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Title: The Big Sleep
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 4143
Warnings: Angst, Love, Passion, and Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: Bigj52
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…
Summary: After a series of accidents Brian finds himself hospitalized, with memory problems…
Chapter Summary: Brian awakes with memories of his future, and struggles to accept the reality of the present…
This is a short fic only three chapters, it’s complete and reviewed by Judy my beta. I’ll be posting one chapter of this fic every day, over the next three day… I hope you enjoy this one even if it is a little angsty… But don’t worry, you know me I’m all about the love… So Enjoy Kids and Happy Reading ~ Kathleen
The Big Sleep
Part One ~ Confused and Heartbroken…
Brian hadn’t seen Justin since the night of the Rage party, and it shook him to see him here at Lindsay and Mel’s party. Of course he hadn’t planned on attending, and it was obvious he wasn’t welcome, but he was here anyways, regretting his decision to come. It had been awkward running into Justin in the bathroom. He couldn’t help razzing him, but all he really wanted to do was pull him into his arms and tell him how he really felt.
But he couldn’t risk the humiliation if Justin were to reject him. He may have a huge ego, but the truth is he felt vulnerable and insecure. He couldn’t handle exposing himself and his emotions, so he decided to head home so he wouldn’t make Justin uncomfortable being there with Ian, the new love of his life. He was about to say good bye to his friends when Michael leans into him and whispers.
“I can’t believe the nerve of that little shit bringing Ethan with him to Mel and Lindsay’s party. You should have left him laying on that cold cement floor to die.”
Brian didn’t really think, he just reacted, landing a punch to Michael’s jaw. Michael stumbles and then falls to the ground. Of course no one heard what he said, or knew why Brian did what he did, because Michael is always presumed innocent, and Brian’s always presumed guilty. Ben reacts just as fast as Brian, but he’s bigger and stronger and Brian is standing on the sidewalk, while Michael was standing on the grass.
Ben’s fist struck Brian fast and hard, he never had a chance. The sound of his skull hitting the pavement shocks everyone. Justin runs towards Brian and then he recoils seeing the blood pooling beneath his head. He’s traumatized by the sight of Brian’s injuries. Unprepared to deal with Justin’s panic attack Ethan pulls him into his arms, insisting that Justin leave with him, muttering under his breath that Brian deserves what he got.
The ambulance arrived within minutes, but Brian never regained consciousness. The police question everyone about the events that led up to Brian’s assault and Ben is being charged. Debbie insists that Brian deserves it because he had hit Michael, and even though Michael had a swollen jaw and black eye he didn’t need medical attention.
After being questioned several times over the next day, Michael finally admits to his utterance to Brian about leaving Justin to die after he was bashed. Now everyone is uneasy and find themselves taking sides, some supporting Ben and his defense of Michael, while others understand Brian’s reaction and think it was justified. Ben is arrested and ends up serving ninety days in jail and has to attend sensitivity training classes.
That was six months ago, and Brian still remains in a coma and the family is losing hope of him ever regaining consciousness. The doctors try to remain hopeful but as each and every day passes it becomes more and more obvious that Brian will suffer brain damage, if he ever even wakes up.
Ethan stays by Justin’s side reassuring him that none of this is his fault, reminding him that it was Brian who threw the first punch. Ethan thought it was unfair that Ben had been charged with assault, he felt that Brian got what was coming to him. No one ever told Justin what Michael had said that set Brian off, and Brian’s violent behavior frighten him.
So as the months passed he found himself believing Ethan’s insistence that Brian was responsible for his own injuries, which left him with mixed emotions about how he felt about Brian and their relationship. Ethan made every effort to reaffirm that leaving Brian was the best thing for Justin. That it would have been just a matter of time before Brian would have assaulted him, especially considering Brian’s family life growing up.
