Justin and Brian sat at the table in their kitchen as they ate dinner.  Justin was still experiencing a high from his and Cynthia's visit with the doctor this morning; he could barely contain his excitement.

"What has you so pumped up?  Dinner is not your usual venue for bouncing out of your chair."  Brian smiled as he recalled their almost tryst in his office that morning.

"The baby.  You know the baby was still kind of an abstract until today.  I know Cynthia said she was pregnant but it wasn't real until now."  Justin's eyes shown with the excitement he was trying to convey.   "It took three months for her to get pregnant.   I remember the clinical parts so clearly.  Nothing quite so impersonal as coming in a cup and giving your jizz to the doctor so he can then insert it in Cynthia."

"I did the same thing for Linds and it was very weird. I offered to the do the deed with her, having had sex with her in the past.  It wouldn't have been such a stretch.  She declined and I'm really happy she did.  I know she has these fantasies of us as a family some times and I think if we'd had sex it would be even more difficult."  Brian frowned when he thought about the conversation they'd had a few months ago when he told her that he and Justin were going to have a baby.  She'd assumed it would be hers to carry again.  There was no way that was going to happen.  They had enough difficulties coordinating Gus's time with them.  He could just see her trying to impose her parenting thoughts, even though she was not going to raise it. 

"I could never have sex with Cynthia.  I don't think I could ever look her in the face again.  I think she'll need to have a full drape over her face when she gives birth. Maybe that will help me separate her from the baby."  Justin grimaced as he thought again about her giving birth.

"Seeing the baby on the screen made it real.  Cynthia isn't showing yet and she hasn't appeared to have any difficulties with the pregnancy so it really hasn't seemed real until today."  Justin stood up from the table and walked to the island where the picture from the ultrasound lay on top of the mail.  Picking it up, he looked at the black and white picture and traced his fingers along the prominent features that were pointed out to him by the technician.  "It's finally real.  I mean we're going to have a baby."

Pushing his chair back from the table, Brian walked over to where Justin stood and stared at the picture as well.  "Now where is the head, it all looks like a blob to me," Brian asked, indulging his partner.

Justin dutifully pointed out each feature and traced them with his finger.  "I wish the baby would have faced us so we could have determined its sex," he said, realizing that he was disappointed not to know that information.

"Will there be another ultrasound?"  Brian asked, hoping the answer was yes so he could put Justin's mind at ease about the baby's sex.

"No.  I don't think so.  The doctor seemed to indicate that the baby was growing just fine and there wouldn't be any need to do another one.  I guess we'll just have to decorate the room in a neutral theme."

"I think we should just put rainbows all over," Brian said tongue in cheek.  "That way it will grow up in a gender friendly environment."

"Brian!!!" Justin laughed at the idea of the baby's room resembling the diner with all its rainbows and gay friendly paraphernalia.  "I guess we should really talk about gender roles and how we're going to raise the child," Justin said with all playfulness set aside.

"Let the kid be born first before you start worrying about how we're going to raise it."

"I've been reading how the baby starts to form an identity soon after birth.  I really think we should talk about this, Brian.  It's important to present a united front when raising a child."

Brian brought his finger and thumb to the bridge of his nose and pushed as if to massage away an impending headache.  "Tell me you are not reading child rearing books."

"I'm not reading child rearing books," Justin repeated.

"Really, Justin?  The kid's like the size of a peanut and you're already got him/ her playing with G.I Joe and Barbie at the same time." Brian walked back over to the table and placed his head in his hands, shaking his hand in mock disbelief.  After a few moments, he motioned for Justin to come join him at the table.

"A baby is just a big pooping, eating and sleeping machine.  I do remember Lindsay telling me that they don't do much until they're 3-4 months old.  Even then, there's not much parenting to worry about.  We've got a long time to figure this out."  Brian leaned over to kiss Justin, but he pulled back from the kiss.

"Not really.  That time will go by so fast; we won't even know what hit us.  I was just talking to Carol, the new assistant at the gallery. She had a kid about 7 months ago and was telling me the other day, how Gary, that's the kid, is now sitting up and reaching for everything.  They have to clean the floor every day so he doesn't put stuff in his mouth.  We're going to have to move the tubes of lube out of reach before the baby is here.  Don't want the little guy to find some and think its food."  Justin jumped up and started pulling open drawers and removing all the supplies from around the kitchen.

"Justin. JUSTIN!!"  Brian yelled when he didn't respond the first time.  "Sit your pretty bubble butt ass down and take a few deep breaths."

Justin looked at him and started to respond, but returned to his seat.

"First, put all the supplies back where you found them.  Second, the baby isn't going to be pulling open drawers or trying to eat the lube for at least a year, probably more since it won't get here for 5 months or so.  That gives us plenty of time to baby proof the house."  Brian leaned forward and kissed Justin's lips.  "I love that you are so worried about the baby's finding our lube, but I don't think that will be our first concern."  Brian smiled as Justin nodded his head in agreement.  Seeing Justin start to open his mouth, Brian put up his index finger and shook it back and forth for a moment.  "One thing at a time.  I know how your brain works so let's do this the Justin Taylor way.  Go get some paper."

Brian clicked the pen and wrote on the top of the paper:

Baby arrival

"Since you've been reading all the lesbianic articles about new babies, tell me what I need to know."

