November 2014, Three Days Earlier, Baltimore…

Aaron entered the living room and immediately noticed his partner sitting by the window, lost in thought. He approached Jesse and encircled his shoulders with one arm before placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

“You okay?” Aaron inquired when Jesse didn’t react to his display of affection.

Jesse didn’t answer immediately. He kept staring out the window for a bit before finally gazing up at Aaron with a small, yet anxious smile gracing his lips. “I’m okay,” he eventually responded softly before looking back outside.

It had been one day since he’d talked to Justin, the first time they’d spoken since his friend had returned to Pittsburgh. He hadn’t been able to think about anything else since the call ended. Eight years had passed since he’d set foot in his adoptive hometown, too angry at first, then too afraid to go back. Moreover, he couldn’t believe how he had snapped at Justin over the phone when his friend had informed him of his decision to move back.

So much had happened in eight years. So many battles, so many failures. So many joys, too. He wasn’t the same man he once was. That wasn’t entirely true, though. He’d just lost himself along the way, and had had to fight like a madman to find his way back, not only to what he’d lost, but - more importantly - to whom he was.

Aaron had been his rock. If not for the older man, Jesse didn’t know where he would be today and, frankly, he didn’t want to know. All that mattered was that he was in a good place now. They planned to get married soon, now that marriage was legal for gay men. But most of all, it was his thirteen-year-old daughter who gave him the certainty that he couldn’t be happier; he already had everything he could wish for.

Well, almost everything.

The first year after moving to Baltimore had been hell.

Jesse had spent a lot of time in rehab. He’d learned more about how to function on his own and to deal with his new limitations, but he’d had a really hard time adjusting, still convinced that he would not succeed in regaining any more mobility that would help him cope with his daily life. Even though he’d known perfectly well that he had to try and halt his irrational fear of failure and control his rage so that the therapy would benefit him as much as possible, he hadn’t always been able to restrain himself or hold the negative thoughts at bay. Doctors, physical therapists, support groups; anyone who had been trying to help him recover and move on, he’d hated them all - not because of who they were, but because of what they represented. Whenever he’d had to deal with one of them, it had sent him spiralling backward to the angry, useless, desperate man he’d become, a man he hated with all his heart.

As a result, after three months in the new rehabilitation center, he had not progressed much, and the doctors had no longer been optimistic that Jesse would regain any more mobility. Understanding that it was partly his fault for resisting so hard, Jesse had fallen into a deep depression, shutting out everyone around him, including Aaron.

To this day, Jesse didn’t know why Aaron hadn’t left him. Most days, he had just refused to talk at all. When he had spoken, he’d been petty and hurtful. Aaron had ignored all his rages and silences, staying by his side, patiently supporting him and taking care of him, day in and day out. He had never complained, never once responding angrily to Jesse’s awful moods, not even the couple of times when Jesse had felt so down that he had screamed at the top of his lungs that he didn’t care about Aaron and that he wanted him gone. Jesse had never doubted Aaron’s love for him after the accident, but true love never rang truer to him than when he remembered those darkest of days.

Flashback, February 2007…

About fifteen months after the accident, Jesse witnessed a scene that changed everything. As he rolled his wheelchair into the hallway of their apartment and was about to enter his bedroom, he stopped at the open door, his heart constricting painfully at the sight in front of him.

Aaron was sitting on the bed, his back to Jesse. He was sobbing. His shoulders were shaking from the desperate cries escaping his body, his head buried in his hands.

Jesse felt like his heart was breaking as he witnessed his partner’s meltdown. He had been so focused on his own pain that he had been unable to acknowledge that his lover was suffering, too. Aaron was always trying so hard to be strong for him, never once showing how vulnerable he really was. Jesse sometimes forgot that the attack hadn’t just touched him; the truth was, a lot of people’s lives had been altered by Spencer’s insanity. Aaron had been particularly burdened by its aftermath. It wasn’t even about Jesse’s limitations. No, it was Jesse’s pain which was eating Aaron alive and his pushing him away that his lover couldn’t bear anymore.

Staring at Aaron’s shoulders trembling uncontrollably, Jesse understood that he was to blame. Because of his actions and his refusal to face his new life, he had hurt the one person he loved more than anything by making him feel useless and helpless.

More than that, Jesse’s anger and despair had sapped the energy out of his own life. It had destroyed years of friendship in a heartbeat. At first, he had felt nothing but a huge void and indifference when he’d thought about his former best friend, but that day, as he observed Aaron breaking down, the pain he experienced at the thought of his and Brian’s destroyed relationship overwhelmed him completely.

Maybe it was too late to salvage his relationship with Brian, but Jesse could still help Aaron and lessen his pain. So, as he rolled back into the hallway to give some privacy to his lover, he decided that he had to start living again, if not for himself, then for Aaron.

An hour later, when Aaron emerged from the bedroom, his eyes still red from crying even though he had done all he could do to hide it, Jesse was waiting for him. “Aaron…” he called over to his lover softly.

“You need anything?” Aaron immediately asked, once again putting Jesse’s needs above his own as he neared the kitchen table, where his partner was feigning to read a book while sipping a cup of coffee.

“No. I mean… I just want to talk,” Jesse explained.

“You do?” Aaron responded with a quizzical frown.

“Come here,” Jesse urged the other man, leaning over slightly to pat the chair next to him that faced his wheelchair. Aaron carefully sat, still harboring a puzzled look. Jesse hated that his lover acted so guarded now, but he couldn’t blame him, either. Taking a deep breath, Jesse locked eyes with Aaron and declared, “Things are going to change from now on.”

Aaron’s brow furrowed even more. “What do you mean?”

“I’m tired of being angry, Aaron. I want my life back,” Jesse stated with conviction. He was painfully aware that he couldn’t overlook his physical limitations in the foreseeable future, but he could, however, stop his endless self-wallowing and finally admit that being paralyzed wasn’t the end of the world. It didn’t make him a lesser person. He could still have a life full of laughter and joy and even live on his own, using his arms and hands to replace his legs.  He could still be Jesse Ramsay, if only he allowed himself to be.