So Justin never went to see Brian in the hospital, but he felt guilty about it. He guessed that it was poetic justice, after all Brian never visited him after the bashing. Whenever Justin mentions that he wants to see Brian, to say good bye, Ethan becomes angry, almost jealous at the thought of Justin visiting him. Then Justin hears through the grapevine that everyone is insisting that Michael disconnect Brian’s life support as he has Brian’s power of attorney.
But Michael refuses, torn between believing in Ben, proud of the way he had stood up for him, but he also loves Brian, in ways he knows he’ll never love Ben and he just can’t do it. He still believes in his fantasy, that someday he and Brian will live happily ever after and he knows he will never give up that dream. So he always visits Brian each day before work, and every evening after the shop closes. Ben does his best to support Michael, even though he is a little jealous that Michael spends more time with Brian than he does with him.
One morning as Michael sits next to Brian’s bed, droning on about when they were kids and Captain Astro, he notices that Brian’s hand is clenching, the sheets, then he hears him moan. Michael is surprised and very happy, he runs to get the nurse. She comes in and tells Michael that he has to leave, that the doctor will be in soon. Michael makes some snide comment about how he is Brian’s best friend, and he has Brian’s power of attorney. She still insists that he wait in the waiting room while Dr. Phelps examines Brian.
Brian squeezes the doctor’s hand and whispers, “What’s happened? Why am I in the hospital?”
Dr. Phelps introduces himself, asking Brian what he remembers. Brian just looks at him and says, “Am I sick?”
Brian is shocked to learn that he’s been in the hospital for six months. He starts to become agitated asking where his husband Justin is. Dr. Phelps questions him, because no one named Justin has been to visit him the whole time he’s been hospitalized. Brian insists that he’s married, so Dr. Phelps starts asking him basic questions.
“Can you tell me your name?”
Brian looks at him like he’s crazy and says, “Brian Aidan Taylor-Kinney.”
Dr. Phelps looks at Brian again and says, “Can you tell me what year it is?”
Again Brian thinks these are really stupid questions, but answers, “Fine, let’s see.”
He sticks his tongue in his cheek and says, “Well, I’ve been married to Justin for eight years, so I guess that would make it 2010.”
Dr. Phelps shakes his head, and tells him it is 2002. He needs to run some tests telling Brian that he’ll be back in a few minutes. Brian closes his eyes, trying hard to remember what might have happened to him, and why he would be in the hospital.
By this time Michael has contacted the family and they’re all there waiting for Dr. Phelps, wanting to know Brian’s prognosis. Michael’s the only one with power of attorney so Dr. Phelps asks to speak with him alone, much to everyone else’s disappointment.
“Do you know who Justin Taylor is?”
Michael’s reaction takes Dr. Phelps by surprise. Michael’s almost venomous at just the mention of Justin’s name.
“He’s no one. He’s unimportant. Why would you even ask about him?”
“Mr. Kinney seems to believe that he’s married to Mr. Taylor, and he keeps asking for him.”
“No! No! They are most definitely not married. Justin isn’t even part of his life anymore.”
“I see… That may be true, but Mr. Kinney believes he is. Could you contact Mr. Taylor and ask him to come to the hospital? I’d like to speak with him.”
“No! I won’t! He’s involved in a new relationship and he doesn’t love Brian anymore.”
“I understand but I’d like to speak with him anyways.”
“No! No, I won’t allow it!”
“Mr. Novotny. You do want what’s best for Mr. Kinney, don’t you?”
“Of course, but that’s not Justin. He needs to forget about him.”
“Is there someone else that I might be able to talk with who knows how to contact Mr. Taylor?”
“I never said I didn’t know how to get a hold of him. I just forbid him to see Brian, and I have his power of attorney so I won’t allow it!”
“Please Mr. Novotny. I would appreciate it if you’d reconsider this. It’s in Brian’s best interest.”
“No! Justin Taylor is no longer important to Brian. You need to leave him out of this. Now I’d like to see Brian.”
“I need to explain some things about Brian’s condition. Brian’s brain waves have been very active during his coma, and while it’s not unusual for patients to not remember parts of their past,” Dr. Phelps hesitates then says, “it is however, very unusual to have patients think they remember parts of their future.”
