Three Weeks Later.

Michael tapped a pen against the counter as he tried to think of a seven letter word for ‘difficult’ that started with A and had an O near the end. He kept staring at the crossword, circling the clue over and over again, but not really thinking about it. Instead, he was wondering what Ben was doing and if he had made a mistake in ending things with him. Things just got so complicated so quickly. Hunter has been staying with him for a few weeks now and he wasn’t sure he could handle Ben’s condition while suddenly trying to care for a teenager. Ben’s declaration that he was positive came as such a shock that all he could do was break things off – but maybe that had been a mistake.

When the door jingled he actually jumped as he was so wrapped up in his thoughts. He looked up immediately and smiled as he watched Brian walk in. He waved enthusiastically because he was happy to have an excuse to do something and get his thoughts away from the hunky professor. “Hey. Slumming?” He teased and Brian rolled his eyes.

“I’m running errands.” He said, scanning the small store for what he needed.

“You actually want to buy something?” Michael was shocked. Brian had not once stopped by his store to buy something. Michael had never asked him to, considering it was Brian’s gift that made the store a reality in the first place. “But you hate comic books.” He pointed out.

“Not true. I seem to recall countless Saturday nights spent with you reading about the latest exploits of our spandex clad heroes.” Brian defended, still looking. He rifled through a few piles and then turned to him. “But no. I’m not here for comic books.” He rubbed his fingers together as if to rub off the nonexistent dust covering the books he’d just handled. “Justin wants more of those coloring books you gave him.”

Michael smiled immediately and stood up from his stool. “Really?!” He asked, suddenly so happy. He walked out from behind the counter and started going to the display by the window where he’d put them.

“Yeah. What?” Brian asked slowly.

“Nothing. I just…I’m glad he liked it. I was really worried he’d freak out about it or something.” Michael grabbed a few different versions, so Justin would have new pictures to color, and handed them over. Brian took them and started reaching into his wallet. “No don’t worry about it. If he likes them, consider them a gift. I’m glad they can help.” Michael said sincerely. He was happy to help Justin anyway he could, even if it was only by offering him books.

“Cut it out, Michael. You own your own business now. It’s not like I can’t afford ten bucks.” He insisted and forced the bill into his hand. Michael knew better than to argue with Brian. So, he walked back to the counter to stick it in the drawer. “Besides, saying he likes them is an understatement. He colors more than a five year old. Ironically, a five year old is better at it than he is. He can’t even stay in the fucking lines.” Brian commented not without some bitterness.

Michael knew who it was directed at though – Chris Hobbs. Hobbs who hit him with a bat and took away so much from his life. Hobbs who didn’t even get a single day in jail for trying to kill him. Hobbs who is still out there and doesn’t give a shit about the boy whose life he almost ruined. Michael hated him too, but he couldn’t remember ever saying that to Brian or Justin. He had felt like his own feelings were inconsequential to what they were going through. But, thinking about it now, he wondered if maybe they’d like to know that.

He’d save it for another time, however. Brian looked upset enough and he didn’t want to keep talking about it.

“Anyways.” Brian said, leaning forward on the counter with his elbows. “He’s been coloring almost nonstop. Which is good, because he hated the ball exercises and this way his hand still gets worked out. So you did me a favor, Mikey.” Brian flashed him a smile, which he returned.

“It isn’t too much for him?” He asked, wanting to be sure.

Brian scoffed. “You know Justin. Everything has to be just perfect. I watched him try to shade a fucking cape last night for an hour and a half. His hand tires out more quickly than his other exercises but it isn’t too much. He can pace himself.” Brian assured and Michael nodded once, at ease. The last thing he wanted was to make Justin’s situation worse.

“Good.” He said simply and assumed that Brian was going to leave to get back home, but he remained leaning over the counter.

“How’s the kid?” He asked and Michael sighed, and shrugged.