“What do you mean, you want your life back?” Aaron’s voice instantly steering his attention back to their conversation.

“Just that...” Jesse leaned in to grab Aaron’s hand. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

Aaron couldn’t keep a chuckle from escaping at Jesse’s unexpected declaration. “No.”

“Well, Aaron Hartman, I love you madly, passionately, deeply, from the bottom of my heart,” Jesse declared with an impish smile.

“I never knew you could be so cheesy,” Aaron playfully replied.

“I have my moments.”

Aaron chuckled again. Jesse loved hearing him laugh for a change. It’d been a long time. “Okay. Don’t get me wrong,” Aaron started, pausing briefly before sharing what he really thought. “I’m happy you’re feeling good today, but I’m quite puzzled by this sudden change of heart. You’ve been depressed for months.”

“I know. To be honest, I’m fed up with myself. You must be, too,” Jesse surmised.

“I’m…” Aaron was obviously going to deny it for Jesse’s sake, but his partner quirked an eyebrow at him before he could actually say anything else. Aaron pursed his lips before admitting in a jesting tone, “Okay, you’re impossible.”

“Well, I’ve never believed in doing anything halfway.” Jesse smirked.

“Yeah. Unfortunately.” Aaron agreed, giving Jesse a pointed, yet mischievous look.

Jesse rolled his eyes, before turning serious. “Listen, I’m sorry.”

Aaron immediately shook his head. “Jesse…”

“No. Let me say it. I need to say it,” Jesse insisted and Aaron nodded, signalling his understanding. “I need to fucking suck it up and move on. I’ve been an insufferable, selfish, ungrateful, and needy son of a bitch for months. Seriously, you could have bailed on me more than once,” he conceded, staring into his lover’s glistening eyes. “It’s just… I don’t know. It’s as if being angry caused me to ignore that I’ve fucked up, big time.”

“Why do you think that? It’s not like you chose what happened to you.”

“Maybe not, but Aaron, how much more can you take from me? What I’m making you go through because of my depression, it’s not right. You’ve given up so much because of me,” Jesse averred.

Aaron snorted and squeezed Jesse’s hand, rolling his lips inward almost shyly. “It’s not like I had a fucking choice to begin with.” He didn’t need to specify what he meant with that sentimental statement.

Jesse smiled, staring down at their joined hands, and rubbed his thumb across Aaron’s palm. “I fucked up, Aaron. I really did.” He let out a heavy sigh, before admitting as he gazed away, “I should have tried harder.”

“Hey…” Aaron grabbed his chin, forcing Jesse to look up at him. “What’s done is done. Mourning over what could have been is not going to achieve anything. You need to focus on the future.”

“You’re right,” Jesse acquiesced.

“Jesse...” Aaron began, obviously hesitating, “Dr. Stern talked to me about…”  He faltered, just enough for Jesse to frown slightly.

“About what?” He pressed his partner. Dr. Stern had been Jesse’s doctor since they’d moved to Baltimore, charting Jesse’s progress, and ordering him to keep up with his daily exercises to regain some of his strength. Matthew - Jesse’s physical therapist who had been recommended by Dr. Stern -  had struggled since day one to get the angry, bitter man to follow through with his exercise routine. Jesse had bitched for months about those sessions, but he had reluctantly agreed to do the minimum required, more to shut both of them up than because he truly wanted to get better. Therefore, he had not progressed as much as he could have, and in truth, his last encounter with Dr. Stern hadn’t gone so well. The man had not sugarcoated matters in regard to what he thought of Jesse’s bad temper, reminding him that he had other patients to take care of, patients who were willing and fighting to get better and who were not wasting their lives wallowing in self pity. To say Jesse had been pissed would be an understatement, even more so because Dr. Stern had been right, not that he would have ever admitted it to the grey-haired man.

“There is an experimental program he is going to supervise starting next month. Considering the nature of your injury, you could be a good candidate for this trial,” Aaron revealed, bringing Jesse back from his reveries.

“I could?” Jesse asked, his interest piqued.

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t he talk to me directly about that trial?” Jesse inquired, his brow furrowing. Aaron didn’t respond verbally, but gazed at Jesse sadly instead. Jesse surmised, “He didn’t think I would be one hundred percent involved, did he?”

“Can you blame him?” Aaron asked with a gentle voice. “You’ve not been the most enthusiastic patient so far.”

“I guess not,” Jesse conceded. “Do you think he would reconsider if I talk to him?”

“It’s worth a shot. In any case, you need to be fully informed before agreeing to anything. I don’t doubt it would be hell to go through,” Aaron confessed.

“What did he say to you about this?” Jesse inquired with genuine interest.

“They’re experimenting with a new, less invasive procedure to reduce the compression on injured spines. With that method, they’re hoping for the patients to fully or partially regain the mobility they’ve lost. Although, in your case, with your muscles weakened by disuse for so long, you’d have to relearn everything from scratch. It would mean therapy every day, starting with massage and muscle stimulation, until your body is strong enough for you to bear your weight. It will probably take months before you get to that point. And from what Dr. Stern told me, if you think you’ve had it hard till now, it’s nothing compared to what you’d go through.”

“That sounds appealing,” Jesse responded sarcastically.

“Jesse…” Aaron began, “before deciding anything, and if Dr. Stern agrees to let you enter the clinical trial - and it’s a big ‘if’ if you ask me - you need to consider that it may not work. There is absolutely no guarantee.” He paused, letting the words sink in, before resuming, “but one thing's for sure; in order for there to even be a chance it would work, you’d need to invest yourself in it completely. For instance, you couldn’t decide to stop exercising just because you were too tired, either physically or emotionally. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Jesse stared at Aaron, noting the hope, but also the fear in his lover’s eyes that this moment was just a brief interlude, and that come tomorrow, Jesse would renege on his promise to let go of his demons and move on.

God, those eyes… Jesse felt his heartbeat speed up, the love he felt for Aaron at this instant overwhelming him, flooding his entire being with a feeling of happiness so sudden and so strong that he felt his eyes unexpectedly tear up. Unable to prevent it, he felt a droplet fall onto his cheek. He wiped it away and finally declared, “I love you so much that it’s utterly ridiculous.”