“I don’t understand.”
“The most important thing is to not upset him and give him time to adjust and come to grips with what’s real and what he perceives as real.”
Michael frowns. “How long that will take?”
“I suspect that some of his memories will return over time, while others will not. It’s hard to say at this point. I’m about to run some tests and hopefully I’ll have some answers afterwards.”
“But when can I see him?”
Ignoring Michael’s question he asks him to wait with his family members in the waiting room, asking Michael again if he will reconsider calling Justin Taylor. Michael storms off and starts pacing the hallway. Debbie comes out and asks him how Brian is and when can they see him. Michael neglects to mention anything about Justin, and Brian’s assumption that they’re married.
It seems like torture as they wait while Brian undergoes dozens of tests. Dr. Phelps orders Brian to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, Dr. Wilder. Brian relaxes a little when he sees Dr. Wilder, he’s more hopeful knowing that Alex is familiar with his backstory. It is so much easier talking to him and not having to explain so much of his past. Now of course Brian finds himself in therapy as he tries to understand his memory problems.
After all the tests are run, Brian’s allowed visitors with the understanding that they’re not allowed to divulge any information about his life. Dr. Phelps wants to see if Brian’s memories will return, as he begins to understand the details of his hospitalization. His biggest obstacle is accepting that he and Justin are no longer together and have never been married.
Over the next few weeks Brian makes great progress, even though he is still confused about the current details of his life and what led up to his accident. Dr. Phelps approves his discharge from the hospital, although he’s concerned about Brian’s welfare. Michael assures him that he’ll take good care of Brian and he’ll make sure Brian goes to his follow-up appointments. Michael’s determined to help Brian, but he’s having a hard time sticking to Dr. Phelps’ recommendations.
Michael can’t resist telling Brian all about Justin and Ethan, even though he has been warned that it could be detrimental to Brian’s recovery. The more details Michael gives him about Justin and his new boyfriend, the more depressed Brian becomes. Michael insists that Brian should just forget about him, saying that Justin never really loved him, that he was only using him.
Brian is having a hard time believing Michael. His explanation about his relationship with Justin doesn’t jive with his memories, but then again Brian’s memories aren’t real. Brian tries to talk with Michael about how he feels, trying to explain to him how real his memories of him and Justin seem. But Michael only becomes angry, so self-absorbed in his need to deny Justin, he can’t see that he’s hurting Brian in the process.
He just expects Brian to pick up where he left off before Justin entered their lives. But Brian’s not the same person anymore, and he has no desire to be the stud of Liberty Avenue. What he wants is Justin back in his life, or to at least understand what went wrong, hoping he can fix it. But that will be more difficult that Brian imagines because Michael is oblivious to Brian’s emotional state of mind, too blind to realize the damage he is doing.
~~~
Justin’s POV
Now that Ethan and I have been living together for six months the honeymoon period is definitely over. I can’t help wondering how I fell for all his pretty words and romantic gestures. Why did I think he was so much better for me that Brian? I’m sitting on that stinky sofa that Ethan and I dragged up from the garbage months earlier. We’re fighting, we’re always fighting. He doesn’t like my friends, my taste in music, Daphne, where I work and he seems to think I should check in with him whenever I leave the house or go someplace other than work or school. I’m trying to explain to him that I can’t live like this. All this suspicion and accusations of him thinking I’ve being unfaithful.
Unfaithful isn’t even a word I ever heard Brian utter. Ethan is insecure and he’s so sure I’m sleeping around. It’s really sad and scary at times, he doesn’t trust me. He only remembers how I was when I lived with Brian, how I snuck around seeing him. But the thing is, with Brian, I wasn’t exactly sneaking around. Our relationship was open, well mostly out in the open, at least up until the end. Then I was a real shit, and I should have been more honest with Brian. Ethan’s not the person that I thought he was. The person that I daydreamed he might be, and he’s so not Brian.
