw it, Brian. I know what I saw. Please…Please believe me. They killed someone. They did.” Justin spoke as imploringly as he could, looking right up into Brian’s eyes. He knew what he saw and he was determined to make Brian believe him.

Brian looked down at him for a long time, and then turned and grabbed the phone. Justin felt relief fill him and he returned to the window to see if he could see anything else happening.

“Justin, you realize that they are going to come here, right? Into the loft?” Brian reminded and Justin paused, because he hadn’t considered that. He stiffened and his first instinct was to ask Brian to call them back and tell them not to come.

But someone had just been murdered…Surely that was more important than his fears?

Brian knew this was a bad idea. He suspected this was another nightmare, but the look in Justin’s eyes seemed so…sure. He was inclined to believe him. That, and he didn’t want to think that Justin’s grasp on reality was slipping. So, after Justin was tucked away in the bedroom in preparation for the police’s arrival, he called up Alex.

“This isn’t going to start becoming a habit is it?” He asked in a tired voice.

“Get over here. Now.” Brian ordered, keeping his voice low.

“Brian? What’s going on? I don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to just show up. I promised Justin-.”

“Now.” Brian said again before hanging up the phone and putting it back on the stand. He shut his eyes and ran a hand through his hair before going to the bedroom to put on some clothes. He glanced by the window as he walked by, but even without the binoculars he could see the lights were still off.  There was no movement, and no sign that anything nefarious was going on.  He turned away swiftly before he could convince himself that this was all just an illusion.

He walked up the stairs and dressed quickly, looking at Justin who was kneeling on the bed.  He looked apprehensive and was staring at the loft door intently. He could only imagine what was going through the boy’s mind. As horrible as the thought of a murder was, he wanted to believe him when he said it had real. He didn’t want to consider what it would mean if it wasn’t.

Soon after, there was a knock on the door and Justin immediately tensed and covered his face with his hands as if he was a child and the police couldn’t see him if he couldn’t see them. “Stay calm, Justin. Okay? These are police officers. They aren’t going to hurt you. And I’m right here.” Brian reassured and after a shaky nod from Justin, he left the bedroom to go let them in.

When Brian slid the metal door open he was faced with two rather large men in cheap suits and even cheaper cologne; he immediately scowled in distaste. “Come on in.” Brian said, stepping aside to let them in.

“I’m Detective Carl Horvath. This is my partner, Detective Richard Wells.” The shorter and stockier of the two said and Brian nodded a bit.

“Brian Kinney. Aren’t you supposed to go over there first?” He asked, pointing his thumb towards the window.

“We needed more information. You didn’t give us an address.” Richard pointed out and Brian nodded slowly.

“Oh yeah. Well, I don’t know the apartment number. But I can point it out to you. Here.” He said and started walking to the window.

“Were you the one who witnessed the incident?” Carl asked and Brian paused and stiffened. He briefly considered lying and saying he was in order to save Justin from having to talk to them. But he couldn’t bring himself to lie about something so important.

“No. It was Justin my…My partner. He’s in there. He’s pretty shaken up though. Can’t I just tell you where-.” Brian had to stop because they’d already turned to go up into the bedroom where Justin remained huddled on the bed. “Hey, wait!” Brian demanded as he ran past them and jumped up the stairs. “Slow down he’s…” Brian paused because the detectives were giving him a strange look. He didn’t want to just say that Justin wasn’t stable, because he wanted to give the investigation a fair chance. But he had to warn them somehow that their presence was going to set off a reaction in the boy.

Before he had a chance to explain, Richard moved forward. “Son, can you tell us what you saw please?” He asked in a calm voice, but it didn’t matter because Justin had his ears covered and his eyes shut tight. “What’s going on?” He continued, glancing to Brian for an explanation.

“He was attacked a few months ago. He has a…thing with people being in the loft.” Brian explained, knowing that this was going to end badly.

Brian watched them exchange a glance and knew it didn’t bode well. “He saw it. He sits at the window to watch people. It calms him down.” Brian explained because he may not believe Justin, but fuck these cops if they were going to judge his boy just because he has a problem with people. Surprisingly, his explanation seemed to work because Carl stepped back as if to give Justin space.  But it didn’t help.

Brian could see the first signs and moved to the bed in order to stop the panic-attack that he knew was coming, but he couldn’t. Justin went into a full-blown meltdown.  He was torn between going to comfort Justin and berating himself for letting this happen in the first place.  But Justin had seemed so sure of himself.  He had wanted to believe him.

“What’s going on?”  Alex’s voice pipped up from behind him before he could decide on what to do to solve the problem. 

Brian and the detectives turned swiftly.  Carl walked up to Alex with a frown on his face.

“Who are you?”  He demanded and Brian scowled, his tone wasn’t helping Justin calm down any.

“Alex Wilder.  I’m Justin’s psychologist.”  He said, smoothly reaching into his wallet and pulling out his card.  “Who are you?”  He asked just as arrogantly despite his rumpled appearance.

“We’re with Homicide.”  Carl said, flipping his badge and Alex’s eyes grew wide.

“Homicide?  What?!”  Alex looked to Brian for explanation, but Brian was at a loss of what to do anymore.  He shrugged weakly and shook his head.  He ran a hand over his face and slumped onto the bed to hold Justin.  That was all he could do.

“This young man said he witnessed a murder across the street.”  Carl said and Alex tilted his head a bit and glanced to the window.

Alex shook his head slowly and then turned to Brian with a look of disapproval.  “You shouldn’t have called the police, Brian.”  He chastised lightly.

“He said he saw it, Alex.  He was wide awake and…” Brian trailed off slowly.  He tightened his hold on Justin who had thankfully stopped howling, but was still crying profusely into his shirt.