Aaron burst out laughing, although his gaze reflected how touched he really was by Jesse’s confession. “Does that mean you’re ready to try?” he pushed, Jesse not having responded to his previous question.

“Yes. Truthfully, with you by my side, it feels like I could walk on the moon someday,” Jesse quipped, his lips curving upward. Aaron responded with a smile of his own, and Jesse leaned closer as he whispered, “I promise you I will do all I can to get better. And even if I can’t enter the trial, or if it doesn’t work, it will be okay...” He straightened and captured Aaron’s gaze before adding, “...as long as I have you in my life. I never want to lose you.”

Aaron kissed him then. The kiss spoke about love, about regret and pain, but also about the hope that a better future was within reach, when yesterday it had felt so unattainable. Jesse responded to the kiss, opening his lips for Aaron’s tongue. He’d almost forgotten how good it felt to be touched by this man. For so long, his sexual desire had suffered along with his withdrawal from life, but now he could sense tendrils of warmth uncurling and pervading every part of his body. It was as if he could feel that warmth everywhere, although that was impossible. Still, Aaron made him feel like he was flying, and he wanted to fly so badly. He wanted to let go of his disability completely. So he did.

Jesse broke the kiss. He gripped Aaron’s cock through his jeans, earning a gasp from his lover. Aaron stared at him questioningly, and Jesse responded by opening his pants.

The pleasure he felt that night was like nothing he’d ever experienced. They’d had sex since he’d been hurt, yet Jesse had never been able to let go completely. But that night, all was different. It was like some some bond had snapped inside Jesse, freeing him from an inner prison he’d not even been aware he was in to begin with. His body felt on fire, released from its dormancy.

When Aaron’s cock first slipped inside his mouth, Jesse could have sworn that he felt his toes curl. When he agreed to Aaron’s request and entered his lover, he had the sensation that sparks were exploding inside of him. Later, he would reflect, amazed, on how complex the brain could be, making you feel things that couldn’t exist.

At least, they couldn’t exist that day. Because Jesse didn’t know it yet but, soon, he would walk again. For now, though, he was flying, high and fast.

The first time Jesse had felt a hand touching his right leg was four months later. Dr Stern had agreed for him to undergo the procedure, which had been a success for two out of five patients so far. Aaron had been scared shitess that it wouldn’t work or that something would go wrong, but Jesse had reassured him, adamant that, whatever the result, he wouldn’t stop living. The trauma Aaron had experienced after Spencer had attacked Jesse was gnawing at him, however, and he had a hard time keeping his emotions under control. Fortunately, the procedure went well, and Jesse smiled wider than ever the first time he felt Aaron’s hand on his leg as he woke up from the surgery.

Feeling was just the beginning of the road, though, and the months to come had proven to be harder than anything Jesse could have imagined.

Spinal compressions were such a tricky thing. Jesse was cautiously optimistic about his progress, but as much as he had tried to imagine how hard it would be to move his legs, he now understood what Dr Stern had cautioned him about. He felt like a baby, needing to relearn everything. At first, Matthew helped him with massage only, to wake up the muscles that had been dormant and lay atrophied for so long. Then, the stimulation began, starting with him just squeezing his muscles one by one, without Jesse moving his leg at all. The process was painfully slow and, as expected, left him exhausted. But it was worth it. Soon, he was moving his leg, still lying on the bed, not pushing against any resistance, but the first time he finally succeeded was a huge accomplishment for him. It took him a few more weeks before he could finally sit up and work against any real pressure, and a few more before he could stand up.

Four months after the first session, though, his left leg hadn’t recovered all sensation. But Jesse didn’t care. He was finally standing up, about to take his first steps after two years without being able to walk. He was ready. He’d worked out a lot to strengthen his arms, so he could walk using the parallel bars with the best preparation possible. However, the first session was a disaster.

“You’re doing great,” Matthew assured him, guiding Jesse who was trying to take another step as he used the bars to steady himself. “That’s enough for today.”

“I can do more,” Jesse insisted.

“Don’t overdo it. You’ve already done more than you should have,” Matthew declared sternly.

“No.” Jesse refused to stop.

“Jesse, stop now; you need to rest,” Matthew ordered.

“I’ll rest later,” Jesse countered as he tried to move his right foot forward.

“Listen to Matthew, Jesse,” Aaron echoed Matthew’s order. He had observed Jesse’s efforts for the past half-hour, and his partner was now sweating profusely, his muscles trembling.

Jesse didn’t listen. “One more,” he persisted as he placed his hand to grip the bar, only to suddenly lose his balance when his hand slipped. “Fuck!” he yelled as he fell forward .

“Jesse!” Aaron shouted, as Matthew tried, without success, to prevent his fall.

“Shit! Fuck! It hurts!” Jesse exclaimed, as tears welled up in his eyes because of the sudden pain he was feeling. Matthew and Aaron were instantly by his side, trying to assess the damage.

“Where does it hurt?” Matthew inquired.

“My ankle,” Jesse indicated, wincing when Matthew palpated it lightly.

“You sprained it. I don’t think there is any other damage, but to be sure, we need to have it checked out right now, ” Matthew announced. “Next time, you will listen to me. Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time? Seriously, Aaron, you need to put him on a leash,” he jokingly kidded his patient, frowning as he kept searching for more problems.

“He wishes,” Jesse teased back, squeezing his eyes shut as another wave of pain overwhelmed him when he tried to move his foot.

“I’ll be right back,” Matthew informed them as he stood up and went into an adjacent room.

Jesse breathed in and out slowly, trying to stop his body from shaking. Gazing up at Aaron, he rolled his eyes and said, “Don’t give me that look.”

“What look?” Aaron feigned not to understand Jesse’s statement, although his stare contradicted his seemingly innocent query.

“The ‘you’re an insufferable moron’ one. I screwed up. I get it,” Jesse admitted. Truthfully, he was annoyed with himself.