“I don’t fucking know.” He lamented. “He keeps sneaking out to go hustling even though I tell him he doesn’t have to. He just says he wants to help pay his way. I don’t even know if this is permanent or not. I mean, I wouldn’t mind if he stuck around. But it almost feels like he’s itching to leave. You know? Like he’s already out looking for the next place to stay.” Michael shrugged and slumped back onto the stool.

“Well, have you told him he’s welcome, Mikey?” Brian spoke condescendingly in that tone that drove Michael up the wall.

“Is Brian Kinney actually advocating I talk openly about my feelings?” He teased and was surprised when Brian shrugged, instead of getting defensive like he had expected him to.

“Maybe.” Was all Brian answered with and Michael decided not to push it. Brian had changed so much since the bashing – maybe it was time he stopped expecting him to behave like nothing had changed.

“Maybe I should.” He said instead and tugged the crossword closer to him.

“Maybe you should also go to that professor friend of yours and openly admit that you’re being an ass.” Brian added, but his tone wasn’t as harsh as his words.

Michael shot his head back up to look at him and dropped the pen. “How’d you know about that?” He asked.

“I told you I was running errands. I have a carton of lemon bars in the jeep for Justin. Your mom seemed to want to tell everyone about how her poor baby boy was almost infected by the evil, positive, professor.” Brian rolled his eyes. Michael couldn’t help but smile a bit because he knew that Brian wasn’t exaggerating at all. His mother was the biggest drama queen of them all.

“He told me up front before we ever did anything. There’s nothing really evil about that.” Michael commented with a shrug. “It’s strange, is all. I’m not weirded out by it, or even grossed out. Hell, with Vic I know exactly what to expect with someone being positive. But I have Hunter staying with me and I don’t think-.” He was rambling, he knew that. So he wasn’t surprised when Brian cut him off.

“Do you love him, Michael?” He asked intently and not at all sarcastic.

“I don’t know yet. It was too early to tell, I think. But…” He hesitated and thought about how Ben had made him feel. “I think I could love him. I know I could - if I took the time to get to know him. He treated me so much better than David and I thought I loved him.” Michael rolled his eyes at himself, still amazed at how stupid he had been about David.

“Then you should do what makes you happy.” Brian told him and Michael looked at him for a long, long time, wondering where his best friend had gone and how he missed his evolution into this new man. “I mean it, Michael.” Brian continued when he didn’t say anything right away. “Find him, and find a way to make it work. Even with the Littlest Hustler around there’s a way to make it work.”

“You’re so different, Brian.” Michael said after another quiet moment. He shook his head in disbelief. “What happened?” He asked.

Brian just shrugged again and began collecting the coloring books. “I nearly lost Justin twice in only six months. I realized I didn’t want to waste any more time pretending that there’s nothing between us, when there is. I don’t want you to waste any time either. I want you to be happy, Mikey. You’re my best friend, and I want you to be happy.” He repeated and Michael smiled a little.

He felt a huge shift in their relationship right then. He didn’t know why it was, because Brian wasn’t saying anything he didn’t already know. But all of a sudden all of the latent desires he had to be with Brian disappeared. They had been fading for a long, long time, but still niggled at the back of his head every once in a while. He could finally feel them disappear for good when Brian spoke.

Brian was his best friend – he’d never be more than that. And for the first time in his life he was glad for that. Because he could never be for Brian what Justin is. And Brian could never be for him what Ben might become. It may have taken him fifteen years, but he is truly happy with being Brian’s best friend and nothing more.

“Thanks, Brian.” He said sincerely and smiled when Brian leaned over to give him a chaste, but loving, kiss on his lips.

“I better go before the lemon bars turn to mush.” Brian said and turned to leave. He paused though, and pointed down to the crossword. He tapped the circled clue and smirked a bit. “Arduous.” He said and Michael excitedly looked down at the crossword puzzle.