“This boy isn’t stable.”  Carl said, not without sympathy in his voice.  Still, he was frowning and Brian didn’t like the look he flashed Justin as he began packing his things up.  “You’re saying he made this up?”  He asked Alex and the doctor nodded.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”  He said honestly.

“No…”  Justin suddenly spoke, and Brian felt his head shaking back and forth viciously.  “I saw it…Saw it…Know I saw it…”

“Shhhh…”  Brian urged as he pulled Justin’s head in against his chest and tried rocking him back and forth.

Carl and Robert both sighed heavily.  “This is clearly a false alarm.  Please don’t call us like this again.  We don’t have time to waste.”  He and Robert then swiftly left leaving Brian to look helplessly at Alex.

“He said he saw it.”  He offered but Alex just shook his head.

“It’s real to him, Brian.  But you can’t-.”

“It WAS real!”  Justin shouted as he broke free of Brian’s hold.  He seemed to be a bit calmer now that the police were gone, but Brian noticed that Justin positioned him between himself and Alex.  “I saw it!  I saw it!  He had red rings around his arms and legs and neck and he was pale and they were moving him around like a rag doll!”

“Justin-.”  Brian reached out to try and calm him again but Justin roughly pushed him away.  Brian stumbled off the step of the bed and held his hands up to give Justin the room he clearly desired.  However, he made sure he was still between Justin and Alex.

“I’m not crazy!  I’m not.  I know what I saw!  It was real!  It was.  I know it.  I know it.  But you don’t believe me!  Why don’t you believe me?!”  Justin slammed his hands onto the bed and Brian was grateful he wasn’t on the floor because his hand had taken enough abuse and didn’t need any more added to it. 

Brian watched helplessly as Justin continued insisting that he wasn’t crazy.  Normally Justin wanted him to hold during episodes like this, but he’d made it clear that he wasn’t wanted, so he didn’t know what to do with himself.  He was once again a bystander…Once again helpless.

It made a hard knot form in his stomach as he watched his partner scream and scream until he fell asleep. 

The silence was eerie and in his mind he could still hear an echo of Justin’s screams.  ‘I’m not crazy.  I’m not crazy.’ 

Was he though…?

Brian didn’t know what to think anymore.  He recalled the look in Justin’s eyes before as he pleaded with Brian to believe him.  He had seemed normal – he didn’t look wild-eyed or insane.  He didn’t even look tired like he had the last time he thought something had happened.  He seemed almost like his old self again.

“Brian…”  Alex said suddenly and Brian jumped, the sudden voice in the silence setting him on alert.  He turned slowly, not wanting to look away from Justin’s troubled and sleeping form.  Alex jerked his head to the side and he followed the man to the living room.  Though he doubted that they could wake Justin no matter how loudly they spoke after how much screaming he just did.

They came to sit on the couch and Brian ended up slumped with his elbows on his knees.  Alex shifted a few times, trying to find a comfortable spot.  Brian suspected it was because the cushion had morphed due to Justin’s knees being dug into it all day.  Eventually the doctor settled and looked towards him.

“Brian…Justin is worse than I thought.”  Alex said gently, very obviously trying to keep his voice even.

He closed his eyes because somehow he knew that was what Alex was going to say, but it still hurt to hear.  His stomach rolled and his chest constricted. 

“I know.”  Brian answered as he slowly leaned back against the couch and let his head rest on the top of the cushion.  His hands flopped to his side uselessly.  He didn’t know what to do, or think, or say. 

Had it only been in Justin’s head?  Is it something he could fix?  Is it something anyone could fix? 

“I think he needs to…”  Alex sighed sadly.  “I’m sorry but he needs supervision, Brian.  With these kinds of hallucinations he could be a danger to himself.”

“I’m here to watch him all the time.”  Brian defended immediately.  He knew Alex was right, and it would be best to send Justin somewhere with people who knew what they were doing.  But…He couldn’t.  He couldn’t send him away.  The very idea seemed preposterous.

“But how long can you do that, Brian?  What about your job?  Or your friends?  Or your social life?  You can’t watch him all of the time.  As cold as it sounds to him, you have your own life to live.”  Alex said, shifting so he was looking more directly at Brian.

“None of that matters.”  Brian waved a hand dismissively, fully meaning what he said.  He was the reason Justin was attacked, that meant it was his job to get him well again and nothing else mattered.  Nothing.  If it weren’t for him Justin would still be the smiling, happy boy he was when they first met.

“But it does.  I’m not saying that you have to cut him out of your life.  God knows the kid loves you.  I can just see that it isn’t working like this.  I…If it were someone else, I would call the state.  Because you’re a friend I won’t.  But I have to ask you to think about other options here; for your sake and for his.” Alex finished imploringly and then stood. “I am going to go. Think about what I said. And call me if you need me.”

Brian nodded, but didn’t stand to see him out. He was still trying to process everything that was happening. He vaguely felt Alex’s hand on his shoulder before the doctor walked out of the loft, closing the door behind him. Brian sat there on the couch all night, wondering if Alex was right and Justin was better off in some sort of institution.

As Carl left the apartment building his eyes trailed over to the one directly across the street. He couldn’t help but feel that he wasn’t performing his job to the fullest if he brushed off such an accusation, no matter how unstable the accuser might be. He was stared at it for some time before Robert jostled his shoulder.

“Come on. You saw that kid, he wasn’t right in the head.” His partner said and Carl nodded, but kept his eyes on the building.

He agreed; the boy, Justin, clearly had some issues. But even crazy people could be sane sometimes. And he seemed so upset about something…His heart went out to the kid. It must be hard to live like that – he didn’t think he could do it.

Had he known exactly what apartment to go check out, Carl might have actually gone over there. But his partner wanted to get back to the station, and all he had to go on was the word of a crazy person. So, he got back in the car and drove away.