“You did,” Aaron confirmed dryly, but his eyes softened immediately. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a ten-year-old who made a huge mistake while Ma and Pa were staring right at him,” Jesse retorted. “Where did he go?” he asked, referring to Matthew. “I’d like to get my ass off the floor.”

“I’m coming, Mister Grumpy,” Matthew taunted, giving Jesse a pointed look.

“What are you doing?” Aaron asked, as Matthew began to wind some strapping around Jesse’s ankle.

“It will contain the swelling until we get him to the hospital. Jesse needs to have an X-ray to make sure everything’s alright. Hopefully, then, we will be able to keep up with the schedule,” Matthew informed them as he focused on his task.

“We will?” Jesse echoed, surprised. He’d thought hurting his ankle would delay his therapy.

“If your ankle is sprained, you will need to use a brace. But it should be okay, at least if you listen to me and stop being your charming, stubborn self.” Matthew looked at Jesse, and the man nodded his understanding. His physical therapist wanted the best for him, especially because he had come a long way since they’d met. Matthew had always supported him, even when Jesse had acted like a complete shithead. He owed him a lot. “Okay. Now…” Matthew went to retrieve the wheelchair from the corner of the room and rolled it over next to his patient. Positioning himself in front of Jesse, he helped him rise to his feet before encircling his chest with his arms and lifting him up to sit in the wheelchair. “You okay?”

“Yeah…” Jesse breathed out, as the pain began to subside now that he was sitting still.

“I’ll take him to the hospital,” Aaron stated.

“You do that. Tell them you’re part of the trial. I’ll give them a call, too,” Matthew advised him.

Jesse and Aaron bid their goodbyes to Matthew and left. Two hours later, the sprained ankle was confirmed, and fortunately there was no other damage. Jesse learned his lesson that day, and he never ignored Matthew’s orders again.

April 2008…

Jesse ascended the stairs leading to his apartment one by one, ignoring the elevator, leaning on the cane to make it easier for him to lift his left foot. He’d just finished a conversation with his brother, Jacob. He and his wife would be travelling to Baltimore soon, since Jesse had never gone back to Pittsburgh, even if Aaron did visit his dad once a year. Arriving at his doorstep, he retrieved his key from the inner pocket of his jacket and slipped it into the lock. Turning it, he heard the mechanism click and pushed the door open.

He walked into the living room and immediately noticed his partner sitting at the table, papers spread out everywhere, as he scrutinized one in particular. Jesse put his keys on a hook in the entryway and called out to his lover, “Hey.”

Aaron didn’t respond at first, but he finally looked up, his face breaking into a weary smile.

“What are you doing?” Jesse asked as he walked over to his lover and grabbed the paper off the table. It was a bank statement.

“Give me that,” Aaron snatched it from his hand and lined it up on top of a stack.

Jesse stared at Aaron, noting that his lover seemed agitated even if he was obviously trying to play it cool. He let out a heavy sigh and asked, “How bad is it?”

Aaron’s eyes went wide as he stared back at Jesse. He shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.”

Jesse’s brow furrowed as he leaned in to take another look at the papers. He grabbed an additional bank statement before Aaron could stop him, and lifted it away from him to prevent his partner from taking it back. “Jesus…” he breathed out, as he realized what Aaron had been hiding from him. “When were you planning on telling me that we’re broke?”

Aaron’s hands stilled. “I told you, I’ve got this.”

“How?” Jesse asked, dismayed. “How are you going to cover this, huh? You should have told me,” he retorted, frustrated that Aaron had once again wanted to protect him at all costs.

“I didn’t want you to worry about it. It was more important for you to concentrate on your recovery, ” Aaron explained, before adding weakly, “This is nothing, really.”

“Nothing? You call this nothing?” Jesse exclaimed. “I’m your partner, Aaron. I can help. I should provide for both of us, too.”

The truth was, Jesse’s disability had prevented him from going back to work. Between his depression and his therapy, he hadn’t had the strength to resume his career.  Still, now that he was finally walking again, even if his left leg hadn’t recovered fully and he had to use the wheelchair regularly when he was too exhausted or in pain, he wanted to get back into the journalism profession. Aaron had told him again and again that he should take his time, but Jesse knew that his partner was just afraid. Jesse’s recovery had been long and tortuous, and he was still more tired than he cared to admit. Yet, Aaron and Jesse’s savings had been spent entirely on the clinical trial, and they now had to consider all their options if they didn’t want to end up living out on the street.

“I’m calling Peter tomorrow,” Jesse announced. Peter Hardy was his former boss, and he hoped that the man would help him find a job. Peering down at Aaron, he added, “And don’t try to stop me. I know you want to protect me, but I’m fine, really. I can do this.”

Aaron sighed deeply. “Come here,” he asked, as he opened his arms for Jesse to sit on his lap. When he had Jesse safely enveloped in a hug, he confessed, “I don’t want you to go back to work because of financial considerations. I want you to go back to work on your terms, because you’re ready and have the energy to resume your career.”

“And that’s one reason why I love you so much,” Jesse whispered, before covering Aaron’s lips with his own. Aaron responded by caressing his back. Jesse broke the kiss off after several seconds to explain, “I’m sick of being taken care of. I want to be my own man. I know I will probably never be able to repay you for what you’ve given me, but I can at least start working again. We need the money. And truthfully, it’s time.”

Aaron stared up at Jesse, a silent battle reflected in his gaze. Jesse saw the exact moment when he caved in, as he closed his eyes briefly before conceding, “Okay, but on one condition. You don’t take on any assignments to some Godforsaken, primitive place where you can’t even communicate with anyone.”

“This is your chance to get rid of me, and you’re not even gonna take it?” Jesse quipped, once again amazed to have this wonderful man in his life.

“Not even in your dreams,” Aaron teased back.

“Good to know,” Jesse drawled, as he leaned in to capture Aaron’s lips once more.

July 2008…

Jesse’s plan didn’t work out. Having suffered from a serious injury and not being able to keep up with his career meant that his former boss didn’t trust that he could do the job. To say that Jesse was crushed when Peter had declined his request to resume his position would be a huge understatement, but he didn’t have the luxury of moping over it.