Justin let out several breaths and inhaled deeply.  He didn't realize how much he was worried about the logistics until Brian said they should make the list.

"Set up the nursery-  ie the bed, paint the room, get diapers and wipes.  We need clothes and blankets and bedding.  We have to buy a crib and a mattress.  Toys, we need toys that stimulate the baby's brain.  Black and white pictures... babies can't see colors for a few months.  We'll need a baby monitor since the house is so big and we might not here the baby if he's sleeping and needs something.  We need a stroller and a car seat.  And a coat; it will be cold when it's born."

"Jesus.  That's a lot of shit."

"Babies take a lot of stuff.  We should go shopping for all of it before it gets here.  They won't even let you take the baby home without a car seat."

"Ok, gotta buy the car seat before you take it home."

"But Brian, we have to research the car seats and we have to decide if we're going to go with an infant car seat or one that lasts for multiple years. We also have to decide if we're going to buy one or two car seats.  Is the baby going to always be in one of our cars or will the other person sometimes have to pick it up?"

"And we haven't even talked about who is going to watch the baby?  We have to start interviewing nannies now.  I was reading an article the other day that said it takes 6 months or more to find a good nanny."

Justin's voice was raising a few octaves with each successive thought, almost to the point of working himself into another frenzy.  Brian reached over to Justin and pushed his shoulders down, physically anchoring him to the chair. 

"Slow down, Sunshine.  This baby is not getting here tomorrow, or even next week.  I think we have some time to think about this."  Brian picked up the list that he'd been making since Justin started on his binge.  Rereading the list, he silently ticked off the items that needed addressing now and the ones that could wait a bit.

"We can start researching the stroller, car seat and crib.  Cynthia said she has several nieces and nephews. She can ask her family about that kind of stuff.  They've bought it, at least.  Even if we aren't using Mel and Linds for the surrogacy stuff, I'm sure they could help us with suggestions regarding a lot of this stuff.  We're not the first ones to ever have a baby." Brian talked very softly and he could see Justin visibly relaxing as he provided some much needed answers and guidance.

"Thank you.  I guess the reality of seeing the baby on the screen this morning brought it close to home.  Up till now, I guess I didn't really think about all the things a baby needs.  We still need to talk about how we're going to raise it.  I mean I don't want our child to be the one everyone shakes their head about, thinking its unruly, rude or poorly disciplined."  Justin said as he tries to keep the discussion alive.  He knows Brian doesn't like to be accused of talking things to death, but he feels that if he doesn't bring these topics up, they will never discuss any of it.

Brian took several deep breaths and smiled at Justin.  "We talked about a lot of the logistics before we made this decision.  It wasn't a whim, Justin.  We knew going in to this that a baby was a big commitment.  We decided that a child would be someone we raised together.  I have full confidence in our ability to raise a great kid.  After all, I practically finished raising you and you didn't turn out half bad," he said, hoping to get Justin laughing a bit.

"I'm the best homosexual I can be; thanks to you.  I guess I should have known better.  I'm sorry.  I guess I just freaked out, a little."

"Sorry's bullshit.  I'll tell you a secret.  Ok?"  Brian felt this revelation might help Justin.

"Remember the night Gus was born?"  Brian got a starry eyed look on his face as he remembered many of the firsts of that night, including having Justin in his bed.

"Sure.  How could I not remember?  We met that night and you took my virginity."

Brian shook his head.  "Forget the stuff that we did that night," he said and then seeing the crestfallen look on Justin's face, added, "No I don't mean you should forget us, but this secret doesn't involve us, it involves Gus."

Justin gave Brian a little smile, not his full fledge smile that everyone nicknames Sunshine smile, but a small smile, letting Brian know that he was listening and forgave him the directive to forget their first night.

"While you were down there getting eaten up alive by the lesbians, Mikey and I went to the roof.  I was pretty high, but as you know being high doesn't usually affect my memory.  Anyway, I was in awe of Gus, falling instantly in love with this tiny baby that I helped create.  I vowed right then and there that I would do everything in my power to protect him.  He wasn't even going to be a child that I raised, but the bond was instant."  Brian's eyes glazed as he remembered the moment of holding the hours-old infant.  "This child that Cynthia is carrying is ours.  We've both thought about it for a long time before we took the steps to make it.  I know the bond will be even stronger with this baby. Our child will have two parents who love it unconditionally and will ensure its safety and well-being from the first day.  If that means talking about the best crib or discussing baby rearing techniques, then I want you to know that I will be there."  Brian leaned over and kissed Justin fully on the lips and lifted his chin to look in his face.  "Now, we are done with all this lesbianic discussion for tonight.  I think a good fuck is in order, because I realize that once the baby comes, fucking in the living room will definitely be off the list of places we can do the deed.

"Thank you," Justin returned the kiss, opening his mouth to savor his partner's unique taste.  "I think fucking in the living room is definitely on the agenda for tonight's entertainment. And tomorrow's entertainment might be fucking in the kitchen, followed by fucking in the rec room and then..."

Justin was unable to finish his statement as Brian took his hands and motioned for him to get up.  As he got up, Brian locked his lips on Justin's, stopping his ability to speak and then he followed up on his suggestion. 

TBC