But I’m determined to make things work out between us. After everything I’ve given up to be with him, I feel like I have to give this a real try. Sometimes after our knock-down drag-out fights, he comes back to me and apologises. He tells me how much he loves me, bringing me roses and chocolates, the ones I love that cost a fortune. I know he’s just insecure and I always forgive him; he can be so sweet when he wants to be.
I’ve heard that Brian has been released from the hospital, and I know I’ll see him in the diner or at Deb’s. I can only imagine how uncomfortable it will be between us. I really wish we had parted on better terms but I have to find a way to let him go emotionally. I understand that being my first love he’ll always be important to me. I also understand that he never really loved me, or at least not the way I needed to be loved. I’m sure it will just take time for us to accept how things are, and I doubt that we’ll ever really be friends.
Brian’s POV
I’m walking down the street when I hear violin music. There’s a small crowd up ahead so I stop and listen for a few minutes wondering if this is Justin’s new boyfriend. After he’s finished playing the crowd begins to disperse. I see him and he’s not at all like I imagined he’d be. He’s shorter, and has dark curly hair, he looks like he needs a bath and a good shampoo. It’s obvious that he doesn’t have much money, his clothes are old and worn and he’s rather thin. I open my wallet and toss a hundred-dollar bill in his open violin case, after all he is playing for tips. He’s offended by it, glaring at me. He says that he doesn’t need my money, and that I’m only trying to win Justin back.
I think, wow he really doesn’t know Justin very well if he thinks Justin can be bought. I tell him I was just trying to show support, after all he is a starving artist. This only makes him angry but he keeps the money. Good for him, maybe Justin will have decent meal tonight. I try not to let my mind go there, but I can’t help wondering what Justin sees in him and if he really loves him.
I meet up with Michael, Ted and Emmett at Woody’s for a drink and the hot guys just seem to come out of the woodwork to hit on me. Michael’s shocked when I don’t take any of them to the bathroom, or out back for a quick tryst. He just doesn’t seem to get it. I’m still heartbroken over Justin, and other men don’t seem to interest me these days. He pats my hand saying he understands, that I’m still recovering, but he’s sure I’ll be back to my old self soon enough. I wonder if I’ll ever get over losing Justin. I miss him desperately these days.
Justin’s POV
I finally get home after working a double shift. I’m exhausted and I all I want is a nice long hot bath. The minute I’m through the door Ethan starts in on me about how Brian tipped him with a hundred-dollar bill. He feels angry and insulted. I told him he didn’t have to keep it if it made him so mad, and that sets him off even more because we need the money. I can’t take his attitude, so I let him calm down while I start to run a bath. After a few minutes he apologizes to me, knowing it wasn’t my fault. Then we take a bath together. It’s so romantic and I then remember why it is that I love him.
I really do love him. I just can’t take all the fighting, but the makeup sex is so worth it. I know how hard it is going to school and trying to support yourself, or at least I do now. I never really thought about it when I was with Brian. I mean sure I always said I wanted to pay my own way, pull my own weight. But I never really knew what it would be like until I moved in with Ethan. It was a culture shock as we live in a rundown cheap apartment, can barely afford food, and we have to scrape together our tips to go to the laundromat. It’s depressing sometimes, so it’s understandable it would get on our nerves, causing fights between us.
Ethan belittles me, making me question my own talent. He yells when I drop things because my hands and wrists ache after working double shifts at the diner just to make ends meet. I’m starting to question myself and talent, my self-esteem has all but evaporated and the only thing I can draw these days is Brian. Of course that infuriates Ethan when he catches me, and I hate having to hide things from him, but he just doesn’t understand.
The thing is Brian was a big part of my life. He was my inspiration, my muse, although I hate using that word, and I hate it when Ethan calls me his muse. It sounds so fake, and to think I used to think it was romantic. I miss Brian desperately and I can’t help worrying about him and how he’s recovering. Even though I still attend Sunday dinners at Deb’s, no one ever brings up Brian. They know it makes Ethan uncomfortable and he’s trying so hard to fit in.