He tried all he could to find a job in his field of expertise, but apparently having extensive, international experience still wasn’t enough for him to land a job. Aaron was spending a lot of time trying to ease their financial burden, having agreed for the first time since the attack to travel and visit the companies he had done web design work for in the past; consequently, Jesse was frequently alone, and it made it more difficult for him to stay optimistic.

Thus, he was not feeling his best when he went for his monthly checkup with Dr. Stern; little did he know, however, that this particular encounter was going to be a life-altering one.

“Jesse,” Dr Stern greeted him, offering him a seat with a wave before heading to sit behind his desk. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” Jesse answered wearily as he placed his cane carefully next to him.

“Any problems with your left leg?” Dr Stern questioned as he misinterpreted Jesse’s tiredness.

“No. No, my leg is fine,” Jesse hastily reassured him.

“Good. I’d hate for one of my patients to suffer a setback,” Dr Stern commented dryly, earning a laugh from Jesse. The man was so fucking serious all the time. “How is the pain?” he finally inquired.

Jesse suffered from occasional, severe bouts of pain in his left leg. He had to use his wheelchair whenever it struck too deeply, the pills just keeping the pain at bay and barely allowing him to function. Fortunately, he now could prevent most of those crises, knowing they occurred when he overdid it. “I manage,” he responded.

“Good.” Dr. Stern nodded before standing up, indicating for Jesse to follow him.

The checkup proceeded uneventfully. Jesse had now recovered about seventy-five percent of his mobility, which was a great result. Jesse knew Dr. Stern saw him as his finest achievement so far, the man even having published an article about him in a prestigious medical magazine while safeguarding Jesse’s anonymity. Although it was unlikely that his abilities would improve much more, Jesse didn't care. He’d never expected to walk again in the first place.

Jesse was about to leave when Dr. Stern surprisingly asked, “Have you had any responses to your resume yet?”

“No,” Jesse responded. “I’m still looking for a job. After the trial and with my therapy, well, let’s just say that you guys aren’t exactly cheap,” he teased him, more to see if he could make the man crack a smile than for any other reason.

No luck. “We’re the best. I’m the best,” Dr. Stern replied smugly with a shrug.

Jesse barked out a laugh at the man’s reply. “Always so modest, Doctor; but, hey, don’t change anything. I like your style,” he added in a jesting tone.

Dr. Stern peered at him, obviously not certain whether he should be pleased or offended by Jesse’s reply, so he chose to ignore it as he advised him, “We’ve opened a house for our youngest patients - teenagers who are dealing with spinal injuries. I need a counselor.”

“Excuse me?” Jesse said, astounded. Surely he wasn’t suggesting what he thought he was suggesting?

“A counselor. A person who could talk to the kids and help them cope with their new reality.”

“Thank you for your definition, Doctor, but I know what a counselor is. I’m glad that all those years of studying paid off for you, though,” Jesse replied, rolling his lips under to prevent a grin from appearing on his face.

Dr. Stern raised his eyebrows. “I studied hard,” was all he said, making Jesse chuckle. The man was hilarious even if he didn’t mean to be. After a slight pause, however, he resumed, “Considering your history, Jesse, I thought you might be interested in the job.  Some of them don’t really need a lot of help, but as you know, there are always ‘black sheep’ in any group.” Of course, he didn’t need to clarify that, in his eyes, Jesse had been one of those. That’s probably why he thought his most successful case could be an asset as a counselor, now that Jesse had overcome his depression.

“I…” Jesse wasn’t sure it was a good idea or, more specifically, that he would be able to actually help the kids. However, he needed the money. “What would the salary be?”

“The pay is better than at most facilities. You won’t get rich anytime soon...but it’s decent,” Dr. Stern stated, before proposing, “I’m expected there in about one hour. Why don’t you go with me? I’ll drive. I have a Mercedes,” he stated, as if driving in a first-class car was the incentive Jesse needed to agree to go with him.

“I may be gay, but I’m not that shallow, am I?” Jesse couldn’t help it. Teasing this man was so much fun.

“I find your sense of humor quite...special, Mr. Ramsay,” Dr. Stern answered, using Jesse’s last name to emphasize his point, but his lips turned upward.

Jesse inwardly congratulated himself on his accomplishment. “I’ll wait for you in the lobby,” he announced, agreeing to Dr. Stern’s proposal to visit the facility. He stood up and extended his hand. “It’s always a pleasure, Dr. Stern,” he drawled in a tone identical to the one the doctor had used for his previous statement.

“Just get out of my office,” Dr Stern replied with a laugh.

November 2011, New York City…

“For Chrissake, Kristine, just stop spinning around me like that!” Jesse exclaimed as his protégé kept rolling her wheelchair around him.

“I’m nervous. It helps me stay focused,” Kristine replied, understandably on edge, but she eventually stopped. “How’s the leg?” she asked with a nod.

“It’ll be fine,” Jesse reassured her. He was using the wheelchair after having spent the day helping to hang up Kristine’s photographs for an upcoming exhibition. His leg ached as a result, but it was nothing that he couldn’t manage, and guests were expected to arrive at any time.

Jesse had been a counselor for three years now. Kristine was the first kid he had ever helped. When he had met her, she’d just been injured a few months earlier, and hadn’t uttered a single word since the car accident; one that had left her paralyzed with no hope of ever walking again. Her mother had died on the scene, and the once happy teenager had shut down completely.

It had taken Jesse months to get her to come out of her shell. The doctors had diagnosed her with PTSD and depression, surmising that she had been traumatized by the accident, when her mother’s car had been hit by another vehicle, killing the woman upon impact, while Kristine had stayed conscious in the passenger seat. They’d been right. She had seen it all.  