Michael spelled out the word in each box before smiling and writing them down. When he looked up to thank Brian, he was already gone. He then set down the pen and looked over to the phone. Thinking about what Brian had said about not wasting time, he picked it up and called Ben.

As Brain ascended the stairs to the loft he couldn’t help but feel reminded of a time not too long ago when he dreaded such an act. A time when he could barely bring himself to come home because of what he was afraid he’d find. Now, all of those fears were gone. No longer would he wonder if he was going to walk in on Justin mid-meltdown. In the three weeks since Justin had been released from the hospital he hadn’t had a single panic attack. Brian didn’t know what he’d done to get over them, but he wasn’t going to question it.  He smiled even as he lugged bags up the stairs to the loft door, because he knew that when he opened it Justin wouldn’t be screaming, or throwing things around. He’d come so far the past few weeks that he was almost like his old self again.

He set some of the bags down to pull the door open and scanned the loft to find Justin asleep on the couch. He smiled tenderly, because he suspected that is exactly how he would find him. Justin had gone to see Alex in his office that day and their meetings always left him exhausted. Not only were they emotionally charged, but leaving the loft still caused Justin a lot of anxiety which wore him out.

He closed the loft door as quietly as he could, but with all of the sacks he made a bit of a ruckus when he got inside.

“Briannn..?” Justin asked drowsily, popping his head up from the couch.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He answered and set everything on the kitchen island. “Here. I got some stuff for you.” He said and pulled out the lemon bars and coloring books from the bags. He listened to Justin shift around until he started moving over to him. He began putting some groceries away but looked to see Justin’s excited reaction when he got him more coloring books.

“Was your nap okay?” He asked and saw Justin nod out of the corner of his eye. “No nightmares?” He added and Justin smiled broadly.

“No nightmares.”

“Good.”

“Mhmm.” Justin’s mouth was full from a lemon bar he clearly didn’t hesitate to take a bite of. Justin sat at the counter and pulled the coloring books closer to him to flip through them with his good hand. “You went to see Michael?” He asked and Brian nodded as he went back to putting the groceries away.

“Yeah. He sends his best.” Brian murmured absently, tugging open the fridge to put in some juice. “Oh. I think he’s going to call his professor friend, too.”

“Good.” Justin had taken another bite.

“Yeah. I mean, I barely even met the guy but he seemed alright.” Brian spoke distantly, bending to put some lettuce in the vegetable drawer. “He didn’t immediately freak out and run for the hills when I dragged Hunter out of there.” He added with a bit of a smile. If Ben was calm enough to handle talk of murder without doing more than batting an eye, then he was in good shape to handle their dysfunctional family.

Justin didn’t answer, but Brian attributed it to a mouthful of lemon bars. He finished putting away the groceries and then turned to look down at his young lover. “How was your meeting with Alex?” He asked, trying to sound nonchalant about it, but the sessions always filled him with curiosity.

“Fine.” Justin answered stiffly after he swallowed a large bite. Sensing the defensiveness in his tone Brian was prepared to drop it and let it be, but to his surprise Justin continued. “We talked…” He murmured, as if he would be doing anything else with a psychologist. “About prom.” He finally finished and Brian stiffened.

“What about it?” He asked, feeling his heart rate pick up and his breathing quicken. He felt on edge all of a sudden, as if danger was around the corner. In his mind’s eye he could see the swing of the bat and quickly shook his head to clear himself of those horrid thoughts. Justin was alive, right in front of him.

“When Rikert and Stockwell had me, I remembered what happened.” Justin admitted, his gaze firmly on the coloring book in front of him. “I remembered everything. You walking up to me, and asking me to dance. You leading me onto the dance floor while everyone made room for us. Spinning…So much spinning. And feeling lighter than air. I felt…I felt like everything I’d ever wished for had come true.”

Brian’s eyes were staring intently down at Justin, but still the blond refused to look up at him. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react to Justin recounting what had happened.  His mind suddenly felt blank and his body numb.