~~~
Now that Brian is home from the hospital he runs into Justin at the diner, and Brian tries to talk with him, but Justin seems to avoid him at all costs. Justin’s more than aware how upset Ethan gets, knowing that Brian is now around again. Ethan’s prone to jealous rants, often accusing Justin of spending time with Brian and wanting to get back together with him. So Justin thinks it’s best to keep his distance, besides he feels bad about the way he walked out on him without even saying good bye.
Brian’s confused by Justin’s behavior. He had hoped that they could at least be friends, or friendly but it’s obvious that Justin has no interest in him. Brian has no memories of them splitting up, and he wants so badly to tell him how much he loves and misses him. But all his friends tell him how in love Justin is with the fiddler, he’s happy and it’s best if he just lets him go.
It’s hard for Brian to accept that they’ve never been married, because his memories seem so real to him. He wonders why Justin left him, or why they split up. Was it his fault? Sometimes he can’t help wondering if he is truly losing his mind. He can distantly remember the big house they lived in, and playing with their twins in the yard. He actually remembers being happily married and a father, finally having the family he never had growing up.
He realizes it must have all been a dream, because that is so unlike him and his past beliefs. But it has opened his eyes to the idea that he might want that in the future. That all his mantras are bullshit and he really does long to be loved and accepted. The subconscious mind is a strange thing, it really makes you question your whole outlook on life.
Justin often catches Brian watching him, but he looks away before making eye contact. He’s in denial that he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, still wanting to believe that he and Ethan are a better match. But sometimes his heart is overwhelmed just watching Brian and remembering how things used to be. He remembers how happy he was and life seemed so carefree back then. He knows they had their issues, and that it’s not unusual to romanticize about your past. When he reminisces about it, he can’t help that he felt so in love with Brian, and it’s different with Ethan. Brian looks completely miserable these days, and Justin can’t help but feel it’s all because of him.
So when they do speak or interact, Justin is defensive; he’s sure that Brian is mocking him, making fun of his new life. He can’t stop himself from wondering if they could have had this one day, if they could have made it in the long run if he had just tried harder. After all Brian was changing before he left him, but Justin couldn’t see it at the time. He thought he needed more, needed to hear the words, he wanted romance and happily ever after. Even though he knew from the very beginning that would never be Brian. Yes, he’s confused and he comes across as bitter and angry when he sees Brian.
Justin is working late one night and as he leaves the diner he runs into a very inebriated Brian walking down Liberty Avenue. Brian can’t help but ask him if he ever thinks about them, if he misses him, and if he’s really in love with his new boyfriend. Justin is sure that he’s teasing him, no one’s told him about Brian’s memory problems and he just assumes that Brian is making fun of him and his desire to be in a committed relationship. Then Brian notices the ring on his finger, and Justin tells him that he’s engaged and yes, he loves Ethan.
The shock of this news leaves Brian heartbroken and feeling desperate. He never expected that things would move so fast between Ethan and Justin. The idea of Justin marrying someone else disturbs him greatly, and his dream of them getting back together seems so fleeting. The reality of the situation is more than he can bear, so in his drunken state he carelessly gets behind the wheel of the Vette and drives off without any real destination in mind.
It begins raining and the roads are slick; the combination of his alcohol consumption, and his head injury have impaired his judgment. His reaction time is slow, he’s speeding, driving too fast for the road conditions. He looks up a little too late to notice that a big utility truck is stopped in the middle of the road. He slams on his brakes, but because his car is forty years old, it has no seatbelts and he is thrown through the windshield and another thirty feet into the embankment. All he sees is his Sunshine’s bright smile as his world goes dark.
So Brian once again finds himself in the hospital, unconscious, and hanging on for dear life. This time around he’s only in a coma for about six weeks, but when he awakens he has little memory of his adult life.
TBC…