The fact that the seventeen-year-old girl had had to deal with a similar trauma as his former best friend was not lost on Jesse, although Kristine was a completely different person. At first, he hadn’t known how to bond with her, but he had soon discovered that she liked to take pictures. Anytime, anywhere, she’d just pull out her camera and breathe life into her photos. Jesse had been astounded by her talent, and he had used her passion to help her. He’d spent days by her side, journeying with her every weekend to special locations and also to more ordinary ones, so that she could capture flashes of life on film. Her father, Paul, had agreed to let Jesse try that method, at a loss as to how to cope with his only daughter. Until one day, she had said her first word.

‘Butterfly.’ She loved butterflies, and as a yellow one with little specks of brown and black had come to rest on Jesse’s hand while they’d enjoyed a sunrise in the countryside with her father, she’d finally uttered the first word of many more to come.

Jesse had helped many kids in his three years at the center, but he shared a special bond with Kristine. Moreover, she had a real talent, and Jesse had used his few remaining connections in journalism to help her get an exhibition. The fact that a small gallery in New York City had responded to his request was completely unexpected, though. Now, here they were, about to experience a real opening, and Kristine was nervous as hell. That’s why Jesse had agreed to take the trip with her and her dad.

The opening went very well. Kristine finally relaxed, and Jesse was feeling really proud. He hadn’t expected his job as a counselor to be so fulfilling, but in retrospect he wouldn’t go back to his previous career.

He never would have expected to see Justin Taylor entering the gallery, either. When he saw his long-lost friend rush in to escape the rain which had started pouring down outside, he couldn’t believe his eyes. His heart started hammering in his chest. His friend hadn’t changed much, except for the confidence emanating from him.

Justin didn’t notice him immediately, so Jesse waited. For what, he didn’t really know, but he took his time observing the blond, gathering the courage to go and talk to him. He saw Justin head over to congratulate Kristine, who was sitting with her father, happy to see so many people admiring her photographs. Shaking his head at how silly he was acting, Jesse finally rolled over to them.

“Justin?” he called awkwardly, but when Justin’s eyes suddenly went wide as his gaze landed on him, Jesse couldn’t help but smile broadly.

“Jesse?” Justin pronounced his name in wonder. “Fuck me!” he said eloquently, as he, too, broke into a huge smile. He leaned forward with the obvious intention of hugging his friend, but Jesse surprised him when he stood up from his chair.

“What…?” Justin stared at him, amazed. “Oh, my God, Jesse!” he exclaimed, as he pulled his friend into his arms.

They hugged for a long time.

Justin finally released Jesse. “How? I mean…fuck! I can’t believe you’re here! And… standing?”

“Yeah. Long story. But yes, I have my legs back,” Jesse confirmed bashfully. “And look at you! You’re all grown up!” he quipped, before wincing at the pain in his leg.

“You okay?” Justin immediately asked, worry dripping from his voice.

“Yeah. No big deal. I just need to sit for a while,” Jesse reassured him as he sat back down.

“I told him he was going to end up in his wheelchair tonight, but he wouldn’t listen and kept carrying on about hanging the photographs on the wall. As if there weren’t any employees here who could have done that,” Kristine chided him as she glared at her counselor. She was angry that he had been relegated to his wheelchair because he’d overdone it.

“Don’t sweat about it, Kris. I’ll be fine soon. You, on the other hand, should go and get some rest. The owner is going to be closing soon anyway,” Jesse countered.

“He’s right, darling. We should go,” Paul concurred.

“What about you?” Kristine inquired, addressing Jesse while looking back and forth between him and Justin.

Jesse gave Justin a questioning stare, and the blond immediately proposed in a hopeful tone, “We could go for a drink?” before adding with a frown, “I mean, if you’re okay. We can postpone if you don’t feel up to it.”

“I’m fine, and I could use a drink after having dealt with her all day.” Jesse quipped with a smirk, indicating Kristine with a slight nod of his head.

“Hey! I’m right here!” Kristine retorted, as she chewed some peanuts, throwing one at Jesse.

“Oh, believe me, I think we’d have noticed if you weren’t,” Jesse joked, evading the peanut. “Okay, we’re going,” he announced before turning to Kristine and her father. “Kristine…” he approached her and took her hands in his. “Congratulations. You’ve made it.”

She didn’t respond with words, but her glistening eyes said it all. Jesse leaned in to engulf her in a tight hug, whispering in her ear, so that she was the only one to hear what he had to say. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

She hugged him tighter in response.

Leaning back, Jesse playfully ordered, “Behave for a change.” He softened his words by caressing her hair briefly. Turning to her father who was looking at his daughter adoringly, he asked, “Paul, will I see you both tomorrow morning?”

“Of course. Breakfast at eight?” Paul suggested, while positioning himself behind Kristine’s wheelchair. They were all staying at a hotel situated a block away from the gallery.

Jesse agreed before following Justin. They ended up spending a good part of the night together, first in a cozy pub not too far from the gallery, and then back at Jesse’s hotel. They had so much to catch up on, and hours flew by without either of them noticing.

Jesse talked to Justin about his depression, the trial, his job as a counselor, and of course, Aaron. It felt good sharing this with the blond, and Jesse realized how much he’d missed him. In fact, he missed his old life and his old friends desperately at times like these. Seeing Justin reminded him yet again of what - and whom - he’d lost.

Jesse had talked to Michael on the phone a couple of times after he had moved to Baltimore in March of 2006, and Michael had informed him that Justin had moved away from Pittsburgh in the summer. However, Jesse’s depression had been way too deep back then for him to make any effort to keep in touch with any of his friends, so he’d severed all contact in the fall of 2006 and hadn’t heard from anyone since then. He regretted it now, making him even more thankful for this random encounter with Justin.

Justin talked to him about his life in Chicago. He’d just transferred to New York City a couple of months ago, and was still adjusting to the never-ending bustle of the city. He seemed to be doing fine and happy with his life. They avoided traveling down Memory Lane, though, neither of them brave enough to bring up that period of their lives, particularly sidestepping the topic of Brian.

Before Justin left, they promised each other they would keep in touch, even though with Jesse living in Baltimore and Justin in New York, it was unlikely they would be able to see each other anytime soon. Jesse kept his promise, however, having learned his lesson that friendship was a precious commodity, not to be wasted or taken for granted. He’d forgotten that for a while, and he never wanted that to happen, ever again.