“Then I remember going to the parking lot with you. We were singing, and you kept dancing with me all the way to the Jeep.”

As he spoke Brian recalled that night with perfectly clarity. He could envision every detail of the parking garage. He could see the cracks on the concrete pillars, and the strips of tar on the ground covering up potholes. He could remember exactly how it smelled, and how thick the air was. He could see it just as well as if he were still there.

“I remember Hobbs, too. I turned when you called my name, and I saw him. And then…I woke up.” Justin finished, and finally he looked up at Brian.

He still didn’t know what to say. He had thought that only one of them had to live with the horrendous memories of that night – it wasn’t fair that they both had to. On the other hand…dancing with Justin was one of the most cherished memories he had and he never wanted to forget it. Now Justin didn’t have to either.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his tone even. He still didn’t know what he was supposed to do or say. But it had been three weeks since he remembered and Justin was only now telling him?

“I didn’t know how. Alex kept telling me to, to give both of us closure about that night but…I only just got to remember it. I had to…deal with it all, before I told you that I knew. I’m sorry if you’re angry. But I needed to know how I felt before seeing how you’d react.” Justin explained, and Brian shook his head slowly, his gaze now falling to the countertop.

“I’m not angry.” He assured, but his voice was flat and low. Justin was the one who was attacked, he had every right to handle the memories his own way. But he couldn’t help but feel like he had a right to know these kinds of things. His life changed that night too – irrevocably.

After a few seconds of silence Brian looked back up and saw Justin staring at him. His blue eyes were wide, and vulnerable, and he couldn’t find it in himself to be anything but understanding. He walked out from around the island and spun Justin’s chair. He then took his good hand and pulled him to his feet. Justin was pliant and followed his lead, a curious look on his face.

When Brian started swaying them back and forth a small smile formed on Justin’s face. He placed a hand on Justin’s side and danced to a song in his head. It wasn’t as grand as Justin’s prom, but it was comforting because he could feel Justin in his arms – alive and well. And really that was all that mattered. 

Returning to duty was a relief to Carl.  For the past few weeks all he'd been doing was sitting and itching to be productive again.  He had once cursed his desk as a prison, but after a few weeks of recovery he wanted nothing more than to be sitting behind it again and doing what he did best.  As soon as he walked into the precinct he was welcomed by pats on the back and a round of applause from his fellow officers.  He smiled and waved at them but didn't linger long before getting to his office.  He looked at his desk with a smile and didn't hesitate to sit behind it.

He took in a deep breath of satisfaction.  Before he could settle in too much, however, he had work to do.  He booted up his computer and accessed the police department's intranet in order to find out who was in charge of Rikert's case.  He, as one of his victims, was not allowed to take part in it - nor was he allowed to have access to the case files.  However, he needed to know what was going on with the case.  So, he got the evidence number and left his office as quickly as he had arrived.  He went down to the evidence lock up and saw the officer on duty was a young, fresh-faced uniform standing behind the counter.  "I need the files for 682046."  He announced, grabbing the clipboard and writing his name out on it.  Had the officer been around longer, he probably would have realized who he was and that he shouldn't be withdrawing the files.  As it was, the kid turned and got the box of files just as he'd asked.

Carl only had to wait for a few minutes before it was placed in front of him and he took it back to his office before anyone else could see and wonder what he was doing.  He shut his office door, drew the blinds, and then popped open the box.  Most of the files in the box were secretarial in nature.  There was Rikert's personal file, now it was a piece of evidence as he was no longer a part of the department.  There was photos of the warehouse they had kept Justin, as well as pictures of all of his victims, including an autopsy of Stockwell.  He wasn't really interested in any of that, as there was nothing in there that he didn't know about already.  He dug deeper into the box and then came across what he wanted - Rikert's interrogation.

He pulled out the DVD and then popped it into his computer to see what the man had to say for himself.