2013 - 2014...

Everything changed when Alice entered Aaron and Jesse’s life.

When Jesse met Alice for the first time in February 2013, she was just about to turn twelve. She was sullen and withdrawn, snarling at anyone who tried to help her. Considering her history, he wasn’t surprised. The way she acted reminded him of himself when he’d given up on life and shut out his friends, doing his best to drive Aaron away. Alice, though, had far more cause to be angry at everyone and everything than he had.

Alice had been ten years old when her house was engulfed in flames, and her parents hadn’t been able to escape the encroaching fire. Her father had been able to lower Alice out of a second-story window, forced to drop her onto the ground, since there was no way for him to climb out with her. Alice had landed awkwardly, with her back against a tree root, and had been unable to move her legs. As she’d looked on, helpless, the house had gone up with a giant ‘whoosh,’ taking away her parents. Neither surgery nor six months of therapy had restored the mobility to her lower body. So, Alice had not only lost her parents, but also the use of her legs, and had become a ward of the state.

Alice had been assigned to Tessa, a child welfare caseworker, who tried her best to help the young girl with her transition to an orphanage. However, the welfare worker had an overwhelmingly large case load, and couldn’t spend as much time with Alice as she would have liked. To the bewildered, lonely, paralyzed girl, it seemed like each person she got to know - doctors, therapists, caseworkers - abandoned her, leaving her more alone than before. In response, she became even more sullen, speaking less and less and refusing to join the other children in any activities, even ones she could have handled physically. Her appetite declined, and she became alarmingly thin.

It was at that point that Tessa heard through a colleague about a house that provided all healthcare services as well as counseling for teenagers with severe spinal injuries. Tessa’s requests that Alice be considered for the program went unanswered for some time, until she encountered Jesse at the house. She showed him Alice’s picture, relayed her story, and asked for his help.

Jesse asked Tessa if he could keep the photo and found himself pulling it out and looking at it off and on all day. Over dinner that night, he confided in Aaron and showed his partner the young girl’s picture, which had been taken before her parents had died. Aaron stared at the photo in his hands as he listened to Jesse relate Alice’s story. When Jesse stopped talking, Aaron gazed up at him with a determined expression on his face. “Help her,” he demanded. “Harass Stern if you have to, but don’t give up on her.”

Aaron’s encouragement was all Jesse needed. “You’re right. I should talk to Stern to see if there’s any way Alice can be accepted into our program. I know finances will probably be an issue, but there has to be some way to make it feasible. Now, if only I could bribe him or something,” he quipped. Dr. Stern was the most aggravating individual he had ever met, even if he was a genius.

“You’re an amazing counselor, Jesse,” Aaron praised him, “and you can draw on your experience with Kristine, whom you have made such a difference in her life. Plus, you and Dr. Stern make a great team. Between your stubbornness and his insistence on being known as the most successful surgeon in the country, even if he is a bastard, I’m sure you will figure something out.”

“I’m kind of insulted that you would put us both in the same team. But, okay, we’re the best, I can live with that,” Jesse replied playfully, before staring down at Alice’s photo.

Jesse went to see Dr. Stern the next day. He’d thought that he would have to fight the man to make him consider taking in Alice free of charge, but he was surprised when the man didn’t dismiss his request.

“We have funding set aside to help candidates with no financial support,” the doctor asserted. “What those numbskulls on the board of directors were thinking when they came up with the concept of free therapy, I have no idea. Although, now because of it, you can do a happy dance right now. They’ll immediately agree to cover all the fees associated with Alice living at the house and receiving therapy for the next six months.”

Yes, Dr. Stern had always had a really weird sense of humor. “Have you looked over her medical records?” Jesse asked him.

“Yes. And you’re going to demonstrate a jig right now,” Dr. Stern quipped. “She is a perfect candidate for the trial.”

Jesse couldn’t have been happier with the news. He called Tessa that day, and Alice moved into the patients’ house a week later. Alice refused, however, to enter the trial. In fact, she rebuffed Jesse’s attempts to talk with her, and after three weeks had passed, Jesse was at a loss as to what to do.

“I don’t know what else to try!” Jesse proclaimed in frustration as he paced to and fro in his and Aaron’s living room one night. “Alice won’t even say ‘hello’ to me, and she’s no better with the other staff. The sooner she enters the trial, the better for her recovery.” He turned pleading eyes on Aaron as he asked, “How did you stand it when I wouldn’t respond to you?”

“Jesse, you’ve never tried to help anyone as deeply depressed as you were. And you’re an adult. Who knows what’s going on in her head right now?” Aaron paused before suggesting, “Would you mind if I try? You and Alice may just be too alike. Perhaps she’ll listen to me.” Aaron volunteered at the house on weekends once in awhile. Truthfully, since Jesse’s injury and then his re-education to become a counselor, Aaron had frequently been involved in his partner’s new profession.

“I’m willing to try anything,” Jesse responded, slumping down next to Aaron on the sofa in exhaustion. “You were so endlessly patient with me. Maybe she will sense that and listen to you.” Jesse tilted his head to look up at his partner. “Would you be able to stop by tomorrow morning?”

“I can do that,” Aaron agreed before kissing Jesse gently. “Stop fretting. We’ll figure it out,” he asserted confidently.

Aaron met Alice the next morning. He stayed with her all day, just sitting by her side, without uttering a word except a quick, “Hello, Alice. I’m Aaron and I’m here to be your friend and help you any way I can.” He did the same the following weekend. Why didn’t he speak to Alice? He couldn’t explain. But when Jesse asked him how he’d succeeded in getting Alice to agree to enter the trial within a couple of weeks, he simply responded, “I just let her come to me.”

Aaron had fallen in love with Alice from Day One. He and Jesse supported her through the trial and the months of therapy. They became her foster parents after the end of her six months at the patients’ house.

It wasn’t easy. Alice resisted their attempts to take care of her and they had to fight with her. But most of all, they loved her. Aaron’s bond with Alice grew stronger. In the end, Jesse had no doubt that he, too, held a special place in her heart, but Aaron? He was the one Alice went to when she had a nightmare. He was the one who had breathed life back into her, the one who gave her the resolve to walk again.

Alice would probably never call them ‘Dad’ or ‘Papa,’ but it didn’t matter. Jesse and Aaron loved her as their own, even if Alice had yet to open up to them about her feelings. Kristine helped out, too, whenever she was in town. At twenty-three, she was now living in Manhattan, but she visited them regularly, and Alice had taken an instant liking to Kristine. Jesse couldn’t have been happier about that.

When Aaron made it known that he wanted to adopt Alice, Jesse wasn’t surprised. Aaron was forty-four years old and not getting any younger. It was his chance to welcome a child into their home, and, by that point Jesse couldn’t bear the idea of Alice ever being taken away from them.

Alice officially became their daughter in July of 2014. Kristine was there to help them celebrate. When Alice told them both for the first time that she loved them, Aaron and Jesse cried like babies, while Kristine - and then Alice - teased them playfully for being so ‘gay.’

And now, whenever Jesse watched his partner staring at their daughter with that look of adoration in his eyes, his heart filled with a bliss so strong he sometimes had trouble breathing. Life could truly be a bitch, but it also could be fucking amazing.

End of Flashback

Sitting in the bay window of their apartment, Jesse refocused on the present,  listening to his partner talking to their daughter in the adjacent room. Just the tone of Aaron’s voice made him smile. Peering through the window again, he snorted when he heard Aaron tell a giggling Alice for the hundredth time that day that he wanted her to stop painting her nails neon green. The older man was completely in love with their teenage girl.

Standing up with his cane, he walked to the doorway of Alice’s room and leaned against it. He stared at his partner’s back and smiled again. Aaron was hugging Alice, whispering in her ear. When the older man leaned back and they both turned around, they discovered Jesse watching them.

“Someone’s getting impatient for us to give him some love, too,” Aaron teased as he peered over at Jesse, his face beaming.

Jesse was having a hard time reconciling this man with the once club stud who hadn’t cared about anyone’s feelings, but he wasn’t complaining. So much had happened since they’d met thirteen years earlier, especially since they’d fucked in Babylon’s backroom that first time, while Brian and Michael had proceeded to get completely high on the dance floor.

“I want to go back,” Jesse unexpectedly blurted out, startling himself by speaking the words out loud.

“You sure?” Aaron asked. Truthfully, he wasn’t that surprised. Since Jesse had talked to Justin on the phone, asking about Brian, he had expected his partner to take the time to process what he wanted and to come to this conclusion. Aaron had been aware a lot sooner than Jesse that the day would come when he’d want to visit his adoptive hometown, and, more importantly, to reconnect with Brian, Michael, and all his long-lost friends. He just hadn’t been ready until today.

Jesse thought about it for a minute, before nodding, “I want to go back. Now.”

“Okay,” Aaron agreed as he walked over to Jesse and kissed his cheek. “You hear that, sweetheart? We’re going to Pittsburgh!” he exclaimed, addressing his daughter and not leaving Jesse any choice. He wouldn’t be going alone.

“Okay,” Jesse echoed, his heartbeat drumming inside his chest.

The next day, they both made arrangements to take a week off work. On Sunday, they were on a plane back to Pittsburgh for the first time since March 2006, more than eight years ago.

Jesse felt like he was going home.

Pittsburgh, Kinnetik, Tuesday...

Brian had barely slept the night before. After dinner at Debbie’s, he’d dropped Jack back at the Institute and Justin at his apartment, and had gone home alone, exhausted by everything that had happened. Justin had been worried all evening after Jesse’s unexpected phone call, but Brian had reassured him that he was fine. And he was. Mostly. He just needed some time alone to sort out his feelings. He also knew spending the night with Justin would have led to sex and, since sex with Justin was the most addictive drug for Brian, he wouldn’t have been able to resist. Unfortunately, he still needed sleep to function.

However, Brian’s mind had kept him awake most of the night. His thoughts had kept drifting back to Jesse. He had realized that, as much as he wanted to be unaffected by the announcement of Jesse’s return, he was anything but. As a result, he’d texted his lover, and they had exchanged messages until three a.m. So much for having a good night’s sleep. Brian, of all people, should have known it was a stupid idea.

As he was sitting at his desk the next day, absently eating his turkey sandwich, he tried to focus on the paperwork in front of him, failing completely at doing so. He was mightily annoyed when his intercom buzzed, indicating that Cynthia wanted to speak to him. Checking the time - 1:00 p.m. - he pressed the speaker dial button and grunted, “No.”

“Someone’s here to see you.” Cynthia ignored her boss’s grumpy mood.

“You do know the difference between ‘yes’ and ‘no’, right?” Brian growled. He didn’t have any appointments scheduled that afternoon, and unless one of his clients was calling him with a major crisis, he didn’t want to speak to anyone during what was supposed to be his lunch break.

“I told him you were unavailable, but he insists,” Cynthia informed her boss, not responding to the barb.

“Tell whoever it is to fuck off,” Brian suggested half-seriously. What was wrong with people these days, anyway? Hadn’t they heard about the marvelous concept of making an appointment?

“Brian…” Cynthia called to him, and Brian sensed the hesitation in her voice. He suddenly felt his heartbeat accelerating as she announced, “This guy says his name is Jesse. Jesse Ramsay.”

A long silence greeted her announcement, with Brian frozen in place, his finger paralyzed on top of the intercom.

“Brian?” Cynthia’s voice reverberated through his office after endless seconds without a sound from him.

Brian finally snapped out of his stupor, turning the speaker back on. He took a deep breath, before instructing quietly, “Let him in.”

He stood up from his desk, his heart hammering furiously. When he looked up a few seconds later, Jesse was standing in the doorway, leaning on a cane.

“Brian...it’s been a long time.”

Brian just kept staring at his former friend, his mind trying to process what he was seeing, while his chest inevitably clenched, so much it hurt.